(2 is at her telescope, hears 1 approaching the room, and 2 hides behind the window curtains.) 1) (to her assistant) Now, I’m sure the late Mrs. Callaway was a lovely woman, but look at this room! No wonder the woman’s dead, she had absolutely no taste! I can’t wait to sell this house.(2 holds open the curtain and makes herself visible, with an angry look on her face) 1) (to her assistant) Now, Jules, I want one bar set-up in here, and two out on the pati-o. (stretches patio out when she sees Jules looking at 2. 1 turns around and sees 2) 1) Well, hello, Munchkin! (2 storms out of the room and into the hallway) 2) DADDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!! (3 hurriedly comes down the stairs) 3) Honey, what is it? What? What, what? Are you OK? 2) No! 3) What is it? What happened? 2) She-she hates this house! 1) Don’t worry darling. (to 3) She heard me talking and I simply mentioned that we might…um…fix it up some day! That is if you’ll let me. 2) (to 3) Who is she?? 3) I guess there’s no easy way to say this. Swetheart, Clarise and I will be married next month. 2) Wha-? 3) We’ll finally have a real family! And she’s gonna be your new mother! Isn’t that wonderful? (2 looks around, pretends to faint and lie motionless on the floor) 3) (to 1) She does this sometimes. 1) And she gets away with it. Roger, a tantrum like this musn’t be rewarded!
3) (stands up) I sure hope you’re right. 1) Trust me. I’m a woman. OK people. Let’s go. We’ve got a lot to do before the engagement party! Oh, God, look at the time! I have got to get my face on! (1 walks away, and 2 wakes up) 4) How’s about some milk and cookies, eh? 2) I’ve lost my mother, now I’ve my father. I have no family. I’m an orphan. And I’m running away, and don’t you dare tell Daddy!
(Listens to ‘Alissa’s’ horrible piano-playing) 1) Do you think my daughter’s asking for a little attention? 2) I’d say she’s demanding it.
1) Yo, Carmen, ya blind?
2) What?…(sees AMANDA’S BUNK written on ceiling)… girl when you gonna get a life?
1) ah there you are my little gum-chewing assailent. 2) your back! 2) what,no big hi-hello? 2) your not supposed to be here! 1) it’s not a perfect world dear, neither are you. Now get packed we’re leaving for the city. 2) what? now? but it’s too soon! 1) maybe i didn’t make myself clear. We’re leaving tonight! this little act of yours is getting old. 2) what act? 1) Oh please by the time i was your age i had be through three stepmothers so i know all about the lengths little girls go through to keep Daddy all to themselves. 2) Hey, you’ve got that all wrong lady. 1) Alissa don’t be rude, i am talking. Where was i? Oh yes. You have had Roger to yourself for nine wonderful years, but after tomorrow i’m the woman in the house, and your off to a year-round boarding school. Possibly in tibbet! Ah hahahahaha! 2)Did you say tomorrow?
1) Do you see what I see? 2) I don’t know what you see, but what I see is me! 1) I see me too! 2) So does that mean there’s two of you or-or two of me? (girls touch each other on the shoulder) 1) Wow, there really is two of us. 2) Don’t you find this odd? 1) No, this is weird! This is really, really wierd. Wait a sec. You live at the Callaway House. 2) And you’re that girl from camp! 1 and 2) They thought I was you! 2) Allisa Callaway, it’s a pleasure to meet you. 1) Name’s Amanda. No wonder that big penguin guy asked me in. 2) Oh, that’s Vinchenzo. He’s our butler. Who’s the woman with the long dark hair? I liked her. 1) Oh, that’s Diane, we’re buds. She’s pretty cool for a grown-up. So what the heck were you doin’ over there anyway? 2) I, um, I wanted to see what it was like to be an orphan. 1) What? Why? 2) Because it looked like fun. 1) Fun? Being an orphan? What’s the matter with you? 2) So why were you at my house? 1) I was just, um, I was just ringing the doorbell. 2) What for? 1) Because kids think that place is haunted. 2) That’s stupid. 1) Oh, yeah? Well, then who’s that scary, blonde lady? 2) She’s absolutely horrid! 1) If I were you, I’d get rid of her. 2) Any suggestions? 1) You’re talking to a pro here. I’ve driven away more possible parents then you’ll ever meet. 2) DOn’t you want a family? 1) A girl’s gotta have her standards. Now, listen, this party. You really don’t wanna go? 2) I’d rather eat dirt. 1) OK, so listen. You be me, I be you. One night only. Tomorrow at noon, we switch back. What d’ya say? 2) That’s wonderful! That way you can scare off Clarice for me. 1) Just don’t be such a goody-goody. I’ve got a reputation to protect. 2) I scored a touchdown, didn’t I? 1) Just don’t talk so good. Use real lousy English like ‘Don’t ya wanna, ain’t you eva gonna go to the bathroom?’ That sorta thing. 2) You ain’t got nuttin’ to worry about. 1) I say you do catch on rather quickly. 2) Stables. Noon. 1) Yes!
1) Hey, check it out! Buckingham Palace! 2) That’s in London, birdbrain. It’s the Callaway House. 3) No one’s lived there for years. It’s haunted. 2) It’s not either! 1) Ask anyone. Every full moon, Old Lady Callaway’s ghost crosses the lake and eats one of the campers! 2) Yeah, right. And Santa Claus lives with the Tooth Fairy in Queens. 4) You ever been over there? 2) No. 1) Then if you’re so sure it’s not haunted, why don’t you go over there and ring the doorbell. 2) Think I’m scared? 1) Five bucks says you’re chicken.2) Cough it up, chior boy. Show me your money. 5) Oh, this I gotta see!
1) Hey, Clarise! How are you doing? 2) How am I doing!!?? Oh, my God, roger darling. Do you have any idea what your daughter has done? 1) No. What? 2) She spit- 1) Gum? In your hair? Are you sure? 2) Am I sure?? Oh, my God you should see it! 3) Roger I think I’m gonna go. 2) Roger? Is there a woman there with you, Roger? 1) Yes, there’s sort of a woman here. She’s from the camp across the lake. 2) Oh, how delightful! I’m in the middle of a crisis. and you’re having a bachelor party!
1) Hey, Vin. You’ve known Allissa all her life, right? 2) Oh, Allissa. Not again. 1) Answer the question. 2) Yes, from the day she was-from the you were born. 1) So you know pretty much everything about her? 2) Yep. 1) (shows 2 a scar on her knee) Betcha don’t remember this, do ya? 2) No, that one escapes me. 1) Broken bottle, sliding into home. (takes off shoe and sock and shows 2 a dot on her heel.)What about this one? 2) Nope. 1) Rusty nail right throught my shoe. Blood for six blocks! (pulls up hair and shows 2 a scar on the back of her neck) How about here? Ever seen this? 2) Now when did you get that? 1) Roman candle, last Fourth of July, right in the head. 2) Oh, my God, you’re not Allissa! 1) Nope. Names Amanda. Put ‘er there. 2) Holy mackerel, this is amazin’! 1) Yeah, this is really wierd. 2) I gotta tell Mr. Callaway. 1) No, wait! We can’t tell him yet! We gotta make sure he sees Diane one more time before the wedding. They’ll fall in love and Clarise will be history. 2) I sure hope you got a plan. (1 smiles)
1) I don’t know what you see, but what i see is me. 2) Does that mean there is two of you.. or two of me?
(i am the best quote maker in the world)
1) I don’t know what you see, but what i see is me. 2) Does that mean there is two of you.. or two of me?
1) I have NEVER Been so Humiliated in all my life! (turns to walk away) 2) Wanna Bet? (steps on dress, ripps it off)
1) Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please? Before we sit down to dinner, my future stepdaughter(puts on a fake, adoring voice) who I absolutely adore(back to regular voice)has decided to play the peice that won her first prize at the Winzer Academy Youth Recital! (2 pulls 1 aside) 2) Hang on! Time out! I can’t play the piano! 1) But I just told everyone that you would. 2) Then do me a grand favor and un-tell ’em! 1) Look, you little…..If you embarrass me in front of all these people, I’ll make sure that you never play anything ever again. Do I make myself clear? 2) Clear as glass. In fact I can see right through you. (2 climbs up the piano bench) 2) Ladies and gentlemen, normally, I would be tickled to play a selection from…(looks at the book of Chopin’s music, and misprounces Chopin’s name the way it’s spelled)Choppin. But in honor of my new stepmother,(imitates 1’s fake adoring voice) I’ve decided to play a little something of my own. (plays some horrible music) 3) Do you think my daughter’s asking for a little attention? 4) I’d say she’s demandin’ it.
1) Listen, you little…….If you embarass me in front of all these people, I’ll make sure you never play anything ever again. Do I make myself clear? 2) Clear as glass. In fact, I can see right through you.
1) The big gooy messy burger.. 2) Right, otherwise known as a sloopy joe 1) Riiight a sloopy Joe 2) You know.. your favourite? 1) And with dern good reason too.. 2) Did you just say dern?
1) What in the name of God is going on here? 2) Hi, Vinny. I mean Vinchenzo. I got distracted. 1) Oh, you don’t have to apoligize. 2) Really? Cool! I mean, it’s just that I’m so terribly relieved that you aren’t pissed. 2) Pissed, miss? Uh, why don’t you get dressed and let Carlos do your hair. (under his breath, to Carlos) I liked it better when she fainted.
1) yo fans, it’s the bottom of the ninth and the bases are loaded, and guess who the orphans have at bat? 2) that’s right. It’s the homerun queen herself. The belter from the shelter, Miss A- 3)Amanda Lemmon!
1. Do you have any idea what your daughter has done? 2. No. 1. She spit– 2. Gum? In your hair?
1.) Amanda Lemmon: Yeah right, and Santa Claus lives with the tooth fairy in Queens.
2.)Diane Barrows: It’s got to be that can’t eat, can’t sleep, reach for the stars over the fence, world series kind of stuff right.
3.)Diane Barrows: Guys like him like girls with food names like Cookie or Muffin or Candy, not girls like me.
4.)Roger Callaway: I made my money the old fashion way – pure dumb luck.
5.)Amanda Lemmon: This orphan stuff is like growing up in a pound. Everybody wants a puppy, just once i’d like to sleep in my own room.
All this money and these people eat slugs?
Amanda Buttkiss up to the plate!!
Amanda Lemmon: Yeah right, and Santa Claus lives with the tooth fairy in Queens.
Amanda…scared of a frog? She’s changed alright!
ar you thnking what I’m thinking
Are you asking me a QUESTRIAN?
Buttkiss rules.
Clarice! Your hair! Your here!
everyones searching for that cant eat, cant sleep, reach for the stars, over the fence, world series kind of love
Guys like him like girls with food names like Cookie or Muffin or Candy, not girls like me.
Guys like him like girls with food names. Cookie, Muffin, Candy. They don’t marry girls like me. Person 2: He did once. Person 1: Is this published somewhere? Person 2: Her name was Cathy. She wasn’t a food, she was a teacher.
Hello. Good evening. How very nice to see you. Thanks for coming. Like my dress?
HEY! Back off Barbie!
I have got to get a dictionary.
I made my money the old fashion way – pure dumb luck.
I think I liked her better when she fainted
im so good at this!
Is that clear…….perfectly, in fact i can see rigt through you
it’s that can’t eat, can’t sleep, reach for the stars over the fence, world series kind of love…
Oh my God, there’s two of them!! It’s a conspiracy! Well, at least I’ll get to hit one of you!
One can have a dream baby
Two can make a dream so real
One can talk about being in love
Two can see how it really feels
One can wish upon a star
Two can make a wish come true
One can stand alone in the dark
Two can make a light shine through
It takes two baby
It takes two baby
Just me and you
You know it takes two
One can have a broken heart living in misery
Two can really ease the pain like a perfect remedy
One can be alone in a bar like an island he’s all alone
Two can make just any place seem just like bein’ at home
It takes two baby
It takes two baby
Just me and you
You know it takes two
It takes two baby
It takes two baby
just me and you
You know it takes two
It takes two baby
It takes two baby
Just me and you
You know it takes two
One can go out to a movie looking for a special treat
Two can make that single movie something really kind of neat
And one can take a walk in the moonlight thinking that it’s really nice
But two lovers walking hand in hand is like adding just a pinch of spice
It takes two baby
It takes two baby
Just me and you
You know it takes two
It takes two baby
It takes two baby
Just me and you
You know it takes two
It takes two baby
It takes two baby
Just me and you
You know it takes two
Santa Claus lives with the tooth fairy in Queens.
So Kiss Already!
That can’t eat, can’t sleep, reach for the stars over the fence, world series kind of love
That can’t eat, can’t sleep, reach for the stars over the fence, World Series kind of love.
They were *so* close!!
this is all your fault lady if you touch that child i’ll pop you one so help me god
This just kills me, we coulda hit this one outta the park, you and me. It was all there–can’t eat, can’t sleep, reach for the stars, world series kinda thing.
This orphan stuff is like growing up in a dog pound. Everybody wants puppies.
those people collect kids!
Yeah, right. And Santa Claus lives with the Tooth Fairy in Queens.
Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘It Takes Two’: Quotes from the movie ‘It Takes Two’
