Movie Quotes from Analyze This: Quotes from the movie Analyze This

(1)god bless you, you’ve got a fuckin’ gift.
(2)no, i dont.
(1)yes you do!
(2)i really don’t.
(1)yes you do!

-Times are changing. You’ve got to change with the times.
-What, am I supposed to get a fuckin’ website?

1) Do you want another drink cause I’m definitely having eight or nine. 2) Yeah I’d like a morphine and soda.

1)don’t tell anyone about it. 2) should i take it off the internet?

1)what kinda sangwuich ain’t too fattening? 2)A halfa sangwuich

1. Oedipus was a Greek king who killed his father and married his mother. 2. Fuckin’ Greeks.

1. Times are changing. You’ve got to change with the times. 2. What, am I supposed to get a fuckin’ website?

1. What kind of sandwich ain’t too fattening? 2. A half a sandwich.

1. You did nothing for me! You did nothing! I’m still fucked up! 2. Hey, what do you expect? I saw you for five minutes! I can’t work miracles, Mr. Viti! And let me tell you something, I do not appreciate it when someone wakes me up and drags me out of my hotel room in the middle of the night. I have a life, Mr. Viti, I have a family, I have a serious practice, and I don’t have time for your BULLSHIT! …That kind of got away from me at the end.

1. You flew all the way to Miami because you were unable to have an erection? You know you can take a pill for that. 2. Nah, a pill’s cheating. You start with that, the next thing you know you’re installing a whole hydraulic system down there. A hard-on should be achieved naturally or not at all.

1. You know me? 2. Yes. 1. No you don’t. 2. Okay. 1. You see my picture in the paper? 2. Yes. 1. No you didn’t. 2. I don’t even get the paper.

1. You thought about killing me?! 2. I felt really conflicted about it.

1.You don’t hear the word ‘no’ very often, do you?
2.Yeah I do, but it’s more like ‘no, please, no, no, please!’

1.You know, typically a patient wouldn’t drink before a session
2.Really,I’ll have to remember that in case I’m ever on jeopardy

1: You don’t hear the word ‘no’ very often, do you?
2: I hear it all the time, only it’s more like ‘no, please, no no’!

aka the fucking doctor

Anger is a blocked wish

Call the Vatican. See if something is missing.

Crystal: You dont hear the word NO very often do you?
Di Nero: I hear it all the time although its more like
no please no no!

Dad has a patient who dreams he shits trout.

Get away from the car, you wanna be a fucking a ribie, get away from the car!

good times and noodle salad

Here’s my impression of you. Please, help me, I’m in pain. Ok, Paul, I’ll help you. Fuck you! Nobody helps Paul Vidi!


I am redefining weird on a hourly basis.

I can feel the juice rushing back to my balls as we speak.

I can feel the juices rushing back to my balls as we speak.

i can’t have an intelligent conversation with this guuuyyya

I go fag, you die.

I hear no all the time it’s just more like, no, please, no.

I know that’s the word on the street. Barnes is okay but that Noble is a vindictive prick.

I was Fredo? I don’t think so.

I’d like to see a movie, but it’s nothing but this shoot-em-up bullshit. I get enough of that at work.

I’m a psychiatrist. Believe me, I can be vague.

i’m also known as the fucking doctor

I’m re-defining weird on an hourly basis.

Jesus, you are a planet!

let me guess what it says
life bullshit i cant take it anymore signed the dead guy

Man 1: He had a business card and everything?
Man 2: He had a business card? Whoa. There’s a real fuckin’ acheivment.

Neurotics only

Now I can’t even talk to my mother on the phone. -Paul Vitti after hearing his psychiatrist talk about incest.

Of course I’m upset, my wedding is ruined and you’ve got problems

Paul Viti: Hey, but if I talk to you, and you turn me into a fag, i’ll kil you. Doctor: Could we define fag please? Paul Viti: No. I go fag, you die.

She kisses my kids with that mouth!

Some of you mite now me as benny the groin, sammy the shnoz, uuaahh elma da fudd, tubby the tuba, and i am known by the people who know me the best as the fuckin doctor

That’s fucking weird.

The load it’s gone! Where is it? I don’t know!

Vitti: You know who i am
Crystal: Yes
Vitti: No you dont, you seen my picture in the paper?
Crystal: Yes
Vitti: No You Didn’t.

What is my goal here, to make you a happy, well-adjusted gangster?

When I got into family therapy, this was not the ‘family’ I had in mind.

Who gives a shit get a fucking life!

Why would I want my father to die?

would you pass me the fruit?

You are very good

You slap a pair of tits on me and I’m a woman

You want a fresh one?


You’re an employee of Mr. Vitti. That means you are on call 24 hrs a day, just like the rest of us.

You….you just threw him out of the what are you gonna do? – Write a note. – Write a note? What are you gonna put on it? I couldn’t take it anymore, signed The Dead Guy? – Yeah, that’s a great one, use that

you…you…you got a gift my friend. you saw there was something I was trying to do there, that’s why you are who you are.

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