$275-thou, might wanna hang on to that one.
wait wait the town is to miles that way…..we just have to keep our eyes open
#1 Why would she have you meet her in a bar at 10 o’clock in the morning?
#2 I just figured she was a ragin’ alcoholic.
#1. Go where? Where do you want to go? #2. Someplace warm. A place where the beer flows like wine. A place where beautiful women flock like the salmon of Copastrono. I’m talkin’ about a li’l place called Assspen. #2. I dunno Lloyd, the French are assholes….what a minute! You wanna go to Aspen to find that girl who lost her briefcase, right?
#1.where ya headed. #2.aspen. #1.california nice.
#1: Going to the airport? #2: Yes. #1: Flying somewhere?
(1) Uh oh,…(2)What? Whats the matter? (1) You spilled the salt thats whats the matter. Spilling the salt is very bad luck. We’re drivin half way around the country, the last thing we need is bad luck. Quick, throw some salt over your right shoulder! (3) What the hell!
(1)…she touched my leg…(2) OK! Kill him!!
(1)mock…. (2)yea… (1)ing… (2)yea (1)BIRD (2)yea
(1)S-Swimmy, Swammy, S-Slappy, S-Swan-Swanson, Swanson? (2)Well maybe it’s on the briefcase. (1)Oh, yeah! Sampsonite! I was way off!
(Harry)Look at the butt on that thang! (Loyd)yeah he must work out!
(Joe)Maybe if we trash the appartment they’ll get the message. (Hit-man#2)I don’t think they’re gunna get the message Joe. I mean the guy’s got worms in his living room!
(Mrs.Nutteborn)…Now i hardly have time to prep them! (Harry) Oh Mrs.Nute…Nutter..(1)BORN!(2) Born…Nutteborn you won’t need to prep them mam i clipped them and groomed them myself and i stand by my preformance (open the door and the dogs are covered in ketchup and mustard) actually you might just wanna run a brush through em’
(slurred)Hi there. You wouldn’t happen to have a cup of warm water, would you?
(throws coffee cup at harry) hey! i was wonderin when u were get up?! harry:how how long have i been out? lloyd: (yawning) i’d say a good five hours..
(woman)…alright you seem harmless enough. My number is 555-21…wait thats my old number! hah! you know how sometimes you get those numbers mixed up…(Harry)JUST GIMME THE GAWDDAMN NUMBER!(woman)fine you know what if yer gonna get pushy then just forget it!
)Mary(We’ve been having some, uh family problems… but I dont wanna bor you with those.
)Harry(Thanks.
,
– I drove her to the airport. Sparks flew, motions ran high…She actually talked to me man!
– Get outta here?
– Oh yeah, yeah…
– Pull over! Pull over!
– What? Oh, it’s a cardigan, but thanks for noticing.
-Excuse me Flo?… Flo like the TV show… What is the soup de jour
-It’s the soup of the day
-Mmmm…that sounds good, I’ll have that.
-when i met mary i got that old fashioned romantic feeling where i’d do anything to bone her
-that’s a special feeling
……your name is HARRY isn’t it?!
…and then she said, I don’t know, but that sure is a nice ski mask.
…no, but that’s a real nice ski mask!
…Now i hardly have time to prep them! (Harry) Oh Mrs.Nute…Nutter..(1)BORN!(2) Born…Nutteborn you won’t need to prep them mam i clipped them and groomed them myself and i stand by my preformance (open the door and the dogs are covered in ketchup and mustard) actually you might just wanna run a brush through em’
…so he said ‘do you love me?’ and she said ‘i dunno but thats areal nice ski mask.’
1) And do you know what he did next? 2) NO! AND I DON’T CARE!! 1) Well he came home and he wanted to fix the sink! I couldn’t believe it!!
1) But what if he shot you in the head? 2) *gasp* (looks at FBI agent) yeah, what if he had shot me in the head? 3) That’s a chance we were willing to take.
1) I figured the Rocky Mountains would be a rockier than this. 2) I was thinking the same thing. 1) That John Denver’s full of shit man.
1) I was expecting the rocky mountains to be a little rockier than this 2) I was thinking the same thing….that John Denver’s full of shit man
1) Man , you are one pathetic loser . No offense 2) No , none taken .
1) Nice set of hooters you got there. 2) I beg your pardon? 1) The owls.
1) Please, kill me first 2) No,no, kill me. Yesterday was the best day of my life. Mary and i went skiing, had a snowball fight, made a snow man, she touched my leg. 1) OKAY, KILL HIM!!!!!!! (gun goes off and the bullet hits person 2 in the chest, and he falls on the bed.) 1) You killed my best friend!!!!
1) So what happens, this guy tricks some sucker into payin for his check and gets away with it scotch free? 2) No, in the movie they catch up with him a half-mile down the road and slit his throat. It was a good one!
1) That’s a very nice accent you have. New Jersey? 2) Austria! G’day mate! Let’s put a shrimp on the barbie! 2) Let’s not.
1) Thatsa nice set of hooters yo got there . 2) What ? 1) The owls , They’re beautiful.
1) What if he shot me in the face? 2) That was a risk we were going to take.
1) Where’d you learn that? 2)Saw it in a movie once. 1) So what, this guy suckers this poor sap into paying for his bill and he gets away scott free? 2) No about a half mile down the road they catch up with him and slit his throat, Ya it was a good one. MMMMMMMM Harry, when you get a chance, pull over. I gotta pee.
1) You sold my dead bird to a blind kid? Petie didn’t even have a head! 2) Harry, I took care of it! (next scene shows the kid holding a parakeet with Scotch tape holding it’s severed head to it’s neck.)
1)Good day mate! Let’s put another shrimp on the barbie! 2)Let’s not.
1)How was your day? 2) Not bad, I fell off the jetway again.
1)I expected the Rocky Mountains to be a little rockier than this. 2)I was thinking the same thing. That John Denver’s full of shit man.
1)I have to go to the bathroom. 2)JUST GO!!!!
1)more like one in a million
2)so you’re telling me there’s still a chance?
1)more like one in a million
2)so you’re telling me there’s still a chance? YEAH!!!
1)Nice Accent….Jersey? 2)No Austria. 1)Oh Lets put another shrimp on the barbi. 2)(Wierd Smile)
1)RADIO!?! Who needs a radio!?! MOCK!!! 2)ING!!! !)MOCK!!! 2)ING!!!
1&2)MOCKINGBIRD!!!
1)Swanson? Swamson? 2)Maybe the name is on the bag 1)SAMSONITE..i was way off
1)That was genius! How did you come up with a scheme like that? 2)I saw it in a movie. 1)So, what happened? Two guys tricked someone into paying for their tab and got away scot free? 2)No, in the movie, they catch up to them about a half mile down the road, and slit their throats. It was a good one!
1)What are the chances of a guy like you and a girl like me gettin’ together? 2) Not good. 1) You mean like one out of a hundred? 2) More like one out of a million. 1) So you’re tellin’ me there’s still a chance?
1)What’s the matter Harry, some philly break your heart? 2)No, it was a girl.
1)you had an extra set of gloves this whole time 2) ya! Were in the rockies!
1)YOU SPILLED THE SALT. the last thing we need going on a cross country trip is for you to spill the salt, now throw it over your sholder.
1)you’re it 2) no, you’re it 1) you’re it quincies 2) you’re it anti-quincies stamped it no erasies 1)you’re it anti-quincies double stamped it no erasies 2) you’re it anti-quincies tripled stamped it no erasies touch blue to make it true 1) you can’t triple stamp a double stamp, lloyd, you can’t triple stamp a double stamp, lloyd, lloyd
1-I cant fe fe feel my fingers anymore loyd they’re numb
2-oooh….maybe you should wear these extra gloves
1. Austria? Ha! Good day, mate! Let’s put another sha-rimp on the barbie! 2. Let’s not!
1. Come on, let me do ’em, let me do both of them, you don’t have to worry about it! 2. Just SHUT UP! We don’t even know these guys! You don’t KILL people you don’t know, that’s a rule!
1. Excuse me, do you know where the hospital is? My driver is a little lost and I’m supposed to be giving a lecture in about 20 minutes. 2. You go straight ahead and take a left over the bridge. 1. That’s a wonderful accent you have. New Jersey? 2. Austria. 1. Austria! Ha ha! (Austrailan accent) G’day mate, let’s put another shrimp on the barbie! 2. Let’s not!
1. Got room for one more if you still want to go to Aspen. 2. Where did you find that? 1. Some kid back in town, traded the van for it, straight up. I can get 70 miles to the gallon on this hog. 2. You know, Lloyd, just when I think that you can’t get any dumber, you go and do something like this…AND TOTALLY REDEEM YOURSELF!
1. I c-can’t feel my fingers anymore, Lloyd, they-they’re numb! 2. Maybe you should wear this pair of extra gloves. My hands are starting to get sweaty. 1. Extra gloves? You’ve had this pair of extra gloves the whole time? 2. Yeah, we’re in the Rockies.
1. I’ll tell you where. Someplace warm. A place where the beer flows like wine. Where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. I’m talking about a little place called Aspen.
2. Oh, I don’t know, Lloyd. The French are assholes.
1. I’m only human, Harry! Anybody can make a mistake! C’mon, get up, big baby, so we backtracked a tad! 2. A TAD? A TAD, LLOYD? YOU JUST DROVE US A SIXTH OF THE COUNTRY IN THE WRONG DIRECTION! NOW WE DON’T HAVE ANY MONEY TO GET TO ASPEN, WE DON’T HAVE ENOUGH TO GET HOME, WE DON’T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO EAT, WE DON’T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO SLEEP! 1. Harry, we’re just in a big hole and will have to dig ourselves out of it! 2. You’re right, you’re absolutely right! (leaves) 1. Where are you going? 2. Home! I’m walking home! 1. Well, pardon me, MR. PERFECT! I guess I forgot that you never make a mistake!
1. Life’s a fragile thing, Harry. One minute, you’re chewing on a burger and the next, you’re dead meat. 2. Well, he blamed me, those were his last words. 1. Not if you count the gurgling sound.
1. Mock 2. YA 1. ING 2. YA 1. Bird 2. YA 1. Ya 2. YA…. MOCKING BIRD!
1. One time we breeded a bull dog with a shitzu. 2. Really, that’s weird. 1. Yeah we called it a bull shit. (Harry laughing histerically)
1. We just drove around all day and there is not a single job in this town, there’s nothing, nada, zip! 2. Yeah, unless you wanna work 40 hours a week!
1. You sold my dead bird to a blind kid? 2. Harry… I took care of it.
1.)Hey Loyd, there’s some people wanna ride too. 2.) Pick ’em up
1.)Just when I think you couldnt possibly get any dumber,you go and pull a stunt like this!AND TOTALLY REDEEM YOURSELF!
1.)Man,the rocky mountains sure are flat.2.)Yeah,that John Denver guy was full of shit.
1.)T..T..T-he….2.)The
1.- You sold Petey!?
2.- Pretty bird, pretty bird.
1.Hey Lloyd. 2. Hey Harry. 3. How was your day? 4. Not too bad, fell off the jet way again.
1.Tic tac sir 2.Blahhhh, get the hell outta here
1.Were you gonna eat that? 2.Yes, No, maybe…it crossed my mind
1.What are the chances of a guy like you and a girl like me…I mean a girl like you and a guy like me getting together? 2. One in a million 1. So you’re sayin there’s a chance?!!!
1.What is the soup du jour? 2.It’s the soup of the day. 3.Mmmm, that sounds good, I’ll have that.
1.Where are you from? 2.Austria. 1. Well…g’day mate! Let’s throw another shrimp on the barbie.
1: i mean, if one beautiful girl can come between us, maybe we shouldn’t be friends at all anymore! 2: you just tell me where to sign, bub 1: RIGHT ON MY ASS, AFTER YOU KISS IT!!!!
1: I thought the Rocky Mountains were a little more rocky than this. 2: Yeah, that John Denver’s full of shit, man.
1: MOCK 2: Yeah 1: ing 2: yeah 1: bird 2; yeah 1: yeah 2: yeah 1and2: Moking bird now everybody have you heard Im gonna buy you a moking bird…
1: Now be honest. Give it to me straight. What are the chances of a guy like you and a girl like me getting together?
2: Well…not good.
1: Not good like…1 in 10?
2: More like 1 in a million.
1: So….You’re sayin there’s a chance.
1: What are the chances of a guy like you and a girl like me, ending up together? 2: Not good. 1: Not good like, 1 in 100? 2: I’d say more like 1 in 1000000. 1: So you’re tellin me there’s a chance! I read ya.
Harry:thats a nice set of hooters you got there.Mary:excuse me? Harry:the birds..i means the birds!
>Excuse me Flo? What’s the soup du jour? >>It’s the soup of the day. >Mmm, that sounds good, I think I’ll have that.
a little place called aspen…..where beautiful ladies flock like the salmon of capastrona
aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh……haarrrryyy….ur hands are freezing
About the only thing we know about that man is he’s independantly wealthy, and totally insane
According to this map, we’ve only gone 2 INCHES!!
According to this map, we’ve only gony about four inches. I don’t think we have enough gas money.
AH…time out.
ahh big gulps….well see ya later!
All right, who’s the DEADMAN that hit me with the salt shaker?
all we gotta do is show a little class, a little sophistication, and were in like a dirty shirt.
Are those your skis? Both of them?
Aspen……….were the beer flows like wine
Aspen? CALIFORNIA!!!!!!!
Big Gulp eh? Alright !!…Welp, see ya later
BIG GULP HUH? WELL, SEE YA LATER
Big Gulp, huh…..welp, seeya later!
Big gulps huh….well see ya later
Big gulps huh? Welp, See you later
Big Gulps, huh? Well, see you later!
both cheeks, both lips, right here, muah muah muah muah
boy, this party really died
Boy, this party really died.
C’mon Joe, let me do them. Let me do both of ’em. You won’t even have to worry about it.
can i wash my winky in your kitchen sinky?
chck out those hooters
Check out the funbags on that hosehound
Check out the funbags on that hosehound!
Check please!
Come on, give me that booze, you little pumpkin pie-hair cutted freak, come on!
Cop: come on! Gimme’ the booze ya’ little pumpkin pie hair-cutted freak! come on!
Uh sir, i wouldn’t drink that if i were you!
Cop: you’d keep your mouth shut if you knew what was good for you,buddy
>choke<
Harry: tic tac sir?
cop: get the hell out of here!
Cop: Pull Over!
Harry: No cardigan, but thanks for asking!
Cop: Pull over! Harry: No, it’s a cardigan! But thanks for noticing! Lloyd: Yeah! Killer boots man!
COP: Pull over!!! Harry: Huh? COP: Pull over!!!
HARRY:
[as he looks at his sweater]:
No, It’s a cardigan, but thanks for noticing!!
Did ya hear about The Monkeys? They were a major influence on The Beatles…
did you pay the gas bill?
DO U REALIZE WHAT YOU’VE DONE?!?
Do you not understand the concept of OTHER PEOPLE?
Don’t ya go dyin on me now!
dons hot, heathers hot, they should get together and make hot babies, or parashoot off of a diving board and call it gonnareah
Dont you go dyin’ on me!
Dude in restaurant: Kick his ass Seabass!!!
escuse me flo?Flo like the tv show!
excuse me can u tell me where the university is i’m supposed to bein doin a leature in about 20min and my drivers a bit lost. u go straight ahead then u make a left over the bridge. thats a lovely accent u have, new jersey. austria. austria well good day mate how bout another shrimp on the barbie. lets not.
Excuse me Flo? (hehe) What’s is the Soup De Jour? ( It’s the Sooup of the Day…) Mmmm… That sounds good. I’ll have that.
Excuse me is it 10am yet? No sir its 1pm. Yeah thats what i have too i was just hoping mine was a little fast
Excuse me sir? Do you wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…Guys Guys Guys
excuse me, flo, what’s the soup du jour?
Excuse me… could you tell me how to get to the medical center? I’m supposed to be doing a luncheon in about 20 minutes and my drivers a bit lost.
excuse me…Flo. What’s the soup de jour? Flo: it’s the soup of the day. Harry: ummmm…. that sounds good… I’ll have that.
Feels good to mingle with these laid-back-country-folk, don’t it hair? I LIKE IT A LOT.
fell off the jet-way again.
fell off the jetway again.
Find a happy place.
Find a happy place..
flush you bastard!
footlong, who’s got the footlong!
For God’s sake, just give me the damn number!
Freda told me the whole sleezy story Mr. French Tickler
From around here?
G’day Mate! Let’s put another shimp on the barbie!
geez i thought the rocky mountains would be a little rockier than this.
yeah that jon denvers full of shit
Get off the phone. Get off the…
Get the hell outa here you pumpkin pie hair cutted freaks
Give me that booze, you pumpkin-pie hair-cutted freak!
good by my love!!
Good bye my loooove!
Good-Bye my love
goodbye my loooooooov(giant airbag deploys after he hits a car)
Goodbye my loooove!!!!!!
Got a little nippy back there going through the pass, eh Har?
H: She wrote me a john-dear letter…something about me not listening enough, I don’t know…I wasn’t really paying attention.
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! (llyod on his way to mary’s after giving harry the x-lax)
Hand over the booz you pumpkin-pie haircutted freak!
HARRY I TOOK CARE OF IT
Harry i took care of it
harry the velocity…
Harry Your Hands Are Freezing!!!!!
HARRY! your hands are freeeeeeeezing!
HARRY!!! You’re alive…..and a horrible shot
Harry, I took care of it!
Harry, I took care of it….
Harry, you’re alive…and you’re a horrible shot
HARRY, YOUR HANDS ARE FREEZING!!
Harry, your hands are FRRREEEEZZZZIIINGG!!!
Harry,…I took care of it!
Harry- I can’t feel my hands, they’re, they’re numb…Lloyd- oooo, here, you can put on these extra pair of gloves, my hands are starting to get sweatty. Harry- You’ve had an extra pair of gloves this whole time?! Lloyd- ya!, We’re in the Rockies! Harry- I’m gonna kill you!
Harry-I can’t believe theres not a single job in this town.
Llyod-Ya unless you wanna work 40 hours a week
Harry-One time we succesfully mated a bulldog with a shitzue
Mary-Really. That’s weird
Harry-Ya uh ya we called it a bullshit
harry-skiies, kool, they yours? -Lady- Uh huh. -harry- both of em’? -lADY- yEA… -harry- oh, kool.
loyd-your it harry- your it!
harry- nice set of hooters ya got there -mary- i beg your parden-harry- the owls, there beautiful!
harry- howd you make an extra 25 bucks-loyd- i sold sum stuff to _____ -harry- THE BLIND KID! well what did you sell him loyd? -loyd-ya know, a sack of marbels, baseball cards (cough petey cough!) -harry- YOU SOLD MY DEAD BIRD TO A BILND KID!-LOYD- HARRY, I TOOK CARE OF IT!
-loyd- we got no food, we got no jobs, OUR PETS HEADS ARE FALLIN’ OFF!-HARRY- ok loyd just calm down!
-loyd- suck me sideways!
-loyd- im talkin’ bout a place called aspen…-harry- i dont know loyd, the french are assholes!
Harry….I took care of it!
Harry…i took care of it!
Harry…what if they shot you in the face?
Harry..It’s Mary!
Harry: So what happened, he got his meal free and got away scott free?
Lloyd: No, about a half mile down the road they caught up to him and slit his throat! It was a good one!
(Harry speeds up truck)
Harry: We went skiing, had a snowball fight, she touched my leg…
Lloyd: OK KILL HIM!!!
Harry: Whats that?
Lloyd: A love momento
Harry: Whats in it?
Lloyd: Man, what kind of low life would go snoopin around in someone else’s personal stuff?
Harry: Is it locked?
Lloyd: Yeah, pretty well too
*knocking on door*
Harry: There’s two people out there with guns
Lloyd: Did you pay the gas bill? DO YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU’VE DONE?!?!
Harry: Dont worrie ma’am, I stand by my proformance. I groomed, washed, and cliped these dofs my self.
(door opens)
Harry: On second thought, you might just want to run a comb through them.
HARRY: Good plan, wheres she live?
LLOYD: I don’t know
HARRY: What’s her last name? I’ll look it up
LLOYD: Uhh…..you know, I don’t really recall. It starts with an S. Swim,swammy,ss,slippy,slappy,slimmon,sommon,simmons,som,swans,swenson,swanson?
HARRY: Maybe it’s on the briefcase, look on the-
LLOYD: OH YEAH! It’s right here, Samsonite….I was way off, I knew it started with an S though
Harry: Hi Loyd
Loyd: Hey Harry
Harry: How was your day?
Loyd: OK… Fell off the Jetway again.
harry: I got fired today
loyd: Man! you are one pathetic loser!… No offense
harry: oh, none taken
Harry: I thought the Rocky mountains would be a little rickier’ n’ this.
Lloyd: Ya..I was thinkin the same thing….that John Denver is fulla shit!
Harry: I’m freezing, Loyd…my hands are freezing. Loyd: Oh, well why don’t you take these gloves, my hands were getting a little sweaty. Harry: You mean to tell me that you had two pairs of gloves on this whole time? Loyd: Yeah…we’re in the Rockies. Harry: I’m going to kill you! Loyd: What? Harry: I’m goning to kill you, Loyd! I gonna thorow that d**** curse in that d**** pond (refering to briefcase full of money).
Harry: Nice set of hooters u got there. Mary: Pardon me?!. Harry: The owls
Harry: Nice skis. Girl: Thanks. Harry: They yours? Girl: yep. Harry: Bth of them? Girl: yeah… Harry: cool!
Harry: One time, we successfully mated a bulldog with a shiatsu.
Mary: Really? That’s unusual.
Harry: Yeah, we called it a bullshit. Ha ha ha!
Harry: One time, we successfully mated a bulldog with a shih tzu.
Mary: Really? That’s weird.
Harry: Yeah, we call it a baloney! (laughs)
Harry: Skis, huh?
Beth: That*s right!
Harry: Great! They yours?
Beth: Uh-huh.
Harry: Both of *em?
Beth: Um….yea
Harry: Ah…cool!
Harry: So you got fired today?
Lloyd: Yeah, they always freak out when you leave the scene of an accident.
Harry: I lost my job today too.
Lloyd: Man, you are one pathetic loser. No offense.
Harry: Those your skis?
Chick: Yeah.
Harry: Both of them?
Chick: (impatiently) Yeah.
Harry: Cool.
Harry: What’s her name, I’ll look it up? Lloyd: You know I don’t really remember, it started with an S though, Swimmy, Sawmmy, Swammy, Swimmin, Samon, Swamon, Swanson. Harry: Look on the briefcase, maybe it’s on the briefcase. Lloyd: OH YEAH! Here it is: Samsonite, I was way off, I knew it started with an S though.
Harry: What’s her name, I’ll look it up? Lloyd: You know I don’t really remember, it started with an S though, Swimmy?, Sawmmy?, Swammy?, Swimmin?, Samon?, Swamon?, Swanson?, Swanson? Harry: Look on the briefcase, maybe it’s on the briefcase. Lloyd: OH YEAH! Here it is: Samsonite, I was way off, I knew it started with an S though.
Harry: Where’d You Get 25 Bucks?
LLoyd: I Sold Some Stuff.
Harry: To Who?
Lloyd: Billy Enforcee
Harry: The Blind Kid?
Lloyd: Yeah hahaha, *cough* Yeah, Yeah
Harry: Wow how did you learn that!
Lloyd: Saw it in a movie.
Harry: What happens?
Lloyd: They track him down and kill him!
Harry: Yeah I called her up, she gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her, or something, I don’t know, I wasn’t really paying attention
Harry: Yeah I called her up, she gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her, or something, I don’t know, I wasn’t really paying attention.
Harry:and one of them’s got a gun
Lloyd: Harry… did you pay the gas bill?
Harry makes face implying he didnt pay it
Lloyd: do you REALIZE WHAT YOUVE DONE?
Harry:I expected the rocky mountains to be a little rockier than this
Lloyd:Yeah….That John Denver’s an asshole
Harry:I’m gonna kill you.Lloyd:What?Harry:I’m gonna kill you!I’m gonna kill you,Lloyd.Lloyd:Calm down.Harry:Right now,I’m gonna kill you.
Harry:petey’s dead Loyd: what? how did he die? harry:his head fell off loyd: what? Harry: ya he was pretty old!
He Said, Do You Love Me? And The She Said, No! But That’s A Real Nice Ski Mask!!
He’s got me mad…I almost like it.
heather’s got nice hooter’s …. excuse me? …. the owl,s they’e great
Heather’s got some nice hooters …..excuse me?…… her owls, they’re great.
here have my extra gloves my hands are getting kinda sweaty
Here it is! Samsonite! I was way off! I knew it started with an S though.
Hey guys big gulps huh? … Well see ya later.
hey guys, BIG GULPS huh… well, see ya later!
Hey guys. Big gulps huh. Well, see ya later.
Hey Hallehupa!
Hey look frost……vvvoooeeemmm !!!
Hey look they have the Monkeys. They had a huge influence on the Beatles
Hey Pete
Hey what’s her name I’ll look it up. Sammy, swammy, slappy, swimmy, swinson, swanson…Hey check the briefcase, maybe it’s on there. Samsonite…I was way off.
Hey where’d u get those? i bought them when we filled up. lloyd we’re supposed to talk bout all expenses we r on a very tight budget. no this doesnt come out of ourtravel fund i was able to make 25 extras bucks before we left. where’d u get 25bucks. i sold sum stuff to billy enforcies. the blind kid! yea, yea. what did u sell him lloyd. stuff. what kinda stuff. i dontknow a few baseball cards a sack of marbles (coughs) petey. petey u sold my dead bird to a blind kid, he what u petey didnt even have a head. harry i took care of it.
Hey, do you know the most annoying sound in the world? EEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey, how bout a hug?…. I hate goodbyes!!!!!!!
Hey, how bout a hug?…….SHHH..just go..
Hey, pullover….No, it’s a cardigan but thanks for noticing.
Hi Lloid, hi Harry. How was your day? Not bad, fell off the jetway again.
HI, we have plenty of towels, thanks
how bout a hug
How the hell do they know I got gas?
How was your day Lloyd? Fell off the jetway again.
+ Oh yeah sucked her right in tractor beam.
DID YOUY PAY THE GAS MAN? DO U KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?
How’s your burger?
How’s your burger?
Husband? Wait a minute…what was all that one in a million talk?
Husband? What was all that one in a million talk?
Husband? What was all that one out of a million talk?
I can’t beleive there is not a single job out there. there’s nothin. Yeah … unless you wanna work fourty hours a week.
I can’t believe there’s not a single job in this whole town. yeah, unless you wanna work 40 hours a week!
I can’t believe were actually doing it aren’t we buddy
i can’t feel my tongue.
I desperately wanna make love to a schoolboy.
I DESPERATELY WANT TO MAKE LOVE TO A SCHOOL BOY!
I desperately want to make love to a school boy.
I despretly want to make love to a school boy.
I don’t know Lloyd, the French are assholes.
I don’t know, Lloyd, the French are assholes.
I dont know and i dont care
i fell off the jet way again…
I fell off the jet-way again
I fell off the jetway again.
i fell off the runway again
I got robbed by a sweet old lady on a motorized cart. I didn’t even see it coming.
I got robbed by a sweet old lady on a motorized cart. I didn’t even see it coming!
I got robbed my a little old lady on a motorized cart..and I didn’t even see it comin’!
I got worms
I hate goodbyes!
I hate goodbyes! Shhh…Just go.
I hate Goodbyes..!
I have this cousin, well I had this cousin…
I have this cousin, well, I had this cousin
i have this uncle.. well i had this uncle
I just get that old fashioned romantic feeling…. where I’d do anything to bone her.
i just though he was real quiet
I just thought he was really quiet.
I JUST THOUGHT SHE WAS A RAGGING ALCOHOLIC, TEN IN THE MORNING!
I just thought she was a raging alchoholic!
i like it a lot
I like it alot!
i like it i like it alot
I like it. I like it alot.
I like the accent you got there what is it? New Jersey
I speacialize in k9 DOGS for the lay person
I swallowed a big junebug while we were driving. I’m not really hungry.
I thought the Rockies would be a little more rockier than this…Yea, that John Denver is full of shit man.
I thought the Rockies would be a little rockier than this. 2. Yeah, that John Denver’s full of shit!
I thought the rocky mountains would be alot more rockier then this! yeah that John Denver is full of shit man
I thought the Rocky Mountians would be a little more rocky than this. That John Denver’s full of shit, man.
I would never do anything to offend a man of that size.
I’d like to eat her liver with a side of fava beans and a bottle of Chianti
I’d like to eat her liver with some farver beans and a nice khianti.
I’ll be at the bar, puttin out the VIBE!.
I’ll tell you where we’re gonna go, someplace warm, a place where the beer flows like wine, where beautiful women distictively flock like the salmon of capistrono..I’m talking about a little place called Assssspppppennnnn…….I don’t know Lloyd, the French are assholes.
I’ll tell you where. Someplace warm. A place where the beer flows like wine. Where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. I’m talking about a little place called Assspennn.
I’m going to toss this damn curse right into that damn pond!
I’m not pulling over now. Wiz in one of those beer bottles in the back…ahh excuse me officer, I wouldn’t drink that.
I’m talking about a little place called Aspen. I don’t know Lloyd, the French are assholes.
I’m talking about someplace warm. Someplace where the beer flows like wine. A place where the women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capastrano.
I’m tired of having to eeak my way through life, and I’m tired of being a nobody, and having nobody!!
I’mmm There!!
I’ve been robbed by a sweet old lady on a motorized cart….I didnt even see it coming.
I’ve got worms!
I’ve had it with this dump! We’ve got no food, we’ve got not jobs, our pets HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!
If you think you are dumb, look at me!
ill tell you where we’re gonna go,…someplace warm, a place where the beer flows like wine, where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of capistrano,…im talkin about a little place called Aspen…oh i dont know Loyd, the French are assholes.
im going to kill you
im gonna ask u a question and i want u to give me an honest answer mary..what r the chances of a guy like u and a girl like me..ending up together?
it okay im a limo driver!
It’s a couple a guys headed to Colorado. We got a make on the vehicle. They are in an ’84…Sheep Dog.
It’s more tingly than hot.
It’s ok!…I’m a LIMO DRIVER!
It’s OK, I’m a limo driver!
its like stealing candy from a baby but easier
JOHNY CRACKER…Mannn Your one pathetic loser
Just give me the booze you pumpkin pie hair cutted freak
just when i think you could’nt possibly get any dumber, you go and do somehting lie this.. AND TOTALLY REDEEM YOURSELF!
Just when I think you couldnt get any dumber, you go and pull a stunt this…..AND TOTALY REEDEEM YOURSELF
Just when I though you couldn’t get any dumber, you go an do something like this and totally redeem yourself
Just when I thought you couldn’t be ANY DUMBER, you go and pull a stunt like this…and totally redeem yourself!
Just when I thought you couldn’t get any dumber, you go and do something like this… and totally redeem yourself!
Just when I thought you couldn’t get any dumber, you go and do something like this, and TOTALLY REDEEM YOURSELF!
k
Kick his ass Sea bass!
Kick his ass sea bass.
Kick his ass Seabass!
Killer boots man!
killer boots man!!
Killer boots, man!!
Know what I’m sick and tired of Harry? I’m sicked and tired of having being a nobody, and more than that..I’m sick and tired of having nobody.
L: I expected the Rocky Mountains to be a little rockier than this.
H: I was thinking the same thing.
L: That John Denver is full of shit, man.
Last but not least, foot long. Who’s got the foot long!
Let’s throw another shrimp on the barbie!
Lets go to the bar and get a coupla bowls of loudmouth soup.
Life is like a box of chocolates you never know what you are gonna get
Like 1 in a 100? More like 1 in a million. So you’re saying there’s a chance!
Lloyd (with Australian accent): G’day, mate! Let’s put another shrimp on the barbie!
Austrian Girl: Let’s not.
LLoyd – I bet you 20 bucks i can get you bettin by the end of the week. I’ll give ya 2-1 odds, 5-1, 10-1. Harry-YOU’RE ON. LLoyd – I’m get ya … I dont know how but I’m gonna get ya
Lloyd : I’m only human, Harry. Come on! So we backtracked a tad!
Harry: A tad? A tad, Lloyd?! You drove almost a sixth of the way across the country in the wrong direction! Now we don’t have enough money to get to Aspen, we don’t have enough money to get home, we don’t have enough money to eat, we don’t have enough money to sleep!
Lloyd Christmas: That’s a lovely accent you have. New Jersey?
Lady at bus stop: Austria.
Lloyd Christmas: Austria! Well, then. G’day mate! Ha. Ha. Ha. Let’s put another shrimp on the barbie!
Lady at bus stop: Let’s not.
lloyd just when i thought you couldn’t possibly get any dumber…you go and do something like this…and TOTALLY REDEEM YOURSELF
Lloyd-what do you think the chances of a guy like you and a girl like me maybe endin up together?
Mary-Not good.
Lloyd-Not good like 1 out of 100?
Mary-More like 1 out of 1000000?
Lloyd-So your sayin theres a chance? O I read ya loud a clear
Lloyd… Ahh… I hate goodbyes
Lloyd: Excuse me. Hey do you have change for a dollar?
Lil Old Lady: No, I’m sorry.
Lloyd: Hey, well can you watch my stuff. While I go break a dollar? Thanks. Hey I guess they’re right. Senior citizens, although slow and dangerous behind the wheel, can still serve a purpose. Don’t you go dying on me!
Lloyd: Oh? $100 a plate dinner? Well… put us down for four.
Harry: Yea, in case we want seconds.
Lloyd: Feltcher? From Cranston? Harry: Ya.ya know her? Lloyd: No I just remember you talkin about her.
LLOYD: Harry, we’re goin to a little place called Aspen…
HARRY: I don’t know Lloyd, the French are assholes.
Lloyd: Hey, I guess they’re right: senior citizens; although slow and dangerous behind the wheel–can still serve a purpose. I’ll be right back, don’t you go dying on me!
Lloyd: I’ll bet twenty dollars I can get you to make a bet before the day is out.
Harry: You’re on.
Lloyd: I don’t know how I’m gonna do it, but I’ll do it.
Lloyd: Man you gotta be a low life to go rooting around in other people’s private property!
Harry: Is it locked?
Lloyd: Yeah, really well!
Lloyd: so what do you wanna do? Harry: how bout some food? Lloyd: nah, I swallowed a big june bug while we were drivin, I’m not really hungry.
Lloyd: So, where ya headed?
Mary: Aspen.
Lloyd: Hmmmm, California. Beautiful!
Lloyd: Some place warm, a place where the beer flows like wine, where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. I’m talking about a little place called Aspen.
Harry: I don’t know Lloyd, the French are assholes.
Lloyd: What are the chances of a guy like you and a girl like me ending up together?
Mary: Not good.
Lloyd: You mean not good like 1 out of 100?
Mary: I’d say more like 1 out of a million.
Lloyd: So you’re telling me there’s a chance? Yeah!
Lloyd: What’s the soup du jour?
Waitress: Soup of the day
Lloyd: Mmmmm… sounds good… I think I’ll have one.
Lloyd: Where you headed?
Mary: Aspen.
Lloyd: California! Beautiful.
Lloyd: Why dont we go to aspen? Harry: i dont know lloyd i hate the french.
Lloyd: Why ya going to the airport….flying somewhere? Mary: How’d you guess? Lloyd: Well, I saw your luggage, then when I noticed your airline ticket, I put two and two together.
Lloyd: Why you headed to the airport, flying somewhere? Mary: How’d you guess? Llyod: Well I saw the luggage and then noticed the airline ticket and put 2 and 2 together. So where ya headed? Mary: Aspen Lloyd: Mmmm, California, beautiful. The names Christmas..Lyod Christmas Mary: I’m Mary Swanson Lloyd: This isn’t my real job you know Mary: No? Lloyd: Nope, my friend Harry and I are saving up to buy our own pet store. I got worms. Mary: I beg your pardon. Lloyd: i got worms, that’s what we’re gonna call it. We’re gonna specialize in selling worm farms, you know like ant farms….what’s the matter, little tense about the flight? Mary: something like that Lloyd: you know mary, there’s really nothing to worry about. statistically they say you’re more likely to get killed on the way to the airport, you know like in a head on crash or flying off a cliff or getting trapped under a gas truck, that’s the worse. I have this cousin, well I HAD this cousin Mary: Llyod, will you keep your eyes on the road please. Lloyd: Mmm good thinking, can’t be to careful, lotta bad drivers out there
Lloyd:Mary,what are the chances of a guy like you and a girl like…
Look at the ass on that. Yea, I bet he works out.
look at the buns on that one!…….yea, he must work out
Look at the butt on that one!!!!! Yeahhhh, , ,he must work out!!
look at the butt on that one. Yeah, he must work out.
Look at the fun-bags on that hose-hound!
Look at the funbags on that hosehound!
loyd, you sold pettie to a blind kid?? Harry, i took care of it!
Loyd: Excuse me, Flo? Waitress: Yes? Loyd: What’s the soup dujour? Waitress: It’s the soup of the day. Loyd: Mmmm, that sounds good. I’ll have some.
Loyd: Why you going to the airport? Flying somewhere? Mary: Oh, how’d you guess? Loyd: Well, when I put the luggae in the trunk and saw the plane ticket, i put two and two together.
Loyd:Thats a lovely accent you have there! New Jersey? Women:Austria! Loyd:Ohh in that case, Good day mate, Lets put another shrimp on the barbie! Women:Lets not.
Loydd-Your hands are freezing, here take these. Harry-you had two pairs of gloves this whole time! Loydd-…Pshh chaaa were in the Rockies!
MAAAAAAAN…… u r one pathetic loser
man reading letter: Sorry gasman we took the money to Aspen! wow these guys are good they’ve must have been following us for weeks GIRL: what do you mean MAN: how do they know I got gas?
man reading letter: Sorry gasman we took the money to Aspen! wow these guys are good they’ve must have been following us for weeks GIRL: what do you mean MAN: how do they know I got gas? GIRL these guys must be pro’s
man….i thought the rocky mountains would be a lot rockier….yeah…that john denver is full of shit
Manalino) Gas man? How the hell do they know I got gas? Hot chick) These guys must be pros.
Marry:Any unusuall breadin?
Harry:No mostly just doggy style.
Mary Swanson: Lloyd this is my husband…..
Cop: HE’S GOT A GUN!!!
Lloyd:(While firing a full round in to Mary’s husband) AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Mary, I despretly wanna make love to a school boy
Mary-Harry what are you doing in there? Harry- uh…shaving Mary-ok well i hope you aren’t using the tiolet!it’s broken.
Mary: so u’ll pick me up at 7:45 tonight? Harry: well, i have a lot of stuff to do, so y dont we make it quarter of 8? Mary: hahaha, stop it! Harry: alrigt, 7:45 it is.
mary:any unusual breeding
lloyd:no, mostly just doggy style
Maybe she’ll invite us in for tea and strumpets.
Mock *yeah!* -ing *yeah!* bird *yeah!* yeah! *yeah*
Mock yea ing yea bird yea, yea yea mocking bird don’t everybody have you heard (have you heard) she’s gunna buy me a mocking…and if thy mocking bird she’s gone buy me a diamond ring…Hey harry theres’ some people who wanna ride too…PICK EM UP!!! mock sea ing sea bird sea sea sea
Mock yeah, ing yeah, bird yeah, yeah yeah, mockingbird…..mock si, ing si, bird si….
MOCK! yeah! ING! yeah! BIRD! yeah! YEAH! yeah! mocking bird! everybody have you heard?! i’m gunna buy me a mocking bird!
mock, yeah, ing, yeah, bird, yeah, yeah , yeah, mocking bird dont everybody have you heard. shes gonna buy me mocking bird. and if that mocking bird dont sing shes gonna buy me a dimond ring and if that dimond ring dont shine. hey loyd, theres some people want a ride too. pick ’em up!…(music starts) mock, si, ing, si, bird, si, si, si…
mock, yeah, ing, yeah, BIRD, yeah, yeah, yeah,
mock…yea. ing…yea…bird..yea…mocking bird dont sing blah blah blha blha
mock>>YEAH>>ing>>YEAH>>bird>>YEAH>>yeah>>YEAH>>mocking bird now everybody have you heard……she’s gonna buy me mocking bird…..and if that mocjking bird dont sing……she’s gonna buy me a diamond ring….and if that diamond ring dont shine….>>LLOYD, LLOYD, LOOK, THERE SOME PEOPLE>>pick ’em up!!!!!
Move it or lose it sister!
MURDERER: So, why you guys goin to aspen anyway?
Lloyd: Why don’t you eat up and we’ll tell ya.. ::giggles::
MURDERER: Yeah, it didn’t seem like ya packed much. All I saw was a couple of shirts and that briefcase.
Harry: Yea, and the briefcase isn’t even our’s. Some lady left it at the airport. We’re just bringing it back to her.. how’s your burger?! ::uncontrolable sniggering::
My hands are freezing. Oh i have two pairs do want one? You have had two pairs of gloves this entire time?? Yea we’re in the rockies!
Nice accent, New Jersey? No Austria….Oh! lets put another shrimp on the barbi!
Nice Hooters, I mean the Birds.
Nice hooters. The owls – they’re beautiful.
Nice Hooters….The owls, they’re beautiful.
Nice set of hooters u got there. i beg ur pardon. the owls their beatuful. oh r u a bird lover. me o no well i used to have a parakett now my special of experties if k-9s dogs the full. o i love dogs to so how ru involved wit them. o i train them cliped them bathed them i’ve even bread them. o really any unusally breedin. no mostly just doggy style one time we mated a bulldog wit a shit-zu. o really thats wierd. yea we called it a bullshit.
nice set of hotters ya got there
NICE SKIIES!, THANKS, THEY YOURS?, YEAH, BOTH OF UM?
no and i don’t care
No Lloyd more like one in a million,…So you’re saying theres a chance!
no this didnt come out of our travel fund. i was able to pick up 25 extra bucks before we left. howd you get 25 extra bucks? i sold some stuff. to who? to billian foreseed. whuuhh THE BLIND KID? huhuhuh yeah!……….yeah. well what did you sell him? afew baseball cards a sack of marbles………(cough)Petey. You sold my dead bird to a blind kid? Lyod, petey didnt even have a head! Harry i took care of it
No way! That’s great! WE LANDED ON THE MOON!
No way! We landed on the moon, all right!!!!
No way! WE’VE LANDED ON THE MOON!!!
no way, thats great… we’ve landed on the moon
No you’re the one whose brain has the shell on it
no…they met up with him mile down the road and slit his throat……..
not seeing it harry
NOTE: Dear Gasman: Sorry about the $ moved to Aspin
Oh no…Lloyd:What happened Harry.Harry:It’s Peety.Lloyd:Oh.Harry:His head fell off.
Oh, so you’re Mr. Samsonite.
Oh, your gonna love it. I hear California’s beautiful this time of year.
Once we successfully bread a Bulldog and a Shitsu. You know what we called it? A Bullshit!
Our pet’s heads are falling off!
Our pet’s HEADS are falling OFF!!
Our pets heads are fallin off!!!
Our pets heads are falling off!
Our pets’ heads are falling off!
Pardon me Mister PERFECT!! i forgot you never ever make a mistake
peace sees its journey
Petey?? You sold my dead bird to blind kid?? Lloyd, Petey didn’t have a head!!
Pick em up!!
Pills are good, pills are goooood.
Pills are good. Pills are gooooood.
Please Mr. Sampsonite
Police Officer: Hey pull over Harry: WHAT?! Police Officer: Pull over
Harry: NO! It’s a cardigan but thanks for noticing Llyod: YEAH killer boots man
Policeman:Pull over
No, it’s a cardigan, but thanks for noticing!
pretty biiird, pretty biiird. polly wanna cracker?
Pretty bird
Pretty bird! Pretty bird!
Pretty Bird….Pretty Bird
Pretty bird….pretty bird, yes…You’re a pretty bird!
pull over
Pull over… No it’s a cardigan but thanks for noticing
Pullover! No, it’s a cardigan, but thanks for asking.
Pullover!….No it’s a Cardigan but thanks for noticing,…ya killer boots man!
pullover…
no its a carnigan but thanks for noticin
Put us down for four, We might want seconds.
quick harry, toss some salt over your left shoulder
Radio? Who needs a radio?
Samsonite, I was way off
Sea Bass: Are you gonna eat that burger?
Harry: What that….No….em yeh.. no ….well it had crossed my mind.
(seabass hocks in Harry’s burger)
Lloyd: Man you really woos’d out!
Harry: What’dya mean woos’d out! the guy hocked in my burger!
Seabass felt bad about what happened at lunch, and offered to pick up our check. Seabass said that? Well if that guy over there is Seabass.
senior citizens although slow and dangerous, still serve a pursose! Don’ t you do dying on me.
Senior citizens, although slow and dangerous behind the wheel, can still serve a purpose. Don’t you go dying on me.
She broke up with me cuz I didnt listen to her enough or something. I dont know i wasnt paying attention.
she gave me a bunch of crap about not listening to her or something, i dunno i wasn’t paying attention.
She says I’ve got a rapists wit.
SHHHHHH…..Just go!
So he says -do you love me, and she says -no, but that’s a real nice ski mask!!
So he says do you love me? And she says no, but that’s a really nice ski mask.
So u got fired again huh. yea they always freak out when u leave the scen of an accident.yea well i lost my job too. man u r one pathetic loser no offence man. nah none taken. (laughs). u kno what really chappes my ass tho i spent my lifes savin turnin my van into a dog the alarm alone cost me 200. hey dont worry its a shaggin wagon. whats wit the breif-case. its a love momento from the beatifulest woman i’ve ever known i drove to the airport sparks were flyin she acutally talked to me man. get out. yea tractor beams wooo sucked me right in she left this at the airport and flew to aspen outta my life. whats in it. hey i’d have to be a moron to be routin around somebody elses property. it is locked. yea pretty well. (knock at door) theres 2 of them one of thems got a gun. did u pay the gas bill, u realize what u done. i’m sorry i say we bail. ok. (drive away come back home) i cant believe theres not a single job in this town nothin not a zip. yea unless u wanna work 40hrs a week.
So where ya headin?
Aspen
ah California Beautiful
so why you going to the airport…flying somewhere?
so you say there’s a chance
So you will pick me up at 7:45?….No I’ve got something to take care of, more like quarter to 8.
SO YOU’RE SAYING THERE’S A CHANCE
So you’re telling me there’s a chance?
Some people just weren’t cut out for life on the road!
someplace warm…someplace where the beer flows like wine…someplace where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano
Son of a Bitch! (Gurgle Gurgle)…Loyd-C’mon man it wasn’t yer fault! Harry-Yeah but he blamed me you heard his last words! Loyd-Well not if you count that gurlgling sound.
Sor-ry Mr. Perfect. I forgot you never ever make a mistake!
Story about the blind Rhode Island Boy who was dupped into buying a dead parrokeet………….Who are these sick people?
Suck me sideways …
SUCK ME SIDEWAYS!
super, thanks for asking
Swa, Swani, Swant, Swanso, Swanson. Maybe its on the briefcase. Samsonite! I was way off.
Swammy, slippy, slappy, swanson…Maybe its on the briefcase…Oh here it is, Samsonite. I was close, I knew it started with an S.
swimy..swmy…swanson..swainson…swanson…?
look on the briefcase!!
oohhhh!!! sampsonite!!! i was way off!!
im not seeing it here llyod!
maybe the number is unlisted!
T-t-haa—
its a hard one, the
Tell her i have a rapist’ wit
Tell her I’m rich, and I got a rapist wit!
Tell her that i’ve got a rapists wit.
that john denver is full of shit
That John Denver is full of shit, man.
That John Denver was full of shit man!
That John Denver’s full of shit.
that john denvers full of shit man.
THAT REALLY PEEVES ME OFF!!
That’s a lovely accent you have. New Jersey?
That’s a lovely accent you have. New Jersey?
Austria.
Austria! Well then, good day mate! Let’s put another shrimp on the barby!
Lets not
That’s a lovely accent you have…New Jersey?
-Austria
Austria! Well then, g’day mate. ha ha. lets put another shrimp on the bobi!
-lets not.
That’s it! I’ve had it with this dump! We’ve got no food, we got no jobs, our pets HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!
That’s it, have a good cry… ok that’s enough
That’s quite the accent you have there. New Jersey?
Thats a lovely accent you have.., New Jersey? Austria. Oh Austria…well gooday mate, why don’t we throw another shrimp on the barbie.
thats a nice accent you got there. New Jersey?
Lady: Austria
Oh well in that case, G’day mate. Lets Put another shrimp on the barby
Lady: lets not
The first time I laid eyes on Mary I just got that old fashioned romantic feeling, where I’d do anything to bone her.
The first time I set eyes on Mary Swanson, I just got that old fashioned romantic feeling where I’d do anything to bone her.
The gas man? How did they know I have gas?
there isnt a single job in this whole city!
yea, unless u want to work 40 hours a week!
pssht!
There’s really nothing to worry about Mary. Statistically they say you’re more likely to get killed on the way to the airport. You know, like in a head-on crash or flying off a cliff or getting trapped under a gas truck. That’s the worst! I have this cousin, well, I had this cousin…..
this is incredble what more could 2single guys ask for. how bout sum food. i ate a big june bug on the way over i’m not really that hungry. well i’m stravin (bumps into a guy and girl)o jez look at the butt on that. yea he must work out
THIS IS THE ONLY CORRECT VERSION OF THIS: Big Gulps huh? WelP, see ya later! (it’s WELP, not WELL!!)
Tic Tac sir?
Tic-Tac sir
Tic-tac, sir?
TICK TAC SIR?
Tick Tac Sir?!?!
Tick Tack Sir?
turbo lax, just one half teaspoon for fast effective relief!
u been…uhhh…suckin back on a little bit of grandpa’s old coughsyrup have ya?
u heard it! he blamed me! those were his last words. not if u count that gurgling noise…
u know, that feeling where u would do anything to bone her.
oh, oh, yea, thats a special one.
uu
wait ….wait….. ya i just had an idea
Wait a minute, ya, i think i just, ya, i just had an idea
Wanna hear the most annoying noise in the world? AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world?
wanna hear the mosyt annoing sound in thw world?? EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, GUYS GUYS GUYS! cant we just turn on the radio or something? RADIO!?! who needs radio. ready Har?? yah. MOCK. YAH. ING. YAH. BIRD. YAH. YAH YAH. MOCKING BORD DONT EVERYBODY HAVE U HEARD. HAVE U HEARD. HES GONA BUY ME A MOCKIN BIRD. AND IF THE MOCKING BIRD DONT SING. BIRDD DONT SING. HES GONNA BUY U A DIAMOND RING, DIAMOND RING, AND IF THAT DIAMOND RING….. LOOK HITCHIKERS… PICK EM UP!
watch the seats! watch the SEATS!
We don’t usually pick up hitch hikers…but, I’m gonna go with my instinct on this one. Get in!
We don’t usually pick up hitchikers, but I’m gonna go with my instinct on this one…saddle up partner
we got no food we got no money and our pets heads are falling off!
Haaaaaaarry
We got no food, no jobs… our PET’S HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!
We got no food, no jobs…our pets HEADS ARE FALLIN OFF
We got no food, we got no jobs, our pets heads are falling off!!!
We got no food, we got no jobs, OUR PETS’ HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!
We got no food…we got no jobs…our pets heads are falling off!!
We got no money, we got no food, our pets’ heads are faling off!!
We gotta get you ready for the ball Cinderella!!!
We have no food, we have no money, our pets HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!
We have no jobs, no money! OUR PETS’ HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!!!!
we have plenty of towels, thanks!
We landed on the moon!
We normally don’t pick up hitchhikers, but i have a good feeling about this one. Saddle up, partner!
We successfully got a bull dog to mate with a shih tzu. We call it a bull-shit.
we’re 26,000 miles from graceland, what do you think of my bra ?
We’re in a hole, Harry. We’re just gonna have to dig ourselves out.
We’re in a hole… we’re just gonna have to dig ourselves out.
We’re with Seabass
Well, I saw your luggage and then , when I noticed the airline ticket, I put two and two together.
What are the chances of a girl like me and a guy like you ever getting together
what are the odds of a guy like you and a girl like me gettin together? like one in a hundred?-
more like one in a million..-
so you’re tellin me there’s a chance.
What the Fuck?!! This is not from dumb & Dumber!!
what’s a matter Harry? Some philly break your heart? >> No, it was a girl.
What’s her last name?I’ll look it up. Ummmm Slappy Slippy slappy swanson..Hey Check the briefcase….O right here SAMSONITE….huh i was way off!
What’s the soup du jour?
It’s the soup of the day.
Mmm, that’s sounds good, I’ll have that.
What’s the Soup DuJour? It’s the soup of the day. That sounds good. I’ll have that.
whatsa matter harry some little filly break your heart?
no, it was a girl.
where ya goin. flying somewhere
Where ya headed. Aspen. Ahh, California, beautiful!
Where ya headed? Aspen. Ahh, California, beautiful!
wheres the booze. i got robbed by a sweet old lady on a motorized cart i didnt even see it coming. ooo. harry, harrry. it gets worse llyod my parakett petey. yea. hes dead. o i’m sorry har what happened. his head fell off. his head. yea it was pretty old. i’ve had it wit this dump we got no food we got no jobs our pets heads r fallin off!! ok just calm down. what the hell r we doin hea harry we gotta get outta this town. go where where r we gonna go. i kno where someplace warm, somewhere the beer flows like wine somewhere where the women flock to us the salmon of copistrano i’m talkin bout a little place called aspen. i dont kno llyod the french r assholes.
Who ARE these sick people?
Who’s the dead man who hit me with the saltshaker
Whoa, look at the funbags on that hosehound
Why don’t ya eat up and we’ll tell ya!.. (giggling)
Why don’t you eat up and I’ll tell ya.
Why don’t you eat up and we’ll tell ya
why don’t you eat up and we’ll tell ya!
Why don’t you eat up and we’ll tell you
Why don’t you eat up and we’ll tell you.
Why dont you eat up and we’ll tell you
why u going to tha airport? flying somewhere?
Why you going to the airport…flyin’ somewhere?
wine em’ dine em’ 69 em’ seabass’s hat
Woman with Austrian accent:…You go straight ahead and make left over bridge. Lloyd: That’s a lovely accent you have! New Jersey? Woman: Austria. Lloyd: Austria, wow! Well then, g’day mate! Let’s put another shrimp on the barbie! Woman: Let’s not!
would u like to help us shoot a movie the sexy girls say then the guys say no thanks but there are guys around here that do
Wow, two lucky guys are going to get to drive around with those girls for the next couple of months.
yea he was pretty old
Yeah I called her up, she gave me all this crap about me not listening enough to her or somethin’, i dont know i wasn’t really paying attention.
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her enough or something. I don’t know, I wasn’t really paying attention.
Yeah, I called her up. She gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her enough or something…I dunno, I wasn’t really paying attention.
yeah… HE must work out.
yelling: Our pet’s head’s are falling off!!!
Yesterday was one of the best days of my life. Mary and I went skiing, we made a snowman, she touched my leg.
Alright, kill him!!
you a little nervous about the filght. you know your more likely to die on the way to the airport, like in a car crash, head on collision, or getting stuck under a gas truck, yeah thats the worse. i have this cousin well i had this cousin.
you been suckin on grandpa’s old cough medicine have ya?
You big Goof!
You can’t stop goin’ once you start. It stings!
You can’t stop once you’ve started…it stings
You can’t triple stamp a double stamp…You can’t triple stamp a double stamp…Lloyd, Lloyd…You can’t triple stamp a double stamp!!!!
You go first! No! You go first! No man you go first! Uh uh You go first! Why don’t you two go at the same time! ok. ok. It’s not that bad.
you hungry?..nah…i ate a junebug on the way in
you just sold our headless parakite to the blind boy
You keep quiet you little pumpkin pie haircutted freak.
You know once we successfully bread a BullDgo with a Shitsu. You know what we called it?A Bullshit!
You know what I’m sick and tired of Harry?
I’m sick and tired of having to eke my way through life. I’m sick and tired of being a nobody. But most of all… I’m sick and tired of having nobody.
You mean to tell me you’ve had two pairs of gloves this whole time!?….PSHYA we’re in the ROCKYS!
You shot my best friend you BASTARD!!
You sold my dead bird to a blind kid?!
Harry…I took care of it.
You sold our dead bird to a blind kid?
You sold the dead bird to the blind kid?!?
you sold your Petie to a blind kid?
You wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world?
You wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world? EHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
You want to hear the most annoying sound in the world….? EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You want to her the most annoying sound in the world?
You wouldn’t believe all the road pizza – two dead dogs, a couple of rabbits, a snake and some big thing I couldn’t even recognize.
You’ll have to excuse my friend here, he’s a bit slow. The town – is that way!
You’ve had two pairs of gloves on this whole time? Pssh yeah it’s the rockies
Your hands are freezing
Your it!!!
youve had an extra pair of gloves this whole time yea were in the rockies
Zach Nolin has a big moose in his head… What is the dan mcdermit you little wiener poop? GIMUNDO
Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Dumb and Dumber’: Quotes from the movie ‘Dumb and Dumber’
