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–How do you do, Mr. Harper? –Oh, sometimes I do better than others. –I ran a check on you, Mr. Harper. You are not stupid. –I have my moments. –It’s quite a zoo you got here. Do you think you could introduce me to the head keeper?–Right on. Come on. –Now you take the oil … Read more

1) When life hands you potatoes, you make potato salad. 2) Well life handed me a whole pile of shit. What am I supposed to make with that? 3) Shit salad. 1) Where’s my car? 2) Well Jeff, it’s a little bit more serious than you’re car. 1)Would someone mind tellin me what the hells … Read more

(reporter): So are you girls going to the parade? (girl): I can’t I think I’m due or something… *in retarded voice* Ga, Ga, are we on cops? Are we on cops again? Dad. You shut your pie hole. You make ME hit you where the good Lord split you! ***RUNS INTO GLASS WALL*** -I hate … Read more