Strange Fortune Cookies: Funny but Real Fortune Cookie Fortunes

These are actual fortune cookie fortunes.

Confucius say you have heart as big as Texas.

You have an unusual equipment
for success, use it properly.

Because of your melodic nature,
the moonlight never misses an appointment.

You will gain admiration from your pears.

You will receive a fortune cookie.

Never wear your best pants
when you go to fight for freedom.

A starship ride has been promised to you
by the galactic wizard.

You love Chinese food.

Someone will invite you to a Karaoke party.

Don’t behave with cold manners.

Typed like any other fortune cookie:

Help! I am being held prisoner in a Chinese bakery.

Don’t forget you are always on our minds.

From the same people holding the prisoner?

What you left behind is more mellow than wine
(for a bathroom?)

There is no mistake so great
as that of being always right.

Never forget a friend. Especially if he owes you.

A tub and a rub will change your day.


Suppose you can get what you want.

If you’re happy and you know it, and you realy want to show it, if you’re happy and you know it, eat a monkey.

“Its about time I got out of that cookie.”
(sent in by Michael-Asheville, NC)



Another site with great fortune cookie fortunes is

Page Topic: Funny Real Fortune Cookie Fortunes



78 thoughts on “Strange Fortune Cookies: Funny but Real Fortune Cookie Fortunes”

  1. i got a fortune cookie that said..

    “if your friend wants to drive, don’t stand in their way.”
    their is more then one meaning to that! haha

  2. lawl!! “You are about to become $8.95 poorer.
    ($6.95 if you had the buffet)” I got that from Panda Express xP

  3. I had general tso’s chicken once and received a fortune cookie saying “That wasn’t chicken” :O What did I eat then?!

  4. LOL! I just found a fortune cookie that said “to forgive is to forget.” on one side and the other side has my lucky numbers and “Perdonsar es de olvidarse.” THATS SPANISH!!!

  5. “You sing as softly as a bird” I got this one a few years back, if only they knew how untrue it is…

  6. the worst one… “You will have a romantic evening the next full moon” add in bed to the end it’s terrible

  7. you can add
    in bed
    in his bed
    in your mother’s bed
    in her bed
    in your brother’s bed
    in your sister’s bed
    in the bathroom
    in his bathroom
    in your mother’s bathroom
    in your brother’s bathroom
    in your sister’s bathroom
    in her bathroom
    in th public bathroom
    in the outhouse
    in his pants
    in her pants
    in your pants
    in your mother’s pants
    in your brother’s pants
    in your sister’s pants

  8. I got one on vacation that said: Your relationship will soon change,
    The day I got back to school my crush asked me to be his girlfriend!

  9. I once saw this in a fortune cookie:
    If you can achieve greatness in bed, stay in bed,
    If not then GET OUT OF BED!

  10. I once opened a fortune cookie in Orlando, Florida, that said: “You will soon be hungry. Order carry-out.”

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