(Maddie) Dad you better disguise this with Mom.
What does Brian do?
I forgot his name!
(NINA) ‘I will stop making faces in general and I will definitely stop telling
everybody how much this wedding is costing.’
I don’t tell everyone how much it costs!
He told you, right?
Two hundred and fifty a head?
Oh, well, thanks!
– $1200 for a cake? My first car didn’t cost that much
– Welcome to the 90’s Mr Banks
– Good news, the church is free
– Finally, something’s free
– I mean available
– It’s not navy blue. Calvin Klein don’t make suits in navy blue
– Calvin Klein also don’t make polyester
1) All right, what about Harry Kirby? We haven’t seen him in ages.
I don’t know.
Didn’t Harry Kirby die last year?
Yes! Good! Oh, well…sorry.
1) And uh, why are you ‘independent’? What was that?
Because no one can afford to keep him on staff.
1) Annie brought me this candy bar all the way from Rome.
And let’s not get it on our American furniture.
1) Excuse me, sir, but what are you doing?
I’ll tell you what I’m doing. I want to buy eight hot dogs and eight
hot dog buns to go with them. But no one sells eight hot dog buns.
They only sell twelve hot dog buns. So I end up paying for four buns I
don’t need. So I am removing the superfluous buns.
1) Get me Nina at work!
She just called.
I need the final head count.
She just gave it to me.
What is it? One-fifty…?
Five hundred and seventy-two.
1) He’s an independent communications consultant.
1) I haven’t been acting crazy. I’ve simply been acting like any normal,
red-blooded, American dad.
Normal? Uh-huh. Okay. Falling into the MacKenzie’s pool. Suggesting
The Steak Pit as a wedding reception. Oh, watching ‘America’s Most
Wanted’ every night looking for Brian’s face, and now this picnic
1) I only invited one person: Cameron. Mom said I could have a friend
For two hundred and fifty bucks you can see Cameron after the wedding.
All right, very good. Five down. We’re rolling…
1) I think he’s adorable.
I don’t like him.
He’s wearing Nikes!
1) I’m sorry, sir. But you’re going to have to pay for all twelve buns.
They’re not marked individually.
Yeah. And you want to know why? Because some big-shot over at the
wiener company got together with some big-shot over at the bun company
and decided to rip off the American public. Because they think the
American public is a bunch of trusting nit-wits who will pay for
everything they don’t need rather than make a stink!
Get me security.
1) I’ve heard so much about you. It’s great to finally meet you, sir!
‘Sir.’ Two words now crossed my mind: ‘brown’ and ‘nose.’
1) It started out as nothing really.
He gave me a present. It’s our eight month anniversary today and he
gave me…just look! He said it was for me. For our apartment. Just
It’s a blender.
Yeah. Exactly! I mean, I didn’t want to act thrown or anything, but
inside I was. I mean, I thought something for the apartment…maybe a
new clock, or a cool phone, or a great art book, or something…but a
blender? I mean, what is this? 1958? Give the little wife a blender?!
1) It’s a cappuccino maker! 2) it’s supposed to be top of the line…makes great foam 1) I couldn’t love anything more. 2) ‘my thoughts exactly’
1) Now, let’s see. Ah, this is what I suggest. I suggest who choose the cake, because the cake very often determine what kind of wedding you end up having, so let’s just choose the cake, okay?
2) Choose…choose the what?
3) The cake, dad!
1) Oh oh. I bring the wrong color thread. I assumed you’d be wearing a
It is a ‘block tuxado’.
I don’t think so, babe. This tux is navy blue!
What are you talking about? Armani doesn’t make a blue tuxedo.
Armani don’t also make polyester.
1) Oh! My! My! Oh, so, oh my…and that’s your engagement ring, huh?
Yes! Yes! We got it at a flea market outside of Rome. The guy we
bought it from said that it’s at least a hundred years old…So, Dad.
Stop it. Say something.
1) Oh, and here’s the rest of our family.
Oh, don’t worry. They look like killers but they’re actually quite
friendly. As long as you’re relaxed, why, they’re relaxed.
Hi, puppy, puppy, puppy!
1) We’re having swans?
Franck thought it would be great to have swans waddling around the
tulip border, you know, as the guest enter. It would be really
Nina, we don’t have a tulip border.
1) Well, it really shouldn’t matter how I look. We’re not here to win
their approval. Just because you changed your outfit five times.
Oh, and you didn’t try on nine different shirts?
1) Well, the reason I’m asking all these questions is I have a great idea
where we can have this lovely, not small, but not too big wedding.
You do? Where?
At our favorite restaurant. The place we’ve been eating at for fifteen
years. The best. The Steak Pit!
Dad, get serious.
I don’t think you want the word ‘Pit’ on a wedding invitation, George.
1) Why do you look happy to see me in here, Nina?
Happy? No. No. No. I’m not happy, George. You think I was happy to
tell everyone that I had to come down to the city jail and bail you out
for stealing hot dog buns?
1) You must be Frank. 2) I wish. I’m Frank’s assistant, Howard Weinstein.
1)It’s going to be 250 a head. 2)What? Oh, I almost had a heart attack, I thought you said it was going to be 150 a head. 1)No, I said 250 a head.
1-So how old is he? 2=26. Not 45. You guys still think I can’t hear you when you’re one room away.
1. It’s the seventh door on the left. 2. Second? 1. Seventh. 3. Seventh!
1.) Now will you go talk to her before she runs out that door, marries this kid and we never see her again? 2.) Kid… how do you know he’s a kid, he could be 45 years old!
All right, hold on. I didn’t think I believed in marriage until I met
Brian. Brian’s not like any other guy I’ve ever known. I want to be
married to him. And I’m not going to lose my identity with him because
he’s not some overpowering, macho guy. He’s like you, Dad! Except
By the way, great wedding, Mr. Banks. And don’t worry. I didn’t eat
Daddy! I met a man in Rome! And he’s handsome, and brilliant, and we’re getting married!
Don’t forget to fasten your condoms! Seatbelts, I mean seatbelts!
frank( we do not want to lose him, he’s a genius and we need his mind) talking about howard weinstein
Give me a little credit, George. I’m not going
to marry some ape who wants me to wear go-go boots and an apron.
Hey, you in the blue tux!
I don’t think so. Armani never mad a blue tuxedo
I love this house. We change it all though.
I remember how her little hand used to fit inside mine
i use to think a wedding was a simple affair boy and girl meet he buys a ring she buys a dress they say i do. i was wrong that’s getting married a wedding is entirely different
I’ll handle this, George. Give me your wallet.
I’m removing the superfluous buns.
I’ve always been a concerned parent. I’m big on car seats, seat belts,
bed times, curfews, calling when you get somewhere, never running with
a sharp object. What can I say? I’m a father. Worrying comes with
Independent? That’s a code word for unemployed!
Let’s go. Line up. Mother of the bride? Come on, mother of the
bride. Here we go. I’m opening the doors. Natashia, haven’t you
peeked enough? Here we go. Come on, let’s go.
And…left…right…very nice…Right and left…Right and left…
Mm. I love the weddings at the homes. They’re very personable. Very
warm and very comfortable. So, January 6th, give us seven months. Oh-
oh, hello! That’s five months! Five months not much, but…that don’t
bother me so much because it’s a little bit tight but we can do it and
it will be spectacular!
My daughter. Been studying abroad. Been flying for eleven hours. I’m
not wild about her being in the air. You got kids, Juan. You
understand. It’s better when they’re on the ground.
My first move was to get the old tuxedo out of mothballs.
Nice shack, babe.
Nothing’s really changed, has it? You know what they say: My son’s my son till he gets him a wife, but my daughter’s my daughter all of her life. All of our life.
Okay! I met somebody in Rome. Um, he’s an American. Uh, he’s from
L.A., actually. And um, his name’s Brian MacKenzie. And he’s this
completely wonderful, wonderful, amazing man, and…well, we starting
seeing each other, a lot…and, um…we fell in love. Ha! Ha! It
actually happened! And, uh, we’ve decided to get married…which means
that, I’m engaged! Ha! I’m engaged! I’m getting married! HA!
Okay, let’s get this show on the road.
Right away I realized this was a mistake of gargantuan proportions.
This guy was going to coordinate our wedding? How? With subtitles?
Some big shot over at the weiner company got together with some big shot over at the bun company and decided to rip off the american public!!!
That gives me 7 months, ahh, HELLO!! 5 months.
the CAKE frank, is made of sugar and water!
the wedding was still on
What about that little rehearsed speech he gave that was
right out of a book. ‘How to Grease Your Future Mother-In-Law.’
What..what is that face? It’s nothing…Aww this is going to end up costing you more money. No. How I’ll know I will remember this moment for the rest of my life.
who else can we ask not to eat your parents my mother
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