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Woody Allen has over 40 years of great quotes, jokes and one liners, so there can be no definitive list of the top 50 Woody Allen quotes. But this is a pretty good attempt at rounding up 50 of the best and funniest Woody Allen quotes, jokes and lines from his movies and books.Â
You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.
– Woody Allen
I’m very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
– Woody Allen
 On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down.
– Woody Allen
 Remember, if you smoke after sex you’re doing it too fast.
– Woody Allen
Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge. Others only gargle.
– Woody Allen
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
– Woody Allen
The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife – a depressing thought, particularly for those who have bothered to shave. Also thereis the fear that there is an afterlife but no one will know where it’s being held.
– Woody Allen
To read the rest, go to: Top 50 Woody Allen Quotes and One Liners
Quick Break Pic of the Day. Caption this Pic!
Come to the Darkside!
“I will get you” seems like what this dog is saying.
revenge is what i seek
join the dark side young jedi night.
this pix is the coolest thing i ever saw!! that dog is so sweet! if that is a Shih tzu, i have one 2!!!! this pix now my back ground!
this dog looks madd!
im angry
‘and where have you been all evening?’
Dont even talk to me…
i will eat you
Where is your god now?!
Bob here, will take over the world.
where the hell are my COOKIES???
Oh Yeah, BRING IT!!
Aww, look at the cute wittle… AHHHHHH! GET IT OFF ME! IT’S GOT MY NECCCCCCKKKKKKK!
Who The hell Does This Guy Think He Is?
you won’t be saying ‘nice wittle doggy’ very much longer.
Bloody cat lovers i hate u all
I suggest you don’t piss me off!
It’s after midnight. Feed me!
I do not have an attitude
Go away cat lover
you sass me one more time!
Sparky, destroyer of worlds
Drop that camera
Bow down to me… or i will eat your face off!
oi y r u drinkin my mums milk it all mine:@:@
DO YOU MIND???
I’M TRYING TO TAKE A DUMP HER!!!!