#1: I want some peace and quiet! #2: I’ll be quiet. #3:…I’ll be peace.
(After bob has his aroms around lilly) DOn’t touch my sister, (then dives off the portch and onto bob) ahahahahahahha
(Live on Goodmornig America, Bob starts pulls out a paper bag and appears to start puking in it) Sorry. False alarm.
(on Good Morning America) Marie, you’re wise. What do I say to someone who has turned my whole life around? What i’d really like to do is put the greatness of this man in perspective. I think there’s really only 3 names, Dr. Albert Shweitzer, Mother Teresa of Calcutta probably, and Leo Marvin.
…you’re the one drawing all the dirty pictures.
1) All’s I want is some peace and quiet!
2) Okay I’ll be quiet.
3) And I’ll be peace!
1) Bob, i’d like you to meet your new pal. 1) New Pal? What’s wrong with my old pal?
1) Do you care which bed? 2) Well, I’d prefer facing South East.
1) Maybe you need a vacation 2) I’M ON VACATION!
1) Son of a bitch 2) She never says that
1) This is my fish gill. 2)Did you get him out of the lake? 1)No, city fish. But he’s LOVIN it up here!
1) Uh Bob, uh, tell us your impressions of Baby steps. 2) Mash potatos and gravy Marie. I couldn’t be happier about Baby Steps. I was a terrible disaster and now, because of Baby Steps, I’m on tv in front of millions of people. I’m very excited.
1) We’re all going to die and it doesn’t matter if it’s tomorrow or 80 years from now. Do you know how fast time goes? I was six, like, yesterday. 2) Me too.
1) What are you doing with the gun, Dr. Marvin?
2) Death Therapy, Bob. It’s a guaranteed cure.
1) Where are we going? 2) Intensive psycho therapy 1) Wahoo! OK, some free associations from my infancy. A beach ball. A Dog. A Log. A poodle. A Noodle. A doodle.
1) Would you show Mr. Wiley to his room please? 2) Fellas I have convulsions. My bladder is feeling funny.
1) You know what I do? I treat people like their telephones. If I meet somebody who I don’t think likes me I just say to myself ‘Bob, this one’s out of order. Just hang up and try again’. 2) Does it work? 1) Seems to be. I’m on vacation at Lake Winnepasaki aren’t I?
1) You think he’s gone? He’s never gone (opens door) 2) Is this some new kind of therapy thing 1) YOU SEE!
1) You understand right? There’s no other solution. You won’t go away.
2) Yes I will.
1) No you won’t. You’re just saying you will, so that when I don’t kill you, you’ll show up again and make everyone else in my life think you are wonderful and I’m a shmuck. But I’m not a shmuck Bob, and I’m not going to let you breeze into town and steal my family away just because you’re crazy enough to be fun.
1) You’re angry. 2) No, I don’t get angry 1) Well, you’re upset 2) I don’t get upset.
1)But you made it here…2)barely
1)Do you want some more salad Bob? 2) Yeah, I think I do. Pile it high and deep will you? And can you get that tomato?
1)He bought our dream house….son of a bitch…2)She never says that.
1)I have problems the same as you. 2)You’re afraid your bladder will explode?
1)I thought about what you said – vacation from my problems. So I did. 2) But you’re back. 1)No I’m not. 2) You’re not? 1) No, I’m on vacation. We can’t work so let’s get the friendship thing going.
1)This is black powder, Bob. A teaspoon of it can blow up a tree stump.
2) How much you got there?
1) Twenty pounds.
1)You ever hear of Tourette’s syndrome? Involuntarily shouting out profanities?
2) It’s exceptionally rare.
1) Shit-eating son-of-a-bitch… bastard, douche-bag, twat, numb-nuts, dickhead!
2) Why exactly are you doing this?
1) Well, if I fake it then I don’t have it.
1. Goodbye, rat dick, suck nut.
2. Bye, dog barf, piss baby.
3. Later, tesicle head, bosom beaver.
1. I just want peace and quiet.
2. Oh, I’ll be quiet.
3. I’ll be peace.
1. I’ll be quiet. 2. And i’ll be peace.
1. Oh, and don’t call me Leo.
2. But in your office, you said I should call you Leo.
3. That was in my office. At my home, I’d like you to call me Dr. Marvin.
Fay: Honey, are you alright?
Leo: (happily) I’m fine. I’m fine. Bob’s gone.
Fay: Yes, we know.
Leo: (puzzled) You do? I didn’t hear it go off.
Leo Marvin: (frantic) Now Bob, I’ve worked very hard to get where I am, you understand?
Bob Wiley: Oh, schooling alone–
Leo: I don’t want you on the show with me.
Leo: I’ll, make up some excuse.
Howie: Dr. Marvin, we’re ready for you and Bob in the den.
Bob: I can’t. Dr Marvin doesn’t want me on–
Leo: (nervous laugh) Get in there! They’re waiting for us.
Leo Marvin: (happily tieing explosives to Bob’s chest) The only significant difference between me and those other guys, Bob, is I’m gonna kill you.
Bob Wiley: But if you shoot me, our therapy will be over.
Leo: I’m not going to shoot you, Bob. I don’t think I could ever shoot anybody. I *AM* going to blow you up.
Leo Marvin: (laughing) Catherine, you have been duped by a textbook narcissist! Uh, uh, a brilliant sociopath–
Catherine: Brilliant enough to dupe my entire staff? I don’t think so, Leo.
Leo: Uh, Catherine, you don’t understand. The man is… human crazy glue!
Catherine: Then you should’ve never let him sleep in your pajamas.
Leo: (frustrated) Oh, I can’t believe that I’m hearing this!
Catherine: Leo, relax!
Leo: I’m relaxed!
Catherine: Take a vacation.
Leo: I’m ON vacation!!
Leo Marvin: What are you staring at?! I had every right to buy this house!
Mrs. Guttman: Burn in hell, Dr. Marvin!
(Fay, Anna, Siggy, and Bob sing in the kitchen as rain pours down outside)
Leo Marvin: I hate to be a party poop, but I think we’d better… call it a night.
(everyone continues singing)
Leo: (louder) I don’t mean to be rude, but I think it’s time for Bob to sing his way home.
Fay: Honey, he can’t walk home in this.
Leo: Did I say that? I’ll drive him.
Anna: Dad, the car’s down at the marina.
Anna: You said to leave it. Remember?
Leo: (annoyed) Oh, well, once the rain clears up, he can go home then.
Siggy: But what if it starts up again?
Leo: (angry) Then he can borrow my slicker!
> I knew coming up here was the right thing to do.
>> Its right because you’re here. And its right because you’re leaving.
A vacation from my problems….
A vacation from my problems…you bet I will.
alright, alright… GOSH! It’s probably going to be a short interview anyway… Just me and the family, and … my book
Baby step to four o’clock. Baby step to four o’clock.
Baby steps get on a bus. Baby steps get on a bus.
Baby steps till 4 o’clock. Baby steps till 4 o’clock!
Baby steps. Baby steps.
Bob:Uh, Leo. I see Salt on the table…but is there any salt substitute?
Fay:O, I’ll get it Bob.
Leo: (annoyed) ah..ah.. no, no.. I’ll get it…(walks in kitchen and starts choking uncontrollably)
family: Leo? are u ok??
Bob: It’s ok. I know CPR!
(Bob tries to do CDP standing up, but fails, so he throws him on the couch face first, and jumps on his back)
family: Jump higher! Maybe more with ur knee!
burn in hell dr.marvin!!!!
But it did work that way. That’s the miracle of Baby steps. It’s not just this book, it’s this man. It’s the compassion, it’s the dignity, it’s the wisdom. It’s the Horse Sense of this guy that gets you. He actually had me stay here last night in his jammys.
Check it out, look at me, I’m in really bad shape.
Cigarette, Bob? Oh, sorry, didn’t realize you were in a straightjacket! ahahaha
Didn’t I tell you? I sailed on my first try. Well, I just let the boat do the work really.
Don’t Hassel Me I’m Local
Don’t you realize that everything he’s done violates the doctor-patient relationship. And now he’s in there. With our SON.
DOOOOCCCCCTTTTTTTOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRR LLLLLEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOO MMMMMMAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRVVVVVVVVIIIIIIIINNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dr. Leo Marvin’s a genius! Your Death Therapy cured me, you genius!
Dr. Leo Marvin: Why are you always wearing black? What is it with you and this death fixation?
Siggy: Maybe I’m in mourning for my lost childhood.
Dr. Marvin!!! Dr. Leo Marvin!!!
Fay this is so scrumptious! Is this hand schucked?
good morning gill….i said….good morning gill!
Good morning, Gill. … I said GOOD MORNING GILL!
Have you ever heard of Tourette’s Syndrome, involuntarily shouting profanity? It’s extremely rare. Shit it ain’t son of a bitch! Bastard, dousche bad, num nuts, twat, dickhead, bitch! And why exactly are you doing this? Because if I fake it, then I don’t have it.
Hey, you’re Bob Wiley aren’t you? I saw you on tv. You were great!
hi, i’m bob. will you knock me out? just punch me in the face
I am going to die, you are going to die, we are all going to die.
I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful
I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful. I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful.
I feel good. I feel great. I feel wonderful.
I sail! I’m a sailor! Ahoy!!!
I see. So, what you’re saying is that even though you are an almost paralyzed, multi-phobic personality that is in a constant state of panic, your wife did not leave you, you left her because she liked Neil Diamond?
I went sailing with Siggy yesterday, Dr. Marvin accidently pushed me in.
i’m a sailor, i sail! AHOY!!!!
I’m baby stepping. I’m doing the work. I’m not a slacker! Give me! Give me! I need! I need! Give me! Give me!
I’m looking for a bathroom, I can’t find one…
I’m sailing! I’m sailing!
I’m singing in the rain just singing in the rain what a glorias feelin i’m..happy again. I’m dancin in the kitchen with a bowl full of chicken and i’m putting it in Leo, I mean doctor marvins refridgerater. Thank you
If I black out or become unconscious or if something explodes, could you tell Dr. Marvin when he calls…
in the space of the last hour, both of my children have told me that they hate me.
Is this a fake hangup……….It’s a fake hangup.
Is this corn hand shucked?
Is this hand schucked?
Isn’t this a break through? I’m a sailor now, I sail. Out on the lake way far away from shore.
It feels right because you’re here, and it feels right because you’re leaving.
It makes my lips numb just thinking about it but if your friend is a good sailor and the craft is sea worthy then yes, I’ll go sailing.
Keep Sailing, Bob!
Leo, did you want the breast?
Leo-Anna? Anna? Where are you?
Anna-Oh, Daddy, not here!
Leo-Yoohoo? I can’t hear you, Anna…
Leo-It’s not intended to work that quickly. It only worked that quickly w/ Boob…Bob
Bob- You can call me Boob
Leo- No, no i don’t want to call you boob. the point is it’s not intended to work that quickly.
make the bad man stop
mmmmmm, oh Fay mmmmmm mmmmmm of Fay this is deliciouse
Notice anything different about me? I sail.
Oh My Gosh. Give me a bowl. He’s been locked in for 8 hours, he’s ready to scream. Little negligence on my part. GERONIMO!
okay… i’ll start. well to put it simply- i have problems
On Monday we’ll eat Gil, then on Tuesday
we’ll eat Bob! (laughs) No, that’s going too
Pile it high and deep, please.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I’m a skitsefrenic, and so am I!
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I’m Schizophrenic, and so am I.
Roses are red, violets are blue. I’m a schizophrenic, and so am I.
She never says that!
Shit eating son of a bitch, bastard, duchebag…twat!
Six o’clock Bob. Time to get up. Time to rise and shine Bob. Bob! Bob! Come on Bob. Hannah go get the car right now. Bob! Time to rise and shine Bob! COCK A DOODLE DO!!! Bob! (the alarm rings and he wakes up).
So what are you trying to say? You’re saying that maybe i didn’t leave my wife because she likes Neil Diamond, maybe she left me??? Oww. Ow. (grabs chest) Oww.
so what your telling me is that im all tied up inside…baby steps untie your knots
So what’s it like, living in the same house with a brilliant analyst who’s sleeping in the bedroom next room whenever you need him? Is it great?
So youuuuuu’re Betty!
Thank you Betty please.
That was not smart that was not smaaarrrt.
There are two types of people in this world: those who like Neil Diamond and those who don’t.
There are two types of people in this world: those who like Neil Diamond and those who don’t. (pause) My ex-wife loved him.
This is a great place. No wonder the Guttman’s want it.
This is the last bus to Lake Winnepesaukah, Bob.
Yes, thank you Wang… I know that
This is the last bus to Winnipesaukee, Bob.
Um, Mrs. M.? Could you leave the door open, just a little?
Walking through the kitchen, with a bowl full of chicken… putting it in Leo – I mean Dr. Marvin’s – refridgerator.
we can’t even try to understand him. he’s so much higher up than us. we’re like ropes on a goodyear blimp
Well I just picked it up. Wonder what I’ll pick up next?
You are going to die. I am going to die. We are all going to die.
You couldn’t possibly make it 3:45?? No, 4 o’clock. It’s better, it’s best.
You think he’s gone? He’s not gone. That’s the whole point: He’s never gone!
You were incredible. I mean Dad choked and you saved him.
You’re afraid your bladder’s going to explode too?!?
You’ve turned a perfectly peaceful house into an insane asylum, get out!!!
Your book is gonna do a lot of good for a lot of people. I’m walking proof of that.
[Bob has a fear of elevators.]
Bob: Baby steps onto the elevator, baby steps into the elevator; I’m in the elevator.
[Elevator door closes.]
Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘What About Bob?’: Quotes from the movie ‘What About Bob?’