‘Cause I feel like a god-damn idiot calling you about a god-damn flower!
1: But this guy works for us and he’s GONE!
2: He works for me because I told your men to hire him and he’s STAYING!
1: How much are these?
2: This is Bobby in canned goods. Are you anywhere near the manger? We need a price check on the Soor Baby Peas.
3: Soor Baby Peas?
4: They’re on sale today, 2 for $.59.
3: 2 for $.59.
1: But I only want one.
2: Copy that, but she only wants one.
3: How much for one?
4: It’s the same thing, it’s a 2 for 1 deal.
3: I suggest you get 2.
2: Nevermind, I believe we’ve lost interest in peas, repeat, lost interest in peas. Canned goods out.
1: I see this as a chance to get my men on their toes. Thinking sharp.
2: Oh so you think they’re dull too?
1: Seven heavily armed, well trained men can’t take care of one little old lady. You disgust me.
2: Yes sir.
1: Well you can count on me Secret Agent Douglas.
2: Special Secret Agent In Charge Douglas Chesnik.
1: Well you finally got to shoot someone, Douglas?
2: Yes ma’am.
1: Well did you kill him?
3: Shot him in the toe.
1: Oh, and after all that practice.
1: What’s this all about? She sits up in her room for 5 years and now we’ve got golf.
2: And opera.
1: And opera. What’s next?
2: Synchronized swimming.
1: With all due respect, ma’am, why me?
2: Because I like you, Douglas.
1.Just back to pick up your accoutrements? 2.Speak English Fred. 1.Just back to pick up your shit?
1.[to 2] Does she want to be known today? [2 shakes his head] 1.[to customers and cashiers] Don’t know her! Don’t know her! Don’t know her!
Lost interest in peas. I repeat, lost interest in peas.
The President is comingto Somersville. Will you have the cars and the machine guns ready in about an hour?
And Tess, get in the god-damn chair.
Because I like you, Douglas.
Do not tell me what I do and do not know. That is not your place.
Have you Secret Service boys gone and lost the president’s wife again?
I have some exciting news for you: I have an inoperable brain tumor. I have bought you and your men a Spud missle launcher. I have tickets to the opera. Which of these do you think is true?
I think you like having 7 men, and no women agents, I notice, at your beckon call day and night.
I want soap, water, and blankets. Nobody sees her like this.
I’m a Secret Service Agent, Mrs. Carlile, not a caddie.
In an abandoned warehouse?!? I don’t think so! 5..4..3..
Ma’am, excuse me, but we are not leaving this house until you are seated on the right side with your seatbelt firmly fastened.
Mrs. Carlile is pretty slippery, isn’t she? I mean for a senior citizen.
Mrs. Carlile would knock Nancy [Reagan] out in the 6th or 7th round.
She kicked us out of the house.
Tess: Didn’t you guard Ford or Agnew or someone?
Agent: No ma’am.
Tess: All they ever did was play golf.
Agent: Yes ma’am.
Tess: That was a real blessing to the country.
Agent: Yes ma’am.
Tess: Why are you making noise? We’re trying to putt.
Agents: Yes ma’am.
Very good, Douglas. You’re going to be alright. Very good.
Washington is a dead-end town, Douglas.
Well it must get pretty crazy. Woman lives like a hermit, likes to play golf in a snowstorm. Rhudementary facts, Douglas.
What does she want now?!? A Goddamn fruit drink or something!?
Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Guarding Tess’: Quotes from the movie ‘Guarding Tess’