Movie Quotes from Opposite of Sex, The: Quotes from the movie Opposite of Sex, The

(DEDE) Have you always been a homo? (MATT) Yeeeaah…I guess… (DEDE) You’ve never slept with a girl? (MATT) Nope, never came up. (DEDE) So to speak, right? (MATT) Is just isn’t for me… (DEDE) How do you know if you’ve never tried it? (MATT) Well I’ve never tried communism, but I know I wouldn’t want to do that…it’s the same thing. Or grits…

(DeeDee) Its gods will, right Randy? (Randy) Yeah I guess, I wish it was Gods will to make me put on a rubber but anyway…

(LUSHA) Am I the only one who wants to kill somebody?! (DEDE) You wish

1) For your information I’m bisexual 2) Oh who says
that bisexual shit besides gay men?

1) I’m gonna have a kid, Bill…I’m gonna have a normal life, that pisses you off. 2) Normal life? Fuck you, Matt. 3) Bill wait- 4) No don’t talk, pack, pack yourself, pack her and get the HELL OUT OF HERE!

1) I’m sorry to say it but…poor Matt 2) He made his bed he can lie in it 3) Yeah, if there’s room.

1) I’ve got bad news…I’m late. 2) Oh okay, I’ll drive you.

1) Is this the guy with one ball? 2) Come on Dede!!

1) Look, don’t pretend that you didn’t know about Matt and I 2) ‘About Matt and me’

1) Too bad he’s a fairy 2) That’s now how I would put
it 1) Well too bad he’s however you would put it

1) What about the ashes? 2) Look, there not Tom okay. I prefer for them not to be bouncing off someone’s knapsack right now 3) Yeah, you wish! She’s probably trying to smoke em’

1)I know you were trouble, this is your brother! And you- how could you?

2) It just happened, we didn’t mean to hurt anybody.

3)You’re gay, you jerk!

4)I’m bisexual…

5)PLEASE! I went to a Bar Mitzvah once, that doesn’t make me Jewish!

1)Lucia I understand you’re mad believe me I share your pain. 2) Oh then prove it, help me kill yourself!

Mr. Truitt sucks it hard every Tuesday after Yearbook year Probably not a good idea to use your real name

Actually, i’m bi.
Please, i went to a bas mitzvah one time, that doesn’t make me Jewish.


Dedee Truitt: Lucia and Carl had their baby. You can imagine the pick of that litter. It was the kind of kid that if you played with it too much after a feeding, you threw up.

Dedee Truitt: [narrating] Rule one of sex: a person can do anything for ten minutes if they don’t breath in.

Dedee: I don’t have a heart of gold and I don’t grow one later, OK? But relax. There’s other people a lot nicer coming up — we call them losers.

Dedee: I’d like a Long Island iced tea, please.
Bill: Is that a good idea, for the baby?
Dedee: Oh, please. This baby owes its life to Long Island iced teas, if you know what I mean.

Dedee: This part where I take the gun is like, duh, important.

Do you have bananas foster here?…No…Someone told me you had Bananas Foster….No, we don’t…Its like impossible to find Bananas Foster…Maybe if you describe it to them they can make it for you…What about the sauce? You think they have Bananas Foster sauce back in the kitchen but don’t put it on the menu?

Give back my brother’s ashes you heartless little bitch!
Oh yeah Lusha, that’s me…heartless. What body part are you missing?

God, she’s the human tabloid!

How does someone like you get to be so bitter?

I don’t have a heart of gold and I don’t grow one later, OK? But relax. There’s other people a lot nicer coming up — we call them losers.

i heard you have bananas foster here

I never was the same after that summer.

If I save one kid from getting butt-fucked, from having his ass totally reamed until it looks like the Lincoln Tunnel and he can’t stand up for three weeks, then maybe all of this is worth… something. Teachers everywhere have to learn that no means no… at least until we’ve dropped out.

If you think I’m plucky and scrappy and all I need is love, you’re in over your head. I don’t have a heart of gold and I don’t grow one later, ok?

It was the kind of kid – that if you played with it too much after it ate, you threw up.

Les was a real asshole. To get cancer in the ass was like, poetic. Almost better than getting cancer in the dick- if they have that…

Lucia Delury: Bill, I don’t think he’s as stupid we think.
Bill Truitt: As you think, Lucia.
[She gets mad and walks to the door.]
Lucia Delury: Fine! Goddammit! God… Fuck! Shit! I hope Tom Cruise is as straight as they come… I never thought he wasn’t!

Lucia Delury: I don’t know how you do it. You’re always so nice and so calm. Tom was like that too. It’s depressing.
Bill Truitt: You’re nice.
Lucia Delury: That’s how I always felt around you too, like the Baroness in The Sound of Music. While everybody’s just singing and climbing an Alp. And I just wanna STUFF THAT GUITAR UP THAT NUN’S ASS! And… ugh!

Lucia Delury: Oh, good, it’s my delivery from 1-800-PITY.

Lucia: This is how we do things on the Planet Maturia. We have much to teach you.

Lucia: Vagina, vagina, vagina. Does that word do anything for you?
Bill: I don’t think it does much for anyone, gay or straight.

Lucia: You’ve got a death wish. That’s so selfish. I have one too, but I direct it toward others.

Matt, this is not your baby, OK? It’s some other idiot’s baby, probably with an eighth grade education and a trunk full of Waco pamphlets.

Mr. Truitt, what have you done with Matt? Matt Mateo, your boyfriend? Mine too…

My mother said she wants to be my best friend. Great…not only do I have a bad mother, but a loser bitch for a best friend.

My mother was the kind of mother who always said she was a daughter’s best-friend. So I’m like- great, not only do I have a stupid mother, my best-friend is a loser bitch.

My name is Dede Truitt, I’m sixteen and this is crabcake Louisiana, which is French, I think- for suck tart.

Randy be Christlike!

See, this is why I HATE people!

Sheriff Carl Tippett: Say the point of sex isn’t recreation or procreation or any of that stuff. Say it’s concentration. Say it’s supposed to focus your attention on the person you’re sleeping with, like biological highlighter. Otherwise, there’s just too many people in the world.

Sheriff Carl Tippett: What’s the point of sleeping with you if it doesn’t get your attention?

So blowing you in the back seat of your car after band practice, that was a stairway to heaven, right?

soon he was calling sick in to kinko’s so often they almost fired him.

Tom, the dead guy

When you walk into a room, I want to be the first person you look for.

Yes, hi…I would like two airplane tickets from O’Hare to Los Angeles…Lusha Delury, L-U-C-I-A…hey- guess what, I know how my own name is pronounced!

You see. This is why I hate people.

You’re like a lobster in a pot, thrilled that it’s getting toasty!

You’re like a lobster in a pot, you’re just thrilled that the water’s getting toasty.

You’re probably a blessing in disguise. Fucking good disguise.

[About marrying Matt.]
Dedee: I just don’t think it’s something we should rush into.
Lucia: Oh, no, no. But bring another human life onto the planet — that’s whim time.

[Dedee in labor.]
Lucia: Are you having contractions?
Dedee: No, this is my sleepy face! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK?!

[Pulling on Jason’s nipple ring to get information about where Dedee and Matt are]
Jason Bock: Ow, that’s pierced! Ow!!
Bill Truitt: Listen to me, you little grunge faggot. I survived my family, my schoolyard, every Republican, every other Democrat, Anita Bryant, the Pope, the fucking Christian Coalition, not to mention a real son of a bitch of a virus, in case you haven’t noticed, and in all that time since Paul Lynde and Truman Capote were the only fairies in America, I’ve been busting my ass so that you’d be able to do what you wanted with yours! So I don’t just want your obedience right now, which I do want and plenty of it, but I want your fucking gratitude, and I want it right fucking now, or you’re going to be looking down a long road at your nipple in the dirt! Do you hear what I’m saying?!
Jason Bock: Yes!!
Bill Truitt: Take me to them!
Jason Bock: OK, OK, just let me go! [Bill lets go] Ow, ow! You’re supposed to be my brother, man!
Bill Truitt: Hey, I was brotherly, man. Think where else you’re pierced. Let’s go.

[Refusing heterosexual sex with Dedee.]
Matt Mateo: I’ve never tried communism, but I know I wouldn’t like that. It’s the same thing. Or grits.

[Why sex is the opposite of what she wants.]
Dedee: Sex always ends in kids or disease or like, you know, relationships.

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