InnocentEnglish.com

Movie Quotes from Bruce Almighty: Quotes from the movie Bruce Almighty

i got the power

(teens gawk at sports car)1. Wow, nice car! 2. Yeah, it gets me from A to B.

1)Could you give me a hand here? 2)Well, I’ve got some stuff to do…raincheck! 1)I’ll hold you to it. 2)I’ll see you on the seventh, at seven. 1)Seventh at seven it is.

1. Is this heaven? 2. It’s Mount Everest. You need to flip on the Discovery Channel more often.

1. that was a good trick…but anyone with a brain knows that theres a crease somewhere back here or a hollow spot (knocks wood)2. where? 1. okay that was good

1.Grace. You want her back? 2. No. I want her to be happy, no matter what that means. I want her to find someone who will treat her with all the love she deserved from me. I want her to meet someone who will see her always as I do now, through Your eyes. 1.Now THAT’S a prayer.

1.The day a monkey comes out my butt,then you’ll get your sorry.2.Well what a coincidence. That day is today.

1: Are you saying that God is picking on you? 2: No, He’s ignoring me completely! He’s far too busy giving Evan everything he wants!

A teenager turning down drugs for an education…now that’s a miracle

and my tiny little nipples went to france

And my tiny little nipples went to France.

and my tiny nipples went to france

and that’s the way the cookie crumbles

And that’s the way the cookie crumbles.

and that’s the way the cookie crumbles..

And thats the way the cookie crumbles

And thats the way the cookie crumbles.
And thats the way uh huh uh huh i like it!

and the buffalo sabres have won the stanley cup for the first time in history….

yeah right

annnd THAT’S how the cookie crumbles

Announcer: Welcome to Eyewitness News at Six, with Susan Ortega, Evan Baxter, Fred Donahue Sports, Dallas Coleman Weather. And now, Buffalo’s Number One News Team.
Susan Ortega: Good Evening and welcome to Eyewitness News at Six. I’m Susan Ortega.
Evan Baxter: And I’m Evan Baxter and here’s what’s making news. A potential scandal with the Buffalo P.D. surfaced today when the mayor d-bow debit (choked off) (high pitched) D-bow d-bit d-bow (unintelligible chicken squawking) Bucka-bow, dee buck.
Director: Someone get him some water please.
Susan Ortega: Looks like my new co-anchor may need a glass of water.
Evan Baxter: (clears throat) Oh, there we go. Sorry about that. In other news the Prime Minister of Sweden visited Washington today and my tiny little nipples went to France.
Director: What’d he just say? Check the prompter.
Technician: The prompter’s fine.
Director: Evan, READ THE COPY. Please. The copy’s good. Just read it.
Evan Baxter: The White House reception committee greeted the Prime Ribroast Minister and… I do the cha-cha like a sissy girl. I lik-a do the cha-cha. I’m sorry we seem to be having some technical difficulties. In other news (breaks wind) Ohhhh. My apologies. Bulla blah, bulla blabity bulla bla (rapid unitelligible gibberish) Blabity blab bulla blah (explosive gibberish) (continues for 35 seconds) (vaguely Chinese) Kaa kaa poo poo. PEE PEE (nervous laugh)

Anyway I`m here with Catherine Hepburn`s mom. Tell me, why did you throw the blue heart of the ocean jewel over the railing of the Titanic? Did you feel bad at all letting Leo Dicaprio drown while you were safe floating on the big door? Could you have taken turns? Or were you just too afraid to freeze your big fat ass off?!
-Catie N.

B-e-a-utiful

B-E-A-Utiful!

B-E-A-utiful!!!!

B-E-A-utiful. Come on, let’s go back inside and have a shit.

Back to you FUCKERS!

Back to you, f–kers!

Back to you, fuckers!

Behind every good man, is a woman rolling her eyes.

Behind every great man…is a woman rolling her eyes

Behind every man is a woman rolling her eyes.

bingo, yahtzee, is that your final answer? our survey says…GOD….bing bing bing bing

Bingo, Yatzee, is that your final answer, our survey says: GOD. thanks for the grand canyon, and good luck with the apocilips. o and by the way, YOU SUCK!

Bow Wow Wow…Yippee O Yippee A…we’re doin it DOGGY STYLE!!!

Bruce so horny he love you long time

Bruce- How many fingers am I holding up? God- Five. Bruce AH HA! (pulls out his hand and it has seven fingers on it)

Bruce- How many fingers am I holding up? God- seven. Bruce AH HA! (pulls out his hand and it has seven fingers on it)

Bruce- PLay the cheesy inspirational music!

Bruce: God is a kid on an anthill with a magnifying glass. He can come down and help me anytime he wants, but he would rather burn off my feelers and watch me squirm!

Bruce: Hey, little anal-dwelling butt monkey. Time for you to go home, little buddy.

Bruce: How do you make someone love you without messing with free will? God: Welcome to my world.

Bruce: Is it my hair bill?Are my teeth not white enough? or like the GREAT FALLS IS THE BEDROCK OF MY LIFE ERODING BENEATH ME?!??!
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG!!!!!EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGG

Bruce: LOVE ME! LOVE ME!
Grace: I did.

Bruce: Nice to meet you, God. Nice job on the Grand Canyon and good luck with the apocalypse.

Bruce: Ok fine, i admit, I’m an ass.
Kid: HE said ASS
Bruce: Yes, but its ok when i’m referring to a donkey. Now if i said Ass ho-
Grace: [widens her eyes] Lets go back in [grabs the kid]

Bruce: Or like the great falls is the very bedrock of my life erroding beneath me…..ERRODING!

Bruce: Where are you going?
God: Vacation.
Bruce: God doesn’t go on vacation. Does he?… Do… ye?
God: Ever hear of the dark ages?

BRUCE:(SARCASTICALLY)OH DARN ALL THIS HORSEPOWER AND NO ROOM TO GALLOP (MOVES HIS FINGERS) HI HO SILVER AWAY!!!!!!!!!

Bruce:Hey, you little anal dwelling butt monkey.

Bruce:Its a good thing Im wearing this….*stretches his hairnet*….I wouldn’t want to get a grey hair in the booger.

Bruce:Wow…so you’re the janitor AND the electrician?? It must be a killer Christmas party!

Bruce:Wow…so you’re the janitor AND the electrician?? It must be a killer Christmas party! now dont get frunk now cause one of you might need a ride home

But was that enough for Hank? No, he then busted a local news team with 200 pounds of marijuana

Clap on! Clap off! Clap on, clap off, the clapper!

Come take a closer walk with me.

CUE THE CHEESEY INSPIRATIONAL MUSIC!!!(Chariots of Fire plays)

Dear God, I need you now more than ever. Please I still love him. But I don’t want to love him. I don’t want to hurt anymore. Please help me. Help me let him go.

Do ya like jazz Evan? (plays invisible trumpet and emphasizes on his middle finger)

Do you like jazz, Evan? Let me play a song for you. I can hold that note all day long.

Do you like jazz?!?!?! Because I can play that note all day Evan.

Evan is an ass-hole. (Bruce)I can be an ass-hole. No Bruce you can’t. (bruce) Flip…… Are u ganna pick that up?!?! Ya… Im soooo sorry!.

Everything happens for a reason.

Excuse me waitress, can I have a ssppoooooooooo… It’s ok! Found one!

God’s just a mean kid sittin on an ant hill…

God, why do you hate me?

God: People want me to do everything for them. What they don’t realize is that they have the power. You want to see a miracle? Be the miracle.

God: Grace. You want her back?
Bruce: No. I want her to be happy, no matter what that means. I want her to find someone who will treat her with all the love she deserved from me. I want her to meet someone who will see her always as I do now, through Your eyes.
God: Now THAT’S a prayer.

God: No matter how filthy something gets, you can always clean it right up.
Bruce: There were so many. I just gave them all what they want.
God: Yeah. Since when does anyone have a clue as to what they want?

God: You don’t kneel in the middle of a highway and live to tell about it.

God:Finding yourself isn’t a miracle
A single mom who is working two jobs
and still finds time to take her kids to soccer practice.
That’s a miracle!
A teenager who says no to drugs
and yes to an education.
That’s a miracle!
People want me to do everything for them.
What they don’t realize is, they have the power.
You want to see a miracle son?
Be the miracle!
Bruce: Wait, are you leaving?
God: Yeah, I can see that you can handle things now.
Bruce: What if I need you?
What if i have questions?
God: That’s your problem Bruce, that’s everyones problem!
You keep looking up!

Gooooooooooood

Grace: …but I’m so glad you’re okay.
Bruce: OKAY?! Newsflash! I’m not okay! I am not okay with a mediocre job! I am not okay with a mediocre apartment! I AM NOT OKAY WITH A MEDIOCRE LIFE!

Grace: I happen to have a very rare bloodtype, I’m AB positive. Bruce: Well I’m IB positive. I B positive they ain’t touchin me with no needle!

Grace: I’ve got a rare blood type. I’m AB positive.
Bruce: I’m IB positive. I be positive they ain’t stickin’ no needle in me.

Grace: Oh my god
Bruce: You can call me Bruce

Grace: Oh my God!
Bruce: You can call me Bruce

Grace: Oh, thank God you’re okay!
Bruce: (Sarcastically) Yes, let’s thank God, shall we. For his graces are simply raining upon me. (Dramatically) WAIT THAT’S NOT RAIN!

He saw, and it was GOOD!!!!!!!

Hey little anal dwelling butt monkey. Time for you to go home little buddy.

HI HO Silver

hi ho silver away

HI HO SILVER! AWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!

Hood: You want me to apologize? Okay, man, the day a monkey flies out of my butt is the day I’ll apologize.
Bruce: Well, how ironic, cause that happens to be TODAY.

I am Bruce Almighty! My will be done!

i do the cha cha like a sisy little girl

I guess that’s just the way life works, isn’t it? Some people are stuck, drenched, freezing to death, on a stupid boat, with a stupid hat, while others are in a warm, comfy newsroom sucking up all the glory!

i have no bird!i have no bush!God has taken my bird and my bush.

I just heard about evans new position,good luck to you evan backstaber, bastard, i mean baxter.

I just lost 50 pounds on the Krispy Kreme diet!

I lika do da chacha

I like-a da cha cha cha.

I lost 47 pounds on the Krispie Kreme Diet

I work in back I see no smiles.

I’ll take the worst day of my life with a side order of guilt please!

I’m free on the seventh at seven.

I’m on this stupid boat, with this stupid hat! (hand gestures make this quote)

If that was God, I’m Clint Eastwood.

If you want to see a miracle, be the miracle

IIIIIIIII WANT A BIG ASS WITH BIG TITTS

It’s a good thing I’m wearing this, so no hair gets in the boogers.

It’s good? ‘Sgood. ‘SGOOOD!

Its good. Its good. Its GOOOOOD.

Let’s go back inside and have a shit!

looks like my co worker needs a glass of water

m

mr.exclusive

My life is slowly eroding in front of me! Eroding! Eeeerrrrrrooooooooodddddiiiiinnnnggggg!!!

No matter how dirty something gets, you can always clean it up.–God

no thats ok, ill just take the elevator. Its broken. oh, well the stairs were my second choice anyways!

Oh darn, all of this horsepower and no room to gallop! HI HO SILVER!! AWAY!

Parting a soup is not a miracle, Bruce. It’s a magic trick. A single mom who’s working two jobs, and still finds time to take her son to soccer practice, that’s a miracle. A teenager who says no to drugs and yes to an education, that’s a miracle. People want me to do everything for them. What they don’t realize is they have the power. You want to see a miracle, son? Be the miracle.

Please God, I still love him, help me let him go, please, help me let him go.

Pleasurable, pleasurable….

smite me o mighty smiter

SMITE ME OH MIGHTY SMITER!!

Smite me, Almighty Smiter!

So god is picking on you?

So you’re the boss, the electrician, and the janitor? Must be a killer Christmas party. Don’t get drunk now, one of you might need a ride home!

Tell me, why did you throw the ‘Heart of the Ocean’ over the railing of the Titanic? Did you feel bad letting Leo drown while you floated on the big wood door? Could you have taken turns, or were you just too scared to freeze your big fat ASS off?

th previus buffalo record was 9′ 7” baked by gladis pelsnik, if this cookie beats galdus’ it will prove once and for all, that the Kowalski’s…have much more free time…

That was the breast bea…..Br..Thank you.

That’s the motivation I need, right there! Thank you, thank you, W..KBW. Wimpy, Kiddie, Baby, Whiners! That’s what that stands for! I’ll see you on channel 5, where they do the REAL news!

the day a monkey comes out my butt then u get ur sorry!!!

There once was a man with to sons, the youngest son took his inheritance and squandered it on a lifetime of obtrudy………. I LOVE THAT GUY

Triumph is born out of struggle. Faith is the alchemist. You can’t paint a beautiful picture without using some dark colors.

U know…i think there might be something to this cookie line all the greatest anchors have had they’re signature signoff…like Wal-Ter Cron-kite. And that’s the way it was and that’s the way the cookie crumbles… and that’s the way uh huh uh huh i like…uh huh uh huh

We’ve got a Walt Disney. He’s frozen solid.

Well I guess that’s how life is, isn’t it?
Some people are drenched and freezing to death on a stupid boat with a stupid hat while others are in a comfy new studio, sucking up all the glory. Oh well no big deal!

Well Ma, I admire you’re candor…Let’s try that again shall we?

Well, man from health department say he find rat pellet in our pastry, but I say no, is big chocolate sprinkle. But he shut store down. So we clean up, make big cookie for to bring customers back.

What a bunch of whiners!

What is up my bretheren?

When you leave this building you will be endowed with all my powers.

Wow, so you’re the boss, janitor, and the electrician? It must be a killer christmas party. Now don’t get drunk, one of ya might need a ride home.

yeah we’re doing it DOGGY STYLE!

Yes, behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes.

You anal dwelling ass monkey

You can’t just kneel down in a highway and expect to live

You can’t kneel down in the middle of the highway and live to tell about it

You don’t kneel in the middle of the highway and live to tell about it.

You know, I woke up this morning and I sweapr my boobs were bigger!

You may find the anticipation to be quite…pleasurable!!

You’ve got prayers.

Zoe Baboooeyy!

Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Bruce Almighty’: Quotes from the movie ‘Bruce Almighty’

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *