(reading Sports Illustrated to infant) It’s not what you read it’s the tone of voice you use
-*baby crying*Lets watch a little Tv, just you and me. There you go. Enjoy yourself.
-Vimen are vondering, are they having an orgasm? *baby laughs*Men are vorried, maybe their penis.
-No,nonononono. You don’t wanna hear that. *baby cries again*
…this child doesn’t look anything like me…I have more hair.
1) She made a doodle. It’s your turn to change her. 2) I’ll give you a thousand bucks if you do it.
1. How about this?
2. That’s for older babies. How old’s your baby?
1. (Thinks, then holds hands out.) About that old.
2. You don’t know how old your baby is?
1. Yes, I know how old my baby is!
2. Is she teething?
1. Teething?
2. Well, does she chew on her fist and drool alot?
1. OK. Thanks. I’ll just take some of this (starts taking at least one of every kind of baby food on the shelf and puts it in his cart) and some of this, and I thank you very much, Edna. You have been the source of great distress.
2. Don’t forget you need to steralize the nipple!
1. (stops, does a double take)
1.Jack has a baby? 2.I realize such a concept tends to negate our belief in a benevolent God, but yes.
1.That’s our best selling formula.
2. Good. (starts taking cans)That means it’s the best then, right?
1. No, it’s the cheapest. That’s why.
2. (puts other cans back)How about this?
1. Oh, that’s gooooood.
2. Great. (starts taking cans)
1. But it’s got iron in it.
2. Is that bad?
1. It is if your baby’s allergic to it!
2. How do you know if she’s allergic?
1. They throw up all over you! (puts cans back) Of course they throw up all over you even if they aren’t allergic to it. Some babies can’t keep anything down.
How can something so small make so much of something so disgusting?
Hush little baby, don’t you cry, when Peter gets home I’m gonna punch him in the eye.
I build fifty storey skyscrapers, I assemble cities of the future…I can certainly put together a diaper.
I hate the cello!
I’d like to see how you three big guys handle this one.
I’ll give you a thousand dollars if you’ll do it
I’m an actor. I can do a father.
It takes me two hours to get her to eat, and by the time she’s done, it’s time to start again, so that I’m feeling her all the time.
The book says to feed the baby every two hours, but do you count from when you start or when you finish?
Toddler what’s a toddler?
Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Three Men and a Baby’: Quotes from the movie ‘Three Men and a Baby’
