Falcone: So, hows school going Raab?
Raab: Laaail! Not so good…I lost by scedule at the begining of the sumester, and aaaa, I couldent find my classes for like a month and a half! Got three Ds and an F. Not that bad considering I passed.
Falcone: Why dident you just go to the advising office and get a new scedule?
Raab: They only give you one that it.
A Mountian Bike Made of Diamonds!
Bam:What the hell is that… (looks at the rino tatoo)..you got that fuckin rino for Glauren didn’t you.. Ryan: What? NO. I’ve always like Rinos… you know that! (LATER IN THE MOVIE WHILE RYAN IS TALKING TO GLAUREN) Ryan:I got a rino tatoo.. Glauren: Aw, did u do that for me?. Ryan: YOU BET I DID! :)
Contest Announcer: You like the back door? Go on in. You don’t even have to knock!
Cop: I have to make an arrest here, I had a complaint. Valo: I have this sports watch, you can have it. Here. Ryan: Please shut up. Cop: You don’t want to make any more trouble for yourself, son. Tell you what, you take your sports watch and you time how long it takes you to get your buddy out of jail. Huh, you like that?
Don Vito: [to Ryan, through restaurant window] What’re you *doin’* in there? I’ve been looking all over for you to… feed me some grapes!
Don’t touch me, or I’ll seriously kill your face, it’s so hardcore.
Dooley: Why weren’t you at the rager last night? Valo: Maybe because you didn’t invite me! Dooley: Watch your mouth sweetheart.
Falcone-hahaha, can’t believe…hahaha…you got with Hellboy’s sister. Valo:I know and I was so into her. Falcone:So is Ryan over Glauren? Valo:Yeah but he’s doing the same thing with this girl. Falcone:Hahahaha…I never saw it coming though, lets go to the bakery.
Falcone: Don Vito is a whore about grapes.
Falcone: Fuck you, that’s what I’m going to say.
Falcone: I like chocolate, I like fudge, if I can’t make any, I won’t budge
Falcone: I’m making technology of my own. Reverse microwave, it’s like..oh, you don’t have to cry ’cause you’re not involved.
Falcone: Later on, do you want to go to the bakery? I can almost taste it with my nose, ever feel that way? We can go there. We can go in a car. Huh, how would you like that? Valo: What are you talking about? You don’t have a car and neither do I. Falcone: I know just where to get a car. My cousin, I’m picking him up. You can come with me and we’ll take the car together. What? Valo: Do not tell me it’s Raab. Falcone: Yeah, why? Valo: I hate that kid, that’s why! Falcone: It’s a car. Valo: Yeah, I don’t car if it’s a car, I don’t car if it’s the goddamn Batmoble. I don’t want to drive with him.
Falcone: OH Woo doo doo! Hey you got the new Gnar kill CD? Clerk: Of course i have the new CD because they RULE! FAlcone: Well i just heard the new single and they FUCKIN SUCK! Clerk: They are the ultimate band and if you say one more word about them i’ll rip your face off!!!!
Falcone: Remember that cat you used to have? Raab: Ohhh, KEYKEY?
Falcone: Yeah, I popped a boner for you. Fuck you!
Fat Guy with Watermelon: You picked the wrong motherfucker to fuck with!
Glauren : What I need right now is heavy metal music, hard drinkin, mayhem, shit you can’t offer me right now, okay Ryan?
Ryan Dunn : Who are you? You don’t even like fast music – you don’t even drink.
Glauren : Yeah. Before I met Hellboy. You know what your problem is? You always want shit to stay the same, okay? I need to get out there. I wanna play the field – of dicks.
Ryan Dunn : Eww.
Glauren: I want loud music, hard drinking,….I wanna play the field…of DICKS! Ryan: EuH!!
Glauren: What I need right now is heavy metal music, hard drinkin, mayhem, shit you can’t offer me right now, okay Ryan?
Ryan Dunn: Who are you? You don’t even like fast music – you don’t even drink.
Glauren: [indignant] Yeah. Before I met Hellboy. You know what your problem is? You always want shit to stay the same, okay? I need to get out there. I wanna play the field – of dicks.
[beat]
Ryan Dunn: Eww.
Glauren: What I need right now is heavy metal music, hard drinking, mayhem…Shit you can’t offer me right now, Okay Ryan!….You always want shit to stay the same, I need to get out of there. I wanna play the field…of DICKS! Ryan: EUH!!
HELLBOY FUCKING FINGERED ME!
hellboy? you left me for someone named fucking hellboy? what the hell is the matter with you?
Hey what about my money? Thats not very fair…get it…fare? ehh money ain’t everything, still got my pot.
i don’t have time in my life for a half-assed pirate right now.
I just dont have time in my life right now for some half assed pirate!
I know there’s a fucking five in here somewhere
i’ll kill your face. don’t touch me.
I’m going to take my bicycle and pick him up-Falcone good you do that-Valo
Imagine a guy named Hellboy, and that’s what he looks like!
Listen, Ryan’s at it again. He just got stabbed in the eye with a fork at the coffee shop, and now he’s got to rock a pirate patch for at least a month, it’s ridiculous.
Naked Dave: Have you tried breaking bottles behind wah wah? Valo: What the fuck is that gonna do? Guy: Yo call up Dae-Dae Dig some holes, burn some wood? Valo: How far do you dig? What do you do while the woods burning, it just doenst make since to me?
NO jerkoff!
Officer: I gotta take you in.
Valo: Aww, for the love of fucks sake, you CAN’T take him in.
Officer: I gotta make an arrest here; I had a complaint…
Valo: Whwhwhwh, wait, I got this sports watch, you can have it, here
Rabb: Can I get a sip of your vodkee at the speak easy?
RY: DUDE! SHE GOT FINGERED!
Valo: Chill theres people in here
Ryan : Trains.Nazies.HellBoys sick dick.
Ryan Dunn: Dude! She got fingered!
Ryan Dunn: No I just got in I was out golfing.
Ryan Dunn: That’s a nice tattoo you got there. What does that mean?
Girl at Coffee Shop: It means desire.
Ryan Dunn: Desire huh? What the fuck does that mean? Does that mean you’re into dudes with fuckin’ long hair, smell like beer, have shitty tattoos; maybe they hang out at the bowling alley! Maybe, just maybe you’ll go out back and rub their sick crotch; he’ll stick his hands down your pants. Meanwhile, your boyfriend’s sittin’ at home jerkin off to fuckin’ gay porn.
Ryan Dunn: You look beautiful today.
Glauren: You look like shit.
Ryan Dunn: Gee thanks, why do you think I’m in here? I’m getting my hair cut. I know I look like shit.
Ryan Dunn:So how’d it go/ Falcone:it went beautifally/Valo: FUCK YOU/Ryan Dunn:What happend/Valo:Your brillant plan just got me pissed on by helboys sick dick.
seriously, know that shit off or i’m gonna punch your throat off your body.
Some girl stabbed Ryan in the eye, now he’s gotta rock a pirate-patch for at least a month.
Taxi driver: Black taxi, what else would I drive? A gay van?
Teenagers were meant to fuck!!!
That shit is for eleventeen year olds!!
that was the most pussified attempt i have ever seen.
Thats ri-god-damn-diculous!
Valo : Yo, what was it like though, bein’ in jail for the first time? Was it good?
Ryan: Just drop it.
Valo : Did you meet any new friends?
Ryan: Just drop it, alright?
Valo: Alright dude, seriously just relax okay? Look at that girl over there. She’s reading a book alone. If that’s not an invitation, I don’t know what is.
Ryan Dunn: What are you talking about, Valo? It’s a coffee shop. People like that come here to get away from people like us.
Valo: She is looking for ass, I can see it.
Ryan Dunn: What does it matter? I look like shit.
Valo: Go talk to her.
Ryan Dunn: What do I say?
Valo: I don’t know. Compliment her on that tattoo or something.
Ryan Dunn: Yeah, that’ll work. It sounds so fucking lame.
Valo: Worked for Glauren.
Valo: Dudes come up to her. It’s not like she’s getting eatin’ out on stage for 311 tickets.
Valo: He definitly doesn’t wear the pants in that relationship.
Falcone: Pants? He wears girls underwears!
Valo: Let me guess, some sort of experiment. Falcone: Spearmint? I prefer Wintergreen.
Valo: Let me guess: some sort of experiment?
Falcone: Spearmint? I’d rather Wintergreen. What are you talkin’ about?
Valo: The TV. It’s sideways.
Falcone: Why wouldn’t it be sideways? I have to watch it with my neck straight, so I’m comfortable. Otherwise I’d have a taco neck, ya know?
Valo: Did you take acid?
Falcone: …yea.
Valo: Let me have a grape! Don Vito: No these are my grapes your grapes are at the store. Valo: Your seriously not gunna let me have a grape? Don Vito: There, theres one rolling down the walkway have that one! This jerk off invites all his friends over, they wanna eat all my stuff!
Valo: seriously, if you touch me again…I will kill your face so hardcore. Raab:See Falcone, I told you he hated me!
Valo: Tell him about how Hellboy is in for it. Falcone: You know Hellboy? He is in for it!
Valo: What the fuck is wrong with all my friends?
what is the purpose of breaking bottles?
Why are you humping on the caboose?
Why does he freak out like such a faggot?
Why dont you take that new sports watch and time how long it takes you to get your friend out of jail, huh ya like that?
Wooh Da Doo Doo! I just came thru to see what you and your crew wanna gonna do??
yeah, i’m going drinking. but not with you cuz you’re a whipped ass bitch.
you ain’t got love. you ain’t got shit – chester of liverpool
You made him wait it out.
Class act, good job, give your mom a call she’ll be proud
You paint your face fluorescent yellow and you want a sip of my booze?!
your predicament does not justify causing a public disturbance. – tony hawk
[after showing Ryan the tape of Hellboy and Glauren having sex]
Ryan: I’m gonna rip Hellboy a new asshole.
Valo: No, I think Hellboy ripped Glauren a new asshole.
[Glauren and Hellboy are having sex; Valo and Falcone are eavesdropping]
Glauren: Teenagers were meant to fuck.
Valo: Did she just say teenagers were meant to fuck?
Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Haggard: The Movie’: Quotes from the movie ‘Haggard: The Movie’
