Movie Quotes from Road Trip: Quotes from the movie Road Trip

Kyle: It’s not cheating if you spread peanut butter on your balls and let your dog lick it off, cause it’s your dog, get it?

#1) Are you going to pass that doobie or what? #2) Doobie?

(blind lady)Do not roll your eyes at me!

(dog)Hey Jack! Have that bitch make me some blue-berry pancakes…right now!

(penis talking) If I don’t get out of here soon, I’m about to pack up my balls and leave.

(plucks guitar string)Unleash the fury, Mitch. (plucks guitar string again)Unleash the fury.

(singing) The tiny salmon swimming in a stream, the tiny salmon chasing that impossible dream, the mina bird says AHH! Ahh AHH! The chimpanzee says E-E-E-E-E-E-EEEEEEEHHH! The friendly owl says HOOO! HOO HOOO! But the salmon can only say BLBBBLUBBLUBBULBLUBBBLUBB! and it’s sad.

(singing) The tiny salmon swimming in a stream, the tiny salmon chasing that impossible dream, the mina bird says AHH! Ahh AHH! The chimpanzee says E-E-E-E-E-E-EEEEEEEHHH! The friendly owl says HOOO! HOO HOOO! But the salmon can only say BLBBBLUBBLUBBULBLUBBBLUBB! and it’s sad.

(when el gets the bus) (convo between him and the blind chick)
blind lady:good morning / El:hello/ blind lady: hi how may i help u/ El: yea hi i was sent over here bus 111 and im afaid i have some bad news u seem to be having problems with the rotator splint/ Lady: engines have rotator splints/ EL yea she runs good now but not for long i can have it back to u as good as new in less than a week/ lady:Lets see well jereds still in aliquippa i take it he called u from there/ el: yea 5 days i think we can work that out will u pleaz not feed my dog/ el: i didnt / lady: u did so u cant feed seeing eye dogs treats like that theyre specailly trained so id appreciate it if you left him alone/El rolls his eyes)/ Lady: dont roll ur eyes at me/ elwaves hands in front of her face)/Lady flips him off

(when the guys are on the bridge) DAMN IT! Yep!……I give it about 20 minutes until our next….ass raping.

-Honey, ur boner!
-Well what do ya want me to do, cut it off?

…because it’s your dog.

1) he’s a nice guy 2)…It’s good

1) What a bitch!! 2) Did she sound hot?

1) You wanna bet? 2) Right, like I’m gonna bet money on something you can’t prove. 1) *looks at camera* 2) YOU TAPED IT!

1)…I need a wine cooler…2) Here, have mine (passes scotch)

1)excuse me. this really is an oquared question, do you have any marijuana i might be able to buy from you? our car exploded last night and i’m practacly all out of my own. 2)do i look like a drug dealer? no, but thanks for asking. would you like something else, perhaps a 12 yr. old prostatute sent to your room, we can do that. or perhaps we could off someone for you. i know, we’ll start small, how about a fresh towel, maybe you can roll that up and smoke it.

1. Have you come for the feeding? Your early. You should come tomorrow, its going to be a blood bath.2. I’ll pass.

1. This is the Ithaca Memorial Library. It was built in the early 1600’s. 2. It says 1951 on it. 1. That’s the address, k?, wise ass.

1. You want me to use 2 figures? 2. Did I say 2 better make it 3?

1: I stole it from a blind chick. 2: I said I didn’t want to know. 1: I’ll give it back………..probably.

1: No! if you feed him too much he could die. 2: so, it’d be worth it.

1: this will save us 5 hours minimum. 2: maybe we should go back to the interstate. 2: we’re not going back, have some faith, it’s supposed to be hard. that’s why they call it a short-cut, if it was easy, it’d just be the way.

1: you mean never? Not even once? 2. Well, I’ve had sex before…just never with a person. 1: riight.

Rubin: This is kind of an unusual request, but do you have any marijuana I might be able to buy from you? You see, our car exploded yesterday and I’m almost out of my own.

Am I a drug dealer? No I am not. Thank you for asking.

Am I a drug dealer? No, I am not.

Are there any guys out there who are JUST NORMAL!

are you here for the feeding?

As for Jacob, he left school tom become some leader of a cult in Iowa. Eventually, he tried organizing a mass suicide. He drank the kool-aid first, after that, everyone kind of changed their minds……..too bad!!

Barry, get the lights. It’s boner time!

Barry, hit the lights. It’s BONER TIME!

barry:tiny samon swimming in a stream/tiny samon chasing that impossible dream/the mytha bird says caw(E.L. echos caw)/the chimpanzee says eeeeeeeeeeeeelllllllll/ the friendly owl says hoo hahoo


Boy you better go after these kind of girlz now cause soon u r gonna be 40… and you will have to pay for these kind of women

By the way, cheech, that credit card you gave me was maxed out, so don’t go spending all your cash on guns and needles just yet.

C’mon Mitch, Ya gonna fuckin’ eat him?

Come on… Come on…. You gonna fucking eat ’em?

Di Did ya make a copy? cause if ya made a copy we could watch the copy.

Did I say two fingers?….better make it three.

did you just say the word boinked??

Did you make a copy? Because if you made a copy, then we could watch the copy.

Do you have anything with Asian chicks. I have this thing for Asian chicks and these magazines just don’t seem to be doin’ it for me.

Do you know what’s your problem, your too much brain, not enough Cock and Balls!!

Dont look at me Kyle I did not make up the rules

Dude! what did you do? Kill a cheetah?

E.L.) Bob Hope could jump this thing in a golf cart! ::Honks a lougie::: ::Bridge Breaks:: Roubin) Yea Well…Better make it 75.

E.L.: So were driving? Josh: Your comming? E.L.: Yea what else am I supposed to do sit here and learn…..Road Trip.

eat me, eat me, eat me, eat me, eat me, eat me, eat me, eat me-e-eat me!

EL: It isn’t easy being Josh’s penis. I’ve been in here three months now and I feel like I’m in a coma! I wish I was your dick, EL, because this is torture. If I don’t get some action soon, I’m just gona pack up my balls and leave!

engines have rotator splints….ummm yea

Fast forward to the horney stuff

Geez Man she is not a happy meal.

Good mornin to u- and u – and u- n u!……….I had the BEST night,..TWICE! and once this morning!!

he’s in austin, austin massachusetts… mean boston massachusetts….yea thats what i said

He’s tasty, Mitch, He’s tasty!

Heee’s probably jacking off.

Hey old man! I got the fuckin munchies reeeaaal bad…how bout you?

hey, old man, i got the fucking munchies rrreeeaalll bad! how about you?


hunny, your boner! – what do you want me to do, CUT IT OFF!!

I boiked her!

I boinked her!

I Do Not…Have Time…To Be Walking, THROUGH THE WOODS RIGHT NOW!

I dunno…I think I’ll go call my dad first…

I give it 20 minutes until we’re ass raped.

I had sex……………….with a woman.

i just said we’d make it across, i didn’t say anything about the wheels falling off.

I’m starting to question this whole college thing. I didnt know there would be this much reading involved

I’ve got one. It’s not considered cheating if you spread peanut butter all over your testicles and have your dog lick it off…because it’s YOUR dog.

if he doen’t see any action soon. well, he’ll just pick up his ball and move on

If you don’t really remember it… It never really happened.

It can’t be easy being Josh’ penis


It will be ok, it’s just the wheels.(explosion)

It’s good.

It’s her underwear. She gave them to me.(He sniffs them)GUYS IN THE BACKGROUND: aahh! gross!

It’s supposed to be difficult that’s why they call it a shortcut. If it were easy it would just be the way.

It’s supposed to be hard Kyle…that is why they call it a shortcut. If it was supposed to be easy they would just call it the way.

its not chating if u have different area codes

Its supposed to be a challenge, thats why its called a shortcut, if it were easy it would just be the way.

josh: good morning every one good morning every one how are you and you and you bary: what are you so happy about? josh:do i seem happy? EL:well your bounching around here like your Richard fucking simons

Josh: Well Kyle I certaintly hope you got all the boinking out of your system cause we got a lot of driving to do today, and dont get you hopes up about visting grace, its all about the mission at hand Ruben: Josh that sounds like a good idea except for one little thing. Josh: Whats that? Ruben: Were outta money. (arrive at sperm bank)

Kyle: Well I guess that counts me out! Ahhh. . .Cause I had sex last night. . .WITH A GIRL! :)

No, there is hope and it comes with batteries.

No, there is hope, and it comes with batteries

Oh ok, how about we start small, maybe a fresh towel?Maybe you can roll that up and smoke it

Oh That’s not fair…How come she gets to see the tape and we don’t!

One of you is marked for death.

over there is the english department, i see most of you already speak english so we can skip it.

Racist? But I watch Oprah Winfrey everyday.

Racist? I can’t be racist. I watch Oprah evryday!

sir this credit card is over it’s limit……son you go back over there and run that thru…i did three times sir, it says it’s over it’s limit….we’ve been coming here for 10 years….we’ve only been open 8

So, anyway, Josh got a B+ on his mid-term, he got to stay in college, and I’m happy to report that He and Beth are still together. They’re still really into making their, home movies, and they have about 70 minutes of unedited amateur video. It’s pretty wild! I know because I bought some of it on E-Bay!

something tells me the people of earth might need me

Stop, stop! WHOOAA ok keep doin’ it!!! aawhoohahahawhooooaaaaaaaaaaa….*eep*!

that is…the coolest thing…anyones ever done for me

that’s not fair… how come she gets to see the tape and we don’t?

The window of opportunity to drink, do drugs, and take advantage of young girls is getting smaller by the day.

Think about Josh you’re in college… the window of opportunity to drink and do drugs, and take advantage of young girls is getting smaller by the day. I’m telling you, if you pass this up it will haunt you for the rest of your days, your dick will never forgive you

Tiny salmon swimming in a stream, tiny salmon chasing that impossible dream, the minabird says UR UR UR, the chimpanzee says EEEEEEEEEEEE,the friendly owl says,Hoo hoo hoo, but the salmon can only say, Bloobloobloo, And it’s sad

Tiny salmon swimming in a stream.
Tiny salmon chasing the impossible dream.
The myna bird says caw, caw caw
The chimpanzee says EEEEEEEEEE
The friendly owl says who, who who
And it was sad.

Tiny salmon swimming in the stream…
Tiny salmon chasing that impossible dream
The mynah bird says *caw* *caw caw*
The friendly owl says *hoo* *hoo hoo*
But the salmon can only say….
(long pause)
And it’s sad….

tiny salmon swimming in the stream……
tiny salmon chasing the impossible dream…
the minor bird goes caw caw caw…..
the old friendly old goes hoo hoo hoo
and the chimpanzee goes eeeeeeeeeeeee
but the salmon only goes bloob

Tom Green-Tiny salmon swimming in the stream, tiny salmon chasing that imposible dream. The Mina bird says awww aw awww. The chimpanzee says eeeeeeeeee. The friendly owl says whooo who whooo. But the salmon can only say bluuu bluuu bluuuu….and it’s sad

u guys wanna smoke some drugs

u realise this is a national black fraternity? they know ur lying

Unleash the furry Mitch, UNLEASH THE FURRY


Wait, wait, i got one. Its not cheating if you spread peanut butter all over your testicles, and your dog licks it off- cuz its YOUR DOG!! get it?

We can make it.

We’re going to Austin, are you sure you don’t want to come? Nope, I’ve never really liked Massachusetts. That’s Boston, you’re thinking of Boston. We are going to Austin…Austin, TX. Oh…yeah.

Well thats me out coz i had SEX last nite, with a girl!

Well, I’ve had sex before. Just never with a girl

What did you do, kill a leopard?

What did you do?!?…Kill a leapord??

What did you kill a cheetah

What do u look for in a girl..NOOOOOOOO..crrr….hey look i can see myself on TV! hey look its my butt…i can see my butt!! HEHEE ITS BARRY!! why would you send this to me??

what else am i gonna do, stay here and learn?

what else am i gonna do? stay here and learn? …road trip

What else am i gonna do? Stay here and learn?? road trip!

What the hell happened to you last night? You’re bouncin’ around here like you’re Richard f*ckin’ Simmons.

what the hell is that? did you kill a cheetah?

What’d you do, kill a cheetah?

What’s that? Oh my God did you kill a cheetah?

Will you fucking eat ‘im?

Will you listen to yourself?! You’re 19 years old and your a fuckin’ sissy!

Ya gonna fuckin eat him?

Yeah, I’ve had sex before…just never with another person.

You gonna fuckin eat him?


You’re all cock and no balls

You’re already cheating. Every time you pass up sex your cheating on yourself.

You’re already cheating. Everytime you say no to sex, you’re cheating on yourself.

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