(Chris Farley) – you ever need anything i mean anything at all…………. ya come to me (Norm Mcdonald) – can i stay at your place tonight? (chris)- well see the thing is this i got this room mate old jack hes a little impaticular when it comes to strangers (Norm)- thats ok i i ill find somewhere else (Chris) he just got his knee drained last week and boy he needed it too that thing was getting a LITTLE BIT RIPE! haha (Norm) no really its ok (Chris)- boy hes an odd duck sometimes i catch him staring at me at night which is…..a little off putting (Norm) yeah i guess it would be (Chris)- his feet bleed (Norm) – I DONT WANT TO STAY AT YOUR PLACE!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Chris)- Point taken Point taken Mitch.
(in high pitched voice) note to self…….never father children
-hey, that alien kinda looks like a hot guy
-yea, we should have sex with it
-We kicked their asses! I was punching one guy, I was kicking another… I threw one guy through a plate glass window!
-Yeah, except the exact opposite.
….and Dr. Farthing got the money to his bookies. But the bookies killed him anyway. So he’s dead. Well, that’s the end.
1) I’ve never seen so many dead whores in my life. 2) Lord knows i have.
1) jeez doc what happened to your arm 2) well either slept on it wrong or i got thrown out of a speeding bookies car
1) The best fight song ever Street Fight by the Rolling Stones G 7 2) You just Pressed G 8. Jukebox) IF YOU LIKE PINA COLADAS OR POURING DOWN RAIN
1)Honey, you ever done it with a chick with a beard?
2)Can’t say that I have there, bearded broad.
1)Well then, sugar, you haven’t lived.
2)Note to self: I don’t want to *live*.
1)I can’t blame anyone but myself, except maybe the Boston Bruins, Chicago Cubs, and Mr. T.
2)Wait, Mr. T? You bet on the fight in Rocky III? And you bet against Rocky?
1)Well, hindsight’s twenty-twenty my friend.
1)I’ve never seen so many dead hookers in my life. 2)Lord knows I have.
1)WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR ARM? 2)WELL EITHER I SLEPT ON IT FUNNY OR MY BOOKKEEPERS THREW ME OUT OF A MOVING CAR.
1)You guys are brothers? 2)Its a long story. 3)My dad boned his mom. 2)I guess its a short story.
1. You playing something good? 2. Hell yeah! Rolling Stones, Street Fightin’ Man, G-7! 1. You just hit G-8. ‘Do you like piÃ±a colada?’
1. Hey pops how ya doin 2. I’d be doin a whole lot better if you brought me a whore
1. Rollin Stones. Street fighting man. GGGGGGG777777777777! 2. You just pushed G8. (Music playing If you like peena coloda.)
1: You two are brothers?
2: Yeah, it’s a long story.
3: My dad boned his mom.
2: Ok, it’s a short story.
1: Hey, remember in 4th grade when I looked up your sister’s dress? I was really looking up my own sister’s dress!
2: Yeah! Remember in 11th grade when you had sex with her?
1: Honey, you ever done it with a chick with a beard?
2: Can’t say that I have there, bearded broad.
1: I was laughing so hard, I almost shit my pants!
1: We eat the pig and then together we burn. BURN!
2: What you talkin’ bout, Satan?
1: You know there are two types of people in this world: Those who get stomped on and those who do the stomping.
2: Where did you hear that?
1: Oh, that famous guy said it. What was his name? Oh yeah….Jesus!
A) You going to play a song?
B) HELL YEAH!!! ROLLING STONES Street Fighting! G SEH-EH-EH-VAN!!!
A) You just pressed G8
(Pina Colada song plays)
A) Hey, Mildred… Mildred! MILDRED!
B) Oh hey Mitch…you must’ve forgot my name, it’s not Mildred, it’s Cath
A) I didn’t forget your name, you never told me,
so I figured i’d just guess and make one up
A: I’ve never seen so many dead hookers in my entire life B: Lord knows I have…
After all these years this picture still makes me horny…i mean…WISTFUL! IT MAKES ME WISTFUL!
Ah ha! You didn’t count on my loyal army of prostitutes!
And then when you jumped on that security guard’s back and you were yelling in his ear A CIA put a chip in my brain,I was laughing so hard,I almost shit my pants.
Are those prostitutes? I mean, who are those girls?
Back then they didn’t have these fancy birth control methods….like pulling out.
bar keeper: looks like theres going to be a brawl, playing something good? jimmy: hell, yeah rolling stones street fightin’ man geeeee-sevonnn. bar keeper: you just hit g-8 (music: if you like pina coladas)
Bet you didn’t count on my loyal army of prostitutes!
Boy it smells in here, did you fart? Oh, no, wait, that was me from before.
By the way, he’s DEFINITELY doing that dog.
Do you smell fish?
Don Giovanni? Who’s that dude?
Hello, REAL COPS? Yeah i’d like to report a noise complaint…
Here’s your two dollars.
Hey!I’m gonna kill you,asshole!
Hey, are those prostitutes? I mean…who are those girls?
Hey, honey, I understand you’re upset…Hey! Maybe you’ll feel better after we have some dirty sex!
Hold on im talking to my FRIEND here!
Homeless guy #1: that was so funny i almost shit my pants.
Homeless guy #2: almost?!
I can’t..I have to go lift weights..WHAT?
I think he has his thumb up that dogs ass.
In the land of the blind the man with one eye is king, and in the land of the skunks the man with half a nose is king.
In the land of the blind, the man with one eye is king, in the land of the skunk, the man with half a nose is king!!!
It could’ve been worst, I COULD’VE GOTTEN THE TIP OF MY NOSE BITTEN OFF BY A SIAGON WHORE!!!!!!!! YOU BASTARD!!!!!!!!!!
Looks like there’s gonna be a brawl.. playin something good? Hell yeah Rolling Stones, Street Fighting G sevoooon. You just hit G eight.. ‘If you like pina colodas’
make your gun fight like satan
Men in Black
(who like to have sex with each other)
Mitch:Feelin’okay,Mr.McKenna?Pops:Oh,hey don’t worry about me.I just wanna thank you for spendin’a little time with me,you know?Mitch:Yeah,well no problem.Pops:I also wanna say I’m sorry.Mitch:Sorry for what?Pops:Well,for bein’a creepy old man.I apologize,you rotten bastard!
No matter how bad life gets, there’s always beer.
No, I cant. I gotta go….lift weights. What?
norm: haha i remember in 6th grade when i took a peek up your sisters skirt when she was on the monkey bars. so actually, i was really looking at my own sister. sam: haha and remember in 12th grade, when you had sex with her?
note to self no matter how bad life gets theres always beer.
Note to self!,,, GET ASS WART CREAM FOR BIG WART ON MY ASS!
Note to self: Making love to blow up doll NOT as good as advertised
Note to self: I don’t want to live!
Note to self: Learn to fight.
Note to self: remember to get ass wart cream for giant wart on my ass.
Now you probably want to go home and kick back and enjoy a nice tall cold glass of chihuahua piss or something.
Oh yeah! Rolling Stones, Street Fightin’ Man! G…Sevaaaaawn!
Uh, you just hit G 8. (If you like pina coladas….)
OH YEAH..Rolling Stones-Street Fighting..G7!!!
ohh hey, by the way your a fat guy, want a brownie?
Ok, settle down prostitutes.
Sam: Hey, how come he only punched ME in the stomach
Mitch: I have NO idea
Sam: Well, Mitch, it looks like we got ourselves a fight!
Mitch: All right, it’s fightin’ time! Can I be on their side?
Sex with blow-up doll not as good as advertised.
SING THE SONG BOYS!!!SING THE SONG!
So there you are tubby, you look like a bucket of lard on a bad day, you baby gorilla, why dont you work a zoo somewhere and stop bothering people, baskin robbins called, they said they’re down to 5 flavors, your swelling up as i talk to you, hello ice cream! having fun down there, running around?
So there you are tubby…ahh you look like a bucket of lard on a bad day. You baby gorilla, why donâ€™t you work a zoo and stop bothering people? Got a call yesterday from Baskin Robins, they said that theyâ€™re down to only 5 flavors… You swelling up as I talk to ya! Look at ya, howâ€™s this? Howâ€™s it doing? Hello ice cream having a good time? Running around? What are you laughing at, because I called your friend a fat pig? Why donâ€™t you get a horseâ€¦ move up the mountains, donâ€™t bother anybody? You have a personality like a dead moth.
That doesn’t seem fair now, does it?
These are nice cars. These are luxury cars. I’ve got a whole place … They’re fully loaded. They’re loaded with dead hookers!!
They say that in the land of the blind the an with one eye is king. Well, today in the land of the skunk the man with half a nose is king! HAHAHAHAHA….
Time to pay the piper, whore.
time you shut your take hole yoko, woman.
Wake up,slut! Well,well,well! We meet agian,nose biter! Time to pay the fiddler, whore!
Who farted? Oh yeah, that was me from earlier.
Who farted? Oh, wait, that was me from earlier.
why dont you go drink a nice tall glass of chihuaha piss or something.
You know what hurts the most is the, is the lack of respect, that’s what hurts the most, except for the, except for the other thing, that hurts the most, but the lack of respect hurts the second most!
You know what hurts the most? The lack of respect. That’s what hurts the most….well. Except for the other thing, that hurts the most. The lack of respect, that hurts the second most.
you know what I don’t get, when a bookie shoots you in the toe for not paying the money he still expects you to pay him, it doesn’t make sense
You never heard of that?
You screw this up, I’ll see to it that no of you ever work again. I’ll have you tearing tickets off in Kuwait. Salalama Kalamala..and everybody suckin’ sand. Don’t screw up!
Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Dirty Work’: Quotes from the movie ‘Dirty Work’