Movie Quotes from Noises Off…: Quotes from the movie Noises Off…

–Anything wrong with the seat?
–Yes, it faces the stage.

1) And don’t fall down Tim, we might not be insured. 2) What?

1) You can’t walk around like this 2) Like what? 1) In your underwear 2) Alright I’ll take it off then

1)I’ve worked with a lot of directors, Lloyd. Some of them were geniuses. Some of them were bastards. But I’ve never met one who was so totally and absolutely…I don’t know…2) Thank you, Gary I’m very touched. Now will you get off the fucking stage?

a) He’s been standing there the whole time.
b) Standing there like Hamlet’s father.

Actor1:And God said, Where the Hell is Tim? And there the Hell was Tim. And God said, Let there be doors that open when they open, and close when they close. Tim:Do somthing? Actor:DOORS!!! Tim:I was getting bannans for the sardines.

ACTOR: What are we waiting for? DIRECTOR: I don’t know what you’re waiting for. Her eighteenth birthday?

actress: Lloyd, my dear, are you alright? Lloyd: I’m starting to know what God felt like when he sat out there in the darkness creating the world. / actress: And what did he feel like, Lloyd, my dear? / Lloyd: Very pleased he’d taken his Valium!

Alright, I’ll give you a reason. You take them into the study Freddy, my darling, because it’s just after midnight, and we’re not going to be finished before we open tomorrow night. Correction: Before we open TONIGHT!!!!

Am I putting him on or is he putting me on?

And God said where the hell is Tim? And there the hell was Tim.

And I take the sardines. No I leave the sardines. No, I take the sardines.

At least I think that’s what she said. Freddy-or Teddy. Teddy-or Freddy. One or the other.

Bag Bag! What Do You Mean Bag Bag? Bag Bag Bag!!

Darling, don’t play the fool. Get the bottle marked poison from the downstairs loo.

Get her a plate of Mashed Bananas

I don’t understand why the prince looks like Phillip.

I just stopped in to go into a few things -er- check some of the measurements -er- do one or two odd jobs.

I’m not here, I’m off. Only its the royal, you know, where they wear those hats and they’re all covered in fruit

I’ve worked with a lot of directors Lloyd. Some of them were geniuses, some of them were bastards, but I have never worked with one who so absolutely and totally I don’t know.

If we can get through this play once tonight with doors and sardines. Doors and sardines. That’s what this plays all about doors and sardines. Getting on, getting off. Getting the sardines on. Getting the sardines off. That’s farce. That’s theatre. That’s life.

Lloyd, what we’re saying is simply this: Here we are busting are asses up here and…Christ!

Lloyd:Brooke? Brooke:Yes? Lloyd:Are you in? Brooke:In? Lloyd:Are you there? Brooke:What? Lloyd:You’re out. I’ll call again.

Lucky I can’t see far with this leg.

M-M-M-Mrs. Newspaper!

Oh, God she’s going to wash away her contact lenses

Oh, I thought I heard my voice.

Oh, this isn’t something you gave me is it? I’ll just put it in the attic with the other things you gave me that are just too precious to wear.

Poor Lloyd’s going to choke on his gummi bears

Selsdon: What’s next on the bill? Lloyd: Well, Selsdon, I thought we’d try a spot of rehearsal. Selsdon: Oh, I won’t, thank you. Lloyd: You won’t? Selsdon: No, you all go ahead. I’ll just sit and watch. This is… beer in the wardrobe, is it? Belinda: No, my dear, he wants us to rehearse. Selsdon: Yes, but I think we’ve got to rehearse, haven’t we? Lloyd: Yes, Selsdon. Right. Well done. I knew you’d think of something.

Selsdon? I’m not blind! I can see Selsdon!

That’s right, nowhere like bed when they all get on top of ya!

The only thing I like about Tech rehearsals is you get a chance to sit on the furniture.

The sardines! They’ve gone! No, they haven’t . My God, I mean my God, I mean you put a plate of sardines down the last thing you expect is to come back and…

They’re in Spain too, they’re all in Spain. Am I in Spain no I’m not in Spain I’m in agony that’s where I am.

This is the BEER in the WARDROBE is it?

Tim, let me tell you about my life in the big apple. I’ve got Hamlet’s ghost on the phone for an hour every night complaining that Polonius is sucking sourballs through his speeches. Gertrude is off every afternoon doing a soap, and Claudius is off doing a commercial for Gallo wine. Hamlet himself, would you believe, has come down with a psychological problem. Now Brooke rings me to say she’s very unhappy here and she’s got herself a doctor’s certificate for nervous exhaustion. I haven’t got the time to find and rehearse a new Vicky. I have just one afternoon, while Hamlet sees his shrink and Ophelia starts divorce proceedings, to cure Brooke of her nervous exhaustion with a little whiskey… you’ve got the whiskey, some flowers… you’ve got money for the flowers, and a certain fading bedside manner. So I haven’t come to the theater to hear about other people’s probelms. I’ve come to be taken out of myself, and preferably not put back again.

we don’t want four plates of mashed banana running around the set

Yes, we’ll only just manage to fit it in. I mean, we’ll only just do it. I mean…

you know how stupid I am about entrances

you know how stupid I am about lines

you know how stupid I am about moves

You leave the sardines and you go out with the newspaper.

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