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Funny thoughts 10: Some of the best funny thoughts

Here are some more of the of the best funny thoughts

 

We all can’t be heroes. Somebody has to sit on the sides and clap as they go by.

 

We found Jesus – he was behind the sofa all along.

 

We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

 

Welcome to Hell. Here’s your copy of Windows ME.

 

Welcome what you can’t avoid.

 

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

 

What the hell, go ahead and put all your eggs in one basket.

 

What we anticipate seldom occurs; what we least expect generally happens.

 

When I am sad, I sing, and then the world is sad with me.

 

When I was young I was told that anyone could be president. Now I’m beginning to believe it.

 

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

 

When all else fails, admit i’m right and kiss my ass.

 

When blondes have more fun, do they know it?

 

When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

 

When in doubt empty the magazine.

 

When in doubt, do what the President does. Guess.

 

When in doubt, poke it with a stick.

 

When it’s dark enough you can see the stars.

 

When someone points skyward, it’s the fool that looks at the finger.

 

When the pin is pulled, Mr. grenade is not our friend.

 

When vultures fly, are they allowed carrion luggage?

 

When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.

 

When you don’t know what you are doing, do it neatly.

 

When you have nothing to say, say nothing.

 

Which is worse: Ignorance or apathy? Who knows? Who cares?

 

While having never invented a sin, I’m trying to perfect several.

 

Who are these kids and why are they calling me mom?

 

Why buy shampoo when real poo is still free.

 

Why do they use sterile needles for lethal injections?

 

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

 

Wise people think all they say; fools say all they think.

 

With a rubber duck, you’re never alone.

 

With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.

 

Work harder: millions on welfare depend on you.

 

Work is the curse of the drinking class.

 

Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow. It empties today of its strength.

 

Worry is a misuse of the imagination.

 

Worry is like a rocking chair; it keeps you busy, but gets you nowhere.

 

You can do more with a kind word and a gun than with just a kind word.

 

You can observe a lot just by watching.

 

You can only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

 

You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish.

 

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

 

You don’t have to explain something you never said.

 

You will be a winner today. Pick a fight with a four-year-old.

 

You’re driving a car. It isn’t a telephone booth, a beauty parlor or a restaurant.

 

 

Page Topic: Some of the best funny thoughts

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Comments

24 Responses to “Funny thoughts 10: Some of the best funny thoughts””

  1. Anonymous Says:
    March 27th, 2008 at 7:11 pm

    Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.

  2. leah Says:
    May 5th, 2008 at 3:29 pm

    If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

  3. Emily Says:
    May 28th, 2008 at 7:04 am

    what happens when a poisonous spiders bites his tongue.

  4. Tristen Says:
    May 29th, 2008 at 7:43 pm

    When life gives you lemons, use them to squart lemon juice into the eyes of your enemies.

  5. Sebastian Says:
    June 11th, 2008 at 5:15 am

    Me, ambivalent? Well,yes and no!!

  6. Desire..aks Says:
    August 31st, 2008 at 11:16 pm

    I’ve been trying to find another word for synonym

  7. Anonymous Says:
    December 29th, 2008 at 11:14 am

    alcohol gives the answer, but I forgot the question

  8. rabya khan Says:
    June 30th, 2009 at 3:35 pm

    i wonder if we could make candles out of ear wax

  9. The yellow sun The purple sku Says:
    August 2nd, 2009 at 12:31 am

    Somepeople say “When life gives you lemons, make lemonaide.”
    I prefer “When life gives you lemons, make orange juice.”

  10. Anup Says:
    October 15th, 2009 at 10:09 pm

    The man with imagination is neven alone

  11. Sailleena Saz Says:
    October 23rd, 2009 at 5:03 pm

    Why do they call it a hamburger if it’s made with beef?

  12. Ryan Says:
    January 19th, 2010 at 10:40 pm

    Why do they put round pizzas in square boxes??

  13. Aks Says:
    February 19th, 2010 at 3:56 am

    If you are not supposed to drink and drive why do bars have parking lots?

  14. Anubhav Says:
    April 5th, 2010 at 11:07 pm

    save water take a bath with neighbour’s daughter

  15. Soham Bhardwaj Says:
    April 29th, 2010 at 2:12 am

    “Alcohol can’t solve your problem, So what??? even milk can’t do that”

  16. sunny Says:
    May 8th, 2010 at 9:41 am

    Somepeople say “When life gives you lemons, make lemonaide."
    I prefer “When life gives you lemons, make lime cordial and mix with vodka"

  17. Xena Says:
    June 22nd, 2010 at 2:31 am

    A wise man washes his hands after peeing. An even wiser man doesn’t pee on his hands.

  18. aadi shah Says:
    June 29th, 2010 at 3:30 am

    forget your enemy but remember that bastard’s face.

  19. TheSmog Says:
    September 12th, 2010 at 7:07 pm

    Friendship is like peeing on yourself, everyone can see it but only you feel the warm feeling that it brings.

  20. annu gujar Says:
    September 18th, 2010 at 12:27 pm

    its one life live it or will miss it………….

  21. nikita Says:
    October 6th, 2010 at 11:50 am

    hello dominos can i have pizza hut’s number

  22. anuj Says:
    October 26th, 2010 at 3:51 am

    When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

  23. Hope Says:
    April 2nd, 2011 at 9:34 pm

    how come they put braile on drive through atms…are blind people aloud to drive now?

  24. romzkid Says:
    July 14th, 2011 at 12:43 am

    weew!…nice thoughts ever!!…i liked it…some more please?!….^_^

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