(VIC) Anybody want some weed?
It’ll take your head right off!
(BEN) That’s great, Vic. You think you should
have your head taken off while driving?
I don’t deserve heaven.
(1) Benjie, make you
a deal, okay?
I will get you on the bus. I’ll get you
down to Savannah for your wedding,
if once we’re down there
just for a couple of minutes,
you pretend you’re my husband.
(2) What do l have to do? Treat you badly
and get you to make bad investments?
(1) I can assure you absolutely
nothing is going to happen.
I speak from experience.
I was a flight attendant. There you go.
(2) Oh, yeah?
in one of those little uniforms?
(1) What I don’t understand is how,
in this day and age…
of A.T.M.’s and cell phones
and the lnternet…
and Voyager Two,
could it take two days–
to get from New York
(2) Oh, don’t drink
out of the bottle, darling.
(1) Yeah, I was married once. One day I walk into the house
and I hear the shower runnin’.
I had Chinese food with me, figurin’
it would be a nice romantic surprise.
She starts singin’
in the shower.
What’s that song?
‘Up in the sky’? ‘Up with the eagles’?
(2) ‘Wind Beneath My Wings.’
Very touching song.
(1) Wind Beneath My Wings.
Suddenly there’s another
voice in the shower with her.
(2) Oh, no.
(1) A baritone.
(1) Now it’s a freakin’ duet.
So I walk in the bathroom and
there she is… with my brother.
(1) I grab my brother and throw
him through the window naked.
He broke his leg
in two difterent places.
(2) Dare we ask what,
uh, became of your wife?
(1) I put the wind beneath her ass
and sent her packin’. Divorced her.
She never got a penny,
the lyin’, whorin’, adulteratin’ pig.
(BEN) I’m just gonna
run in there…
just put a quick stop
to this whole wedding thing, you know.
Maybe grab a few
gifts on the way out.
You need anything? Bread maker?
(SARA) No, no, I think I’m good.
(BRIDGET) What do you mean
(MOM) Oh, honey, baby,
it means your Father
has an apartment he stays in…
when you’re not here.
(BRIDGET) I’m never here.
(DAD) I stay there a lot.
(JOE) Dr. Holmes, or whoever it is you are.
We made a call. There’s no
Dr. Ben Holmes in New York City.
a veterinary brain surgeon.
(BEN) Well, all God’s creatures
are welcome in my otfice.
(SARA) How did you
and Bridget meet?
(BEN) Uh, at a party.
(BEN) It was a surprise party.
(SARA) Oh, what a beautitul story.
It must have been
a magical night.
No wonder you can’t
write your vows.
(SARA) I hate to remind you,
but we had a deal, remember?
You were supposed to be my husband if I
got you a ride. Do you remember that?
(BEN) Yes, I remember
I did not, however,
presuppose the tact that Debbie
is now on her way down to tell
my fiancee that l am holed up…
in a hotel room in South Carolina
somewhere with a woman claiming to be the wife
of the good Dr. Ben Holmes!
(SARA) Let’s look at this bill here.
(BEN) Seems a little excessive.
(SARA) No, if you add the two and the two,
that’s tour, and then, uh–
(STEVE) Where’s Bridget? l want to marry her.
(BEN) Who the hell are you?!
(DAD) Someone who gets
to a wedding on time!
(BEN) Hi, we haven’t met. I’m Ben.
(STEVE) Steve Montgomery. I used to go out with
Bridget and I’m still in love with her.
(BEN) Can l see your invitation?
(VIC) Kids! (SARA) Yep, got any? (VIC) Nah…but I see them all over.
1) And proud of it! Because there’s not a contractor in Savannah that gets sued more than your dady! Hahahahahaha! 2) And what’s so funny about that Alan? 3) My god you’re an unpleasant woman
1) Nice girl? 2) Yes, as a matter of fact I have a picture with me right here 3) Oh what a knock-out! 4) Yeah, she’s beautiful 5) Oh baby come to daddy! 6) well, take it easy Jack- 7) What I wouldn’t do to get a piece of that!
1) Well it’s good to see your parents together again. 2) Yeah, talk about a match made in hell….what do you mean ‘together again’?
1)Is anybody out there? 2)No, but if you leave a message we’ll call you back.
1.Have a fabulous time in Westchester. I do hope you enjoy the Mini-Van. 2.God! how great it must be to be so cool and a bother to everyone around you! Lemme ask you this: How cool is it to abandon you kid? 1.I was 16. ok? fuck you. you know nothing about it. 2.Try 26 because 16 isn’t working anymore. ok?
1.I am not with you Sarah.
2.You could have left a thousand times by now and you are with me
A scintillating tale of erotic mummification.
Ah, why didn’t I think of that when I was unconcious and bleeding FROM – THE – HEAD!!
All I’m saying is that I don’t
understand the idea of living…
with just one person
for the rest of my life.
How do you make
a choice like that ?
That’s like choosing what
you’re gonna wear in 50 years.
if things worked that way, everyone
would still be wearing hot pants.
And where’s my lousy
maid of honor? Where’s Debbie?
Can I not at least have that?
Who’s supposed to be pouring me
drinks while l’m being stood up
by the so-called groom?
Anybody wants some weed?
Before I met Ned I thought sex was a course God put on women like cramps and high-heels.
Do me a favor and just forget about luck, o.k.? Forget about loyalty, forget about being nice, forget about polite, k? Cuz this is the rest of your life and possibly someone else’s, too.
Getting married is like choosing what to wear for the next 25 years.
have a fabulous time is westchester…i do hope you enjoy the minivan!
He’s not ‘Dr. Holmes’ and she’s not his wife! Okie dokie, okie dokie!
Hi honey, how are the bride’s maids dresses going?
I always thought there was this one perfect person for everybody in the world,and when you found that person … the rest of the world kinda faded away and the two of you would be inside this pertective bubble…but there is no bubble or if there is we have to make it and i just think life is more then a series of moments,we can make choices,we can choose to protect the people we love and thats what nakes us who we are and thos are the real maricles…….. I fell in love with you the moment I saw you , and when I saw you on the balcany I fell in love with you all over again . None of that plane crashes,the hurricanes,all the other people will never change that because when Im on my death bed im gonna know that i married the only woman I ever really loved
I don’t deserve heaven.
I fell in love with you the moment I saw you, and when I saw you up there on the balcony I fell in love with you all over again, none of the plane crashes, or the hurricanes, or the other people will ever change that, because when I’m on my death bed I’ll know I married the only woman I ever really loved.
I haven’t know you that long but I think something may be wrong with you.
I haven’t known you that long but I think something may be wrong with you.
I haven’t known you that long, but I think there may be something wrong with you.
I haven’t known you that long…but i think there may be something wrong with you.
I’m getting married tomorrow. I have non-refundable tickets to Hawaii… and I cannot make myself leave this room.
I’ve been known to do that from time to time. i mean, ill open it, and ill close it again….im a rebel….dont come next to my fire, youll get burned
If you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go pull the emergency cord.
In the end all you can do is commit to the ones you love and hope for a little luck….and some good weather
It kill’s, it kill’s.
Life is more than a series of moments, you know? We can make choices and we can choose to protect the people we love. And that’s what makes us who we are.
Marriage has less beauty but more safety than the single life. It’s full of sorrows and full of joys. It lies under more burdens but it is supported by all the strengths of love and those burdens are delightful. In the end, all you can do is committ to the people you love, hope for good luck, and some good weather.
Never forget her birthday. Make a really really big deal out of it. After Sex hold her for a little while, you know, talk to her like a human being. Oh and do not wear socks to bed. No socks to bed cuz you might not be all that attractive to begin with. Always, always side with her in an argument with your mother. Listen to her like you mean it. Supportiveness in a really really sexy turn on. Never hit. And um, no matter what annoying habits she has, realize that shes dealing with a huge mountain on imperfections every day so you might just want to let it go.
Never sleep in your socks for it may make you more unattractive than you were to begin with.
No, no, I think it’s just a really big drain
Oh it’s open 24hours that means that they can not kick us out
Oh, why didn’t I think of that when I was unconcscience and bleeding from the head!
Password is denial. You’ve known me 2 days, 2 DAYS!!
Relax Benny, it’s only a minor drug bust, it’s not like we kill anybody…
Relax, Ben. You didn’t even get to second base.
Some people you meet change your life forever.
The wife? I stuck the wind beneath her ass and sent her packing. Divorce her…didn’t get a penny…cheatin’ lying whore..
This is Ben.
To me marriage
is just one big lie.
In the morning I had to say,
‘Don’t be silly, honey.
Your breath is fine.
You smell like a rose.’
Then l had to say, ‘No, honey.
I never noticed
that 18-year-old girl…
with the fantastic body and halter top
that delivers our newspaper.
She can’t hold
a candle to you…and the 30 pounds you’ve put on
since we stopped having sex.’ ….
So when’s the wedding day?
Two wayward travelers stuck
in a Geo with a guy named Vic.
Two wayward travelers stuck in a Geo with a guy named Vic.
We’re friends, Steve…friends…
What I don’t understand is, in a time of cell phones, ATM’s, the internet…does it takes two days—TWO DAYS, to get from New York to Savannah…?
You are a god amongest all men do you realize that.
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