Movie Quotes from Loaded Weapon 1: Quotes from the movie Loaded Weapon 1

(1) Those cookies were laced with cocaine. (2) No wonder I couldn’t eat just one.

–Give me a name!
–Weren’t your parents supposed to do that?

–Quid pro quo, Mr. Colt.
–What does that mean?
–It means I’m pretentiuos.

–You got anything smaller?
–Keep it.
–Anything larger?

1) Where’s the microfilm?
2) I don’t know, I gave it to York. I thought she was one of your men.
1) Act in haste, repent in leisure.
2) But he who hesitates is lost.
1) Never judge a book by its cover.
2) What you see is what you get.
1) Loose lips, sink ships…
2) Life is very short, and there’s no time for fussing or fighting, my friend.
1’s aide consults Bartlett’s Familiar Quotations, shakes his head
1) Sorry, no good.

1) Where’s the microfilm?
2) I don’t know, I gave it to York. I thought she was one of your men.
1) Act in haste, repent in leisure.
2) But he who hesitates is lost.
1) Never judge a book by its cover.
2) What you see is what you get.
1) Loose lips, sink ships.
2) Life is very short, and there’s no time for fussing or fighting, my friend.
1′ aide consults Bartlett’s Familiar Quotations, shakes his head
1) Sorry Mike, no good.

1)And you’re talking about the microfilm which holds the recipe for turning cocaine into innocent looking cookies? 2)Yes. 1)I don’t know anything about it.

1)Didn’t you die? 2)I thought this was the sequel.

1)Do you know General Morters? 2)Well, I drive a Buick.

1)Do you sleep in the nude? 2)Only when I’m naked.

1)Dooly here’s bet us he can escape in fifteen minutes. 2)How long’s he been at it? 1) 3 days.

1)excuse me. Do you have any of these in taupe? 2)No taupe. Beef jerky. 1)And you call this a convenience store?!

1)Hey, what you got Sarg? 2)I don’t know. Nothing solid. You got any theories? 1)E=MC squared. 2)Any of your own? 1)No

1)how many men have you slept with? 2) Five, maybe six. 1)Not a lot for this day and age. 2)It’s been a slow week.

1)I just gotta know. What does human flesh taste like? 2)Chicken.

1)I’ll tell you Sarg, something just doesn’t add up. 2)What? 1)My wife and I haven’t had sex for two years. I have a 6 month old daughter.

1)If I were you I wouldn’t leave town. 2)Oh, I won’t I live here.

1)In a little while Miss York, you’ll be begging for mercy. 2)No, no, I’ll beg now.

1)Let her go and keep me. 2) No, 1)Ok, keep her and let me go.

1)Lugar, you came. 2)That’s personal. But what’s important is that I’m here.

1)Now you blow it, you’re going down! You screw up you’re gonna be hung out to dry! You drop the ball you’re gonna be like twisted in the wind! If you embarrass this department your pants will be dancing with figs! Is that clear?! 2)Everything but the pants-fig thing, uh…

1)Ouch. 2)What? 1)Painful cuticle. 2)You think that’s painful? Razor burn. 1)Retaining water. 2)Nickel beer night. Dodger stadium. 1)And these? Vietnam? 2)Perrocial School. Grenade. Riot at a Love Connection Taping. 1)That’s nothing. Plate in my head, elective surgery. I was a fool. 2)Try this:low budget organ transplant. 1)Colt, enough foreplay. We were made for each other!

1)She was supposed to meet you here the night she died. Why? 2)It’s where I live. 1)Yeah, but why you? 2)Because the other guy couldn’t come up with the security deposit.

1)So uh, Ben, your dad help you dith your homework? 2)Nah. I don’t want to repeat the fifth grade again.

1)So what are we looking at Doc? 2)The worst dressed stiff I’ve ever seen. 1)This stiff and I pounded a beat together for 5 years. Show some respect. 2)I’m sorry Wes. You know I see so much of this senseless mayhem, that sometimes I get a little insensative. Alright, this loser has taken the chickenshit way out and punched her own ticket. 1)Suicide, huh? She must have caught herself by surprise.

1)So, what are you doing here? 2)Waiting for you. 1)I mean, what brought you here? 2)A taxi. 1)But why? 2)My car’s in the shop. 1)I mean, what the hell are you doing here?

1)So, what’s with all the candles? 2)I couldn’t find the light switch.

1)Tell you what. It’s gonna take a lot more then a couple of car bombs to get us off this case. 2)Not a hell of a lot more.

1)This would not be a good time to lie. 2)If now’s not a good time, when is?

1)Validated. 2) huh? 1) VALIDATED! 2)(Gives Parking attendet some money) 1)(looks at the money) Do you have anything smaller? 2) … Keep it… 1) Anything larger? 2)Yeah

1)We’d like you to come downtown, answer a few questions. 2)OK. wait, this is downtown. 1)Headquarters.

1)What are we looking at here? 2)A mixed breed. Rottwieler and chihuahua. I guess they used some kind of lubricant.

1)What flavor icee you got today? 2)Kiwi-cherry. 1)yuck.

1)What you got Earv? 2)Oh, beats me Sarg, Dandruff, Sebria, maybe just dry scalp. 1)Have you tried this Earv? I use it. 2)Head and Shoulders? But Sarg, you don’t have dandruff. 1)I know.

1)What you have Earv? 2)Oh, I’m not sure Sarg. t’s a nagging, itching, burning sensation. 1)What the hell do you expect? Your foot’s on fire.

1)What’s wrong? 2)Nothing. Taking a shit.

1)Where are you going? 2)Nowhere. I’m just taling one of those unmotivated, butt in the moonbeam walks.

1)Would you reconsider that retirement? 2)Only if Colt can be my partner. 1)I think that can be arranged. (Colt and Lugar together) Sequel!

1)You got a picture? 2)Yeah. 1)Is that her? 2)No that’s her picture.

1)You’ve reached the desk of Sergant Lugar. Please leave a message after the beep. 2)Yeah Wes this is Billy…1)Hey, I said after the beep! 2)Excuse me! (Beep)

1-Is this 1014 Pacific Coast Hwy? 2- Huh? 3- 1014 Pacific Coast Hwy!?!… 2- NO, This is 814 Pacific Coast Hwy, 1014’s two blocks that way! 1- Sorry, my mistake 2- No problem, no problem!

1-What ya got sarg? 2-(picks up big handful of slime) Nothing solid. Got any theories Irv? 1-E=MC squared. 2-Any theories of your own?

1. Luger you came 2. Thats personal, but whats important is that I’m here.

1: Give me a name!
2: Weren’t your parents supposed to do that?

1: He was my C.O. in NAM. CIA listed him as M.I.A. but the V.A. ID’d him and so we put out an APB.
2: Oh, I see.

1: I’m your worst nightmare.
2: No, waking up without my penis is my worst nightmare.

1: Nothing, like a good smoke after you’ve just blown someone away. Do you mind?
2: yeah
1: ehh, your right these things are dangerous

1: This guy’s cookies were laced with cocaine.
2: No wonder I couldn’t eat just one.

1: You blow it, you’re going down. You screw up, you’re going to be hung out to dry. You drop the ball, you’re going to be left twisting in the wind. If you embarrass this department, your pants will be dancing with figs. Is that clear?
2: Everything except for the dancing with figs part.

COLT: (picks up the cue card and points to each word) I mean, why the hell did you come here?

COLT: Luger!
LUGER: In here. (COLT kickes open the door to find LUGER on the can)
COLT: What happened?
LUGER: Nothin’. Takin’ a shit.
COLT: Oh. Sorry. (Shuts the door)

Dear, I know you’re just trying to block the memory, but your mom’s been dead for 6 months. Uh-oh, did I forget to give you that message?

Half the payment now. Half tomorrow. Half on delivery.

Hell, I breastfed ’till I was 16 years old and i still don’t understand women.

Hey honey, nice outfit. Points out all the tourists attractions.

I hadn’t been paying enough attention to her. I realized how neglected she felt when she shit in my shoes.

I would love to eat his cookies with some fava beans and a nice chilled fresca

I’m going after Morters. Alone and by myself.

I’m just a gal like any other gal. I want a home, a family, an occasional spanking.

Next time, instead of just smoking ciggerettes in bed, do you think we could actually make love?

Nice weather? You think we’re having… nice weather? I guess you didn’t lose the only one that meant anything in your life. I guess you don’t feel burned out by the human misery and despair perpetrated by the criminal vermin that infest every pore of this decaying city, forcing you to guzzle cheap wine and cheaper whiskey to dull the pain that shatters your heart, rips at your soul, and keeps your days forever gray. What flavor Icee you got today?

She used to sleep at my feet and lick my toes. Though sometimes she’d forget about me and lick herself for hours.

These matches say you’re lying.

We’re investigating a felony, Miss Demeanor.

When Claire was excited to see me she’d pee on my leg.

York and I were in academy together. Then we partnered for five years. Before that, we dodged the draft together. Before that, we played high school football together. Before that, we were in grade school together. And before that, we breast fed together.

You were a crossing guard? Ha! You guys were all geeks!

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