Movie Quotes from Ace Ventura: Pet Detective: Quotes from the movie Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

If I’m not back in five minutes…
just wait longer!

So you found a pebble in snowflake’s tank. Excuse me while I go call CNN.

**BLEEP** Captain Flog Stargate 23.9 rounded of to THE nearest decimal point. WE’VE Traveled back in time to save an ancient species from TOTAL annhialtion. SO FAR there is no sign of aquatic life…but I’m going to find it. If I have to tear this universe another black hole, I’m going to find it. I’VE GOT TO MISTER!!! ***BLEEP**

…oh yea…the bitch.

1) How would you like me to make your life a living hell?
2) Well, I’m not really ready for a relationship, Louis, but thanks for asking.

1) You really love animals, don’t you?
2) If it gets cold enough.

1)Hi, I’m Melissa Robinson. 2)Pleasure to meet you. 1)Did you have any trouble getting in? 2)No, the guy with the rubber glove was surprisingly gentle.

1)Homicide, Ventura. Now how ya gonna solve that one? 2)Good question, Aguado. First, I’d establish a motive. In this case the killer saw the size of the bug’s DICK and became insanely jealous. Then I’d lose 40 pounds… PORKIN’ his wife!

1)How would you like me to make your life a living hell!!
2.)Well I’m not really ready for a relationship Louis, but thanks for asking!
Hey maybe I’ll give you a call sometime! Your numbers still 911?? Alllrrriiiighty then!!

1)I heard animals in there, Ventura. I heard ’em again this mornin’ scratchin’ around. 2)I never bring my work home with me, sir. 1)Oh yeah. What’s all this pet food for? 2)Fiber.

1)I’ll have the plumbing checked immediately, Mr. Ace. 2)See that you do. If I’d been drinking out of the toilet, I might’ve been killed.

1)Ventuuurrraaa! 2)Yes, Satan? Oh, I’m sorry, sir. You sounded like someone else.

1.)What’s the password??
2.)New England Clam chowder!
1.)Is that the red or the white??
2.)Oh I can never remember that!!…. white??? YES

A) Look, they’re little footballs. B) Laces out.

A) Would you like an ashtray? B) No, I don’t smoke. It’s a disgusting habit.

Ace: If I’m not back in 5 minutes….just wait longer

Aguado-Uh Oh Ventura, homicide……now how are you gonna solve that one?

Ace-Good question Aguado…..first I would establish a motive, and in this case the killer saw the size of the bug’s dick and became insanely jealous…..and then I’d lose 30 pounds, Porkin his wife!!!

Aguado-You son of a…….

Ace-Now kiss and make up.

Alrighty then

Come to me my jungle friends!

Congratulations on all your success… You smell terrific.

Dan Marino should die of gonorrhea and rot in hell! Would you like a cookie?

Dan Marino should die of gonorrhea and rot in hell.

do you know him, does he call u at home

do you know the dophin

Does he have a name, or should I call him ‘lawyer’?

Finkle and Einhorn! Finkle and Einhorn! Einhorn and Finkle! Finkle! Einhorn! Finkle! Einhorn!


Hello Captain Stuebing. Permission to come aboard, sir.

Hi, I’m looking for Ray Finkel…and a clean pair of shorts.

holy shit balls!


i am not posting a quote but wondering if any one can help me out with one… when ace goes to finkles home and the father has the gun pointed at him and says… what do you know about ray finkle… what is ace’s response? he starts off with… soccer style kicker graduated from colier high in… and i dont know the rest but i want that monologue!

I confess, I was the second gunman on the grassy knole

I don’t do humans!

I hope he dies of gonorrhea and rots in hell

I just can’t do it captain! I don’t have the power!

I’m in psychoville and Finkle’s the mayor.

I’m ready to go in now coach! I know there’s alot riding on it but its all psychological, just gotta stay in a positive frame of mind! I’m ‘na execute a better pattern, super slow mo…

If I’m not back in 15 minutes, just wait longer.

If I’m not back in 5 minutes…..just wait longer!

If I’m not back in five minutes – just wait longer.

If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.

If I’m not back in five minutes…just wait longer!

ive been training dolphins for 7 years



Lllliiikeeeee a glove!

LLLLLike a glove

Lois Einhorn: Listen, pet dick. How would you like me to make your life a living hell?
Ace Ventura: Well, I’m not really ready for a relationship, Lois, but thank you for asking. Hey, maybe I’ll give you a call sometime. Your number’s still 911? Alllll righty then.

lovely party…. pity i wasn’t invited

Man Im tired of being right!

Soccer style kicker. Graduated from Collier High in June, 1976. Stetson University honors graduate, class of 1980. Holds two NCAA division one records. One for most points in a season, one for distance. Former nickname The Mule. The first and only pro athlete ever to come out of Collier County. And one helluva model American.

spank you helpy helperson!

That’s a lovely fur you’re wearing. Perhaps I could find you some slippers made from the skins of innocent and defenseless baby seals!

That’s none of your damn business and I’ll thank you to stay out of my personal affairs.

Tonight on Miami Vice, Crockett gets the boss some coffee.

Vhat is Vith all the shouting?! Vhat is vrong vis all ze shouting?!

Vhat happened to him? Vhat happened to me? Sevun years I am making ze grade. Ve are making ze dolphins disappear und Roy is coming in vith ze white tiger und stuffing un ze pants und then I’m gone….*Gasp* TO TRAIN ZE DOLPHINS YOU MUST BE ZINKING LIKE ZE DOLPHINS< GETTING UNSIDE ZE DOLPHINS HEAD UND COMMUNICATING. So I says to him, Okkkkkaaayyyokayokayokay! Und he says, okayokay und he is up on ze tail EEEiiEEE Und you can quote him! *Spits*

Warning! Assholes are closer than they appear!

Well why don’t you cry about it, SADDLEBAGS!

Whadda ‘ya know they’re little footballs :-)

What do you feed your dog??
Dog food, why?
I just feel sorry for him, bad diet, isolated environment, it’s no wonder he’s still alive!

Would you like an ashtray? …No I don’t smoke…it’s a…disgusting habit.

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