#1 – Gary the last time you ate her cooking you had diarrhea for a week. #2 – You had diarrhea for a week Dad! #1- That’s not appropriate dinner conversation. EAT!
#1)Uh, Gussie? #2)What? #1)When are we gonna open presents? #2)Presents? Is that what you said? Presents? I’ll tell you what. As soon as we get back, we’re gonna open the presents. Matter of fact, I’ll tell ya. I’ll save you the trouble. Your present is a giant, fuckin’ cannon, okay? And when we get back, you’re gonna crawl into it, okay? I’m gonna put two pounds of gunpowder in there, I’m gonna light it up, and I’m gonna shoot you right out into fuckin’ Jersey, okay? And then I’m gonna steal a car and drive to Jersey and pick up all the little fuckin’ pieces of your body, put ’em in a big plastic bag, bring it back to my house, put ’em in the fireplace, light ’em on fire. I’m gonna sit there with a glass of whiskey and watch the charlie brown special with your ashes heatin’ my fuckin’ house! OH!
(1) Did you know you’re bleeding? (2) Fuckin’ Willard’s dog (1) Cannibal bit you?? (2) His name is Cannibal?
(1) Got any cigarettes? (2) I don’t smoke, and Caroline just quit. (1) Just quit, huh… so, where are they Caroline? (3) What do you mean? (1) Where…are…they…ca..rol…ine? (3) Behind the chess board.
(1) Got any rope…LOYD? (2) What for? (1) What am I applying for a job? (2) No. (2) Then stop asking me fucking questions!
(1) Mom, the TV’s broken. What are we gonna do all night?
(2) Celebrate the birth of Christ!
(1) Oh, and more thing- your Christmas wish came true. You are to be out of here effective the day after Christmas. Isn’t that a wonderful Noel? (2) Bob, I nailed your wife. Last year after the town meeting. You were in Rhode Island on business. Three times, Bob. She said you never went three times…
(Gus on the phone with the Bartender)
Gus: Look, just see if there’s a Murray there.
Bartender: (to the patrons.) Is there a Murray here? (Into the phone.) I don’t think so.
Gus: See if there’s a waste of fucking life named Murray, try that.
Bartender: (to the patrons.) Is there a fucking waste of life named Murray here?
Murray: Gussy? Yeah that’s me.
(GUS)(on the phone)-hi is there a short little drunk loser there. (Bartender)-you just described evrybody in the place. (Gus)-well ask if theres a Murray there.(Bartender)-(to the bar)Is there a Murray here(to the phone)-No murray here pal. (Gus)-Ask if theres a waste of fuckin life named murray there.(Bartender)-Hey is there a fucking waste of life named Murray here (Murray)-Gussy yeah thats me
(Man Wacking Christmas Tree): Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me! I belive the corpse still has the floor!
(on the phone) Of course, I’m a little tired after running for TEN HUNDRED FUCKING MILES BECAUSE THERE WAS NO FUCKING CAR WAITING FOR ME!!!!!! (slams phone repeatedly on the counter)
(Woman#1): Where is Dr. Wong? (Woman#2): This is him. (Woman#1): You’re a Wong? (White Man): Well, my mother was Irish. (Woman#1): And your father? (White Man): …wasn’t.
1) Caroline and Loyd, will get the coffee and deserts then we’ll be opening presents.
2) We can’t open presents til midnight.
1) Why not?
2) Because it’s not Christmas until midnight!
1) We’ll be changing the rules, a little bit. We are opening the presents now. Not later, now. Why? We’re adults, and we can open our presents. WHENEVER WE WANT!
1) Caroline? Why don’t you eat something?
2) [Drunk] Loyd? Why don’t you eat me?
3) Kids, go to into the den. This not a conversation for children.
1) I had this dream…
2) Do we have to do dreams?
3) I’m in this restaurant, and the waiter brings me my entree. It was a salad. It was Lloyd’s head on a plate of spinach with his penis sticking out of his ear. And I said, ‘I didn’t order this.’ And the waiter said, ‘Oh you must try it, it’s a delicacy. But don’t eat the penis, it’s just garnish.’
3) Lloyd, what do you think about the dream?
2) I think she should stop telling it at dinner parties to all our friends.
1) I met this girl and she has a boat. I think she likes me. 2) A girl?! I’ve been stuck in this house for hours while the police is looking for me and you’re fucking dating!?
1) In the 9th grade, we told him to get a job. Do you know what he did? He started a prostitution ring for the football team and gave out my mother’s phone number! (2) And I still say that getting laid by an 18-year old Linebacker is JUST WHAT SHE NEEDS!
1) what’s that smell?
2) shut up!
1) You call your patients wackos?
2) Yeah, they, uh, they like it.
1) You know what, lady? I’d like to tie you to the back of a fucking truck.
2) You don’t have the balls.
3) Don’t do it! it’s not worth it.
1) I fucking hate her, Lloyd!
3) I know, I know.
1)And just who do you think you are? 2) Slipper socks…medium
1)Cannibal bit you? 2)His name is Cannibal?
1)That is NOT the spirit of Christmas. The spirit of Christmas is either you’re good, or you’re bad and you burn in hell. Who would catch a criminal and let him go free? 2)Republicans?
1)What’s your name? 2)Fuck you, that’s my name.
1)You got any rope, Loyd? 2)No, we don’t have any rope. 3)We have bungy cords.
1: I can’t believe it. 2: What? 1: You want to sleep with him! 2: I do not. 1: Use the ouchless, we have bungy cords!
Alright, stop! That’s it! What the hell is wrong with you people? You’re supposed to be a family, how can you talk to each other like that? Let’s just go on Oprah and get it over with! Christ!
Because the next time I see you, I’m gonna pluck all the hairs out of your balls…one by one, you fucking mule.
Bob, I nailed your wife. 3 times, Bob. She said you never went 3 times. . .Bob.
Caroline, the day you see anything through to the end, I’ll stick my own dick in my ear.
Caroline-He sounded upset
Guz- He should be, he’s gonna die a horrible fuckin death
Caroline: He has the kind of imagination… Lloyd: That the mofia gives scholarships for. … Dr. Wong: What do you think about the dream Lloyd? Lloyd: I think she should stop telling it at dinner parties.
Caroline: He sounded upset. Gus: He should be. He’s gonna die a horrible fuckin death. (doorbell) Caroline: Speaking of which!
Caroline: How can you be content when I am Miserable? Lloyd: Luck
Caroline: You know I don’t care if I wind up a truck-stop waitress with platinum blonde hair and pineapple earrings. At least I’d be happy, it’d be better than living with a corpse.
Dr. Wong: I am not here to judge or take sides…Caroline: Oh, what the hell good are you?
Great. I hijacked my fucking parents.
Great. I hijacked my FUCKIN’ PARENTS.
great………..i just beat up santa claus.
Great…I’ve kidnapped my fuc*ing parents.
Gus: From now on, the only person who gets to yell is me. Why? Because I have a gun. People with guns get to do whatever they want. Married people without guns–for instance–you–DO NOT get to yell. Why? NO GUNS! No guns, no yelling. See? Simple little equation.
Gus: Lady, if you hit that kid one more time I sware to god I’m gunna take that pigs head shuved it, RIGHT UP YOUR ASS!!!
Gus: SIT DOWN! Wowan: Excuse me, but i’m not one of your patients. Gus: You’re gonna be someone’s patient if you don’t get your ass back down into that chair. Kid: Wow! Woman: (hits kid on arm) Gus: I Swear to God, if you hit that kid one more time, i’m gonna stick that pig’s head right up you’re ass! Woman: Are you going to let him talk to me like that?! Man: The man is a doctor.
Gus: You. Saw. The. Stop. Sign. Didn’t you Llyod? Lloyd: Yes I did. Gus: Than that makes you a Liar. Big L. Little i. Little a. Little r. Period. Now shut the fuck up.
He was on the phone and he said Yugoslavia……..Yugoslavia?! There is no Yugoslavia anymore……Well anyone in their right mind…..He’s not in his right mind!
I had this crazy dream. I was at this fancy restaurant having lunch, the waiter brought me my entree…it was a salad. It was Lloyds head, on a plate of spinach, with his penis sticking out of his ear. And I said, ‘I didnt order this’ and the waiter said, ‘you must try it, its a delicasy…but dont eat the penis, its just a garnish.’
I had this crazy dream… I was at this fancy restaurant having lunch, and the waiter brought me my entree. It was a salad. It was Lloyd’s head on a plate of spinach, with his penis sticking out of his ear, and I said, I didn’t order this. And the waiter said, you must try it, it’s a delicacy. But don’t eat the penis, it’s just garnish.
I kidnapped my fucking parents.
I still say getting laid by an 18-year old line backer is JUST WHAT SHE NEEDS!
I thought moms we’re supposed to be nice, and sweet, and patient. I know loan-sharks that are more forgiving than you.
I thought mother’s were supposed to be nice and sweet and bake cookies, I know loan sharks more forgiving than you.
I’d rather be a truckstop waitress with platinum hair and pineapple earrings, but at least I’d still be alive.
I’m frightened! Humas get frightened because they have feelings. Didn’t your Alien leaders tell you that before they sent you here?!
I’m in Hell. Connecticut is the fifth ring of Hell.
I’m in hell.Conneticut is the fifth ring of hell.
Is it possible for you to shut the fuck up for 10 second?
Jesse: Take me with you. Gus: What is this the fucking circus? Take me with you?
Kid – Something like Mapplethorp, except a little more personal.
Headmaster – Demon seed!
Lady, I swear to god if you hit that kid ONE MORE TIME, I’m gonna shove that pig’s head RIGHT UP YOUR ASS.
Lady, your husbands not dead…he’s hidin’.
Lloyd: Mother! Mom: What? Lloyd: Is it possible for you to shut the fuck up for 10 seconds? Mom: Lloyd! Don’t talk to me like that in my own house! Lloyd: You know what, Mom? You knoe what I’m gonna get you for next Christmas? A big wooden cross. So every time you feel unappreciated for all your sacrifices, you can climb on up and nail yourself to it. Mom: Gary! Get my bags. I’m leaving! Connie: Oh, go get ’em yourself. He’s not your errand-boy! Mom: Has everyone in this house gone nuts? Who the HELL do you think you are?! Connie: Slipper-socks, MEDIUM!
MOTHER……….is it possible for you to shut the fuck up for ten minutes?????
Santa: You know, Lloyd, Caroline… Every year my wife and I give you a fruitcake, and you never give us a GODDAMN thing. My wife thinks it’s because y- … Hey. You had a gun didn’t you?
All: No, no.
Santa: Yes you did, YES YOU DID, you had a gun!
Gus: Okay, look pal.
Santa: What, you’re pulling a gun on me? I’m not afraid of you!
Gus: Look, just calm down.
Santa: You think you can take me? I’M SANTA CLAUS! AHHH! (runs at Gus, Gus knocks him out)
Gus: Great. I just beat up Santa Claus.
Shut up! Don’t make me nuts today, it’s Christmas!
Shut up, don’t annoy me today, it’s Christmas!
So you can be what? Someone who takes pictures of lutefisk to prove the nothingness of being?
The corpse still has the floor!
The truth is, we haven’t had sex in quite awhile. And before that, it wasn’t all that… umm, what’s the word… noteworthy. By our twelfth anniversary, we’d gotten into a pretty stale routine – a couple of kisses, a couple of nipple twists… It would all be over in about the same time it takes to make a cappuccino, I know because I timed it once.
This is a gun. It’s loaded. Shut up!
What am I, the fuckin’ circus? ‘Take you with me?’
What are we girlfriends, do I give a shit about this?
What are we, girlfriends here? Do I give a shit about this? No. Let’s moove.
What is the matter with you? I thought Mothers were sweet and nice a-a-and Patient. Your husband ain’t dead, lady. He’s hiding
What smells like piss?
What the fuck is wrong with you? I thought moms were supposed to be nice… and sweet an-an-and patient. I know loan sharks that are moer forgiving than you. Your husband ain’t dead, lady, he’s hiding.
You know what I’m going to get you next Christmas, Mom? A big wooden cross, so that every time you feel unappreciated for your sacrifices, you can climb on up and nail yourself to it.
You know what I’m gonna get you next Christmas? A big wooden cross so the when you feel unappreciated for your sacrifices, you can climb on up and nail yourself to it.
You know what mom? You know what i’m going to get you next year for christmas?? A giant fucking cross, so every time you feel unappreciated for all your sacrifices, you can climb on up and nail yourself to it.
You know what this family needs?
You think everytime I look in the mirror I shout ‘Gee, I’m glad I’m me, and not some 20 year old billionaire rock star, with the body of an athlete and a 24 hour erection?! No, I don’t! So just excuse the shit out of me!!
Your husband ain’t dead, lady. He’s hiding!
Your husband’s not dead lady, He’s hiding!
Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Ref, The’: Quotes from the movie ‘Ref, The’