motivation speech
#1 But they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn’t bind up as much. And I kept my staples for the Swingline stapler. #2 Ok Melvin. #1 No, it’s not ok because if they make me…if they take my stapler…I’ll have to set the building on fire.
#1 Peter, your in deep shit. You were supposed to come in on Saturday. What were you doing? #2 Michael, I did nothing. I did absolutely nothing, and it was everything I thought it could be.
#1 So Milton will be laid off ..
#2 .. Just a second there, professor .. we, ahh, we fixed the glitch.
#1:If you had a million dollars, what would you do? #2:Two chicks at once.
‘It seems you’ve been missing a lot of work lately.’ ‘I wouldn’t say I’ve been ‘missing’ it, Bob.’
‘Yeah, at least your name isn’t Michael Bolton.’ ‘You know there’s nothing wrong with that name.’ ‘There was nothing wrong with it until I was about 12-years-old and that no-talent ass clown became famous and starting winning Grammies.’ ‘Why don’t you just go by Mike instead of Michael?’ ‘No way! Why should I change? He’s the one who sucks!’
‘You don’t have to have money to do nothing. Hell, look at my cousin. He’s broke and don’t do shit.’
‘You need more pieces of flair.’
(1) Lawrence do you wanna come over?
(2) No thanks, man. Don’t want you fucking up my life too.
(on the answering machine) Listen, asshole, nobody hangs up on me! We’re through! Oh, and by the way…I’VE BEEN CHEATING ON YOU!!!
…PC Load Letter…what the Fuck is a PC Load Letter!?!?!
…we aren’t going to a white collar resort prison, no, we are going to a federal pound me in the ass prison!!
..and then they switched from swingline to Boston staplers…but I kept my swingline because it didn’t jam as much….i kept my staples too. And then they moved me from the window…..I could see the squirrells…..they were married>
1 Sometimes I get the feeling she’s cheating on me. 2 I know what you mean.
1) What if we’re still doing this when we’re 50? 2) It would be nice to have that kind of job security.
1) (knocks on wall) Hey Lawrence, do you wanna come over? 2) No thanks man. I don’t want you f—in’ up my life too.
1) …anyways, I think this guy could help me. I mean, he helped Anne lose weight.
2) Peter, she’s anorexic.
1) Yeah, I know. The guy’s really good.
1) …so every day you see me, that’s on the worst day of my life.
2) How ’bout today, is today the worst day of your life?
1) Yep.
2) Wow, that’s messed up.
1) hey did u hear what happened to smikowski 2)No what? 1)lucky bastard…someone fill in the rest!!!!!!!
1) I dont think I am going to go any more. 2)Are you going to quit? 1)No, i’m just going to stop going.
1) It’s a ‘Jump to Conclusions Mat’! You see, you have this mat, with different CONCLUSIONS written on it that you could JUMP TO!
2) That is the worst idea I’ve ever heard!
3) Yes, this is horrible, this idea!
1) Well Peter it seems that you have been missing alot of work latley. 2) Well Bob, I would say I’ve been missing it.
1) Well Peter it seems that you have been missing alot of work latley. 2) Well Bob, I wouldn’t say I’ve been missing it.
1) When you go in to work on a monday and you’re kind of having a bad day, does anyone ever say to you, ‘sounds like someone’s having a case of the mondays?’
2)No.
No, man.
Shit, no, man.
I believe you’d get your ass kicked sayin’ somethin’ like that, man.
1) why didn’t you go to work today? 2) I just didn’t feel like it, i don’t think I will feel like it tomorrow either 1) so you are just not going to go? what are you going to find another job? 2) no i don’t like working all that much i don’t think i will miss it
1)’We’re not in Kansas anymore.’ 2)Yeah. Really. (laughs) 1)It’s on your – (points) 2)Oh!
1)Has anyone ever told you that you have a case of the mondays? 2) No man. Shit no man! Thats messed up, i reckon youd get your ass kicked for sayin somethin like that.
1)I thought you said you wanted to express yourself? 2)I do wanna express myself and i don’t need 37 peices of flare to do it! There(Middle finger)Hows that! This is me expressing myself!
1)If you don’t like being called Michael Bolton, why don’t you just go by Mike? 2)Why should I change MY name? He’s the one who sucks.
1)It’s a mat with different conclusions that you can jump to…
2)that is the worst idea i have ever heard
1)Lawrence, what would you do if you had a million dollars? 2)I’ll tell you what I’d do, man. Two chicks at the same time.
1)Lawrence, what would you do if you had a million dollars? 2)You know what id do man? Two chicks at the same time.
1)Michael Bolton? 2)Yeah. 1)Are you related to that singer guy? 2)No, it’s just a coincidence.
1)Now, Milton, don’t be greedy. Why don’t you just pass the cake around so everyone gets a piece. 2)Yes, but last year, I didn’t recieve a piece and– 1)Just pass. 2)I could set the building on fire.
1)Now, we have to swear to God, Allah, that we won’t tell anybody about this. Not family members or girlfriends or anybody. (from the next room) 2)Don’t worry, man! I won’t tell anybody either!
1)Peter why don’t you tell us a little about your day. Yeah just run us through the average work day for you 2) Well generally I come in at least tweenty minutes late, I sneak in through the backdoor so Lumberg won’t see me, then for the next hour i just kinda space out. 1) Space out? 2) Yeah i just kinda stare at my desk, but it looks like i’m working… I’d say in a given week i do about 15 minutes of actualy work.
1)Well at least your names not Michael Bolton 2)Theres nothing wrong with that name 1) There was nothing wrong with it until i was about 12 years old and that no talent ass clown became famous and started winning grammies 2) Why don’t you just…go by Mike? 1) No way, why should i change he’s the one that sucks
1)what would you do if you had a million dollars? 2)I’d do 2 chicks
1)What would you do with a million dollars? 2)Besides two chicks at the same time? 1)Well, yeah. 2)Nothing. I would sit on my ass all day and I would do nothing. 1)You don’t need a million dollars to do nothing. Just look at my cousin. He’s broke, he don’t do shit.
1)You better wear rubber, dude. 2)Why’s that? 1)Because she gets around. 2)Really? 1)Oh, yeah. Like a record.
1-Why don’t you just go by Mike? 2-Why should I change, he’s the one who sucks.
1. It appears you’ve been missing work a lot lately. 2. Well Bob, I wouldn’t say I’ve been missing it.
1. I really think this hypnotism thing could work. It helped Anne lose all that weight.
2. Anne is anorexic!
3. I know, he’s really good.
1. in these conjugal visits, you can have sex with women? 2. yes 1. I’ll do it
1.) Hello Peter…what’s happening? Uhhh….we have sort of a problem here. Yea…you apparently didnt put one of the new cover sheets on your TPS Reports. 2.) Oh, yea, I’m sorry about that I…I forgot. 1.) Mmmmm…yea, you see we’re putting the cover sheets on ALL TPS reports now before they go out–did you see the memo about this? 2.) Yeah, yea, yea- I have the memo right here, I just uhh…forgot, but uh, it’s not shipping out til tomorrow so there’s no problem. 1.) Yea..if you could just go ahead and make sure you do that from now on, that would be great… And uhh, I’ll go ahead and make sure you get another copy of that memo. Mmmmkay? Bye bye Peter.
1.) What would you do if you had a million dollars? 2.) I’ll tell you what I’d do, man. Two chicks at the same time.
1.I admit that I don’t like Chachkis, but I ‘m not about to go in there and steal money from the cash register. 2. Yeah, well, maybe you should.
1: C’mon Samir. This is America, they’re not gonna cut your hands off here. At worst we’ll be sent to some minimum security resort prison. 2: With conjugal visits. 1:With conjugal visits! 3: I don’t know… in these conjugal visits, you can have sex with women? 1: Yup. 3:… Okay, I’m in!
1: Hi, my name is Steve. I come from a rough area. I used to be addicted to crack but now I am off it and trying to stay clean. That is why I am selling magazine subscriptions.
1: it doesn’t matter, i don’t like my job, and i dont think i’m gonna go any more. 2: so won’t you get fired? 1: i dunno, but i really dont’ like it, so i’m not gonna go any more. 2: so you’re gonna quit? 1: no, i’m just gonna stop going.
1: It’s not that I’m lazy, it’s that I just don’t care.
1: peter i’m not going to do anything illegal. 2: zamir this is america, it isn’t Ryiat, they’re not gonna saw your hands off.
1Paper jam, why dose it say paper jam when there is no paper jam, i swear one of these days i just kick this pice of shit out the window. 2 you and me both man that things lucky im not armed
Bob: Looks like you’ve been missing alot of work lately. Peter: I wouldn’t say that I’ve been missing it.
about that ya ummm if you could just move your desk down to storage room B, ya umm tha’d be great, thanks……and while your down there could ya take care of the roach problem by the end of the day tha’d be great, thanks
african squrriels green genitals
All up in your ass like a resurrection
Amd I said, I don’t care if they lay me off either because I told Bill if they move my desk one more time, then I’m quitting.
And, and I told Don too, because they’ve moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were merry..
Aww sounds like somebody’s got a case of the mondays!
Bob Slydell: I’d like to move us right to Peter Gibbons. We had a chance to meet this young man, and boy that’s just a straight shooter with upper management written all over him.
Bob Slydell: No! No, of course not! We find it’s always better to fire people on a Friday. Studies have statistically shown that there’s less chance of an incident if you do it at the end of the week.
Bob Slydell: So we just went a ahead and fixed the glitch.
Bill Lumbergh: Great.
Dom Portwood: So um, Milton has been let go?
Bob Slydell: Well just a second there, professor. We uh, we fixed the *glitch*. So he won’t be receiving a paycheck anymore, so it will just work itself out naturally.
Bob Porter: We always like to avoid confrontation, whenever possible. Problem solved from your end.
BOB: Are you any relation to the pop singer? MICHAEL: No, it’s just a coincidence. BOB: To be honest with you, I love his music. I do. I am a Michael Bolton fan. For my money it doesn’t get any better than when he sings When a Man Loves A Woman.
Bob: So what would ya say, ya do here??
Tom: I already told you, I deal with the god damn customers so the engineers don’t have to, I have people skills, I am good at dealing with people, can’t you understand that, WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU PEOPLE!!
boss: johanna…we need to talk. johanna: about my uh flare?? boss: hu..or your lack of flare.
Bryan:AHHH GAGAGAGAGA…Can I start you guys off with something to nibble on..some pizza shooters shrimp poppers or extreme fajitas?
Peter:Naw just coffee
Bryan:Sounds like the case of the mondays!
but.. but.. ma… ma… ma stapler!
Cock gobblers
cock goblers!
Corporate accounts payable Nina speaking, just a moment!
Corporate Accounts Payable, Anita speaking … just a moment!
Corporate accounts payable, Nina speaking. Just a moment.
Corporate accounts-payable Nina speaking… just a moment. Corporate accounts-payable Nina speaking… just a moment.
Corporate acounts payable, Nina Speaking….just a moment
damn it feels good to be a gangsta
Damn it feels good to be a gangsta.
damn it feels good to be a ganster
Did ya get that memo?
Did you get that memo? Ah..yeah, it’s just we’re putting new coversheets on all the TPS reports before they go out. That would be great.
Did you get the memo?
didn’t you get that memo
Do we know any coc dealers? My cousins a coc head!!
Dont came back in a dress hahaha faggot
Dude… an occupational hypnotherapist?!?
Every single day that you see me, that is the worst day of my life.
Everyday is worse than the day before…so…everytime you see me, THAT’S the worst day of my life….
excuse me senor, i ordered a ,mai taiand you gave me a pina colada, and also no salt, NO SALT in the margarita
Excuse me, Senor…I asked for a Mai Tai and they brought me a Pina Colada…and I asked for no salt, NO SALT for the margarita, but there was salt on it…I can take my travler’s checks to a competing resort…I can put strickanine in the guacomole and have this place condemned
Excuse me..excuse me senor? May I speak to you please? I asked for a my thai & they brought me a pina colada…and I said no salt, NO salt for the margarita but it had salt on it. Big grains of salt. If it happens again I won’t be leaving a tip…cuz I could shut this whole resort down…Sir…I could take my travelers checks to a competing resort…I’ll just write a letter to your Board of Tourism and I could have this place condemned…I could put strichnine in the guacamole…There was salt on the glass, BIG grains of salt…
For my money’s worth I don’t think it gets much better then when he sings When a Man loves a women.
Fuck…Shit…Fuck this shit!
fuckin a
Fuckin a man
Fuckin’ A, man. Fuckin’ A.
Fucking A man…Fucking A
Gimme anything to drink and a glazed donut.
Goodmorningaccountspayable,Ninaspeaking!…JUST A MOMENT!!
got my pistol point cocked, ready to lay shots non-stop until i see your monkey-ass drop, and let your homies know who done it, cuz when it comes to this gansta shit you motherfuckers know who run it, we’re standin up for our own shit and when you motherfuckers put us to the test you betta realize sumthin, nigga, you’re fucking with the very best, i’ve got this killa up inside of me, i can’t talk to my mother so i talk to my diary
Have you seen my stapler?
He’s getting out of the hospital tomorrow, and he’s going to throw a big party this weekend to celebrate. We’re all invited. I’m thinking I’m going to take that new chick from logistics. If things go well, I might be showing her my Oh face. Oh! Oh! Oh! You know what I’m talking about. Oh! Yeah! See you guys later.
He’s my boss! My unholy, disgusting pig of a boss!
Hell. Lumburgh fucked her.
Hello my name is Steve…I come from a rough area…I used to be addicted to crack but now I am off and trying to stay clean…That is why I am selling magazine subscriptions
hey peter man! yea! watch out for your cornhole bud!
Hey Peter man, put it on channel 9, the breast exam is on again…
hey peter whaaaaaaatttttttssssssss happening
Hey Peter!! Check out channel 9!!
Hey Peter…what’s happening? Yeah umm..I’m gonna need you to go ahead and come in tommorow around mmmmm9..yeah ok then that’d be great
Hey, I can knock these walls down.
Hey, Peter…. watch out for your cornhole, bud.
I also am not a pussy.
I am a guy and i want your penis
i AM GOING
i believe you have my stapler
I believe you have my stapler.
I can’t believe I told those fudgepackers I like Michael Bolton’s Music!
I can’t believe what a bunch of nerds we are. We’re looking up money laundering in a dictionary.
I could put strychnine in the guacamole.
I did absolutley nothing, and it was everything I hoped it could possible be.
I did nothing, absolutely nothing, and it
was everything I thought it would be.
I did nothing, absolutely nothing, and it was everything I thought it would be.
I did nothing, and it was everything I thought it could be
I did nothing. I did absolutely nothing and it was everything I thought it could be.
I did nothing. I sat on my ass all day and did nothing, and it was everything I thought it could be.
I don’t like to talk about my flare
I don’t really like talking about my flair.
I don’t think I’d like another job.
I dont undestand why people don’t undestand. It’s Na Heen Nin a Jar…Nahininajar….it’s not that hard
i got my pistol point cocked, ready to lay shots non-stop until i see your monkey-ass drop, and let your homies know who done it, cuz when it comes to this gansta shit you motherfuckers know who run it, we’re down for our own shit and when you motherfuckers put us to the test you betta realize sumthin, nigga, you’re fucking with the very best, i’ve got this killa up inside of me, i can’t talk to my mother so i talk to my diary
I gotta get out of here, I think I’m going to lose it.
I gotta wake my ass up at 6 am everyday of this week…yeah, im doing the dry wall up there at the new McDonalds
I gotta wake my ass up at 6AM everyday this week. Drive down to Vascaledas. Yeah I’m doing the drywall up there at the new McDonalds.
i hate my job
I have 8 bosses Bob. Pardon me? 8 Bosses. Eight? Eight Bob! That means that when I screw something up, I have to hear 8 different people tell me about it.
I have people skills! I’m good with people. Why can’t you see that?
I have to admit, I’m a Michael Bolton fan.
I love Kung Fu
I swear to god one of these days I just kick this piece of shit out the window!
I told Bill that if they moved my desk one more time that I’ll be quitting. And I told Dom too because they’ve moved my desk 4 times already this year and I used to be by the window and I could see the squirrels, and then they switched.
I too, am not a pussy.
i used to be by the window where i could see the squirrels and they were merry
i usually come in about 15 minutes late, i use the side door that way lumberg can’t see me, then i just kinda space out for about an hour. 2: what? space out? 1: yeah, i just stare at my desk, but it looks like i’m working. i do that for about another good hour after lunch too. i’ld say in a full week, i only do about 15 minutes of real, actual work.
I was tod that i could listen to the radio at a reasonable level from nine to eleven
i would say thru the week i do about 15 minutes of sold work.
I wouldn’t say that I have been missing work Bob
I’m a free man and I haven’t had a conjugal visit in six months
i’m a people person, damnit!
I’m gonna show her my O face…O, O, O.
I’m just talking about fractions of a penny, but we do it from a much bigger tray, and we do it a couple million times
I’m thinkin i might take that new chick from logistics, things go well i might be showin her my O face, OH, OH, OH, you know what i’m talkin about, OH
I’m thinkin’ about takin’that new chick from logistics…things go well i might be showin’ her my O face, oh,oh,oh, you know what i’m talkin’ about…..oh..
I’ve got a meeting with the Bobs in a couple of minutes.
I-I was told that-that i-if I was late one more time that I-I’d be summarily dismissed.
I-I’ve been told I could listen to the radio at a reasonable time from 9 to 11 so I don’t see why I have to turn down the radio.
I..I..I Believe you stole my stapler
If Sandra can listen to her headphones while she’s filing, then I can listen to the radio when I’m collating.
If she’s lucky she’ll be seeing my O Face….you know…Ohh…ohh…ohh…
if they take my stapler i’ll burn down the building
if thing go well ..I’ll be showing her my oh face…..your oh face?…. yeah my oh.ohoh.ahhhoh face
if you like her so much, why don’t you just ask her out?
Im gonna burn the building down….
In these congical visits you are aloud to have sex with women?…….Then I’ll do it!
Is that Smykowski? Whats he doing? Probably working on another heart attack.
It was fine until that no talent ass-clown started winning Grammys
It’s a mat, with conclusions, that you can….jump to.
It’s not just about me and my dream of doing nothing…
It’s not just about me and my dream of doing nothing; it’s about all of us… together!
It’s not that I’m lazy, it’s that I just don’t care.
its my flare…We’re required to wear 11 pieces of flare.
its not that i’m lazy, it’s just that i don’t care.
Its not that Im lazy. I just dont care. Its a problem of motivation.
Joanna: Ugh, I didn’t think this was a good idea, what if you get caught?
Peter: Yeah, well I didn’t think it was a good idea to sleep with Lumbergh.
Joanna: Hey… oh right, Lumbergh.
Peter: AAAHHH!!! Oh my god, Lumbergh.
Joanna: Hey Peter what’s wrong, that was like 2 years ago, I mean did you know him?
Peter: Yeah I know him, I know him, he’s my boss, he’s my annoying disgusting pig of a boss.
Joanna: He isn’t that disgusting.
Peter: He represents all that is soulless and wrong, and you slept with him!
Joanna: Hey that is none of your business, I didn’t ask who you slept with, I don’t care.
Peter: Well I didn’t think you’d sleep with guys like Lumbergh!
Joanna: Hey, who the hell do you think you are? How dare you judge me. What you think you’re some kind of angel or something? No you’re just this penny-stealing wanna-be criminal man.
Peter: Well that may be, but at least I never slept with Lumbergh.
Joanna: I’m getting out of here! Call me when you when you grow up, oh wait that’s never gonna happen, so just don’t call me, okay?
Peter: Say hello to Lumbergh for me!
Lawrence, can’t you just pretend like we can’t hear each other through the wall?
Lawrence: Fuckin-A man Peter: Yeah Lawrence, Fucking-A
Let me ask you something, when you go to work on Monday, and you’re not feeling so good, does anyone ever say ‘sounds like a case of the Mondays? -No. No man. Shit, no man, I believe you’d get your ass kicked for saying something like that
Let me ask you something. When you come in on Monday and you’re not feelin’ real well, does anyone ever say to you, ‘Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays’?
No. No man. Shit no man. I believe you’d get your ass kicked sayin’ something like that.
Looks like somebody has a case of the Mondays!
Lumberg fucked her!
Lumberg fucked her!!!
Lumberg fucked her!!!
Michael Bolton is a no talent ass clown.
Michael Bolton was a fine name until that no talent ass clown started winning Grammys
Michael Bolton? Is that your real name?
MICHAEL: Yeah, atleast your name isn’t Michael Bolton. SAMIR: You know there’s nothing wrong with that name. MICHAEL: There was nothing wrong with it until I was about 12-years-old and that no-talent ass clown became famous and starting winning Grammies. SAMIR: Why don’t you just go by Mike instead of Michael. MICHEAL: No way. Why should I change? He’s the one who sucks.
Might take the new chick from logistics, things go well i might be showin her my O face, OH OH OH, you know what i’m talkin about, OH
Milton, whats happening ummmm i’m gonna go ahead and move you down to storage room B. Yeah we need to make room for some boxes.
Milton: …and I could see the squirrels and they were merry…
Milton: Excuse me, Senor? May I speak to you please? I asked for a Mai Tai, and they brought me a Pina Colada… and I said no salt, NO salt for the margarita but it had salt on it– big grains of salt and if it happens again, I won’t be leaving a tip…cause I could… I could shut this whole resort down…Sir?… I could take my traveler’s checks to a competing resort!…I’ll just write a letter– to the board of tourism and I could have this place condemned…I could put, I could put strichnine in the guacamole…there was salt on the glass– big grains of salt!
mmmmm yeeeeaaah
Mother shitter son of an ass
Mother Shitter, Son of an Ass!!!
Mother Shitter….Son of a….Ass
Mother…shitter, Son of an… ass.
MOTHER…SHITTIN’… SON OF A– ASS! OOH! I JUST……..
Nina: Just pass.
No way, Why should I change he’s the one that sucks.
no-talent ass clown
Not now Lumberg, I’m kinda busy…
Not now Lumbergh, i’m kinda busy. I’m gonna have to ask you to go ahead and come back at another time. I gotta meeting with the Bob’s in a couple of minutes…
Now Milton don’t be greedy
Ohhh. so how is that not stealing?
Okay… but I could burn down this bulding…
On any given day, I’d say I do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work.
One time when I had a window, there were trees and there were squirrels and they were in love.
P-what would you do if you had a million dollars? L-i’ll tell ya what i’d do..two chicks at the same time, i figure if i was a millionaire, i could hook somethin like that up, cause chicks dig dudes with money. P-not all chicks. L-well, the type of chicks that’d double up on a dude like me do. P-good point.
Patient: Since I started working at Initech, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day you see me, that’s the worst day of my life.
Hypnotherapist: Whoa. That’s messed up.
PC Load Letter, what the fuck does that mean?
PC Load Letter? What the fuck does that mean?
PC Load Letter? What the FUCK does that mean?!?!?!?!
PC Load Letter?? What the FUCK does that mean?
PC Loadletter, what the fuck does that mean?
PC Loadletter?? Who the fuck is that?!?
Peter Gibbons: He’s going to ask me to work on Sunday and I’m going to do it, because I’m a pussy, which is why I work at Initech in the first place.
Peter! Whaaat’s Happening? I’m going to ask you to go ahead and come
in on Saturday. Thanks Peter!
Peter’s Dream: Hell, Lumbergh fucked her! Lumbergh fucked her! Lumberrrgh fucccccked herrr…. Ohhhh that is grrrreat…that means she was seeing the oh face for sure… ohh ohhh ohhhhh… oooooh! If you could just go ahead and move a little bit to the left… that’s it.. grrrreeaat.. Peter- whats happening…um– could you get me those TPS reports, ASAP? Mmmmkay?
Peter, most people don’t like their jobs, but you go out there and you find something that makes you happy.
Peter- has anyone ever told you, ‘it looks like someone’s got a case of the mondays’?
Lawrence- no. . .shit no man. i believe you get your ass kicked for saying something like that
Peter-It is like taking a penny from the jar…Joanna-From the Crippled kids?
Peter: I uh, I don’t like my job– and uh, I don’t think I’m gonna go anymore.
Joanna: …You’re just not gonna go?
Peter: Yeah.
Joanna: Won’t you get fired?
Peter: I don’t know. But I really don’t like it, and uh- I’m not gonna go.
Joanna: (laughs) So you’re gonna quit?
Peter: Nah-uh… not really. Uh- I’m just gonna stop going.
PETER: What would you do if you had a million dollars?
PETER: What would you do if you had a million dollars? LAWRENCE: I’ll tell you what I’d do man. Two chicks at the same time, man.
Peter:I have a meeting with the Bobs in a couple of minutes. Lumberg: I didnt know about that. Peter: Yeah, well, they called me at home.
Rob Newhouse: Conjugal visits…not that I know of. Now minimum security prison is no picnic. I have a client in there right now. He says the trick is…Kick someone’s ass the first day or become someone’s bitch, then everything will be alright.
Samir Na..Naga…Not gonna work here anymore.
Samir Naga…Naga, well Naga work here anymore anyway.
Samir Nogga–… Nogga–… Nogonna work here anyways!
Samir….Naga….Naga….Naga…Not gonna work here anymore!
SAY HI TO LUMBURG FOR ME
Scuse me… scuse me… well ok but that’s the last straw
she gets around, like a record! ooO ooO
she gets around…like a record
She just looks like the kind of girl that would cheat on a man.
shit no man, i believe you get your ass kicked for saying something like that!
Shit, Lumburgh fucked her.
SO CAN I GET YOU GENTLEMEN SOMETHING MORE TO DRINK? OR MAYBE SOMETHING
TO NIBBLE ON? SOME PIZZA SHOOTERS, SHRIMP POPPERS, OR EXTREME FAJITAS.
So can I get you gentlemen something more to drink? Or maybe something to nibble on? Some Pizza Shooters, Shrimp Poppers, or Extreme Fajitas?
So in these congical visits…you get to have sex with women? (Peter– Yep, that’s right.) Okay, I’ll do it.
Sounds like sombody’s got a case of the Monday’s
Sounds like somebody has a case of the Mooooondays
sounds like somebody’s got the case of the modays
Sounds like somebodys got a case of the Mondays.
stupid, stupid, stupid
Sup G?!
the nazis had flare. they made the jews wear it.
the nazis had pieces of flair they made the jews wear
The ratio of people to cake is too big.
There it is
There WAS nothing wrong with my name- until I was about twelve years old and that no-talent ass-clown became famous and started winning Grammys.
These women came, and they took my stapler, and I liked my stapler. It was a Swingline too
they’re not going to cut your hand off, this isn’t riyadh.
Things go right, I might be showing her my ‘Oh Face.’ Oh. Oh. Oh.
This is a fuck!
This is a fuck….I I shit!
This is not plan, this is…suck!
Thomas Laskowski?? He-he’s useless!!
Thumbs up their asses… thumbs up their asses!
TO BE HONEST WITH YOU, I LOVE HIS MUSIC. I DO . I AM A MICHAEL
BOLTON FAN. FOR MY MONEY, I DON’T THINK IT GETS ANY BETTER THAN WHEN HE
SINGS WHEN A MAN LOVES A WOMAN
uh
Uh oh, sounds like someone’s got a case of the ‘Mondays’!
Um Didn’t You Get The Memo?
um ya it’s not a half day or anything we started at the regular time
Umm excuse me, I ordered a Mia Tie and you gave me a Pina Colada, and I asked for no salt, NOOO salt on the Margarita, but there was salt, big grains of salt. I am going to write the board of tourists and have this place condemned.
ummmm yeaaa …Peter…whaaaats hapening…I’m going to need you to go ahead and come in tomorrow
Ummmmm yeeeeaaaaahhh, I’m gonna have to disagree with you on that one.
W-wait… you used to be addicted to crack?
we need to talk about T.P.S. REPORT
we need to talk about your flair or lack of.
We noticed you’ve been missing a lot of work lately. Well, I wouldn’t say I was exactly missing it.
We’re going to have to move you down to storage B… um yea… while you’re down there can you work on the cockroach problem?
We’re not going to some white collar resort prison. No, no, no! We’re going to federal POUND ME IN THE ASS prison!
We’re not going to your white collar federal prison, we’re going to you average pound me in the ass prison
Well I was told that I could listen to the radio at a reasonable volume…
Well Peter, it looks like you’ve been missing alot of work lately….I wouldn’t say I’ve been missing it BOB….
Well that may be….but at least I didnt sleep with Lumbergh
Well you guys can eat my ass
Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late, ah, I use the side door–that way Lumberg can’t see me, heh–after that I sorta space out for an hour. Yeah, I just stare at my desk, but it looks like I’m working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch too, I’d say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work.
Well, I wouldn’t exactly say I’ve been missin’ it, Bob!
Well, I’m not a penny stealing thief. At least I didn’t sleep with LUMBERG!!
What am I going to do with 40 subscriptions to Vibe?
What am I going to do with 40 subscriptions to __________
What am I going to do with forty subscriptions to ‘Vibe’?
What am I gonna do what 40 subscriptions to ‘Vibe’?
What is it exactly that you do here?….Why couldn’t the customers take it to the engineers?….
What would you do if you were a millionaire?
I tell you what I’d do……two chicks at once!
What would you say ya do here?
What’s happening?
What’s up G?
What’s up, G?
What’s Washington like? Well its like Calcutta, surrounded by beggars. The only difference is the beggars in Washington wear 1500 dollar suits and they don’t say please or thank you.
Whats up G
Why can’t anyone pronounce my name? It’s Nyinanajar. Ny-een-ah-na-jar.
Why does it say paper jam when there is no paper jam??
Why does it say paper jam when there is no paper jam. I swear to God one of these days I just kick this piece of shit out the window!
why does it say paperjam when there is no paperjam??? I swear to god one day i just kick this piece of shit out the window!
Why is my name so hard to pronounce? Na-ee-na-na-jad! Naiinanajad!
Why should I change? He’s the one that sucks.
Ya know the nazis had pieces of flare. they made the jews where them
ya see we are putting these new cover sheets on our tps reports
yea i maybe going to jail for a while
Yeah, Hi, this is Bill Lumberg calling…
Yeah, I don’t like my really like my job, and I don’t think I’m gonna go anymore.
Yeah, I’m just not going to go. I don’t like work and I’m just not going to go anymore.
Yeah, ya know, I do wanna express myself…and I don’t need 37 pieces of flair to do it! (claps hands and flips off her boss) There, how’s that? This is me expressing myself! I hate this job. I hate this god damn job and I DON’T NEED IT!!!
Yeah…I’m gonna hafta go ahead and sorta…disagree with you there. He’s been sorta flakey lately, and he’s had some trouble with his TPS reports.
Yeeaah.. That would be greeeaat
yeeaahhhh hi its bill lumburgh again jut wanted to make sure you did know that we started at the usual time this morning, its not a half day or anything like tat
Yeeah, did you get that memo?
yes, but its been three weeks and i still havent got my pay check…
Yes, I too am not a pussy.
You are a very bad man. I sentence you to 5 years in a federal pound-me-in-the-ass penitentiary.
You don’t need a million dollars to do nothin’, man. Take a look at my cousin. He’s broke; don’t do shit.
You know I dont really like paying bills so I’m just not gonna pay them anymore.
You know the Natzi’s had pieces of flare they make the Jews wear.
You know the Nazi’s had piece’s of flare that they made the Jews wear.
You know the Nazi’s had pieces of flare that they made the Jews wear!
You know the nazis had flair that they made the jews wear.
You know the Nazis had pieces of flare they use to make the jews wear.
You know what I can’t figure out. How is that all these stupid, Neanderthal mafia guys can be so good at crime, and smart guys like us can suck so badly at it?
You know what I can’t figure out? How is it that all these stupid neanderthal mafia guys can be so good at crime, and smart guys like us can suck so badly at it.
You know, I never really liked paying bills.. I don’t think I’m going to do that, either!
You know, the nazi’s have peices of flare they made the jews wear…
You know, the Nazis had ‘pieces of flair’ they made the Jews wear!!
You see there’s this mat, with different conclusions written on it, that you could jump to.
You see, the trick is to kick someone’s ass the first day or become somebody’s bitch…
Your name is Michael Bolton!
Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Office Space’: Quotes from the movie ‘Office Space’
