Tag: humerous quotes

Good Funny quotes: Best famous quotes about Funny

You’re only has good as your last haircut. – Fran Lebowitz

Don’t forget Mother’s Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad’s Third Wife Day. – Jay Leno

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. – Groucho Marx

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. – Groucho Marx

I rant, therefore I am. – Dennis Miller

My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic. – Spike Milligan

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. – Emo Philips

I don’t have a bank account because I don’t know my mother’s maiden name. – Paula Poundstone

If God wanted us to bend over he’d put diamonds on the floor. – Joan Rivers

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. – Rita Rudner

There comes a time in every man’s life, and I’ve had plenty of them. – Casey Stengel

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. – Lily Tomlin

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? – Lily Tomlin

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library? – Lily Tomlin

You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog. – Harry S. Truman

There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist. – Mark Twain

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together. – Oprah Winfrey

I bought some batteries, but they weren’t included. – Steven Wright

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. – Steven Wright

I intend to live forever. So far, so good. – Steven Wright

Page topic: Good Funny quotes: Best famous quotes about Funny

Good quotes about Funny: Some of the best great quotes about Funny

I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. – Woody Allen

What’s on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement? – Fred Allen

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. – Woody Allen

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare. – Fred Allen

The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl. – Dave Barry

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person’s plate. – Dave Barry

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday. – George Burns

Weather forecast for tonight: dark. – George Carlin

What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on? – George Carlin

A word to the wise ain’t necessary – it’s the stupid ones that need the advice. – Bill Cosby

People always ask me, ‘Were you funny as a child?’ Well, no, I was an accountant. – Ellen DeGeneres

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is. – Ellen DeGeneres

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity. – Albert Einstein

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe. – Albert Einstein

I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally. – W. C. Fields

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. – W. C. Fields

He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house. – Zsa Zsa Gabor

I don’t think anyone should write their autobiography until after they’re dead. – Samuel Goldwyn

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live. – Bob Hope

You’re only has good as your last haircut. – Fran Lebowitz

Page topic: Good quotes about Funny: Some of the best great quotes about Funny