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The Funniest Jokes in the World

A scientific survey in 2002 attempted to find the funniest joke in the world. Thousands of people from dozens of countries voted on thousands of jokes. Each country had a different favorite. Overall, the number one and number two funniest jokes in the world, based on votes, are:
The funniest joke in the world:

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.

The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm, soothing voice, says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “Okay, now what?”
The Second Funniest Joke ever:

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson goes on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.

‘Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes,” replies Watson.

“And what do you deduce from that?”

Watson ponders for a minute.

“Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.

“Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?”

Holmes is silent for a moment. ‘Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”

The Funniest jokes in different countries:

Here are some of the top jokes in different countries:

The Funniest Joke in England and the United Kingdom:

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

The Funniest Joke in the U.S.

The American data proved to be somewhat strange. Dave Barry is a well known humourist whose columns are syndicated in many American newspapers. In January 2002 he kindly devoted an entire column to LaughLab. At the end of the column he urged readers to submit jokes that simply ended with the punch line:
‘There’s a weasel chomping on my privates.’

Within just a few days we had received over 1500 ‘weasel chomping’ jokes.

One weasel joke scored very highly in the USA and almost became the funniest joke in America. Here it is:

At the parade, the Colonel noticed something unusual going on and asked the Major: “Major Barry, what the devil’s wrong with Sergeant Jones’ platoon? They seem to be all twitching and jumping about.”
“Well sir,” says Major Barry after a moment of observation. “There seems to be a weasel chomping on his privates.”

However, ignoring the weasels, the top American joke was…

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.” The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”

The Funniest Joke in Canada

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a pencil.

The Funniest Joke in Austria

This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What’s WRONG with me, Doctor!?”
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: “Well, I can tell you that there ain’t nothing wrong with your eyesight….”

The Funniest Joke in Belgium.

Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To stamp out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks.

The Funniest Joke in Germany

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: “That’s not it” and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: “That’s it.”

The study was conducted through the Laugh Lab Web site:

And might I add, as a free bonus to visitors, the funniest kids joke ever, perfect for every four year old:
Knock knock.
Who’s there?

(Yes, that’s the whole joke. Subtle, yet multi-layered, it works on so many levels for all ages- as long as they are four. Skeptical? Try it on any four year old. Note that the word “poop” may be replaced by any number of equally hilarious substitutes limited only by imagination and the vocabulary of the target audience).



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1,059 Responses to “The Funniest Jokes in the World””

  1. naruto Says:
    January 14th, 2008 at 12:46 am

    your jokes are not funny!!!!its wierd

  2. LB Says:
    January 16th, 2008 at 11:53 pm

    This is hilarious, especially the one about the flaming ducks.

  3. notanidiotlikenaruto Says:
    January 18th, 2008 at 1:22 am


    not his jokes numbnuts,

  4. sean Says:
    January 19th, 2008 at 8:02 am

    here try this joke…..”a really ugly girl walked into the doctors office because she thought that she had a disease.So she went to the office and the doctor said”if we really want to find out i will need you to strip please”.The lady stripped down completely and the doctor gave her a stern look and said”oh my this is not good at all”,he sighed.”whats wrong doctor”?im very sorry to say this but you have exzackery disease”.”Whats that”?Its when your face looks exzackery like your butt.LOL i made this one up two days ago

  5. Shafty Says:
    January 21st, 2008 at 9:10 pm

    That’s really not funny. My uncle died of exzackery.
    Great jokes, by the way.

  6. Blake Edward Eynard Says:
    January 23rd, 2008 at 3:34 pm

    i didnt think those jokes were very funny at all. nope. i didnt. they were about as funny as my mom. she’s not funny at all. she told my baby cousin a joke and he started cryin. then when he got older he killed himself because of it. thats wat ur jokes do for me. they just arent funny. not at all. I’ll show you a funny joke. What do you call a hotdog wearing a costume? a halloweener!!! hahahahaha jk thats not that funny but it sbetter than your lame jokes.

  7. Babylove Says:
    January 24th, 2008 at 11:00 am

    None of ur jokes are funny and balke ur’s an’t funny at all so shame!!!

  8. type3diabetic Says:
    January 26th, 2008 at 3:04 am

    hahahahahaha i like your joke Blake…way funnier than any of the crap ones up there! i made up a joke only a few minutes ago: why’d the man leave the house? because it wasn’t his.
    well its funny to me :)

  9. oodle Says:
    January 27th, 2008 at 5:58 am

    a man goes to the doctors, he says “i just cant stop singing delilah!” the doc looks him over and says “you’ve got Tom Jones syndrome” “is it a rare condition?” asks the man “well its not unusual” replies the doc!

  10. oodle Says:
    January 27th, 2008 at 6:17 am

    2 ducks are on their honeymoon in a posh hotel. just as they are about to consumate the marrage, the male says “oh no, i dont have any condoms!” and promptly calls room service. “do you have any condoms?” he asks “yes sir” comes the reply” “good” says the duck “can you send some to our room?” “certainly sir” replies the clerk “would you like me to put them on your bill?” “dont be silly!”yells the duck “i’ll suffocate!!”

  11. caughtyouout Says:
    January 29th, 2008 at 4:47 am

    caught you out blake….you did not make that joke up about “exzackery disease”….. its been around australia for more than 20 years that i know.

  12. RP Says:
    February 1st, 2008 at 7:46 am

    i thought some of them were funny but not all of them.i like the one with the golf course.heres a joke a blonde was pulled over by a cop.the cop asked why are you swerving so much?the blonde replies , well first when i turned a tree was there so i turned the other way but there also was a tree . then a whole bunch were popping out of nowhere!!.the cop replied, you idiot thats your air freshiner!!!

  13. Lauren Says:
    February 1st, 2008 at 2:20 pm

    none of these jokes are even funny!!!

  14. ComSense Says:
    February 3rd, 2008 at 10:07 pm

    This Joke is nothing compared to the one above
    Anywayz here it goes:

    A midget walks into a bar trips over some sh*t left on the floor.

    Luckily no one saw him, so to avoid embarrassment.
    He doesn’t make a fuss about it.
    So he goes to bar and orders a drink.

    A few minutes later a big fella comes to the bar and trips over the same piece of sh*t.
    The midget smiles and says, “I just did that”.

    So the big fella comes over to the midget and knocks him out.

  15. Joe Says:
    February 5th, 2008 at 2:51 pm

    Wow…..these jokes are really funny

    but these comments…are the worst jokes i have ever read

  16. Fire girl Says:
    February 7th, 2008 at 5:57 am

    The jokes is old I heard all of them more than a year ago. I keep a journal of all the jokes i read.

  17. WHO CARES Says:
    February 8th, 2008 at 1:26 pm

    ok, the jokes above are hilarious and u all are about 10-15 year olds that need to be doing ur homework. get good grades and stay in school and stop wasting ur time on sites like this.

  18. lacrossegoddess Says:
    February 8th, 2008 at 1:27 pm

    lol hilar jokes yall especially the one bout the hunters HAHAHAHHAHAHA

  19. lacrossegoddess Says:
    February 8th, 2008 at 1:29 pm

    hey heres a blonde moment:

    She heard that 90% of accidents happen around the home, so she moved!!!!

  20. heather Says:
    February 8th, 2008 at 2:31 pm

    I’d like to know who thought that those joke were funny?
    I have nothing more to say.

  21. burrgerrkinggagain Says:
    February 13th, 2008 at 1:25 pm

    btw ComSense loved the joke, btw im kinda immature im only thirteen :D

  22. burrgerrkinggagain Says:
    February 13th, 2008 at 1:25 pm

    Two tourists were driving through Wisconsin. As they were approaching Oconomowoc, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town’s name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee. “Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are… very slowly?The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, Burrrrrr, gerrrrrr, Kiiiing.”

  23. bob Says:
    February 13th, 2008 at 6:24 pm

    the jokes up top were funny but most of the comments sucked, except for a couple

  24. Ally Says:
    February 15th, 2008 at 10:20 am

    I totally agree with Bob.

    There is a reason people say, “If you can’t say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all.”

    You don’t look cool guys! These jokes are great and just because they weren’t created five minutes ago doesn’t mean they’re lame! If you understand them, they’re funny…

  25. carlos Says:
    February 15th, 2008 at 10:08 pm

    I think all of these jokes were funnny especially the ones from this website.I also thought the jokes from the commet board was funny too. Here is a joke its just a joke I am not insulting you “Why did the coach go back to the store:To get his qurterback.” Well I hope you liked it.

  26. sickguy86 Says:
    February 15th, 2008 at 10:13 pm

    / / cool huh

  27. sickguy86 Says:
    February 15th, 2008 at 10:15 pm

    Why did the clerk go to the store? To get his quarterback

  28. ray Says:
    February 20th, 2008 at 5:40 pm

    did you hear the one about the broken pencil?

    nevermind, its pretty pointless.

  29. joe Says:
    February 24th, 2008 at 11:25 pm

    ray, that was horrible lol

  30. Jaybee Says:
    February 25th, 2008 at 5:31 pm

    I like the joke about the magic tractor… that went down a hill and turned into a field.

    + the brain that went into a bar for a quick pint, but the barman refused to serve him because he was already out of his head…

    + the sandwich went into a bar for a quick drink, but the barman said they didn’t serve food in there…

    Stevie Wonder is playing his first gig in Tokyo and the place is absolutely packed to the rafters. In a bid to break the ice with his new audience he asks if anyone would like him to play a request.

    An old Japanese man jumps out of his seat in the first row and shouts at the top of his voice “Play a Jazz chord ! Play a jazz chord!”

    Amazed that this guy knows about the jazz influences in Stevie’s varied career, the blind impresario starts to play an E minor scale and then goes into a difficult jazz melody for about 10 minutes. When he finishes the whole place goes wild.
    The little old man jumps up again and shouts “No, no, play a Jazz chord, play a Jazz chord.”

    A bit ticked off by this, Stevie, being the professional that he is, dives straight into a jazz improvisation with his band around the B flat minor chord and really tears the place apart. The crowd goes wild with this impromptu show of his technical expertise.
    The little old man jumps up again. “No, no. Play a Jazz chord, play a jazz chord.”

    Well and truly outraged that this little guy doesn’t seem to appreciate his playing ability, Stevie says to him from the stage “OK smart ass. You get up here and do it!”

    The little old man climbs up onto the stage, takes hold of the mike and starts to sing…
    “A jazz chord to say I ruv you…”


  31. Funnyman Says:
    February 26th, 2008 at 12:49 am

    k here is a funny joke…a 40 year old man is walking into a dark forset with an 11 year old boy.the kid looks up at the man and says mr im scared!then the man looks at him and says ur scared im the one thats gonna be walkind out of here alone

  32. R kid Says:
    February 27th, 2008 at 5:39 am

    i loike the jokes that are funny, aye body got 1

  33. bob Says:
    February 28th, 2008 at 12:12 pm

    yes kiddies

  34. cj-kewler Says:
    February 29th, 2008 at 2:13 am

    i no way betta jokes the only reason half you ppl hate the jokes is cuz ya dont get the joke not cuz ya dont like it, but ya have ta be able ta understand the joke to lyk it anyway this is a good one dont lyk it read it again…..

    now read carefully or everything could go completely wrong and something terrible will happen to you or worse…..

    read slowly but fast enough to answer the questions here we go but say answer out loud





    QUICK pick number between 12 and 5

    got it ?

    now scroll down…

    the number you picked was 7 right?

    weird isn’t it?

    well i hope it worked for you as good as it worked on me lol hope ya liked it hehe XO….

    ADMIN: Hey, it worked for me. Cool. Thanks.

  35. NANANA Says:
    March 1st, 2008 at 4:21 pm

    Ok the funniest joke ever. How do you make a hotdog stand?

    You take away its CHAIR! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  36. hahaha anna f Says:
    March 3rd, 2008 at 12:33 pm

    anuva 1 … this is mint

    think of a numba batween 0-10







    = your ansa is 9 isn’t it

    haha i have just wasted 2 minutes of your life haha had yaz gannin !! TIMEWASTERS !! TIME WASTERS !!

  37. hahaha anna f Says:
    March 3rd, 2008 at 12:37 pm


    March 3rd, 2008 at 12:42 pm


  39. Yoshi Says:
    March 4th, 2008 at 12:23 pm

    Ok here is a joke: A blonde is driving down the road and then she slams on her brakes because she was not watching and smacks into the back of some guy in a truck so the guy gets out and starts yelling at her and he gets so angry that he draws a circle in the sand on the side of the road and tells her he will hurt her if she gets out of the circle so he gets out a sledge hammer and starts smashing up her car and then he hears her laughing so he turns around and tells her to shut up then he continues smashing it and he hears her laughing again finally after the third times she laughs he turns around and says “what are you laughing about I am smashing your car and your laughing” and she says “well when you weren’t looking I stepped out of the cirlcle three times!”

  40. keith Says:
    March 8th, 2008 at 4:39 pm

    The Poop joke is the funniest thing I have ever heard and I’m not 4yrs old.

  41. Franco Says:
    March 10th, 2008 at 3:40 am

    joke = Girls are like phones, we like to be held and talked too, but if you press the wrong button you’ll be disconnected!

  42. newtown hs Says:
    March 11th, 2008 at 12:40 pm

    let me tell u all joke no offence to any religion. its just made up.

    once a women goes to a church to confess to a father.

    women: father, father i just called a men yesterday a son of a bitch.

    father: there is no need to confess for that.

    women : but father he touched my hands.

    father : like this . (father touches her hand) there is no need to confess for that

    women: but father he stripped my clothes.

    father : like this . (father stripps her clothes) there is no need to confess for that.

    women: but father he put his u know what in my u know where.

    father : like this . (father makes out with her) there is no need to confess for that.

    women : but father he had aids.

    father : that son of a bitch”"”"”"”"”‘

  43. mez Says:
    March 17th, 2008 at 4:38 pm

    this is the best joke ever three men walk into a bar… you think one of them would have seen it

  44. louise Says:
    March 18th, 2008 at 9:49 am

    omg! i like the 1 about the lady with her baby!

    but the americans! the dont have very good tast in jokes do they?

  45. Noe Says:
    March 20th, 2008 at 10:40 pm

    i didnt make this up.but i laughed when i heard it

    there was two peanuts walking on the side walk and one was a salted peanut.haha.

  46. Greg Says:
    March 25th, 2008 at 10:33 am

    The difference between the short and long income tax forms is simple. If you use the short form, the government gets your money. If you use the long form, the tax advisor gets your money.

  47. Bill Gates Says:
    March 29th, 2008 at 9:47 pm

    Knock knock.
    Who’s there?

    That one literally made me fall out of my chair. XD I must be four.

  48. Jaybee Says:
    March 31st, 2008 at 6:42 am

    Steve Austin goes to see the doctor, complaining that his bionic eye, arm and legs are giving him grief and making him feel a bit under the weather for jumping, lifting and spying stuff, like he normally does.

    The doctor checks him over and says “Well your eye, arm and legs do look a bit strange to me, I’d say you’ve probably picked up some kind of virus…

    Don’t worry, it’s nothing that a good dose of anti-bionics won’t cure”

  49. Jesus Says:
    April 7th, 2008 at 7:16 pm

    There’s a mom with three kids-
    The first kid comes up to her and says “Mommy, why did you call me Rose?”
    And the mother said, “When you were a baby, I dropped a rose on your head.”
    And then the second kid comes up to her and says “Mommy, why did you call me Daisy?”
    And the mother said, “When you were a baby, I dropped a daisy on your head.”
    And then the third kid comes up to her and says “Rarrfgdxdb… garblefarbleblock”
    And the mother said, “Not now, Brick.”

  50. Peguefogo Says:
    April 9th, 2008 at 6:42 am

    Who was the first sick-o to look at a cow and say “hmmm, I think i´l squeeze those dangly things and drink whatever comes out”?

    That is an interesting qustion, but what really makes me wonder is – what if it had been a bull?

  51. Maggie Says:
    April 20th, 2008 at 7:28 am

    Those jokes up there were not that funny, I mean, for the funniest jokes in certain countries? They have to be hilarious not mildly humorous. Try this one, I don’t know how funny itis but I thought it was clever:

    Recently a guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing several priceless paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, getting in and out past security, he was captured only 2 blocks away when his Econoline van ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied:

    “I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.”

  52. Jason Says:
    April 21st, 2008 at 3:29 am

    I was the fist one to squeeze those dangly things and drank what came out. it wasn’t what i thought it would be. i was kinda disappointed.

  53. Lisa Says:
    April 22nd, 2008 at 3:58 am

    Ok cut it out, stop saying these jokes are bad!

    I really liked the one with the miget and tall guy! OMG LOL!!

    I have a good one:

    What do you call a monkey in the ocean?

    A: Confused

  54. Anonymous Says:
    April 24th, 2008 at 10:57 am


  55. marley Says:
    April 25th, 2008 at 12:17 am

    wat happened to the irish man hu was rakin th leaves?….he fell out of th tree.

    i no use might not be frm NZ but thats a crack up!

    and stop hatin cuz u aint got n e jokes of ur own man if u aint like the jokes then GET OFF TH SITE MAN!

  56. matt Says:
    April 29th, 2008 at 10:45 am

    when do i get to the jokes?

  57. Great Joke Says:
    April 30th, 2008 at 5:29 am

    Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

    A: He was dead

  58. carrie Says:
    May 1st, 2008 at 12:29 pm

    omg this is stupid its horible!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ive heard these jokes since i was 5

  59. nice person Says:
    May 5th, 2008 at 1:24 am

    the comments r more funi than the jokes!!

  60. Jon Says:
    May 6th, 2008 at 9:41 am

    These jokes are not that funny. Perhaps, for those under 14. Maybe add the age limit to the title of this.

  61. Reuben Says:
    May 9th, 2008 at 4:39 am

    whatcha doin?
    eating choclate
    whered you get it?
    the doggy dropped it..
    wheres the doggy?
    behind the door :)
    whats he doin?
    makin more!

  62. Anna Says:
    May 12th, 2008 at 8:18 am

    These are very weird and some are dumb!

  63. bobman Says:
    May 12th, 2008 at 5:59 pm

    what looks like half a loaf of bread the other half

  64. kj Says:
    May 13th, 2008 at 10:13 am

    i heard this one from a friend
    there is a blonde rowing a boat out in the middle of a corn field and another blonde drives up in a nice car and says to the other blonde “you know its you blondes that give us blondes a bad name if I could swim out there i would kick you”

    sorry to all the blondes that read this.

  65. TONY Says:
    May 14th, 2008 at 5:14 am

    honestly your jokes arent the best ive ever heard

  66. JRS94 Says:
    May 17th, 2008 at 9:46 am

    Here’s one,

    A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.

    The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said “Look mate, don’t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!”

    The passenger apologized and said he didn’t realize that a little tap could scare him so much.
    The driver replied “Sorry, it’s not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver -
    I’ve been driving ‘hearses’ for the last 25 years!”

  67. crazygirl Says:
    May 17th, 2008 at 11:13 am

    thos r the wrst joks i hav evr herd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  68. Joker Says:
    May 17th, 2008 at 7:29 pm

    What do You get when you cross a bulldog and a shitzu

  69. KFTMAN Says:
    May 18th, 2008 at 9:34 am

    Those last 2 were Hilarious

  70. JRS94 Says:
    May 18th, 2008 at 9:37 am

    Just to let you in with my secret, I’m Joker, and KFTMAN HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  71. JRS94 Says:
    May 18th, 2008 at 9:42 am

    What’s going on.
    What happend to my KFTMAN comment
    I’ts like it Dissapeared Vanished I tell You

  72. sophie petale Says:
    May 18th, 2008 at 11:16 am

    why did the man with one arm cross the road

    to get to the second hand shop

  73. All jokes were funny. Says:
    May 30th, 2008 at 1:58 pm

    Very funny. I like this website

  74. All jokes were funny. Says:
    May 30th, 2008 at 2:08 pm

    Thanks everyone who made this site!

  75. bob Says:
    May 31st, 2008 at 9:20 pm

    i liked the taxi one, but some were crap

  76. Raphael Says:
    May 31st, 2008 at 10:41 pm

    Not so bad. I found that most were more clever than actually funny though (the one about the colonel and the privates was a good one). How about this one:

    A teacher asks her class one day, “If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and
    you shoot one of them, how many birds will there be left?”

    Then, when little Ralphy raises his hand, she calls on him.
    He answers,

    “None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.”

    The teacher replies, “The actual answer is 4, but I like your thinking.”

    Then little Ralphy says, “Now I have a question for you.

    There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream,one is licking the sides of the of ice cream cone that have started to drip.

    The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.

    And the third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?”

    The teacher, blushing madly, replied, “Well, I suppose it’d be the one that’s gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.”

    To which Little Ralphy replied,

    “The correct answer is ‘the one with the wedding ring on,’ but I like your thinking.”

  77. K3TtLe_k0Rn Says:
    June 1st, 2008 at 9:48 pm

    Love all jokes, even this site’s. Gt my own tho, hilarious.
    A hot young woman walks into a bar in her apartment complex.
    She goes over to the bar table, and the bartender comes over to see her. May I help you, he says. Yes, actually. The bartender is a tall man with a long, full beard. Have you seen the landlord recently,? She says. As she asks him, she reaches up and begins to stroke and carress his beard. The man is shy and very nervous to be having a girl touching him. No, he says very shyly. Oh, well, if you do see him, I’d like you to tell him something for me. She continued to carress his beard. What’s that, he asks, still very nervous. She comes up very close to his face and says, tell him……….theres no toilet paper in the woman bathroom.

  78. amyy:D Says:
    June 3rd, 2008 at 6:22 pm


  79. jjjjj Says:
    June 5th, 2008 at 2:57 pm

    these were maybe not the funiest but they were good

  80. They were good Says:
    June 12th, 2008 at 4:44 am

    I liked them

  81. CooCoo Says:
    June 15th, 2008 at 8:28 am

    Hahaha! Poop one was actually quite hilarious, and I’m a little past 4

    also, in the comments.. I like the one about the teacher and Little Ralphy.. I memorised it for school tomorrow!


    I didn’t LOVE alot of the voted ones, but I like the idea for the site, just need better people voting haha


  82. myscarfANDhatJOKE Says:
    June 17th, 2008 at 12:37 am

    what did the scarf say to the hat?

    You go on a Head, and I’ll hang around!

  83. Ceri Sturgepm Says:
    June 18th, 2008 at 5:05 am

    Yh the only joke i got was about the duck and the elephant….

  84. vikingguy123 Says:
    June 18th, 2008 at 11:07 pm

    okay heres a joke i dont know if its the funniest joke:

    a man and his dog walk into a bar,
    the bartender says, “no dogs allowed”,
    the man convinced the bartender to let his dog in and they sat to watch the vikings game,
    after they crossed the 50 yard line the dog started jumping and cheering,
    the bartender says, “wow, what does he do when they make a touchdown?”

    the man that owned the dog said, “i dont know i’ve only had him for 5 years

  85. im nice Says:
    June 20th, 2008 at 4:38 am

    any one there

  86. nice jokes guys! Says:
    June 21st, 2008 at 1:26 pm

    the jokes are cool (the comments) i like the one about the teacher and little ralphy a lot and about the big guy and the little guy in the bar

  87. Natt Says:
    June 23rd, 2008 at 3:12 am

    Only stupid people can’t find the humor in these jokes. If you understood it, I don’t know how you didn’t find the humor in em!
    Jk: “I used to be indecisive; but now I’m not too sure!:)

  88. MC Shayde Says:
    June 24th, 2008 at 9:05 pm

    This one is the funniest of them all!: A man jsut got a new face plant and it made him look younger so he decides to try out his new look when buying a newspaper at a newsstand. He says to the clerk, “Try to guess how old I am” The man says “20?” “No I’m 40″ says the guy with the face plant. The man decides to try it out again hwile at Mc donalds. He asked the lady and she replied with “50″ No I’m actuallu 40″ he says. So he’s waiting for the bus and an old lady comes by so he asks her how old she thinks he is and she says “Well, I have this thing that I can tell how old a man is by sticking my hands down their pants for 10 minutes. We learnt it in military school.” The guy, truting her says ok since no one was around” The ladies hands were down his pants for 10 minute sthen finally she says “You’re 40.” “How did you do that? How did you know?” asks the man. “I was standing behind you at Mcdonalds” (gets on bus).

  89. chrisvamp06 Says:
    June 25th, 2008 at 5:04 pm

    right i got one
    how did the blonde break her arm rakeìn the leaves

    she fell out of the tree

    and an other

    what do you call 20 blonds standing ear to ear

    a wind tunnel

  90. kawijian Says:
    June 28th, 2008 at 10:33 am

    Two friends are lost in the rain forest trying to find away out whenone of them is attacked by a cobra that attacks the “stuff” of the victim. The other despaired, calls the doctor using his sat phone.

    -doctor! my friend has just benn stung by a snake, what should I do, he is dying!
    - take it easy says the doctor, you just have to suck out the area that has been stung.

    so the guys closes the flip of his cel phone when the other victimized asks: what did he say?
    -he said that you are dead

  91. no Says:
    July 2nd, 2008 at 6:07 am

    that american space pen joke is a true story
    and im not joking

  92. Yonazi Says:
    July 2nd, 2008 at 2:33 pm

    This site is wonderful!! Most of the jokes r hilarious but some look somehow like nonsense. For those who wrote the funniest jokes congratulations, like the joke about the teacher and little Ralphy. I understood the whole joke although I ain’t old enough. For those who wrote bad comments to others, I feel sorry for you, I hope u will write ur own jokes and c what others will tell U!!!

  93. LOL Says:
    July 3rd, 2008 at 12:10 pm

    Heres a joke:

    An old couple go to the doctor.The old man goes first to have his physical.When the doctor is done with him,he sends the man to the waiting room and calls the woman in.

    Doctor:Id like to talk to you about your husband.
    Woman:Its his heart,isnt it!I told him to lay off the eggs!
    Doctor:Well,I asked your husband how he was feeling,and he said he was feeling great!he said that when he went to the bathroom and opened the door,that god turned the light on for him,and when he was done,he shut the door and god turned the light off for him.
    Woman:Darn!hes been peeing in the fridge again!

    oh!and i agree with Yonazi!

  94. Anonymous Says:
    July 6th, 2008 at 4:25 pm

    This truck driver is driving behind this blonde with a brand new Porsche. She is driving realy slowly and wont give him a gap to pass. He decides to pull her over. he gets out of the car and draws a circle on the ground with a piece of chalk and tells the blonde to stand in the circle. He then walks up to her car with a baseball bat and smashes her windows. the blonde keeps on laughing. He then bashes in the door. She keeps on laughing. He then blows down the tires, but she is laughing even louder. so he asks her why she is laughing and she replies. “everytime you looked away, I jumped out of the circle”

  95. heyitsmestupid Says:
    July 7th, 2008 at 5:25 am

    the one about ralphy was pretty funny
    i told it in class today and everyone cracked up even the teacher
    she thought it was pretty funny to

  96. james bonde Says:
    July 8th, 2008 at 3:34 am

    hey i got another joke

    two blondes are in a parking lot at the mall tryin 2 get into their porche because they loked the keys in then they decide to go n ask the nrma officer but suddenly it starts rainin and 1 blonde says o no i the seats in the car are goin 2 get wet i forgot to close the windows

  97. im also james bonde fool Says:
    July 8th, 2008 at 3:45 am

    i got another joke

    a women has a really flat chest and she gets sad then a ffairy god mother comes and says wats the matter n she says my chest is to flat then shes says ok every time a man says pardon to u ur breasts will grow an inch . later shes walking down the street n a man runs into her n said o pardon me n her boobs grow an inch the women is very pleased later on that day the same thing happend twice . that night she went to a resaraunt n the waiter spilleds some wine on her dress n waiter says o 1000 pardons madam.

  98. chriski Says:
    July 9th, 2008 at 9:01 am

    What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
    A carrot

    [note from admin- sorry Chriski. your second joke was funny but a little too adult for this site.]

  99. Calum Kegner Says:
    July 13th, 2008 at 4:04 am

    What do you call a blonde with half a brain?


  100. Otterhound11 Says:
    July 14th, 2008 at 10:25 pm

    these jokes are awsome; i have a few 4 ya:

    jesus dont want u to do drugs but hes the most high

    i like zero cuz its a nice round number
    (that 1′s kinda lame)

    i like to mix butter w/ i cant belive it’s not butter to make “i can belive some of it is butter”

    i went to ihop and the weitress w/ 1 leg (gigity) asked me if i wanted butter on my pancakes i said:
    i dont know wat 2 belive any more

    talk 2 me: aim at Otterhound11

  101. im also james bonde fool Says:
    July 15th, 2008 at 10:12 pm

    those jokes wernt that good either were mine but wat u goin 2 do about it

  102. laughing Says:
    July 17th, 2008 at 7:01 am

    That brick name one was hilarious!

  103. Abdulla Says:
    July 18th, 2008 at 7:47 am

    THis jokes arent really funny sorry

  104. Anonymous Says:
    July 21st, 2008 at 3:29 am

    i thort that the first one was sooooooooooooooooooooooo funny hehehehehehehe

  105. ffffff Says:
    July 21st, 2008 at 5:27 pm

    omg these jokes r funny i like the weasle is chomping on my private!!!!!

  106. Toni-Ann Says:
    July 23rd, 2008 at 1:17 pm

    These jokes are not funny.They’re just stupid.

  107. Samsam Says:
    July 25th, 2008 at 12:25 am

    i luved the jokes beautiful

  108. Anonymous Says:
    August 4th, 2008 at 6:29 pm


  109. Anonymous Says:
    August 5th, 2008 at 2:40 pm

    2 men were walking through the desert, one carrying a telephone box, the other carrying a lamp post. the man with the lamp post asks the other man “why are you carrying a phone box?”. “well” he says “when the lions come i can hide in it and i’ll be safe. Why are you carrying a lamp post?”. “Well” replies the first man “when the lions come i can drop it and i’ll be able to run faster”.

  110. swarup Says:
    August 6th, 2008 at 10:46 pm

    some jokes are really good…Dr watson is awesome.
    Here is one.
    two friends -one american and the other a Japanese set out to visit Gir forest in India..notoriuoly known for huge lions…deep in the forest, they hear a roar.Hearing this the japanese took off his kit bag from his shoulder…At this gesture, the american asked” friend what are you doing ? The japanese replied i am getting ready to puton my running shoes?
    “What ? can you run faster than the lion”asked the american….The japanese smiled and said-” no, my friend,only gearing myself to run faster than you…..

  111. swarup Says:
    August 6th, 2008 at 10:52 pm

    Here is one.
    Two friends -one American and the other Japanese set out to visit Gir forest in India…notoriously known for huge lions…deep in the forest, they hear a roar. Hearing this the Japanese took off his kit bag from his shoulder…At this gesture, the American asked” friend what are you doing ? The Japanese replied “I am getting ready to put on my running shoes”
    “What? Can you run faster than the lion”, asked the American….The Japanese smiled and said- “ no, my friend, only gearing up myself to run faster than you…..”

  112. Betty Says:
    August 13th, 2008 at 8:01 am

    These are the worst jokes ever. They suck.

  113. JoeyB Says:
    August 14th, 2008 at 12:40 pm

    Two men are sitting at a bar when one man whips out a cigar. Seeing that he has no means of lighting the cigar he says to his friend “Hey do you have a lighter I could borrow to light my cigar?”
    The friend replies “Yes” and whips out this huge 10 inch bic lighter.
    The first guy says “Wow, where did you get that massive lighter from?”
    His friend says “I got it from my genie.”
    “You have a genie?” asked the first man.
    “Yeah, I carry him everywhere I go” the friend replies.
    “Well can I see him?” asks the first man.
    Sure enough he takes the genie out of his pocket and sits him on the bar.
    The first man with the cigar leans over to the genie and says “Hey there little buddy, I am a good friend of your master, do you think you could grant me one wish?”
    “Sure” replies the genie “What do you wish for?”
    The man surprised says “I wish for a million bucks.”
    The genie dissapears back into his masters pocket and nothing happens.
    All of a suddenn two ducks walk into the bar followed by a few more.
    Soon enough the bar is filling up with ducks very quickly.
    The first man looks to the second man and says “What’s going on here friend? I wished for a million bucks not a million ducks?”
    The friend replies “Oh I forgot to tell you that my genie is really hard of hearing. Do you really think that I wished for a 10 inch bic?”

  114. JoeyB Says:
    August 14th, 2008 at 12:45 pm

    A man walks into a bar and orders a martini. After he is finished with his martini he takes a jar out of his pocket and places the olive from his martini in it. He goes on to order another martini and does the same thing. Saves his olive and puts it in the same jar. He does this a whole bunch of times until he is completely hammered and the jar has a bunch of olives in it. He casually pays for the drinks, doesn’t say anything and walks out of the bar. A man sitting near him says to the bartender “That was kind of wierd now wasn’t it?” The bartender replies to the man “What was so weird about that? His wife sent him out for a jar of olives.”

  115. Smug Says:
    August 16th, 2008 at 8:08 pm

    What do you call a bunch of white guys on a bench? A basketball game.

  116. Tiffany Says:
    August 21st, 2008 at 9:41 pm

    A blonde, brunette and redhead are walking in the desert. The redhead has packed some food and water, the brunette has packed a tent and the blonde has a car door. After walking for some time, the brunette and redhead ask the blonde why is she carrying a car door? Her reply: In case it gets hot, we can roll the window down!

    Hahahaha, my sister’s friend made that up when I was in probably 5th grade. Hilarious!

  117. me myself and i Says:
    August 26th, 2008 at 3:22 am

    tell me if you like this joke =]

    sorry to all the blonde’s out there…don’t b offended….

    theres 3 blonde’s in a car driving to Disneyland….they are nearly there and the see a sign that reads “Disneyland Left”…so they turned around and went home.


  118. andrew Says:
    August 28th, 2008 at 2:34 pm

    these jokes r ok i guess

  119. Andy the Clown Says:
    August 31st, 2008 at 3:07 pm

    My names Andy.
    Do you know what Andy’s short for?

    So i can touch my toes easily!!!

    (I use that one ALL the time! ;-)

  120. strokemybone Says:
    September 3rd, 2008 at 5:22 am

    serius i cracked up at the poop joke for 4 year olds
    and none of the other ones even made me laugh

  121. Anonymous Says:
    September 7th, 2008 at 7:50 am


  122. flamedemon1127 Says:
    September 9th, 2008 at 4:47 am

    heh heh these rule lol

  123. andy Says:
    September 9th, 2008 at 2:11 pm

    wicked jokes funney as hope to reed more

  124. i think ppl who use "lol" are "fat,lazy,nerds" Says:
    September 10th, 2008 at 10:31 pm

    u guyz r nerds these jokes suck

  125. frickkkkyyy Says:
    September 16th, 2008 at 6:38 am

    pls pls pls pls pls i need out of this site.these aint funny at alllllll. in fact i find ppls comments funnier.ooooppps what was i doing here.gosh and am still here,gotta get out of here.

  126. yo momma Says:
    September 16th, 2008 at 3:18 pm

    i agree with that guy

  127. abbie Says:
    September 16th, 2008 at 9:51 pm

    LOL the elephant|duck was was LOL!!!!!!!!!! i agree with the guy

  128. vanessa Says:
    September 18th, 2008 at 3:23 pm

    those were cool joke,s ever

  129. bigtex Says:
    September 18th, 2008 at 6:07 pm

    ok here is one few of you may have heard but this HAS GOT TO BE THE FUNNIEST JOKE EVVVEERRRRR

    Texas Chili Cook-off

    If you can read this whole story without laughing, then there’s no hope for you. I was crying by the end. This is an actual account as relayed to paramedics at a chili cook-off in Texas .

    Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better.
    For those of you who have lived in Texas , you know how true this is.

    Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield , IL .

    Frank: “Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge’s table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges(Native Texans) that the chili wouldn’t be all that
    spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge 3.”

    Here are the scorecard notes from the event:


    Judge # 1 — A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
    Judge # 2 — Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.

    Judge # 3 (Frank) — Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that’s the worst one. These Texans are crazy.


    Judge # 1 — Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
    Judge # 2 — Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

    Judge # 3 — Keep this out of the reach of children. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they
    saw the look on my face.


    Judge # 1 — Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.

    Judge # 2 — A bit salty, good use of peppers.

    Judge # 3 — Call the EPA. I’ve located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I’m getting shit-faced from all of
    the beer.


    Judge # 1 — Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

    Judge # 2 — Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.

    Judge # 3 — I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. woman is starting to look HOT … just like this nuclear waste I’m eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?


    Judge # 1 — Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

    Judge # 2 — Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

    Judge # 3 — My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by
    pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I’m burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw them.


    Judge # 1 — Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.

    Judge # 2 — The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic. Superb

    Judge # 3 — My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I’m worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can’t feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.


    Judge # 1 — A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

    Judge # 2 — Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.

    Judge # 3 — You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn’t feel a thing. I’ve lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they’ll know what killed me. I’ve decided
    to stop breathing it’s too painful. Screw it; I’m not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I’ll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.


    Judge # 1 — The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.

    Judge # 2 — This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he’s going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he’d have reacted to
    really hot chili?

    Judge # 3 – No Rep

  130. pepsicola Says:
    September 21st, 2008 at 11:27 am

    nothing rude, but these are NOT the funniest jokes in the world. ive heard them all a thousand times. however, i love the jokes in the comments.

  131. Bailee Says:
    September 23rd, 2008 at 6:10 pm

    I liked them. Here’s one:
    A blonde, a brunette, and a red head are running away from the cops, and they come across a potato field. They grab three empty potato sacks and hide in the field where the other potato-filled sacks are. The cops arrive at the field and go around kicking the sacks to see if anyone is in them. One cop kicks the brunette’s sack and she says, “ruff ruff” because she’s pretending to be a dog. Another cop kicks the red head’s sack and she says, “meow” because she’s pretending to be a cat. The cops kick the sack that the blonde is in and she says, “po-ta-do”
    Did you get it? =]

  132. FishFin Says:
    September 23rd, 2008 at 7:54 pm

    Okay, a duck walks into a bar and orders a beer and a sandwich. The bartender can’t believe his ears – you talk? He asks the duck. Yeah, now get me my beer and sandwich, I gotta get back to work in half an hour. The bartender can’t believe it – you have a job? He asks the duck. Yeah, I’m a drywaller at the construction site across the street replies the duck, as he opens up a newspaper and starts reading it. The bartender takes the hint, and gives the duck his beer and sandwich, the duck eats it and leaves. This goes on for a week everyday at lunch. One day, into the bar walks a circus owner, and introduces himself to the bartender. The bartender tells the circus owner all about the duck that drinks beer, eats sandwiches, talks, reads, AND has a job as a drywaller!! Well, says the circus owner, here’s my card, next time you see him, tell him I’ll offer him twice what he’s earning now if he’ll come work for me! So next day at lunch in walks the duck. I have some great news for you says the bartender – I have a person who is willing to double your wages if you’ll come work for him! Who is it? Asks the duck. It’s the circus owner who owns WarnerBro’s circus – they’re in town don’t you know? Wow, says the duck, I’m always interested in making more money, but it’s strange….is this the same circus which keeps it’s animals in metal cages with bars on them? Yes, that’s the one replied the bartender. And, is this the same circus where all the performers spend their nights in trailer homes and tents? Yes, yes, that’s the one replied the bartender. And, the same circus that has the giant canvas tent with the hole in the top, and rows of wooden benches? Yes, YES, that’s the circus I’m talking about beamed the overjoyed bartender. Well….pondered the duck, I guess I’ll go work for him….but I can’t for the life of me think why that place would need a drywaller?

    :) HAHAHAHAHA….come on it wasn’t bad :)

  133. ALEXYSS Says:
    September 29th, 2008 at 8:17 pm


  134. sophia siddiqui Says:
    September 30th, 2008 at 2:49 pm

    there are 3 separate couples dining for breakfast in a hotel.
    The first man says to his wife: ” can you pass the sugar sugar?” and she passes the sugar

    The second man goes, “can you pass the honey, honey?” and she passes the honey.

    now the 3rd man thinks, oh this could work for me, so he says to his wife, “can you pass the milk YOU COW?”

  135. G-Man Says:
    October 1st, 2008 at 5:47 pm

    That sherlock holmes one was hilarious

  136. Mr X Says:
    October 2nd, 2008 at 3:31 pm

    long complaints you guys really have nothing better to do?

  137. Mr X Says:
    October 2nd, 2008 at 3:35 pm

    I have a better joke then your ones making fun of the jokes a frog walks into a restraunt and is seated at a table. The waitress comes over and asks what he will have. he glances over his shoulder and notices a woman gasping to find a fly in her soup and the frog replys Ill have what shes having. hahahah that owns your complaints

  138. Niles Says:
    October 9th, 2008 at 8:54 pm

    these are the lamest ever!!! “THEY TOOK OUR TENT” HA HA HA
    Its not funny!!

  139. lalalalala Says:
    October 9th, 2008 at 11:38 pm

    elmos world

  140. Anonymous Says:
    October 11th, 2008 at 2:04 pm

    am i supse to laugh?

  141. rick 11 Says:
    October 12th, 2008 at 4:30 pm

    here’s one

    man1:i think you have knowitall disease.
    man2:no i don’t!
    man1:well, you would know…

  142. SMOR FUNNY DAN U Says:
    October 13th, 2008 at 7:41 pm

    These jokes r crap aparently these countries have no sense of humor. yeah thats what i’d say but the one for america is crap too why don’t you get some real jokes. If i look up jokes on google and click on the very first one I see I would be a whole lot better that any of the crap up thare i bet.

  143. It's a funny old game Says:
    October 20th, 2008 at 9:58 am

    This site really cheered me up. I’ve been having a tough week…. my grandmother died last Thursday. She was 94 and it was her birthday. It was very unexpected. We were only half way through giving her the bumps.

  144. gemma t Says:
    October 20th, 2008 at 10:23 am

    There are two catapillars sitting on a leaf, they look up and a butterfly goes past, one catapillar says to the other “you will never get me in one of those things”. haha well i thought it was funny.

    Two goldfish are sitting in a tank one says to the other “how do you drive this thing”.

  145. Brittany~~SexiA** Says:
    October 21st, 2008 at 11:54 am

    These jokes are really funny.

  146. sandybeach Says:
    October 21st, 2008 at 11:08 pm

    A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says to him, “Hey, why the long face?”
    (yup, that’s it!)

  147. Anonymous Says:
    October 22nd, 2008 at 3:26 pm

    Psychiatry students were in their Emotional Extremes class. “Let’s set some parameters,” the professor said. “What’s the opposite of joy?” he asked one student.
    “Sadness,” he replied.
    “The opposite of depression?” he asked another student.
    “Elation,” he replied.
    “The opposite of woe?” the prof asked a young woman from Texas.
    The Texan replied, “Sir, I believe that would be giddyup.”

  148. Personal info Says:
    October 23rd, 2008 at 2:38 am

    Some of those jokes were funny i got a joke too!!
    what did the pencil shapener say to the pencil?
    stop going round in circles and get to the point. LOL! well i think its funny:)

  149. tubbyc Says:
    October 25th, 2008 at 9:45 am

    there all crap the taxi driver 1 was funny but the rest r 4 kids get a life ur not funny at all freaks

  150. tubbyc Says:
    October 25th, 2008 at 9:53 am

    a duck walks into a bar an says to the bar man ” have you got any bread” the bar man says sorry we dont do bread mate. So the duck walks off the next day the duck comes back.” o right m8 have you any bread” says the duck”.” No we don’t do bread i all ready told you”. So the duck goes. The next day the duck returns.”hi you got any bread”. the bar man is gettin mad an says” listen if you walkin into this bar an ask from bread again i will nail yor bill to the bar NOW GET OUT!!” the duck is shocked an walks out.The next day the duck returns and the bar man looks at him an says ” dont you dare”. So the duck says ” orite mate do you have any nails”. the bar man confussed says ” no we dont do nails” so the duck says “good do you have any bread then”

  151. vikingguy123 Says:
    October 26th, 2008 at 11:59 am

    According to Montey Python, the world funniest joke is:

    “My dog has no nose.”

    “How bad does it smell?”


  152. Sean Says:
    November 3rd, 2008 at 8:29 am

    President Bush was in a meeting with the Joint Chiefs of Staff and one was briefing him about the days violence in Iraq.

    The Joint Chief tell him that 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in combat.

    President Bush puts his head down and appeared to be crying. After a few akward moments, he lifts his head and asks the Joint Chief, “How many is a brazillion?”

  153. Anonymous Says:
    November 4th, 2008 at 1:09 pm

    The jokes are kind of weird their not much good!!!! The flaming duck one is ok

  154. lebanana man Says:
    November 4th, 2008 at 4:03 pm

    There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, “I’m going to try to swim to shore.” So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
    The second one, the redhead, said to herself, “I wonder if she made it. I guess it’s better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve.” So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
    So the blonde thought to herself, “I wonder if they made it! I think I’d better try to make it, too.” So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, fifteen miles, and finally nineteen miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, “I’m too tired to go on!” So she swam back.

  155. fishy Says:
    November 4th, 2008 at 4:05 pm

    A blonde and a lawyer sit next to each other on a plane. The lawyer asks her to play a game. If he asked her a question that she didn’t know the answer to, she would have to pay him five dollars; And every time the blonde asked the lawyer a question that he didn’t know the answer to, the lawyer had to pay the blonde 50 dollars. So the lawyer asked the blonde his first question, “What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?” Without a word the blonde pays the lawyer five dollars. The blonde then asks him, “What goes up a hill with four legs and down a hill with three?” The lawyer thinks about it, but finally gives up and pays the blonde 50 dollars. Then the lawyer asked her what the answer was and without a word the blonde gave the lawyer five dollars.

  156. tweenies Says:
    November 4th, 2008 at 4:06 pm

    There once was a scientist who studied frogs. One day, the scientist put the frog on the ground and told it to jump. The frog jumped four feet.
    So the scientist wrote in his notebook, “Frog with four feet, jumps four feet.”
    So the scientist cut off one of one of the frogs legs. The scientist told the frog to jump. Frog jumped three feet. So the scientist wrote in his note book, “Frog with three feet, jumps three feet.”
    So the scientist cut of another leg. He told the frog to jump. The frog jumped two feet. So the scientist wrote in his notebook “Frog with two feet, jumps two feet.”
    The scientist cut off one more leg. He told the frog to jump. Frog jumped one foot. So the scientist wrote in his notebook, “Frog with one foot, jumps one foot.”
    So the scientist cut off his last leg.
    “He said, “Frog jump. Frog jump. FROG JUMP!”
    So the scientist wrote in his notebook, “Frog with no feet, goes deaf.”

  157. hello Says:
    November 4th, 2008 at 4:07 pm

    One day, a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, with no scuba gear on whatsoever.
    The diver went below another 10 feet, but the guy joined him a minute later. The diver went below 15 more feet, and a minute later, the same guy joined him.
    This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof pad and pencil, and wrote, “Amazing! How are you able to stay this deep down without equipment?”
    The guy took the pencil and pad, erased what the diver had written, and wrote, “I’m drowning, you moron!”

  158. dude Says:
    November 4th, 2008 at 4:08 pm

    There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money. He told his wife, “When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me.”
    And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.
    Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her.
    When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, “Wait just a minute!”
    She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.
    So her friend said, “Girl, I know you weren’t fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband.” The loyal wife replied,
    “Listen, I’m a Christian, I can’t go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him.”
    “You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!?”
    “I sure did,” said the wife. “I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a check. If he can cash it, he can spend it.”

  159. guy Says:
    November 4th, 2008 at 4:08 pm

    The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. The owner asks the clerk, “What’s with that guy over there by the wall?”
    The clerk says, “Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn’t find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative.”
    The owner says, “You idiot! You can’t treat a cough with laxatives!”
    The clerk says, “Oh yeah? Look at him, he’s afraid to cough!”

  160. lippy Says:
    November 4th, 2008 at 4:09 pm

    A blonde lady was driving along the highway when a blonde police officer pulled her over for speeding.

    Officer: May i see your licence?

    Lady: what does it look like?

    Officer: its a rectangular thing with a photo of you on it.

    The lady looks through her bag and pulls out her compact mirror and hands it to the officer.

    The officer opens it up and says ‘if you had told me you were a police officer I wouldn’t have pulled you over.’

  161. helen Says:
    November 4th, 2008 at 4:11 pm

    A guy dials his home and a strange woman answers.
    The guy says, ”Who is this?”
    ”This is the maid,” answers the woman.
    ”We don’t have a maid,” says the man.
    The woman says, ”I was hired this morning by the lady of the house.”
    The man says, ”Well, this is her husband. Is she there?”
    The woman replies, ”She is upstairs in the bed room with someone who I figured was her husband.”
    The guy is fuming and says to the maid, ”Listen, would you like to make $50,000?”
    The maid says, ”What will I have to do?”
    The man tells her, ”I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the witch and the jerk she’s with.”
    The maid puts the phone down; the man hears footsteps and then two gun shots.
    The maid comes back to the phone, ”What do I do with the bodies?”
    The man says, ”Throw them in the swimming pool.”
    Puzzled, the maid answers, ”But you don’t have a pool.”
    A long pause and the man says, ”Is this 567-5309?”

  162. belinda Says:
    November 4th, 2008 at 4:11 pm

    A young couple on their wedding night were in their honeymoon suite.
    As they were undressing for bed, the husband, a big burly man, tossed his trousers to his new bride. He said, “Here, put these on.”
    She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body.
    “I can’t wear your trousers.” she said.
    “That’s right,” said the husband, “and don’t you ever forget it. I’m the man who wears the pants in this family.”
    With that she flipped him her panties and said, “Try these on.”
    He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps.
    “Hell,” he said. ”I can’t get into your panties!”
    She replied, “That’s right…and that’s the way it is going to stay until your attitude changes.”

  163. tom Says:
    November 4th, 2008 at 4:12 pm

    A man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
    “Why are you eating grass?” he asked the man.
    “I don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied.
    “Oh, please come to my house!”
    “But sir, I have a wife and four children…”
    “Bring them along!” the rich man said.
    They all climbed into the limo. Once underway, the poor fellow said, “Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us in.”
    The rich man replied, “No, you don’t understand. The grass at my house is over three feet tall!”

  164. ashley Says:
    November 4th, 2008 at 4:12 pm

    A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time.

    “How wonderful! But I hope you don’t mind me asking what happened to your first husband?”
    “He ate poisonous mushrooms and died.”
    “Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?”
    “He ate poisonous mushrooms too and died.”
    “Oh, how terrible! I’m almost afraid to ask you about your third husband.”
    “He died of a broken neck.”
    “A broken neck?”
    “He wouldn’t eat the mushrooms.”

  165. zac Says:
    November 4th, 2008 at 4:13 pm

    Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911:

    Blonde: We need help. We’re three blondes changing a light bulb.

    Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?

    Blonde: Yes.

    Operator: The power in the house in on?

    Blonde: Of course.

    Operator: And the switch is on?

    Blonde: Yes, yes.

    Operator: And the bulb still won’t light up?

    Blonde: No, it’s working fine.

    Operator: Then what’s the problem?

    Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around, and we all fell and hurt ourselves.

  166. Wendy Says:
    November 5th, 2008 at 3:35 am

    the women and her baby was the best joke here!!!!

  167. brick Says:
    November 5th, 2008 at 1:15 pm

    i love the brick 1!

  168. Shadow Queen Zip Says:
    November 9th, 2008 at 9:23 pm

    well, the jokes are pretty funny, but the ones the people posted are not funny at all. i like the NASA one :-)

  169. nate Says:
    November 10th, 2008 at 4:31 pm

    you know what suicide is? its a way of telling god you cant fire me , i quit. haa

  170. sean Says:
    November 11th, 2008 at 9:30 pm

    two guys walked into a bar and said ouch

  171. Laura Says:
    November 12th, 2008 at 7:03 am

    Max and paddy go for a job interview and they both have to fill out a quick quiz, who ever gets the highist score gets the job.

    When they have finished the Manager marks the quizzes.

    Manager: Well both of you got the same amount of questions right but im going to give the job to Max.

    Paddy: Well thats not fair, how come Max gets the job when we both got the same amount of answers right.

    Manager: Well Paddy, on question five Max put, ‘i do not know the answer to this question’ and Paddy you put ‘niether do i’

  172. vancemaster Says:
    November 12th, 2008 at 7:17 pm

    loved them all they are great

    I’m texan and the Chili contest made me burst w/ laughter

    My step-dad needs a lesson from you all

    Why did the turkey cross the road

    He did’nt want to be called chicken

  173. STUPID JOKES Says:
    November 13th, 2008 at 10:08 am


  174. Nick the Greek Says:
    November 13th, 2008 at 12:46 pm

    What do and ostrich and a tortoise have in common?

    They both cant drive a tractor

  175. alexdestructions Says:
    November 14th, 2008 at 6:13 pm

    lol.. the first one was funny.

  176. Dougal and barney Says:
    November 18th, 2008 at 6:39 pm

    Heres a good one:
    Priest is checkin in to a hotel and says to the receptionist: I hope the porn is disabled
    Receptionist:no its normal ya freak.

  177. Andrew Says:
    November 18th, 2008 at 8:39 pm

    Most of these aren’t very funny, but I loved the one with the new taxi driver. Me and my friend spent a week trying to make up a joke back when were were in high school and this was what we came up with; only adults will understand this joke:

    A scrawny white man, wearing thick glasses and a pocket protector, walks into a bar that is unusually loud one night.

    He asks the bartender “What’s going on?”
    The bartender explains “every Saturday night we hold a competition!” While pointing to a gargantuan and well-built bouncer standing by the door, he continues “…Our bouncer Jeff will take a lemon and squeeze all of its juice content into a cup. If you’re able to squeeze just one drop out of the lemon after he hands it back, the prize is $1500. There’s a $10 fee for trying, but nobody has ever won!”

    The newcomer asks Jeff if he can give it a shot. The bouncer looks at him and laughs, stating that he’ll even waive the $10 fee for such a puny guy.

    Jeff takes a lemon and squeezes it for about 20 seconds while the entire bar cheers him on. Once he can extract no more juice he hands it back to the man in glasses, who takes it and squeezes with all his might. After a dramatic 45 seconds, and to the utter astonishment of the audience, he actually manages to squeeze 3 drops from the lemon and asks the bewildered bouncer for his prize!

    Stunned, but quite intrigued, Jeff hands him the money and questions what on earth the man does for a living, to which he replies “I’m an IRS agent.”

  178. Dougal and barney Says:
    November 22nd, 2008 at 7:59 pm

    Egg and chicken lying in bed together. Egg is smoking a cigarette and says to the chicken:
    Well, now we know the answer to that question

  179. You don't need to know Says:
    November 28th, 2008 at 1:02 am

    Ok. who ever thought these dang jokes were NOT funny… You are …. a blonde.

  180. You don't need to know Says:
    November 28th, 2008 at 1:21 am

    How many doofuses does does it take to to change a light bulb?


    One to hold the light bulb still, the other to spin the chair clockwise.

  181. Kimi Says:
    November 30th, 2008 at 4:00 am

    These jokes suck! The comments are the funniest :’DD

  182. Joe Says:
    November 30th, 2008 at 2:06 pm

    How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    Just two; but how do you get them IN the light bulb?


  183. no need for yu to know Says:
    November 30th, 2008 at 6:04 pm

    There was an englishman, irishman and a scottishman all sentanced to death. and just as the englishman is about to be shot he shouts “wait !,, avalanche” and points infront of him and all the guys who was gonna shoot him turn around, and the englishman runs away. just as the scottishman is gonna be shot he shouts out “wait ! lightening” and points behind the guys who are gonna shoot him, and the guys who are gonna shoot him all turn around and he runs away. and just as the irishman is gonna get shot he shouts out “wait ! fire” and so they all shoot him

  184. jesse Says:
    December 2nd, 2008 at 12:27 am

    omg….that is sooooo funny!

    Hear is one that is kinda funny….Little Peter wanted to know who God is so he asked his dad….is god a girl or a boy and his dad said both, son…. but dad, is god black or white? His dad said, he is both….now go and play….
    then he saw his friend James and said….I was right, I was right! Michael Jackson is God!

  185. Anonymous Says:
    December 3rd, 2008 at 10:37 pm

    Considering all the bad joke sites on the Internet, I think this site had a considerable amount of good jokes. I thought the monkey baby joke was the best…but, I enjoyed many others. To the people that stated they didn’t understand any of them except for the “knock, knock, poop” joke, all I can say is STAY IN SCHOOL!
    Very, very funny site.
    Keep laughing everyone!

  186. Anonymous Says:
    December 6th, 2008 at 3:58 pm

    I reeeeeally think it’s funny that you think these are funny.OHHHHHHHHHH!!!!\


  187. random guy 330 Says:
    December 7th, 2008 at 9:57 am

    iv got a joke
    whats the difference between trampolines and lawyers…

    you take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline

  188. kayla Says:
    December 7th, 2008 at 2:13 pm

    ummmmmmmmm i was looking 4 better jokes but theese wer okay!!!!!!!!/:{{{{{{{:

  189. eric Says:
    December 8th, 2008 at 11:22 pm

    worst jokes i ever read!i bet i can crack my hand and people will think it’s funnier!

  190. I'm with stupid Says:
    December 9th, 2008 at 7:18 pm

    A few of the jokes are funny but some sucked
    by the way Burrgerrkinggagain and Jesus ur joks are hilarious but NaNaNa & Noe I don’t understand ur joks as for Keith I dont understand u

  191. Mike Says:
    December 11th, 2008 at 4:17 pm

    Two guys were walking through the woods
    when the come upon this big hole in the ground.
    It is so deep they cannot see the bottom and decide
    to throw a rock down there to see how far down it goes.
    They throw a rock and listen for a moment. There is no
    sound. They decide the hole is very deep and they
    need something bigger to throw down to hear it hit
    the bottom.

    One of them spies a large rail road tie in the weeds
    and the two of them get on each end and on the
    count of three they heave this railroad tie into the
    hole. All of a sudden they hear this rusteling in the
    bushes and a goat comes running at full speed
    out of the weeds and jumps straight down the hole.

    They were surprised and stood there looking into the
    hole wondering what would cause such a strange
    action from a goat. Pretty soon a farmer comes
    strolling out of the bushes and asks “Hey, either
    of you guys seen my goat?”

    The guys reply, “Uh, yea, a goat just came running
    up and jumped down this hole”.

    The farmer said “Couldn’t have been my goat, my
    goat was chained to a rail road tie”.

  192. Mike Says:
    December 11th, 2008 at 4:18 pm

    A young potato goes to her father one day and says, ‘Dad, I have wonderful
    news. I’m getting married!”

    “Wonderful,” says the Potato father. “Who are you going to marry?”
    “I’m going to marry a Russet”, she says.

    “Russets are outstanding Potatoes. You have my blessing. They come from fine
    stock. Get married and have a long, happy life.”

    Then the second Potato daughter goes to the Potato father and says, “Dad, I
    have wonderful news. I’m getting married, too.”

    Her potato father says, “What marvelous news! Who are you going to marry?”

    To this she replies, “I am going to marry an Idaho.”

    The potato father says, “Idaho’s are also wonderful Potatoes. You have my
    blessing as I know they are terrific with excellent roots.

    Then the third daughter goes to her father and says, “I, too, am getting

    The potato dad says, “I can’t believe this. I am so happy. Who are you going
    to marry?”

    The third daughter replies: Dan Rather.”

    “Dan Rather??”, exclaims the shocked father. “You can’t marry Dan Rather.
    He’s a commontater.”

  193. Erin Says:
    December 11th, 2008 at 9:43 pm

    these jokes were really funny!! its good that ppl will take the time out of their day to help another person laugh. laughter is the best medicine!! i hope everyone who saw this page smiled at least once.
    Would you do something for me?
    i noticed that whenever someone tells a joke, even if its childish or just plain silly, it can get usually get a chuckle out of someone. Then the person who laughed will try to think of another joke to make someone else laugh. And that next person will do the same thing!! Its a chain reaction!! So, if one person told one joke everyday, think of what a happier place the world would be!! Theres so much to gain and nothing to lose!!
    as a wise philosopher once said;
    “for that is the saving grace of comedy. if u fail no one is laughing at you!”
    have an awesome day.
    you are a unique and special person, there will never be another like you, you are a marvel. So why not try and make the world a better place? think of your friends your family your kids everyone you love, and if u dont care about making the world a better, happier place, do it for them. Do it for us.
    Thank you!! =)

  194. dylan Says:
    December 14th, 2008 at 9:58 pm

    preety funny but some i dont get but still they cracked me up!!!

  195. Anonymous Says:
    December 15th, 2008 at 12:24 pm

    A lady goes to see a doctor and explains that she is losing her sex drive and is worried that it will negatively effect her marriage. The doctor explains that it is probably a lowering of her testosterone levels, so he gives her some testosterone pills that will help balance her system. Concerned, she questions him about testosterone being a male hormone. He assures her that both men and have this hormone and that it is predominately in men and that women tend to lose their sex drive when the little amount they have in their system drops significantly. “Come back in six months and tell me how it is working for you,” he says reassuringly. She agrees to try. Three months later she returns complaining about some strange hair growth on her chest. The doctor says “Well how far down is this hair growing?” She yells back “All the down to my peni-.”

  196. Stuart Says:
    December 17th, 2008 at 5:40 pm

    Are you kidding!? Aweful jokes. I think I have the best joke I have ever heard and you are about to read it. Ready?…

    Have you seen Quasimodo?

    …I have a hunch he’s back!


    that left me laughing for DAYS

  197. Shawn Says:
    December 18th, 2008 at 10:39 am


    A blonde walks into a library, approaches the front desk and says, “Can I get a cheeseburger?”. The librarian confused, says, “ma’am, this is a library”. The blonde replies with a quiet whisper, “oh sorry, can I have a cheeseburger?”

  198. Canderson Says:
    December 18th, 2008 at 7:48 pm

    Try this one. a pig walks into a bar and orders a drink then 20 more without going to the bathroom the bartender asks how he does it and the pig replies ……………………………………….. “simple i’m the little pig that goes wee wee wee all the way home”

  199. hmongmeeka Says:
    December 19th, 2008 at 7:56 am

    haha…i think some of the jokes were funnny but yea..dont take it to the heart though…

  200. Bored Says:
    December 20th, 2008 at 7:54 am

    those were the dumbest jokes i’ve ever heard!!!!!!!

  201. Writer Yus Says:
    December 20th, 2008 at 12:49 pm

    “Honey, today my friends will visit our home,” said husband to his wife.
    “What?! Look our home! Like a sinking ship! Floor still dirty. Dirty laundry pile in bathroom. I burned my cooking. Our kid got sick. I’m not even take a bath yet. But you invite your friends here!”
    “Calm down honey. Let’s forget all those things. They want to get married. I intentionally invite them, so they can see what marriage life can be.”

  202. Writer Yus Says:
    December 20th, 2008 at 12:50 pm

    2 grandfathers sit in the bench under the tree. One grandpa said to other, “Bejo, now I am 73 old and sick a lot. You have about the same age, is that the same things happened to you?”
    “Well, …actually I feel like a newborn baby.”
    “Really? Do you really feel like a newborn baby?”
    “Yes! I am bald, have no teeth, … even now I pee in my pant!”

  203. Anonymous Says:
    December 20th, 2008 at 1:16 pm

    that’s nice

  204. Amar Says:
    December 24th, 2008 at 5:18 pm

    man this is the best joke

    ur mum is so dumb that when
    a robber came and stole her tv
    she ran after him and said
    u forgot the remote!!!


  205. Amar Says:
    December 24th, 2008 at 5:27 pm

    rate my joke 1-10 plz
    number 199

  206. 9-B Says:
    December 27th, 2008 at 3:29 am

    The Martial Artist who joined the Army nearly killed himself the first time he saluted

  207. Juliana Says:
    December 27th, 2008 at 8:41 pm

    im 10 and my brother is 12 and my twin brother and sister is 6 and we all agree that every single one of the jokes were TERRIBLE!NOT EVEN KIS UNDER 13 ENJOY THESE JOKES.the comments were better.

    BTW the ralphy joke was hilarious. lol

  208. Nick Says:
    December 29th, 2008 at 6:25 pm

    The NASA and Russian joke was the funniest one!

    Amar, 7

  209. ZAMIR Says:
    December 30th, 2008 at 3:48 pm

    oh ive got a good one.

    SO a man who is 60 ears old getsa face lift. HE now looks like 40. So he goes aroung asking people if they can guess his age. The first place he goes is a mcdonalds. He asks a woman if she can gess his age. She says thirty nine. The man says i wish i were and tells her hes 60. He then goes to a bagel shop and asks a costomer. the costomer says 45. The man says no and tells him 60. Soon he goes to a subway station and asks an old lady. SHe says that she can tell what the age of a person is only by feeling his peni-. The guy wais for verybody to leave and then she does that. She then tells the man 60. The mn says how do you know! she tells him, i was standing behind you at mcdonalds, and quickly bords the train.

    I heard that back in London, when my mum took me to a comedy show! Heehee!

  210. morgan Says:
    December 31st, 2008 at 12:14 am

    that sucks none of those jokes are funny

  211. roxie Says:
    January 2nd, 2009 at 3:04 am

    AWESOME!!!! & funny

  212. Wild Bill Says:
    January 3rd, 2009 at 11:24 am

    Efficiancy Expert Joke-A couple was having dinner in a nice restaraunt,when they noticed that each of the waiters had a spoon in their shirt pocket.When they asked their waiter why,he explained that an efficiancy expert had determined that if they carried a spoon with them they would save a significant amount of time not going to the kitchen if someone dropped one. A while later they noticed that the waiters also had a string hanging out of their flys.When asked, the waiter explained that it was because they were told that when they went to the bathroom,if they tied the string to their private part they could use the string to remove it from their pants and then would’nt have to wash their hands, saving important time. Well OK, said the customer,but how do you get it back in your pants? Oh thats easy,says the waiter, we use the spoon.

  213. Wild Bill Says:
    January 3rd, 2009 at 11:44 am

    Come on now, That was pretty good.I think I deserve a round of applause. I’m saying The Efficiency Expert is new best joke. (And I’m spelling efficiency more better,too.)The hunting accident joke is a mighty joke, though.And the dog telegram was good.Thanks for a laugh.

  214. ya mum Says:
    January 5th, 2009 at 6:09 pm

    ur jokes are funny but some are just stupid. tri this the man walked in to a bar and said ooch lol na that was not funny but it was better than some of yours

  215. MuchoPingPong Says:
    January 5th, 2009 at 9:12 pm


    A man is in a desert, dehydrated and almost dried up, when he sees a stable up ahead. He crawls over to it and knocks on the door. A man comes out, sees the poor man and nurses him back to health. When the man is better the nice man loads up a horse with food and water and put the man on it. “Now, this horse is special.” he says. “To make him go, you say ‘thank god’ to make him stop, you say halleljuah. the man thanks him and leaves, while yelling thank god. After an hour of riding, he starts to see a cliff ledge ahead. thank god! he says. He forgets how you make the horse stop. thank god! thank god! he says but the horse keeps gaining speed.Then, a few feet from the edge, he remembers. HALLELJUAH! he screams, as the horse screeches to a halt, inches away from the cliif edge. “thank god” he says

  216. strangeone Says:
    January 14th, 2009 at 1:35 am

    two fish are in a tank. one turns to the other and says,
    “how do you drive this thing?”

  217. Matty Says:
    January 23rd, 2009 at 5:29 pm

    I was in a taxi and the driver was whistling and he had a grin on his face.
    ” i love this job ! I’m my own boss and i never get told what to do”
    i replied :
    “left here ! “

  218. seanjokesrnothis Says:
    January 24th, 2009 at 1:29 pm


    You did not make that joke up 2 days ago my 7th grade teacher told me that one.

  219. Jade Says:
    January 25th, 2009 at 9:38 am

    There are some funny jokes on here. i particularly liked the teacher one. everyone should stop complaining we all have different senses of humour.

  220. karen Says:
    January 27th, 2009 at 3:45 am

    A man is speeding and is pulled over by a cop

    cop says: sir im gona havta give you a tickit for speeding.

    man starts singing “21 today 21 today hey hoe meeadio 21 today!

    cop says: oh sir its your birthday ok ill let you off this once just dont let it happen again.

    man drives off and knocks down an old woman and starts to sing…. 22 today 22 today…….

  221. sammy and jayden Says:
    January 27th, 2009 at 10:44 am

    yo mamma so ugly when she stands on the beach the tide wont come in. yo mamma so fat when she gos to the zoo elephants start throwing peanuts at her. yo mamma so fat when she gos to the zoo she has to buy 2 tickets, one to get in one to get out. yo mamma so old when i tell her to act her age she dies. yo mamma so fat when she jumps for joy she gets stuck. yo mamma so stupid she invented the first yo mamma joke

  222. Bobster the Lobster Says:
    January 28th, 2009 at 4:23 pm

    Two guys are walkin’ down the street. They come across a dog, sitting on the corner, merrily licking his own “private parts.” The first guy says, “MAN! I wish *I* could do that!” The second guy replys, “Don’t you think you should PET him first?!)

  223. Hayden Crawford Says:
    January 31st, 2009 at 1:12 am

    LOL the one about the hunters was so funny. I literally rolled on the floor laughing at the one with the lady and her baby…hahaha

  224. KYLE Says:
    February 2nd, 2009 at 6:59 pm


  225. Lawz Says:
    February 3rd, 2009 at 3:36 pm

    I was yelling at my kid cousing the other day and he replied ” Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me..” so I threw a dictionary at him.

  226. sarai Says:
    February 3rd, 2009 at 5:09 pm

    I think all of these jokes are great once you get to think about them it just takes time. i think it is cool everyone has there own sense of humor.Everyone should

  227. lola martinez Says:
    February 3rd, 2009 at 8:50 pm

    dis is the worse jokes ever and i mean ever dudes this really lame

  228. Post3islul Says:
    February 5th, 2009 at 5:22 pm

    These jokes did not even make me smile, it’s epic FAIL. If you go up to post 1 & see the reply of post 3…I laughed so hard lulz

  229. jannah Says:
    February 6th, 2009 at 4:56 pm





  230. jannah Says:
    February 6th, 2009 at 5:01 pm



  231. Jonas Brothers Says:
    February 7th, 2009 at 9:57 am

    Some of these jokes are good. A few of them made us laugh.

  232. sanneshine Says:
    February 8th, 2009 at 9:41 pm

    Here are 2 jokes that made me laugh and i figured I’d share them with everyone:

    A man and woman just got married and were spending their first night together. They were both starting to undress and the man took his shoes and socks off first.
    The woman looked at his toes all red and curled in and asked, “What happened to your toes?”
    So he answered, “I suffered from a childhood disease called Tolio.”
    Woman: Don’t you mean Polio?
    Man: No, Tolio only affects the toes.

    Then they continue undressing and he takes his pants off and she notices that his knees are real ugly and crooked so she asks him what happened.
    Man: I also suffered from Kneasles.
    Woman: Don’t you mean Measles?
    Man: No, Kneasles. It only affects the knees.

    So finally he takes his underwear off and the wife takes one look and seems disappointed.
    Man: I CAN EXPLAIN!!!
    Woman: Don’t tell me…
    … You also had smallcox?

    Here is the 2nd joke I read a few years ago and thought it was pretty clever:

    Two doctors, a psychiatrist and a proctologist, opened an office in a small town…
    and put up a sign reading: “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors.”

    The town council was not happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it to read, “Schizoids and Hemorrhoids.” This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to “Catatonics and High Colonics.” No go.

    Next, they tried “Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives.” Thumbs down again.

    Then came “Minds and Behinds.” Still no good.

    Another attempt resulted in “Lost Souls and Butt Holes.”

    Unacceptable again! So they tried “Analysis and Anal Cysts.” Not a chance.

    “Nuts and Butts?” No way. “Freaks and Cheeks?” Still no go.

    “Loons and Moons?” Forget it.

    Almost at their wit’s end, the doctors finally came up with: “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends.”

    Everyone loved it.


  233. Sean Says:
    February 11th, 2009 at 11:15 pm

    Here I sit,
    All broken hearted,
    Came to Shit,
    But only farted.

  234. aritalya Says:
    February 12th, 2009 at 6:29 am

    wow, the comments r funnier than the jokes. especialy post 3. and i’m not kidding.

  235. Stevie Says:
    February 15th, 2009 at 8:26 pm

    I like them
    and the comments XD
    here’s one..
    there’s a girl on a bus, and she badly needs a fart. luckily for her, there is music on full blast. so she farts and then her favourite song comes on, and she farts to the beat of the song. while she is farting her stop is coming up so she stands up and notices everyone looking at her. she suddenly remembers she has her iPod in :L

  236. Blah Says:
    February 16th, 2009 at 12:28 am

    There was a blonde who came outside looked in her mailbox and slammed it shut. A few minutes later she did it again. The third time she did it her neighbor asked her what she was doing. She replied “My stupid computer keeps telling me ‘You’ve got mail’. Hehehehehehahahahahahehehe

  237. Chris L. Says:
    February 24th, 2009 at 3:09 am

    there was three girls a blonde a brunette and a red head the were getting chased by the cops so down the road away from the cops they see a factory and so they pull over and hide the car the girls go in and find three sacks one full of cats one full of dogs and one full of potatoe the brunette jumps in the dogs the red head jumps in the cats and the blonde jumps in the potatoes so the cops see the car and the factory so they go in and search the factory and they find the sacs and the cops kick the dogs the brunette goes woof woof so there like o.k. and then they kick the cats and the red head goes meow and there like o.k. so they kick the sac full of potatoes and the blonde goes potato

  238. Anonymous Says:
    February 24th, 2009 at 11:57 am

    im speechless

  239. di3h4rdh4ck3r Says:
    February 24th, 2009 at 9:13 pm

    sean, your joke is exquisitly retarded

  240. burnzey Says:
    February 27th, 2009 at 5:28 am

    wots the deffanition of noise
    a skeloton havin a wank in a dust bin

  241. burnzey Says:
    February 27th, 2009 at 5:30 am

    i would tell u the joke about the butter but u myte spread it

    i would tell u the joke about the wall but u myte not get over it

  242. burnzey Says:
    February 27th, 2009 at 5:33 am

    a termite walks into a bar ands says is the bar tender here

  243. Anonymous Says:
    February 27th, 2009 at 4:47 pm

    three chickens get shot

  244. zak Says:
    March 3rd, 2009 at 2:41 pm

    what do you do if a blond throws a grenade at you.

    take the pin out and lob it back

  245. FishFIn Says:
    March 3rd, 2009 at 8:02 pm

    Why would a factory have sacks of dogs/cats/potatoes?! That has got to be hands-down the stupidest “joke” I have ever wasted my time reading! wow – so, so, so stupid!

    Here’s one for those of us who aren’t brain dead..

    A lawyer drives by a park in his limo and sees two men on their hands and knees eating grass. He tells the driver to pull over, rolls down his window and yells out,

    “hey, why are you eating this grass?”
    The first man replies
    “it’s the recession, we’ve hit hard times and have no money, yet we need to eat something”
    so the lawyer tells them to get into his car to come back to his place for dinner. The men point back towards the park and tell the lawyer that their families are out there also grazing on the grass. The lawyer tells the men to bring them along too! So they all pile into the back of the limo and one of the happy men pipes up…
    “I don’t know why people say all these mean nasty things about lawyers – you’re just about the nicest guy ever, to offer all of us a meal at your home sir!”
    To which the lawyer replies…
    “it’s a win-win situation for everyone. You all get to eat to your hearts contents, and I won’t have to mow my lawn this week”

  246. shauna Says:
    March 3rd, 2009 at 8:38 pm

    this is lame but what do you call cheese thats not yours?

    nacho cheese get it not cho cheese hahaha no not really

  247. na Says:
    March 4th, 2009 at 7:30 pm

    that was funny whoeva didnt thik so r some hater or they might be depressed it was still funny

  248. Anonymous Says:
    March 6th, 2009 at 6:03 pm

    thers an american, a french and an Australian . The american says we build big and we build fast we built the empire state building in 6weeks. Then the frenchman says we build big and we build fast we built the ifoll tower in 2 weeks. Then the american turns to the australian and says hey what do you have . and the australian says I don’t know probably nothing . The american then says what about that brigde. Indecateing the Sydney harbour brigde outside the window.The australian looks over his shoulders and says I don’t know it wasn’t the yesterday

  249. Cornholio Says:
    March 12th, 2009 at 8:30 am

    wo unemployed guys are talking. One says, “I’m going to become a lion tamer.”The other replies, “That’s crazy, you don’t know nothing about no lion taming.”"Yes I do!”"Well, OK, answer me this. When one of those lions comes at you all roaring and biting, what you gonna do?”"Well, then I take that big chair they all carry, and I stick it in his face until he backs down.”"Well, what if the lion takes that big paw, and hooks the chair with them big claws, and throws that chair out of the cage? What do you do then?”"Well, then I takes that whip they all carry, and I whip him and whip him until he backs down.”"Well, what if that lion bites that whip with his big teeth, and bites it in two? What you gonna do then?”"Well, then I take that gun they all carry, and I shoot him.”"Well, what if that gun doesn’t work? What will you do then?”"Well, then I pick up some of the shit that’s on the bottom of the cage, and I throw it in his eyes, and I run out ofthe cage.”"Well, what if there ain’t no shit in the bottom of the cage? What you gonna do then?”"Well, that’s dumb. Cause if that lion comes at me, and he throws the chair out of the cage, and he bites the whip in two, and my gun don’t work, there’s going to be some shit on the bottom of that cage, you can bet on that.”

  250. Cornholio Says:
    March 12th, 2009 at 8:31 am

    Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife wasreally pissed.She told him “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in thedriveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!”The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife wokeup, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a boxgift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, broughtthe box back in the house.She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.Bob has been missing since Friday.

  251. Cornholio Says:
    March 12th, 2009 at 8:32 am

    A man bought a donkey from a preacher. The preacher told the man that this donkey had been trained in a very unique way, (being the donkey of a preacher). The only way to make the donkey go, was to say, “Hallelujah!” The only way to make the donkey stop, was to say, “Amen!”
    The man was pleased with his purchase and immediately got on the animal to try out the preacher’s instructions. “Hallelujah!” shouted the man. The donkey began to trot. “Amen!” shouted the man. The donkey stopped immediately. “This is great!” said the man. With a “Hallelujah,” he rode off very proud of his new purchase.
    The man traveled for a long time through some mountains. Soon he was heading toward a cliff. He could not remember the word to make the donkey stop. “Stop,” said the man. “Halt!” he cried. The donkey just kept going. “Oh, no… Bible!….Church!…Please Stop!!” shouted the man. The donkey just began to trot faster. He was getting closer and closer to the cliff edge. Finally, in desperation, the man said a prayer. “Please, dear Lord. Please make this donkey stop before I go off the end of this mountain, In Jesus name, AMEN.”
    The donkey came to an abrupt stop just one step from the edge of the cliff.
    “HALLELUJAH!”, shouted the man.

  252. Cornholio Says:
    March 12th, 2009 at 8:33 am

    How to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity

    1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

    2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don’t Disguise Your Voice.

    3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

    4. Put Your rubbish bin On Your Desk And Label It ‘In.’

    5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks
    Once Everyone is Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

    6. In The Memo Field Of All Your cheques, Write ‘For Smuggling Diamonds’

    7. Finish All Your sentences with ‘In Accordance With The Prophecy.’

    8. Don t use any punctuation

    9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

    10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

    11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is ‘To Go.’

    12. Sing Along At The Opera.

    13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don’t Rhyme?

    14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.

    15. Have Your colleagues address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

    16. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream ‘I Won!, I Won!’

    17. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The car park, Yelling
    ‘Run For Your Lives, They’re Loose!!’

    18. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. ‘Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.’

    And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity…….

    Send This E-mail To Someone To Make Them Smile.
    Its Called ……. Therapy

  253. Cornholio Says:
    March 12th, 2009 at 8:36 am

    Cop pulls over a taxi.

    Cop says: “License please.”

    Taxi driver says: “What for?”

    Cop: “You didn’t come to a complete stop at the stop sign.”

    Taxi driver: “I slowed down, and no one was coming.”

    Cop: “You still didn’t come to a complete stop. License please.”

    Taxi driver: “What’s the difference?”

    Cop: “The difference is you have to come to a complete stop, that’s the law. License please!”

    Taxi driver: “Heish … if you can show me the difference between slow down and stop, I’ll give you my license and you give me the ticket, if not you let me go and no ticket.”

    Cop says: “Exit your vehicle, sir.”

    The taxi driver gets out of his taxi, whereupon the cop takes out his knuppel and starts beating the taxi driver and says: “you want me to stop or just slow down?”

  254. Cornholio Says:
    March 12th, 2009 at 8:36 am

    Gas Attack
    A woman goes to her boyfriend’s parents’ house for dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty little fart. It wasn’t loud, but everyone at the table heard the poot. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend’s father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the women’s feet, and said in a rather stern voice, “Ginger!” The woman thought, “this is great!” and a big smile came across her face. A couple minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn’t even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip. The father again looked at the dog and yelled, “dammit Ginger!” Once again the woman smiled and thought, “yes!” A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn’t even think about it. She let rip with a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing. Again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, “dammit Ginger, get away from her before she craps on you!”

  255. Cornholio Says:
    March 12th, 2009 at 8:37 am

    A woman pregnant with triplets is walking down the street when a masked robber runs out the bank and shoots her three times in the stomach. Luckily the babies are okay. The surgeon decides to leave the bullets in because it’s too risky to operate. All is fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walks into the room in tears. “What’s wrong” asks the mother. “I was taking pee and this bullet came out” replies the daughter. The mother tells her it’s okay and explains what happened 16 years ago. About a week later the second daughter walks in to the room in tears. “Mom, I was taking pee and this bullet came out”. Again the mother tells her not to worry and explains what happened 16 years ago. A week later the boy walks into the room in tears. “It’s okay” says the mom, “I know what happened, you were taking a pee and a bullet came out.” “Not exactly,” says the boy. “And the bullet bounced off the ceiling and shot the dog.”

  256. bigdaddykololnesss Says:
    March 13th, 2009 at 5:12 pm

    these jokes are the funniest jokes but here is one for ya

    yo mamma so small that she uses a teabag as a pillow
    and whenever she sits on the sidewalk her feet dangle in the air

  257. AMY Says:
    March 13th, 2009 at 6:44 pm





  258. ashley Says:
    March 16th, 2009 at 2:29 pm

    This is my all time fav joke….
    there once was 3 girls name lily, daisy, and cinderblock. lily asked her dad why she was named lily, he dad said “because a rose pedal dropped on your head. daisy asked her dad why she was named daisy and he said ” because a diasy pedal dropped on ur head” then cinderblock came along and said der duh der duh der. her dad said ” shut up cinderblock.

  259. IMMATURE Says:
    March 17th, 2009 at 1:50 am

    Okay, usually I don’t make comments on pages like this … but something SERIOUSLY caught my eye…obviously some of these jokes people aren’t going to think is funny.. or just simply not get them so obviously their not funny then… but people are coming to this site to get a good laugh… not to argue so all you immature people jus HUSH IT and don’t even waste your time… So what if you don’t think a joke is funny??? Obviously the person who posted it thinks it is.. it’s not like there just going to take the time out of their lives to write something dumb? This is a joke itself… people arguing on the funniest jokes page… haha ya’ll are silly…

  260. Mr.Bojangles Says:
    March 19th, 2009 at 7:33 pm

    I got a funny joke….

    A blind man with a seeing eye dog walks into a store.Then,the blind man starts to swing the dog around in the air!The manager walks up and sys “Sir!what are you doing!” the blind man replys, “OH!JUst “looking around.”

  261. spinka Says:
    March 20th, 2009 at 4:54 pm

    i have a joke “Why did the skeliton not go to the disco?” You’ll never guesse.”because he had no body to go with” ha ha ha ha thats one of the best jokes ever are atleast better than this websites jokes lol oh i got a even better joke… THIS WEBSITE

  262. kwazy Says:
    March 20th, 2009 at 5:09 pm

    A woman walks into a bar with a duck under her arm – says to the bartender, “I’d like a scotch and soda.”
    The bartender, barely looking up as he wipes the bar replies, “Sorry, we don’t allow pigs in the bar.”
    The woman, full of righteous indignation, retorts, “This, my good man, is NOT a pig – it is a DUCK!”
    To which he responds, “I know! I was talking to the duck!”

  263. ={ Says:
    March 20th, 2009 at 8:37 pm

    I personally think the jokes are ok…….hehhehe try keeping a straight face sayin that one

  264. monkey Says:
    March 21st, 2009 at 4:59 pm

    these jokes r hilariouse evry 1 hu sez they rnt can go n find out how stupid they r !!!

  265. butthead Says:
    March 24th, 2009 at 2:36 am

    cornholio, u’re jokes are the best! I had a good laugh!!

  266. Jim Says:
    March 25th, 2009 at 5:33 pm

    This guy calls 911. The dispatcher answers and says, 911 How can I help you? The guy in a southern draw says, my wife got attacked by a wild boar and i need your help. The dispatcher asks for his address, he says 123 Eucalyptus Dr.Then the dispatcher says, can you spell that. There is a pause and he says I’m going to drag her on over to Oak St.

  267. jessica Says:
    March 25th, 2009 at 5:53 pm

    none of yall are funny ok here is a good joke your mama so fat when see steped on a talkin scale it said to be continued

  268. Danno (steve-o) Says:
    March 27th, 2009 at 7:37 pm

    Oh! No! Immature Im sorry! My other comments did not go through. All i was saying is that your comment was awsome ad if you were a girl I would like you as date because most girls who ask me i say no because of their type.

  269. Danno (steve-o) Says:
    March 27th, 2009 at 7:55 pm

    Ah man! My Joke was a page long but funny it took me all night to remember it! Thats no funny! Well here it goes, Check this out!

    One Day Little Davy was in class one day and the teacher was grading papers she all of a sudden jumped up with a red face “IF ANY ONE IN THIS CLASS THINKS THEY’RE STUPID STAND UP!” No one stood up for three minutes the teacher stood there waiting towering over the class taping her toes in impatience. Davy stood up. The teacher looked at him and opened her mouth wide. “Davy you’re the only kid in this class that might make a decent scholarship in high school from the grades you get now! YOU HAVE STRAIT A’s!” Davy looked up, “Oh i know im smart.” “Oh.” The teacher said. “The why did you stand up?!?” Davy looked at her trying to hold off a smile. “You were the only one standing up teacher Lacy, I felt sorry for you, You were the only one that was stupid.”

    This used up a whole page(this website comment size!) Funny joke huh? No it took me a while to figure it out, like two seconds. Hah!Hah! Later

  270. Danno (steve-o) Says:
    March 27th, 2009 at 8:03 pm

    Like what Immature said, Some of these comments are like none of you that give lame comments have no life like you, Jessica or Morgan You guyes have no since of humor and you just can’t get over the fact that you want to fit in to the crowd that seems cool because they say retarded crapped up comments that tick me off get a job I suggest RESPECTING OTHERS JERKS!

  271. Wonderswhyidiotsonthesite Says:
    March 27th, 2009 at 10:28 pm

    I just wonder why some idiots are saying those jokes aren’t funny, then again i guess it’s not their fault if there retarded, or four year olds.

    Honestly people, don’t say the jokes aren’t funny just because you don’t get them, if you don’t get them that doesn’t make them not funny, just beyond you.

    Here’s an alright joke…

    A man and a women have been married 75 years, and for their anniversary they go out for a nice dinner. During the dinner the man asks the women

    “I couldn’t help but notice our 15th child looked a little different from all the rest, now we’ve had 75 wonderful years together, and nothing you can say will take that away, or make me stop loving you, so tell me honestly, did our 15th child have a different father?”

    The woman hides her face in shame and says “Yes”

    The man is slightly shocked, so he asks “Who was it??”

    The woman looks up, tears in her eyes and says “You”

  272. =Danny in California>+ Says:
    March 28th, 2009 at 8:19 pm

    Hey, when I was looking on this sight i saw that alot of people repeated other peoples jokes; just diffrently said. Weird, Listen to this.

    Two blondes are laying on a Caligornian beach

    1 Blonde: Which one is further? The sun or Florida?

    2 blonde: Duh, you can see the sun.

  273. hahaha Says:
    March 28th, 2009 at 10:25 pm


  274. hahaha Says:
    March 28th, 2009 at 10:31 pm

    yo mama so ugly when she was born the doctor looked at her face and butt ans said they were twins.

  275. joseph Says:
    March 28th, 2009 at 10:59 pm

    allthese jokes are funny the coments are stupid i hate the comments hers a joke a guy is robbing a house a heares jesus is waching you and he keeps going then he heres it agien and moves on then heres it agien and turns around and sees a parret and the parret says hi im mosses and the guy says what kind of person would name you mosses and the parret says tha same person that named there bulldog jesus

  276. Anonymous Says:
    March 29th, 2009 at 7:03 am

    man walks into a bar ouch! P.S the German one has to be the worst one on the page closely followed by the Begum one leave the joke telling to the British and maybe the Americans if they stop making tv shows like Scrubs, my name is erl and family guy

  277. notfunny Says:
    March 29th, 2009 at 7:42 pm

    these jokes arnt funny !!!!

  278. John Says:
    March 29th, 2009 at 11:26 pm

    My wife had just left for work, and I was getting ready to leave. As I was about to turn the radio off, I heard a traffic update- ‘URGENT, Please avoid the M4 motorway at all costs, as some idiot is driving down the wrong way’. Knowing that was roughly where my wife was, I quickly phoned her to warn her.
    Me:’Hi babe, get off the motorway, there is some lunalic driving down the wrong way!’
    Wife: ‘ONE!! there are hundreds of them!!’

  279. RAD Says:
    March 30th, 2009 at 11:28 am

    LOL! here’s a joke! A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

    As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

    Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”

    To which she replied, “There certainly is!”

    My stupid computer keeps saying, “You’ve got mail!”

  280. RAD Says:
    March 30th, 2009 at 11:31 am

    LOL! here’s another one! There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he’d give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

    The lawyer first asked, “What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?”

    Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, “What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?”

    Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00

    The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, “What is the answer to your question?”

    Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.

  281. lol im funny Says:
    March 30th, 2009 at 9:10 pm

    a guy was on a plane and blonde flight attendant came to him and asked “would u like something to eat?” then he asked “wat r my options?” and she said “yes or no”
    if u dont get it—–she was saying his options were yes or no wile he wanted to know wat they were serving
    (//_-) =P

  282. Anonymous Says:
    March 30th, 2009 at 11:51 pm

    leme rephrase this so it will get posted…

    “these mentally challenged jokes are so fecal mattery”

  283. aimee Says:
    March 31st, 2009 at 1:57 pm

    i think the joke were the mam gets into the bus and man says child is ugly tat one its brill cos it is lol

  284. =Danny in California>+ Says:
    April 1st, 2009 at 12:49 am

    Oh God! Joseph you killed that joke! I came up with that joke and I had no idea what you were talking about! Brothers! Sheesh!

  285. Demi Lovato ; ) Says:
    April 1st, 2009 at 12:59 am

    That comment ws harsh about Anonymous! OMG what kind of web site is this? Where you go and cuss out other commenters. That have the right to say what they want to say oh yeah My name is erl is stupid:(

  286. =Danny in California>+ Says:
    April 2nd, 2009 at 2:57 am

    HEy Danno (stupid name!) You joke was retarded! And joseph Oh My Gosh! What kinda lame joke was that! “Ehat kidof people name ther bird moses name their “bulldog” wwhich 9 out 0f ten chance will not attack anyone Jesus!?!” What the most stupidest punch line in the history of the world!

  287. Anonymous Says:
    April 2nd, 2009 at 3:18 am


  288. blackbeard Says:
    April 2nd, 2009 at 3:35 pm

    A pirate walks into a bar.
    The bartender points at his crotch and asks, “Hey, I couldn’t help but notice that you have a wooden steering wheel sticking out of your pants.”
    The pirate replies, “Argh, it’s driving me nuts!”

  289. blackbeard Says:
    April 2nd, 2009 at 3:36 pm

    please use a pirate accent when telling the pirate’s part

  290. mike Says:
    April 3rd, 2009 at 12:22 pm

    haha alot of the things people sayon here are funny but to the ones who dont like the jokes.go on with your day!

  291. GOT-YA! Says:
    April 5th, 2009 at 4:01 am

    Man RAD you did it! You succsessfully copied and killed a joke! If you look higher to Blah’s comment (it’s Joke 234) You screwed it up! MAn! And your other joke The layer one check joke 155 you will see that you copied and srewed that one up too. Ah yes Ashley(256) I see you copied joke 49 and screwed it up. Cinderblock!?! are you stupid!?!

  292. GOT-YA! Says:
    April 5th, 2009 at 4:11 am

    Hey! alot of people repeat other jokes thinking that we will think thay you copiers came up with it first! Stop! I made up 43 % of this sight! I’m up to your games I can tell what your intensions are. IM NOT STUPID!

  293. GOT-YA! Says:
    April 5th, 2009 at 4:25 am

    Dude, sad story even though I could almost barley understand what you wrote.

  294. Jack Says:
    April 5th, 2009 at 7:21 am

    Q: Why did the old man fall off his bicycle?

    A: Because somebody threw a fridge at him

  295. chekers Says:
    April 5th, 2009 at 7:01 pm

    these are really funny jokes…. i like them all, but my favorite one is the one about the doctor an the girl’s eyesight……and my favorite comment joke is from sean who is #4…halarious

  296. mike Says:
    April 6th, 2009 at 12:45 pm

    i tried that poop joke on my cousin and he started laughing like a mad scientist. like boahahahahahahahaaaaaaa

  297. Anonymous Says:
    April 6th, 2009 at 9:47 pm

    didnt laugh once

  298. Anonymous Says:
    April 7th, 2009 at 11:06 pm

    The pirate joke is the best (Comment 287). It’s so ridiculously stupid.

  299. Anonymous Says:
    April 7th, 2009 at 11:16 pm

    A Native American Joke from South Park:
    Pony and Coyote walk up mountain to talk with Eagle. Pony says to Eagle, “Can you yell at Coyote for me?”. Eagle asks, “Why not yell yourself?”. Pony says, “I’m a little hoarse”.

  300. desde Says:
    April 8th, 2009 at 6:23 pm

    omg whats wrong with yall these jokes r CORNY!!!!!!! the fact that so many ppl actually looked up this site and were so bored that they actually took time out of their lives to comment and put WORSE jokes …i find it funny that your parents love u and yea im on here too put i got this throgh facebook so im exempt

  301. nick Says:
    April 8th, 2009 at 10:56 pm

    whats blue and smells like red paint?

    Blue paint. you would be surprised with the amount of people that dont come up with the answer

  302. srison kadariya Says:
    April 9th, 2009 at 10:17 am

    i like this jokes so much.Thanks for this.Bye for now.
    @ @
    - –
    – -
    – -

  303. Timothy Medlin Says:
    April 10th, 2009 at 3:17 am

    hey numbnuts at #4 that is an old joke, you didn’t make it up,that’s a lowdown thing to do, you probably saw that on Big Trouble, which was written by DAve Barry by the way, in short you’re a liar…

  304. Jared Says:
    April 10th, 2009 at 9:11 pm

    Here’s the thing. To all those who said, “whoever made this site is dumb. Those jokes aren’t funny. etc,” did you read the article? Those are the jokes that according to a survey scored the highest among participants. Yes, they’re bland. But they are funny. Simple, unoffensive, but funny. Different things go into whether someone considers a joke funny. For instance, many people will automatically deem a joke “unfunny” if it offends them.

    Possibly the most perfect joke I’ve ever heard:

    Why can’t Helen Keller drive?
    Because she’s a woman.

    This joke is so simple, but it uses the essence of comedy incredibly well. Especially misdirection. Of course it may also be a little offensive to some people. Those would not give a joke like that a high score/call it funny.

  305. biggins Says:
    April 12th, 2009 at 8:03 am

    here is a funny joke?plz leave comments(nice ones)

    A man and a girrafe walk into a bar and ask the bar man for a couple of drinks.A couple of hours later the girrafe goes over the top and passes out because he had to many drinks the the bar man walks up to the man who was with the girrafe and says”why’s that lying on the floor” the replies “it aint a lion mate its a girrafe!”

  306. Steph Says:
    April 13th, 2009 at 8:27 pm

    very funny good work

  307. John Says:
    April 13th, 2009 at 11:48 pm

    What did the three frogs say to each other when they crossed the road? ‘Watch out for the ….. what ….. that ….. ‘

    ps; you can swap the ….. with blip/squash/mash souds when saying it.

  308. Will Says:
    April 16th, 2009 at 5:27 am

    Cool Joke!

  309. Anonymous Says:
    April 16th, 2009 at 5:30 am

    Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road…..He didn’t have the guts.

  310. sydney Says:
    April 17th, 2009 at 4:00 pm

    worst jokes ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  311. bengalboy928 Says:
    April 19th, 2009 at 3:48 pm

    WOW, i have pity on you guys……

    so there is Barak Obama, Bill Clinton, and John McCain are in a limo together.

    Suddeny a huge tornado picks them up and flings them off to another world.

    Barak Obama gets out of the limo and says

    Obama- “We must be in the land of Oz! maybe i can go the wizard and he can give me a Brain!”

    Then McCain gets out and says

    McCain-”Ya!, maybe he can give me a Heart!!!”

    Then Clinton gets out and says

    Clinton- “Where the hell is Dorthy?”

  312. bengalboy928 Says:
    April 19th, 2009 at 4:08 pm

    Alright, this is another version of the hunting one….

    there are two buddies hunting together and one of them says to the other

    “ya know, we should really be wearing blaze orange clothes so that other hunters know that we are here.”

    “Na, we’ll be fine trust me”

    so the first guuy agrees and slings his gun over his shoulder.

    All of a sudden there is a shot heard and the buddy in front wildley turns around and says:

    “did ya get one buddy!!!”

    Then he looks down and sees his friend lying on the ground moaning.

    He calls 911 and tells the operator

    “HELP! HELP! my little buddy! i think i shot my little buddy!!”

    So the operator is calm and tells the man to reamin calm.
    “Alright, what you need to do is make sure that he is dead.”

    so he sets down the phone and….BANG!!!

    “Alright now what do i do?”

  313. bengalboy928 Says:
    April 19th, 2009 at 4:13 pm

    Please comment on my jokes! that would be greatt!

  314. GooseyGirl Says:
    April 19th, 2009 at 7:59 pm

    Aw, come on, guys. Lighten up! I think these jokes are pretty funny, and civilized enough. Here’s one, but it kinda sux.

    When the zoo’s most famous gorilla, Nana, died, the zoo knew they would lose profits, so they hired somebody to act as a gorilla. The person would get lots of cash to wear a gorilla suit and jump around.

    Unfortunately, a lion got out of its cage, and leapt into “Nana”‘s, much to the actor’s horror.
    He decided to give up the act and try to save his life.
    “Please, please! Someone help me, the lion’s going to kill me!”

    And then the lion said,
    “Shut up, or we’ll both get sacked!”
    It sucks, I know.
    And I also dislike “the duck song” at the top of the page, it’s too slow-moving.

  315. GooseyGirl Says:
    April 19th, 2009 at 8:04 pm

    Another one! It’s pretty rude, though…

    A psychiatrist called three women in for a test with their children. After long hours of testing, he found a serious obsession in all of the mothers.

    He told the first, “you have a severe obsession with food. You called your daughter Candy!”

    He told the second, “you are freakishly obsessed with money; you named your daughter Penny!”

    Before the third mother could be told what her obsession was, she lead her son out of the office,m saying, “We don’t need to hear this, Dick.”

    It’s very inappropriate, but kind of funny.
    And I have nothing against those names, I actually like them.

  316. GooseyGirl Says:
    April 19th, 2009 at 8:17 pm

    Okay, listen, I’m not repeating this joke from further up, I am just editing it. I found that I recognized the general idea, but it was hard to read for spelling mistakes, so (because I’m a control freak) I am going to re-write it.

    A burglar entered a house, and started to pocket a bronze vase, when he heard, “Jesus is watching you, thief!”

    Ignoring it, he proceeded to take a silver plate, when he heard it again; “Jesus is watching you, thief!”

    He turned around anxiously, while grabbing a golden nugget, but he heard it again!
    “Jesus is watching you, thief!”

    “Okay, that’s it”, he said in frustration. “Who is saying that?”
    “I am!” said the voice behind him, and the burglar swivelled to see a tiny, cute little budgie.
    “What’s your name?” he said to the budgie.
    “What kind of owner would call a budgie that?”
    And the budgie replied,
    “The same kind of owner that would call their 50-pound Rottweiler Jesus!”


  317. GooseyGirl Says:
    April 19th, 2009 at 8:20 pm

    Here’s a rude one.

    A couple had already given birth to two beautiful, blonde, blue-eyed baby girls with cherubic faces, but their third child was a rubber-faced, wailing little brat.
    The husband confronted the wife about this.
    “Hey, have you been cheating on me?”
    The wife said smugly, “Not this time.”

  318. Storm Says:
    April 22nd, 2009 at 8:43 pm

    Omg the frist joke was as funny as hell

  319. squid Says:
    April 23rd, 2009 at 10:45 pm

    haha damn i love 85 i think it was. the one about the dog and vikings. haha!

  320. la3mendayoma Says:
    April 24th, 2009 at 10:45 am

    you people are the funniest wow i almost cried by laughingh

  321. yometa Says:
    April 24th, 2009 at 10:47 am

    those jokes really suck

  322. Hot girl Says:
    April 28th, 2009 at 12:56 am

    all these are peoples talents and i like it

  323. blahblah Says:
    April 28th, 2009 at 8:25 pm

    i have a joke……
    a blonde was driving recklessly along the road and a policeman stopped her saying, “Miss, why are you driving recklessly along the road?”
    And the blonde said, “Because sir, everywhere I look there is a tree in my way.”
    “Ma’am,” said the policeman, “that’s your air freshner.”


  324. HONEY_14344 Says:
    April 29th, 2009 at 10:00 am

    they are good but not all jokes in here….

    i love jokes i i have read a lots of jokes. i think this are to alds.. they not the funniest i’ve ever read. i will post some jokes when i’ll cmoe back… i’m sleepy after reading this jokes…. lol

  325. jokemasta69 Says:
    April 30th, 2009 at 1:37 pm

    here’s a good joke 4 u.. a bear and a rabbit were walking in the forrest and they find a lamp. The bear picks it up and rubs it and a genie pops out of it. The genie says ” you both may have three wishes each. The bear says “Me first! I wish that all the beasrs in this forrest were girls!” and the genie grants it. The rabbit says ” i wish i had a fast motorcyle!” The genie grants it. The bears then says, “I wish all the bears in this country were girls except me!” It’s granted. The rabbit says “I wish i had a helmet for my motorcyle.” The genie grants the wish. For the bears last wish he says, “I wish all the bears in the universe were girls except for me!” the rabbit quickly responds, “I wish that bear was gay.” HAHAHA!!!

  326. RANDOM Says:
    May 2nd, 2009 at 7:32 pm

    personally, I think that the funniest part of this page is the conflict between people who like the jokes and those who dont. Anyway, here’s a blonde joke (not to anyone’s offense):

    A man was out washing his car on a sunny day. his neighbor, a blone woman, came out side to her mailbox, opened it, frowned, and closed it before walking inside. 15 minutes later, she checked her mail again only to find that it was empty. After continually doing this, the man finally asked her, “Why do you keep checking your mail?”
    She replied, “Well, my computer keeps saying that I have mail, but when I check it there is none!”

  327. ABIG ONE Says:
    May 3rd, 2009 at 1:28 pm

    why did the turkey cross the road

    because he wasnt a chicken

  328. ABIG ONE Says:
    May 3rd, 2009 at 1:36 pm

    A blonde a burneete and a redhead all die to go to heavan they have to go up 100 staircases someone tells them a joke on every staircase if they laugh they go to hell the redhead laughs on the first one the burnette laughs on the 67th one the blone laughs on the 99th on before they tell her the joke they ask why she laughed she says I just got the first joke.

  329. so fly Says:
    May 7th, 2009 at 8:07 pm

    Heres some jks
    if a Blonde throws a grenade at u wat do u do
    i know pull the pin and throw it back

    an american guy a russian guy and a blonde was walkin down the road and the american guy said we were the 1st one to walk on the moon the the russian dude said oh yea we were the 1st ones in space and the blonde said oh yea im goin to be the 1st one on the sun they looked at the blonde and said u retard u cant go to the sun she said yes huh im goin at NIGHT!!!!
    tell me if u think its funny no offense if ur a blonde

  330. chasady quinn Says:
    May 8th, 2009 at 11:58 am

    what vegetable might you find in the basement?

  331. Starfish Says:
    May 8th, 2009 at 1:51 pm

    If u have read dis far; u r a stupid comp nerd and Hi!

  332. scarlett Says:
    May 10th, 2009 at 6:53 am

    A woman goes to a plastic surgeon. She says, “I want to tighten the skin on my face.”
    The surgeon says, “Well we have a new device called the knob. We attach a knob to the top of your head and any time you want to tighten your skin, just turn the knob and you’ll look 10 years younger instantly.”
    Years pass and the knob works perfectly for the woman. Everytime she notices wrinkles, she twists the knob and tightens her skin. However one day the woman comes back to the surgeon with some problems. She says, “I’ve used the knob for years and I’ve never had any complaints with it, but I have 2 problems. Firstly, I can’t seem to get rid of these bags under my eyes…”
    The doctor examines the bags closely and says after a few minutes, “Hmmm those bags under your eyes are in fact your breasts.”
    After a minute the woman sighs and says, “well I guess there’s no point asking about the goatee then…”

  333. jasmine Says:
    May 10th, 2009 at 7:20 am

    a newlywed couple are in their hotel room on their wedding night. Before things start heating up the man says, “Listen honey, theres’s something I wanna make clear to you…”
    The woman asks what.
    He says, “I want you to wear my pants”
    The woman looks puzzled, but does it anyway. Obviously they were way too big for her. She laughs and says “Babes, I can’t fit into your pants…”
    He replies, “Exactly. So don’t ever try to”
    After making his point he leans in for a kiss.
    She pauses and says, “Actually, I want you to wear my pants too.”
    He looks puzzled but does it anyway. They were obviously too small for him. He laughs and says, “This is ridiculous, I can’t get into you pants…”
    “Yep,” she replies, “and that’s the way it’s gonna be until you change your mind.”

  334. .__. Says:
    May 13th, 2009 at 4:45 am

    wowow.. did anyone actually realise that the comments box is alot more better than the actual jokes??? someone should just come up with a website with one comment box only. it will be the BEST JOKE SITE EVER!!!

  335. Mister Sunshine Says:
    May 13th, 2009 at 1:42 pm

    A blonde and a brunette are racing up a bumpy road on their way to rob a bank. While bumping up and down, the brunette turns to the blonde, who is driving, and says, “you should slow down, I don’t want all the dynamite in the boot to explode”. At this the blonde turns to the brunette and says, “Oh, it’s OK. If that happens, I’ve got some spare under my seat”

  336. Mister Sunshine Says:
    May 13th, 2009 at 1:45 pm

    A group of blondes and a brunette are dangling from a rope over a large chasm, and with no strength to climb up, they admit that they are doomed.
    The brunette, the leader, makes a great and terrific speech.
    And the blondes clap.

  337. Jimmy procter Says:
    May 15th, 2009 at 2:33 am

    What did the big chimney say to the little chimney, Ure to young to smoke

  338. Anonymous Says:
    May 16th, 2009 at 5:54 am

    not rellay funny

  339. Chris Says:
    May 17th, 2009 at 5:19 am

    To be honest, the funniest joke i ever heard was this: “Q: Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? A: To get to the bottom!”

    Not funny right. Try reading a joke book, finding this joke, and not getting it for 3 years

  340. Wow Says:
    May 17th, 2009 at 8:05 pm

    I was reading this b/c i like to laugh, but i was definitely not laughing. heres a joke my friend told me:

    A guy is driving down the highway at about 20 mph and he gets pulled over by a cop. the cop asked him why he is going so slow and he says “well right over there, the sign says 20!” the cop answered him, “sir, that says route 20.” the guy driving says oh, oops. then the cop asked what happened to the people in the back seat because their faces were screwed up and their hair was sticking straight back. the guy answered him “well, we just got off of route 280!”

    ha ha, thats a funny one!!!

  341. Dean Says:
    May 18th, 2009 at 5:44 pm

    There are way too many comments. And yes the jokes aren’t that funny but yes I did get a laugh out of them because I understand them. The comments are ok but some people should just not own a computer.

  342. Mitch the entertainer Says:
    May 18th, 2009 at 6:56 pm

    Why do people call them seaguls?

    Cause if they flew over the bay they would be called bayguls!!!

  343. Mitch the entertainer Says:
    May 18th, 2009 at 7:00 pm

    Chuck norris can blow a bubble with beef jerkey!!

  344. Dan Says:
    May 21st, 2009 at 10:42 am

    Chuck Norris can kill 2 stones with one bird

  345. Dan Says:
    May 21st, 2009 at 10:48 am

    Chuck Norris CAN believe it’s butter!

  346. Dingding Says:
    May 21st, 2009 at 11:12 am

    There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. On the island they found a genie who granted them a wish each. The brunette wished to be back home. The redhead wished the same. So the genie granted their wish and they were gone. Then the blonde said to the genie:
    “I want my friends back.”

  347. thultimate Says:
    May 21st, 2009 at 1:48 pm

    Martin Levine, owner of a movie theater chain in New York City, has passed away at age 65,” the newspaper obit read. “The funeral will be held on Thursday at 2:10, 4:20, 6:30, 8:40 and 10:50.

  348. AJ Says:
    May 23rd, 2009 at 11:37 am

    This is the story of Jon Godby.

    Jon has spent five years traveling all around the world making a documentary on Native dances. At the end of this time, he has every single native dance of every indigenous culture in the world on film. He winds up in Australia, in Alice Springs, so he pops into a pub for a well earned beer. He gets talking to one of the local Aborigines and tells him about his project.

    The Aborigine asks the guy what he thought of the “Butcher Dance.”

    The guy’s a bit confused and says, “Butcher Dance? What’s that?”

    “What? You no see Butcher Dance?”

    “No, I’ve never heard of it.”

    “Oh mate. You crazy. How you say you film every native dance if you no see Butcher Dance?”

    “Umm. I got a corroborree on film just the other week. Is that what you mean?”

    “No no, not corroborree. Butcher Dance much more important than corroborree.”

    “Oh, well how can I see this Butcher Dance then?”

    “Mate, Butcher Dance right out bush. Many days travel to go see Butcher Dance.”

    “Look, I’ve been everywhere from the forests of the Amazon, to deepest darkest Africa, to the frozen wastes of the Arctic filming these dances. Nothing will prevent me from recording this one last dance.”

    “OK, mate. You drive north along highway towards Darwin. After you drive 197 miles, you see dirt track veer off to left. Follow dirt track for 126 miles ’til you see big huge dead gum tree – biggest tree you ever see. Here you gotta leave the car, because much too rough for driving.

    You strike out due west into setting sun. You walk 3 days ’til you hit creek. You follow this creek to Northwest. After 2 days you find where creek flows out of rocky mountains. Much too difficult to cross mountains here though. You now head south for half day ’til you see pass through mountains.

    Pass very difficult and very dangerous. Take 2, maybe 3 days to get through rocky pass. When through, head northwest for 4 days ’til reach big huge rock – 20 ft high and shaped like man’s head. From rock, walk due west for 2 days and you find village. Here you see Butcher Dance.”

    So Jon grabs his camera crew and equipment and heads out. After a couple of hours he finds the dirt track. The track is in a shocking state and he’s forced to crawl along at a snails pace and so he doesn’t reach the tree until dusk and he’s forced to set up camp for the night.

    He sets out bright and early the following morning. His spirits are high and he’s excited about the prospect of capturing on film this mysterious dance which he had never heard mention of before.

    True to the directions he has been given, he reaches the creek after three days and follows it for another two until they reach the rocky mountains. The merciless sun is starting to take its toll by this time and his spirits are starting to flag, but wearily he trudges on until he finds the pass through the hills – nothing will prevent him from completing his life’s dream.

    The mountains prove to be every bit as treacherous as their guide said and at times they almost despair of getting their bulky equipment through. But after three and a half days of back breaking effort they finally force their way clear and continue their long trek.

    When they reach the huge rock, four days later, their water is running low and their feet are covered with blisters. Yet they steel themselves and head out on the last leg of their journey.

    Two days later they virtually stagger into the village where the natives feed them and give them fresh water. They begin to feel like new men.

    Once he’s recovered enough, Jon goes before the village chief and tells him that he has come to film there Butcher Dance.

    “Oh mate. Very bad you come today. Butcher Dance last night. You too late. You miss dance.”

    “Well, when do you hold the next dance?”

    “Not ’til next year.”

    “Well, I’ve come all this way. Couldn’t you just hold an extra dance for me, tonight?”

    “No, no, no! Butcher Dance very holy. Only hold once a year. If hold more, gods get very angry and destroy village! You want see Butcher Dance you come back next year.”

    Jon is devastated, but he has no other option but to head back to civilization and back home.

    The following year, he heads back to Australia and, determined not to miss out again, sets out a week earlier than last time. He is quite willing to spend a week in the village before the dance is performed in order to ensure he is present to witness it. However, right from the start things go wrong.

    Heavy rains that year have turned the dirt track to mud and the car gets bogged every few miles, finally forcing them to abandon their vehicles and slog through the mud on foot almost half the distance to the tree.

    They reach the creek and the mountains without any further hitch, but halfway through the ascent of the mountain they are struck by a fierce storm which rages for several days, during which they are forced to cling forlornly to the mountainside until it subsides. It would be suicide to attempt to scale the treacherous paths in the face of such savage elements.

    Then, before they have traveled a mile out from the mountains, one of the crew sprains his ankle badly which slows down the rest of their journey enormously, to the rock and then the village.

    Eventually, having lost all sense of how long they have been traveling, they stagger into the village at about 12:00 noon.

    “The Butcher Dance!” gasps Jon. “Please don’t tell me I’m too late!”

    The chief recognizes him and says “No, white fella. Butcher Dance performed tonight. You come just in time.”

    Relieved beyond measure, the crew spends the rest of the afternoon setting up their equipment – preparing to capture the night’s ritual on celluloid as dusk falls, the natives start to cover there bodies in white paint and adorn themselves in all manner of bird’s feathers and animal skins.

    Once darkness has settled fully over the land, the natives form a circle around a huge roaring fire.

    A deathly hush descends over performers and spectators alike as a wizened old figure with elaborate swirling designs covering his entire body enters the circle and begins to chant. Some sort of witch doctor or medicine man, figures Jon and he whispers to the chief, “What’s he doing?”

    “Hush,” whispers the chief. “You first white man ever to see most sacred of our rituals. Must remain silent. Holy man, he asks that the spirits of the dream world watch as we demonstrate our devotion to them through our dance and, if they like our dancing, will they be so gracious as to watch over us and protect us for another year.”

    The chanting of the Holy man reaches a stunning crescendo before he moves himself from the circle. From somewhere the rhythmic pounding of drums booms out across the land and the natives begin to sway to the stirring rhythm.

    Jon is becoming caught up in the fervor of the moment himself. This is it. He now realizes beyond all doubt that his wait has not been in vain. He is about to witness the ultimate performance of rhythm and movement ever conceived by mankind.

    The chief strides to his position in the circle and, in a big booming voice, starts to sing,

    He says, “You butch yer right arm in. You butch yer right arm out. You butch yer right arm in and you shake it all about…”

  349. AJ Says:
    May 23rd, 2009 at 1:37 pm

    Now That’s Funny.

  350. insane Says:
    May 25th, 2009 at 12:55 pm

    A blonde and a buisness man was sitting next to eachother on a plane. The buisness man said to the blonde
    “lets play a game. Everytime i ask you a question and you cannot answer, you have to pay me five pounds. Everytime you aske me a question and i cannot answer. I will have to give you fifty pounds” the blonde agreed. Confident he would win the buisness man asked the first question.
    “who is barrack obama” the blonde gave him five pounds. He asked another question.
    “what is the capital of india” she gave him five pounds again.
    “okay now your turn” he said to the blonde.
    “what goes up the hill with three legs and comes back down with four legs” she asked. The buisness man racked his brain, he looked it up on the internet and even called every person who was on his phonebook on his mobile and still did not find the answer. He eventually gave up and gave her fifty pounds.
    “What is the answer then” he asked, and she gave him five pounds.

  351. Ally Says:
    May 26th, 2009 at 3:10 am

    I think they ARE funny – that could be because of many reasons:

    1). I’m 12,

    2). I’m ill and basically delirious,

    3). I have nothing better to do with my time.

    I like the NASA one!


  352. funny guy Says:
    May 26th, 2009 at 10:50 am

    u kiddin me i came to this website to laugh my butt off it is just not funny

  353. Sam the Sham Says:
    May 27th, 2009 at 10:47 am

    A man walks into a bar/ brothel, slams $5000 dollars on the counter and says to the mistress “I’d like your fattest, ugliest girl, and a baloney sandwich.” The mistress says, “But sir, with that kind of money you could buy the biggest steak and have the nicest girl here” The man replies “You idiot, I’m not hungry and horny, I’m homesick.”

  354. phillipe Says:
    May 27th, 2009 at 10:56 am

    Q: Why was six afraid of seven?

    A: Because seven’s dad owns a gun.

  355. Funny Girl Says:
    May 27th, 2009 at 5:40 pm

    OMG the chilli pepper one was halar!!!!! i was almost crying i am soo using that for my project!! lmao :P

  356. joker Says:
    June 1st, 2009 at 6:48 am

    the english one was the best

  357. Cookie girl Says:
    June 1st, 2009 at 7:08 pm

    Oh come on guys you can find some funnier jokes. And, phillipe it is
    Q: why was six afraid of seven?
    A: because seven eight nine

  358. annonymous Says:
    June 3rd, 2009 at 3:57 am

    all this is bunk!!!! do you call this jokes?????
    i have heard a 5 year old has told better jokes! these are disgusting and make me cry instead of laugh! you, want to hear real jokes??? well listen carefully
    1) what is the difference between an intelligent ,man and a ufo???
    ans: i have no clue i havent seen any.(no offence to boys)
    2)a boy comes late to school so the teacher asks him why. so the boy says”sorry mam but i saw a sign on my way saying’school ahead go slow!!!!!
    now those are jokes! and i have many more….so in future do me a favour and at least get an idea from a joke book before writing this junk. i mean what king of jokes are these????? i told my dog them and he also made a face!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    so in the future write better jokes and dont give this website such a bad name!!!!!!!!!!!

  359. sum1 Says:
    June 5th, 2009 at 5:55 am

    these jokes are funny and i liked them. I was disappointed after reading the comments.

  360. JoeMamma Says:
    June 5th, 2009 at 7:37 pm

    Those jokes were funny but the comments made everything terrible.

  361. JoeMamma Says:
    June 5th, 2009 at 7:40 pm

    Oh and annonymous those werent jokes, those made me blow chunks they were so bad. Man my friend who laughs at everything had a stroke!! Not cool.

  362. siyavash Says:
    June 6th, 2009 at 9:02 pm

    heres a joke for ya leave good comments

    a guy walks into a bar and sees a guy with a blue tie on, the guys with the tie says, ill bet you $300 i can jump out of the window, but you will have to come,the guy that just came in said no, the guy with the tie went out of the bar, later on a guy with a blue tie on his head comes and tells the guy can came into the bar before the same thing, again he said no,phew while later a guy comes with a tie in his mouth, and says bet you $50 i can jump out of the window and come back alive only if you do it with me, the guy says if this drunk can do it then so can i, so they both jump out of the window and the guy with the tie comes back, and the bartender says “wow superman you really act stupid when your drunk and not working huh?”

  363. dave Says:
    June 6th, 2009 at 9:03 pm

    hehe hilarious, he was superman all along!

  364. Jaaaaaackieeee Says:
    June 6th, 2009 at 9:15 pm

    oh oh i gotta joke…its kinda lame tho..i heard it on a show….
    Q:Whats the diference between roast beef and pea soup….
    A:You can always roast beef, but u can never pee soup!



  365. Anonymous Says:
    June 7th, 2009 at 6:39 am


  366. mr chico Says:
    June 8th, 2009 at 7:02 pm

    i did not get half of them

  367. Anonymous Says:
    June 10th, 2009 at 5:22 pm

    A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So they go into the woods, find, a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together.
    The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.”
    “I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”
    They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.”

  368. a person Says:
    June 10th, 2009 at 5:28 pm

    A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best a his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together.
    The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.”
    “I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”
    They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.”

  369. King Eddie Says:
    June 11th, 2009 at 2:59 pm

    Lol. Some jokes up there are good.

    Here’s an awesome one:

    Q: Whaddya do if a dumb blonde throws a grenade at you?
    A: Pull out the pin and throw it back.

  370. Anonymous 2# Says:
    June 12th, 2009 at 3:00 pm

    Noddy is on his way to see his best friend Big-Ears. He puts on his special blue shorts, red hat and red jacket to match his little red shoes – and leaves his house.

    He meets the Postman.

    He says excitedly: “Hi, Posties, I’m off to see my best friend Big-Ears.”

    He meets the Milkman.

    “Hi, Milko, I’m off to see my best friend Big-Ears.”

    He sees a delivery man.

    “Hi, Van Man, I’m off to see my best friend Big-Ears.”

    He sees his neighbour, riding a cycle.

    “Hi, Cyclies, I’m off to see my best friend Big-Ears.”

    He arrives at Big-Ears gate and cannot wait to surprise his friend.

    Noddy knocks on the door and Big-Ears opens it and says:

    “Not you again!

  371. zach Says:
    June 12th, 2009 at 6:53 pm

    heres a joke for ya

    a blonde walks into a tv store and ses may i have that tv please and she replys no we dont sell tvs to blondes so she gos out and dies her hair red.Then she walks b ack in to the tv store and ses may i buy that tv and she replies no we dont sell tvs to blondes so she walks out and dies her hair black.Then she walked back into the tv store and asked the lady may i buy that tv and she replies no we dont sell tvs to blondes and she replies how the hell do you know im a blonde because thats not a tv its a micowave

  372. tracy Says:
    June 12th, 2009 at 7:04 pm

    nice joke it was hell funny

  373. cody Says:
    June 15th, 2009 at 5:51 pm

    whats funnier then 24, 25

  374. shadow Says:
    June 15th, 2009 at 9:25 pm

    wow. ok here’s a joke: There are two things in this world that i can be sure of: death and taxes. Only Taxes don’t go up everytime Congress meets.

    XD ya. i’m from the U.S. oh well.

  375. LMAO Says:
    June 16th, 2009 at 10:16 pm

    lol that one is hilarious..

  376. the killer Says:
    June 19th, 2009 at 4:24 am

    what do you call a sweet shoe??

    a SHOEgar!!!

  377. madam mimi Says:
    June 20th, 2009 at 4:31 pm

    i loooooove your jokes…they are hil-ar-i-ous!!! omg they are so good! hahahahaha

  378. casey casum Says:
    June 20th, 2009 at 4:33 pm

    wth!?!? that was horrible..but i appriciate the effort! lol

  379. DDHA Says:
    June 21st, 2009 at 5:52 pm

    Two goldfish in a tank.

    one says to the other: “Do you even know how to drive this thing?”

  380. DDHA Says:
    June 21st, 2009 at 5:54 pm

    Oh yeah:

    How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

    Put it in the oven until it’s Bill Withers.

  381. Benjammin Says:
    June 23rd, 2009 at 2:19 pm

    How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    2! But I don’t know how they got in there!

  382. RL Says:
    June 23rd, 2009 at 7:38 pm

    The flaming ducks joke DOESNT EVEN MAKE ANY SENSE! It’s so corny.

    I LOVE the golf/funeral joke & the one about making sure the guy is dead lol

  383. cool Says:
    June 24th, 2009 at 11:29 am

    these jokes are really cool. i loved them all!!!!
    heres one:
    knock knock.
    who’s there?
    interrupting cow.
    interrupting co-
    (person telling joke will interrupt audience by
    saying the noise that the animal makes.)
    example-interrupting cow=moo!!!!
    yeah yeah i know that it is corny and bad.
    comments welcome as long as they are pretty nice…..

  384. DUDE! Says:
    June 24th, 2009 at 11:33 am

    terrible joke, tho i don’t mean any offense. by the way to all of you that made those blode jokes, I AM A BLONDE!!!! so i’d like to give you a peice of my mind.

  385. daz Says:
    June 25th, 2009 at 12:38 am

    good jokes, here’s on e from the States, but you have to be from the South to get it, (maybe)

    Mr ducks
    Mr not
    CM EDBD webbed feet
    CM EDBD eyes
    LIB Mr ducks

  386. Kimy Says:
    June 25th, 2009 at 3:36 pm

    OMG someone of these were not really all that funny I mean somewere but they get old and the jokes on the comments were realy bad but I appriciate the effort in trying to make people laugh. So I’m not really complaining I did laugh a lot especially with the little ralphy one so to the people that r complaining lets see if u can make up better jokes.

  387. Mr. T Says:
    June 25th, 2009 at 5:12 pm

    I really like the joke posted by vikingguy123, but you would really only think it is funny if you are a viking fan…
    G O M I N N E S O T A!

  388. KM Says:
    June 25th, 2009 at 8:47 pm

    awesome jokes, everyone!!!! if you didn’t laugh, well then i guess your a blonde.

  389. sahabettin im from turkey Says:
    June 26th, 2009 at 8:05 pm

    i love your stuff its frticking awesome

  390. RB Says:
    June 27th, 2009 at 9:10 pm

    A newlywed couple wants to join a church but the Pastor tells them that in order for them to become members they have to abstain from sex for 2 weeks. The two weeks crawl by, and they return to the pastor, heads bowed low in shame. “How’d you do?” asked the pastor. The hubby replied, “we did ok for the first few days but I couldn’t help my self, she dropped a can of soup on the floor and when she bent over to pick it up I just took her right there!” The pastor shakes his head and says, “well, I’m sorry, but you’re not welcome in this church!” The wife replies, “that’s OK, we’re not welcome in Wal-Mart anymore either!”

  391. Barack Obama Says:
    June 27th, 2009 at 9:30 pm

    damn cornholio nice jokes, even thoughts it’s far.. you know what I likes, it’s when I go on pages like this, that isn’t really popular, and I see that people have leave a comment like, 3 days ago. I have a joke:

    Two snowman’s are talking. One say to the other one:

    -Hey, don’t you smell carrots?

    lol I have another one, actually it’s a funny fact:

    Did you know that in China, they’re one billion. Wow, 1 000 000 000. That’s nine zeros. That mean that if a virus would affect one person out of a million, 1 000 persons would be affected..

    lol g2g bye

  392. Barack Obama Says:
    June 27th, 2009 at 9:54 pm

    I have another joke, popular in my family:

    Once, there was that grandma, let’s say her name was Flip-Flop, and her parrot, which his name will be.. Flop-Flip (if you tell this joke to someone, you can take out the names, I just invented them..). The grandma said to her Flop-Flip:

    -Hey, grandmommy is going out to a trip! Yes, to a trip

    -Flop-Flip: No, I don’t want, me don’t want you go trip!

    Flip-Flop: I don’t have a choice, but I’ll get you Flip-Flip, which you like! She’s a nice girl, right!

    Flop-Flip: No! Not Flip-Flip! She’s a bad girl! No Flip-Flip-Flip-Flip!!! Don’t go Flip-Flop!!

    Flip-Flop: Okay, gotta go! Anyway, Flip-Flip will come soon, maybe in 1 minute. Okay, love you, bye Flop-Flip!

    Flop-Flip: No! NO! NO!!!! DON’T GO OH HO OH HO!! DON’T GO DON’T GO!!

    Flip-Flop: Bye!

    Flip-Flop and Flip-Flip meet at the door. They talk, and bla-bla-bla, and Flip-Flip go in Flop-Flip’s room! But Flip-Flop didn’t close well Flop-Flip’s door..

    Flip-Flip: Oh my god, it’s hot, I’ll open the window!

    And sure enough, the parrot open her cage and go AWAY!! (following Flip-Flop).

    Flip-Flop take then plane, and guess with who she’s with in the plane? Flop-Flop, her boyfriend! So they sit, and talks, and bla-bla-bla. Flop-Flip Ket’chup, she was late, so the plane go high, High, HIGH, but the bird still is with her grandma, at the window. Flop-F1op saw Flop-Flip, so Flop-Flop tell Flip-Flop that Flop-Flip is at the window, but when Flip-Flop returns to see Flop-Flip. oh, sorry, I forgot. I posted it for just if anyone remember know that joke just tell me the rest..


    I have another joke!! (I remember it)

    The French, the Australian and the American make a contest. The French say:

    Frwenchwie: Je paris ce que vous voulez, mes amis, que je peux lancer cette brique loin, mais alors plus loin que le ciel!!

    Australian: Yeah, sure, you cood to-duh-lee doo it, my free-end!

    American: Lol, you have that accent australian, wow.. anyway, lol, nvm im roflmfao. anyways, we should make a contest, the one that throw the fartest brick!

    Frwenchwie: D’accord, partenaire!

    Austraslian: Okay, free-end!

    American: Okay I start, then the frwenchwie, and finally the australian.

    The american throw it so super hard, it went sure higher than a tree! Then, the french try! Une, deux, et trois!! He throw it higher than the american and higher than a piramid! Seriously, he’s really good at it! Then, the australian’s turn. Won, too, tree, go!! He throw high, super-duper high, so high that it hit something.. but what? I’m sure you know the answer.. it hit Flop-Flip!

    thx and bye

  393. Beanie Says:
    July 1st, 2009 at 3:06 pm

    Hear about the man who locked his keys in the car? He had to use a coat hanger to get his family out.

  394. Beanie Says:
    July 1st, 2009 at 3:07 pm

    Hear about the man that dreampt he swallowed a 3 lb. marshmallow? He woke up and his pillow was gone.

  395. bid frnny guy Says:
    July 4th, 2009 at 1:57 pm

    there are some funny jokes but heres 1
    A blond walks into an applince store and says to the store cleark id like to buy that tv pleas the store cleark says sorry we dont do buissness wit blonds the blond stormes off and dies her hair black and comes back and asks to buy the tv the store cleark once again says sorry we dont do buissness wit blonds the blond says how did u no i was a blond ha reples thats not a tv its a micorwace]

  396. ghjkl Says:
    July 6th, 2009 at 11:48 am

    what cheese is not yours
    nacho cheese

  397. blahh Says:
    July 6th, 2009 at 4:34 pm


  398. charley Says:
    July 7th, 2009 at 1:41 pm

    Why does everyone think blondes are stupid? I hate people who say those jokes, they are the lowest form of humor! Those jokes are funny but not many of the comments are. I have nothing more to say…

  399. chowder Says:
    July 9th, 2009 at 6:37 pm

    this site sucks the jokes arn’t funny at all.

  400. barak Says:
    July 11th, 2009 at 12:51 pm

    When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a pencil.

  401. mason Says:
    July 11th, 2009 at 9:13 pm

    why did the chicken cross the road?
    because the roster farted

  402. Korntiful Says:
    July 12th, 2009 at 4:05 am

    here is a funny joke
    A 70-year-old man went to the doctor’s for a physical. The doctor ran some tests and said to the man, “Well, everything seems to be in top condition physically, but what about mentally? How is your connection with God?” And the man answered, “Oh me and God? We have a really tight bond, he’s so good to me. Every night when I have to get up to go to the bathroom, he turns on the light for me, and then, when I leave, he turns it back off.”
    The Doctor was astonished. He called the man’s wife and said, “I’d like to speak to you about your husband’s connection with God. He claims that every night when he needs to use the restroom, God turns on the light for him and turns it off for him again when he leaves. Is this true?”

    And she said, “That idiot, he’s been peeing in the refrigerator!”

    now thats a funny one

  403. Ariana Says:
    July 16th, 2009 at 9:19 am

    Seriously, people, you need to stop with the blonde jokes. They’re not funny at all, and quite offensive. Shut it.

  404. Relic Says:
    July 17th, 2009 at 1:08 am

    What is brown and sticky?

    A stick

  405. Relic Says:
    July 17th, 2009 at 1:09 am

    Why does snoop dogg carry an umbrella?

    Fo Drizzle!

  406. Lisa Says:
    July 17th, 2009 at 9:09 am

    Little Johnny had a problem with gambling, and it was really getting on his dad’s nerves. So the dad decided to do something about it.

    On Johnny’s first day of school, his dad told his teacher to try to rid Johnny of his gambling problem. So when Johnny went up to her and bet her $5 that she had a mole on her butt, the teacher proved him wrong and took $5 from him.

    Later that night, the teacher called Johnny’s dad and said, “I think I got rid of Johnny’s gambling habit. I bet him $5 that I had a mole on my butt, and I didn’t, so he lost the bet.”

    “Not exactly,” Johnny’s dad said. “This morning, I bet Johnny $200 that he would see his teacher’s butt by the end of the day.”

  407. Juxtapose Says:
    July 18th, 2009 at 7:24 pm

    2 rednecks are sitting in a bar talking.

    One says “man, if there was a nuclear war right now what would be the first thing you’d do?”

    The other Redneck thinks for a few seconds and says “Well damn man, I guess I’d just screw the first thing the moves”….”what would you do?” he replies.

    1st Redneck says quite quickly “I’d be real frickin still!”..

  408. Anonymous Says:
    July 22nd, 2009 at 1:04 pm

    i think u all out there who keep saying the jokes are bad are big stupid FREAKS

  409. penus Says:
    July 23rd, 2009 at 7:30 am


  410. adrian Says:
    July 24th, 2009 at 4:54 pm

    a blonde went to the docter and said “doctor doctor ive broken every bone in my body!” so she poked herself in the leg and screamed “owww!’ then she poked herself in the legs and screamed
    “oww!” so the docter took x rays and came back a few minutes later
    and said “i have good news and bad news… the good news is you havn’t broken every bone in your body…the bad news is…youve broken yur finger.

  411. funnyguy Says:
    July 25th, 2009 at 2:03 am

    Why was six afraid of seven?

    Because seven is an odd number

  412. funny man Says:
    July 25th, 2009 at 5:00 am

    Three blondes were walking through a field when they came across a set of tracks.

    The first blonde looked down at the tracks and said,

    “I think they could be bird tracks.”

    The second blonde went to look and said,

    “No, I think these are deer tracks.”

    They stepped aside and the third blonde went over to the tracks. She looked down, then got run over by the train!

  413. funny man Says:
    July 25th, 2009 at 5:02 am

    A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O’clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn’t jump.

    Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead said,

    “I can’t take this, you’re my friend.”
    But the blonde insisted saying,
    “No. A bet’s a bet.”

    Then the redhead said

    “Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O’clock news, so I can’t take your money.”

    The blonde replied

    “Well, so did I, but I didn’t think he would jump again!”
    ,no offence to blondes

  414. funny man Says:
    July 25th, 2009 at 6:33 am

    A builder and a priest are out for a game of golf one afternooon. Unfortunately the builder wasn’t very good at the game and every time he missed a shot would shout ‘Shit, missed’.

    The game went on and after several outbursts from the builder, the priest could hold his tongue no longer. “Don’t swear like that” he told his friend, “or God will punish you”. The builder apologised and the game continued.

    As soon as he missed another shot the builder shouted “Shit, missed.” and continued to do this every time he missed a shot for the next three holes.

    The priest was starting to get really angry by now and said “I must insist that you stop swearing this instant, otherwise God will hear you and punish you!”

    Once again, his pleas made no difference as the builder missed an easy putt on the seventeenth green and shouted out “Shit, missed”. Immediately the heavens parted and a bolt of lightning flew from the sky, hitting the priest and killing him stone dead.

    Suddenly, a booming voice was heard in the clouds, “Shit, missed!”

  415. OMG it's Bob Dole Says:
    July 25th, 2009 at 9:48 pm

    you ever heard the story about the worlds biggest dog? if you havent then you must read on!

    OK so

    theres a man from New Zealand and hes in the pub when he hears a somebody mention “the worlds biggest dog”. this gets his attention so he scans the room to find the man who was speaking. he spots a short little man in the corner of the room. he has an irish accent and a huuuuge scar running from the top of his foread to the corner of his mouth.

    the man quickly walks over as he is curious to hear about this so called “worlds biggest dog” he sits next to little irish fellow and says
    “so.. did i just hear you mention ‘the worlds biggest dog’?”
    the little irish man looks at him from the corner of his eye and says
    “yes. you did hear me mention “the worlds biggest dog”
    and so thei irish man tells the NZ’er all about his adventure to find “the worlds biggest dog”
    it just so happens that “the worlds biggest dog” is located in northern Istanbul and the irish man has a small plane that can get them there in a matter of hours but they have to leave right now.
    so the man agrees and on the way to the plane he stops in at home to tell his wife abpout his journey and explain why he will be gone for a few hours.

    rougly 45 minutes after that the plane is soaring over the ocean on its way to istanbul. it is a very rickety plane but it is covered in photos of dogs and other house hold pets.
    the irish man is explaining to him how secret the mission is, that “the worlds biggest dog” is somewhat of a tabboo in northern Istanbul and must not be spoken of. he also explains that it is a perilous journey and one should not even THINK about going alone. it is at this second that the plane dies and starts rocketing towards the ocean! they crash with horrendous force into the sea and water quickely fills the plane. The new zealander man escapes but he does not see the irish man surface. alas, his guide is dead.

    the man swims to shore and sees a young Arab boy with a sign witch says in big lettering ISTANBUL so the man knows this is the right place. but unfortunately he is stuck with no guide, no directions to “the worlds biggest dog” and no way home. so he sets out for the local pub in the hopes he will find somebody who knows about “the worlds biggest dog”.

    After many minutes he stumbles upon a pub tittled “the big dog inn”
    “this looks promising” he thinks to himself and he walks rright on in that pub and sets himself down at the bar and orders a lime water with a hint of blue berry. it takes him a good while to work up the courage to ask about “the worlds biggest dog” especialy since he knows of its taboo in these lands but he sucks it up and promptly says to the bar man
    *cough*”uh excuse me. erm this is quite hard to say. but.. you erm” he looks around nervously and lowers his voice
    “you wouldnt happen to know anything about “the worlds biggest dog” would you?”
    the bar man smiles and leans back
    “why sir. it just so happens that “the worlds biggest dog” is just over that hill over there!”

    so the NZ’er excitedly thanks the man and sets on his way.
    he must have been walking for almost 10 hours when he comes across a dog. it is relatively small however and he is sure this musnt be “the worlds biggest dog” because it was only just past his ankles, never the less he must ask.

    so he kneels down and says the dog
    “uhh. are you the worlds biggest dog”
    “WHAT?! what did yyou say” the dog sputters
    “um are you the worlds biggest dog?” the man says
    “ohh no no no. no no. no im not” says the dog
    “no the worlds biggest dog is just over that hill there” he says

    so the man sets on over the hill to continue his search. hes walking for about 3 hours when he comes across another dog. he is sure this one cant be “th worlds biggest dog” but, never the less he must ask
    “are you the worlds biggest dog” he says
    “nah im not mate” answers the dog “hes just over that hill over there” and points with his tail.

    so the man sets on his way. hes walking for what felt like days when he comes across a mighty dog. it is about the size of a horse and is the most amazingly beautiful thing he has ever seen. he runs excitedly up to the dog and says
    “you must be the worlds biggest dog! look at you your amazing” he exclaims
    “no. no im not the worlds biggest dog. hes just over that hill over there”

    disapointed but still ditermined the man continues on his way. he is only walking for around 30 minutes when he comes across a huge dog. around the size of a house, with ears that reach all the way to the ground.
    “you have got to be the worlds biggest dog” the man says
    “nah im not hes just over there” and the dog points to a huge mount range

    the man growns and says “ohhhh i’ll never mmake it over there. i’ll die and i will never find “the worlds biggest dog”
    the dog says “oh gee if it means that much to you i’ll make you a mountain jacket out of my fur it is warmer than the warmest wool and sturdier than any steel yet it breathes like egyptian cotton.
    the man says “yea alright why not”

    after 4 months the jacket is ready. the man puts it on and sets out for the mountain. it takes him almost one whole year to climb the mountain range. when he reaches the top he can see as far as the horizon lets him . it is a wonderous view yet he cant see and dogs. but still he continues untill suddenly he finds a ginormous dog. ridiculously huge a dog that is almost as tall as a sky scrapper. the man needs a mega phone to talk to him
    dog shuffles then his huge head comes screaming down towards him
    “n-n-n-n-no i-i-im no-not” he stutters
    “t-t-thats the w-w-w-or-worlds biggest d-d-ddog over there”

    so man continuse untill he coes to a huge brown wall. although he is very confused because it seems to be very warm and soft and smells alive. h rans as far as he can in each direction to find a way around this strange strange wall. but to no prevail. suddenly he clicks. this MUST be the foot of “the worlds biggest dog”! it just has to be. he looks up and sees it streetching miles and miles and miles and miles and miles and miles into the sky. he removes his jacket and starts to climb. he is climbing for days before he reaches the top. it is like a huge brown field. nhe notices lots of huge black animals about the size of a horse bouncing around the place and thinks these have got to be fleas. he aproches one of the fleas and says
    “sir and you living on the back of the worlds biggest dog?” the flea looks and him and says
    “i have no idea what you are talking about”
    so the man continues on head upward in the hopes of reaching the dogs head. he is walking for many weeks before he comes to the edge on the field. there is a small slope witch heads right down o a drop off. he cant even see the ground he is so high up. he realises this must be the dogs nose. so he climbs down and all the way around the Humongous flap witch is the dogs ear. he nestles himself right in the and wispers to the dog
    “are you the biggest dog in the world”
    there is a small pause
    “yes.. i am the biggest dog in the world”

  416. peepeelicka Says:
    July 26th, 2009 at 1:23 am

    dude these are funny. i told one to my boyfriend and he couldnt stop laughing and he called his mom and told it to her. and i was bursting in laughter after his mom started laughinggg. !

  417. Anonymous Says:
    July 28th, 2009 at 5:21 pm

    Everyone seems to be re-hashing the same lame jokes. Here’s my second attempt at a funny one on this site, it’s one I heard yesterday and everyone who hears it laughs.

    So a fleeing Taliban rebel, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance.

    Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the object, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand selling neck ties.

    The Taliban asked, ‘Do you have water?’

    The Jewish man replied, ‘I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $50.’

    The Taliban shouted, ‘Idiot! I do not need an over-priced tie. I need water! I should kill you right on the spot, but I must find water first!’

    ‘OK.’ said the old Jewish man, ‘It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need. Shalom.’

    Muttering, the Taliban staggered away over the hill.

    Several hours later he staggered back, almost dead.

    ‘Your f***ing brother won’t let me in without a tie!’

  418. connor Says:
    July 29th, 2009 at 5:28 am

    the jokes you see are not funny,they stupid!!!

  419. mikeyg Says:
    July 29th, 2009 at 7:19 pm

    I worked with kids, guarantee I have a funnier joke for little ones.

    Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?

    It’s fool proof. Works with anything. Smell-eep, stink-eep.

  420. johnny Says:
    July 29th, 2009 at 9:46 pm

    wow penus is dumb clearly he is 405!! haha cant even read the number next to the guy above him

  421. Mangus Says:
    August 1st, 2009 at 11:37 pm

    that dog story is soooo stupid

  422. Justanudderperson Says:
    August 3rd, 2009 at 10:50 pm

    hope you enjoyed those and yes i have a semi morbid sense of humor but still they were just to entertain, btw this is the wworst joke ive ever heard made by my friend zack, wann hear two short jokes and a long joke? joke joke joooooooooooke :P

  423. greenfletcher Says:
    August 5th, 2009 at 9:58 pm

    A man and his younger girlfriend were sitting in the urologist office and the nurse calls him back.
    They meet with the Doctor and he asks what the problem is.
    “Well, I really like this young lady here but I’m afraid my equipment is just not up to satisifying her. Can you do anything to help?”
    The Doc replies, “We do have a new proceedure that we can try but it is still in the experimental stages. I can graft a baby elephants trunk to you that will replace what you were born with.”
    The girl then said, “Oh God yes. You have to get that!”
    After the surgery and recovery, the man is able to satisfy his young lover better than she could have ever dreamed. They decide to get married.
    One night, they are having dinner with the girl’s parents to celebrate the engagement. Just after they are seated, the elephant trunk darts across the table, grabs a baked potato and disapears back under the table.
    Shocked by what just happened, the girl’s father looked at his future son-in-law and said, “Do that again.”
    The man replied, ” Well Sir, I would but I don’t I take another hot potato up my butt.”

  424. Anonymous Says:
    August 7th, 2009 at 4:32 am

    knock knock! whos there runnep runnepwho? HAAAA!! my crush told me taht one.

  425. Anonymous Says:
    August 9th, 2009 at 4:59 pm

    well guys I have a joke I am not sure it is funny but I would like to share it.

    once upon a time there was a competition on who is going to write the longest english book

    3 people entered the competition (American-British-Canadian)

    The American wrote 700 pages

    The British wrote 900 Pages

    The Canadian wrote 1500 pages

    they told every one to read his book

    The American Said (once upon a time…….) and completed his story

    The British did the same

    The Canadian said the 1st sentence in the first “A man rode a horse” the last sentence in the last page “a man got of his horse” and the 1499 pages are “DERGN DERGN DERGN” (THE HORSE’S SOUND WHILE MOVING)


  426. anonymous Says:
    August 10th, 2009 at 1:31 pm

    Blonde Riding a Horse
    One day this blonde is riding a horse. As they are trotting along the blond decides she wants to go faster and do some tricks so she starts turning the horse around in a circle. All of a sudden she starts to slip so she grabs the horses mane. But even though she has hold of the mane she was still slipping. so she decided the best thing to do was to not fall off by putting her foot in the saddle. So she’s riding along hanging from her foot, with her head banging on the ground, almost near death when the K Mart guy comes over and turns of the horse.!!!!:):):)

  427. anonymous Says:
    August 10th, 2009 at 1:37 pm


  428. Derrick Stom Says:
    August 15th, 2009 at 12:11 am

    try this… A bear and a rabbit are in a forest when a Genie pops up. The Genie says, “you both will have 3 wishes and i will grant them no matter what.” The bear wished that all of the bears in the forest were girl bears. The rabbit wished for a motorcycle. The bear wished for all the girls in the nation to be girl bears. The rabbit wished for a helmet. The bear wished for all the bears in the world to be girl bears… and the rabbit simply said, “I wish this bear was gay.”

  429. Anonymous Says:
    August 16th, 2009 at 5:15 am

    lol the 1st one “ok now what?”

  430. Fishy Says:
    August 17th, 2009 at 7:53 pm

    The “I’m drowning you moron” joke made me laugh

  431. Peter Kay Says:
    August 18th, 2009 at 8:47 am

    I Have never heard anything so rubbish even Harry Enfield’s jokes were funnier than this rubbish

  432. Ricky Says:
    August 20th, 2009 at 11:19 am

    this comment will never get read :(

  433. dobedo Says:
    August 20th, 2009 at 4:44 pm

    a couple of female deer staggered from a clearing in the woods, disheveled and bewildered. one said to the other, “I’ll never do THAT again for 3 bucks.”

  434. Anonymous Says:
    August 21st, 2009 at 8:48 pm

    they where not funny at all

  435. Sadie Says:
    August 22nd, 2009 at 2:03 pm

    Ok addmittedly some of these jokes are so rubbish lol
    heres my contribution, hope y’all like it,
    if not then you can go to hell (:

    ok so a guy comes home from work and finds his wife outside the house with all her bags packed and ready to go, with a taxi waiting.
    he asks whats going on and she replies:
    “ted im leaving you! ive just found out that i can get $400 a night in las vegas for doing what i do for you for free!”
    so the guys says “wait a minute” runs in the house and comes back ten minutes later with his pags backed also.
    and then laughing he says ” i cant wait to see how youre going to live on $800 a year!”

  436. matty Says:
    August 22nd, 2009 at 6:34 pm

    how’d you make golden soup???

    ……24 karots teheheheheh

  437. JackMeHoff Says:
    September 1st, 2009 at 9:35 am

    wow these jokes are so stupid i actually killed myself by jumping off a 100 story building.

    LOL see thats a joke lets see how many people understand it

  438. tabs97 Says:
    September 3rd, 2009 at 5:38 am

    hey ricky is okay i red ur comment… i jus skip da borin midel bit!oi dobedo ur joke is soooo not funy. i got 1 ere it is…
    a dog went into a telegrm office, tuk out a blnk form an’ wrote “woof woof woof, woof woof woof,woof woof woof.” the clerk xamned the paper and said to da dog “there ar only nine words ere, u cud ‘ave anuva woof for da same price”.
    “but that wud make no sense at all!”. replied da dog! lolage!!!! i find it funy anyways!

  439. x-amy-x Says:
    September 3rd, 2009 at 5:51 am

    if a blonde and a brunette were to jump off a cliff, who would die first?…..the brunette cause the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions!

  440. x-amy-x Says:
    September 3rd, 2009 at 5:57 am

    woman 1: “my husband keeps a photo of me in his wallet and the other day it saved him from a thug.”
    woman 2: “of course it did – your face would stop anything!”

    not as good as some of the other jokes, but i like it! ;-)

  441. bobb'e Says:
    September 4th, 2009 at 5:56 pm

    a cop has a sniper a pirate has a cannon and an indian has a bow and they are seeing whose ammo goes farther so the cop shoots his sniper and goes so see he accidently shot someone in the leg and helps that person to a hospital the indian shoots his bow and goes to see he shot someone in the hand and helps them to a hospital the pirate shoots his cannon and goes to see a boy laughing so hard tears were coming out and the pirates asks why he is laughing so hard and the boy says” i just farted and my house blew up!

  442. Joe Says:
    September 7th, 2009 at 10:26 am

    Lol at the duck one, And im not even from belgium.

  443. Fish Finatic Says:
    September 8th, 2009 at 6:45 pm

    Great jokes people – keep em coming :)

    A guy phones home from work on his lunch break, and a strange woman picks up the phone. “who’s this?” he asks the woman. “I’m the maid of the house” she relplies. “I don’t have a maid!”. “Well I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house” she says.
    “I see, and where is the lady of the house?” asks the man angrily. “She’s in the bedroom upstairs with her husband” answers the maid. Now the man is furrious “I’M HER DAMN HUSBAND” he yells angrily. “How would you like to make a quick $50,000?” he asks the maid. “sure, what would I have to do?” Controlling his rage, he instructs her, “go to my dresser drawer, take my gun out, and shoot that cheating witch and the guy she’s sleeping with!!”
    The phone goes quiet for a minute, and eventually 2 gun shots ring out, and the maid comes back on the line. “what do I do with the bodies?” she asks. “go throw them in the pool” replies the man. “but you don’t have a pool” the maid says. There is a long pause and the man asks “is this (905)890-5508?” …..


  444. Fish Finatic Says:
    September 8th, 2009 at 7:23 pm

    An older married couple are waiting at a hotel lobby in LasVegas, getting ready to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary, when a provocatively-dressed woman approches the man. “hi there stranger, my name is Bambi, welcome to the Belagio Hotel” she purrs in a sexy voice. “Get out of my face you wench” yells the man, and the woman slinks away. “That wasn’t very nice” says the man’s wife; she was very polite, and you were very rude to her!” The man exclaims “That woman is a prostitute!” but his wife doesn’t believe him, no matter how hard he tries to convince her. Finally, he comes up with a plan. He tells his wife to go hide in the bathroom of their suit with the door ajar so that she can hear any conversation in the room. He then calls down to the front desk, and asks for Bambi to be sent to his room. A few minutes later, there’s a knock on the door, and Bambi comes in. “Hello Bambi, so how much do you charge for your services?” he asks her. “$200 per hour” she replies. “$200 per hour?!” The man looks shocked – “I was willing to go as high as $25 for the entire night” he sputters out in mock disbelief. “Well, you’re not going to get anything for that kind of money sir” she mutters. “Too bad” he replies “because that’s all I’m willng to offer you”. So with an angry scowl, she turns around and leaves the hotel room without another word. The wife comes out of the bathroom, and the two of them have a good laugh together, the husband had proved his point, and with that they retired for the night. The next morning, the husband and wife are enjoying their free continental breakfast down in the lobby of the hotel, when Bambi spots him. She walks over, puts her arm around the man’s shoulders, glances at the man’s wife, and then back at the husband and calmly says “you see what you get for $25 per night?”

    LMAO now THAT’S funny stuff :)

  445. Fish Finatic Says:
    September 8th, 2009 at 7:38 pm

    One more ’cause I’m bored :)

    At a big opera performance on Broadway, at the last minute, the conductor falls ill. The performance is about to be cancelled, but somehow the producers manage to find a substitute conductor to fill in. All night he keeps making mistakes, and the music sounds horrible. People in the audience start booing and heckling him, and he just keeps on conducting the orchestra, although his performance gets worse and worse and worse. He is obviously angry with the audience for booing him. Finally he can’t take it any more – he lunges at the closest audience member and stabs him with the conductor’s sticks. The man dies in hospital later that night. With hundreds of witnesses, it’s a short trial; the conductor is sentenced to death for murder. The big day comes, and he’s strapped into the chair, a priest says a prayer for him, and then the switch is pulled, and 100,000 volts is pumped into his body. But he just sits there smiling, and afer several minutes, the man is still alive, so the power is turned off, and he is allowed to go free to the astonishment of everyone there. A news reporter approaches him, and asks “How were you able to survive all that electricity for so long?” To which the man responds “it should be pretty obvious by now….I’m a bad conductor”

  446. Sims3 Says:
    September 13th, 2009 at 11:09 am

    NOT 1 of these jokes are even half funny

  447. CCollie Says:
    September 14th, 2009 at 2:21 pm

    If you don’t like the jokes than don’t come on the wedstie eny more thats over 300 coments most complaning that they dont like the website and how much thay dont thinke hate the jokes how thar not funny…

  448. jkghjkertysfhvkjrthg Says:
    September 16th, 2009 at 8:12 pm

    I can do a better joke then all of you put together!

  449. jkghjkertysfhvkjrthg Says:
    September 16th, 2009 at 8:13 pm

    This is the joke:
    At a zoo, there was a kangaroo that could escape his enclosure every night. Then, one day, the zoo keepers built a 20m fence so he couldn’t escape the enclosure. The next day, the zoo keepers found the kangaroo wandering the grounds. During that same day, the zoo keepers built a 50m fence, but he got out again. During the next day, while the zoo keepers were building a 100m fence, the Camel in the next enclosure asked him “How high do you think they’ll build a fence to stop you from jumping over?” “They can build a 1’000’000’000m fence if they have to,” replied the kangaroo, “but, if they leave the enclosure door open every night, I’ll keep getting out!

  450. Fish Finatic Says:
    September 17th, 2009 at 4:24 pm

    There were these two guys out hiking when they came upon an old, abandoned mine shaft. Curious about its depth they threw in a pebble and waited for the sound of it striking the bottom, but they heard nothing. They went and got a bigger rock, threw it in and waited. Still nothing. They searched the area for something larger and came upon a railroad tie. With great difficulty, the two men carried it to the opening and threw it in. While waiting for it to hit bottom, a goat suddenly darted between them and leapt into the hole!

    The guys were still standing there with astonished looks upon their faces from the actions of the goat when a man walked up to them. He asked them if they had seen a goat anywhere in the area and they said that one had just jumped into the mine shaft in front of them! The man replied, “Oh no. That couldn’t be my goat, mine was tied to a railroad tie.”

  451. Loui Says:
    September 17th, 2009 at 9:23 pm

    G20 protesters in London have completely vandalised a Police station, even destroying the toilet facilities.

    Police say they have nothing to go on.

  452. Loui Says:
    September 17th, 2009 at 9:25 pm

    How do you turn a duck into a 70′s soul singer?

    Put him in a microwave until his Bill Withers.

  453. Loui Says:
    September 17th, 2009 at 9:30 pm

    Making my way home via a shortcut the other night, I noticed 2 Lady GaGa concert tickets nailed to a tree.

    Giving a cautious glance in all directions, and as quick as a flash:

    I stole the nails.

  454. Loui Says:
    September 17th, 2009 at 9:31 pm

    Whats the difference between a savings account and a musician?

    One eventually matures and begins to make money.

  455. Loui Says:
    September 17th, 2009 at 9:34 pm

    Two behaviouralists meet in a street. Says one to the other:

    “You’re fine, how am I?”

  456. Loui Says:
    September 17th, 2009 at 9:34 pm

    How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?


  457. Loui Says:
    September 17th, 2009 at 9:55 pm

    Heard about the midget psychic that robbed fort knox?

    Police say theres a small medium at large.

  458. Loui Says:
    September 17th, 2009 at 9:59 pm

    What do you call a woman after 3 minutes?

    A cab..

  459. Loui Says:
    September 17th, 2009 at 10:00 pm

    Whats the difference between light and hard?

    You can get to sleep with the light on .

  460. Loui Says:
    September 17th, 2009 at 10:01 pm

    Why are all Egyptian ferry captains given psychological evaluations every 6 months ?

    Most of them are in denial.

  461. Loui Says:
    September 17th, 2009 at 10:01 pm

    12 out of every 8 people have basic numeracy problems.

  462. Loui Says:
    September 17th, 2009 at 10:02 pm

    I AM BILL GATES OF BORG. LOWER YOUR SHIELDS AND PREPARE TO BE BOA(Error: General protection fault in module ‘BORG.EXE’)

  463. Loui Says:
    September 17th, 2009 at 10:03 pm

    Why are women like clouds ?

    Eventually they go away and its a nice day.

  464. Loui Says:
    September 17th, 2009 at 10:03 pm

    Whats the difference between a savings account and a musician ?

    One eventually matures and begins to make money.

  465. Loui Says:
    September 17th, 2009 at 10:03 pm

    Making my way home via a shortcut the other night, I noticed 2 Lady GaGa concert tickets nailed to a tree.

    Giving a cautious glance in all directions, and as quick as a flash:

    I stole the nails…

  466. Loui Says:
    September 17th, 2009 at 10:04 pm

    How do you turn a duck into a 70′s soul singer ?

    Put him in a microwave until his Bill Withers.

  467. Loui Says:
    September 17th, 2009 at 10:05 pm

    20 British servicemen were killed yesterday as their Armoured vehicle collided with a tree in Northern Ireland.

    The IRA say they planted the tree.

  468. Morgan Says:
    September 19th, 2009 at 3:16 pm

    ~ They say people with blonde hair are stupid. Good thing my hair is yellow =)


  469. -.- v Says:
    September 20th, 2009 at 12:19 am

    i hardly laughed. nor did i give a smile. its boringgg

  470. david Says:
    September 22nd, 2009 at 5:40 pm

    this jokes are not funny at allll 2yura

  471. cameron Says:
    September 23rd, 2009 at 5:50 pm

    You wanna here a joke????

    This website and all the lame jokes on it….

  472. m35 Says:
    September 25th, 2009 at 12:09 pm

    what do you call a a gost favorite sport Casket ball

  473. m35 Says:
    September 25th, 2009 at 12:10 pm

    dont mock my lovely joke

  474. suspendedfromxboxlive Says:
    September 25th, 2009 at 10:11 pm

    some of these are pretty hop off his nuts

  475. sanjana Says:
    September 29th, 2009 at 5:23 am

    the pea song wal totally cool and i wish you will send more like this

  476. FART KNOCKER 007 Says:
    September 29th, 2009 at 11:15 pm

    A stupid guy dies and is awaiting approval from the gatekeeper of heaven to enter. The gatekeeper says you can only enter if you pass a quiz. The stupid guy agrees. The gatekeeper asks the stupid guy how many days of the week start with the letter t. The stupid guy says thats easy today and tomorrow. The gatekeeper says ok ill give it to you he then asks the stupid guy what is gods first name? The stupid guy says “Howard.” The gatekeeper asks “how in the world did u get Howard? The stupid guy says from the prayer… “Our father which art in heaven, Howard be thy name.

  477. Kevin Says:
    October 1st, 2009 at 11:58 am


  478. Kevin Says:
    October 1st, 2009 at 12:03 pm


  479. Kevin Says:
    October 1st, 2009 at 12:09 pm

    One Brazilian, one American, and one British are aboard a plane.
    “We’re flying over New York City!” said the American.
    “How do you know that?” asked the British and the Brazilian.
    “I just saw the Statue of Liberty”.
    Hours later…
    “We’re flying over good old London” shouts the British man.
    “How do you know that?” asked the American and the Brazilian.
    “Just saw Big Ben”.
    Hours later…
    “We’re flying over Brazil!”
    “How do you know that?” asked the American and the British.
    “My wallet was just stolen”

  480. Kevin Says:
    October 1st, 2009 at 12:17 pm

    One Irishman, one Englishman and one Scotsman are being chased by the police.

    They all quickly climb up a tree each to hide from the police.

    The police reach the first tree and one officer shouts:
    “Anyone up there!?”
    “tweet tweet tweet” said the Englishman, pretending to be a bird.
    The police move on, thinking it really was a bird.

    The police reach the second tree and one officer shouts:
    “Anyone up there!?”
    “uuh uuh uuuh” said the Scotsman, pretending to be a monkey.
    The police move on, thinking it really was a monkey.

    The police reach the third tree and one officer shouts:
    “Anyone up there!?”
    and the Irishman goes “Moooo!”

  481. Kevin Says:
    October 1st, 2009 at 12:21 pm

    The Turkey And The Bull

    A turkey was chatting with a bull. “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, “but I haven’t got the energy.”

    “Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.”

    The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

    The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

    Finally after a fourth night, there he was, proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

    Moral of the story: Bullsh1t might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.

  482. Kevin Says:
    October 1st, 2009 at 12:29 pm

    Q: What do you get when you cross a bulldog and a shitzu?
    A: (oh come on…. its easy, think!)

  483. Soni Says:
    October 5th, 2009 at 5:47 am

    the only one i know laughed at those jokes, is a drunk dude,
    all personnel are kindly requested to evacuate the website immediately,
    remaining visitors are to be considered casualties and missing in action,

    no make up money will be paied…

  484. I LOL Says:
    October 6th, 2009 at 12:07 pm

    I thought Canada’s joke was hilarious about the pen and the russian pencil. I showed it to all my school friends and thy laughed. Thank you for giving me something to do during 7th bell. Keep rockin.

  485. I LOL Says:
    October 6th, 2009 at 12:12 pm


  486. vasem Says:
    October 6th, 2009 at 10:43 pm

    A man, who smelled like a distillery, flopped down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man’s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and
    began reading.

    After a few minutes the disheveled man turned to the priest and said, “Say, Father, what causes arthritis?”
    “Mister, it’s caused by loose living, being with cheap wicked women, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man.”
    “Well, I’ll be damned,” the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.
    The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized.
    “I’m very sorry, I didn’t mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?”
    “I don’t have it, Father. I was just reading that the Pope does.”


    Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.
    Usually she slept through the class.

    One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me, April, who created the universe?”

    When April didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. “GOD ALMIGHTY!” shouted April and the teacher said, “Very good” and April fell back asleep.

    A while later the teacher asked April, “Who is our Lord and Saviour,” But, April didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ‘JESUS CHRIST!” shouted April and the teacher said, “very good,” and April fell back to sleep.

    Then the teacher asked April a third question. “What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?” And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, “IF YOU STICK THAT DAMN THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I’LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!”

    The Teacher fainted.

    Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, “Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?” “None,” replied Johnny, “cause the rest would fly away.” “Well, the answer is four,” said the teacher, “but I like the way you’re thinking.”

    Little Johnny says, “I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?”

    “Well,” said the teacher nervously, “I guess the one sucking the cone.”

    “No,” said Little Johnny, “the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you’re thinking.”


    A woman posts an ad in the news paper that looks like this…

    Looking for man with these qualifications:
    - won’t beat me up
    - won’t run away from
    - is great in bed.

    She got lots of phone calls replying to her ad but met someone perfect at her door one day.
    The man she met said, “Hi, I’m Bob. I have no arms so I won’t beat you up and no legs so I won’t run away.”
    So the lady says, “What makes you think you are great in bed?”
    Bob replies, “I rang the door bell didn’t I?”


    Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: “Jesus is watching you!”
    Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. “Jesus is watching you,” the voice boomed again.
    The burglar stopped again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.
    The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then he asked the parrot: “What’s your name?”
    “Clarence,” said the bird.
    “That’s a dumb name for a parrot,” sneered the burglar. “What idiot named you Clarence?”
    The parrot said, “The same idiot who named the Rottweiller, Jesus.”

    The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: “Take only ONE. God is watching.”
    Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”


    A man is out walking in New York when he sees a girl being savaged by a fierce dog. He fights off the dog by beating about the head with a stick and saves the girl’s life.
    The girl’s mother rushes over to him: “Thank you, thank you, you are a hero, tomorrow all the newspapers will have headlines about Brave New Yorker Saves the Life of Young Girl”
    “But I’m not a New Yorker,” the man says.
    “Oh, then it will say in all the newspapers Brave American Saves Life of Young Girl,” says the mother.
    “But I’m not an American,” the man says.
    “What are you then?” asks the mother.
    “I’m an Iranian,” the man says.
    The next day he sees the newspaper headlines:
    Islamic Extremist Kills American Dog.

    A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, “My dog’s cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?”
    “Well,” says the vet, “let’s have a look at him.”
    So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says “I’m going to have to put him down.”
    “What? Because he’s cross-eyed?”
    “No, because he’s really heavy.”

  487. Austin Says:
    October 7th, 2009 at 10:49 pm

    wtf iz eckzackry.. i thaught the tent one was pretty damn funny.

  488. ilovepie Says:
    October 8th, 2009 at 2:50 pm

    Hahahahah! look at me WHOCARES I’m only 12 and am already being sucked into the metaphorical vortex of doom and virtual conversation and treacharous misleading websites! But guess what? I have more rite than you to browse the world wide web! For I am INCREDIBLY INTELLIGENT GIRL and I finished my homework ON THE BUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Who’s the poor, introverted individual who spends her free time reading 470 commments on a shoddily made joke site? Hmm? Who’s wasting time NOW? Bwahahaha… stay classy, America.

  489. Ethan Says:
    October 8th, 2009 at 3:02 pm

    None of these jokes were funny, except the Canadian joke. The jokes from the users were funnier. I was looking for a funny joke when I came to this website.

  490. greenfletcher Says:
    October 9th, 2009 at 7:29 pm

    A bear and a rabbit were pooping in the woods when the bear asks the rabbit, “Do you have a problem with poop sticking to your fur?” The rabbit said “No, not at all.” So the bear wipes his butt with the rabbit.

  491. cheez it Says:
    October 10th, 2009 at 9:56 am

    i loved all the jokes up there, those who didnt like them are stupid and should get a better sense of humer!! here is a joke- Chuck Noris got a heart attack- his heart lost

  492. cheez it Says:
    October 10th, 2009 at 9:59 am

    sean your joke is not at all funny and i agree w/ bob

  493. poop Says:
    October 14th, 2009 at 3:18 am

    These jokes are boring…..
    listen to this one :
    There was a man taht walked out of the hospital with a black eye and broken arm
    a guy saw him asked what happened?
    he said the other day me and my wife went golfing and she hit her ball far away and we were looking for it.I saw it in the horses butt and i called her and she came
    I said that looks like yours
    and that is why I am standing here now.

    hahahahahahaha LOL

  494. cruz Says:
    October 14th, 2009 at 9:45 am

    Who was the first sick-o to look at a cow and say “hmmm, I think i´l squeeze those dangly things and drink whatever comes out”?

  495. Fish Finatic Says:
    October 15th, 2009 at 9:14 pm

    Vasem – some good jokes there, way to go!! Kevin….what the *>*&_+/??? seriously those are not funny dude, what are you smoking? Jokes are something that you hear, you laugh and you want to tell to someone else, not a one-liner that you wish you hadn’t wasted your time reading… on your sense of humour because the way it is now – it sucks!!!

    PS a good sense of humour goes a long way with women *hint* *hint*

  496. Jokester Says:
    October 18th, 2009 at 3:51 am

    Two muffins are cooking in the microwave. The one muffin say s to the other ” Wow, its getting hot in here hey???” The other one suddenly starts screaming ” AAAAAAAH !! A talking muffin!!!!”

  497. Mr Magoo Says:
    October 20th, 2009 at 12:04 pm

    Why did the scarecrow win an award?

    He was outstanding in his field……

  498. macho Says:
    October 22nd, 2009 at 3:15 am

    these jokes are funny but not the funniest jokes ever…. check this out…
    teacher: y did u laugh?
    boy: i saw a srap of ur bra.
    teacher: get out of the class 4 a week
    (2nd boy laugh)
    teacher: y did u laugh?
    2nd boy: i saw both straps of ur bra
    teacher: get out for a month
    she bends down to pick a chalk, little jonny started walking out,
    teacher: jonny where r u going?
    jonny: wat i saw i think my SCHOOL DAYS ARE OVER!!

  499. Kiley Ann Says:
    October 23rd, 2009 at 2:45 pm

    ok sorry all guys but this is lol: a guy went to the hospital for brain surgery. the doctor said “Womens brains are 100 dollars and the mens are 2000.” The guy asked why and the doctor said that the womens brains were already used.

  500. Stevieofgarde Says:
    October 25th, 2009 at 12:47 pm

    Belgium joke was pretty good. The rest just plain suck.

  501. napalm Says:
    October 26th, 2009 at 3:24 pm

    ok,only the 2nd one was funni.

  502. SUPER JESUS Says:
    October 27th, 2009 at 11:20 am

    The one about the pen and pencil actually happened…

    Did you hear the machine that converts urine to water has stopped working?

    Imagine being the guy who figured that out.

    How many Amish does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    What does Helen Kellor call the closet?
    Disney world.
    Where does her parents send her when company is over?
    Disney world.

  503. leyetbulb Says:
    October 27th, 2009 at 10:59 pm

    did you hear about the fire at the circus?

    It was in tense
    What time is cowboy time?

    9:50, 10 to 10,
    whta do u call a bear with no shoes?

    Bare foot

  504. Dhamian Says:
    October 29th, 2009 at 12:09 am

    stevie of gard,

    ur a f’n tard.

    the only thing less funny than that joke is almost certainly you.

    sincerely, dhamian

    P.S. those jokes by leyetbulb were truly amazing. Bravo, genius among men

  505. minnie me Says:
    October 29th, 2009 at 4:33 am

    greatest jokes EVER!

  506. minnie me Says:
    October 29th, 2009 at 4:35 am

    Did you hear the joke about the skunk. It stinks

  507. Tyler Says:
    October 30th, 2009 at 5:59 pm

    love theses joke the 10inch bic 1 was awsome i have some jokes 4 u people

    A blonde speeding in a sports car is pulled over the police said ‘may i see your licence’
    she replied ‘OMG yesterday you take it away from me and now you expext me 2 show you it!

  508. John Ayson Says:
    October 30th, 2009 at 6:44 pm

    i got a joke for you, well it’s not a jjoke but it’s a trick question.

    pick one number from 90-98

    1. use that number times 2

    2. divide that number by 3

    3. add 500 to that number

    4. minus 128 in that number.

    5. is ur number 350? see im a magician.

    TBH Happy halloween, sorry i thoguht it was april fools so i made up that question.

  509. Fred Says:
    October 31st, 2009 at 4:04 am

    Yes! My joke about burning ducks made it to the top! yes!

  510. HARRY Says:
    November 1st, 2009 at 4:24 am

    I was in a traffic jam on the way into London and it wasnt even moving. A man was walkinng in and out of the cars talking to everyone so I put my window down. “whats going on?” I said. He said” terrorists have gordon brown hpstage up ahead. Theyre threatening to pour as much petrol as they can find all over him and set him alight unless they get £1000000 immediately so im going round and getting a collection.”
    “how much is everyone giving?” I asked. “about a gallon” he replied

  511. John-o Says:
    November 1st, 2009 at 8:14 pm

    jeez these jokes are funny but none of my bros get them, i guess u hav to b smart or somfin. enough with the dumb blonde jokes too im blond

  512. volleyball luver Says:
    November 1st, 2009 at 11:36 pm

    Yeah umm my mom would always say that exzachary joke! so u never made it up! and none of the jokes are funny at all! except the midget one, that was funny! but anyway yeah so try harder next time!

  513. tak Says:
    November 3rd, 2009 at 4:13 pm

    Some pretty funny jokes there… This is my personal favourite joke, simular to 1 i already read here tho… A lady looks into the mirror and turns to her husband and says “i look terrible fat and and ugly, give me a compliment to make me feel better” so the husband says “well ur eyesight is spot on”

  514. sk8rj Says:
    November 4th, 2009 at 6:47 pm

    this is a good joke:
    there are a priest, a general, and a millionaire on a plane going somewhere. Their pilot suddenly tells them that they have to much load so they must each drop what they brought with them. the priest drops a bible, general drops a c4 package, and the millionaire, well he drops millions. they then crash who knows where and spot three kids. one is sad, one is happy, and one is laughing. they go to the sad one and ask y r u sad? he says “i was praying and god dropped a bible on my head” then they go up to the happy one and ask y r u happy. he says “i used to be poor and now i hav millions!”. lastly, they go up to the laughing one and ask y he is laughing. he says “i farted, turned around, and my house blew up”. the end.

  515. princess Says:
    November 5th, 2009 at 7:58 pm

    why do you guys have to be so mean on other countries and so nasty? Including, the way you guys are mean to each other?!

  516. Greg Says:
    November 5th, 2009 at 7:59 pm

    I agree with princess!! :)

  517. Princess Says:
    November 5th, 2009 at 8:01 pm

    Why do you guys have to be so mean on other countries, and so nasty with your jokes?! Including the way you guys are mean to each other. Besides, all of your guys’ jokes aren’t even the best I’v heard.

  518. Princess Says:
    November 5th, 2009 at 8:03 pm

    I like Tyler’s Blonde joke!

  519. harry potter(yes the real harry potter) Says:
    November 5th, 2009 at 10:26 pm

    if u want to become a sensation like me yall gotta study!

    ha hahaha aha haa haha ha hahaha hahah ahha ahhaha hah

    its just me, smart boy– i am smart i have got a 10.5 GPA

    hahahahahahah fooled you AGAIN!!!!! iv only gota 3.7

  520. smart boy Says:
    November 5th, 2009 at 10:34 pm

    you guys are all dumb all 493 of u instead of laughing your heads off at the funniest jokes and the random ones posted u should all be studying so u could become hardy people with big craniums

  521. kiki Says:
    November 7th, 2009 at 11:07 pm

    there were two muffins in an oven and the first muffin said man its hot in here and the second muffin yells aaahhhhhhhhhhhh talkin muffin lol funny i know

  522. kiki Says:
    November 7th, 2009 at 11:14 pm

    the monks of shonova can only speak two words every ten years so one monk joins and after the first ten years the monk says bed hard ten years later he says food gross tens years later he says i quit and the head monk replies finally uve been complainin ever since u goy here

  523. tom, Says:
    November 11th, 2009 at 5:37 am

    chuck norris wanted to create a beverage so he urinated into a can ….. this beverage is now known as red bull

  524. mac Says:
    November 11th, 2009 at 3:33 pm

    these jokes suck

  525. mac Says:
    November 11th, 2009 at 3:35 pm

    all of them

  526. Jonah6 Says:
    November 12th, 2009 at 12:18 pm

    Who was the first person to die at the Battle of the Little Bighorn?


    General Custer said “fire at will”.

  527. FUCK ALL!!!! Says:
    November 13th, 2009 at 6:17 pm


  528. levi Says:
    November 14th, 2009 at 12:56 am

    ok here is my joke tell me if you like it

    so a married couple is sleeping and they wake up to find out they have been robbed. so the husband goes to a gun store nd says “got anything special?”
    “well,we have this thing called a magic bullet.”
    “whats that?”
    “well, let me show you”
    so the man gets out the bullet and says “magic bullet my door” and the bullet shoots the door.
    “so wait?”says the husband “all i have to do is say magic bullet my and the name of the object?”
    so the husband bought it and tried it out at home
    “magic bullet my lamp” hits the lamp
    “magic bullet my window” hits the window
    “magic bullet my…………. neighbors window!” and the bullet shot the neighbors window. the neighbor saw what happened and went to the husbands house
    “what the hell did you do that for?” he screamed
    “wait i can explain!”
    “then explain!”
    “well,”said the husband”we just got robbed and we needed good protection, so we got this thing called a magic bullet and-”
    “wha- yeah right! magic bullet my ass!”

    did you like it?

  529. Jenn Says:
    November 14th, 2009 at 5:55 pm

    These are okay jokes. I happen to be 13, and I understand all of the jokes but found them mildly amusing. I heard the pencil one before, and I almost peed laughing when I first heard it, but unfortunately the second time you hear a joke, it’s not as funny. Here’s a joke I found extremely funny:

    A nun and priest went golfing. On the first hole the priest misses the hole by a long shot. he cries out,
    “Damn it I missed.”
    “Don’t swear, the Lord will punish you.” The nun tells him.
    They get to around the 10th hole. The priest misses the hole every time he tried to get it in. He yells out,
    “Damn it! I keep on missing.”
    “Don’t swear, the Lord will punish you.” The nun told him.
    Then there was a bolt of lightning, and it struck the nun and killed her. A voice boomed from the clouds,
    “Damn it, I missed!”

    FUNNIEST JOKE EVER!!! There was supposed to be a third miss, but I got tired of typing XP

  530. mika Says:
    November 15th, 2009 at 11:15 pm

    what did the fish say when he ran into a cement wall

  531. Whocares Says:
    November 16th, 2009 at 8:11 pm


  532. cmc Says:
    November 21st, 2009 at 8:31 pm


  533. cmc Says:
    November 21st, 2009 at 8:34 pm

    the brick one cracked me up so much. these jokes on here you have to think them out for a minute. they are really funnieeee!

  534. mariah brenner Says:
    November 23rd, 2009 at 6:12 pm

    spell icup ICUP/I SEE U PEE

  535. mariah brenner Says:
    November 23rd, 2009 at 6:21 pm


  536. OMG LOL Says:
    November 24th, 2009 at 2:33 am

    That last joke was funny. I’m telling it at work!

  537. Anonymous Says:
    November 24th, 2009 at 1:56 pm

    i guess i dont have a sence of humor but my class make me laugh strange

  538. JAYLA Says:
    November 25th, 2009 at 2:19 pm


  539. maggie arnold Says:
    November 25th, 2009 at 3:06 pm

    these jokes suck what is the point of writing them if there not funny %#&^ you

  540. brooke Says:
    November 27th, 2009 at 5:49 am

    yo mamas so dumb she climbed over a glass wall to see wat was on the other side

  541. nickki Says:
    November 29th, 2009 at 7:34 am

    the enlang joke was funny and the canadian one was hilarious,other than that the rest wre not that funny to be in tha categorie

  542. Ocky Says:
    December 1st, 2009 at 7:08 am

    A man walks by a pet shop and notices a sign on the window, “Talking dog for sale, $20.00” The man is intrigued, a talking dog? He enters the pet shop and finds the shop owner. He asked the owner where the talking dog is, the owner replies he’s in the back. The man walks towards the back of the shop and sure enough he sees the dog talking to a group of customers. The dog is in the middle of a story about his days working for the US government as a spy and how he ended the cold war and helped end Communism in Russia. After 30 minutes of listing to one incredible story after another, the man approaches the shop owner and asked, “How come you’re selling a talking dog for just $20.00?” The owner replies, “Because he’s a damn liar!”

  543. jim bob mcgee Says:
    December 1st, 2009 at 3:31 pm

    The magic tractor one is the best

  544. jim bob mcgee Says:
    December 1st, 2009 at 3:35 pm

    Two bits of sick are walking down the street and one starts crying. the other asks what is wrong. the other replies “This is where i was brought up !”

  545. Bobby Mcgee Says:
    December 2nd, 2009 at 2:47 pm

    a guy walks into a bar with a giraffe and they both get hammered. the giraffe falls over and the guy goes to walk out of the bar. the barman sais ” you can’t leave that lyin’ there”
    the guy sais ” it’s not a lion, it’s a giraffe.


  546. J-Green Says:
    December 3rd, 2009 at 6:40 am

    3 guys were wondering through a rain forest and was caught by cannibals. the cannibal king said i’ll give you each a chance to live if you take my trials. you pass the trials i’ll let you leave my rain forest alive. they all agree. so the cannibal king say first all of you go out and bring me back ten pieces of any fruit. they all run away and gather fruit. the first guy comes back with ten apples. cannibal king says shove all ten apples up your ass and dont make a sound. if you do i will eat you. determined to live the guy tries to shove the apples up his ass and screams out in pain after the 3rd apple. cannibals chase him down and they all eat him. the second guy came back with 10 berries, cannibal king tells him shove them up your ass and dont make a sound. if you do i will eat you. simple task for him its just berries. well he gets to the 9th berry and bursts out in laughter so the cannibals eat him as well. the first and second guy meet in the after life and the first guy says dude, why you laugh you was almost done. second guy says i saw the 3rd man coming back with 10 pineapples.

    now thats funny.

  547. xXBenSxx Says:
    December 6th, 2009 at 1:16 am


  548. xXBenSxx Says:
    December 6th, 2009 at 1:20 am

    I love 4 and 5

  549. Tony G Says:
    December 6th, 2009 at 9:07 am

    My dogs been chewing the xmas tree.
    He’s got tinselitis now.

  550. I Can See the Light Says:
    December 6th, 2009 at 9:53 am

    OMG I can’t believe I read all 532 comments. Took me like hours. I now have this huge massive headache and I’m seeing spots.

  551. simsyrocks Says:
    December 7th, 2009 at 11:55 am

    hahahaha!!! Of course I haven’t read all of the jokes but I’ve got one of my own! Sorry if it’s already been said because as I’ve said I haven’t read them all…right then:

    1) (sorry to all blondes+this made me chuckle)A blonde was skydiving…she missed the Earth!!!

    2) Two buckets of sick are walking around when one starts wailing and crying uncontrollably! The other says “What’s wrong?” Then the other says “I was brought up in that alley!”

    3) A man and woman see each other in a bar and like the look of each other. The man finally plucks up the courage to go and talk to her, and after a night of talking they both go back to the man’s place! While the man is in the bathroom freshening up the woman is waiting in the bedroom stark naked in his bed. While she is waiting she notices the strangest thing! Every where she looked she was surrounded by teddy bears, and all the shelves were filled with teddy bears, with small pocket ones at the bottom and big daddy bear at the top! When the man comes back she decides not to ask him about it! After a vigorous night of sex, the woman says “Well, how was it for you?” So theman replies “Hmmm, I think you can have a prize from the bottom shelf!!!”

    All the other jokes were funny as well as the comments which are funny with people defending strangers!

  552. poopinator Says:
    December 9th, 2009 at 7:09 pm

    how do you fix a womans watch…….you dont theres a clock on the oven

  553. Kiki Says:
    December 10th, 2009 at 2:31 am

    This is 2 fish fin

    i don’t think u got the joke…

    I have some jokes, A blond went 2 a hair dresser and she had her ipod in when she got in her seat the hair drasser said I’m sorry i will have 2 take your ipod out the blond said NO PLEASE!!! a couple of minuets after she took the ipod out the blond dropped dead her sister came in and screamed WHY DID U TAKE HER IPOD OUT!!!!
    the hair dresser put one of the ear phones in her ear and it said “breath in….breath out…… breath in……. breath out…. HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

  554. Mr. Peinguen Says:
    December 10th, 2009 at 2:47 am

    A blonde came home from school one day and said to her mom, I can count higher then all the kids in my second grade class, do you think it is because I am a blonde? Her mother replied, Of couse it is darling . The next day, the blonde said, I can say the alphabet higher then anyone in my class, do you think it is because I am a blonde?Her mother replied, Of course it is darling!The next day the blonde came home from her gymnastics and asked her mother, I have a larger chest then all the kids in my class, do you think its because I am a blonde?Her mother replied, No dear, I think it is because you are fourteen years old.

    HAHAHA! get it she is 14

  555. grapist Says:
    December 13th, 2009 at 7:37 pm

    I love 353′s joke

    Q: Why was six afraid of seven?

    A: Because seven’s dad owns a gun.

    lol i thought it was 789

    seven “ate” nine

  556. Brad Says:
    December 14th, 2009 at 4:16 pm

    What do you do when a doofus throws a hand grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back

    Why did the doofus climb the class wall? to see what was on the other side

    What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor ? Where’s my tractor?

    How do you get a one armed doofus out of a tree? Wve to him

  557. rampaza Says:
    December 16th, 2009 at 9:56 pm


  558. Mr. A Says:
    December 17th, 2009 at 6:42 am

    These jokes are so boring.

  559. Firas_Lebanon Says:
    December 17th, 2009 at 8:36 am

    very silly jokes

  560. hot boy Says:
    December 17th, 2009 at 9:59 pm

    omg i am hot-these jokes are smokin good

  561. moad rad Says:
    December 18th, 2009 at 4:04 am

    why keyboards never get tired ???
    because they have two shifts . hahahaaa

  562. moad rad Says:
    December 18th, 2009 at 4:06 am

    how you can put 2 elephants in a bottle without touching each other ????
    you put a 3rd one between them .

  563. moad rad Says:
    December 18th, 2009 at 4:11 am

    how can 5 elephants take a ride on a bike at the same time ???
    1 elephant on front seat and 2nd one on back seat and make sure he holds the bottle …remember the bottle with the three elephants .

  564. nicolehalvorson Says:
    December 18th, 2009 at 9:34 pm

    seriously people, freaking a. if you dont think the jokes are funny than simply click outta the website. if you have a problem, than ignore it. dont start another one. and ps love the jokes :D

  565. pop Says:
    December 18th, 2009 at 9:42 pm

    hey thos are not funny jokes
    u people need to get a life here

  566. Paige Says:
    December 19th, 2009 at 3:49 am


  567. need some funny jokes! these suck Says:
    December 19th, 2009 at 10:00 pm

    How do you drown a blonde
    A. put a scratch and sniff thing at the bottom of the pool

  568. Amy Says:
    December 21st, 2009 at 1:20 pm

    Q: Why is my brother built up-side down

    A: Because his nose runs and his feet smell

  569. stephen Says:
    December 21st, 2009 at 3:47 pm

    a man walks into a bar with a small newt on his sholder and order 2 drinks the bar tender ask’s”whos the other one for” and the man replys”my friend he’s my newt

    my newt=miniut

  570. Anonymous Says:
    December 23rd, 2009 at 4:33 am

    these jokes are god awful. it would be in your best interest to never speak of them again. i have never posted anything on these stupid internet blog things but after reading these jokes i had to say something… after reading them i wanted to vomit and shit all over myself and then punch a infant. i award you no points, and may god have mercy on your soul

  571. Cody Says:
    December 23rd, 2009 at 6:42 pm

    4 people are on a small plane, the smartest boy in the world, and elderly priest, a young housewife, and the pilot. The plane experiences engine failure and the pilot alerts the passengers that there are only three parachutes. The pilot says, “I have a wife and three kids, so I get one”. So the pilot jumps. The smartest boy in the world says, “I might find the cure for cancer one day, so I get one too”. So the boy jumps. The priest then looks at the lady and says, “God will take me in to heaven, you may have the last parachute”. The lady then says, “No need, the smartest boy in the world jst jumped off with my diaper bag.”

  572. Cody Says:
    December 23rd, 2009 at 7:02 pm

    A man in the desert was dehydrated and lost. He looked ahead to see a pond. When he got there he realized it was a mirage. It was a tie stand in the middle of nowhere. The man asks “do you have any water, please”. The Tie salesman says “No water, just ties only $5 each. The closest restaurant is 50 miles south.” The man says, “You idiot, I don’t need a tie, I need water!”, and walked away as the tie salesman smiled. Days later the man came crawling back to the tie stand and said, “The damn resturaunt won’t let me in without a tie!”

  573. Anonymous Says:
    December 23rd, 2009 at 10:54 pm

    The first and second jokes were quite funny but the rest were lame. The jokes on the comments were even more lame. Come on. Jokes concerning Q&A aren’t funny at all. Well, its only funny for the younger ones. As you mature, you would prefer parodies, idiocy and pranks.

  574. J3$$ Says:
    December 24th, 2009 at 12:13 am

    ok these jokes arnt too bad but get a load of this one it made me fall off my chair:

    This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is.

    All his professionalism goes right out the window…He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.”Do you know what I am doing?” asks the doctor?”Yes, checking for abnormalities.”

    she replies. He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, “Do you know what I am doing now?”, she replies, “Yes, checking for cancer.

    “Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, “Do you know what I am doing now?”

    She replies, “Yes, getting herpies’ – that’s why I am here!”

  575. J3$$ Says:
    December 24th, 2009 at 12:17 am

    ok this is funny

    A woman posts an ad in the news paper that looks like this…
    ‘Looking for man with these qualifications; won’t beat me up; or run away from me and is great in bed.’

    She got lots of phone calls replying to her ad but met someone perfect at her door one day. The man she met said, “Hi, I’m Bob. I have no arms so I won’t beat you up and no legs so I won’t run away.”
    So the lady says, “What makes you think you are great in bed?”

    Bob replies, “I rang the door bell didn’t I?”

  576. Britney Spears Says:
    December 25th, 2009 at 2:54 pm

    429 i read ur comment!

    Please listen carefully, for the selections have changed:

    If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly,

    If you are co-dependent, please ask someone else to press 2.

    If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, & 6

    If you are a paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace your call.

    If you are schizophrenic, you will either hear a voice tell you which number to press.

    If you are manic-depressive and in the down phase, it doesn’t matter which number you press, we wi11 not answer, and if we do, we would not able to help you-and we charge an arm and a leg. if you are in the upper phase, then everything is fine and you don’t need help (yet)-nor do we need our counselor listening to your endless chatter.

    If you are paranoid-schizophrenic, watch out! The thing you are holding on the side of your head has just woke-up, and it is about to bite you head off.

    If you are merely a neurotic mess or borderline, you have already pushed everybody’s buttons.

  577. morgan Says:
    December 26th, 2009 at 5:43 am

    these are totally wiked

  578. Anonymous Says:
    December 27th, 2009 at 1:54 am

    why did the monkey fall out of the tree

  579. urmommasdad Says:
    December 28th, 2009 at 2:38 am

    all u ppl dat dont think these jokes r not funny have no scence of humor

  580. jamicus markilulous Says:
    December 28th, 2009 at 2:22 pm

    two brunettes and a blonde were about to be shot by iraq because they joined the army and killed one of there men.they hatch a plan and by the time it was finished it was shooting time. the first brunette came out and as they were about to shoot she pointed behind them and said “huricane” and ran off. the second brunette came out and as they were about to shoot she shouted “tsunami” and ran off. then the blonde came out and as they were about to shoot ahe shouted “fire!”

  581. pness Says:
    December 29th, 2009 at 6:00 pm


  582. Kristen Says:
    December 30th, 2009 at 1:16 am

    because the monkey was dead

  583. Leila Says:
    December 31st, 2009 at 7:18 am

    This joke is about the WORLD!!!
    Flo-rida went to do some shopping in Iceland, ate turkey,jumped on Tasmania and got eaten by Wales!!!

    I hope you liked it

  584. Leila Says:
    December 31st, 2009 at 7:21 am

    ~Knock knock
    ~Who’s there?
    ~ Cows go…
    ~ Cows go who?
    ~ Cows don’t say ”WHO”,They say ”MOO!!!!!!”

  585. blake Says:
    December 31st, 2009 at 10:52 am

    thats funny sean

  586. monkeyman.. Says:
    December 31st, 2009 at 4:33 pm

    because he was bored.. lol i guess :/

  587. Dylan Cooper Says:
    January 1st, 2010 at 9:47 pm

    these jokes ar funny i like the one but there kinda dumb at the same time by the way i’m only 15 years old

  588. nikki_minaj Says:
    January 2nd, 2010 at 12:44 am

    well like comment #556 the first 2 was very well not all that funny. the rest of the jikes werent all that funny. what im about to say i wouldnt consider rude but just givn an opinion. anways, whoever wrote these jokes needs an upgrade on their jokes. the first 2 were awesome. whwre didi you get tham from. i think u should have gotten the rest fro the same place you got the first 2 from. thanks for allowing me to post a comment on this very lovely website. no i do not talk to much. i kno that is what most of u r thinking but your thinkin wrong. okay im just gonna stop talkin and let everbody read my long a** paragraph.THANK YOU ALL FOR ……….IDK but THANKS!!!!!!!!

  589. shelby_taylor Says:
    January 2nd, 2010 at 1:23 am

    there was a duck that walked into the store and asked,
    ‘dude, do you have any grapes?’
    The guy answers,
    ‘no sir, we dont have any grapes.’

    the duck came back to the store an hour later and repeats,
    ‘dude, do you have any grapes?’
    The guy answers,
    ‘no sir, we dont have any grapes.’ but in an impatiant way.

    then the duck came back to the store AGAIN an hour later and repeats,
    ‘dude, do you have any grapes?’
    The guy answers,
    ‘no sir, we dont have any grapes.’ practically yelling.

    ‘and if you come back again ill stapel your feet to the ceiling.’

    so five minutes later the duck comes back an asks the man,
    ‘dude do you have any staples?’
    the man goes ‘no’
    ‘GOOD! do you have any grapes?’
    i loved this joke since i was 12(:

  590. Anonymous Says:
    January 4th, 2010 at 10:52 am


  591. anonymous Says:
    January 4th, 2010 at 5:38 pm


  592. the above best jokes are sh*t Says:
    January 8th, 2010 at 12:02 am

    i have three jokes
    why are pirates pirates
    because they arrrrr
    ha bob my parents didnt let me go see the pirate movie
    bob why
    me because it was rated arrrrrrr

  593. vdfgvzsbvg Says:
    January 8th, 2010 at 2:15 am

    youtube twitter and facebook made a new orgainisation its called lol

  594. jd Says:
    January 9th, 2010 at 10:02 pm

    holey crap you must be an insaneley fast typer to type all of that.

  595. Kaija Says:
    January 10th, 2010 at 11:20 pm

    Q:Have you ever seen the movie constipated?

    you should say no

    A:cause it never came out.
    i would like to thank my friend harrison for that one

  596. rockcandy Says:
    January 14th, 2010 at 2:14 am

    So there are two atoms floating in space….
    One atom goes to the other one and says “Hey, I lost an electron.”
    The second atom says “Are you sure?”
    The first atom says “Yeah, I’m positive.”

  597. bj Says:
    January 15th, 2010 at 5:33 pm

    fed-ex bought out ups and named combined their name…now its fedup

  598. cool Says:
    January 17th, 2010 at 3:39 am

    the jokes were funny but there comments…..oh my god…u all sound like idiots…..what is this nonsense!@@@@@#$

  599. Incorrect Says:
    January 17th, 2010 at 11:43 am

    Ok, guys, LEARN TO SPELL. No one can read some of these comments.

  600. Fish Finatic Says:
    January 20th, 2010 at 11:23 pm

    Hey Cody (558) read joke #414 and learn from it.
    that’s the right way to tell that joke….your way (not only was it a rip off of my original telling) it wasn’t even funny the way you told it.

    Some people on here need to learn how to tell a joke. Others are just hillarious. If one more person re-hashed the old duck asking for grapes joke…..come on, it was mildly amusing at best the first time around….the third time it just isn’t even funny.

    Also, here’s a tip for all of you. When you think you have something original to tell, go to the “EDIT” button in internet explorer, and then hit “FIND ON THIS PAGE” then type in a keyword from your joke. If your joke is about a duck, type in the word “DUCK” and then search for it here. It will show you every occurence of the word “DUCK” and you will know if your joke is already here, and save yourself the embarrasment of re-posting the same joke two or three or four times. Keep up the good jokes everyone!!!!

  601. WOO Says:
    January 24th, 2010 at 2:25 pm


  602. The Last Poster Sucks D*** Says:
    January 24th, 2010 at 5:06 pm

    Look at my name.

  603. no Says:
    January 28th, 2010 at 2:36 pm

    they are crap

  604. Big Snake Says:
    January 31st, 2010 at 7:28 pm

    ok, all of those jokes sucked, exept for the flaming duck feet one that was pretty funny. heres a joke thats better than all of those:
    what goes ha ha, thud.
    someone laughing their head off

  605. Anonymous Says:
    January 31st, 2010 at 11:51 pm


  606. el joker Says:
    February 1st, 2010 at 4:44 pm

    the only one i like is the sherlock holmes one. here are some cheesy jokes

    3 men walk into a bar. the 4th one ducks.
    there are 2 fish in a tank. one says ill drive you man the guns.

    get it cuz the fish are in like a army tank and the guys hit there head on a bar. hahaha i know they kinda suck

  607. zivon456 Says:
    February 1st, 2010 at 6:19 pm

    2 kids were sitting in class and the girl named Mary was asleep. The teacher said, “Mary, who created Earth?” The other kid poked Mary with a pin. “God Almighty!” Mary yelled. “Very good” the teacher said. 15 minutes later the teacher said,”Now Mary, who was God’s son?” The other kid poked Mary with the pin. “Jesus Christ!” Mary exclaimed. 10 minutes after that, the teacher said,”Mary, what did Eve say after her and Adam had their 23d child?” The kid pokes Mary with the pin. “If you stick that thing in me one more time, I’m going to break it in half!” *Teacher faints*

  608. ADDkid6946 Says:
    February 2nd, 2010 at 11:58 pm

    A blonde calls her boyfriend and says,”Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get it started.” Her boyfriend asks, “Whats is it supposed to be when it”s finished?” The blonde says, According to the picture on the box, it’s a tiger.” Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. she lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. he studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then he turns to her and says, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.” He takes her hand and says, “Second, I want you to relax… Let’s have a nice cup of tea, and then,” he sighed………. “Let’s put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box.”

  609. Excl Says:
    February 3rd, 2010 at 8:51 am

    why did the chiken cross the playground?
    to get to the other slide!

  610. Eclledjsm Says:
    February 7th, 2010 at 10:13 am

    it was funny

  611. sabika Says:
    February 8th, 2010 at 5:22 am

    it was the happiest dayof life when i red thesejokes

  612. Bryan From New Zealand Says:
    February 10th, 2010 at 12:35 am

    Why did Humpty Dumpty watch his girlfriend fall off the wall??

    To see Her crack!!!

  613. Bryan From New Zealand Says:
    February 10th, 2010 at 12:50 am

    Have you heard the joke about the vacuum???

    It sucks…

  614. Bryan From New Zealand Says:
    February 10th, 2010 at 1:00 am

    A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he’s doing a show in a small town in Delaware.With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes. Suddenly, a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting, ‘I’ve heard enough of your stupid ass blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the colour of a person’s hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It’s guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general and all in the name of humour!

    The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, ‘You stay out of this, mister! I’m talking to that little shit on your knee.

  615. Bryan From New Zealand Says:
    February 10th, 2010 at 1:16 am

    Yeah Thats enough from me..

  616. Tim Says:
    February 10th, 2010 at 6:08 am

    Jokes are very funny if you are grown enough to understand them, especially one with baby in the bus (I’ll hold ya monkey) :))). BUT!!!!!!!!! Commenters are IDIOTS, really nonsense. So stupid. eeyaaakk!!!!

  617. penny Says:
    February 10th, 2010 at 10:25 pm

    i have never seen something so amazing in my life love every joke never lughed as hard in my life as i did after reading this….


  618. Bryan From New Zealand Says:
    February 10th, 2010 at 11:55 pm

    Have you heard the joke about the Vacuum??

    It sucks…

  619. Tom Says:
    February 11th, 2010 at 9:43 am

    A man walked into a bar.

    He went “ouch”

    It was an iron bar.

  620. josie Says:
    February 12th, 2010 at 3:57 pm

    im a blonde and i think this ones funny

    so there are 2 blondes on either sides of a river.
    one blonde yells to the other, “hey, how do you get to the other side?!”
    the second one replies, “what do you mean? you ARE on the other side!!”
    well i think its funny so keep ur mean comment 2 urself

  621. Ben Robinson brown Says:
    February 13th, 2010 at 11:01 am

    These jokes are not so funny but they are ok… next time put the best last

  622. bob Says:
    February 13th, 2010 at 2:23 pm

    why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?Because he didn’t have th guts

  623. filipa Says:
    February 13th, 2010 at 2:40 pm

    what is blak wite and red all over

    ans: a newspaper

  624. Anonymous Says:
    February 13th, 2010 at 6:43 pm

    the funniest joke i have ever heard is…. Yo mama so hairy when she walked outside the neighbors called animal patrol and every time the kids went to the gorilla cage they said”,oh look thers mommy………ya gett it

  625. cam Says:
    February 16th, 2010 at 12:44 pm

    those jokes suck

  626. bacon cheeze Says:
    February 17th, 2010 at 4:46 pm

    ok so a mushroom walks into a club. everywhere he goes to dance the people just walk away from him.
    so he walks up to a big group of girls and goes to start dancing well they start to walk off so he stops them and says
    “come on, why wont anybody dance with me, im a fun guy”
    if you dont get it. its like fungi or fungus

  627. My mama so stupid Says:
    February 17th, 2010 at 8:23 pm

    My mama has this disease called Yo Mama So Stupid.
    This doctor said the symptoms were sitting on the TV and watching the sofa.

  628. mikey Says:
    February 18th, 2010 at 12:44 am

    an invisible man walks into the medical centre and makes an appointment, the lady at the service desk says to the doctor that he is coming in now, and th doctor replied, TELL HIM I CANT SEE HIM

  629. kokoloko Says:
    February 18th, 2010 at 1:13 am


  630. Anonymous Says:
    February 18th, 2010 at 11:07 am

    This is a good joke:

    “What’s the definition of a double blind study?
    Two orthopods (orthopeidic surgeons) looking at a chest X-ray.”

  631. Ash Says:
    February 19th, 2010 at 4:29 am


  632. Jarrett Says:
    February 19th, 2010 at 5:10 pm

    Those are hilarius it will totally work for the new backpack jokes that are around in my middle school

  633. NIck Says:
    February 22nd, 2010 at 7:03 pm

    A Boy asks a Wealthy Old Man how he became Rich. The Old Guy says “Son it was 1932 during the Depression & I was down to my last Nickel. I invested that Nickel in an Apple & spent the entire day polishing it & sold it for 10 cents. The next day I invested the 10 cents in 2 apples & sold them for 20 cents. I did this fo…r a month by the end of which I had $2.37. Then my wife’s Father Died and left us 3 Million Dollars

  634. Beef N Bacon Says:
    February 23rd, 2010 at 3:01 pm

    A guy who lives in the city decides to move out west to get away from it all. He buys 100 acres and it is in the middle of no where. His closest neighbor is 10 miles away.

    He is out there for several months and working on his old farm house and tending to a few animals when a guy walks up on his front porch…

    “Howdy Neighbor!!” says the stranger

    “Hi” he says back

    “Say, I am your next door neighbor, I live a few miles down the road and wanted to be a courdial neighbor and see if you were interested in coming over to my house tonight for a party I am having?”

    “A party?? Cool. Thanks.”

    The stranger goes on “I should probably warn you, there’s gunna be some drinkin”

    “Drinking?? Great, I could use a few cold ones. sound good.”

    “I should also warn you that there’s gunna probably be some fightin.”

    “Oh I am ok with that. I used to box in college, thats cool.”

    The stranger continues…”And of course there will be a lot of swearing. is that ok?”

    “Sure. I can curse like a sailor in the right setting.”

    “Well i should tell you one more thing, theres gunna be some fornicating too.”

    The city slicker excitedly says “Man i haven’t had sex in almost a year. Awesome!! This party sounds great!! What should I wear??”

    “Doesn’t matter. It’ll just be the two of us.” Says the stranger.

  635. JAZzA-NaTioN Says:
    February 23rd, 2010 at 9:51 pm


  636. im not very funny either Says:
    February 25th, 2010 at 8:33 pm

    a blonde is walking down the street with her brunette friend. The blonde was eating salted peanuts.The brunette yells at a guy and said “im not gunna stand here and be asaulted..”
    “peanut?!” says the blonde

  637. jhon Says:
    February 27th, 2010 at 10:35 pm

    what kind of guy likes mushrooms
    a fungi

  638. Anonymous Says:
    February 28th, 2010 at 1:09 am

    So I’m sitting in a bar having a drink, when I realize I really need to fart. The music is pretty loud so I decide to time my farts to the beat. I get up to leave having finished my drink when i see everyone is looking at me.

    That’s when I realized I was listening to my iPod.

  639. hazel long Says:
    March 1st, 2010 at 6:28 am

    Hello there,
    these jokes are not funny!
    the only one that is slightly bit funny is hte monkey/kid one, it reminds us of some girl in our classs

  640. paul Says:
    March 4th, 2010 at 4:03 pm

    heres one a blonde and a black hair girl walk into a pub and the bartender turns on the 12.00 news and a boy is about to jump of the empire state building and they bet the black hair girl says i bet you he will jump and the blonde hair girl says i bet you he wont jump and the boy jumps and the black haired girl says ha i can take your money and then the black haired girl says i knew because i saw on 6.00 clock news and the blonde hair girl says so did i but i didnt think he would to it again HAHA

  641. lUCY fUCKING goVETR Says:
    March 5th, 2010 at 8:56 am

    whats brownn and sticky…?
    A STICK! (:

  642. samuel Says:
    March 5th, 2010 at 3:43 pm

    heres a joke

    what did the big traffic light say to the little traffic light ? don’t look i’m changing

  643. Anonymous Says:
    March 5th, 2010 at 5:05 pm

    not a grin…

  644. Renee Says:
    March 7th, 2010 at 11:58 pm

    Your mama’s sooo stupid, she tried to kill two stones with one bird.

  645. dont care Says:
    March 9th, 2010 at 5:13 pm

    these jokes are so lame. none are funny. i not gonna waste my time reading these

  646. jajabeanz Says:
    March 10th, 2010 at 5:37 pm

    these are not even funny

  647. squirrel man Says:
    March 10th, 2010 at 8:15 pm

    …..oh just remembered one a mother comes to live with her son the son comes home one day and finds her on the floor he takes her to the hospital and the doctor comes out and says i have good and badnews your mother had a stroke the son says whats the good news the doctor said your mother didnt die but lost control of her voice box and when she tris to talk she sounds like a dieing parrot she is paralized now so your going to have to feed her and change her diaper wow said the son if thats the good news whats the bad? the doctor laughs and says no im just kidding shes dead…… i know its messed up but its still funny

  648. SomePeopleAreMorons Says:
    March 10th, 2010 at 9:11 pm

    why do most of you post jokes that are already up there??? just because you change a couple word doesnt make it a new joke….

  649. Cayden Simler Says:
    March 12th, 2010 at 3:34 am

    I dont agree with any of these people!! These jokes are soo funny i literally LOL’ed!!! Keep up the good work! :~)

  650. nevin felix the guy better than you Says:
    March 12th, 2010 at 5:21 pm

    these jokes stink really badly i got a good joke….
    “yo mama so ugly she didn’t even get a costume when she tried out for star-wars film”or”yo mama so stupid she sits on the TV and watch’s the couch”

  651. CINDERFROST Says:
    March 14th, 2010 at 1:20 am

    Funny blonde joke

    A blonde walks into a barber shop listening to her ipod. The barber begins to cut her hair but when he gets to the side of the head he asks her to take out her headphones, but she doesn’t reply. he begins cutting the rest of her hair until he has nothing left to do but the side of her head. he asks her to take out her headphones but there is still no reply so he pulls them out and starts cutting her hair. a few minutes later she slumps back into her chair and stops breathing so he checks her pulse and she is dead. out of curiosity he puts the headphones into his ears and hears a voice saying breathe in…… breathe out……. breathe in……. breathe out…..

  652. jhtgvfbvhbhfbvhbtr Says:
    March 14th, 2010 at 2:57 pm

    omg fire girl like u would keep a note in ur journal about jokes that must be sooooo boring .. ive got 1 why was tiger looking down the toilet to find poo lol thats funny to meeee .

  653. emely Says:
    March 16th, 2010 at 3:40 pm

    these jokes r not funny at all!!!

    Not one of these jokes made me laugh.

  654. darryl.r. Says:
    March 16th, 2010 at 9:43 pm

    omg i just read every comment!!!!

  655. steve-k Says:
    March 17th, 2010 at 8:48 am

    I can’t believe it. I have just read the 612 jokes and I think that most of them are really funny, there were some that almost make me pee and sometimes poo LOL well here are a couple of jokes that I KNOW that is not up there:

    two kids talking
    kid 1: I’ll never forget the last words that my mother said
    Kid 2: what she said
    Kid 1: “hey, you fricking moron, don’t move the ladder!!!!”


    A bear was walking and he fell, did you think was funny?


    Neither the bear!


    This is an awesome page I really love it


  656. lhhgii Says:
    March 18th, 2010 at 9:17 am

    yo mama so stupid she got a speeding ticket witout a car

  657. lhhgii Says:
    March 18th, 2010 at 9:23 am

    yo mama so stupid she got hit by a parked car.
    yo mama so stupid she stabbed in a shootout.

  658. blasidostian Says:
    March 20th, 2010 at 10:25 am

    Guess what

  659. zack t Says:
    March 21st, 2010 at 8:01 pm

    renne thats the dumest joke i ever read in my life

  660. deathraceq Says:
    March 22nd, 2010 at 8:48 am

    some were funny the rest were gross…really they shud give better ones…

  661. Anonymous Says:
    March 25th, 2010 at 7:55 am

    its really funny Hahahahahahhahahaah I can stop laughing

  662. joey Says:
    March 25th, 2010 at 11:41 am

    that was sssssssssssssooooooooooooooooo AWESOME HAHAHAHAHAHA

  663. mj dancer Says:
    March 26th, 2010 at 7:43 am

    nothing man nothing

  664. mj dancer Says:
    March 26th, 2010 at 7:44 am

    who thinks its funny………..

  665. metsrdbest1024 Says:
    March 26th, 2010 at 8:45 pm

    i made this joke up the other day!!!

    so this guy starts getting a disease of fungus living on his arm, but he doesnt want to rip it off because he might get infected. SO he goes to the doctor to get it checked out:
    DOCTOR: OK, we will start the procedure now. We will remove the fungus.
    MAN: Wait, I don’t think i want to go through with this…
    Why don’t you want to remove the fungus?
    MAN: Because it’s growing on me!

  666. lara Says:
    March 28th, 2010 at 2:05 pm

    i have one and no offence intended

    There are 4 people at the top of the eiffel tower and the first is american, he threw money over the edge and the others asked why he said im rich in money at home. the second was french, he poured champange over the edge and the others asked why, he said im rich in wine. The third was english and the forth was blonde and stupid The english man looked at the stupid blonde women and she looked at him and said don’t you dare!!

    i find that funny hope you like it :D

  667. i love englishman, scotishmen, irishman jokes Says:
    March 28th, 2010 at 6:33 pm

    theres an englishman irishman and scotishman at the top of a a hill, and they have just found a magic lamp. So they rub it and a genie pops out.
    ” if you roll down this hill and shout something i will magic you into a giant bowl full of what you say. ” said the genie.
    The englishman dives down the hill and screams ” money! ” so he lands in a bowl of money.
    The scotishman jumps down and yells ” women! ” so he lands in a bowl full of women.
    The irishmen happily runs down……………..he trips over a rock and yelps ” SH*T ” so he lands a gigantic bowl full of sh*t!

    HA! HA! HA! HA! LoL

  668. unknown Says:
    March 29th, 2010 at 7:17 am


  669. Mackenzie Says:
    March 30th, 2010 at 9:33 pm

    hahahahaha! those jokes are so funny!!! Hahahahaa!! LMAO!!!

  670. Mindy N Says:
    April 1st, 2010 at 2:12 pm


  671. Anonymous Says:
    April 1st, 2010 at 4:22 pm


  672. andy obrien Says:
    April 3rd, 2010 at 1:31 pm

    heres one for all of you….a dyslexic walks into a bra

  673. Anonymous Says:
    April 3rd, 2010 at 6:23 pm

    best jokes ever

  674. Katelyn Says:
    April 3rd, 2010 at 8:49 pm

    i know a good joke>>>>
    i did your mom……….
    ….a favor…………..
    …by making you………
    …..a sandwich.

  675. alejandro587 Says:
    April 3rd, 2010 at 10:12 pm

    yo mama is so fat when she walked pass the tv i missed out of 5 movies 2 tv shows 18 comercials

  676. alejandro587 Says:
    April 3rd, 2010 at 10:15 pm

    and one more thing
    yo mama is so old she got her bible signed by jesus so cya i’ll write an other joke on the 17th of augaust

  677. IT'S SEZ!!!!!!!!!............NOT Says:
    April 4th, 2010 at 5:26 am

    this is a very funny joke/poem

    A little girl stood on the bridge one night,
    her lips were quite a quiver,
    she gave a cough her head fell off,
    and floated down the river.

  678. shjah Says:
    April 4th, 2010 at 5:47 am

    not at all funny really!!!!:p

  679. Anonymous Says:
    April 4th, 2010 at 2:05 pm

    PLEASE READ THIS IT IS HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!! ok so a couple goes 2 church but every time the husband falls asleep the wife softly pokes him with a pin to wake him up. the priest asks “who is gods son”. the man falls asleep then the wife pokes him with the pin. then he screams “Jesus!” then the priest replys “correct”. then the priest asks “who is jesus?” then the man is poked again and screams “christ almighty!”. the preist replys “correct”. Then the priest asks “what did eve say to adam after their 100th child?” the man is poked again and screams “if u stick that thing in me one more time i swear to god i’ll shove it up your ass!” the whole church stares at him in silence

  680. System Says:
    April 4th, 2010 at 6:47 pm

    people if u don’t have a joke to say please don’t write any random comments.

    your sincerely

  681. fed up Says:
    April 4th, 2010 at 10:23 pm

    y is evry 1 complaning about lame jokes is a jokes web site not a complants website

  682. fedup is rite Says:
    April 4th, 2010 at 10:24 pm

    and hes so awsome and he has better jokes than all o ya combined

  683. reader Says:
    April 5th, 2010 at 7:38 pm

    these comments have gonon for 2years now, how sad are we all ?? lmaoo

  684. z dumb Says:
    April 7th, 2010 at 12:29 pm

    why r u all so stupid and wasting time on this youll big dummys

  685. depressed Says:
    April 8th, 2010 at 4:02 am

    power of physics!!!
    a box had to be opened,
    mathematician came:applied all logic,calculations etc.., but failed to open
    chemist pro came-used all the chemicals but failed to open the box..
    at last:th physicist came:
    he said:let us assume the box is open.:=))

  686. Anonymous Says:
    April 8th, 2010 at 1:59 pm

    A man had his credit card stolen. He however decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did. haha xD

  687. dave Says:
    April 8th, 2010 at 3:20 pm

    Two guys are out hunting deer. The first guy says, “Did you see that?” The second guy says, “No.” “A bald eagle just flew over head.” “Oh.” A couple of minutes later, The first guy says, “Did you see that?” “No.” “Therewas a black bear walking on that hill over there.” “Oh.” A few minutes later the second guy says, “Did you see that?” The second guy, getting aggravated, says, “Yes, I did!” The first guy then says, “Then why did you step in it?”

  688. Anonymous Says:
    April 10th, 2010 at 6:14 am

    hahahahahah very funny

  689. o yeah Says:
    April 11th, 2010 at 1:02 pm

    theres a redhead a blonde and a brunette, they are all stuck on an island and there is a ship 100 miles away:
    the redhead tries to swim and drowns on the 77th mile
    the brunette tries to swim and drowns on the 67th mile
    the blonde swims 99 miles, but she gets too tired so she swims back. =)

  690. bobman Says:
    April 12th, 2010 at 7:02 am


  691. hi'all Says:
    April 12th, 2010 at 7:05 am

    this s the best joke ever…
    here goes…..

  692. lame Says:
    April 12th, 2010 at 7:09 am

    these are so funny i can barley..keep…my….eyes…………opem………..

  693. Khai Featherstone Says:
    April 13th, 2010 at 8:20 am

    Two men were sitting next to each other at Murphy’s Pub in London. After awhile, one bloke looks at the other and says, ‘I can’t help but think, from listening to you, that you’re from Ireland ‘
    The other bloke responds proudly, ‘Yes, that I am!’
    The first one says, ‘So am I! And where about from Ireland might you be?’
    The other bloke answers, ‘I’m from Dublin , I am.’
    The first one responds, ‘So am I!’
    ‘Mother Mary and begora. And what street did you live on in Dublin ?’
    The other bloke says, ‘A lovely little area it was. I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town.’
    The first one says, ‘Faith and it’s a small world. So did I! So did I! And to what school would you have been going?’
    The other bloke answers, ‘Well now, I went to St. Mary’s, of course.’ The first one gets really excited and says, ‘And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?’
    The other bloke answers, ‘Well, now, let’s see. I graduated in 1964.’
    The first one exclaims, ‘The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same place tonight. Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary’s in 1964 my own self!’
    About this time, Vicky walks up to the bar, sits down and orders a drink.
    Brian, the barman, walks over to Vicky, shaking his head and mutters, ‘It’s going to be a long night tonight.’
    Vicky asks, ‘Why do you say that, Brian?’
    ‘The Murphy twins are drunk again.’

    hahahahaha, its funny because there drunk

  694. jesus Says:
    April 13th, 2010 at 11:07 am

    praise you all

  695. angela Says:
    April 13th, 2010 at 7:31 pm

    2 muffins are in an oven. one muffins says to the other
    “holy crpa its hot in here”
    and the other muffin says
    “holy crap a talking muffin”

  696. jacob salazar Says:
    April 14th, 2010 at 12:58 pm

    Im sorry for my words AMEN

  697. sophie Says:
    April 15th, 2010 at 5:19 am


  698. sophie Says:
    April 15th, 2010 at 5:20 am


  699. my friend told me thid joke Says:
    April 15th, 2010 at 9:55 am

    My friend told me this 1 k
    How do u trick a dumb blond?
    Put her in a circle shaped room and tell her there is 50 dollars in the corner

    how does the dumb blond trick u?
    She comes out of the room with the 50 dollars and says thank you.

    Hope u liked it :)

  700. sjdaijsdiaj Says:
    April 15th, 2010 at 8:03 pm

    these jokes are kinda funny. i have one though. what do u do if a blonde throws a gernade at u? pull the pin and throw it back!! another one is: there were three girls and they had to swim to the island to get gold. first girl went to about half way, drowned. 2nd girl went a third of the way, drowned. a blonde went for half of the way and felt tired and swam half of the way back to the boat.

  701. melly Says:
    April 16th, 2010 at 10:03 am

    that church joke with the father gave me headaches

  702. LAME Says:
    April 16th, 2010 at 9:19 pm

    I like Oreo Pie :)

  703. Mexicanchica#1 Says:
    April 16th, 2010 at 9:31 pm

    I loved da ‘I Gotta Pea’ song at da top!!!! LOL!!! A few more things: I have to admit dat some of you peeps know how to make a person laf. I’m one of dose peeeps, dat its HARD to make laf . SO tumbs up everyone who at leest tried to make peeeps like me laf! KEEP UP DA REALLY FUNNY JOKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! good luck !

  704. neha Says:
    April 17th, 2010 at 3:19 am

    ha ha ha this are the funniest jokes i have ever seen > its just a very good one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    i liked the jokes

  705. funnyness Says:
    April 17th, 2010 at 7:21 am

    what will postman pat be called when he’s retired?


    ha funy jokes

  706. Anonymous Says:
    April 17th, 2010 at 5:15 pm

    what did the buddhist monk say to the guy at the hot dog stand?

    make me one with everything.

  707. Sammy dude Says:
    April 19th, 2010 at 12:36 pm

    there were 1 men that were working on a site, and the 1 man said if i get pea nut butter in my sandwiches again i will jump off this building.

    Then the 2 man said if i get jam in my sandwiches again i will jump off this building.

    Then the 3 man said if i get ham in my sandwiches again i will jump off this building.

    The next day the 1 man got pea nut butter so he jumped off the building, the 2 man got jam so he jumped off the building and the 3 man got ham so he jumped off the building.

    The next day, at the funeral the 3 wifes were talking to each other and the 1 wife said he should of told me that he didn’t like pea nut butter, i would not of gave it to him.

    The 2 wife said same, he should of told me and the 3 wife said it was not my fault, he made his own sandwiches !!!!

  708. Sammy dude Says:
    April 19th, 2010 at 12:39 pm

    i mean 3 men at the start

  709. Anonymous Says:
    April 19th, 2010 at 6:08 pm

    not i inch of funny

  710. jaon Says:
    April 21st, 2010 at 9:46 pm

    haha i made this joke up. I think.
    So a man is lost in a forest. It starts getting dark out. So he is praying to God, saying “God please give me a tent.” Nothing happens, and he spends the rest of the night shivering. Then the next day comes, and he begs and pleads with God saying, “God, please give me a tent. PLEASE!” and still nothing happens. Then finally, the third day he prays again. He begs and pleads and says “God, i and begging you. Please give me a tent!” Then a bottle of Viagra falls from the sky

  711. Mel Says:
    April 23rd, 2010 at 3:32 am

    These r some cool jokes
    it makes me laugh!
    lol! (still laughing)

  712. th3_jon3s Says:
    April 24th, 2010 at 8:07 am

    whats the difference between a blonde and a taxi?
    not everyone has been in a taxi!

  713. th3_jon3s Says:
    April 24th, 2010 at 8:09 am

    A sailor and a priest were playing golf.

    The sailor took his first shot missed and said, “Sh*t, I missed.”

    Surprised, the priest replied, “Don’t use that kind of language or god will punish you.”

    The sailor took aim and hit his shot second shot. Again he missed and under his breath the said, “Sh*t, I missed again.”

    The priest overheard and replied, “My son, please don’t use that language or god will punish you.” The sailor took his third shot and once again he couldn’t help mutter, “Oh Sh*t”

    The priest said, “That it god will certainly punish you.” Suddenly a bolt of lightning came down and killed the priest. In the distance a deep voice said, “Sh*t, I Missed”.

  714. i did not laugh Says:
    April 26th, 2010 at 1:52 am

    i did not laugh but it is kinda funny….but i did not laugh

  715. LaYlA Says:
    April 26th, 2010 at 5:12 pm

    jaon thats a great joke but that would not be liked by people who like god but really (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA)

  716. Gabriel Says:
    April 26th, 2010 at 6:10 pm

    dude these jokes suck you guys suck at telling them, except for a few. Now here is two:

    why did one mushroom wanna play with the other? He seemed like a fun-guy

    What happened to the two snails that got in a fight? they really slugged it out

  717. Anonymous Says:
    April 27th, 2010 at 1:18 pm

    I find it funny don’t know if anyone else will ha:)…I went to the doctors complaining about… everywhere i touch it hurts and i just remembered i had broken my finger!

  718. striker66 Says:
    April 28th, 2010 at 12:32 pm

    i like the candian one :D

  719. Matt Says:
    April 28th, 2010 at 12:39 pm

    This guy is sitting at a bar all day when he decides it’s time to go home because his wife hates it when he drinks too much at the tavern. He pays his tab and turns to leave but falls flat on his face. The bar tender says to him “you sure you’re gonna be alright, Johnny?” “I’m fine” says Johnny, “I’ll just crawl outside for some air and I’ll be fine” So Johnny gets outside, pulls himself up on a stoop and starts to feel well enough to get moving again. He tries to stand but falls flat on his face again. This happens a couple more times and Johnny thinks to himself, “Well, I live close enough that I’ll just pull myself along the sidewalk until I’m home and it’ll be OK”

    So Johnny drags his drunken body the two blocks to his home, pulls himself up the front steps, drags himself up to the door, stands up bracing against the house as he unlocks the door, he opens the door and falls flat on his face again, just inside the house.

    “Shhhhh!” Johnny thinks to himself, “or she’ll know ya been out drinking”. So Johnny pulls himself up the stairs and down the hall to his bed room. He pulls himself up at the foot of the bed and falls flat on his face again. He tries again to stand and this time he falls face first into bed and passes out.

    The next morning he is awakened by his wife’s yelling at him. “What’s wrong, darling?” says Johnny. “You were out drinking last night at the tavern down the street” she says. Johnny denies it. “I know you were” she says”the bartender called to tell me you left your wheelchair there again!”

  720. Matt Says:
    April 28th, 2010 at 12:52 pm

    A blonde and a brunette are walking together through the woods when they come upon some tracks. The blonde exclaims, “Oh, look deer tracks!”, and the brunette argues, “those aren’t deer tracks, ya bimbo. They are bear tracks. I have spent a lot of time in the woods and I know what tracks are when I see them!” The blonde disagrees and the two argue back and forth for a long time while they stand over the tracks looking down at them. That’s when they were both run over by the train.

  721. Matt Says:
    April 28th, 2010 at 12:59 pm

    An old Italian lived alone in New Jersey. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard.

    His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

    Dear Vincent,

    I am feeling pretty sad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.


    A few days later he received a letter from his son.

    Dear Papa,
    Don’t dig up that garden. That’s where the bodies are buried.


    At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police
    arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.

    That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

    Dear Papa,

    Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.

    Love you,

  722. Dakota Says:
    April 28th, 2010 at 2:38 pm

    3 men check into a hotel the clerk says ”Well there’s 1 room left,But its haunted.” So the men say ”well we ain’t scared of no ghost.” The 1s’t man walks in and starts to unpack.Then he hears :”Now i got ya where i want ya now i’m gonna eat ya!.He jumps out the window.The second man does the same.The last man hears it goes ”Hmmm.”Looks in the closet sees a monkey picking his nose looking at it and says that long but funny.

  723. hi Says:
    April 28th, 2010 at 4:59 pm

    Well all the jokes (except the ones in the comments) were funny

  724. gaylovisright Says:
    April 28th, 2010 at 7:26 pm

    why did tiger stick his head in the toilet?

    he was looking for pooh

  725. kay Says:
    April 29th, 2010 at 7:18 pm

    Why did the boy eat his homework?
    cause the teacher said it was a piece of cake.

  726. Robotdr99 Says:
    April 29th, 2010 at 9:43 pm

    I have sat here and red all these jokes! Wow. Took me a few hours. I have to admit. Alot of comments are very funny. Best joke was #261.

  727. wow Says:
    May 2nd, 2010 at 1:03 pm

    this is one of my favorite sites as Erin said

  728. sorry Says:
    May 2nd, 2010 at 1:05 pm

    Matt you’r a big liar that joke is 17 years old my grandpa told me about it

  729. uglee Says:
    May 2nd, 2010 at 2:42 pm

    Piss poor jokes, all of them. I laughed more the last time I got a tetanus shot!

  730. crimzin Says:
    May 3rd, 2010 at 7:57 am

    lol i loved the canada one and the british one :)

  731. xt3h0m3g4x Says:
    May 3rd, 2010 at 11:19 pm

    @ Gabriel… you noob… the second joke : -What happened to the two snails that got in a fight? they really slugged it out – is the one that sucked the most… snails and slugs are two different organisms..

  732. Hannie Says:
    May 4th, 2010 at 6:21 am

    I apologize for my severe inconsideration, so allow me to reiderate, there is a tremendous amount of people with no sense of illiteracy.

  733. Littlegrannie Says:
    May 4th, 2010 at 5:55 pm

    what the heck those were not funny!! i am 96 years old and i still don’t think they were funny!

  734. Jay Hickman Says:
    May 5th, 2010 at 7:24 pm

    Most of these jokes were worth reading. Some made me laugh. The Texas Chili cook off joke made me laugh so hard I had to stop reading it 3 times to catch my breath.

    The Canadian joke about the astronauts might have been funny if Canada had ever managed to make it into space themselves.

  735. loren Says:
    May 5th, 2010 at 8:36 pm

    there was a blond walking down the street carrying a fine looking pig. the man asked her where she got the pig. the pig repllied i won her at the fair. then the man (blond) wispers under his breath i want a blond one too. the man then quickly asks the pig where the fair is. the pig says the fair is left. so the man went home.

  736. loren Says:
    May 5th, 2010 at 9:03 pm

    so theres a blond a redhead and a brunette that had just robbed a bank. if they moved the police would shoot. the redhead yelled hurricane and the cops turned around and the redhead got away. the brunette yelled valcano eruption and the cops turned around and the brunette got away. the blond yelled fire and the cops fired their guns at her.

  737. ElvesAreGonnaTakeOverTheWorld Says:
    May 7th, 2010 at 2:21 pm

    Well, sorta mature…

    A man walks into a store with only his boxers on. The clerk asks why he is dressed like that and where he has been. “On top of Blueberry Hill,” he replied. “Then you need to leave. No shoes, no shirt, no service,” said the clerk. The man leaves.
    Another man comes in with only his boxers on. The clerk asks why he is dressed like that and where he has been. “On top of Blueberry Hill,” her replied. “Then you need to leave. No shoes, no shirt, no service.” The man leaves.
    A woman walks into the store with only her undergarments on. “Don’t tell me- you’ve been on Blueberry Hill?”
    “On Blueberry Hill?” the woman replied. “I AM Blueberry Hill.”

  738. katelol888 Says:
    May 8th, 2010 at 1:58 am

    Q.Have you heard the joke about butter?I cant tell you you might spread it!

  739. Kate Says:
    May 8th, 2010 at 2:00 am

    Would do you get when a deer has no eyes? No idea (no eyes deer)

  740. hellomynameisbob Says:
    May 8th, 2010 at 9:36 am

    some of the jokes are okay :)

  741. anonymouse Says:
    May 9th, 2010 at 3:04 pm

    ok well here is a funny joke

    there were kids in a english class one french one german and one latin the teachr said that you have to make a sentenc with the worr pink yello and green the french says i walked down a park and i saw a beatifull lady with a pink ribbon yellow sun and green shose the german says i was walking down the street and i saw a green tree with yello flowers and a pink rose then the latin says i was sittin at my home mindin my own buisness and sudenly the phone goer green green i pink up the phone and say yellow

    i am half latin

  742. HannahBanana Says:
    May 10th, 2010 at 1:01 pm

    ElvesAreGonnaTakeOverTheWorld you stole that joke from me + its not the men have just been on Blueberry hill! It’s the men say ” I have just been doing press ups on mary hill! Mary Hill not Blueberry Hill Nobodys name would be blueberry LOL unless they were from an episode of strawberry shortcake LOL and its press-ups!

  743. Anonymous Says:
    May 10th, 2010 at 2:18 pm

    Your jokes suck major eggs!!!!!

  744. illy Says:
    May 12th, 2010 at 5:47 am

    these jokes suk so does mine probally but heck who cares…
    joke- why was the blonde fired from the m&m factory?

    answer- she threw out all the w’s!

    dumb right….i know….no gassip thou please and if u say a thing…. from me to you shut the hel* up! xoxo love u guys!….by da way to all those peeps tellin peeps to study and do homework…maybe u should consider ur advice……u roasted!

  745. Joe P Says:
    May 13th, 2010 at 9:38 am

    the U.S.A non weasal joke was funny…. but the rest were kinda lame

  746. joana Says:
    May 13th, 2010 at 8:12 pm

    i think your jokes are funny ecpecially the won with the lady and the baby one.

  747. JOSH B Says:
    May 14th, 2010 at 1:03 am

    “ON THE SWING”!!!

  748. st.john Says:
    May 14th, 2010 at 5:27 am

    these are the funny jokes i ever seen. eh?
    am from canada

  749. fat cat Says:
    May 14th, 2010 at 9:00 am

    i like ur joke illy the people in my class was crackin up just now

  750. moshe Says:
    May 16th, 2010 at 6:59 pm

    all of these jokes r not even funny only couple of them r

  751. hannah Says:
    May 17th, 2010 at 2:33 pm

    that joke wasn’t funny it was dumb

  752. samm Says:
    May 18th, 2010 at 5:11 pm

    these jokes suck

  753. John Says:
    May 19th, 2010 at 6:43 pm

    heres a joke: in the old days when men would curse and hit the ground with sticks it was called witchcraft, now it’s called golf.

  754. omg wtf stfu motherf-er Says:
    May 20th, 2010 at 3:54 am

    wow………………………just wow.

    did u hear the joke about the deaf guy? no? well neither did he!

  755. david Says:
    May 21st, 2010 at 7:31 pm

    how are these even funny i mean who in the world likes these jokes

  756. Anonymous Says:
    May 21st, 2010 at 9:54 pm

    shut up with the comments… id like to see you guys make a site like this. oh, heres a good momma joke:
    yo mamas so easy, a caveman can do it

  757. EUSGhillieSniper Says:
    May 25th, 2010 at 8:47 am

    Here Is A Funny Joke For You, The Smart Blonde. A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa.”

    Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.

    The lawyer, now agitated, says, “Okay, if you don’t know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $500.00.”

    This catches the blonde’s attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

    The lawyer asks the first question. “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?”

    The blonde doesn’t say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. “Okay,” says the lawyer, “your turn”.

    She asks the lawyer, “What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?”

    The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00.

    The blonde says, “Thank you,” and turns back to get some more sleep.

    The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, “Well, what’s the answer?”

    Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

  758. EUSGhillieSniper Says:
    May 25th, 2010 at 8:49 am

    A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him: “I’ve kidnapped you.” She then wrote a note saying, “I’ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde.”

    The blonde then pinned the note to the kid’s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

    The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, “How could you do this to a fellow blonde?”

  759. EUSGhillieSniper Says:
    May 25th, 2010 at 8:51 am

    An Irishman walks into a pub. The bartender asks him, “What’ll you have?”

    The man says, “Give me three pints of Guinness please.”

    So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they’re gone. He then orders three more.

    The bartender says, “Sir, you don’t have to order three at a time. I can keep an eye on it and when you get low I’ll bring you a fresh cold one.”

    The man says, “You don’t understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we’d still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three Guinness Stouts too, and we’re drinking together.”

    The bartender thought that was a wonderful tradition. Every week the man came in and ordered three beers.

    Then one week he came in and ordered only two. He drank them and then ordered two more. The bartender said to him, “I know what your tradition is, and I’d just like to say that I’m sorry that one of your brothers died.”

    The man said, “Oh, me brothers are fine — I just quit drinking.”

  760. Anonymous Says:
    May 25th, 2010 at 10:36 am

    I am not so sure about these jokes…

  761. tads Says:
    May 25th, 2010 at 9:37 pm

    How many blonde jokes are their? None, they are all true stories

  762. link Says:
    May 26th, 2010 at 1:56 am

    these jokes rock

  763. link Says:
    May 26th, 2010 at 1:59 am

    the joke about sherlock holmes and dr watson rocked so did poop that one still gets me

  764. noone Says:
    May 26th, 2010 at 7:10 pm

    One day a rabbit and a bear were going poo.the bear said,”do you have any problem with poo?”the rabit said no.So the bear wiped his butt with th rabit.

  765. edy Says:
    May 28th, 2010 at 12:48 am

    there are 3 girls driving in the middle of the desert when all of the sudden the car breaks down. There is a red head, a brunette and a blond. Its very hot and they all want to keep cool. So the red head grabs a water bottle and explains that when she gets hot walking down the desert she will drink some water to keep cool and hydrated. Then the brunette finds an umbrella and explains that she will walk with the umbrella so that it will give her shade and keep her cool. But then they look over at the blond and she her taking off the car door and when shes finished they ask her why she is walking down the desert carrying a car door. She replies. “It’s simple. When ever i get hot i will just roll down the window.” lol

  766. smileguy Says:
    May 29th, 2010 at 1:02 pm

    i have one…..once three guys heard about an enchanted cliff,the legend went that if you had the guts to jump down from it…you would become whatever you shouted on the way down.The first guy jumped and shouted”eagle”.he became an eagle and soared off majestically. The second guy shouted billionaire. suddenly his private jet came and swooped him away.The third guy thought for a bit,and then ran towards the cliff.but just as he’s about to jump,his foot hits a rock breaking he falls,screaminh=”OH SHEEIITT!!” :D roflol

  767. Apollo Says:
    May 30th, 2010 at 2:28 pm

    You bitter people! These jokes are funny! Quit hating on others, and just admit their funny!

  768. s Says:
    June 1st, 2010 at 11:03 pm

    worst jokes .i say

  769. kenan586 Says:
    June 2nd, 2010 at 2:57 pm

    why are graveyards so popular people are dying to get in. lol

  770. kenan586 Says:
    June 2nd, 2010 at 3:02 pm

    Book Titels_
    under the grand stands by C Moore Butts

    Run to the outhouse by I Pee Dayly


  771. ridhima sinha Says:
    June 3rd, 2010 at 2:05 am

    i dont think so they were jokes hey all were horrible

  772. Tim Says:
    June 3rd, 2010 at 3:58 am

    these jokes arent so funny

  773. Grace Says:
    June 3rd, 2010 at 12:17 pm

    Yeah right. Quit being such a killjoy! Everybody has their own opinions. I didn’t laugh out loud at any of them, but they weren’t too bad. I liked the one where the man got the faceplant, that was OK. I wish they’d be a little more funny, though. xxxxxxxxxx ;D

  774. Grace Says:
    June 3rd, 2010 at 12:19 pm

    Edy’s one is funny too!! And smileguy’s one wasn’t too bad either…lol xxxxxxxxxxxx ;D xxxxxxxxx

  775. hello Says:
    June 3rd, 2010 at 4:48 pm

    lol listen to this one… a man decided to go on a vacation to florida with his wife. she couldnt go becouse of a meeting at work, so she decided to come late. once he checked into his hotel he decided to send an email back to his wife. he couldnt remember it and got one letter wrong. instead he sent it to a widow whos husband just died. she screamed and fell down. this is what it said:

    Hey, just checked in, im arranging for you to check in tomorrow. from your loving husband. PS. Its hot down here!

  776. Nick Says:
    June 3rd, 2010 at 8:03 pm

    Who has albino poop? Birds. LOL SMILEY FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  777. Anonymous Says:
    June 3rd, 2010 at 8:58 pm

    have you heard about the dyslexic devil worshiper he sold his soul to Santa!

  778. gtheriorur Says:
    June 3rd, 2010 at 9:00 pm

    Have you heard about the dyslexic devil worshiper he sold his soul to santa

  779. Justin Keeling Says:
    June 5th, 2010 at 12:17 am

    The teacher asked little Johnny to use the word ” definitely ” in a sentence.

    Little Johnny replies, “Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?”

    The Teacher says, “Of course not Johnny,”

    To which Johnny replies, “Then I have definitely crapped my pants”.

  780. Ashlee Says:
    June 5th, 2010 at 1:29 pm

    Why did the rooster cross the road
    A: He was stapled to the chicken

  781. OhMyLanta! Says:
    June 6th, 2010 at 4:22 am

    okay heres another one! I made this up but if someone already posted it then im srry i didnt know!

    A brunette and a blonde are texting each other about the big party next saturday. Here are the messages.
    Brunette: Whatcha wearing 2 da party
    Blonde: A pink dress wit a kity on it
    Brunette: cool.
    Blonde: What time is the party starting?
    Brunette: IDK
    Blonde: What does IDK mean?
    Brunette: I don’t know

  782. bella Says:
    June 7th, 2010 at 9:48 pm

    the first joke was the funniest, and next time write short jokes

  783. bella Says:
    June 7th, 2010 at 9:54 pm

    heres a joke for u why is Cinderella so bad at soccer,because she keeps running away from the ball,,,,,,,,,,, lol

  784. Anonymous Says:
    June 10th, 2010 at 3:18 am

    omg best joke eva: what type of rocks do u find at the bottom of the mississippi river?????

    Wet ones!!! omg hahaha lol

  785. frfhbrifre Says:
    June 10th, 2010 at 9:02 am


  786. Matt Says:
    June 10th, 2010 at 9:49 pm


  787. duaa Says:
    June 14th, 2010 at 3:44 pm

    your jokes are nice very good best of luck im with u thanku bye.

  788. Sophie Says:
    June 15th, 2010 at 10:07 am

    man: i need a robe to wear around my house
    salesman:how big is your house?

  789. Lauren Says:
    June 15th, 2010 at 2:06 pm

    only some of these jokes are funny but still:
    OMG! you scared the crap out of me! take off that mask! its no even close to Halloween… oh wait thats your face… >=D

    not even that funny

    yo mamas so stupid she got hit by a parked car.

    that i laughed my head off at

    some people say this is a blonde joke, but when i heard it it was a yo mama joke:

    yo mamas so stupid she was going to disneyland and saw a sign that said “disneyland left” and she turned around and went home

    i didnt laugh at that one but its still pretty funny

    this is the last yo mama joke. i made this today:

    yo mamas so fat she put sugar on her cake

    and my sister made this up. chinese people dont feel insulted because im chinese too:

    how do chinese people get their last name?
    they throw a tin can at a wall and listen to what sound it makes. PING CHANG WANG!

    hey, you know how back in time people used to eat only to survive? well what if you took a bag of hot cheetoes and gave it to native americans? i can see it now.
    “oh, you eat this to survive?” lol

  790. Angie Says:
    June 17th, 2010 at 10:58 am

    my joke was the funniest. scroll up a bit…..

  791. Orla Says:
    June 17th, 2010 at 12:42 pm

    What did the man say when he walked into a bar?


    Hehe =] =]

  792. baily Says:
    June 17th, 2010 at 10:32 pm

    The one who told us kids to back to our homework wel look whos talking!!!

  793. Lauren Says:
    June 18th, 2010 at 2:03 pm

    This is a bit wrong.

    Yo mamma’s so stupid on her job application when it asked her sex she put,”Mondays, Fridays, and sometimes Wedesdays.” When I heard that I was around a first grader. Thank God she didn’t know what it ment.

  794. E. NELSON Says:
    June 18th, 2010 at 9:36 pm


  795. Ayush Says:
    June 18th, 2010 at 11:56 pm

    hahahaha the best jokes ever!

  796. jack Says:
    June 20th, 2010 at 8:01 am

    how do you make lady gaga cry poke her face

  797. ILOVEJAKE Says:
    June 21st, 2010 at 4:00 am

    Some of these jokes ARE actually offensive + they aren’t funny. I didn’t laugh one single bit!

  798. arthur Says:
    June 22nd, 2010 at 12:01 pm

    not funny

  799. prince Says:
    June 23rd, 2010 at 7:22 am

    i got another 1 for u guys:
    A woman rubs a lamp and out pops a genie. “You’re a kind lady, so I’ll grant you one wish,” the genie tells her.
    “See this cat? I’d rather have a strong, handsome man,” she says.
    The genie agrees and—poof!—the cat turns into a Brad Pitt clone. The woman leaps into his lap.
    “Do you have anything to say before we make love?” she asks.
    “Yes,” he says. “I bet you wish you hadn’t had me neutered last week.”

  800. prince Says:
    June 23rd, 2010 at 7:31 am

    last joke, i hope it’s as gud as de 2 jokes above:
    Vlad gets pulled over after a high-speed car chase. “I’m going to help you out,” says the police officer. “Give me a good excuse and I won’t write you a ticket.” “Three weeks ago, my wife left me for a cop,” Vlad explains. “So when I saw your car coming, I thought you were trying to bring her back.”
    thx for readin all 3.

  801. cheese Says:
    June 25th, 2010 at 2:48 pm

    why are banana’s good at gymnastics? cause they can do the splits

  802. cheese Says:
    June 26th, 2010 at 10:53 am

    what do you call a fish with no eye? a fsh

  803. cheese Says:
    June 26th, 2010 at 10:57 am

    how do you make time fly? throw a clock out the window

  804. ben Says:
    June 28th, 2010 at 10:20 am

    the jokes are alright but i have a joke for ye
    what do ye do when a blond throws a grenade at you?

    you take the pin out and throw it back LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  805. nathan Says:
    June 28th, 2010 at 6:33 pm

    bens one is pretty funny tho!

  806. Jacko Says:
    June 28th, 2010 at 11:01 pm

    Some one told me to go see the movie “The Last Airbender” – I thought I was going to see a documentary on the life of Prince Charles.

  807. hahahaha!! Says:
    July 1st, 2010 at 4:47 pm

    hahah the joke that made me laugh the hardest was rays because it was so dumb and POINTLESS!!!!!!!!! hahahahha get it?!?!? POINTless??!?!? no? ok………………..

  808. aiden Says:
    July 2nd, 2010 at 1:29 am

    why did the man with one hand cross the road!!!!

    because he had to get to the second hand shop!

    funny hey

  809. wonko Says:
    July 3rd, 2010 at 5:01 am

    This is a joke I heard from a friend of mine: A duck with a lisp walks into a Ice cream shop, walks up to the counter and asks “Got any gwapes?” the man at the counter says “Of course we don’t have any grapes, this is an ice cream shop!!!” so the duck walks out. the next day the same duck comes back in and asks the same question, so the man at the counter says “Look we don’t have any grapes, and if you come in and ask me that, I’ll nail your feet to the floor!!!”. So the next day the same duck comes in and asks ” got any nailz?” the man at the counter says ” NO!!! we don’t have any nails!!!” so the duck asks “got any gwapes?”

  810. jonathan bibblekins Says:
    July 3rd, 2010 at 6:08 pm

    hi, i like the number 2

  811. jonathan bibblekins Says:
    July 3rd, 2010 at 6:08 pm

    and 3…

  812. Rebecca Says:
    July 4th, 2010 at 2:48 pm

    there was a blonde, brunett and a red head, and they were getting chased by the police.The girls run into this alley and find 3 sack’s, so they jump into them. the police follow them into the alley and kick the brunett’s bag “meow”… they move along and kick the red head’s sack “woof”… then they kicked the blonde’s sack then they heard “Potatoes”

  813. taylor Says:
    July 6th, 2010 at 1:27 am

    i got a joke why did tigger jump in the toilet hewas loking for pooh

  814. chloe Says:
    July 6th, 2010 at 1:06 pm

    did your cousin realy kill himself if he didnt your sick if he dead god bless you family

  815. karen Says:
    July 6th, 2010 at 1:10 pm

    i like rebbecas joke 10/10 very very well done even though i dont get it at all

  816. john Says:
    July 6th, 2010 at 3:37 pm

    3 girls followed the tracks. the blonde girl followed the tracks and found a deer, the read headed girl found a monkey and the brown headed girl came back with a broken leg and missing teeth and said”I followed the train tracks”

  817. Miku Says:
    July 9th, 2010 at 6:57 pm

    there’s a crazy man in an airplane. he went to the bathroom, pulled out the toilet, and threw it out the window. why?
    -because he was crazy.

    okay, that was a bad one. heres another one.

    a 98 year old lady was taking a walk. she suddenly died. why?
    -not because she’s old, but because the toilet the crazy man threw out the plane window hit her on the head!!


  818. dale degen Says:
    July 10th, 2010 at 2:52 pm

    so these 3 guys walk into a bar and the bartender puts a bb in each of their beers. so the first guy drinks his beer and goes to the bathroom and he comes back out and hes like hey guys guess what their like what and hes like i peed out a bb. so the second guy drinks his beer and goes to the bathroom then he comes back out and hes like hey guys guess what and their like what and hes like i peed out a bb. so the 3rd guy drinks his beer and he goes to the bathroom then about 5 minutes later he comes back out and hes like hey guys guess what and their like u peed out a bb and hes like no i accidentally shot a cat

  819. christopher gibbs Says:
    July 11th, 2010 at 7:04 am

    here is another one

    how do you make the ugliest baby

    ask your mum

  820. Voldemort Says:
    July 12th, 2010 at 10:30 am

    What did one plank say to the other?

    I’m so board…

  821. wewt number 813! wasting my life typing here and so have all of you apperantly.... Says:
    July 13th, 2010 at 9:02 am


  822. jenny Says:
    July 15th, 2010 at 12:40 pm

    I laugh at everything, im just one of those people! I like the ones on here :)!
    Here’s mine….
    A hamburger walks into a bar and asks for a bag of nuts. The bartender sayys ‘Sorry we don’t serve food’!
    Haha :)! x

  823. lucette Says:
    July 16th, 2010 at 3:18 am

    okay…worst jokes ever, seriously. make sure you read them over and LUAGH before you put it up and say that it’s the funnniest joke ever, it will save us ten minutes of reading.

  824. Ritesh tiwari Says:
    July 18th, 2010 at 12:25 pm

    well this are funny but not the best….ha.. ha.. ha…he..he..he

  825. Yeah umm no Says:
    July 19th, 2010 at 12:08 am

    two muffins are in the oven baking
    one looks at the other and says, “Jeez man, its hot in here!”
    the other replies, “HOLY CRAP! A TALKING MUFFIN!”

  826. Bla Bla Girl5839 Says:
    July 20th, 2010 at 8:54 am

    Why would Michael Phelps make a great boyfriend?
    Because he’s a champion breast stroker!

  827. Me Says:
    July 21st, 2010 at 7:56 pm

    A Skeleton walked into a bar and ordered a beer and a mop.

  828. 2 years Says:
    July 23rd, 2010 at 1:44 am

    …these comments have been going on for 2 years

  829. S. Hari Krishnan Says:
    July 26th, 2010 at 5:44 am

    That Sherlock Holmes joke was really thought provoking.

  830. CD Says:
    July 26th, 2010 at 4:13 pm


  831. Ichigo Says:
    July 26th, 2010 at 8:39 pm

    I have a joke that’s better then these top countries:

    There are 4 employee buddies that work in the same company. On their break, they all decided to hang out in the break room together. One of them left to get their drinks while the other 3 were talking about how great their sons were. “My son’s so great, he gave away his favorite brand new car.” “Oh ya? Well, My son’s so great that he gave away all his top stocks.” “Really now? Well, MY son’s so great, he gave away a million dollars.”

    The 4th dad comes back and asks what they were talking about, and they replied that they were just bragging about their sons. “Oh? Well, my son’s great too. He’s a male stripper and he just gt a brand new car, a bunch of stocks, and a million dollars.”


  832. seymour arses Says:
    July 29th, 2010 at 6:26 am

    i went to the doctors wearing my cling film shorts……………..she said i can see your nuts

  833. Says:
    July 30th, 2010 at 11:07 pm

    the jokes WERE pretty lame, but i have a sort of good one.

    a ventriloquist is doing an act and begins telling dumb blonde jokes
    all of a sudden, a blonde chick stands up, walks to the front of the stage and yells “how dare you? how dare you insult me just because of my hair color?!”
    the ventriloquist begins to apologize when the blonde turns a puzzled gaze on him
    “what are YOU apologizing for? I’m talking to that little idiot on your knee!”

  834. dumbtard Says:
    August 1st, 2010 at 11:39 pm

    i have a joke.

    a man was taking a walk in the woods. he saw a bear and got scared so he started to pray. “God, please make this bear a christian so he wont kill me?”

    so the bear got on its knees, put its hands together and said “God, thank you for the meal i am about to eat, Amen”

  835. hello123 Says:
    August 1st, 2010 at 11:42 pm

    yo mama is so stupid she sat on the tv and watched the couch.
    yo mama is so stupid that she tried to wake herself up real early just to see herself sleeping.

  836. hello Says:
    August 3rd, 2010 at 5:36 am

    awsome jokes

  837. cristiano ronaldo Says:
    August 4th, 2010 at 8:45 am

    knock knock
    whos there
    boo who
    no need to cry its only a joke

  838. ashley Says:
    August 4th, 2010 at 1:39 pm

    yo mamma so stupid she got her car keys locked in a motorbike

    yo mamma so ugly she went into the most robbed bank in the world and they turned of the survalance cameras

    whats the definition of blue tack ….. smerf poo

  839. stuart5696 Says:
    August 5th, 2010 at 12:15 pm

    I’ve always liked this joke:

    A man with a black eye is sitting at a bar when another man with a black eye walks in and sits next to him. They both notice eachothers blackeyes and ask eachother how it happened.

    The first man says ” well it was really just a miscommunication problem. I was in line at the airport ticket counter and there was this woman with huge breasts. I was so fascinated by them that instead of asking for two tickets to pittsburg, I asked for two pickets to tittsburg, and she hit me in the face.

    The second guy said ” Wow you know thats what happened to me, just a communication problem. This morning I was eating breakfast with my wife and what I meant to say was ” Honey can you pass the cheerios?” but I accidently said “You ruined my life you blood sucking b*tch!”

  840. bedkins Says:
    August 6th, 2010 at 7:19 am

    a man walk into a bar n asks 4 3 pints of beer n quickly downs them all, waiter asks have ya had a bad week and man replies..yeah i found out my son was gay, next week man comes in agin n asks 4 6 pints of beer and waiter says eeeh another bad week man replies yeah my other son is gay too, next week man comes in agin n asks 4 9 pints and the waiter shouts WHAT THE HELL DO NONE OV UR FAMILY LIKE Women? The man sighs, drinks down his beer, and replies: yeah. My wife.

  841. daytona Says:
    August 6th, 2010 at 9:59 pm

    not funny at all ok the king says get me some ping pong balls to three soldiers. the soldiers got the ping pong balls. the first one got 2463483ping pong balls. the second one got 1449254ping pong balls. the third one came back with two big sacks the king said how much ping pong balls do you have the soldier said ping pong balls i thought you said king kong balls!!!!

  842. daytona Says:
    August 6th, 2010 at 10:04 pm

    i should get a life…yeah

  843. vffffs Says:
    August 7th, 2010 at 2:30 am

    THis is definetly the funniest joke:

    When I die I want to go peacefully…like my grandfather did…in his sleep, not screaming like the passengers in his car.

  844. vffffs Says:
    August 7th, 2010 at 2:32 am

    What is the difference between sin and shame?

    It’s a sin to put in in and a shame to pull it out.

  845. stardust Says:
    August 7th, 2010 at 3:42 am


  846. Anonymous Says:
    August 8th, 2010 at 3:24 pm

    what the heck i don’t get them

  847. anonimas(cant spell it) Says:
    August 9th, 2010 at 6:33 am

    do you get that one allan carr!

  848. Oli Says:
    August 9th, 2010 at 3:18 pm

    Why is the vowel in the word shit made into a *? To protect the young and innocent from seeing the horror that is a vertical vowel?! Or do they hope make them think we’re talking about ‘shut’ or ‘shet’…

  849. bill Says:
    August 10th, 2010 at 9:59 pm

    the jokes r soo not funny =[

  850. Jazz Says:
    August 12th, 2010 at 4:52 am

    Not funny at all .

  851. me Says:
    August 14th, 2010 at 11:26 pm

    there is a Jewish rabbi a catholic priest and an atheist they have a billion dollars and they want to know how much to give to the church the jew suggests “we draw a circle in the dirt throw the money in the air and we give the church all the money in the circle” the catholic suggests they give the church the money outside the circle the atheist suggests we throw the money way in the air and what god wants he keeps.

  852. lop Says:
    August 16th, 2010 at 4:58 pm

    a man goes into a bar with his younger brother and orders two drinks. The bar-man says “that’ll be €10 please”. The mans brother says he’ll pay and put’s ten buttons on the bar.
    The barman isnt too happy and is about to ask them to leave until the older bro calls the barman aside and tells him how his brother is a bit mad and asks him to play along while keeping a tab.
    The barman understands and tells him not to worry so.
    After a few drinks the older brother asks if he can pay the bill and thanks the barman for putting up with his bro. The bar man tells him that it comes to €80 all together.

    The older brother puts a frisby on the counter and tells the barman to keep the change.

  853. master_J Says:
    August 19th, 2010 at 6:51 am

    According to southpark, best show ever btw, in one of their eps, the funniest joke ever goes like this:

    Jimmy: “Hey Eric, do you like fish sticks?”
    Eric Cartman: “Yeah I like fish sticks”
    Jimmy: “WHAT ARE YOU, A GAY FISH???”

    Apparently Kanye West didn’t get it…

  854. Anonymous Says:
    August 19th, 2010 at 8:52 pm

    yea that was pothtic

  855. Blueboy49 Says:
    August 21st, 2010 at 5:08 am

    Most othese jokes are bad

  856. Dizzy Says:
    August 21st, 2010 at 9:42 am

    Wow! 851 comments!! i have read ALL of them ALL of the jokes are funny in my mind!! (all the commens jokes to!!) but im feeling quite dizzy now…

  857. com Says:
    August 21st, 2010 at 10:05 pm

    Q:why did the orange stop rolling down the hill

    A:because he ran out of juice

  858. jason Says:
    August 25th, 2010 at 4:10 am

    these jokes are stupid

  859. jason Says:
    August 25th, 2010 at 4:13 am

    are these jokes supost to be funny because there not

  860. Anonymous Says:
    August 26th, 2010 at 9:48 pm

    worst jokes ever

  861. Baby101 Says:
    August 27th, 2010 at 6:31 am

    I hate to break it to you but…
    These are not funny jokes!!!!!

  862. Destiny Says:
    August 28th, 2010 at 9:20 pm

    Haha I loved the smart Blonde joke!

  863. Anonymous Says:
    August 31st, 2010 at 6:44 pm


  864. Chris Says:
    September 3rd, 2010 at 7:50 pm

    If you throw a blonde women of a huge sky scraper and you throw a feather of a huge sky scraper which would land first?

    The Feather, beacuase the blonde would stop and ask for directions.

  865. Leah Says:
    September 5th, 2010 at 10:50 am

    I never even read the frickin’ jokes but I just like talking.

  866. bfrgjrhbyhtj Says:
    September 7th, 2010 at 3:15 am


  867. Justin Weise Says:
    September 10th, 2010 at 4:36 am

    A little boy came up to his mom and asked “Why is my name flower? ” Because when you were born, a bit of flower dropped on your head. Another boy came up to his mum and asked why his name was rose and got the same reply as the first boy. Rwemdufnvb dun sjcnou? SHUT UP FRIDGE!!! yelled the mom, :) :) :) :):):):):):):):):(:{)

  868. Matt Weise Says:
    September 10th, 2010 at 4:41 am

    yo mamas so stupid she tripped over a cordless phone

  869. kayla Says:
    September 12th, 2010 at 12:10 am

    there the most funniest jokes ever

  870. tito cake Says:
    September 12th, 2010 at 1:18 pm

    two hats were sitting on a hat-rack when one hat said to the other, “u stay right here…ill go on a head” LOL puns ftw

  871. keri Says:
    September 17th, 2010 at 11:31 am

    This is funny this website no one else can do such awesome jokes!I have a funny joke to please try to understand peeps
    There is 3 men in car called poop shut up and mannahs
    poop falls out the car shut up goes to the police standtion pleasemen says whats you name? Shut up
    How dare you say that said the police men were is your mannahs round the back sir scraping up poop!

  872. Emaan Says:
    September 18th, 2010 at 2:38 am

    These jokes were funny

  873. misty Says:
    September 19th, 2010 at 1:04 am

    A blonde and a college professor are sitting next to each other on a plane. As the trip is long, the professor asks her if she’d like to play a fun game to help spend the time. The blonde declines, arguing she’s going to spend her time napping. She leans back in her seat and closes her eyes.

    The professor, however, insists: But it’s a very funny game! Here, let me explain it to you. I ask you a question and, if you don’t know the correct answer, you have to give me 5 dollars and vice-versa. The blonde refuses to play, which aggravates the man. Fine! What if you gave 5 dollars for each question you don’t know the answer to, while I’ll give you 500 for every question I don’t know the answer to? What do you say to that?

    This offer, heaven knows why, seems to arouse the blonde’s attention, who reluctantly agrees to play.

    The professor’s first question is: What is the distance between the Earth and the Moon? Without a word, and before wasting any time, the blonde opens her wallet and hands the professor a five dollar bill. Next, she asks him a question: What has four legs before climbing up a mountain and only three after climbing it down?

    The professor is speechless for a moment. Straight away, he starts his computer and searches the Internet, while also e-mailing a few of his peers, asking for help. He also makes a couple of phonecalls. Meanwhile, the blonde falls asleep.

    After almost an hour’s worth of suffering and despair, unable to obtain an answer, he wakes the blonde up and hands her a five hundred dollar bank note. She accepts and falls back asleep. Enraged, the professor wakes her up again and shouts: Wait a minute! This isn’t over… What’s the answer? Apparently drowsy and without uttering a word, the blonde opens her wallet again and takes out another five dollar bill which she hands over to the professor. She reclines back in her chair and falls back asleep.

  874. lovemi Says:
    September 19th, 2010 at 9:34 am

    yr jokes aren’t so funny! Its a shame ofcourse
    Blake is right…

  875. lovemi Says:
    September 19th, 2010 at 9:36 am

    stupid jokes
    not jokes!
    i mean stuff!!

  876. Shapiro Says:
    September 21st, 2010 at 5:56 am

    South African Joke:

    Zulubhoy walks into a bank and says to the teller: ‘put all the money in the bag or else you’l become Geography..The teller burst into a brief laughter and asks..u meant to say History?
    ‘Dont change the subject’ says Zulubhoy.

  877. Irene Says:
    September 21st, 2010 at 6:49 pm

    omg i dont know about you guys but #323 what the best xD or is it that im stupid lol whatever, so hi there umm lets see i think i have a joke thats lame stupid and non funny k ready? awesome xD

    ice cream is a liquid, get it melted ice cream xD no that wasnt funny lol okay let me try again lol
    um what do you say to a dog when it says boof boof xD you say um…wtf idk what im saying lol anywho if you have a mocospace add me haha X_Xvampire_loverX_X stfu bye byexD

  878. wow Says:
    September 23rd, 2010 at 10:15 pm

    “93.58% of all statistics ARE MADE UP ON THE SPOT.” get it?

  879. horsegirl14 Says:
    September 24th, 2010 at 2:22 pm

    hey yo. try this joke. “…….911 what’s your emergency?… My wife’s having a baby!!!!!…. Well sir, is this he first time?… No I’m her second husband!!!!… Lol. This made all my friends laugh at my old high school. hahahahaha. hope that you love it. And also try this blonde joke: How do you kill a blonde?….-You put a scratch & sniff sticker on the bottom of a 10ft. pool. lol. Have fun. And if you love yourself with all your heart, your day goes by alot easier. Love you all. and Goodbye.

  880. poop munster Says:
    September 25th, 2010 at 9:40 pm

    one day there was a blonde, brunnet, and a red head. They all lived in hell, and satin said if they could make it up a flight of 100 stairs without laughing he would send them to heavn. The brunnet made it up 36 steps, satin told a joke and she laughed. The red head made it up 68 step, satin told a joke and she laughed. The blonde made it up 99 steps and laughed. Satin said,”what are you laughing for dumbA**.I haven’t told a joke yet.” Then the blonde said i just got the first joke” #####poop munster######

  881. Mrgrulzmenrtghd_ Says:
    September 26th, 2010 at 2:09 am

    This website makes be very sad, the grammar that has been used in the comments are simply disgraceful.

  882. ashley Says:
    September 26th, 2010 at 10:31 am

    that stupid song up there is reaally anoying stupid ass song damn…………..

  883. this is a dumb site Says:
    September 26th, 2010 at 11:26 am

    i hav had enough of ppl sayin to go on this website is so crap man change it i hav read all of jokes on here and der all lame dude if u want funny pll go to the crapiest jokes at least it will save u from dis website lol

  884. tyler Says:
    September 28th, 2010 at 7:26 am

    two crisps were walking on the pavment when a car pulled up and said do you want a lift the crisps said no were walkers

  885. Anonymous Says:
    September 28th, 2010 at 1:36 pm

    you are stuped

  886. tttme Says:
    September 28th, 2010 at 5:20 pm

    ok therre this wishing clift one gy comes and says gold and falls in a pill of gold the other won comes and says silver and falls in a pill of silver a nother gy comes trips and says shit.

  887. Ryan Says:
    September 30th, 2010 at 6:48 pm

    I have a joke its about blonds they were in this car and the girl who was driving she said is the indicator working the other girl said yes,no yes,no yes, no yes,no over and over again.

  888. jokedose Says:
    October 1st, 2010 at 5:29 am

    Please visit for hilarious jokes.

    One of them for you,
    A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a full length mirror. This does little to

    help, as now she just stands in front of the mirror, looking at herself, asking him how she looks.

    One day, fresh out of the shower, she is yet again in front of the mirror, now complaining that her breasts are

    too small. The husband comes up with a suggestion. “If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a

    piece of toilet paper, and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds.”

    Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper, and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it

    between her breasts. “How long will this take?” she asks.

    “They’ll grow slightly larger every day over a period of years,” he replies.
    The wife stops. “Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my

    breasts grow over the years?”

    The husband shrugs. “Why not, it worked for your butt, didn’t it?”

  889. clinty Says:
    October 1st, 2010 at 9:13 pm

    paddy and tommy were getting on a rollercoaster, paddy turns to tommy and says ”if this thing turns upside down will we fall out?? ”god no says tommy,sure we’ve been friends for years!!

  890. Spython Says:
    October 2nd, 2010 at 8:39 am

    Come on has nobody ever seen monty python their jokes have to be some of the best ever! so simple and yet so so funny. i think various scenes from the holy grail beat these jokes hands down. (i do like the duck joke though)

  891. the avenger Says:
    October 3rd, 2010 at 9:28 am

    so funny wetting my pants
    whats funny

    your face lol

  892. why do you what to know my name? Says:
    October 6th, 2010 at 4:43 pm

    why is there so many people saying i hate your jokes. the world voted in 2002 idiots

  893. QK Says:
    October 6th, 2010 at 9:55 pm

    OK, everyone who is freaking out about how bad the jokes are have a queer sense of humour. you need to calmer down you only live life once so stop fricken complaining and try to enjoy yourself. anyways:

    a redneck walks into a bar and sits down beside a large man.
    after he gets his drink the big fella hits him in the back and says “that was a judo-chop from japan!” the redneck ignores him and resumes his drink.
    after a few more moments the large man hits him in the back again and says “that was a karate-chop from korea!” the redneck gets up and leaves because hes angry.
    a while later he comes back and whacks the big man in the back of the head and says to the bartender “when he wakes up, tell him that was a crowbar from K-mart.”

    peace QK!!!!!

  894. katee Says:
    October 8th, 2010 at 4:09 pm

    These jokes are funny! But it’s probably just me, cause I’m immature. :)

  895. eghy Says:
    October 9th, 2010 at 12:11 am

    mine is funny?

  896. Anonymous Says:
    October 9th, 2010 at 10:15 am

    thats funny

  897. Wowilovechili Says:
    October 10th, 2010 at 2:53 pm

    I cried i was laughing so hard at the chili one. i am using that one for my joke list!

  898. Wowilovechili Says:
    October 10th, 2010 at 3:03 pm

    here’s a joke:
    a man walks into a bar. he sits down and starts talkin to a man sitting next to him. he then gets up on the bar and puts a shot glass at one end. he tells the bartender. ” ill bet you 100 dollars i can fill up that shot glass with pee.” the bartender thinks for a moments and comes up with the conclusion, what the hheck, he probably cant fill it up anyway. so he accepts. the man starts peeing everywhere, even on the bartender a little bit. but he didnt mind because he was getting 100$$ richer. the man smiles and the bartender asks him, “why are you smiling? and he says, ” cause i just bet the guy over there 1000$$$ that icould pee on u and you would be happy!”

  899. Anonymous Says:
    October 11th, 2010 at 8:09 pm

    hey sean, that joke you “made up” is right here.

  900. Anonymous Says:
    October 12th, 2010 at 12:40 pm

    not funny

  901. Anonymous Says:
    October 15th, 2010 at 9:19 pm

    the baby and the mom on the bus was the funniest to me

  902. Bob Says:
    October 16th, 2010 at 9:29 am

    luv these jokes

  903. bob the builder Says:
    October 18th, 2010 at 6:22 pm

    o here is one bob is bill and we are god so who is u A god B people C poop D toilet??????????? if you chose d you are not correct if u put c u are correct

  904. Fuuunnnaayyy Says:
    October 20th, 2010 at 10:50 am

    A blonde walks into a bar. she is texting her boyfriend. she tells him that shes breaking up with him. he texts bk saying idk. She goes around to everyone in the bar asking what idk means..the last person in the bar says ( when she asks him) what dus idk mean? he said i dont know…She replied by saying ugh no1 seems to know!!
    Btw idk means i dont know lol

  905. Rachel Says:
    October 20th, 2010 at 2:26 pm

    a man goes on holiday and leaves his cat with his brother while he stays with his aunt abroad.

    A few weeks later, he calls up his brother and asks him how his cat is.
    ‘hes dead.’
    ‘That is so mean you could’ve told me something soothing like, I don’t know. How he got killed. He got hit by a car or he got stuck on the roof and we’re having trouble getting her down and she fell.’
    ‘ok sorry man I won’t do it again.’
    ‘so how’s mum’
    ‘Well… She’s up on the roof and we’re having trouble getting her down….’

    PS- I didn’t make up this joke

  906. Em Says:
    October 20th, 2010 at 4:31 pm


    You have reached the Wolverhampton Mental Health Hotline:
     If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 over and over and over again.
     If you are multiple personality, press 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 and 8.
     If you are hysterical, don’t touch any buttons, something terrible might happen!
     If you are paranoid, there’s no need to touch any buttons, we know who you are, we know where you live and we will be coming to get you very soon.
     If you are a psychopath, rip the cord out of the wall and run away with the phone.
     If you are an anal retentive psychopath, take the phone apart, place each piece in a plastic bag and then place all the plastic bags in one large paper bag. Then put the paper bag in the south east corner of your freezer.
     If you are depressed, don’t press any buttons, it won’t do you any good anyway.
     If you are manic, press as many buttons as you can as fast as possible.
     If you are a kleptomaniac, go to your neighbour’s house, steal their phone and call again.

  907. Em Says:
    October 20th, 2010 at 4:47 pm

    Fun at the Office
    33 Ways to Annoy People

    1. Leave the photocopier set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17-inch paper, 99 copies.

    2. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

    3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.

    4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it with your pen while talking to others.

    5. Insist that your email address is:
    [email protected].

    6. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronised chair dancing.

    7. Reply to everything someone says with, “That’s what YOU think.”

    8. Practice making fax and modem noises.

    9. Highlight irrelevant material in scientific websites and “cc” them to your boss.

    10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

    11. Finish all your sentences with the words “in accordance with prophecy.”

    12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

    13. Disassemble your pen and “accidentally” flip the cartridge across the room.

    14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

    15. Adjust the tint on your monitor so that all people are green and insist you like it that way.

    16. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

    17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.

    18. Wave to strangers from your office window.

    19. Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.


    21. type only in lowercase.

    22. Don’t use any punctuation anytime anywhere ever and I mean never do you understand

    23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and re-route the office.

    24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: “Do you hear that?”, “What?”, “Never mind, it’s gone now.”

    25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

    26. Try playing the William Tell overture (the Lone Ranger theme) by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce: “No, wait I messed it up” and repeat.

    27. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

    28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

    29. In the memo field of all your checks write “for sensual massage”.

    30. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

    31. Send email to the rest of the company to tell them what you’re doing. For example, “If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the bathroom, in stall #3.”

    32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble the answers in a notebook. Mutter something about “psychological profiles”.

    33. Tell your boss, “It’s not the voices in my head that bother me, it’s the voices in your head that do.”

  908. Boss Says:
    October 22nd, 2010 at 6:17 am

    First 2 jokes you kidding me they are world funniest jokes. probably someone dumb and stupid voted or some one with no sense of humor to find those besrt jokes in the world.f*** that noise

  909. funny guy 106784 Says:
    October 23rd, 2010 at 4:06 pm

    why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?

    she didn’t want to wake the sleeping tablets

  910. i HOPE it WORKS Says:
    October 25th, 2010 at 9:57 pm

    wow you guys are sad…

  911. lou lou Says:
    October 26th, 2010 at 5:15 pm

    haha very funny, i l;ove these joke sites. hi all have a good laugh next time you read them. lol

  912. ibobbydk Says:
    October 28th, 2010 at 7:11 pm


  913. la la loop.x Says:
    October 29th, 2010 at 3:00 pm

    i like the second last comment the best..u guys really are sad

    and fyi those jokes up above were fine, its your comments that are well lame…get a life, stop mocking stuff u cant understand and smilllleee =)

  914. best joke to tell kids Says:
    October 29th, 2010 at 10:44 pm

    Q:whats white and flies through the jungle?
    A: A FRIDGE!

  915. Anonymous Says:
    October 29th, 2010 at 11:58 pm

    hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha these are funny

  916. Ivan Says:
    October 30th, 2010 at 2:19 pm

    OK here’s one of my jokes :
    The teacher asks Sam:Sam, when do u need to type big letters?
    Sam says:When someone can’t see very well, teacher.

  917. Ivan Says:
    October 30th, 2010 at 2:43 pm

    Here`s another one:
    A man tells a joke to another man
    The joke is :A duck walks into a bar and asks, “Got any grapes?”The bartender looks puzzled and says, “No.”Duck asks the same question. “Got any grapes?”"No, this is a bar. We don’t have any grapes,” the bartender says.The duck again asks, “Got any grapes?”The bartender loses it. “Listen, we don’t have any grapes. Now get out ofhere. And if you come back again, I’ll take a hammer and nails and nailyour friggin’ webbed feet to the floor.”The duck leaves. The next day, the duck returns. “You got any nails?”The bartender says, “No.”The duck perks up. “Got any grapes?”
    Then the second joke is:2 men were walking through the desert, one carrying a telephone box, the other carrying a lamp post. the man with the lamp post asks the other man “why are you carrying a phone box?”. “well” he says “when the lions come i can hide in it and i’ll be safe. Why are you carrying a lamp post?”. “Well” replies the first man “when the lions come i can drop it and i’ll be able to run faster”.
    And the third was:
    One day, a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, with no scuba gear on whatsoever. The diver went below another 10 feet, but the guy joined him a minute later. The diver went below 15 more feet, and a minute later, the same guy joined him. This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof pad and pencil, and wrote, “Amazing! How are you able to stay this deep down without equipment?” The guy took the pencil and pad, erased what the diver had written, and wrote, “I’m drowning, you moron!”
    The other man said:So was i supposed to LAUGH or ro say BOO

  918. Sumeer Says:
    November 1st, 2010 at 4:50 am

    mother-in-laws and daughter in laws hate each other but were forced to go on a holiday together . the mother in laws and daughter in laws were in separate buses,as on the long road, the mother in laws tell their bus driver to overtake the dawter in laws bus and race them. the dawter in laws saw the other bus trying to race so told their bus driver to race as well. both buses were head on head ,but then the motherinlaws bus meets in an accident and they all die. the dawterinlaws start celebrating, popping champagne and dancing, but then while the dawterinlaws celebrate they see 1 dawterinlaw at the back of the bus crying, they couldnt understand why that dawterinlaw is so disheartened, so they went up to her and asked “whats wrong ? our troubles are over” the sad daughterinlaw replies “my motherinlaw missed the bus”

  919. Neil Jose Antony Says:
    November 1st, 2010 at 6:35 am

    Not bad. The Sherlock Holmes one was cool.I loved the one about the chilli tasting contest. Make more jokes like this.I have a good joke.What did the traffic light say to the car…… Don’t look I’m changing!!!

  920. Neil Jose Antony Says:
    November 1st, 2010 at 6:40 am

    This joke really cracked me up. What did the big telephone say to the little one…. You’re too young to be engaged.And what do you mean by Your comment is awaiting moderation.

  921. Neil Jose Antony Says:
    November 1st, 2010 at 6:44 am

    Hey do you publish only good jokes or whatever rubbish people write. I wrote some nonsense ty5eytyruru and you puplished it who are you anyway.

  922. Neil Jose Antony Says:
    November 1st, 2010 at 6:47 am

    I wrote publish okay, not puplish.

  923. ap7up Says:
    November 1st, 2010 at 2:14 pm

    it so scary to see a bear and beer at the same timeone get you and the lets you down which is which

  924. SOCKS1ROCK Says:
    November 1st, 2010 at 7:53 pm

    ok,ok. this is seriously funny.(no offense to the blondes out there)

    One day, in the middle of Kansas, there was a huge “BLONDES ARE NOT STUPID” convention. There were 40,000 blondes that had attended. The host of the convention (A burnette) finally calms them all down and greets them. And of course the event is being recorded for all of America. The host asks for a volenteer and chooses a blonde from the crowd. The girl walks up smiling abnoxiously. The host asks her a simple math question:
    What is 4×2?
    After a few minutes, the blonde answers: 76?
    The host answers no.
    The crowd chants”Give her another chance!Give her another chance!” So the host says ok and asks the blonde:
    What is 5+4?
    After a moment, the girl answers: 47?
    The host starts to get annoyed and says no. Again the crowd chants “Give her another chance!”
    The host says “Well since we went through the trouble of getting all 40,000 of you here, why not?” So now the host asks her: What is 2+2.
    After a minute, the blonde says: 4?
    And the crowd starts chanting” Give her another chance! Give her another chance!”

  925. young ppls SOWMYA comedian Says:
    November 2nd, 2010 at 2:51 am

    those jokes are pretty famous, you know…try to make up a better one YOURSELF….. well heres one- i didnt make it up but its funny..

    A guy hears a knowck on his door, but hes to tired to answer it. He ignores it. Again, he hears a knowck which he ignores again, the same thing happens a couple more times and finally the angry man stands up, strides to the door, flings it open and looks around. On the floor is a snail. He picks it up and throws it as far as he can. 3 years later, theres a knock on the door. Its the snail and it says “what the hell was that all about?!!”

  926. judy Says:
    November 4th, 2010 at 4:12 pm

    What do you do if a blonde throws a granade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.

    What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
    Run!she’s got a granade in her mouth.


  927. Sunny Says:
    November 5th, 2010 at 4:52 am

    A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”

  928. Fifi Says:
    November 7th, 2010 at 7:26 pm

    Well those jokes that were “the funniest jokes in the world” are just clever in my opinion, like they didn’t have me rolling on the floor hysterically laughing if you know what I mean, I’ve heard better.

  929. Anonymous Says:
    November 11th, 2010 at 2:41 pm

    i got a joke:whats the diffrence between roast beef and pea soup?eveybody can roast beef but no one can pee soup lol

  930. maxstern Says:
    November 11th, 2010 at 10:15 pm

    the last two were hella funny

  931. mecklhi01 Says:
    November 12th, 2010 at 9:42 pm

    i love the duck one hellarious

    November 13th, 2010 at 3:41 pm

    maybe cause you guys dont like these jokes are cause you have no humor

  933. Anonymous Says:
    November 13th, 2010 at 9:52 pm

    Hmm, I think most universally appealing joke might be a more accurate description than funniest.

  934. someone Says:
    November 16th, 2010 at 7:56 am

    Why did the jellytot go to school?

    Because he wanted to be a smarty!

  935. hi there Says:
    November 18th, 2010 at 7:02 pm

    A man walks in to a bar.
    guess what he says?

  936. ba Says:
    November 22nd, 2010 at 2:03 am

    what is that

  937. blid Says:
    November 22nd, 2010 at 5:34 pm

    two muffins in an oven
    one muffin says ‘hell its hot in ere’
    the other one says ‘ bloody hell, a talking muffin’

  938. hjalte Also Says:
    November 25th, 2010 at 11:56 am

    Good news – two boys went out one day climbing trees.
    Bad news – one of them fell out.
    Good news – there was a hammock beneath him.
    Bad news – there was a rake beside the hammock.
    Good news – he missed rake.
    Bad news – he missed the hammock too.

  939. Googlez Says:
    November 27th, 2010 at 9:45 pm

    hey some of the jokes were kinda strange, not funny, mean, or stupid. mine might be one of them:

    There was a blond a brunette, and a red head that were being chased by a serial killer. And there were 3 potato bags on the floor, so each one of them went into a different potato bag. The killer looked and looked until he found 3 potato bags. he kicked the bag that the red head was in and she said “Meow”. And the killer is like…oh it’s just a cat…then he kicks the bag with the brunette…she goes woof woof…and the killer says…hm, it’s just a dog. Then the killer kicks the bag with the blonde and she goes…POTATOES!!!!!!!!!!!!

  940. funny Says:
    November 30th, 2010 at 3:50 am

    you lot are so not… FUNNY!!!!!

    Q:what go’s up slowley and down fast?

    A:a elphent in a lift

    he he he

    Q:what do snakes wright on the end of lettres
    x x
    A:hugs and hisses hiss hiss

    hehehehehehehe hahahahahahahaha
    so funny

  941. Tam2n1 Says:
    December 2nd, 2010 at 10:45 pm

    You ppl on here that are all like ” oh none of these jokes are funny..” you think you’re all just too cool for anyone don’t you? get a sense of humour already or get off!

  942. cheryyyy Says:
    December 4th, 2010 at 3:42 am

    nice jokes !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  943. Sharon Says:
    December 4th, 2010 at 5:35 pm

    Some of you are repeating the same jokes that others posted-DUH! Now that’s funny hahhaa

  944. halt95 Says:
    December 4th, 2010 at 9:06 pm

    i like them

  945. Get a life Says:
    December 5th, 2010 at 4:30 pm

    There is way too much comments here…. you guys need to get a life, who cares? and dont say ooooh then why did you post a comment?

  946. Hunter Funny Says:
    December 8th, 2010 at 2:55 am

    Great jokes! I loved the hunter one! LOLZ!

  947. ahaha Says:
    December 8th, 2010 at 4:42 am

    four men get shipwrecked on a cannibal infested island. The leader of the cannibals say to the three men, i will not eat you if you go out into the forest and collect 100 fruit. So the men go into the jungle and the first man comes backl with 100 grapes. The cannibal then tells him if you can shove all 100 of them up your bum without laughing i will let you go free. So the man starts, and gets to 97 grapes before he bursts out laughing. He gets devoured. The second man gets back with some cranberries. The leader tells him the same as the first man and reaches 98 cranberries before he bursts out laughing. The cannibal says whats funny? I have to eat you now! But the man is laughing too hard, and cannot answer. He is devoured. The third man gets back with 100 tomatoes, and the same thing happens. This man manages 99 before he starts laughing. The leader says, why are you laughing? I will eat you now! So the man stops laughing, and manages to say, my other friend is collecting pineapples!

  948. L Says:
    December 9th, 2010 at 1:56 am

    only some of these jokes are funny,The funnyest joke i have herd is: A cat lost its tail, and went to coles. why coles? HELLOOOOOOOO coles is the bigest re-tail-er in austraila.

  949. The most awsome person in the world:P Says:
    December 10th, 2010 at 11:02 pm

    this is the best site and the comments are better than the jokes but i’ve got one here its not very funny but here it is
    a lady had just moved into her house she was wondering what to call her house, she asked her neighbour what to call her house and her neighbour siad walk down the road and around the corner and what ever you see thats what you should call your house, so she walked down the road and around the corner and she saw a bum so she called her house bum.
    a few weeks latter she brought a dog an she was wondering what to call her house, she asked her neighbour what to call her dog and her neighbour siad walk down the road and around the corner and what ever you hear thats what you should call your dog, so she walked down the road and around the corner and she heard a crack so she called her dog crack.
    A few weeks later the lady lost her dog so she called the cops and said i looked all over my bum but i couldent find my crack.
    hilarious isnt it? :P

  950. deadlier Says:
    December 11th, 2010 at 11:31 am

    hi buddies love ur jokes

  951. Anonymous Says:
    December 13th, 2010 at 7:36 pm

    hear this:there were 3 bats one night.they had nothing to do,so they say they goin ah to see who could suck d most d first one come back with blood on he lip they say way u get all that from he say u see d cat over there i suck that.d 2th one gone .he come back with blood on he face.way u get all that blood from.he say that cow over there i suck that.the last one gone now he come back with blood on he head.they ask him how u get blood on your head he say WELL U SEE THAT TREE OVER THERE I DID NOT SEE IT

  952. Anonymous Says:
    December 14th, 2010 at 10:37 am

    AAAAAAAAAHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! after 5 minutes, I’m still laughing at the one from canada!!! it’s the best joke I’ve ever heard.
    ahahahahaa, 10 years, 12 billion dollars, while the russian sinmply used a pencil!!! LMAO

  953. Chuck Luck Says:
    December 15th, 2010 at 8:09 pm

    While Standing At The Top Of The Roof, the Blonde And The Red Head Were Talking

    Blonde – “I Bet You I Can Make It Down This Building The Fastest.”

    Red Head – “Ok Fine, On The Count Of 3 We’ll Jump”

    They Both Jumped At The Same Time.

    Ten Minutes Later The Blonde See’s The Red Head At The Bottom Of The Building.

    Red Head – “Where The Hell Were You?”

    Blonde – “Sorry I Had To Stop For Directions”

    Stupid Joke I Know, But I Hope You Liked It Vote Me! And Call Me By Chuck!! :)

  954. secret Says:
    December 16th, 2010 at 5:01 pm

    lolloloololooloololoolololooloololooolololool. the russian joke is not accurate. in space, the pencil tip would break off in zero gravity and puncture someones eye

  955. Anonymous Says:
    December 18th, 2010 at 2:34 pm

    the best jokes ive heard

  956. Anonymous Says:
    December 18th, 2010 at 3:31 pm

    Husband and wife has a new jst brought a new computer .
    Wife :okay baby we gotta make a password for your account
    Husband: my password is my penis
    the wifes start laughin
    the computer said error to small

  957. Janessa Says:
    December 19th, 2010 at 8:53 am

    Oh jeez.
    that was the most weirdest but funniest joke i evah heard!!


  958. ADamnFuck'nGoodOne Says:
    December 20th, 2010 at 7:36 pm

    There are a blonde, a redhead, and a brunet stuck on an island. Fill out the rest and it will be a funny joke.

  959. ADamnGoodOne Says:
    December 20th, 2010 at 7:37 pm

    There are a redhead/ blonde/ brunet on an island. Fill in the rest.

  960. AGoodOne Says:
    December 20th, 2010 at 7:37 pm

    There are a blonde/redhead/brunet on an island. fill in the rest.

  961. budakdusun Says:
    December 26th, 2010 at 9:16 am

    i like the comments better :D
    and they ARE HILARIOUS!

  962. Sarah Says:
    December 26th, 2010 at 2:48 pm

    The jokes are alright but the best i’ve heard(it’s not mine) was:

    There was a child who got on a bus and kept shouting ‘if my mum was a mummy elephant and my dad was a daddy elephant, I would be a baby elephant’ and he continued doing that with several different animals. Soon the bus driver got annoyed and shouted to the child ‘what if your father was a tramp and your mother was a prostitute?’ the child simply replied ‘then I would be a bus driver’

    That is the best! lol

  963. aguilus Says:
    December 27th, 2010 at 1:34 am

    by the way not funny

  964. samia Says:
    December 27th, 2010 at 3:10 pm

    why did the cow cross the road?

    beacuse she wanted to go to the mooooooooooovies!

  965. gdfgfghsfj Says:
    December 28th, 2010 at 1:41 pm

    Here is a joke!

    A girl drives into a dudes monster truck. the dude that owns the truck comes to her and says hmmphhhh and grabs a stick and draws a circle in the ground and says dont get out of the circle. Then the dude goes up to her car and tears out the leather seats and stabs it with a knife, he turns around and sees the girl laughing. then he goes to the expensive sterio system and rips it out and cuts the wires, he turns and sees the girl laughing even harder. then he gets confused and walks up to her and says whats so funy! the girl says with a chuckle “every time you turned around I stepped out of the circle!!!

  966. ilovehoney Says:
    December 28th, 2010 at 3:51 pm

    jokes are ok! if they make you laugh a little then good all those who dont like em thats your opnion but ppl have taken the time to try and cheer some ppl up so i think you should take your negative comments somewhere else!

  967. Sahra Says:
    December 29th, 2010 at 7:51 am

    These Jokes Yhh R Barre Dryy!!!!Annd Sozz Wott Happend 2 Urr Cuz Blake!

  968. Anonymous Says:
    December 29th, 2010 at 6:08 pm

    why did the teddy bear not want is dinner ?? he was stuffed

  969. leo Says:
    December 30th, 2010 at 7:30 pm

    a lot of comments here almost 1000!!!8)

  970. DUUUUUUUUUH Says:
    January 1st, 2011 at 4:30 pm


  971. DUUUUUUUUUH Says:
    January 1st, 2011 at 4:32 pm

    man who stands on tiolet is high on pot.

  972. Mai The Level 49 Duck Master Says:
    January 3rd, 2011 at 4:01 pm

    You don’t like the jokes, Naruto, don’t say so, jerk. I liked the one from Belgium ^_^
    Y’all have a good day.

  973. kaylee Says:
    January 4th, 2011 at 2:37 pm

    these are the most stupidest jokes if ever heard my moms funny than this when she dances she dances like a maniac not funny at all

  974. joker (not really) Says:
    January 9th, 2011 at 11:25 am

    three possible reasons why Moses led the children of Israel through the wilderness for forty years :

    1) God was testing them.

    2) God wanted them to really appreciate the promised land.

    3) Moses refused to ask for directions.

  975. comtrk"z Says:
    January 20th, 2011 at 11:05 am

    these jokes r terrible

  976. jerkin_boii Says:
    January 20th, 2011 at 2:42 pm

    A man buys a horse from a horse salesmen, the horse salesmen says. “Now to make her go say, oh lord.” “To make her stop say jesus.” “To make her jump say Thank God.”

    So the man hops on the horse, and screams. ” Oh lord.” Then the horse zooms off. Then all of a sudden a cliff comes up, and the man says. “Jesus!” Then the horse skids to the edge of the cliff.
    Then the man says. “Whew.” “Thank God!”

    The horse jumped off the cliff( for the people that didn’t get it.(

  977. rhokoln Says:
    January 20th, 2011 at 4:05 pm

    these jokes are super lame change them even if im 10 these jokes are not funny

  978. vicky26 Says:
    January 20th, 2011 at 8:17 pm

    this is not a really funny joke but ok plz no comments ok here i go

    do you know whats up

    its the sky

    thats all i guess it was ok

  979. Jokster Says:
    January 25th, 2011 at 1:59 pm

    A blonde got tired of being thought dumb, so she dyed her hair brunette. One day she was riding in the country and saw sheep in a field. Determined to show she was not dumb, she stopped and bet the farmer that she could guess how many sheep he had in the field. The farmer tells her if she guesses right, she can have one sheep. So the blonde tells him there are 123 sheep in the field. The farmer was shocked she guessed correctly and told her she could pick out the sheep she wanted. The blonde puts it in the back seat and is driving away when the farmer stops her and asked her “You’re really a blonde aren’t you?”….The blonde says “Yes, how did you know?” The farmer opened the car door, looked in the back seat and whistled, “Come on Rover”.

  980. michelle Says:
    January 25th, 2011 at 2:08 pm

    f*******off fatima

  981. blahblahblah Says:
    January 27th, 2011 at 3:43 pm

    everyone on this site needs to stop and get off and d homework or something!

  982. Eddy Says:
    January 28th, 2011 at 8:20 pm

    What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
    Pull the pin and throw it back!

  983. greenfletcher Says:
    February 1st, 2011 at 8:57 pm

    What is the last thing a redneck says before he dies?
    Hey man, watch this.

  984. greenfletcher Says:
    February 1st, 2011 at 9:05 pm

    Why don’t they have Christmas in Georgia?
    They can’t find three wise men or a virgin.

  985. chuky Says:
    February 3rd, 2011 at 7:40 am

    come on those jokes :( just bad yo mama so stupid that locked herself in the bathroom and peed her pants

  986. jclong Says:
    February 3rd, 2011 at 2:15 pm

    canada joke was funny…so was the sherlock holmes one but other than that they sucked…

  987. Cameron Says:
    February 3rd, 2011 at 3:22 pm

    What’s the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?

    A bad golfer goes “*WHACK* Dang!” and a bad skydiver goes

    “Dang! *WHACK*”

  988. It Says:
    February 3rd, 2011 at 8:57 pm

    I went to a fight the other day and a hocky match broke out.

  989. greenfletcher Says:
    February 4th, 2011 at 8:50 am

    Why is it so hard to solve a redneck murder or identify the body?
    All of the DNA matches and there are no dental records.

  990. jokeluver Says:
    February 4th, 2011 at 4:02 pm

    in the navy john’s mother died and the ccommander was asked to deliever the news. At the morining inspection he screamed ‘JOHN YOUR MOTHER IS DEAD’
    the deputy whispers in the commander’s ear ‘that was very insensitive of you’
    So the next week Carl’s mom dies and again the same commander is asked to deliever the news to him
    at the morining inspection with everyone lined up he says ‘everyone with a mother step foward,Carl not soo fast’

  991. jokeluver Says:
    February 4th, 2011 at 4:08 pm

    a town is upset because noone bothers to attend town meetings so this week they decided to have entertainment at the meeting. A world class hypnotist was brought.The townhall was packed and it was also on tv.The hypnotist gets to work,starts swinging his clock back and forth till everyone watching including animals are hypnotised,juust when he’s abou to give his command he drops his watch and say ‘SH*T’
    it took weeks to clean the town

  992. booooooooooooooooo Says:
    February 4th, 2011 at 6:51 pm

    Really funny jokes .. here’s one :

    A guy walks into a club with his wife and says “You’re going to love this place” And the wife replies, “How would you know?” And the husband says, “My buddy from work told me it’s a great place to chill.” So then they go and sit down at their table and the waitress comes up and said “Hey Dave, the usual?” and Dave nods his head yes. Then the wife said, “How would she known your “usual”, Dave?” And he replied, “She is someone from work.” So then one of the girl dancing stands on his table and asks, “Same Dance, same price?” Then the wife stands up and stomps her feet over outside and waits for a taxi. As the wife jumps into the taxi the husband does too. “I don’t know what that was I swear!” Says the husband. The wife starts yelling at the husband, and Then the taxi driver turns around and says, “Wow David, you have a real b**** tonight.”

  993. Brandon Miller Says:
    February 5th, 2011 at 8:26 am

    Q: What is the differance between beer nuts and deer nuts?

    A: Beer nuts are a buck fifty and deer nuts a just under a buck.

  994. lol5 Says:
    February 5th, 2011 at 10:14 am

    worst jokes in the joke industry

  995. purplegi Says:
    February 7th, 2011 at 5:16 am

    hahaha! it’s not SHITZU it’s SHIH TZU!haha!

  996. Ashlee Says:
    February 9th, 2011 at 7:12 pm

    haha these joke are SUPER funny!!!!!!

  997. cowgirl1218 Says:
    February 9th, 2011 at 8:20 pm

    Once there was a carpenter a priest and a soldier on a plane.the carpenter accidently dropped his wrench out the window. He went to the pilot and told him what happened. Then the priest accidently dropped his bible out the window. He told the pilot. Then the soldier dropped his bomb out the window. He went and told the pilot. Then they landed and saw two people crying and one person laughing. They went to the first person who was crying and asked “why are uou Crying?” The guy said ” I was fixing my bike and a wrench fell on my head.” Then they went to the second person who was crying and asked ” why are you Crying?” The guy said ” I was praying and a bible fell on my head.” Then they went to the person who was laughing and asked “why are you Laughing?” He said”I tooted and the building blew up”

  998. poppy Says:
    February 10th, 2011 at 11:53 am

    these jokes are so rubbish :-p

  999. ThisguywearingbrowninHtown Says:
    February 10th, 2011 at 9:03 pm

    a blonde walks into a library and slams a big heavy book on the librarians desk then says, “this is the worst book i have ever read, it has no plot and way too many characters” the librarian calmly looks up and says, “so your the one who took our phonebook” hahahaha i like this joke its in my top ten.. my favorite joke is–
    A guy meets a hooker in a bar.she says,”this is your lucky day, i have a special game for you to play.. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words.” the guy replies, “hey why not?” so he pulls out 300 and places it on the table then says slowly, “paint…my…house” lmao.!!!

  1000. Tracy Says:
    February 11th, 2011 at 7:36 am

    Nono of the jokes were even worth reading….Basicly they were to old and boring

  1001. Jamie Says:
    February 11th, 2011 at 11:53 pm

    i can’t say that all these jokes are great srry but everybody plz stop saying you hate these jokes i love most of them anyway heres a good joke

    Q: why did the toilet-paper roll down the hill?
    A: to get to the bottom!

    again plz stop saying you hate these jokes and also i love the 1 about the hat and the scarf I laughed allot even my mum liked it! this website is great its number 1!

  1002. jokes Says:
    February 11th, 2011 at 11:57 pm

    i can’t say that all these jokes are great srry but everybody plz stop saying you hate these jokes i love most of them anyway heres a good joke

    Q: why did the toilet-paper roll down the hill?
    A: to get to the bottom!

    again plz stop saying you hate these jokes and also i love the 1 about the hat and the scarf I laughed allot even my mum liked it! this website is great its number 1! also i’m a girl!

  1003. bob benly Says:
    February 12th, 2011 at 7:57 am

    ok so once a duck walks into a bar and says “got any grapes” the bartender says no. the next day the duck walks into the same bar and asks “got any grapes” the bartender says no. the third day the duck walks into the bar and says “got any grapes” the bertender raises his voice adn yells “NO WE DO NOT HAVE ANY GRAPES, AND IF YOU COME IN HERE ONE MORE TIME AND ASK IF I HAVE ANY GRAPES, I WILL NAIL YOUR BILL TO THE BAR” the next day the duck walks in and says “got any nails” the bartender says “no we do not have any nails. the duck then says “got any grapes”

  1004. bob benly Says:
    February 12th, 2011 at 7:59 am

    ok so a nun walks into a bar the other one ducks

  1005. mystoryman Says:
    February 12th, 2011 at 9:47 pm

    what happens when you cross a bulldog with a shitzu?
    answer: bullsh**

  1006. yy Says:
    February 13th, 2011 at 12:46 am


  1007. xavi Says:
    February 14th, 2011 at 10:12 am

    what dinosaur was made out of rocks?
    A tyranosaurrus rocks

  1008. coolio 777 Says:
    February 14th, 2011 at 5:34 pm

    dude, this are the wierdest jokes ever! half of them arent even funny!

  1009. Josengash Says:
    February 16th, 2011 at 10:29 am

    sum of da jokes r cool hav dis, two men r having a drink late night and they are asking each other questions where each correct answere amounts to a drink from the one who asksed it dougie;asks,what do we call a woman who knows where her husband sleeps every night? antonio;after thinking so hard say,a widow.

  1010. samht Says:
    February 18th, 2011 at 1:49 pm

    thats the funniest joke evr : num ber 27 xxxxxxxxxx

  1011. Emma Says:
    February 18th, 2011 at 4:16 pm

    This one is KINDA funny but not really:
    Micky mouse walks outside and can see that someone has written in pee “MICKY MOUSE SUCKS ****” so he gets all mad and calls the police..They come out and investigate.. The police man walks up to micky and says “We have good news and bad news.. Good news is we found out whos pee it is” “WHOS!” micky replies “goofy sir” “GOOFY THATS AWEFULL! whats the BAD news???” The police man looks at him and says “It was miny’s handwriting” :D

  1012. odin Says:
    February 20th, 2011 at 6:13 pm

    OMG comment number 1012 cuz thats mah fav number

  1013. GTP Says:
    February 25th, 2011 at 12:03 pm

    Having googled ‘the funniest jokes in the world’ this site was the result. I will keep my ‘comments’ polite. The Stevie Wonder joke, in (30) was both clever and amusing. The variant of an old joke, using 90 year olds in this instance, (271) was a good one. (348) was certainly the best ‘shaggy dog’ joke I’ve heard/read in a long time.

    The best I’ve heard for a while is:

    An attractive female is sitting next to a businessman on a long distant flight. She suddenly sneezes violently, her whole body goes into convulsions and she cries out in apparent pain. She soon recovers and continues reading her book. The businessman thinks no more about the incident until, about ten minutes later, exactly the same thing happens again and he becomes concerned about her. When she resumes normality he asks her if she is OK. “Yes, fine, thank you for your concern”. She replies. “Do you have this problem very often, do you know what the problem is”? He asks. “It’s simple really. Whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm. This has been happening to me since puberty”. She replys. “Are you taking anything to help you”? He asks. “Yes, pepper” is her response.

  1014. Keanu Says:
    February 26th, 2011 at 8:21 pm

    iight out of all jokes up there, there waz only like, 23 funni. Here is a joke that tops everythin up there: 3 men were about to be exicuted by electrical chair. A Mexican, A Canadian and Some dude from L.A. so the the Mexican guy sat in the chair first. The killer guy pulled the lever and it didnt work. The Canadian sat down next and the guy pulled the lever again and once again it didnt work. Then the guy from L.A. sat down and the guy pulled the lever one more time and once again it didnt work. So the L.A. guy gets up and walks over to the killer and says * U DUMBASS CANT YOU SEE THE MACHINE ISNT PLUGGED IN!!!* lolz

  1015. Luke Says:
    February 28th, 2011 at 8:08 am

    i escpecially like the 1 with the guy in paris that was funny and the 1 with the christian girl lol

  1016. Anonymous Says:
    February 28th, 2011 at 9:34 am

    worst joke ever

  1017. DannyMDH Says:
    March 1st, 2011 at 5:08 pm

    Why did the baker have dirty hands?
    Because he kneaded a pooh.

  1018. misbah Says:
    March 3rd, 2011 at 11:52 am

    There once was a lady who got on a bus. The driver says “That’s the ugliest baby i have ever seen!” The lady goes to sit down. She says to the person next to her ” The driver just insulted me!” The person next to her says ” You go right up to the driver and tell him off. I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

  1019. misbah Says:
    March 3rd, 2011 at 11:55 am

    What do call a dinoursaw with one eye?



  1020. hayley cotton Says:
    March 3rd, 2011 at 2:20 pm

    Really gud!! Insulting but gud!!!

  1021. hateit Says:
    March 5th, 2011 at 1:31 pm

    these jokes are crap

  1022. Edwin Garay Says:
    March 8th, 2011 at 9:24 pm

    i bet your a$$ can tell a better one…

  1023. (lil joker 45) >_< (Blast Says:
    March 9th, 2011 at 12:02 pm

    y do sharks live in salt water…….

    because pepper water makes them sneez.

  1024. (lil joker 45) >_< (Blast Says:
    March 9th, 2011 at 12:02 pm

    wow guys realy?

  1025. KenKen Says:
    March 10th, 2011 at 3:52 am

    shame! yous are all so DRY! your jokes, the jopkes on the website and any jokes yuse no arent even funny. there not even funni because there dry. :/ watta waste of time. heres some krakk uhb as jokes tho:

    JOKE 1:
    A farmer had advertised his farm and was showing it to
    a prospective buyer. As they walked along a fence line
    the buyer saw bee hives and stopped. “Those hives are
    pretty close to the road”, he said.
    The farmer explained that the bees just make honey and
    have never stung anyone. The buyer felt unsure about the
    sale until he proposed that he be tied to a nearby tree,
    naked, overnight. If he was stung once he would get the
    farm for free, but if he wasn’t stung then he would pay
    the farmer double the price. The farmer agreed and tied
    the now naked man to the tree. The next morning the farmer
    saw the man leaning over and very pale. “Oh no, the farmer
    thought, he got stung and now I have to give him the farm!
    “As he reached the man he gently shook him and asked
    where he got stung and if he needed a doctor.
    “No, no, I’m okay, “gasped the naked man, “I’ll pay you
    double for the farm, but doesn’t that damn calf have a

    JOKE 2
    A young man graduated from University of Arkansas with a degree
    in journalism. His first assignment for the newspaper who hired him
    was to write a human interest story. Being from Arkansas, he went
    back to the country to do his research. He went to an old farmer’s
    house way back in the hills, introduced himself to the farmer and
    proceeded to explain to him why he was there. The young man
    asked, “Has anything ever happened around here that made you

    The farmer thought for a minute and said, “Yep! One time one of
    my neighbor’s sheep got lost. We formed a posse and found it. We
    all screwed it and took it back home.”

    “I can’t print that!” the young man exclaimed. “Can you think of
    anything else that happened that made you or a lot of other people

    After another moment, the farmer said, “Yeah, one time my
    neighbor’s daughter, a good looking girl, got lost. We formed a big
    posse that time and found her. After we all screwed her, we took
    her back home.”
    Again, the young man said “I can’t print that either. Has anything
    ever happened around here that made you sad?”

    The old farmer dropped his head as if he were ashamed and after a
    few seconds looked up timidly at the young man and said, “I got
    lost once.”

    JOKE 3
    There was a boy whose parents were very strict in his upbringing.
    They never allowed him to meet any girls, except his own
    relatives. However, one day he saw one of his best friends
    kissing a girl and he went to his mother and asked her what they
    were doing.

    His mother told him, “It’s called kissing and any boy who does
    that to a girl will die that very minute!”

    On his 21st birthday he went out with some friends who
    introduced him to one of the sweetest girls around town.
    She knew that he had never been kissed before.

    When she eventually got some time alone with him, she tried to
    kiss him but he resisted. She asked him, “What are you afraid
    of, it won’t hurt.”

    He said, “My mother said if I kiss a girl I’ll die this very

    She replied, “Don’t be a baby, now come on kiss me.”
    With that she gave him a hot one square across the lips.

    He began to cry, “Oh no I’m going to die!!!”
    She said, “Why are you going to die??”
    He replied, “I’ve just kissed you and already one part of
    me has begun to get stiff!!”

    JOKE 4
    The teacher called on Johnny to solve the next question. “There are 3 ducks sitting on a fence”, she said, “and the farmer comes out and shoots one of them. How many are still on the fence?.
    Johnny thinks a second and says “none”.
    The Teacher asked him how he figured that. “Well, he said, when the farmer shot the first duck, the noise scared the other 2 and they flew away”.
    The teacher said “That’s not really the answer I was looking for but I like your thinking”.
    Then Johnny says “Now can I ask you one?”.
    The teacher said okay. Johnny says “There are 3 women with an ice cream cone in their hands. One is chewing it, one is biting it and one is licking it. Which one is married?.
    The teacher says, “Why, the one that’s licking it” to which Johnny answered “Wrong. It’s the one with the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking…”

    JOKE 5
    Two women are playing golf on a sunny afternoon when one of them slices her shot into a foursome of men. To her horror, one of the men collapses in agony with both hands in his crotch. She runs to him apologizing profusely, explaining that she is a physical therapist and can help ease his pain.

    “No thanks… just give me a few minutes… I’ll be fine…” he replies quietly with his hands still between his legs. Taking it upon herself to help the poor man, she gently undoes the front of his pant and starts massaging his genitals.

    “Doesn’t that feel better?” she asks.

    “Well… yes… That feels pretty good,” he admits. “But my thumb still hurts like hell

    JOKE 6
    Two old pensioners are taking a trip down memory lane by going back to the place where they first met.

    Sitting at a café, the little old man says, “Remember the first time I met you over 50 years ago? We left this cafe, went round the corner behind the gas works, and I gave you one from behind.”

    “Why, yes, I remember it well, dear,” replies the little old lady with a grin.

    “Well, for old time’s sake, let’s go there again. and I’ll give you one from behind.”

    The two pensioners pay their bill and leave the cafe. A young man sitting next to them has overheard the conversation and smiles to himself, thinking it would be quite amusing to see two old pensioners at it. He gets up and follows them. Sure enough, he sees the two pensioners near the gas works. The little old lady pulls off her knickers and lifts up her dress.

    The old man pulls down his pants and grabs the lady’s hips, and the little old lady reaches for the fence. Well, what follows is 40 minutes of the most athletic sex the man has ever seen. The little old man is banging away at the little old woman at a pace that can only be described as phenomenal. Limbs are flying everywhere, the movement is a blur, and they do not stop for a single second. Finally, they collapse and don’t move for an hour.

    Well, the man is stunned. Never in his life has he ever seen anything that equates to this — not in the movies, not from his friends, not from his own experiences.

    Reflecting on what he has just seen, he says to himself, “I have to know his secret. If only I could shag like that now, let alone in 50 years’ time!”

    The two old pensioners have by this time recovered and dressed themselves. Plucking up courage, the man approaches the pensioner.

    He says, “Sir, in all my life I have never seen anybody shag like that, particularly at your age. What’s your secret? Could you shag like that 50 years ago?”

    The pensioner replies, “Son, 50 years ago, that fucking fence wasn’t electrified.”

    JOKE 7
    A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, “I’m on the 7th hole, and you’re a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole.” He thanked her and went back to his golf.

    On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached the lady again with the same request. She said, “I’m on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th.” Once again he thanked her.

    He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar. He went up to her and said, “Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help.” He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did. She said she was in sales, and he said he was in sales also. He asked what she sold.

    She replied, “If I told you, you would only laugh.”

    “No, I wouldn’t,” he said.

    She said, “I sell tampons.”

    With that he fell on the floor laughing so hard.

    She said, “See, I knew you would laugh.”

    “That’s not what I’m laughing at,” he replied. “I’m a toilet paper salesman, so I’m STILL one hole behind you!”

    JOKE 8
    An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The ticket girl said, “Sir, what is that on your shoulder?”

    The old farmer said, “That is my pet rooster, Chuckie. Wherever I go, Chuckie goes.”

    “I’m sorry, Sir,” said the ticket girl, “We can’t allow animals in the theater. Not even a pet chicken.”

    The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the chicken down his pants. He returned to the booth, bought a ticket and entered the theater. He sat down next to two old emergency room nurses named Mildred and Marge.

    The movie started and the chicken began to squirm. The old farmer un-zipped his pants so Chuckie could stick his head out and watch the movie.

    “Marge,” whispered Mildred.

    “What?” said Marge.

    “I think the guy next to me is a pervert.”

    “What makes you think so?” asked Marge.

    “He unzipped his pants and he has his thing out,” whispered Mildred.

    “Well, don’t worry about it,” said Marge, “At our age it isn’t anything we haven’t seen before.”

    “Yes,” said Mildred, “But this one’s eating my popcorn!”

    JOKE 9
    Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single.

    One day, the millionaire decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, “My dear guests, I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars, or my daughter, to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!” As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash in the pool. The guy in the pool was swimming with all his might, and the crowd began to cheer him on. Finally, he made it to the other side of the pool unharmed.

    The millionaire was impressed. He said, “That was incredible! Fantastic! I didn’t think it could be done! Well, I must keep my end of the bargain. Do you want my daughter or the one million dollars?” The guy catches his breath, then says, “Listen, I don’t want your money! And I don’t want your daughter! I want the asshole who pushed me in the pool!”

    JOKE 10
    A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.

    “Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!?!?” he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. “Alright, I’m gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain’t back outside by the time I finish, I’m gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don’t like to have to do what I dun in Texas!” Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post.

    He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, “Say partner, before you go… what happened in Texas?” The cowboy turned back and said, “I had to walk home.”

    JOKE 11
    An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them.

    When they arrived at the doctors, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things.

    The couple thanked the doctor and left. Later that night while watching TV, the man got up from his chair and his wife asked, “Where are you going?” He replied, “To the kitchen.” She asked, “Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?” He replied, “Sure.” She then asked him, “Don’t you think you should write it down so you can remember it?” He said, “No, I can remember that.”

    She then said, “Well I would also like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down because I know you’ll forget that.” He said, “I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.” She replied, “Well I also would like whipped cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down.”

    With irritation in his voice, he said, “I don’t need to write that down! I can remember that.” He then fumes into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes he returned from the kitchen and handed her a plate of bacon and eggs. She stared at the plate for a moment and said angrily: “I TOLD you to write it down! You forgot my toast!”

    Seriously, go have some fun guys and come back with better jokes.

  1026. ethan Says:
    March 15th, 2011 at 6:46 pm

    these are the best Iv ever read in my hole life

  1027. Anonymous Says:
    March 20th, 2011 at 9:17 pm

    A bus full of very ugly men got into a car crash. Everybody died.
    The men arrived in heaven and came before God.
    God said, “Hello, I will now grant you each one wish for you have been very good.”
    The men lined up and the first man said,” Hmm…I wish to be very handsome.”
    His wish was granted.
    The next man heard the first man’s wish and wished for the same thing. And so did the fourth and fith and so on.
    Finally the last man approached God and all the new very handsome men.
    He wished, “Make em’ all ugly again!!!”(O[]^)

  1028. bilal Says:
    March 21st, 2011 at 2:39 pm

    them jokes are crap

  1029. sophie Says:
    March 22nd, 2011 at 3:23 pm

    them jokes osh are so so so so so so funny ive been laughing at eversingle and are the best jokes i have ever heard of in my life !!!!!!!!

  1030. Lindsay Says:
    March 23rd, 2011 at 4:10 am

    I’ll never forget the day my parents sat me down and said “if at first you dont succeed,try,try again”
    I said “thanks but I think my suicide attempts are really just a cry for help”

  1031. Lindsay Says:
    March 23rd, 2011 at 4:12 am

    I got sent out of my biology class today.

    When asked ‘Can you name a long term effect of obesity?’, I probably shouldn’t have said ‘Bullying’

  1032. Jenny Says:
    March 23rd, 2011 at 8:57 pm

    Um…………….they suck, thats about it. But what is worse is that the jokes in the comments suck too.

  1033. Anonymous Says:
    March 26th, 2011 at 12:13 pm

    i hate these jokes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  1034. MichaelSenda Says:
    March 28th, 2011 at 7:19 am


    One man’s meat is another man’s poison. If you do not find the jokes funny then maybe you are not a fun person. Maybe you are just boring.

    Your jokes are superb man.

  1035. Anonymous Says:
    March 31st, 2011 at 7:22 pm

    Theie is some pretty funny jokes out there that i would like pee pants cause they are so funny

  1036. Gops Says:
    April 5th, 2011 at 7:22 am


  1037. anaam Says:
    April 9th, 2011 at 12:35 am

    I liked all of the jokes…sometimes, I don’t get those jokes, but I still like them.
    I have one jokes, u may have heard it but still:
    3 men were captured by cannibals, and were told that if they put 10 fruits up their ass without any sound, they’ll survive, or their head will be cut off.First man comes with 10 apples. he finishes puttingthe 3rd apple and makes a painful sound/moan, and his head was cut off and he goes to heaven. the second man comes with 10 berries, and when he was finished putting his 9th berry, he laughed, and his head was cut off and he went to heaven.
    First man: the apples were hard and big,so it was painful…why did you laugh?
    second man: Because I saw the third man coming with PINEAPPLES!!!

  1038. jokes Says:
    April 9th, 2011 at 4:23 am

    can everyone plz stop swearing yesh!

  1039. jokes Says:
    April 9th, 2011 at 10:23 pm

    the person who said in the sh word why it has this # for an i is because they don’t want little kids seeing the word. OK?

  1040. jokes Says:
    April 10th, 2011 at 3:05 am

    i love the joke about little ralphy and the teacher it’s the best ever!!

  1041. Anonymous Says:
    April 10th, 2011 at 3:38 am

    good jokes thanks

  1042. Tanmay Says:
    April 17th, 2011 at 10:03 pm


  1043. sophi Says:
    April 25th, 2011 at 8:24 am

    some of these are hilarious!!

  1044. sophi Says:
    April 25th, 2011 at 8:27 am

    the one about the roast beef and pea soup is from icarly right???

  1045. lollipopprincessgirl Says:
    April 25th, 2011 at 9:03 am

    hahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! these r great thx!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  1046. 1musicfangirl Says:
    April 25th, 2011 at 9:07 am

    ummmmmmmm….. im really bored reading these. but i like the one with the tv and the blonde. :)

  1047. janny Says:
    April 25th, 2011 at 12:47 pm

    wow i typed in best jokes ever and found this. this should be under the category of worlds stupidest lame jokes

  1048. Nunya Bizness Says:
    April 28th, 2011 at 5:29 pm

    These jokes are okay but I cant believe that their the best. heres a great joke!
    an American man dropped a penny off an airplane parachuted down and saw a girl crying. “whats wrong” he said she said, “a penny fell and broke my dollhouse.” Then a Russian man dropped a nickel off an airplane parachuted down and saw a boy crying. “whats wrong” he said the boy answered”a nickel fell and broke my TV.” Finally a chinese man dropped a bomb off an airplane parachuted down and saw a man laughing. “whats so funny,” he said the man answered,” I farted and my house blew up!” LOL!

  1049. Anonymous Says:
    May 5th, 2011 at 8:07 pm

    how do you fit an elephant into safeway?

    take the “s” out of safe and the “f” out of way..

    think about it

    there is no “f” in way!!

  1050. Danny boy Says:
    May 6th, 2011 at 6:33 am

    Two elephants fall off a cliff. Boom! Boom!

  1051. Anonymous Says:
    May 8th, 2011 at 7:19 am


  1052. koolkidz Says:
    June 10th, 2011 at 9:54 pm

    i hope u like it. here goes…………..

    A man was having s*x with a blonde.She suddenly stopped and said ‘U dnt have hiv do u?”he said hell no!!!! She said ‘whew,i’m so glad bcuz i didn’t want catch it again!!!!!!! LOL!!HOPE IT’S FUNNY TO YALL!!

  1053. Anonymous Says:
    June 22nd, 2011 at 3:14 pm

    i like the one with the Ney Jersey hunters the others are not that good what am i saying i hate the others

  1054. fletched Says:
    June 23rd, 2011 at 3:12 am

    A termite walks into a bar and asks “is the bar tender here?”

  1055. FunnyDude Says:
    July 5th, 2011 at 3:44 pm

    ok i got 2
    one time a pirate walked into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants so the bar tender says
    “Hey you got a steering wheel in your pants” So the pirate says “Arrrg! Iknow and its driving me nuts

  1056. vishesh Says:
    July 16th, 2011 at 2:00 am

    lollz…. its not funny even my small sister can write better jokes than these.

  1057. anom Says:
    July 23rd, 2011 at 12:17 pm

    Wtf… u guys just mad eBelgium look like a country without sense of humor.. -.-”

  1058. nicolai Says:
    July 27th, 2011 at 5:25 pm

    knock knock

    whos there?


    johhny who?

    to get to the other side!!!!!!!!!!!

  1059. erin Says:
    July 28th, 2011 at 2:01 am

    how do you make lady gaga cry

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