Movie Quotes from Producers, The: Quotes from the movie Producers, The

‘Gregor Samsa awoke one morning to discover that he has been transformed into a giant cockroach.’ Nah, it’s too good.

(1) Ahem, ahhemm, cough, cough, ahemmm . . .
(2) I assume you’re making those cartoon noises to attract my attention.

(1)After that, we’ll play, The Abduction and the Cruel Rape of Lucrecia. And, I’ll be Lucrecia.
(2) And, I’ll be Rape.

(German Accent) It’z Zat LSD with hiz Babiez!

(old lady)Hold me. Touch me. (Max)Thursday.

(old lady)Watch the road, watch the road. (Max)How can I watch the road when I can’t take my eyes off you? (old lady)Oh Rudolfo, you dirty pig! Pull over.

–I made it out like you told me. To the title of the play, ‘Cash.’
–It’s a funny name for a play, ‘Cash.’

–I never should have listened to you.
–I never should have listened to you.

–What have you done?
–About six months. But I’m out on probation.

–Who are you?
–I am Leopold Bloom. I’m an accountant. I’m from Whitehall and Marks, and I have come here to do your books.

–You made a fool out of Hitler!
–He didn’t need our help!

-Actors are not animals! They’re human beings!
-They are? Have you ever eaten with one?

-Let’s assume, just for the moment, that you are a dishonest man.
-Assume away.

-Max, have you gone mad? A receptionist who can’t speak English? What will people say?
-They’ll say, ‘A wuma wa wa wa wa!’

-Max, he’s wearing a dress.
-No kidding.

-Roger, did you have a chance to read ‘Springtime for Hitler?’
-Remarkable. Remarkable. A stunning piece of work.

-What pun?
-Shut up! He think’s he’s witty.

-Who d’ya want?
-I beg your pardon?
-Who d’ya want? Nobody gets in the building unless I know who that want. I’m the concierge. My husband used to be the concierge, but he’s dead. Now I’m the concierge.

1) what’s the matter with you? 2) I’m hysterical, I’m having hysterics, I’m hysterical! [1 throws water in his face] 2)I’m wet! And I’m hysterical! [1 slaps him] 2)I’m in pain! I’m wet! And I’m hysterical! [1 goes to slap him again] 2)no, no, don’t hit, it only increases my sense of danger. Go away, go away, you frighten me…

Stormtrooper #1: I was born in Dusseldorf und that is why they call me Rolf!

Stormtrooper #2: Don’t be stupid, be a smarty, come and join the Nazi party!

Ah, Bialystock and Bloom, I presume. Heh heh, forgive the pun.

an annuity over the years

And ever since I’ve a secret desire to be a Broadway producer.

And I give a flower to the big fat cop. He takes his club and he beats me up. I give a flower to the garbage man. He stuffs my girl
in the garbage can. And I give it to the landlord when the rent comes
’round. He throws it in the toilet and he flush it down. It goes into the sewer with the yuck runnin’ through ‘er. And it runs into the river that we drink. Hey, world, you stink!

And you were right about one thing. You are a CPA. A certified public ASSHOLE!

Bialystock and Bloom.

Broadway! I haven’t been so happy since we crushed Poland!

But nobody ever said a bad word about Winston Churchill, did they?

But under the right circumstances a producer could make more money with a flop than he could with a hit.

Churchill! With his cigars, with his brandy, and his rotten painting! Rotten! Hitler, there was a painter. He could paint an entire apartment in one afternoon–two coats!

Didn’t I meet you on a summer cruise?

Dishonor ze spirit und ze memory of Adolph Elizabeth Hitler.

Don’t be stupid, be a smarty! Come and join the Nazi party!

Don’t be stupid, be a smarty, come and join the nazi party

Don’t be stupid, be a smarty, come and join the Nazi party!

Don’t you realize there’s a lot more to you than there is to you?

God bless Sweden!

Gotta sing sing!

Hilter was a great painter. He could paint an entire apartment in one afternoon. Two coats.

How could this happen? I was so careful. I picked the wrong play.
The wrong director. The wrong cast. Where did I go wrong?

How could this happen? We picked the wrong play, the wrong director, the wrong cast. Where did we go right?

I am the author. You are the audience. I outrank you.

I merely posed a little academic accounting theory.

I never sang a song before, I mean with someone else

I wanna be a producer.

I was never a member of the Nazi party!

I’m condemned by a society that demands success when all I can offer is failure!

I’m condemned by a society that demands success when all I can offer is failure.

I’m hysterical and I’m wet.

I’m not a madam! I’m a concierge!

I’m sorry. I don’t like people touching my blue blanket. It’s not important. It’s a minor compulsion. I can deal with it if I want to. It’s just that I’ve had it ever since I was a baby, and I find it very comforting.

I’m wet! I’m wet! I’m hysterical, and I’m wet! I’m in pain, and I’m wet! And I’m still hysterical!

If I could bottle you, I would shove you under my armpits every day.

It’s fate! It’s destiny! It’s kismet!

Lorenzo, baby. Lorenzo-Sais DuBois. But my friends call me L.S.D.

Love Power.

Many men sail through life. Bialystock has struck a reef!

Max Bialystock is launching himself into ‘little-old-lady’ land.

Max:(To statue) This man should be in a straight jacket! (Smiles at Leo)

Maybe I’ll get a good job in the prison library.

My blanket! My blue blanket! Give me my blue blanket!

never find it, huh?

No one every called me Leo before.

Not many people know it, but the Fuhrer was a terrific dancer.

Oooh…I fell on my keys.

Ooooooooh, I want that money!!!

perhaps we’ve met on a summer cruise?

Shut up! I’m having a rhetorical conversation!

So in order for our scheme to work, we’d have to find a surefire flop.

Sort of a Nazi hoedown.

Springtime for Hitler.

Stop the world! I wanna get on!

Thank you, I knew I could con you.

That’s exactly why we want to produce this play. To show the world the true Hitler, the Hitler you loved, the Hitler you knew, the Hitler with a song in his heart.

That’s exactly why we want to produce this play. To show the world the true Hitler, the Hitler you loved, the Hitler you knew, the Hitler with a song in his heart.

That’s it, baby, when you’ve got it, flaunt it, flaunt it!

Then why don’t you go and get it oh wicked witch of the west-a.

There was a painter…he could paint an entire apartment in one afternoon – two coats!

They come here. They all come here. How did they find me?

This crazy kraut is crackers! He crashed in here and crassly tried to kill us!

This is an accounting firm, not a country club.

This pin used to hold a pearl the size of your eye. Look at me now.
LOOK AT ME NOW! I’m wearing a cardboard belt!

Wait a minute! This is a very big decision. It might effect the course of my entire life. I shall have to think about it . . . I’ll do it.

We find the defendants incredibly guilty.

We open at Leavenworth on Saturday night!

We’re Prisoners Of Love.

Well, it’s simply a matter of creative accounting.

Well, talk about bad taste!

What are you doing, you neo-Nazi nitwit?

When you got it, flaunt it!

Where are you, Devil Woman!

white, white, white, is the color of our carpet.

Who said anything about slicing you up, man? I just wanted to cut a little ‘z’ in your forehead.

Will the dancing Hitlers please wait in the wings? We are only seeing
singing Hitlers.

You have exactly ten seconds to change that look of disgusting pity into one of enormous respect!

You’re an accountant. You’re in a nobile profession. The word count is part of your title.

You’ve mistaken me for someone with a spine.

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