Movie Quotes from Shallow Hal: Quotes from the movie Shallow Hal

(after she breaks the chair) 1)Hey, you have to get some decent chairs in here, man! What’s this shit made out of anyway? 2)Uh…steel.

(looks at Rosemary) Looks like we’re too late. Food’s probably all gone!

–Have you heard of the saying, ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder?’–Have you ever heard of the song ‘Who let the Dogs out?!’

1) She doesn’t mean anything by it, she is just saying your not very good looking. 2)OH! I thought she was implying something really MEAN..

1) What do you weigh . . . 110, 115 pounds? 2) Which one of my butt-cheeks are you talking about?

1) What do you weigh, about 110? 2) Which one of my butt cheeks are you talking about?

1).Hey there beautiful. What’s your name? 2).Cadence 1). Cadence? Hey my uncle’s name is Cadence. Well I’ll tell you what Cadence. I’m not putting you down untill the cows come home. 3). PUT HER DOWN!!! 1).Cow just came home!

1).So, can I have your number? 2).What number? 1).(Sarcastically)Your pin number, I want your money. Your phone number!!!!

1)Are you going parasailing or something? 2) **walks away pissed** 1)Uh, I’m sorry, I just thought it was funny seeing someone like you hold up a pair of old lady trou. 2)Someone like me? 1)Yeah, someone so fit. 2)You are a jackass!

1)CAn you think of one specific time when you were really shallow? 2)Oh yeah. 1)Okay. DEVILS COME OUT!!! 2)What the hell was that, banana hands?!

1)Gentlemen, can I interest you in some chili fries and half a burger? 2)Thanks! 1)There’s a lot left because a little guy couldn’t finish his meal. 2)Pussy.

1)Hahahaha! You guys are so funny making fun of me because I’m a little pudgy, right? 2)No. I wasn’t making fun of YOU, I was– 1)That’s nice. Do me a favor, look out the window. You see that little fox out there? You see that little number? She’s with me! And I’ll bet if you two took all the girls you ever went out with and put them together they wouldn’t equal one of her. 2)We’re not arguing that. Ha ha! 1)Rararararah! That’s right, laugh it up! So tonight when you’re hugging your pillow, just remember, I’m with her!

1)Hal, don’t you think you’re being a little shallow about the way you look at women? 2)Oh, no, I’d like her to be into culture and shit too.

1)Haven’t you ever heard of the saying ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder’? 2)Yeah, you ever heard of the song ‘who let the dogs out’!

1)I had the most beautiful girl in the world and you made her disappear! 2)No I did not! I just made Rosemary appear!

1)I’ve got news for you, Cadence. I’m not putting you down until the cows come home. 2)Put her down! 1)The cow came home.

1)Oh my God, there she is! 2)Where? 1)Right there. 2)What? Where? Is she behind the rhino?!

1)Okay here’s my phone number, and my here’s my e-mail… 2)HAHAHA! 1)Yeah. That’s…funny.

1)Okay, who’s your all time love of your life? 2)Wonder Woman. 1)Okaaaay…so say that Wonder Woman fell in love with you…

1)She got cankles!! 2)What?? 1)Cankles its like the the calf connected with the ankle! 2) i know what cankles are and rosemary doesnt have them

1)So can I get your number? 2)What number? 1)Your pin number, I want your money. Your phone number, what do you think?

1)So what are you in, the army? 2)Peace Corps. 1)Wow, that’s really ultradocious of you. 2)Ultradocious? That’s not even a word. Oh, you mean humanidocious, don’t you?

1)Uh, I’m very sick! I’ve got uh…uh… 2)C.C.! 3)What? 1)Contageous…Conguntavitus! 3)I’ll take my chances.

1)What happened? 2)Well, let’s just say Hal: 2, Mallrats: 0.

1)Would you care if anybody else thought Wonder Woman wasn’t beautiful? 2)No, because I’d know they were wrong. 1)That’s what I had with Rosemary! 2)Jeez…I guess I never thought of it that way. Hey, I guess I really did screw you, huh?!

1)Yeah, you may be more mature than me, but at least I got a bigger willie. (sits for a while) 2)Yeah, bigger than a mouse’s. 1)What the hell was that? 2)I said your willie’s bigger than a– 1)I heard what you said but it took you like eight seconds!!!

1)You’re dumping Loni? 2)Lindy! 1)Are you crazy? Lindy’s gorgeous! 2)Yeah, but the other day she was sitting on the couch and she’s got her bare feet on the coffee table and I notice her second toe is like half an inch longer than her big toe! 1)That’s why you’re dumping her?! 2)Hey, I don’t need that circus shit!

1)You’re the most cutest thing I’ve seen. What’s your name, beautiful? 2)Cadence. 1)Cadence. That’s a pretty name. You know, my uncle’s name is Cadence.

1. What are you doing?! 2. I’m saving you. 1. From what?! 2. A herd of stampeding buffalo!!

1.) im goin for the redhead, u can have ur choice of the other 2 2.) so u get the hyena, and i get to choose between the hippo and the giraffe

A) Can I have your number?
B) My phone number?
A) No, your pin number – I want to steal your money.

A) What are these chairs made of? B) Steel. A) Well, get them welded better in the corners or something.

Ahh! Did you see the toe?!

As a friend I can sorta look the other way when u bang a few fatties to get it out of your system.

Cuckoo!! Cuckoo!!


Dropping some L B’s.

Gee I guess I really did screw ya

Hal:Did you move us? Hostess: No, first table on the right. Hal: Well, maybe you can explain to me why that robust women is eating my girlfriends din.. Hey now she’s eatin my clams casino!

Hey Hal, you gotta get in here and look at this turd! It looks like Clinger from M*A*S*H*!

hey minster you have a whale on your boat

hey mud whistle get dressed were going out

Hey unibrow, why don’t you double your dosage and leave me alone!

hey! watch it banana hands!

Hey, Hal! Come in here and check out this turd! He looks just like this guy from M*A*S*H!

I have a tail

I just bet on football to make the game more interesting

huh..never read that book

what book things losers say

I just sold my company to Microsoft.

I know what I am and I know what I’m not, I’m the girl who gets really good grades. Who is not afraid to be funny. Who has lots of boys that are friends, and no boyfriends. I am not beautiful and I never will be. So when you say things to me that are sweet, it’s not nice.

I think of you.

Is that that new thing called ‘sarcasm’?

It looks like Klinger from M.A.S.H.

Members Only.

Oh come on (name), you’re about as deep as a puddle.

Shallow Hal wants a gal!

She didn’t even give me the courtesy of a severance pop!

she has cankles!

She sounds hot.

Shhhh You had me at get lost

Sorry about the banana hands thing.

Tony Robbins:Would you rather have a woman missing a breast or missing half a brain??
Hal: HMMMM..toughie…how is the remaining breast…is it big???

Well… I gotta go launch a missile.

What in the name of all that is holy?!!

What in the name of all that is holy???

Which one of my butt cheeks are you talking about?

Which one off my bum cheeks are you talking about

woman: Besides, her tits weren’t even real.
Hal: Well, I can squeeze ’em. That’s enough for me.

Yea i knew this hawaiian guy in high school who went out for the hockey team,It was funny as shit…

yeah i new a guy from hawaii in high school, tried out for the hockey team, funny as shit

Yeah, We’ll blend in

You had me at get lost.

You stay away from me daughter! She’s with Ralph now!

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