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Rudolph Giuliani’s “There are 911 reasons to vote for me” stump speech

Here is a transcript of Rudolph Giuliani’s stump speech, “There are 911 reasons to vote for me”, which he has given a version of at every campaign stop over the last few months.


Good morning to all of you, and thanks for coming out today. Our crowd counters tell me there are somewhere around 911 of you here today, which matches the 911 we had at our last stop.  On this beautiful day, at 9:11 in the morning, I would like to talk about something I mentioned 9 days ago, and also 11 days ago. It’s something I’ve probably said 911 times before.  And I’ll probably say it 911 more times over the next 9 to 11 weeks, as our country moves towards electing their 9nth president in the last 11 decades.

I had a wonderful 2 day visit with about 9, or maybe 11, republicans between the 9th and 11th of last September, the 9th month, and I plan to do it again in November, the 11th month.  It was a wonderful meeting, where I really heard the concerns of these 9 to 11 people.  As I recall, there were about 9 conservatives, 1 moderate, and 1 liberal.  Together we brainstormed and came up with hundreds of ideas of how we could make this country better.  911 ideas to be exact.  One of the 911 ideas is to invite all Americans to be part of a thousand points of light making this country better.  However, since for every 9 Americans in this country there’s probably 1 illegal immigrant and 1 illegal immigrant’s child, we’ll call it about, oh, say 900 points of light, or maybe, I don’t know, say 911.

Now some voters have expressed concerns that I’m running on too narrow a platform, and if I’ve said it once I’ve said it 9 or 11 times, that is simply not true.  If I am elected I have a 9 point plan to save this country during this 11th hour.    One of those is to keep gas prices down- some predictions are that gas prices could increase to $9.11 per gallon, as oil goes above $91.10 per barrel.  I have a plan for this, which I’ll be unveiling this evening at my daily 9:11 pm press conference.

In short, a vote for me is a vote for this country, with it’s beautiful flag with 9 white stripes and 11 red stripes- give or take.  And remember, for each American that survives cancer here in the U.S., statistics show that 911 British citizens die.

Thank you for listening to my 9 minute, 11 second speech, and remember, if this country is in an emergency, call 911. Call Rudolph Giuliani.  Thank you, and God bless the 900 and 11 counties of the U.S.


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