HIS REPUTATION Waitress: “He ain’t no good, Lil-he’s one of these fellers wot chooses the price first an’ then runs his fingers along the bill o’ fare to see wot he gets for it.” * * * NOT UP-TO-DATE Penelope: “What made George and Alice break their engagement?” Clarissa: “He complained that she was too … Read more
REALISED Lawyer: “When I was a boy my highest ambition was to be a pirate.” Client: “You’re in luck. It isn’t every man who can realise the dreams of his youth.” * * * NEVER MISS ONE Elder sister: “Oh, you fancy yourself very wise, I dare say; but I could give you a wrinkle … Read more
TOUGH ON THE SENATOR The Senator was back home, looking after his political fences, and asked the minister about some of his old acquaintances. “How is old Mr. Jones?” he inquired. “Will I be likely to see him to-day?” “You’ll never see Mr. Jones again,” said the minister. “He has gone to heaven.” * * … Read more