Movie Quotes from Saving Silverman: Quotes from the movie Saving Silverman

1. I cant just go down there, she’ll be able to identify me.

2. That’s why your going to wear this.(holds up chicken suit)

1. Then what am i going to wear to work?

2. Your work clothes!

1. But tomorrow’s casual Friday!

#1)wheres the bathroom? #2) we don’t use the bathroom we use the lawn! #3) U’ve been pinchin loafs on the lawn i play croket out there!

#1-I Love you, Judith #2-Judith!?

(1) Did you hear she torched his Neil Diamond albums last night, (2)She torched neil…you’re right she is a monster (both start playing guitar in spanish outfits)

(1) i dont think i feel comfortable with these things on my nipples (2) i could put them on your balls (1) nipples are good, nipples are fine.

(doing hand signals) Comeon im using the Marine hand signals…i only know the navy seal signals!

…and ever since then i have been afraid of toliets… what else can i tell you about the second grade.

…oh my god, look at that juicy suculant peach. JD

1) Dude, mimes don’t talk.
2) They do when they’re…off duty.

1) Go left 2) I’m goin right

1) Judith escaped! 2) Der!

1) Maybe she was kidnappened? 2) Really you think? 1) No! Why would that ever happen… a world?

1) She is like darth vader!
2) Yeah, but with better tits.

1) She knows who we are? 2)Dude, there was nothing I could do. She used her superior intellect on me. She’s like Hannibal Lector.

1) What did you do with that bitch who was gonna marry Silverman? 2) We- 3) Ate Her. 1) You ate er’?! 2) We ate her. 3) ALIVE!

1) What is it? 2) This dead chick is stacked.

1) Why didn’t you answer the door? 2) I’m eating. 1)So what? 2) I don’t answer the door when i’m eating. 1) I didn’t know that. 2) You didn’t know a lot of things. You didn’t know I was gay! 1) Anything else you want to tell me? 2) I’ve got three balls! 1) Shut up!

1)But after we let Judith go, the cops will be looking for a guy in a bird suit. 2) So? 1)So what am I going to wear to work? 2) Your work clothes! 1) But it’s casual friday!!

1)Coach, jail life is terrible. They’re making us their girlfriends. 2)What? They’re making you wear dresses in there? That’s sick. 3)You’re somebody’s girlfriend? Who? I want to meet him.

1)Goddamn these chains! Haa!!! Wait what am I doing? 2)Just give me one free hand and I promise it’ll be worth it.

1)Here, we got you some clothes. 2)Where did you get these? 1)J.D.’s sister. She’s a stripper – and a hooker.

1)I’m gay 2)No youre not your just unsuccessful with women.1)No im gay judith got me intouch with the inner jd2)o yea howd she do that?1)She listened..unlike other friends whove known me my whole life and have ignored all the tell tale signs.2)Like what?1)My obsession with Bette Midler, my preference for track lighting, oh yea and the fact that i like sucking..2)WHAT!! youve done that? 1)well no but remeber when i bought that book on yoga?

1)I’m not eating that shit. I want a Big Montana. 2)No, I’m not going to get you one.

1)I’m not sure I’m comfortable having these things on my nipples. 2)I could put them on your balls. 2)Nipples are good.

1)Is that it? Is that everything? 2) Yes. 1) Kill her

1)Judith got me intouch with the inner J.D. 2)How’d she do that? 1)She listened. Unlike some other people who’ve known me for years.

1)Oh no problem coach, we were happy to act as witnesses on your behalf. 2) Yeah, that ref blew.

1)She didn’t even take her clothes. 2)Maybe she went somewhere that she didn’t need clothes like a nudist colony or maybe she got kidnapped. 1) You think? 2)No, no. Definitely not. It’s like why would that happen…in the world?

1)So how are you? 2)Good. Great, yeah. Well, my fiance died.

1)So how our your parents? 2)Great. They’re making a fortune on the internet. They set up this website called

1)There, that should keep you from ecscaping again… And this should keep you from biting. 2)How am a I going to eat. 1)I thought of that too. 2)What is that? 1)Breakfast.

1)They kept me in a dark closet for days. And they fed me, like, crushed potato chips under the doohohor. 2)Um, maybe I should go. 3)Oh, no Sandy. Don’t leave. 2)Well but Judith’s alive.

1)Use the navy seals signals. 2)I only know the air force signals.

1)We’ll tell him we got dates tonight. He can’t be here cause we’re getting LAID. 2)No he’ll never believe that. 1)Oh yeah. Oh! We’ll tell him we got ghosts. 3)So, boys, what’s for supper? 2)Listen coach. 1)We got ghosts!

1)What happened? 2)I ran here. 1)From the nightclub? But that’s 30 miles.

1)What the hell is going on? 2)Neil, let me explain. 1)Hey you’re those guys who have been sending me all those letters and tapes. Naked pictures. 2)We never sent you any letters…3)Sorry.

1)What’s this? 2) It’s our engagement party 1)Oh, then I guess our invitations must have been…lost in the mail. 3)No, I think it’s possible she didn’t even send us invitations.

1)When are you going to give up on this idea that I’ll go out with Sandy? 2)When you go out with Sandy.

1)Wher’re we going? 2)Where? I don’t know we got to find her, come on! Ok, where to? 1)Go left! 2)I’m going right.

1)Why can’t you just admit that when you kissed me, you liked it? 2)You’re right. I have a weakness for incompetent morons. 1)Admit it! I’m the strong-willed, assertive man that you need…and you’re the hard-core bitch that I’ve always dreamed of. CHHKKTT (Choking)

1)You boys got any TP? 2)No! 1)That’s all right. I’ll find something.

1- remember in science class when i was lighting farts with the bunson burner and i sinched my ballsack 2- doesnt ring a bell 1- man, i still cant get hair to grow on my left nut… it sucks.

1-Im not really comfortable with these things on my nipples 2-well we could put them on your balls 1-nipples are fine nipples work

1-Oh my God. 2-What? 1-This dead chick is really stacked

1-You want somethin to drink
2-Yea i’ll have a scotch on the rocks
1-COOL do you want ice with that?

1. Hi I’m Wayne 2. NO 1. just…wo my friend Darren over there really want to meet you. 2. I said no

1. YeaSure but he is America’s Greatest Songwriter and he’s our Hero.
2. And He’s playing the forum in two weeks.

1.Do you want to be gay with me? 2. No!

1.let me guess, that guy tried to get in your pants using a lame pick up line, i’m not like that. i use magic…CHA!

1.Yeah we Snuffed that broad good. 2. Oh yeah how’d you do it? 1. Uh We….. 3. Ate Her. 1. ALIVE. 2. I got to hand it to you Boys that’s the perfect crime.

1: Hey Porky, this is my boyfriend Daren, so beat it…
2: Well, it was nice meeting you Daren… Satan

1: Look into my eyes and tell me you want to marry Judith.
2: I want to marry Judith.
3: Look into both our eyes at the same time and say that.

1: This isn’t over yet
2: We’re not giving up on Daren
1: Yeahhahhh
2: Comminayahaaaaaa!!!
1: She thinks this game is over, It’s not over!
1: We’re taking this into overtime!
2: Comminayahaaaaaa!!!

Don’t make me take away your masturbation privileges.

A beer bong for milady.

admit it…i’m the strong-willed assertive man that you need and you’re the hardcore bitch i’ve always dreamed of…choke..

admit it…i’m the strong-willed assertive man that you need and you’re the hardcore bithch i’ve always dreamed of…choke


Alright! Neil Diamond’s on board!

And in a totally unrelated accident, a grave was dug up. Three cuban nationals were arrested.

Anything else you want to tell me? Ya I have 3 balls.

Are you crazy? Coach can’t stay here we got a woman locked in the garage.

Beer bong for the lady

Bong for the lady?

But sandy…shes like an angel…a god!… NO, shes like mother theresa, yea only with way better tits

c’mon ya fuckin’ peice of shit! , Yea well one time i was driving and a squerril ran out in front of me and i ran it over but it didn’t die right there it was limpin andstuff im pretty sure it died right after that….

c’mon,c’mon,c’mon,c’mon C’MON!!!! okay okay

Carpe Poon!

Cherry, Cherry.




Damn, that was my favorite jacket.

Darren I’m leaving you. We’re finished. Don’t call, write, e-mail or fax again. I never want to see you or your fake butt again. Judith


Die replacement friends!

Doesn’t one and only mean like one…and only?

Don’t make me take away your masterbation privileges!

Don’t make me take away your masturbation privileges!

Dude / Dude / Why didn’t you answer the door? / I’m eaten / so / I don’t answer the door when I’m eaten / since when / Since always / I never new that / Well you didn’t know a lot of things , you didn’t know i was gay / Is there anything else you want to tell me? / I got three balls / Shut Up

Dude if the nachos are stuck together its one nacho…

Dude shes Vader. No!! she is the emporer. Yeah! but with really great tits.

Dude you’ve been pitchin’ loaves on the lawn….I play croquet out there!

Dude, if you get 2 nachos stuck together, its like 1 nacho..

Dude, if you get the nachos stuck together…thats one nacho.

Dude, Judith escaped…


dude, when the nachos stick together it counts as one nacho

Dude, you don’t have to make the ckt sound. It already does that.

Dude, you’ve been pinchin’ loaves on the lawn. I play croquet out there.

Dude, your pinching loaves on the lawn?
I play croquet on the lawn…

dude… if you got a bunch of nachos stuck together… thats one nacho

Evil woman.

Excuse me sir this table is reserved. Look i come here all the time and i spend alot of money in this place soooo why dont you just leave me the hell alone

For Pete’s sake, she’s gettin’ away; go chop her head off or something!


fuck you replacment friends!!!!!!!!!! wayne:besides you don’t want a girl that would fuck a mime. J.D.: yea what would it look like any way….o im a mime….im a mime. Wayne:dude mimes don’t talk. J.D.: they do when they’re of duty.

Go chop her head off or something. There’s no fight left in you boys. You’re nutless.

Guy:Im Gay. Guy2:No your not. Guy: Do you wanna be gay with me? Guy2: No

Have you ever had a girlfriend?
have you ever fantasized about having sex with a man?
what man?
any man
you mean like a tall man?
b/c i dont like tall people they bother me.
a short man then.
how short? some people can be too short, then it gets weird, like midgets.
have you ever thought about having sex with ANY man?!
does that include celebrities?

He he i wonder what a mime would be like if it was having sex.. Oh, ohh i’m a mime!

He’s my puppet and Im his puppet master

helllllllllooooooooooooo ladiesssssssssssssssss

Hello Hello.

Hey boys watch for the corn hole!!!!

Hey boys watch for the corn hole!!!!!!!

Hey boys watch for the cornhole!!!

hey remember me in chemistry i as the one lighting farts on fire and singed all the pubes off me nut sack…i still cant grow pubes on my left nut

Hey Remember me JD McNougan…I was the guy who who went to the prom with a tuxedo paitned on my naked body then accidentally slipped a glass of something on myself and every1 could see my DONG


hey sandy remember me jd mcnugent? i was the guy who went to the senior prom with a tuxedo painted on my naked body. i spilled some juice and the paint ran and everyone could see my dong? oo doesnt ring a bell..

Hi Officers, you’re safe, I’m Cowboy Wayne just bagged me one of those.. killer goats that escaped from the zoo / Good Job/ Alright then

Hold them goddam horses…Ohhh…Mr. Chung get lucky. (falls down stairs) Oh scrotum.

I always knew I was different, and now I know why………..I’m gggggggaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!

I believe i happy endings, and if Neil Diamond has something to do with it, this love storys is gonna have one.

I believe in happy endings.

I don’t believe in premarital sex. I’d rather not cheapen what we have.

I don’t want to see you or your fake butt ever again.

I just happened to be by Arby’s and they were throwing out old food.

I never want to see you or your fake butt again.

I Now Pronounce You Man And Wife, You May Kiss The Bride! I Now Pronouce You Man And Wife, You May Kiss The Bride! I Know Pronounce You Man And Man, You May Kiss The Man!

I now pronounce you man and wife. I now pronounce you man and wife…I now pronounce you man and man. You may kiss the man.

I see her…I missed her.

I think Wayne was trying to set us up on a date.

I wana Party With You!

i wanna party with you!!!!

I will admit there’s something sexy about a man taking charge. Like you kidnapping me. That took balls. Big balls. I gotta say it turned me on.

I’d rather go out in a hail of bullets than go back to the big house!

I’m gone for one week, and you’re screwing a nun?

I’m hit. I need backup.

I’m not a tramp. Actually, until yesterday I was training to become a nun.

I, uh, just bagged me one of them..killer goats that uh escaped from the…zoo. OK then, see you later.

If all the nachos are stuck together… it counts as one nacho.

If u get the nachos stuch together….Thats one nacho!

If you weren’t a girl, I’d beat you up.

Is Darren here? I think he left his vespa helmet.

Is it dead? No, but she is in one deep coon coma.

Isn’t one and only like one…………..and only?

Isn’t one and only like…one……and…only?

J.D. McNugent, over and out. Chkt. That was the last one. Chkt.

JD – O ya & the fact that i like sucking dick

JD – Then Look us both in the eyes at that same time & tell us

JD Mcnugent signing off…Chhh

JD-helloooo llladies.

JD-i’m hungry can we go eat? wayne- yes, after the kindnapping. JD- can we go to happy burger? wayne- yes, AFTER the kidnapping. JD- i’m gonna get a chubby checker wi.. wayne-shhh!! JD..with cheese.

JD: Dude what does a mime look like when its having sex anyway? Its probably like Oh Oh I’m a mime, I’m a mime.
Wayne: Dude, mimes dont talk.
JD: They do…when theyre off duty.

JD: Dude, dosen’t your one and only mean your one………and only?

JD: Duude, if you get the nachos stuck together, that’s one nacho.

JD: Man that is romantic…oh my God look at the juicy, suculant peach….

JD: Neil! I wanna party with you! I wanna party with you!!!!

JD: Yeah you know what….yep. its the lugnut.. fixed it. Please sit down. Judith: I’ll Stand!

JD:Maybe she was kidnapped. Darren:you think so??? JD: no…no, why would that happen…in a world?

JD:Maybe she’s a herm. Darren:A herm? JD:You know, a lil dick a lil pus

Judith escaped. der!!!!

judith-hey where’s your bird suit? JD-i dont neeed it cause we’re, we;re Wayne-Because we’re gonna kill u

Judith: Face it. Your buddy smokes pole and so do you.

Judith: Have you ever fantasized about having sex with a guy? JD: What kind of guy? Judith:Any kind of guy JD:like a tall guy? Judith: sure JD: I dont like tall guys! they scare me Judith: ok a short guy! Judith: How short? they can be too short ya kno…like a midget! Judith: Have u fantisized about having sex with ANY kind of guy? JD: does that include celebrities?

Judith: I’ll have a scotch on the rocks.
J.D.: You want that with ice?

Judith: you must be very well educated; I.V. League?
J.D: more or less
Judith: oh? which one?
J.D: S.U.
Judith: Stanford University?
J.D: …..Subway…University…

Just because I lost Darren doesn’t mean I’m crazy enough to hook up with you.

just remember, women are only after yer manjuice. if you ever have any urges you can supress with hard liquor, just use this (holds up hand)

Let me guess. That jerk tried to get in your pants with some tacky pick-up line. I’m not like that. I use magic.

Let’s just say I’m a friend of the boys and I’m here to kill ya!

Ll they want from you is your man juice

look at that suckulent beast (Butterfly by Crazy Town playing in the back round) (Judith’s hair blowing)

Love on the rocks aint no big suprise / But you got to help us get them back together / I don’t know / Come on Neil turn on your heart light / ….Hold On / oh and did I mention i was gay.

Love on the rocks, ain’t no big surprise

Man 1:Where do u all take a dump Man 2:We dont use the bathroom. We’re trying to save up on our water bill Man 1:Then where do u all go? Man 2:the front lawn Man 1:Great Idea! Man 3:Dude you’ve been pitchin loads on our front lawn? I play crouquet out there!

man you been pitchin loads in the front yard, i play crochet out there.

maybe shes a herm..


Now go home and snuff that bitch!!

Now, let’s go bust out some power squats.

oh man get your ding dong out of my cornhole, its gross, there is poo poo everywhere

oh ya, and the fact that i like suckin dick

Oh yeah, one time when I was drivin’. This squirrel ran out in the street and I ran over him, and he didn’t die right then but he was limpin’ and stuff. I’m pretty sure he died right after that.

Oh yeah, well one time I was driving, and this squirrel ran out into the street and I hit him. And he didn’t die right then, but he was limping and stuff, I’m pretty sure he died right after.

Oh yeah? One time I was drivin, and this squirrel ran out in the road and I rasn over it. It didn’t die right then but it was limpin’ and stuff. I’m pretty sure it died right after that. J.D.

OK where to-where to?….go left!….I’m goin right!!!

OK where to-where to?? Go left….I’m goin right!!

Remember in science class when i was lighting farts with the bunson burner and i singed my ballsack #2-doesn’t ring a bell #1-man, i still cant grow hair on my left nut. it sucks.

She knows who we are?? Dude, there was nothing I could do about it! She used her super intalect on me man, she’s like Hannibal Lecter!

she torched neil… that bitch

she torched neil…..that bitch

Stay back. I’m goin’ in.

Stealer! Of….my friend!

Stealer…of my freind!!!


The victim’s whiney family is protesting.

This one time, I was driving, and this squirell ran our in front of me. He didn’t die right then, but he was limping and stuff. I’m pretty sure he died right after that.

Two things you got to remember, boys: 1. Stay away from women. All they want from you is your man juice. Now, if you get any urges that you can’t suppress with hard liquor, use this. Oh, 2. Sportsmanship, sportsmanship, sportsmanship.

Wayne :So Darren tells me you’re a psychologist.
Judith: That’s right.
Wayne: I’m in a related field.
Judith: Really? What is it?
Wayne: Pest and rodent removal.
Judith: How is that related?
Wayne: We both help people.

Wayne, I found out I’m gay”….”Wayne: No your not, your just unsuccessful with women

wayne- yeeeeaauuh
JD- comona yeeeeeaah haaaa!!
wayne- she thinks this is over…its not over!!
JD- nnnooooooohaaaaaa!!!!

wayne: dude, mimes dont talk…
jd: they do…when theyre off duty

Wayne: Hi, Officers. Youre safe. I just begged me one of dem killer goats from the zoo.

Wayne: Sorry the salsa bath…, JD: and the beer shower.

Wayne: We ate her Coach: You ate her? JD: ALIVE!

Wayne: you gave her your word. Darren: i never even talked to her. Wayne: well i gave her your word, now lets go. come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, yeah alright come on!

Wayne:Dude, we miss you./JD: Yeah, we never see you anymore./Darren: Well, I’ve been kind of busy. Plus, with my relationship counseling sessions…/Wayne: You’re in counseling?/Darren: Yeah, yeah. I go two hours, three times a week./Wayne: Oh yeah, who’s your counselor?/Darren: Judith.

Wayne:How much? lady 1:$50 for you and $250 for your friend. JD & Wayne: Alright!

We’re going to kidnap Judith and set Darren up with Sandy!!!

we’re gonna kidnap judith and set darren up with sandy! huhyeahhhhhhhhHA- ………………….what?

Well, there’s the duck – that was always Judith’s favorite.

what about my fascination for bette midler, my preference for track lighting, and, oh yea, the fact that i like sucking dick.

wow you’ve got quiet a grip you must be a heavy say 3 times a day. you also must be a pre-mature ejaculator you start off with a big band and then…YOU’RE LIMP!i win now get out

ya ate her? thats the perfect crime.

Yea well…the convent has a great gym

yeah we ate her…alive

yep, it was the lugnut…. fixed it

You fairy wimp fruit bag! You suck!

You got your choice: porno or monster trucks. Oh, and there’s one that’s both.

You wanna be gay, FINE, but from now on I’ll take care of judith, myself / Hey, you wanna be gay with me? / NO

You’re the only person who’s ever truly understood me. IEIEIEIEIEEIEI!!!!!

you’ve been pitchin loaves on the lawn man?! i play krokaye out there!

Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Saving Silverman’: Quotes from the movie ‘Saving Silverman’

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