#1 ‘Colonel Sanders’! OOH how I hate that bastard, with his wee, beady eyes, ‘Oh you’re gonna eat my chicken’ #2 Dad, How can you hate the Colonel. #1 Because he puts a secret ingredient in his chicken that makes yoou crave it fortnightly, smartass!
(Reciting own poetry with back-up from dodgy jazz band.) Woman, wo-man, woooooooo-man. She was a thief. You gotta belief. She stole my heart and my cat.
(singing) Rose, jailbird…
1) Hey, Pizan! you screw up one more time, and I’ll kick your spaghetti bending but all the way back to Milan. 2) NOT NOW! 1) Was it too much with the ethnic slurs? 2) No it was fine, but it’s not PIZAN, it’s PIZON.
1) How could anyone hate the Colonel? 2) Because he puts an addictive chemical in his chicken that makes you crave it fortnightly, Smartass!
1) I’m afraid you’re going to ki…leave me. 2) You’re afraid I’m going to cleave you?
1) What do I do? 2) Don’t worry, when the time comes, you’ll know.
1).It’s late. 2).Not for me. 1).Who for then? 2).Who for then what? 1).Well you sighed and then you looked at your watch so I was just wondering who it was late for. 2). Not for me. Ilove the night life. I’ve got to boogie!!
1)Ah Mom, please don’t show her my baby pictures…2) May, show the one of charlie when shit his pants at Niagra Falls!
1. You know that woman that confessed to the murder?
2. What about her?
1. It just so happens that she confessed to some other murders.
2. I thought she would.
1. She confessed to the murders of Abraham Lincoln, Julius Caesar, and Warren G. Harding. She’s a nutcase!
1.) Well it’s a well know fact, sonny Jim, that there’s a group of the five wealthiest people in the world known as the pentaverate, who run everything in the world, including the newspapers. And meet tri-annually at a secret country mansion known as, the Meadows. 2.) So who’s in this pentaverate? 1.) The Queen, The Vatican, The Gettes, The Rothchilds and Col. Sanders before he went tets up. Oh, I hated the Col. with his wee beady eyes, and that smug look on his face, Oh your gonna buy my chicken, Oohh. 3.) Dad, how can you hate, the Col.? 1.) Because he puts an addictive chemical in his chicken that makes you crave for it nightly, smartass! 3.) Cookoo!
1.) Well, you know Harriet (2.) Well, actually, I don’t. (1.) But you did have sex with her-(1.) HEL-LO!
1.) What do you look for in a woman?
2.) Some people say sense of humor, but I’m gonna have to go with breast size.
1.) William! Move your head! Look at the size of that boy’s head. 2.) Shhh! 1.) I’m no kiddin’, it’s like an orange on a toothpick. 2.) You’re gonna give the boy a complex. 1.) Well thats a huge noggin! That’s a virtual planetoid! Has it’s own weather system! Head! Move!
1.)What…this bothers you? (2.) No, It’s one of my FAVORITE things
1.Stuart, bring in the paper.
2.Mom, I find it interesting that you call The Weekly World News *the paper*. A paper contains facts.
30 years ago, May and I were married. Some ove’ ye wer there, some ove’ ye werne born, an some ove ye ur noo DEED!
Charlie:Harriet, Harr-i-et, Hard-hearted harbinger of haggis. Beautiful bemus-ed bellicose butcher. Un-trust-ing unknowing unloved. ‘He wants you back,’ he screamed into the night air like a fireman going to a window that has no fire… except the passion of his heart. I am lonely. It’s really hard. This poem sucks.
Charlie:Rose, jailbird, happy in her cage. No longer full of rage, she roosts. Harriet, sweet Harriet, you acted cuckoo ’cause you thought I would leave you. Harriet, sweet Harriet, so know-ing so trust-ing so lov-ed. Harriet, sweet Harriet.
Charlie:Rose, jailbird, happy in her cage. No longer full of rage, she roosts. Harriet, sweet Harriet, you acted cuckoo ’cause you thought Ii would leave you. Harriet, sweet Harriet, so know-ing so trust-ing so lov-ed. Harriet, sweet Harriet.
Charlie:Woman, woe-man, whoa man. We had love, not just sex. Is she Mrs. X? I had to run for my life. Jane, get me off of this crazy thing… called love.
Charlie:Woman, woe-man, whoa, man. She was a theif, you gotta believe, she stole my heart and my cat. Betty, Judy, Josie and those hot pussy cats. They make me horny Saturday morning. Girls of cartoons won’t leave me in ruins. I want to be Betty’s Barney. Hey Jane, get me off this crazy thing… called love.
a) Dad, how can you hate, The Coronel? b) Because he puts an addictive chemical in his chicken that makes you crave it fortnightly, smartass!
Allright, away and go with your mother, why don’tcha? And while you’re at it, why don’t you try one of her bras on, you wee girl? FLOAT AWAY. ya fairy!
And Charlie! Light a match!
Beautiful, bemus-ed, bellacose butcher!
Because he puts an addictive chemical in his chicken that makes you crave it fortnightly, SMARTARSE!!
Betty…Judy… Josie and those HOT pussycats
Betty…Judy… Josie and those HOT pussycats They make me horny on Saturday morny Girls of cartoon Lead me to ruin
bought myself a Juice Tiger. I’m on the Garth Brooks Weekly World News juice diet. I juice everything now!
Can you do me a favor? When you come over to my parents’ house tonight could you NOT dress like a circa 1970s cop trying to look hip? My parents are a little eccentric.
Charlie Mackenzie: Harriet. Harry-ette. Hard-hearted harbinger of haggis. Beautiful, bemused, bellicose butcher. Un-trust… ing. Un-know… ing. Un-love… ed? He wants you back, he screamed into the night air like a firefighter going to a window that has no fire… except the passion of his heart. I am lonely. It’s really hard. This poem… sucks.
Charlie Mackenzie: Woman! Woah-man! Wooaahhhhh-man! We had love, not just sex. Is she Mrs. X? I had to run for my life…
Charlie Mackenzie: Woman… woe-man… whoooa-man. She was a thief, you got to believe, she stole my heart and my cat. Judy, Betty, Josie and those hot Pussycats… they made me horny, on Saturday morning… girls of cartoo-ins will leave me in ruins… I want to to be Betty’s Barney. Jane… get me off this crazy thing… called love.
charlie, you’ve got a pickle up ya ass again.
CHARLIE: (Drumming fingers on dashboard of car.) I’m sorry. Is that annoying you? DRIVER: No. It’s my favourite thing.
Charlie: Mom, I find it interesting that you refer to The Weekly World News as ‘the paper.’ The paper contains facts.
May: Well this paper contains facts. Look, ‘Pregnant Man Gives Birth.’ That’s a fact.
CHARLIE: So Tony, what’s the deal with your clothes? TONY: Whaddaya mean? CHARLIE: I mean you look like Huggy Bear from Starsky and Hutch. TONY: What are you talking about? I look hip! CHARLIE: No no no no no. You look like an undercover cop TRYING to look hip. TONY: I AM an undercover cop trying to look hip. CHARLIE: OK. Well, when you come over to my parents’ tomorrow night do me a favor. Try not to dress like a circa 1970’s pimp. My parents are kind of eccentric.
Charlie:Will you marry me. Harriet:No! Charlie:Please.
Come! Let us dance like children of the night!
Come, Let us dance like children of the night.
dad: Well It’s a well known fact sonny jim that there’s a secret society of the five wealthiest people in the world, called the pentaverate, that control everything, including the newspapers, and meet tri-annually in a secret colorado mansion known as the meadows.
Jim: So who’s in this pentaverate?
dad: the queen, the vatican, the yettis, the lockchilds, and colonel sanders before he went tits up. oh how I hate the colonel, with his wee beady eyes and the smug look on his face… Oh, you’re gonna buy my chicken, OH!
Mike: dad, how can you hate, the Colonel?
dad: Because he puts an addictive chemical in his chicken that makes you crave it nightly, SMARTARSE!
Dad: HEAD PAPER NOW!! Move that melon of yours and get the paper if ya can. Hualin that gargantuan cranium about. Look at the size of that head it’s like an orange on a toothpick. I’m not kiddin that boy’s head’s like Sputnik. Spherical but quite pointy at parts. That was enough said isn’t it. He’ll be cryin himself asleep tonight on his huge pillow.
Evvvil, like fru its of the deeevvvil, evvvil!
Fine go, you’ve stayed your hour
Guy had a heart attack on a cable car 2: Guess he ‘left his heart in San Francisco’
Harriet, Harriet, wake up, you were screaming the name Ralph in your sleep…Oh, I was? Mmm, she’s my friend. …She’s your friend? Ralph.She’s… your frined…Ralph…She. Ralph…She.
Harriet, sweet harriet, hard hearted harbinger of haggis… Beautiful, bermused, bellacose butcher.
Harriet. Harry-ette. Hard-hearted harbinger of haggis. Beautiful, bemused, bellicose butcher. Un-trust… ing. Un-know… ing. Un-love… ed? He wants you back, he screamed into the night air like a firefighter going to a window that has no fire… except the passion of his heart. I am lonely. It’s really hard. This poem… sucks.
He took a make-shift knife, or ‘shive’ and cut out the bitch’s eyes….this way to the cafeteria
HEAD! PANTS! NOW!
Heed, paper, NOW!
Help me I’ve married a…..wonderful person, whom I love and adore
Hey jane! get me off this crazy thing, call love.
Hey jane! get me off this crazy thing, called love.
I care for Apple Jacks a great deal. Got ’em. Gooood.
I care for Apple Jacks a great deal…Got’em….good…
I enjoy fruit loops a great deal.
I mean you look like Huggy Bear from Starsky and Hutch.
I was afraid you were going to C….leave me 2: You were afraid I was going to cleave you? 1: No, I was afraid you were going to leave me
I was just naked just then. Very nude.
I was naked just then… very nude.
I’m naked aren’t I?
I’m not going to tell Harriet that anything happened 2: Nothing DID happen
I’m smitten. I’m in deep smit.
If it’s not Scottish, it’s crap!
IF you want my body, AND u think i’m sexy, all you have to do is call…If u think im sexy, and u want my body, come on baby let me know
In this cell block Machine-gun Kelly had what we refer to in the prison system as ‘a Bitch’….
It’s a juuuice tiger, I got it for my new diet. It’s called the ‘Garth Brooks Juuice Diet’
It’s a well known fact Sonny-Jim, that there is a secret society of the five wealthiest people in the world….known as ‘The Pentaverate’
Jesus! Look at the size of that boy’s melon! I’m surprised he can hold up a head of that gargantuan size! He looks like an orange on a tooth pick!
KEITH…PAPER…NOW!!!!
Kiss your mother, or I’ll tear your lungs out!
Let’s get PISSED!
Lets get pissed!
Look at the size of that boy’s head. I’m not kiddin’ it’s like an orange on a toothpick!
look at the size of that boy’s head. i’m not kiddin’ it’s a virtual planetoid. it’s got it’s own weather system.
look at the size of that boys head…..Its like an orange on a toothpick.
Look at the size of that head! It’s like Sputnik!
Look, I’m a human blanket!
My name is John Johnson but everyone here calls me Vicki.
My name is John Johnson, but everyone here calls me Vicki.
Oh, I hated the colonel with his *wee BEADY* eyes…and that smug look on his face! Oh, you’re gonna buy my chicken, oooohhhhohhhh!
1) William! Move your head!…….Look at the size of that boy’s head! 2) Shhhhh! 1) I’m not kidding, that’s like an orange and a toothpick! 2) Shhh! You’re gonna give the kid a complex! 1) Well that’s a huge noggin! That’s a virtual planetoid! Has it’s own weather system!
Heed! Paper! Now! Move that melon of yours and get the paper if ya can, haulin that gargantuan cranium about! I’m not kidding, that boy’s head’s like Sputnik! Spherical, but quick pointy in parts. Well that was offsides, wasn’t it? He’ll be cryin’ himself to sleep on his huge pilla!
One night in a fit of jealous rage, Kelley took a homemade knife, or shiv, and cut out the bitch’s eyes. As if this weren’t enough retribution for Kelley, he and his friends then took turns pissing into the bitch’s occular cavities…. This way to the cafeteria.
One night in a fit of jealous rage, Machine Gun took a homemade knife, or shiv, and cut out the bitch’s eyes. As if this wasn’t enough retribution for Kelley, the next day he and four other inmates tooks turns pissing into the bitch’s occular cavities… This way to the cafeteria.
Ooh, I hated the Colonel! With his wee, beady eye, and his smug look!
Oooh, you’ve turned into a right sexy wee bastard, do you know that?
Or being electricuted
Pregnant man gives birth. That’s a fact.
She smelled like soup….she smelled exactly like beef vegetable soup
She stole my heart and my cat
SO KNOW-ING. SO TRUST-ING. SO LOV-ED?
Stay for a nightcap 2: No sir, I’m sure you two want to be alone…1:Stay for a nightcap! 2: Ahhhh!
Stuart: Well it’s a well know fact, sonny, that there’s a group of the five wealthiest people in the world known as the pentaverate, who run everything in the world, including the newspapers. And meet tri-annually at a secret country mansion known as, the Meadows.
Charlie: So who’s in this pentaverate?
Stuart: The Queen, The Vatican, The Gettes, The Rothchilds and Col. Sanders before he went tets up. Oh, I hated the Col. with his wee beady eyes, and that smug look on his face, Oh your gonna buy my chicken, Oohh.
Charlie: Dad, how can you hate, the Col.?
Stuart: Because he puts an addictive chemical in his chicken that makes you crave it fortnightly, smartass!
Charlie: koo koo
Tell them about the time Charlie shit his pants at Niagara Falls
The next day he and four other inmates took turns pissing into the bitches ocular cavities.
the piper is down, i repeat, we have a piper down.
the queen, the vatican, and the kernal before he went tits up!With his wee beady eyes, ‘ohh you wanna buy my chicken, ohhh’ …Dad, how can you hate ‘the kernal’…because he puts an addictive chemical in your chicken that makes crave your fork nightly, SMART ASS!!!
This paper contains facts, this paper also has the eigth highest circulation in the world.
Turn up the Bay City Rollers!
We have a piper down I repeat a piper is dowwwn
What do you look for in a woman you date? 2: Well I know most people say ‘sense of humor,’….but I’d really have to go with breast size.
Woe Man, WOoooEE MAN, she was a theif you’ve gotta believe she stole my heart and my cat
Woman, Woe Man
Woman. Whoa, man. WHOOOOAAA, man! She was a thief. You better believe. She stole my heart and my cat.
Woman. Wo-man. Woooman. She was a thief, You gotta belief, She stole my heart and my cat. Betty, Judy, Josie and those HOT Pussycats, They make me horny, Saturday morni’, Girls of cartoons won’t leave me in ruins. I want to be Betty’s Barney. Hey, Jane. Get me off this crazy thing … called love
Woman.. Wo-man. wo-o-o-o-man. She was a theif, you’ve got to believe, she stole my heart and my cat. Jane, jenny, jodie and those hot pussy cats. They make me horny, saturday morny, girls off cartoons, will leave me in ruins, I want to be Betty’s Barny. Hey Jane, get me off this crazy thing.. called Love
WOMAN…. Wo- Man….Woooo oooo oooo ooo man.
You didn’t fall in there did ya Charlie? (referring to the toilet)
You know what this place needs…? A really oversized poster of Atlantic City…. Oh you got one!
You turned into a right sexy wee bastard, d’you know that?
You were not supposed to be in the room when this note has been written and placed on the desk!
You’re the best husband I ever had
Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘So I Married an Axe Murderer’: Quotes from the movie ‘So I Married an Axe Murderer’
