–I hate mess and I hate disorder. I went to a hypnotist to try and cure me.
–Didn’t work, huh?
–No, he was late. I straightened up his office and left.
1) Look, we have to have a plan. Agreed? 2) Agreed. 1) Okay. What do you think the plan should be? 2) I don’t care. I agreed. I did my part.
1) Okay, Felix, make out a timetable. When you’re gonna eat, when you’re gonna pee, when you’re gonna fart, and when you’re gonna sleep, because that’s the last time I’m pulling off the freeway, ya hear? 2) Oh, and I suppose you never have to pee, huh? 1) I do it for half an hour in the morning, then I’m through for the day.
1) There are faster ways of delivery now. FedEx, UPS, fax… 2) Oh, you’re gonna FAX me my suitcase?
1) Who’s going to pick us up now? We look like a couple of Pillsbury Doughboys. 2) Well, we better get out of the sun before we start to rise.
1) You got a lawyer? 2) Yeah. He’s 92. It takes him six hours to walk to the telephone. Case will be over.
1.Better pull off the freeway, Oscar, I have to eat. I have a low sugar condition, I have to eat every four hours. 2.Why the hell didn’t you eat when we were back at El Pollo Loco? 1.Because it wasn’t time to eat yet, it was time to pee. Sheesh!
1.He’s like my third husband, he should rest in peace.
2.How do you know he’s dead? Maybe he’s just bluffing.
1.I think I figured out where we are. 2.Where? 1.In a Clint Eastwood movie.
1.Look instead of complaining, why don’t you look around for a telephone. 2.What the hell makes you think there’d be a telephone anywhere out here? This is probably where they test those nuclear bombs. 1.Well they would have to call somebody to find out if they went off wouldn’t they?
1.So the man is dead, and you have his wallet, riding in an antique car that’s worth over $150,000. How do you think this looks?
2.To you it looks terrible. My mother, she wouldn’t be all that upset.
1.The wick is almost out, Felix. All I want is for the candle to glow one last time rather than curse the darkness. 2.It’s not going out, Oscar, not yours and not mine. But I still have hope that somewhere out there we’ll find the right lamplighter. 1.You know, we just used so many metaphors I forgot what the hell we were talking about.
1.Was it San Marino?
2.Not San Marino, maybe San Quentino.
1.Not San Quentino, San Sorina.
2.No not San Sorina.
1.San Mateo. San Clemente. Roberto Clemente.
2.Sancho Pancho. Pancho Gonzales.
1.Ferrando Lamas, Ricardo Montalban.
2.Ricky Ricardo!
1.What freeway are we supposed to be on? 2.The 405. 1.I think that sign back there said 101. 2.If you didn’t have the brains to pee back at the airport, how could you possibly read that sign? 1.Reading and peeing are two different things! 2.At your age you’re lucky you can do either one.
1.Why did you take his toupee? 2.We didn’t! A truck whizzed by and blew it off, huh? 3.Yeah. I tried to get it back. A bird sat on it, I shooed him, and he flew away with the hairpiece. 1.You shot him? You had a gun? 3.No, no, not shot him, I shooed him. ‘Shoo, shoo!’ Then a hunter shot him, the bird fell on top of the car, and the hairpiece fell on the windshield. I hope there’s not gonna be a trial, because I’d hate to repeat that story in court.
Blanche, would you stop pointing your finger at me and yelling. You got two other husbands here to do that with.
I hope you won’t be offended by my saying I hope to God I never see either of you two again.
I think I just seen Omar Sharif on a camel.
Nothing has changed, Felix. I’m still a pig, you’re still a human vacuum cleaner.
This is the biggest, goddamnest deja vu anybody has ever had. Can we please play cards here, for crying out loud?
We’ve always had bad chemistry, Felix. We mix like oil and frozen yogurt.
Do u know where we are? … UM, not exactly… Well give me the map I’ll find out…. I dont have the map– where’d you put it? I threw it out the window… you threw it out the window? what in god’s name made u do a thing like that? …Well i put it on my lap to light my cigar.. the hot ashes fell on the map and were BURNING ON MY CROTCH. I had the choice of losing the map or losing the most important part of my body.
Felix:…If you say trifecta one more time I’m going to choke you until you are dead, then that man can arrest me one more time for one more crime, one more crime turning into a fourfecta! So you shut the fuck up you hear? Oscar: I think you can get a fourfecta in Cuba but it’s a cigar! (Felix starts to choke Oscar)
I dont get around much anymore(Felix singing) Boy it feels good to be in clean pajamas again. Boy was that a wedding haha I am so glad the kids loved the silver tray by he way you never told me what you gave them not that its any of my damn business. Felix tomorrow night I’m going to be in my own bed it’s not a greatbed because it never talks during the night. Oh I wanted…..Felix please we have to be on that airport bus at 9 a.m. oh forgot to tell you no bus Lease has hired a limo to take us to the airport whose Lease? Felease i started calling her Lease now and she likes it what does she call you Lix, oh and I’m not going back to New York I’m goint to spend some time up in San Fran. San Fran Lix and Lease what the hell is going on. GN, GN? Good Night.
John? Where’s John? …I’m right here!…. O, Why don’t ya sit on a magazine or something I can’t see you.
Never count me out until the fat lady divorces me!
Now,in your suitcase,the police are gonna find your broken,smashed,mutulated and dissected body in the event that you don’t go back and find my fucking suitcase!
San Mateo.
The trunk is this big. It takes a second and a half to look. Your 1927 piece of cardboard is back there but not mine.
We haven’t even said hello and i have a broken leg it’s not broken its just as sprain Hello Felix. Tell me when your going to hit a bump ouch ouch, ok thats was a bump.
We’d better call Budget and have them fax us another car.
Who are you, Dirty Harry?
Why,when you get around me you start to behave like a goddamn imbecilic,idiotic,totally moronic shithead?!
Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Odd Couple II, The’: Quotes from the movie ‘Odd Couple II, The’