Charlie : dad how’d that feel? Scott:It felt like America’s Most Wanted!
#1.Well now isn’t that a pretty picture…Santa rollin down the street in a Panzer.#2Well,I certainly hope u were good this year kids cuz it looks like santa just took out the Pearson home.#3. AHHHH,it’s coming!
1 – What about the reindeer? Have you ever seen a reindeer fly? 2 – Yes. 1 – Well I haven’t. 2 – Have you ever seen a million dollars? 1 – No. 2 – Just because you haven’t seen it, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.
1)You look good for your age 2) Thanks, but I’m seeing someone in wrapping
1-800-Spank Me? i know that number..
1. Charlie, do you know how to dial 911? 2. Sure, 911.
1. Charlie, I’m sorry that I didn’t believe you. 2. That’s okay, Neal. You were just denying your inner child. 1. You’re going to make a great psychiatrist someday, kid. 2. No, I think that I’m going to go into the family business.
1. Charlie, it’s just not logical. How can one man in one night visit all the children of the world? 2. Not everyone celebrates Christmas, and I think that there is some kind of time continual to break down what Santa has in his sleigh.
1. Scott, what was the last thing that you and Charlie did before you went to bed on Chrismas Eve? 2. We shared a bowl of sugar, some shots of brown liquor, field-dressed a cat, played with my shotguns, looked for women…I read him a book. 1. What book? 2. ‘Hollywood Wives’…’The Night Before Christmas’.
1. Are we on a coffee break? 2. We don’t drink coffee. 1. Then I guess the break is over!
1.) Stung by a bee, Scott? 2.) A big bee…
1.) You going to your mom’s for dinner? 2.) Actually were going to be with Neil’s family. 1.) AH Christmas at the pound
1: You Killed Santa 2: No I didn’t
A WEENIE WHISTLE!
Bernard: Are we on a coffee break? Girl: We don’t drink coffee. Bernard: THEN I GUESS THE BREAK IS OVER.
Charlie, dont touch those… you dont know where they’ve been, they
all look like they’ve got key-lime disease or something!
Charlie: Niel doesn’t believe in Santa Claus.
Scott: well, Niel’s head comes to a point.
Charlie: Niel’s smart. He’s a doctor
Scott: No he’s not. He’s a Phyciatrist.
Charlie:Mom, can you come pick me up in the morning? Mom: of course
sweetie Charlie: we’re talking sun-up youre here?
Christmas Will Return.
Dennys… its always open!!
Do you want some hot cocoa? It took me two hundred years to get it right.
DR.: Well Scott your as healthy as a horse. SC: yeah, a clydesdale!
dr:if you don’t like then diet, and you should DIET!! SC: hahaaha dr: just kiddin
E.L.F.S.: Tinsle- not just for decoration
Gimme All Your Lovin’.
I have homeowner’s insurance AND a good attourney. Not as good as my wife’s, but let’s not open up THAT wound.
I have pointy SHOES older than you. And I’m not a kid. I’m an elf.
I lived through the ’60s.
I’ll call you. Is your phone number still 1-800-SPANK-ME?
Jingle Bell Ride.
Look Barnaby I just want to go home
Man this turkey’s dry. Haven’t you people ever heard of basting?
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night! When I get home, I’m getting a CAT scan!
Oh Christmas Tree.
SC: How fast does hair grow? Doctor: Hmm? SC: I shave in the morning, in the afternoon i look like this!!
SC: So if we go straight down this road we’ll hit I-94? WHOA
Scott: Well isn’t that a pretty picture Santa rollin down the block in a panzer well kids I… I certainly hope you’ve been good this year because it look’s like santa just took out the Pearson home! It’s comin
Scott: You know how to dial 911 don’t you
Charlie: Yeah, 9-1-1
Scott: you want me to take the toys, go down the chimney, into a strange house, IN MY UNDERWEAR?!
Seeing isn’t believing…believeing is seeing. Kid’s don’t have to see this place to know that it’s here. They just…know.
Surprised? If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the cart I couldn’t be more surprised.
This Christmas the snow hits the fan.
We’re elves with attitude
We’re elves with….attitude.
We’re getting the Disney Channel now.
Well isn’t that a pretty picture. Santa rollin’ down the block in a Panzer. Well kids i hope you have been good this yea ’cause it looks like Santa just took out the Pearson home. INCOMING!
Well, isnâ€™t that a pretty picture. Santa rolling down the block in a panzer. Well kids, Iâ€¦I certainly hope youâ€™ve been good this year â€˜cause it looks like Santa just took out the Pierson house. â€“ Tim Allen/The Santa Clause/1994
Well…we made good time!
When I wake up, I’m getting a CAT scan!
Whoa! This guy was HUGE!
[ ”White Christmas” is playing and Scott is reading to Charlie ]
Scott: ”…And Mama in her kerchief and I in my cap/had just settled down for a long winters nap/when out on the lawn there arose such a clatter/I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter/away to the window I flew like a flash– [ Muttering, skipping a few parts ] …and to all… [ Whispers ] … a good night”. [ Exits room ]
Charlie: What’s that?
Scott: [ Returns to room ] What’s what?
Charlie: ”A Rose-suchak-ladder?”
Scott: It’s not a ladder, I said ”Arose such a clatter.” Means, uh… ”Came a big noise.”
Scott: Charlie, ”arose” is a word that means ”it came” and ”clatter is a ”big noise”!
[Scott has gone through a small chimney, a fireplace appears, Scott goes down, bumps his head on edge, little girl wakes up from couch ]
Little girl: Santa?
Scott: Scott Calvin.
Little girl: How come your clothes are so baggy?
Scott: Because SANTA is watching his saturated fats.
Little girl: How come you don’t have a beard?
Scott: BECAUSE I SHAVED!!! Do you want this doll or not?! Go back to sleep!
[He goes to chimney.]
Little girl: You’re s’posed to drink the milk.
Scott: Look, I am lactose intolerant, and I am just about THIS CLOSE to taking those presents back up the chimney! [Mocking little girl.] ”You’re s’posed to drink the milk.” SHUT YOUR EYES!
[Little girl does.]
Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Santa Clause, The’: Quotes from the movie ‘Santa Clause, The’