Funny Courtroom Mistakes

Based on Actual Court Room Transcripts of Trials.

How did you happen to go to Dr. Cherney?

Well, a gal down the road had had several

of her children by Dr. Cherney, and said

he was really good.

Do you know how far pregnant you are right now?

I will be three months November 8th.

Apparently then, the date of conception



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was August 8th?


What were you and your husband doing at that time?

Mrs. Smith, do you believe that you

are emotionally unstable?

I used to be.

How many times have you comitted suicide?

Four times.

Were you aquainted with the deceased?

Yes, sir.

Before or after he died?

Officer, what led you to believe the defendant was under the influence?

Because he was argumentary and he couldn’t pronunciate his words.

What happened then?

He told me, he says, “I have to kill you because you can identify me.”

Did he kill you?


Mrs. Jones, is your appearance this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

No. This is how I dress when I go to work.

THE COURT: Now, as we begin, I must ask you to banish all present information and prejudice from your minds, if you have any.

Doctor, how many autopsies have you peformed

on dead people?

All my autopsies have been performed

on dead people.

Did he pick the dog up by the ears?


What was he doing with the dog’s ears?

Picking them up in the air.

Where was the dog at this time?

Attached to the ears.

When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?

MR. BROOKS: Objection. That question should be taken out and shot.

And lastly, Gary, all your responses must

be oral O.K.?
What school do you go to?


How old are you?


What is your relationship with the plaintiff?

She is my daughter.

Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?

Now, you have investigated other murders, have you not, where there was a victim?

…and what did he do then?

He came home, and next morning he was dead.

So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?

Did you tell your lawyer that your husband had offered you indignities?

He didn’t offer me nothing; he just said I could have the furniture.

So, after the anesthesia, when you came out of it, what did you observe with respect to your scalp?

I didn’t see my scalp the whole time

I was in the hospital.

It was covered?

Yes, bandaged.

Then, later on.. what did you see?

I had a skin graft. My whole buttocks and leg were removed and put on top of my head.

Could you see him from where you were standing?

I could see his head.

And where was his head?

Just above his shoulders.

What can you tell us about the truthfulness and veracity of this defendant?

Oh, she will tell the truth. She said she’d kill that sonofabitch – and she did!

Do you drink when you’re on duty?

I don’t drink when I’m on duty,

unless I come on duty drunk.

…any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted

murder trial?
The victim lived.

Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Yes, I have been since early childhood.

The truth of the matter is that you were not an unbiased, objective witness, isn’t it. You too were shot in the fracas?

No, sir. I was shot midway between the fracas and the naval.

What is the meaning of sperm being present?

It indicates intercourse.

Male sperm?

That is the only kind I know.

And was that the same nose you broke as a child?

Are you sexually active?

No, I just lie there.

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