Movie Quotes from Annie Hall: Quotes from the movie Annie Hall

(actor)When I die I want to be torn apart by wild animals. (Alvy)Yeah, probably eaten by some squirrels.

(Alvy)I wonder what she looks like naked?

(Alvy)Jesus, I’m standing here with the cast of The Godfather.

(Alvy)Let me ask you something. Is this a sandwich?

(Alvy)Max, are we driving through plutonium?

(Alvy)Well, Duane, I’m due back on the planet Earth.

(Alvy)What I wouldn’t give for a large sock with horse manure in it.

(Annie)La Di Da! La di da!

–Well, you are what Grammy Hall calls a ‘real Jew.’
–Thank you.

1) With your wife in bed, does she need some kind of artificial stimulation?

2) We use a large, vibrating egg

1.Sometimes I ask myself how I’d stand up under torture.
2.You? You kiddin’? If the Gestapo would take away your Bloomingdale’s charge card, you’d tell ’em everything.

1: Look a that V.P.L. 2: V.P.L.? 3: Visible Panty Line.

A relationship, I think, is like a shark. You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.

Alvy (talking about LA): I don’t want to live in a city where the only cultural advantage is that you can make a right turn on a red light.

Annie: Would you like a lift?
Alvy: Sure which way you going?
Annie: I’m going downtown.
Alvy: Oh, I’m going uptown.
Annie: It’s ok cause I’m going uptown too.
Alvy: You just said you were going downtown.

ben shan drawings

Do you realize the rest of the world looks at us as a bunch of left-wing, homosexual Jewish pornographers? I think of us that way sometimes and I live here!

Don’t knock masterbation, it’s sex with someone I love.

Don’t knock masturbation – it’s sex with someone I love.

Don’t knock masturbation, its sex with someone you love.

Honey, there’s a spider in your bathroom the size of a Buick!

I can’t get with any religion that advertises in ‘Popular Mechanics.’

I did it. I killed ’em both (spiders). What’s the matter? What are you sad about? What did you want me to do? Capture ’em and rehabilitate them?

I don’t respond well to mellow.

I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.

I forgot my mantra

I heard that Commentary and Dissent had merged and formed Dysentery.

I really wanted to be an anarchist, but I didn’t know where to register.

I used to be a heroin addict. Now I’m a methadone addict.

I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final, you know. I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me. When I was thrown out, my mother, who was an emotionally high-strung woman, locked herself in the bathroom and took an overdose of Mah-Jongg tiles. I was depressed at that time. I was in analysis. I was suicidal as a matter of fact and would have killed myself, but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian, and, if you kill yourself, they make you pay for the sessions you miss.

I would not want to belong to any club that would have me for a member

I wouldnt want to be in any club that would have me as a member

I’m obsessed with – with death, I think. Big, big subject with me, yeah.

I’ve a very pessimistic view of life.

I’ve told you a thousand times to keep a lot of insect spray around. You never know who’s gonna crawl over.

If she comes over here, Max, my brain’s gonna turn into guacamole.

It’s ok I can walk to the curb from here


Listen, Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.

My grammy never gave gits she was too busy getting raped by Cosaks

Nixon was popular.

No. It’ll be great, it’ll be great. All those PhDs are in there like discussing modes of alienation and we’ll be in here quietly humping.

Out here, they don’t bury their trash. They turn it into television shows.

Quantity doesn’t imply quality.

Right, well I have to go now, Duane, because I’m due back on planet Earth.

Sex with you is a truly Kafkaesque experience – I mean that as a compliment.

Talk to him! You speak shellfish!

The Gestapo would take away your Bloomingdale’s charge card. You’d tell them everything.

They did not take me in the Army. I was, um, interestingly enough, I was, I was 4-P. Yes. In the event of war, I’m a hostage.

They did not take me in the Army. I was, um, interestingly enought, I was, I was 4-P. Yes. In the event of war, I’m a hostage.

They don’t throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

those who can’t do teach, those who can’t teach, teach gym.

Those who can’t do, teach. And those who can’t teach, teach gym.

We can walk to the curb from here.

Well, la-di-da.

When I was fourteen I knew I should carry around an emergency contraceptive. By the time I got around using it, it was dust.

Where did you grow up, in a Norman Rockwell painting?

Whose ‘Catcher in the Rye’ is this?

Why don’t you get William F Buckley to kill the spider?

Why don’t you take some sodium pentothal? Then you could sleep through the whole thing.

You know, and the miserable is everyone else. That’s-that’s all. So-so when you go through life you should be thankful that you’re miserable, because that’s … You’re very lucky … to be … to be miserable.

You were following me! 2: I was NOT following you, what, just because I’m walking a block behind you, staring at you….that’s following?

You’re always trying to get things to come out perfectly in art because it’s real different in life.

You, you like New York, Jewish, left-wing, liberal, intellectual, Central Park West, Brandeis University with the Socialist summer camps, and the father with the ben-shahn drawings, right, and the really, you know, strike-oriented…..

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