Do you ever wonder how somebody could even like you? The biggest problem in our marriage is that she wants me around. And I can’t even accept that? I don’t think I can accept pure love.
He’s playing fetch… with my kids… he’s treating my kids like they’re dogs.
Hey Ben!! Don’t let the door hit you in the vagina on the way out!!
Hey, I have a really good idea. Why don’t the two of you get into your time machine, go back in time and fuck each other.
i’ll be there to rear your child
You hear that, Ben? Don’t let him near the kid, he wants to rear your child!
Marriage is like a tense, unfunny version of Everybody Loves Raymond, only it doesn’t last 22 minutes. It lasts forever.
Oh, no, we’re not asking you to lose weight. That would be illegal. We just want you to be healthy! So go home, weigh yourself on a scale, write than down. Then subtract 20 from that number. And weigh that. Yeah.
Oh, no, we’re not asking you to lose weight. That would be illegal. We just want you to be healthy! So go home, weigh yourself on a scale, write than down. Then subtract 20 from that number. And weigh that. Yeah.
Our baby is going to be French Canadian.
This is good… this is healthy. I think we’re bonding
We don’t have the heart to tell him it’s herpes.
Well then I’ll get you constructive vagina surgery.
Oh you can’t even afford spaghetti!
Well. I think a stork, he umm, he drops it down and then, and then, a hole goes in your body and there’s blood everywhere, coming out of your head and then you push your belly button and then your button falls off and then you hold your butt and you have to dig and you find the little baby.
What the fuck, man? If I go in there and see fuckin’ pubes sprinkled on the toilet seat, I’m gonna fuckin’ lose my mind! Last time I went to the bathroom, Jay, I took a shit and my shit looked like a fuckin’ stuffed animal!
You look like a cholo dressed up for Easter.
You look like Babe Ruth’s gay brother… Gabe Ruth
You wanna know who I want to get pregnant? Felicity Huffman. Ever since I saw Transamerica, I can’t get her out of my head.
You’re going to be embarrassed when you realize I’m Wilmer Valderama.
Your face looks like Robin Williams’ knuckles.
Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Knocked Up’: Quotes from the movie ‘Knocked Up’
