Movie Quotes from Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby: Quotes from the movie Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby

Dear Lord baby Jesus, we thank you so much for this bountiful harvest of Dominos, KFC, and the always delicious Taco Bell. I just want to take time to say thank you for my family. My two sons, Walker, and Texas Ranger, or TR as wse call him. And of course my red hot smokin’ wife Carley, who is a stone cold fox.

-Why do you want to have the stereo and the TV on at the same time?
-Uhh, cuz i like to party

1) Hey son, you got big. What’s it been? 3 months? 2) 10 years. 1) 10 years? I got to lay of the peyote.

1.What has America given the world? 2.That’s an easy one. Chinese food, for starters 1.That is from China. 2.Pizza? 1.Italy. 2.Burritos? 1.Mexico.

8 lb. 6 oz. newborn infant jesus

Girard: Hakuna Matata, bitches!

Reese: There’s nothing like fear that will make a man avoid prison, so I taped a bag of cocain under the hood of the car and called the boys in blue. Now the way I see it, you got about two minutes before you’re serving 5 to 10. So what’s it gonna be: Jail or prison?

Ricky: What are you talking about?!

Reese: Real simple son! Cops are comin’, and there’s a kilo of Columbian bamm bamm underneath the car! Time to be a man! You got hair on your peaches or what? Let’s go!

Ricky: To quote the late, great Colonel Sanders… ‘I’m too drunk to taste this chicken’.

Ricky: I’ve already sent in my tape to The Real World. I’m putting a lot of my eggs into The Real World basket. I’m also thinking of getting a gun, and start selling crack. Become a crack dealer. Not a mean one, but.. you know… like a nice one. I’d be all ‘Hey guys… what’s up?… want some crack?’

Are we about to get it on? Cuz im as hard as a diamond in an ice storm.

Cal Naughton, Jr.: I like to think of Jesus as an Ice Dancer, dressed in an all-white jumpsuit, and doing an interpretive dance of my life.

Cal: I like to picture Jesus with giant eagles wings and singing lead vocals for Lynyrd Skynyrd and i’m in the front row and i’m hammered drunk

Chip, I’m gonna scissor kick you in the back of the head!

Chip:Are you gonna let them talk to me like that? I’m their elder!
Ricky Bobby:Yeah Chip, I love the way they’re talkin to you. Cuz they’re winners. And winners get to do what they want. Hell, you’re just a bag of bones. The only thing you ever done with your life is make a hot daughter. And that’s it. That’s it. That is it!

Dad you made that grace your bitch.

Dear 8 lb 6 oz baby Jesus…

Don’t you put that evil on me, Ricky Bobby!

First Ya Shake, and then ya bake it!

First you shake it, then you bake it.

Grandma, not my prison shank!

Greatest Generation, my ass… Tom Brokaw was a punk!

Holding hands with a man makes me terribly uncomfortable.

I can’t understand a one word you’re saying. Do you have peanut butter in your mouth?

I like to picture my Jesus in a tuxedo t-shirt, cuz it says, Hey I’m formal, but I like to party. I like my Jesus to party.

I like to think of Jesus as a mischievous badger.

I like to think of Jesus as having huge angel wings, and singin the lead lyrics to Lynyrd Skynard, and I’m in the front row hammered drunk!

I wake up and I piss excellence.

I wake up in the morning and piss excellence.

I wanna go fast!

I wont shake your hand, but I will give you this! (kiss)

I’m a little confused with your tactics. So I’m gonna continue acting tough.

I’m all hopped up on Mountain Dew.

I’m all jacked up on Mt. Dew

I’m just a big, hairy American winning machine.

If we wanted a couple of sissy boys we would’ve named them Dr. Quinn and Medicine Wpman

If we wanted to sissy boys, we would’ve named them Doctor Quinn and Medicine Woman

If you don’t like Big Red, F*** You!

if you dont chew big red, then fuck you!

If you’re not first, you’re last.

Im gonna come at you like a spider monkey!

It’s in the Geneva Convention.

Jean Girard: God needs the Devil. The Beatles needed The Rolling Stones. Even Diane Sawyer needed Katie Couric. Will you be my Katie Couric?

lynyrd skynyrd

My teacher asked me what the capital of North Carolina was….and i told her Washington D.C….And she told me i was wrong….so i said you have a lumpy ass, and than she yelled at me….and i pissed my pants…..

Please dont let the invisible fire kill my friend.

Reese Bobby: If you ain’t first, you’re last.

Rickey: Cal! Do you realize the implications of your actions right now?!
Cal: Wus’ implications mean?

Rickey: With all do respect sir, I did’nt know that you had your balls removed and donated to science.
Dennit: Wha- excuse me?!
Rickey: What?! I said with all do respect!
Dennit: Yes but that doesn’t mean you can still say it!
Rickey: Sure as heck does!

Rickey: Wow! I feel like I’m in Highlander.
Jean: What is the Highlander?
Rickey: It’s a movie.
Jean: Any good?
Rickey: Very good. It won an Academy Award.
Jean: Oh for what?
Rickey: The best movie EVER made.

Ricky Bobby: (after he wins the race, to Jean Girard) I will not shake your hand, but I will give you this: (he kisses Jean Girard)

Ricky Bobby: (after Susan yells out that he will win) Wow, I never heard you talk like that before!

Ricky Bobby: From now on, it’s Magic Man and El Diablo.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: What does El Diablo mean?
Ricky Bobby: It’s like Mexican for a fighting chicken.

Ricky Bobby: Holding hands with a man makes me terribly uncomfortable.
Jean Girard: It’s a sign of affection in many countries.
Ricky Bobby: Well not here.
Jean Girard: It is not sexual in any way, please ignore the fact that I have an erection.

Ricky Bobby: The room’s startin’ to spin… ’cause of the gayness…

Ricky Bobby: You can’t have two number one’s!
Friend: You’re right, that makes 11.

Ricky: Help me Jesus! Help me Jewish God! Help me Tom Cruise…use your witchcraft to get the invisible fire off me!


she’s a tractor beam of hotness

shhhhake and bake. now that just happened!!
now does your friendhave elpilepsy or something?

Shutup you Potlicker before I throw you into the Microwave

Slingshot: engaged.

This sticker is inconvenient and dangerous but I sure do like Fig Newtons.

We have it for profiling reasons. We also have Pet Shop Boys and Seal.

Well if it isn’t my old friend, Mike Hancho.

With all due respect. I was unaware you had an experimental surgery to have your balls removed.

Ya, its like a tractor beam of hottness

You made that grace your bitch!

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