Girl, you look so good, someone ought to put you on a plate and sop you up with a biscuit!
‘The royal penis is clean.’
(Arsenio Hall plays girl in club) I’m gonna tear you apart….and your friend too
(barber)Damn boy,is that some kind of weave or something. (Hakim)It is my natural hair, I have been growing it since birth. (barber)What do you put in this? (Hakim)Only juices and berries. (barber)Shit, that ain’t nothin’ but ultra perm. How ya want me to cut this? (Hakim)Just make it nice and neat. Snip. (barber)That’ll be eight dollars
(Trying to pronounce the Queen’s name): A-o-leon? Ay-alien? Hey alien!
– As long as you’re asking, why not go for a cool million? – You do not think that would be too much? [beat] – Naaaahhhhhhhh.
…and I’m gonna tear you apart, and your little friend too.
1) Excuse me, sir. There are some people here to see you. 2) They’re not from McDonalds, are they? 1) I don’t think so.
1) Heh, I don’t know whether to kiss your hand, or bow, or what. Heh heh, I feel like breakdancing, heh heh.
1) I go to the university! 2) Which one? 1) The University of America! 2) I’ve never heard of that one. 1) It is a very small university. They do not even have a basketball team.
1) If you’re the prince, then who am I? 2) My servant?
1) Son, let me give you a piece of advice…..if you want to continue to work here, lay off the drugs. 2) Yes, sir.
1) This is it, Semmi! Life! Real life! A concept we have been denied for far too long! GOOD MORNING MY NEIGHBORS! 2) Hey, fuck you! 1) YES, YEEEESS! FUCK YOU TOO!
1) We seek meager accomodations 2) Excuse me?
1) Well it’s a stupid tradition 2) Who might have changed it? 3) I thought you were the king
1) Where would you find such a woman? 2) In America!
1) Who was that? 2) Jehova’s Witnessess
1) YES!! YES!!! 2) What are you doing? It’s half-time. 1) Yes, that is my favorite part!
1) You are not Akeem! 2) I know that! 1) What’s this? 2) It’s a photograph, I think that’s where he works. 1) My son works? Where is he, I must speak to him. 2) I gave him my apartment…downstairs, first floor, apartment 1-A.
1) You mean, Akeem is the Prince? 2) Yes, and he’s in love with your sister 3) How come she always gets the good one!
1).What about Patrice? 2).I am not interested in Patrice. 1).What about Darryl? 2).I am not interested in Darryl either!
1)I will remember this experience for the rest of my life 2) Who was that? 3) Oh just someone I met in the restroom…
1)Joe Louis is the greatest boxer that ever lived. 2)What about Rocky Maciano? 1) Every time someone talks about boxing some white boy gotta bring up Rocky Maciano. Rocky Maciano is good, compared to Joe Louis, Rocky Maciano ain’t shit. 3) He beat Joe Louis’s ass.
1)Okay, now what the fuck do you want?! 2) We desire a room 3) you better not be wasting my time, do you have money………………………………well come on in, gentlemen…
1. I have recently been placed in charge of garbage! Do you have any that requires some disposal?
2. No, it’s totally empty!
1. Tell me, what kind of music do you like ? 2. Whatever music you like. 1. What kind of food do you like ? 2. Whatever food you like. 1. hmmm, bark like a dog. 2.arf arf arf 1. A big dog ! 2. ARF ARF ARF
1. Dear Sire, Akeem and I have depleted our funds. Kindly send 300,000 American dollars for we are in dire straits. Your humble servant, Semi.
1. Oha, it is my 21st birthday. Couldn’t I just wipe my own ass for one day? 2. Very amusing sir.. WIPERS!!!
1.Good morning my neighbours!
2.hey FUCK YOU!
1.Yes, Yes, FUCK YOU TOO!
>Just taste the soup!
>> Ok, where’s the spoon?
a)Did you amange to catch the professional football game on television last night? B) No A) The Packers of Green Bay took on the Giants of New York and the giants gained victory by kicking an oblong ball made out of pigskin through a big H! It was most exhilarating! B) Son… you wanna keep working here don’t you? A) Yes. B) Stay off the drugs. A) Yes.
A.Hop on one leg…Bark like a dog
B.Arf Arf Arf
A.A big dog
B.Woof Woof Woof
A; taste the soup!
b: what is there a problem with the soup.
A:NO just taste the soup
B:What is there a fly in the soups
A: NO just taste the soup
B: Wheres the spoon?
A: AHAHA AHAHA
And if loving the Lord is wrong, I dont want to be right.
And when i say the boy has his own money, I mean the boy has his own money! Oh Lisa you hit the jackpot now!
Aoleon: My name is Aoleon
Cleo (intrigued): Aoliien..Aaalien…
Believe me, I tied my shoes once. It is an overrated experience.
COME ON, DON’T STALL ME FATBOY!
come on, dont stall me fatboy!
Damn shame what they did to that dog.
Did you happen to catch the professional football contest on television last night? Ohhhh it was most exhilirating. The Giants of New York took on the Packers of Green Bay, and in the end, the Giants triumphed by kicking an oblong ball made of pig skin through a big H. It was a most ripping victory.
Donations, Donations! I thought it was trash!
EVERYBODY PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER FOR JACKSON HIEGHTS OWN MR. RANDY WATSON!
From an admirer, not Darelle? Somebody’s messin around!
From this point on, anyone who throws rose petals at my son will answer to me!
Fuck you! Fuck you and fuck you… who’s next?
FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! AND FUCK YOU! Whoâ€™s next?
Get outta here dog!
Give it up for Mr. … Randy … Watson-ah! Sexual Chocolate!
GO ON HONEY! TAKE A CHANCE
He helped GI-LI-GAAANNNNN get off the Island !
He rescued Jonah-ah from the whale-ah! He rescued Daniel-ah from the Lion’s Den-ah! He got Gilligaaaaan-ah off the Island!
He’s not the prince! HE’S the prince. He’s just the servant.
You mean HE’S not the prince? Why does she always get the good ones!
Heads, we go to New York. Tails, we go to Los Angeles.
Here, Queen, why don’t you try the lazy-boy..
Hey Akeem, be careful I think my sister likes you.
Hey Stu! Your rent’s DUE, motherfucker! And don’t be pulling that falling down the stairs shit again! Yeah, you conscious…
Hey Stu, you’re rent’s due mother fucker! And don’t be pullin that fallin down the stairs shit on me, you hear! Are you conscious?
Hey wazz happenin’ brotha?! You’re a little late for the Christmas pageant……HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Hey! Who’s gonna clean up all these damn flowers!
Hipopotamus Shit! Your the edge of the thrown of Zamunda, your wife would have a firm backside & big breasts like a Sour Melon.
His mama name him clay im gonna call hom clay 2)MMM I say clay
His mamma call him Clay, I call him clay
How come she always gets the good ones??
I bet you learn all that fightin’ lions and shit…
I came to America to find my bride. I came to Queens to find you.
I don’t care how much a man ‘admires’ you, he’s not gonna give you earrings like that unless you’re giving him some bu’tang!
I don’t go out with a guy unless he drives a BMW
I have a confession to make…..I worship the devil..
I only date a man if he has a BMW.
I think you call it SOCCER!!!!
I thought it was a trash can!
I told you, the girl doesn’t want you! Can’t you get that through your greasy head?!
I want a woman that will arouse my intellect as well as my loins.
I want a woman who will arouse my intellect as well as my loins!
I want to tear you apart and your friend to.
Just make it nice and neat. That’ll be $8.00
the royal penis is clean your heines
I wantcha to take hold of da Lord’s unchangin’ hand…Because he helped Joshua fight da battle of Jericho, because he helped Daniel git out da lions den, because he helped GILLIGAAAN get off da island!
I was Joan of Arc in my past life.
I’m King Jeffey Jaffa, ruler of Samunda!
I’M VERY HAPPY TO BE HERE!!
If loving the Lord is wrong, I don’t want to be right.
if loving the lord is wrong, then i dont want to be right
If you’re really a prince, I’ll marry you!
It was a most ripping victory.
It’sh beautiful. Vhat is it, velvet?
Just let your soul glow, make it oh so silky smooth. Just let it shine through baby, just let your SOUUUULLLL GLOWWWWW!
JUST LET YOUR SOULLL GLOW
let them wait ,i am talking to my son
Lisa, you did it! You hit the jackpot! That little goat herder of yours makes Darryl look like he’s on welfare!
Man,you aint never meet no Frank Sinatra
May I present, Sexual Chocolate
Missy Vee, get the fucking quotes right! It’s Peaches not Jeezers and no on is the edge of the the throne he is the heir to the throne. If you don’t know the quote don’t put anything up there.
Mr. Frank Ozkerwitz…Pickup the white courtesy phone.
My name is Jeezers and i’m the best, all the DJ’s want to fell my breasts..e up e up e up.
My name is Jeezers and i’m the best all the Dj’s want to feel my breast…a up a up a up.
My name is peaches and I’m the best, all the DJ’s want to feel my breasts
My son works!
Now! You all know him, as Joe the Policeman, from the Whats Going Down episode, of Thats my Momma. So I’d like you to put your hands together, for Jackson Heights own, Mr Randy Watson.
Oh put a sock in it, Jaffa…the boy is in love.
OH,there they go.Everytime i start talk’n boxing, a white man gotta pull Rocky Marciano out they ass!
ohhh there they go. there they go. why every time i start talkin about boxing a white man gotta pull Rocky Marciano out they ass? rocky marcciano was good, but compared to joe lewis, rocky marciano aint shit. 2) he beat joe lewis’ ass. 3) he did beat joe lewis ass. 1)joe lewis was 75 years old when they fought, jow lewis came out of retirement to fight rocky marciano. jow lewis always lied about his age. one time frank sinatra came in here and sat down on this chair. i said frank u always hanging out with joe lewis. just between me and you how old is he? u know what frank said? jow lewis is 137 yeas old. 137 years old! 4)u aint never meet no frank sinatra. 1)FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, AND FUCK YOU! , whos next?
Old Man (feeling African king’s lion scarf thing): This is BEAUTIFUL! What is it, velvet?
Please do not spill your beverages.
Prepare the royal luggage! My son is going on a trip.
SEE YOU NEXT WEDNESDAY
See, Iâ€™m washing lettuce! Soon, Iâ€™ll be on fries. In a few years, Iâ€™ll make assistant manager, and thatâ€™s when the big bucks start rolling in!
SEXUAL CHOCLATE!!!!!! SEXUAL CHOCLATE!!!!!
sexual chocolate everybody!!
She’s your queen to be
SHE’S YOUR QUEEN TO BE, FREE OF INFECTION
so ,you want to share your bed and your fortune with a beautiful fool
So please, give all you can. Now, we appreciate the kind that jingles, but we’d rather get the kind that folds.
So you say you can have a woman who’ll obey your every command, but youd rather have a woman who has an opinion. Only dogs are to obey. If you truly love your wife, you will value and cherish her opinions. Hippopatamus shit…you’re the heir to the throne of Zemunda, your wife should only have a pretty face, a firm backside, and big breasts like casabamelons. So you’d share your bed and your fortune with a beautiful fool? That is the way it has always been with men of power…it is tradition. It is also tradition that times must and always do change my friend.
So you want to sell your royal oats? Go out and see the world and then you can come back and marry your money.
So you want to sow your royal oats? Go out and see the world, and in 40 days you will come back and marry yemani
So you would share your bed and your fortune with a beautiful fool?
some goes an hour. some an hour and a half. and thats it. I want a man who can satisfy me.
Some wish to be..a king..or a queen..some wish for fortune and fame
Son, I thought that surely you had sex with your bathers. I know I do.
THAT BOY CAN SING. THAT BOY GOOD. MMMH HMMM GOOD AND TERRIBLE.
That boy is good! ……. damn that boy could sing!
That’ll be eight dollars.
Thats beautiful what is that velvet
The royal penis is clean your highness…
The royal penis is clean, your highness
The royle penis is clean your heinous.
The the fucking quotes right, you don’t sell your royal oats, Missy watch the damn movie again. And girls name is Peaches, who the fuck is Jeezers.
There’s a thin line between love and nausea.
They got the golden arches. I’ve got the golden arcs. They got the Big Mac. We got the Big Mic. We both have 2 all beef pattties, special sauce, but they have a sesame seed bun. Our buns have no seeds.
They’re Mac Donalds; I’m Mic Dowell’s. They’ve got the Golden Arches; We’ve got the Golden Arcs.
Think of it this way, at least we learned how to make fries.
This is beautiful!!!Whats this velvet??
This is beautiful, what is it, velvet?
This is the first date Teresa and I have been on…since the doctor separated us.
Vadda you know from funny?
wait a minute wait a minute a man walks into a restaurant and orders some soup, he says waiter come here and taste the soup the waiter says’ is there something wrong with the soup’ the man says taste the soup, the waiter asks ‘is there something wrong with the soup?’ Just taste the soup! The waiter says alright I’ll taste the soup, where’s the spoon? Akha! Akha! vadda you know from funny?
We have been to every bar in queens.
Well that’s what your doing wrong boy you can’t go to no bar to meet nice women you gotta go nice places, like library, good women there, and church is good girls…or where I’m going tonight, the black awareness rally, they gonna be some fine women there tonight, good good clean girls! That’s where I’m going shit!
Wearing clothes must be a new experience for you
What does ‘dumb fuck’ mean?!
What does Dumb Fuck mean?
What is going on? And why are you being nice to Akeem all of a sudden.
What is that? Velvet?
What kind of sports did you play in Africa? Chase the monkey.
What kinda chemical you got in there?
I have put no chemical, only juices and berries.
Shit that ain’t nothin but ultraperm.
when i take a look at the contestantsah…..for the miss black awareness pageantah…i feel goodah…i fell real goodah…because i know ther’s a godah …somewhereah..there’s a godah somewhereah
When you think of garbage, think of Akeem!
WHO THE FUCK IS THIS ASSHOLE?
WHO THE FUCK IS THIS ASSS-HOLE?
Yeah honey, well I’m almost single. My husband’s on death row.
YES! YES! In the FACE!
Yes!!!! YES!!!!! FUCK YOU TOO!!!!
Yes, but I want a woman who is going to arouse my intellect as well as my loins!
Yes, yes, fuck you, too!
You all know him as Joe the policeman on the, whats going down episode
of Thats my Momma.
You dumb Fuck!!
YOU MUST BE OUT OF YOUR GODDAMN MIND!
You see, that’s the problem: I can’t find a MAN who can SATisfy me. Some men go a hour, hour-an-a-half… That’s not enough! My man’s gotta put in OVERtime for ME to get off!!!
you sweat from a baboon’s balls!
Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Coming to America’: Quotes from the movie ‘Coming to America’