(1)All right, but apart from the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, a fresh water system, and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?
(2)Brought peace.
(1)Oh. Peace? Shut up!
(Jailer) Crucifixion? (Prisonner) Yes. (Jailer) Good. Out the door, line on the left, one cross each. Next. Crucifixion?…
(Loads of men are being crucified.) *Always look on the bright side of life*
(old man)I haven’t talked in years, and this man made me talk!
-We must all unite against the enemy!
-The Judean People’s Front?
-No, the ROMANS!
1) We were led by a star. 2) Led by a bottle, you mean.
1)But you can’t have babies. 2)Don’t you oppress me! 1)I’m not oppressing you, Stan — you haven’t got a womb. Where’s the fetus going to gestate? You going to keep it in a box?
1)Hoohoohoohoo. The little wascal has spiwit.
2)Has what, sir?
1)Spiwit.
2)Yes, he did, sir.
1)Nono, spiwit, uh. Bwavado, a touch of dewwing-do.
2)Oh, Ah… About eleven, sir.
1-what did ‘e say? 2-he said blessed are the greek 1-the greek?whaddya wanna bless them for? 3-no, no, he said blessed are the meek! 1- oh, that’s nice…they don’t get much do they
1. And what have the Romans ever given us in return?! 2. The aquaduct? 1. What? 2. The aquaduct. 1. Oh yeah, yeah, they did give us that, that’s true. 3. And sanitation. 4. Yes, the sanitation, remember what the city used to be like, Reg. 1. Yes OK, I’ll grant you, the aquaduct and sanitation are two things the Romans HAVE done. 5. And the roads! 1. Well yes obviously the roads, I mean the roads go without saying, don’t they! But apart from the sanitation, the aquaduct and the roads… 6. Irrigation! 7. Medicine! 8. Education! 1. Yeah, all right, fair enough. 9. And the wine… 10. Yes, that’s something we’d really miss if the Romans left. 11. Public baths! 4. And it’s safe to walk the streets at night now Reg. 10. Yes, they certainly know how to keep order. Only ones who could in a place like this! 1. All right. But APART from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, a fresh water system and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?! 2. Brought peace!
1. Are you the Judean People’s Front? 2. F**k off!! 1. What?! 2. Judean People’s Front…! We’re the People’s Front of Judea!
1. Excuse me, are you the Judean People’s Front?
2. F*ck off! Judean People’s Front! We’re the People’s Front of Judea. Judean People’s Front… splitters!
1. The only people we hate more than the Romans are the Judean People’s Front. 2. And the Judean Popular People’s Front! 3. And the People’s Front of Judea! 1&2. What?! 3. The People’s Front of Judea! Splitters… 1. WE’RE the People’s Front of Judea!
1. We found this spoon, sir. 2. Well done, sergeant.
1. Why are you always on about women, Stan? 2. I want to be one. 1. What?! 2. I want to be a woman. From now on, I want you all to call me Loretta.
1:Crucifiction? 2:No 1:Excuse me? 2:They said I aven’t done anyfing wrong and I could go free 1:Really? 2:Yep, I’m free 1:Oh, well go on then 2:No, Im just joshin’ ya, Crucifiction 1:Ha Ha Had me goin’ there for a minute eh?
[last lines]
Lead Singer Crucifee: [as end credits role and crucifees are singing ‘Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life’] It’s the end of the film. Incidentally, this record’s available in the foyer. Some of us have got to live as well, you know. Who do you think pays for all this rubbish? They’ll never make their money back, you know. I told him. I said to him, ‘Bernie’, I said, ‘They’ll never make their money back.’
All I said was this Halibut is good enough for Jehovah !!!
All right, but apart from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, rods, the fresh water system and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?
Always look on the bright side of life *whistle*
Biggus Dickus?
Its a joke name sir.
A Joke Name? I’ve got a friend named Biggus Dickus!
Blessed are the cheesemakers
BRIAN: Consider the lilies! …
WOMAN: Consider the lilies?
BRIAN: Well, the birds, then.
MAN: What birds?
BRIAN: Any birds.
MAN: What about them?
BRIAN: Well, have they got jobs?
MAN: Who?
BRIAN: The birds.
MAN: Have the birds got jobs??
MAN 2: What’s the matter with ‘im?
MAN: He says the birds are scroungers!
BRIAN: Look, the point is, the birds, they do all right, don’t they?
MAN 2: Yes, and good luck to ’em!
MAN 3: Yes, they’re very pretty!
BRIAN: OK! And you’re MUCH more important than they are, so what are you worrying about; there you are, see?
MAN: I’m worried about what you’ve got against birds.
BRIAN: I haven’t got ANYTHING against the birds! Consider the lilies…!
MAN: He’s having a go at the flowers now!
MAN 2: Oh, give the flowers a chance!
Brian: So who are the popular front?
Reg: He’s over there.
All: Splitter!
Brian: What will they do to me? Be: Ohhh you’ll probably get away with crucifixion. Brian: WHAT!? Ben: Yeah, first offense.
BRIAN: You’re all individuals;
CROWD: Yes we are all individuals;
BRIAN: You’re all different;
CROWD: Yes we are all different
MAN: I’m not!
Does anyone else feel like having a little giggle when I mention my friend Bigus Dickus?
dont finish bye sunrise i’ll cut your balls off!!!!
Follow the gourd!
Forget about your sin — give the audience a grin,
Enjoy it — it’s the last chance anyhow!
From now on you shall be called Brian who is called Brian.
Go on! Be crucified! See if I care!
He has a wife, you know. Incontinentia. Incontinentia Buttocks.
He is too the real messiah! And I should know… I’ve followed a few.
He wanks as high as any in Wome!
He’s not the Messiah, he’s a very naughty boy!
human brain like an enormous fish
I want to be called… Loretta.
I want to go to a stoning!
I’m Brian and so is my wife!!
I’m Brian and so’s my wife!
I’m not a Roman mum, I’m a kike, a yid, a heebie, a hook-nose, I’m kosher mum, I’m a Red Sea pedestrian, and proud of it!
I’m not a Roman, Mum, and I never will be! I’m a Kike! A Yid! A Hebe! A Hook-nose! I’m Kosher, Mum! I’m a Red Sea Pedestrian, and proud of it!
I’m not a Roman, Mum, I’m a kike, a yid, a heebie, a hook-nose, I’m kosher Mum, I’m a Red Sea pedestrian, and proud of it.
I’m not the messiah! I’m not the messiah!
I’m worrying about what you’ve got against birds.
It is written in the book of Cyril…
Jehovah! Jehovah!
Ladies and gentlemen. The next contest is between… Big Goliath, The Macedonian Baby-Crusher, and Boris Miser.
Leave that welsh tart alone!
Look, he’s not giving you any money, so piss off!
My legs are grey, my ears are gnarled, my eyes are old and bent…
Now look, no one is going to stone anyone until I blow this whistle, even, and I want to make this perfectly clear, EVEN if they say Jehovah.
Oh, it’s the meek! Blessed are the meek! Oh, that’s nice, isn’t it? I’m glad they’re getting something, ’cause they have a hell of a time.
Ooo you lucky bastard.
Person 1: Crucifixion?
Person 2: Yes
Person 1: Good. Out the door, line on the left, one cross each
Person 1: What’s so great about cheesemakers?
Person 2: Its not meant to be taken literally, hes referring to any manufacturer of dairy products
Please, please, please listen! I’ve got one or two things to say
prisoner: Nice one centurian. like it like
Centurian: SHUT UP
Prisoner: right!
Roman: Well a stab takes a second, but a crusifixion is a slow, horrible death.
Old man:Well at least your out in the air.
Roman: Your weird.
Romanes eunt domus!
Romans…Right! Which one of you is Brian of Nazareth?
One by One all the men on the crosses say: I’m Brian, No I’m Brian
There shall in that time be rumours of things going astray, erm, and there shall be a great confusion as to where things really are, and nobody will really know where lieth those little things wi-with the sort of raffia-work base, that has an attachment. At that time, a friend shall lose his friends hammer, and the young shall not know where lieth the things possessed by their fathers that their fathers put there only just the night before, about eight O’clock.
we are 3 wise men.
well what are you doing walking around at 2 o’clock in the morning that doesn’t sound very wise to me!
Welease Wodger!
What’s so special about the Greek?
whatever happened to the popular front?
he’s over there
SPLITTER!
Where’s the foetus going to gestate? You going to keep it in a box?
You are all individuals! 2.*Man Raises Hand* I’m Not.
You lucky, lucky bastard
You’re making this up as you go along!
Your weird!
Odd ball!
Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Life of Brian’: Quotes from the movie ‘Life of Brian’
