Everyone loves a good man of faith. Even if you don’t agree with their particular brand of belief, one must respect their devotion. Of course, that is if they actually have a devotion to their beliefs. There have been so many news stories recently about pastor getting caught embezzling money, or having sex with another man, or doing drugs, etc… People are more upset about the hypocrisy and the betrayal of trust over anything else I think. A moral leader should be above reproach after all. Still, it is only the squeaking wheel that gets the grease and for every corrupt pastor out there dozens, if not hundreds, of good pastors toil quietly for the common good in obscurity. Either way, it is always good to have a laugh at yourself, right?
Service for One
On Sunday, the new young pastor arrived at church and found only an old farmer had shown up.
After waiting a while, the disappointed the pastor remarked to the old farmer, “Well, it appears no one else is coming, so we should probably cancel service today”
The farmer, dressed in his Sunday best, looked at the young preacher and said, “Well pastor, I don’t know much ’bout preachin’, but I do know something bout farmin’ and if I went out in the field and found only one cow, I’d still feed ’em”
This excited the young preacher who preached for the next 45 minutes a fierce fire and brimstone sermon. Afterwords the pastor asked the old farmer what he thought.
The old farmer remarked, “Well pastor, I don’t know much bout preachin’, but I do know somethin’ ’bout farmin’ and if I went out in the field and found only one cow, I wouldn’t give ’em the whole bale.”
Enlightened Pastors
At a recent pastor’s retreat each minister in attendance was asked the following question: “How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb?†The answers were as follows.
A Presbyterian Pastor responded, “None. If God wants the bulb screwed in he is sovereign and will do it himself without human effort.â€
A Charismatic Pastor replied, “None. The bulb doesn’t need to be changed. We should pray that it be healed.â€
A Pentecostal Pastor said, “None. We simply need to cast out from the bulb the demon of darkness.â€
The Fundamentalist Pastor stated, “None. We shouldn’t even enter the room because we need to keep ourselves separate from all darkness.â€
A Baptist Pastor responded, “None. If we allow physical contact between a person and the bulb it might lead to dancing.â€
The Wesleyan Minister replied, “None. If we just show the bulb its need, it already possesses the power to screw itself in.â€
A Non-Denominational Pastor said, “None. We don’t want to make the bulb feel unwanted or uncomfortable.â€
The Pastor and Hunting
This pastor joke might turn your stomach if you are not a hunter.
Three friends decided to go deer hunting together. One was a lawyer, one a doctor, and the other a preacher.
As they were walking, along came a big buck. The three of them shot simultaneously. Immediately the buck dropped to the ground and all three rushed up to see how big it actually was.
Upon reaching it they found out that it was dead but had only one bullet hole. Thus a debate followed concerning whose buck it was.
A few minutes later a game officer came by and asked what the problem was. The doctor told him their reason for the debate. The officer told them he would take a look and tell them who shot it.
Within a few seconds the game officer said with much confidence, “The pastor shot the buck!”
They all wondered how he knew that so quickly.
The officer said, “Easy. The bullet went in one ear and out the other.”
A Poor Pastor
After the church service a little boy told the pastor, “When I grow up, I’m going to give you some money.”
“Well, thank you,” the pastor replied, “but why?”
“Because my daddy says you’re one of the poorest preachers we’ve ever had.”
Three couples wanted to join a church…
Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor says, “We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks.” The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor goes to the elderly couple and asks, “Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?” The old man replies, “No problem at all, Pastor.” “Congratulations! Welcome to the church.” said the pastor. The pastor goes to the middle aged couple and asks, “Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?” The man replied, “The first week was not too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but, yes we made it.” Congratulations! Welcome to the church.” said the pastor. The pastor then goes to the newlywed couple and asks, ‘Well, were you able to abstain from sex for two weeks?” “Well Pastor, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks, “the young man replied.” What happened?” inquired the pastor.” My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there.” “You understand of course, this means you will not be welcome in our church,” stated the pastor.” That’s OK.” said the young man, “We’re not welcome at Safeway anymore, either.”
Post Topic: Jokes for your Pastor
