Movie Quotes from Muppet Treasure Island: Quotes from the movie Muppet Treasure Island

#1 when your a professional pirate…. #2 you dont have to wear a suit.

(1) It just feels so weird.
(2) You mean that Mr. Aeral’s dead?
(1) Yeah, that and my pants are filled with starfish.
(2) You and your hobbies.

(1) Your finger hired the crew?
(2) No, that’s silly. The man who lives in my finger hired the crew, Mr. Bimbol.

(1) I hate my life. (2) I hate your life, too. (3) If I had a life, I’d hate it.

(1) I’ll wash. (2) I’ll dry. (3) I’ll break.

(1) It’s a blind fiend! (2) I believe they prefer the phase ‘Visually challenged fiend’.

(1): Is he bad tempered?! he’s a raging volcano! He is tortured by inner demons the likes of which mere mortals cannot fathom.
(2): He’s got demons? Cool!!

(chanting) ooga chaka ooga chaka something not right, evil things are gonna happen in the jungle tonight…

(gulp) We are standing in a room with a dead guy!

1 (Jim). Kill Captain Smollett, and you’ll have to kill me. 2 (Gonzo). Kill Jim, and you’ll have to kill me. 3 (Fozzie/Trelawney). Kill Gonzo, and you’ll have to kill me. 4 (Rizzo). Kill Squire Trelawney and Mr. Bimbo, and you’ll have to…negotiate strenuously. 5 (Piggy/Benjamina). Going somewhere, John-John? 6 (Long John Silver). Well, Master Hawkins, it seems that you and your little family has come together against me.

1 (Long John Silver). Beggin’ your pardon, gentlemen, but I’ve come with a bit of a treat for you. ‘Tis my very own best brandy, laid down by the Brothers of Buckfast Abbey, Vintage 1737. To toast to a prosperous voyage. 2 (Fozzie). Oh, spiffy! 3 (Kermit). I’m sorry, Mr. Silver, but I’m not going to allow drinking on this voyage. 2 (Fozzie). Well, rules are rules. (Empties brandy glass out the window). 1 (Long John Silver). But, sir, ’tis a tradition for the officers to toast to the success of a voyage. 2 (Fozzie). Very true. 3 (Kermit). No, we must set an example for this questionable crew. There will be no consumption of alcohol of any kind. 2 (Fozzie). Oh. (Throws brandy glass out the window). 1 (Long John Silver). Sir, I can vouch for this crew myself. You can sail to heaven and back with these men. 3 (Kermit). I’m afraid I must disagree with you. (Fozzie throws more brandy out the window). 4 (Male Rat). You want to knock it off with the booze? It’s peeling the paint off the shuffleboard court. 2 (Fozzie). Sorry. 4 (Male Rat). Come on, girls. We told him. 3 (Kermit). And that’s that. This conversation is finished. 1 (Long John Silver). I understand, sir. Come on, Jim. Don’t bother Captain. 3 (Kermit). You can go if you want to, Jim. (Gonzo and Rizzo start to follow them out. The door closes). 5 (Rizzo). Well, I guess the human beings want to hang out together. Don’t want to spend time with a Rat and a– 6 (Gonzo). Whatever.

1) Ah! Dead Tom’s Dead! Long John shot ‘im! 2) But Dead Tom’s always been dead. That’s why they call him Dead Tom. 1) Oh.

1. Aw hell, Jim. I could never ‘arm you. You’re honest and brave and true. You didn’t learn that from me. 2. I learned it from my friends, Mr. Silver. Now, take your oars and row away. I never want to see you again, ever.

1. But I thought that sailors had talking parrots as pets. 2. Talking…parrots? 3. Ha, what an imagination. First pirates, now talking parrots. What’s next? A singing, dancing mouse with his own amusement park? Whoo-hoo!

1. Easy, Jim. ‘Tis all in good fun. Pleased I am to initiate you into our enterprising, um…company, which entitles you to all the benefits thereof. 2. I don’t want any benefits! 1. Say no, and I’ll be forced to terminate our…relationship. 2. You’re nothing but murdering pirates! 1. Pirates! Oh, Jim, if that’s what you’re thinking, you’re dead wrong.

1. Easy, Jim. ‘Tis all in good fun. Pleased I am to initiate you into our enterprising…um…company, which entitles you to all the benefits thereof. 2. I don’t want any benefits! 1. This is a one-time special offer, Jim lad. Say no, and I’ll be forced to terminate our…relationship.

1. I’m Gonzo, and the guy in your chicken is Rizzo. 2. Yo! 3. And you must be Master Hawkins. 4. Yes, sir. 3. Oh, you needn’t be calling a lowly ship’s cook ‘sir’. Long John Silver, at your ‘umble service.

1. It just feels so wierd. 2. You mean that Mr. Arrow’s dead? 1. Yeah, that, and my pants are filled with starfish. 2. You and your hobbies!

1. Oh, Jim. By rights, I should be locked up, too. For letting theives like them aboard this ship. It chills me to think that they almost killed your little friends looking for some dark treasure map. 2. None of this would have happened if I had given Captain Smollet the…I mean… 1. What, lad? 2. I’m not sure if I should be sharing this with you or anyone. 1. You mean, you’ve really got a trasure map? 2. Not anymore. Mr. Arrow took it and locked it up in the captain’s cabin. You must promise to keep it a secret. 1. Oh, don’t worry about that. You only told old Long John. Now, go on and do your chores. Go on.

1. Rizzo, don’t be so afraid. 2. Oh, I’ve gone WAY beyond afraid. Right now, I’m somewhere between bed-wetting and a near-death experience.

1. The scuttle-butt among the crew is that we’re sailing for buried treasure, and someone on board has a map. ‘Course it’s none of my concern, Jim. I’m just a ship’s cook. Such matters are suited best to Captain Smollett. He runs this ship, not I. 2. Oh, Long John, you could captain this ship. 1. That I could, lad. Maybe someday I will. (They both start laughing).

1. There! Captain Smollet, coming to rescue me. 2. Don’t get your hopes up, laddie. I’ve taken the liberty of hiding a few of my best men aboard. If a second round follows, it means they’ve taken over the Hispanola, and I’m the new cap’n!

1. What if you didn’t have a compass, though? 2. Long John, please don’t drop it. It was my father’s. It’s all I have of his, please. 1. I’m sorry, lad. I were only foolin’. How old were you when he died, then? 2. Seven. 1. I were eight when my father died at sea. First mate, he was. 2. My father was a first mate, too!

1. Where did you get that gold necklace you’re wearing? The one made of Spanish doubloons (sp.?) 2. Um…shopping channel?

1. Why are you doing this for me? 2. Because I like you, boy. I hope that you didn’t think that I was lying about that.

1. He Has 1 Leg… Count Em! 2. One….

1. We’re gonna be rich! 2. We’re gonna be dead!

1.)It just feel’s so weird! 2.) you mean that Mr. Arrow’s dead? 3.) Yeah and that my pants are filled with starfish.4.) you and your hobbies!

Ah! A blind fiend! I believe they prefer ‘visually challenged fiend’.

Benjamina Gunn: I Was Wearing Her White Lace Dress! The Cake Was Filled With Lemon Custard!

Benjamina Gunn: Smollett, Can Be You.
Captain Smollett: Benjamina.

Cabin fever deranged us all on board; this once proud vessel has become a floating psycho ward!

Capt. Bones to Gonzo: Jimmy Jim Jimmy Jim Jimmy Jim Jim!
Gonzo: I’m not Jimmy Jim Jimmy Jim Jimmy Jim Jim! He’s Jimmy Jim Jimmy Jim Jimmy Jim Jim!
Capt. Bones to Jim: Jimmy Jim Jimmy Jim Jimmy Jim Jim!
Jim: Yes captin what is it?
Jim: of the one legged man I know
Capt. aye and beware running with scisors or any other pointed object… it’s all good fun till someones losses an EYE! (dies)
Rizo: He died? and this is suppost to be a kids movie!

Captain Smollett: You’re Captain Flint?
Benjamina Gunn: Well, He Was A Pirate. I Was A Maybe. You Know The Story. Smollett? Your Really Me.
Captain Smollett: This Is All My Fault. What Have My Done To You?

Clueless Morgan: Here’s A Recipe. From Black And Red.
Samuel Arrow: I See. This Is Not Look See.

Gonzo: This apple has a worm in it. Rizzo: That’s not a worm, that’s my tail. (Gonzo sighs) What? Gonzo: It just feels so weird. Rizzo: You mean that Mr. Arrow’s dead? Gonzo: Yeah that, and my pants are filled with starfish. Rizzo: You and your hobbies!

He died?! And this is supposed to be a kid’s movie!

Heigh ho, and up she rises. Heigh ho, and up she rises. Heigh ho, and up she rises, early in the morning. Put him in the longboat till he’s sober, put him in the longboat till he’s sober, put him in the longboat till he’s sober, early in the morning.

How does she do that?

I could have been a lawyer, but I just had too much heart.

I got Cold Feet.
Your a frog, your supposed to have Cold Feet!

I hate my life, I hate your life too,if i had a life i hate it.

I hate my life. I hate your life too. If I had I life, I’d hate it.

I may be mentally challENGED but I can see you’re lying.

I may be visually challenged but I can see that you are lying!

i might have a future with the NBA!

I should have let him live in my finger.

I smell a bozo!!!

I think I smell something burning.

I’d like to get my hands on whoever wrote this script!

I’ve got Cabin Fever,
It’s burning in my brain,
I’ve got Cabin Fever,
It’s driving me insane!

Grab your partners by the ears
And tie them to the wheel,
Dosie-do and step on their toes
And then you hear them squeal!

jim: He’s the raging volcano? Gonzo, Yeah, I bet he gets hopping mad. Get it? Hopping Mad?

Jim: I look around here and i want to cry.
Rizzo: Aww, me too.
Jim: It feels like the world is passing me by.
Gonzo: It is!
Jim: And i just can’t help but wonder
Am i doomed to wash and dry
And is it a curse i’m under
Do do it ’till i die

Jim: that’s the raging volcano? Gonzo: Maybe he gets hopping mad. Get it? Hopping mad?


Miss Piggy: Going Somewhere John-John?

Mr.Arrow: You there! You were in charge of railing dust! 50 lashes…and then you walk the plank.

Never trust a silver palate.

O! the red hot gates of hell are creeping open! Satan i sheating his pokers for you, you blasphemas heathans! Fall down on your knees and BEG for deliverance from damnation!!

Off to Zanzibar to meet the Zanzibarbarians!

OK, I’m dead. (falls over sideways)

One leg, Jim. Count ’em, one. Remember what Billy Bones said.

Oooh! I make cheese out of you!

Rizzo The Rat: Was Simple One Thing.
The Great Gonzo: What’s That?
Rizzo The Rat: The Pirates Had Jim!

Sailing for adventure on the big blue wet-thing

Tell the truth, lad. Do you really think that the captain and the squire are willing to share the treasure with the likes of us? Can’t hear you. No? And we being the rightful owners, Flint’s own crew, who shed our blood getting it here. Join us, lad. Donate your compass to the treasure hunt, and get a full share.

The Great Gonzo: My Name Is Gonzo. The Eat Chicken Was Rizzo.
Rizzo The Rat: Aye.

There is no treasure! It was all a clever ruse. Ha!

They got Big Boom boom Sticks

We’ve got cabin fever!!

well, he was a pirate, i was a lady…


You know, I’m begining to see a pattern in the men I date.

You’ve drawn on a page from the Bible? You tore a page from the HOLY SCRIPTURES to make a pirate’s death sentence?

Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Muppet Treasure Island’: Quotes from the movie ‘Muppet Treasure Island’

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