Movie Quotes from Airplane II: The Sequel: Quotes from the movie Airplane II: The Sequel
#1 Do you know what it is to laugh like that?
#2 Yes, yes i do.
#1 Oh my god – the sun! #2 What is it Simon? #1 A big fiery ball in the center of our solar system, but that’s not important right now, we’re headed straight towards it.
#1-Can I ask you a question mister? #2-A question what is it? #1-It’s an interrogatory statement used to test knowledge.
#1: Do you know what it’s like to laugh like that? #2: Yes. Yes I do.
#1: Here’s a profile of him. #2: Ugh! It’s not a pretty picture. #1: It’s not his good side.
#1: No bridge? #2: Just a tower, sir. #1: Why the hell aren’t I notified of these things?!?
1) Do you swear on the constitution of the United States to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you God!?
2) Aint no THANG!
3) Would you describe, in your own words, what happened that night?
2) Check it BLEED, bro was ON, didn’t trip, but the folks was streakin man, hey, and the pilots were layed to the BONE home, so blood hammered out and TOWNSHIPS, tighten that bad sucka had to run away like a mutha-f-sheit
1/ Can you please tell us in your own words exactly what happened that night?
2/ Check it, Bleed…. Bro was ON!! didnt trip but the folks were freakin’ man hey and the captain was laid to the bone, Home. So blood hammered out in town chick… tightened that bad sucker upside the runway like a mutha!! shiiiiiiit!!!
1: Over Macho Grande? 2: No. I don’t think I’ll ever get over Macho Grande.
1: The lights keep flashing out of sequence. What should we do? 2: Get them to flash in sequence.
1:Jacobs, I want to know absolutely everything that’s happened up till now.
2: Well, let’s see. First the earth cooled. And then the dinosaurs came, but they got too big and fat, so they all died and they turned into oil. And then the Arabs came and they bought Mercedes Benzes. And Prince Charles started wearing all of Lady Di’s clothes. I couldn’t believe it.
First Passenger: How long is my parking permit good for?
Information Agent: Two hours.
First Passenger: Thank you.
Information Agent: Yes, next.
Second Passenger: What’s the fastest animal on Earth?
Information Agent: The cheetah. Next.
Third Passenger: Should I fake my orgasms?
Information Agent: Yes.
Third Passenger: Thank you.
Information Agent: Next.
Jimmy Wilson: Can I ask you a question?
Ted Striker: What is it?
Jimmy Wilson: It’s an interrogative statement, used to test knowledge, but that’s not important right now, mister.
Steve McCroskey: Jacobs, I want to know absolutely everything that’s happened up ’till now.
Jacobs: Well, let’s see: First the earth cooled. And, then the dinosaurs came, but they got too big and fat, so they all died, and they turned into oil. And, then the Arabs came and they bought Mercedes Benzes. And, Prince Charles started wearing all of Lady Di’s clothes. I couldn’t believe it, he took her best summer dress out of the closet, and put it on, and went to town.
Steve McCroskey: Jacobs, what have you got on Elaine Dickinson?
Jacobs: Well, I’m two inches taller, a better dancer, and much more fun to be with.
Prosecuting Attorney: Doctor, can you give the Court your impression of Mr. Striker?
Dr. Stone: I’m sorry, I don’t do impressions, my training is in psychiatry.
All I’ve found is that these lights keep blinking back and forth. Aside from that, this thing seems to have no function whatsoever, sir.
Captain Murdoch (Will Shatner): That’s impossible; it must have some sort of function. Why would we pay all that money for a thing with lights that just go back and forth. Keep working on it.
And over here we see Prince Charles…oh I see he’s a bit busy, let’s move on.
CLERK: Who’s dog is this?
JOEY: It’s mine.
CLERK: I’m sorry. Dogs aren’t allowed on the moon. I’m afraid scraps will have to be shot.
(PULLS GUN AND SHOOTS DOG)
CLERK: Just kidding! Blanks! See?
Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you God. Ain’t no thang!
Excuse me, passengers, the plane is about to crash, and we may be slashed into little tinsy winsy pieces. Oh, and by the way we don’t have any coffee. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh [the passengers].
First the earth cooled. Then the dinosaurs came. They got to big and fat and then they died and turned into oil. And then the Arabs came, and they all bought Mercedes Benzes. Then Prince Charles started wearing all lady Di’s clothing. He took her best dress out of the closet and put it on. I couldn’t believe it.
Hello, Captain Over, what would you like for breakfast, over. I’d like eggs over bacon. Ok, I got that eggs over, over Captain Over. Ok, over and out. Ok, eggs over, Captain Over, over.
I don’t know if this is a good time to ask, but would it be possible for me to get my briefcase back?
I guess irony can be pretty ironic at times.
I’d like this Time, and Newsweek, and a Lifesaver, and, umm, the second time bomb on the right.
I’ll take the third time bomb from the right.
Look, Elaine, cut the ‘not where I’m sitting’-shit. It must be a human error.
Lunar Shuttle tickets
No, not a buh. A bomb.
Pilot: Striker was the squadron leader. He brought us in real low. But he couldn’t handle it.
Prosecutor: Buddy couldn’t handle it? Was Buddy one of your crew?
Pilot: Right. Buddy was the bombardier. But it was Striker who couldn’t handle it, and he went to pieces.
Prosecutor: *Andy* went to pieces?
Pilot: No. Andy was the navigator. He was all right. Buddy went to pieces. It was awful how he came unglued.
Prosecutor: *Howie* came unglued?
Pilot: Oh, no. Howie was a rock, the best tailgunner in the outfit. Buddy came unglued.
Prosecutor: And he bailed out?
Pilot: No. Andy hung tough. Buddy bailed out. How he survived, it was a miracle.
Prosecutor: Then Howie survived?
Pilot: No, ‘fraid not. We lost Howie the next day.
Stewardess: Please dont panic everyone! Just get in a safe postion and keep your head between your knees! (pause) You own knees father! (Priest lifts his head up)
There is a time and place for planting a bomb.
We all have our lights, Striker. They’re beeping and flashing. Beeping and flashing.
We could ignore the problem, sir.
Buck Murdock: You mean go home–hope everything turns out OK in the morning? I’ve considered it. There’s got to be a better way.
What is a man doing with a bobby pin?
When we were together, we would take walks on the beach, and then have some dinner, and then we would have wild sex, and we would rip eachothers shirts off, and we would…boy it’s getting hot in here.
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