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They’re either married or gay. And if they’re not gay, they’ve just broken up with the most wonderful woman in the world, or they’ve just broken up with a bitch who looks exactly like me. They’re in transition from a monogamous relationship and they need more space. Or they’re tired of space, but they just … Read more

–We’re all in the same boat. –I’m in the boat. You’re in the water. Now let’s see how you can swim. Bad news sells best. Cause good news is no news. How’d you like to make a thousand dollars a day, Mr. Boot? I’m a thousand-dollar-a-day newspaperman. You can have me for nothing. How’s that … Read more

#1) Hey! I like your Kimonah, get that in ‘nam? #2) Uh, no – Fire Island. #1) How did I get so fat! I look like a wall-eyed salmon. What did he use, a wide angled lense? #2) No, he didn’t, see, I look thin. . . I mean, I LOOK thin. I mean, I … Read more