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Funny, not so Inspirational Sayings of Jack Handey (or Jack Handy)I always thought Jack Handy was a fictional character created by the Saturday Night Live writers. I thought they got together and wrote “Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy”. But it turns out,Jack Handey is a real person, and a comedy writer who wrote for a few different shows, including Saturday Night Live, and also wrote for some magazines. This is a collection of some of his funniest, strangest, most bizarre and most inspirational (not so much)
Page 3: Jack Handy Deep Thoughts Quotes.
If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you’ll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, a free dummy.
Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someones neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing.
He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much he made a woman out of dirt and married her. But when he kissed her, she disintegrated. Later, at the funeral, when the preacher said, “Dust to dust,” some people laughed, and the cowboy shot them. At his hanging, he told the others, “I’ll be waiting for you in heaven–with a gun.”
The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I remember we’d all pile into the car – I forget what kind it was – and drive and drive. I’m not sure where we’d go, but I think there were some trees there.
To read the rest, go to: Jack Handey Quotes