Movie Quotes from Zoolander: Quotes from the movie Zoolander

i think i’m getting the black lung pop, it not very well ventilated down there.

I’m Dougie…I’m Dougie!!!!!

Mugatu:I invented the piano key neck tie- i invented it. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE DERYCK? NOTHING!YOU’VE DONE NOTHING! NOTHING!

(1)Derek? Can you hear me Derek? (2)God? (1) God? What the shit are you talking about?

(1)I used to be …….boulimic (2)You can read minds?

(1)That’s why I became…bolimic (2)…You can read minds?

(1)We need someone stupid who can be moulded like Jello
(2)Or cookie dough

(1)You know what you need to help you sort through these important issues? (2)What? (1, 3, 4) ORANGE MOCHA CAPPUCINOS!!!

(After 1 day working in the mines) *cough cough* I thinks I gots the black lung pops.. *cough cough*

(After seeing the mermaid commercial with Derek) It’s not my fault I look better with gel in my hair that with a little helmet with a light on it.

(Cough cough) I think I’m getting the black lung, Pop.

(derek)who am I?(reflection)I dont know.(derek)I guess i have a lot of things to ponder. (hansel)the results are in amigo! whats left to ponder?!…nice comeback!

(Hansel runs into Derek)Hansel:Sorry Bra! Derek: Don’t call me your bra! I’m not your under garments!

(In a squeaky tone) Cough, cough. I think I’m coming down with the Black Lung, pop.

(maury)derik what do u do if u fall off a horse?(derik)WISPERINNG what do u do when u fall off a horse?????(maury)u get back on derik u get bak on!!!(derik)sorry maury ime not a gymnist.

(phone rings) Derek: God? Maury: What the shit are you talking about? It’s me Maury.

(the 100% accurate eath-to quotes)
Rufus: ughh, I can’t stand Hansel!

Meekus: I know, right? Riding in on that scooter like he’s so cool.

Rufus: And the way Hansel combs his hair…

Meekus: Or, like, DOESN’T. It’s like, ‘EX-SQUEEZE ME, but have you ever heard of styling gel’?

Brint: I’m sure Hansel’s heard of styling gel. He’s a male model.

Meekus: Earth to Brint. I was making a joke.

Brint: Earth to Meekus. Duh, okay? I knew that.

Meekus: Earth to Brint. I’m not so sure you did ’cause you were all, ‘I’m sure he’s heard of styling gel’ LIKE YOU DIDN’T KNOW IT WAS A JOKE, HAHA!

(voice over): One man, 5 syllables: De-Rek-Zoo-Lan-Der

(Weak coughing) I think I got the black lung, pa.

(zoolander pushes answering machine button) –YOU HAVE 12…….. hundred messages

*************i can derelick my own balls thank you!************

**from the special features on the dvd** Racism is silly and uncool, why does it matter what colour someones skin is, as long as their really really good looking?

*cell phone rings*
Maury:Hello, Derek are you hearing me?
Derek:GOD!?

*cough cough* I think I’m getting the black lung, pop.

*cough* *cough* I think I’m developing the black lung Pa.

*cough* *cough* Whos winning the match?

*cough*cough* I think i got the black lung

*high pitched girly cough**high pitched girly cough* i think i’m getting the black lung..

-but why male models
-…………………. you serios i just told you
-right

-But why male models?
-Are you serious?… I just told you, a moment ago
-right!

-So Derek are you worried about Hansel?
-Not as much as I’m worried about Gretel… hey put that in your article, i want people to know how funny i am.
-They’ll know, it hits newsstands tomorrow

….I mean have you every heard of styling gel?
Im sure hes heard of styling gel, hes a male model
earth to brint that was a joke
earth to meekus i knew that
earth to brint im not sure you did because you were all like ‘im sures hes heard of styling gel’ like you DIDN’T know it was a joke
earth to meekus i knew it was a joke i just didnt get it right away

…And that’s My Sherpa Laap-Sang…

…to see my only son turn into a mermaid…MERMAN!!

…tragic my friends had to die in a FREAK gasoline accident.

.you meen the files are IN the computer?
.Derek what do we do when we fall off the horse…we get back on the horse…im sorry but im not a gymnist
.we help people we make them feel good about themselves
.Who cares about Derek Zoolander anyway? The man has only one look for Christ’s sake!….ONE LOOK!
.Derek that was unbelievable…I know i turned left!…no u saved the prime minister!

1 – But why male models? 2 – Are… are you serious? I just told you. Five minutes ago.

1) …….After awhile, I became bulimic. 2) You could read minds?

1) But why male models? 2)Are you…are you serious? I just told you!

1) Derelicte, dereclicte my balls 2)i can derelicte my own balls

1) I became bulemic 2) you can read minds?

1) I became bulimic 2) You can read minds?

1) i was bulemic. 2) you can read minds?

1) I was bulemic. 2) You can Read Minds?!

1) Lee Harvey Oswald wasn’t a model 2) no but the two guys that capped him from the grassy knoll sure as shit were

1) oooooohh, the files are in the computer!! (breaks computer open)

1) When I was in 7th grade, I was the fat kid. 2)Eww!

1)Besides, male models don’t think for themselves. They just do what they’re told. 2)That’s not true! 1)Yes it is, Derek! 2)Okay.

1)Derek Zoolander? Are you threatened at all by Hansel? 2)Not as much as I’m threatened by GRETEL! Hey, lady, put that in your article. I want people to know how funny I am.

1)Derek! You did it! 2)I know! I turned left! 1)Yyyyeah that, and you saved the Prime Minister! 2)Huh? Oh yeah.

1)Derek? Derek! Are you there? 2)God? 1)God?! What the shit are you talking about? It’s me, Maury

1)God I can’t stand that Hansel! Like, the way he combs his hair? 2)Or like, doesn’t. 3)It’s like, ex-squeeze-me have you ever heard of styling gel?? 2)Duh, of course he’s heard of styling gel…he’s a male model. 3) Uh, earth to Brint I was making a joke! 2)Uh, earth to Meekus, duh, OK…i knew that! 3)Earth to Brint, I’m not so sure you did cause you were all like, ‘well i’m sure he’s heard of styling gel’ LIKE YOU DIDN’T KNOW IT WAS A JOKE!!

1)god i hate that hansel
2)yea and the way he brushes his hair
3)or like doesn’t! hahahahaha! i mean like come on hasn’t he ever heard of styling gel?
2)Earth to meekus, hes a male model, of course hes heard of styling gel
3)Earth to brent, it was a joke, ok?
2)Earth to meekus, i knew it was a joke
3)Earth to brent, im not so sure about that because you were all like hes a male model of course hes heard of styling gel LIKE YOU DIDN’T KNOW IT WAS A JOKE!hahahahahahaha
4)stop it guys, dont you ever think theres more to life then being really really really ridiculously good-looking? like helping people
1)what people
4)i dont know…..people who need help

1)I give you the Derek Zoolander Center For Kids Who Can’t Read Good. 2)What is this?! (throws it down) A center for ANTS?!! 1)What? 2)How can we expect to teach children to read if they can’t even fit inside the building?! We need to make it at least…3 times bigger than this!

1)So why do you hate models, Matilda? 2)The truth? I think they’re vain…stupid…and totally self centered. 3)I totally agree with you. But what do you think about MALE models?

1)So, I became… 2)What? 1)Bulimic. 3)You could read minds?!! (stares at him) 1)It’s when you throw up after every meal! 3)Hey, that’s no big deal, I mean I throw up before lots of meals. 2)Yeah, me too. It’s a great way to loose pounds before a show. 1)But you guys don’t get it. It’s a disease!

1)When I was in seventh grade…I was the fat kid in my class. 2)EW!

1)When I was in the 7th grade, I was the fat kid in class. After a while I became…bulimic. 2)You could read minds?!!

1)You can deri-lick my balls, capi-tan. 2)I can deri-lick my own balls

1)You know what would really help you sort out your problems? 2)What? 1,3,and4)Orange mocha frappachinos!

1)You’re more dead to me than your dead mother. Thank God she didn’t live to see her son as a mermaid! 2)MerMAN!

1)Your dead to me boy. Your more dead to me….than your dead mother. I just thank the Lord that she didn’t have to live to see you dressed as a mermaid. 2) Mer-man!!! MER-MAN!!

1-It’s Relax! 2-It’s okay! I’ve done this a millions times!

1. But why male models? 2. are you serious? i just told you

1. Don’t you know I get all farty and bloated from a foamy latte??!
2. M-My mistake, Jacobeim.
1. Your mistake, indeed!

1. I’m not an ambi-turner. I can’t turn left. It’s a problem I’ve had since I was a baby.
2. Derek, that’s nothing to be ashamed of. I’m sure there are lots of people who can’t … who can’t … I mean, there’s got to be SOME people out there, like you, who can’t turn … turn left.

1. What do you do when you fall off a horse?
Derek. *thinking*
1. You get back on it!
Derek. I’m sorry, I’m not a gymnist

1.)I think I got the black lung pop… 2.) Jesus Christ Derek, you’ve been down there for one god damn day.

1/i am very busy (1/ pokes 2/ in the butt with a pin) 2/ ouch 1/ i’m sorry did my pin ge in the way of your arse. Lose 5 pounds ameditally or get out of my building. GET OUT! I’m so tired

1: Age before beauty goatcheese 2: whatever

1: But why male models? 2: Are you kidding?.. I just told you that. 1: Right.

1: I can’t stand Hansel! 2: The Way he rides around on his scooter like he’s so cool. 1: And the Way he does his hair. 2: Or like doesnt… it’s like excuuse me but have you ever heard of styling gel. 3: I’m sure he’s heard of styling gel he’s a male model. 2: Earth to Brint.. I was making a joke. 3: Earth to Meekus I know okay. 2: Earth to Brint I’m not so sure you did.. cuz you were all like Well I’m sure he’s heard of styling gel like you did’nt know it was a joke. 3: Earth to Meekus I knew it was a joke I just didn’t get it at first. 2: Earth to Brint… 5: WOULD YOU GUYS JUST STOP IT ALREADY! Did you ever think there was more to life than being really really ridiculously good looking!

1: i say we all get naked
2: what?
1: ep ep ep just give into the tea…

1: Lee Harvey Oswald wasnt a male model 2:Your god damn right they weren’t, but those two lookers that capped kennedy from the grassy knoll sure as shit were!

3% Body Fat. 1% Brain Activity.

96% of the earth is water. The other half is wheat. Think about it. No you think about it!

HANSEL

>Ugh.. I cant stand hansel.
>I know right, riding in on that scooter like he’s so cool.
>and the way hansel comes his hair!
>or like doesnt…its like ex-squeeez me but have you ever heard of styling gel hahahah
>Im sure hansels heard of syling gel, hes a male model
>Uh. earth to brint i was making a joke
>earth to meekus, duh okay…i knew that
>earth to brint…im not so sure you did cuase you were all ‘well im sure hes heard of styling gel, like you didnt know it was a joke! ahah! ah?
>I knew it was a joke, i just didnt get it right away
>well earth to brint
>WOuld you guys stop it already.
did you ever think that maybe theres more to life then being really really rediculousy good looking, i mean…maybe we should be doing somthing more meaningful with our lives, like helping people.
>uh. derek, what people?
>I DONT KNOW! people who need help!
>Models help people, they make them feel good about themselves
>They also show them how to dress cool and wear their hair in interesting ways.
>I guess so.
>you know what could really help you sort through these importand issues?
>huh?
>>>ORANGE MOCHA FRAPPACINOS!!!!!!!!!!

a confused Derek: audi-whatey?

A eugoogaliser…..one who speaks at funerals.

a kitinka inka a bokana naa naa…

a kitinka inka a bokana naaa naa…

A male model’s life is precious. Just because we’re God’s most incredibly beautiful creations, we can still die in a freak gasoline fight accident

A model, idiot!

A model, Idiot?

A model..idiot?

A week! What are you having, a wack attack? I only saw you this afternoon dumb dumb.

A:Cool story, Hansel B:Thanks Olaf

Abe Lincoln wanted to abolish slavery, right?

age before beauty goatcheese

ahh SNAP!

And then I became bulimic.-you can read minds!?-no, its when you trow up after every meal.-hahaha Matil,i do that all the time,yea it’s a good way to lose a few pounds before a show

and then there’s ferrari and le tigre. le tigres more of a catalog look, i use it for footwear sometimes

answering machine:you have twelve hundred messages. Zoolander:Hmm thats a bit above average..

are you challanging me to a walkoff?

ARE YOU CHALLENGING ME TO A WALK-OFF…BOOO-LANDER

Are you having a whack attack?

Are you not aware that I get farty and bloated with a foamy latte?

Aren’t you aware that I get farty and bloated with a foamy late?!

aren’t you aware that I get farty and bloated with a foamy latte?!!

as a caterpillar becomes a butterfly, you must become, DERELICTE!

At the show, they’ll be looking for us. But, they won’t be looking for.. not us.

“I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!”

be still im working here, im working OOWWWWW im sorry did my pin get in the way of ur ass. do me a favor and lose 10 pounds immediatly or get out of my building right now…. now I’M SO TIRED no todd not now

be still im working here, im working OOWWWWW im sorry did my pin get in the way of ur ass. do me a favor and lose 5 pounds immediatly or get out of my building like now…. now I’M SO TIRED no todd not now

Billy Zane: When are you going to unleash Magnum on us?
Derrick: Gotta tame the beast before you let it out of the cage.
(Zane looks puzzled.)

Black lung

Blue Steel? Ferrari? Le tigre? they’re all the same look. I feel like I’m taking crazy pills. I invented the piano key neck tie .. what have you Derek? nothing. NOTHING!

Brint, Meekus, and Rufus were like brothers to me. And by brother I don’t mean actual brother but I mean it in the way black people use it, which is more meaningful I think. If there’s anything that this tragedy can teach us is that a male’s life is a precious precious commodity. And even though we have chiseled abs and stunning features, doesn’t mean we too can’t not die in a freak gasoline fight accident. So I’d like to take this opportunity and announce, my ret… (hansel…) excuse me, I would like to retire from the male modeling profession. (what?) I’m pretty sure theres more to life than being really really rediculously good looking, and I just want to find out what that is.

But I never go anywhere with out my tiny cell phone!

but if I were you and you were me wouldn’t I still be me?

But now the forbidden fruit must be tasted

But now the forbidden fruit must be tasted.

But this is Mugatu, Derek. Right now this guy is so hot he can take a crap, wrap it in tinfoil, put a couple of fishhooks on it and sell it to Queen Elizabeth as earrings.

but why make models?

but why male models
…. you serious i just togd u
right

But why male models?

But why male models??

but, why male models?

But, why male models?

C’mon, give me a little pee-pee. – Maury Ballstein

Call me.

Can I call you Matil?

Can Nobody Else See It, Am I on Crazy Pills!!

Check your message machine! message: you have 4… thousand messages. derek: hmm thats a bit more then usual

Chess would have to be one of my favorite games…*Derek moves pieces around a lot and slams his hand on the timer* TOUCHDOWN!! If i was a chess piece i think that i would be the cow.

Concentrate, Derilicte…Don’t be distracted by the beautiful celeberties…do what you were trained to do…AND KILL THE MALYAIAN PRIME MINISTER!!!

Congradulashons Derek – 4 yeers in a row!

Cool story Hansel

Cool story Hansel!

Cool story Hansel. Thanks Olof

cough, cough. Pops, I think I’ve got the black lung

Craig Pearce has no pants!!!

Dad: I’m too ashamed of my son that’s become a mermaid. Zoolander: Merman! *cough cough* Merman!

Dammit Derek – I’m a coalminer, not a professional film and television actor (Jon Voight as Pops Zoolander)

Damn it Derek, I am a coal miner, not a professional Film and Television actor.

Dereck:sooo…why male modelin?
hand model:r u serious i just told u that a moment ago…
Dereck: right

Derek (I wanted to make you proud of my pop.)
(How? By dressin up in tights with ya weinna hang’n out?)

derek – have u cum 2 tell me wot a bad ugoogaliser i am? matilda – …? derek – dont tell me u dont no wot a ugoogaly is

Derek – Thank you Mr. Prime Rib Of Propecia

DEREK I’D LIKE YOU TO MEET KATINKA INGA BAGOVINA NAAAAAH NAAAAAH

Derek I’d like you to meet Katinka Ingabagovana Nah Nah…shell be your day to day on the derelicte campaign

Derek Zoolander, a model. idiot!

Derek Zoolander… A model, idiot. (Zoolander looks puzzled)

Derek Zoolander: Well, I guess it started during my first year of the second grade, when I was eating lunch and caught my reflection in a spoon, and I thought to myself, ‘Hey, Derek, you’re ridiculously good looking! And I thought maybe I could do that for a career.
Matilda: Do what for a career?
Derek Zoolander: Be professionally good looking.

Derek Zoolander:You think your to cool for school, well I have a newsflash for you walter cronkite, you arn’t.

Derek’s Dad: You’re dead to me, boy. You’re more dead to me than your dead mother.

Derek’s Father: You’re more dead to me boy than your dead mother…I thank god she died before she saw her son a mermaid….Derek: MERMAN…MERMAN!?!

Derek’s Father: You’re more dead to me than your dead mother. Thank God she didn’t live to see her son as a mermaid!
Derrek: mer-man! *high pitched cough* mer-man!

Derek, I’d like you to meet Katinka Inga Bagovanana… na

Derek, I’d like you to meet, Katinka Inga Bogova Naaa Naaa.

Derek, I’d like you to meet…Katinka Ingabogovininaahnaah!

Derek, I’m not sure if you’re familiar with the belief that some aboriginal tribes hold. It’s the concept that a photo might steal a part of your soul. What are your thoughts on that as someone who gets their picture taken for a living?
Well I guess I’m going to have to answer your question with another question. How many abidiginals do you see modeling?

Derek- Earth to Matilda..its not like were actually in a control tower trying to reach outer space aliens or something.. Matil-oh I know that Derek- I dont think you do Hansel- hello…hello! (haha)

Derek- I thought you were here to me how bad a eugoogalizer I was. Matilda- A what? Derek- A eugoogalizer: One who speaks at funerals. Or did you think I was too stupid to know what a eugoogaly was.

Derek- Well at first I was a little hesitant cuz I’ve been around for a while…
Mugatu- (nodding) You’ve been around for ages and ages, you’ve been around for a long long time and I never wanted anything from you and now you’re retired and I cant have you and it’s funny how things switch like that! But now the forbidden fruit must be tasted….

Derek- Who am I? (phone rings) Maury-Hello Derek, are you hearing me?
Derek- God?

Derek- You can’t just barge into peoples lofts wanting sex then changing your mind then tell them they’ve been at a day spa for a week! Matilda- but you have been at a day spa for a week! Derek- so what…..

Derek-Their was a moment last night, when she was sandwiched between the two finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesmen, when i thought: i could really spend the rest of my life with this woman.

Derek: I’m going to do something meaningful with my life, like help people
Brint: Ughhh Derek what people?
Derek: I don’t know. People who need help!

Derek: (looking up at stars) ‘Who am i?’ (phone rings, it’s maury) Maury: Hello? Derek are you hearing me? Derek: GOD?! Maury: GOD?!?! what the shit are you talking about it’s me, maury. i hope you’re done touching your roots cuz mugatu is making you an offer you won’t believe! You gotta get your tookers back here.

Derek: *cough* I think Im developing the black lung father. Its not very well ventilated down there.

Derek: all I wanted to do was make you proud popps! Derek’s father:With what your male modeling!?, Prancin’ around in your underwear with your wiener hangin out for everyone to see?!.
You’re dead to me boy, you’re more dead to me than your dead mother, i just thank god she didnt live to see her son as a mermaid…….Derek: (coughs) MER MAN….. MER MAN!!! Scene.

Derek: Brint Brint: huh Derek: No!

Derek: But why male models?
Hand-Model: Because male models do what their told.
Derek: That is not true!
Hand-Model: Yes it is Derek.
Derek: Ok.
~1 minute later~
Derek: But why male models?
Hand-Model: Are you…are you serious? I just told you that, like a second ago.

Derek: But why male models?
Moldel: Think about it Derek, male models dont think for themselves. They do whatever they are told.
Derek: No we don’t
model: Yes you do Derek
Derek: okay. But why male modles?

Derek: but why male models?!
Random Hand Model in Grave yard: Are you serious…?..i just told you that a moment ago..

Derek: Cough, cough, i think i got the black lung Pop. Derek’s Dad: You’ve been down there ONE DAY! Talk to me after thirty years!

Derek: Do you understand that the world does not revolve around you and your do whatever it takes, ruin as many peoples lives, so long as you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose, or people you leave dead and bloodied along the way, just so long as you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose, or people you leave dead and bloodied and dying along the way.

Derek: Earth to Matil It’s not like were in a control tower trying to reach outerspace aliens or something.
Hansel:(Alien Voice) Hello Hello

Derek: Hello?
Person on Phone: Derek!
Derek: God?
Person on Phone: What the shit are you talkin about! It’s me, Maury!

Derek: I dont do everything anyone tells me! Hand model: Yes you do. Derek: Ok.

Derek: I have a vision.
Mugatu: And so do I, let me show you mine.
Let me show you the future of fashion.
Let me show you Derelict!
It is a fashion
a way of life inspired by the very homeless, the vagrants, the crackwhores that make this wonderful city so unique.
And I want you, Derek, to be the face, the image, nay, the spirit.. of Derelict!

Derek: Its not like we think we’re the Earth calling you! Hansel : Hello….Hello..

Derek: seriously, do you like service yourself ten times a day?

Derek: Sorry you didnt make the cut for mugatu’s derekleiks campaign Hansail: Well you can Dereklickmaballs caption

Derek: There was a moment last night, when she was sandwiched in between the two Finnish dwarfs and the Maori tribesman. Hansel: Oh yeah. Derek: Where I thought, ‘Wow, I could spend the rest of my life with this woman’.

Derek: They’ll be looking for us but they won’t be looking for…NOT US

Derek: Turn off my phone? Turn off my phone Matilda??

Derek: Well, to tell you the truth I was a little hesitant at first Mr.Mugatu. I mean, I’ve been around for…
Mugatu:…ages and ages, you’ve been around for a long time, and I never wanted anything from you and now you’re retired and I can’t have you and it’s funny how it switches like that. But now the forbidden fruit must be tasted.
(Submitted by Kellan Webb)

Derek: What do you say we settle this on the runway.. Han-solo

Derek: What is this a center for ants? How can we be expected to teach children how to learn to read if they can’t even fit inside the building?
Mugatu: Derek, no it’s just a small….
Derek: No i don’t want to hear excuses. The center has to be at least three times bigger than this.
Mugatu: HE’s absolutly right.
Derek: Thank you, i have a vision.
Mugatu: and so do i, let me show u mine.

DEREK: what is this a centre for ants!! how are the children expected to read if they cant even fit inside the building! . . it has to be at least. . . . 3 times bigger than this… MUGATU: hes absolutely right

Derek: What is this!?!? A center for ants? How can we be expected to teach children to read if they can’t even fit indside the building? The center has to be atleast 3 times bigger than this!
Mugatu: He’s absolutely right.
Derek: I have a vision
Mugatu: As do I. Let me show you mine.

Derek: what is this? a center for ants!? how do you expect to teach kids how to read good, if they cant even fit inside the building?! this building needs to be…at LEAST 3 times bigger.

Derek: yeah, why do you hate male models, Matilda?
Matilda: Well, I think they’re vain, stupid, and totally self-centered.
Hansel: I completely agree with you. But why do you hate male models?
Derek: oh! snap!

Derek: Yes, by why male models? … David: .. r u serious? I just explained that a moment ago.

Derek: You think you’re too cool for school but I got a newsflash for you, Walter Cronkite. You aren’t.

Hansel: Who you trying to get crazy with, ese? Don’t you know I’m loco?

Derek: Hey I got a wacky idea. What say we settle this on the runway, Hand Solo?

Hansel does some jedi karate moves with his hands, adding the sound effects himself.

Derek (whispers): Stop it.

Hansel: Are you challenging me to a walk off, BOO Lander?

Billy Zane: Don’t do this, Derek.

Hansel: Listen to your friend Billy Zane, he’s a cool dude. He’s trying to help you out.

Derek: Oh yeah, that’s a walk off challenge my friend.

Hansel busts out the scooter.

Hansel: Ten minutes, old Member’s Only warehouse. You ought to remember that, you’re a dinosaur.

Come on, let’s go. Open up.

Zane: I’ve heard some bad stories about this guy, man, he’s limber. Too Limber.

Derek: Put a cork in it, Zane.

Derek:(tiny coughs) I think I got the black lung pop.

derek:Look i’m really complimented, but not interested..matilda: what?
derek: i can’t sleep with you

Derek:One look…One LOOK??!!
Colored guy: MAGNUM!!
Mugatu: It’s beautiful!

Do it Hansol!

Do me a favour and lose five pounds immediately or get out of my building LIKE NOW!!

do you understand that the world does not revolve around you and your do whatever it takes ruin as many peoples lives so long as you can make a name for yourself as an investicatory journalist no matter how many friends you loose or people you leave dead and bloody along the way just so long as you can make a name for yourself as an investicatory journalist no matter how many friends you loose or people you leave dead and bloody and dying along the way?!?!

Do you understand that the world does not revolve around you and your do whatever it takes, ruin as many people’s lives, so long as you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied along the way, just so long so you can make a name for yourself as an investi-gatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied and dying along the way…

Do you understand that the world does not revolve around you and your do whatever it takes, ruin as many people’s lives, so long as you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied along the way, just so long so you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied and dying along the way?

Do you understand that the world does not revolve around you and your do whatever it takes, ruin as many people’s lives, so long as you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied along the way, just so long so you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied and dying along the way?

Do you understand that the world does not revolve around you and your do whatever it takes, ruin as many peoples lives, just so long as you can make a name for yourself as an inverstigatory journalsit, no matter how many friends you lose, or people you leave dead and bloodied along the way, just so long as you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave deadied and bloodied and dying along the way?

Dont you know i get all farty and bloated with a foamy latte?

Earth to Matilda…
Helllewww! Hellllewww!

earth to meekus, duh, yeah, okay, I KNEW THAT!

Enough already Ballstein, who cares about Derek Zoolander anyway? He’s only got one look for Chrsit’s sake: Blue Steel, Latigra, Ferrari…they’re the same thing! I feel like I’m taking Crazy Pills!

Enough! now we’re just making up words!

Even though the homeless are poor and smelly and live in boxes, their clothing and accessories are still really cool

Ever since the first time in second grade while eating my cereal i caught my reflecition in my spoon and i said you are redicuoulsy good looking mabey you can get paid for it … paid for what being redicoulusy good looking of cource

excuse me bra…

Farrari, La Tigra, Blue Steel… They’re the same look. Does anyone else notices this? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!!
-Mugatu from Zoolander

For a second there i thought somebody would be reading our ugoogolies

For a second there I thought someone was going to be reading out eugugoly!

For ages and ages i never wanted anything from you, now that your retired i cant have you, its funny how it changes like that, but now the forbiden fruit must be tasted.

For christ’s sake, it’s a caserole Shella, it will stay!

for christs sake sheila! its a cassarole it’ll stay!!!!!!

For God Sakes Sheila, It’s a casserole, it’ll keep!!!

For Serious!

get the quotes right guys

Glad you could join us K-Mart.

God!? What the shit are talkin about it’s me, Maury.

God, is that you?

GOD?

god? its maury

Good, because i have no time for shanagans…No time

Good, because I’m a hot little potato right now

Good, do it! For i have no time for shenanagins, no time! (FROM THE DELETED SCENESE)

Haaappy, Haaappy, Haaappy, Haaahaaahaaahaaa…Hi there Derek, I’m little Cletus. I’m just an ordinary girl who wants to talk to you about the age old tradition of child labor laws ok? you see, back in the good old days kids as young as 5 could work as the pleased in textile mills and coal mines yippeee hooray!!!

HAAYY MAURICE!!

Han-sell-out is about to get his Han-sell-ass handed to him on a platter. With french-friend potatoes.

Han-stupid…..SNAP

Hanse- hello … hello ( calling out to the freaks out of earth

Hanse- hello … hello ( calling out to the freaks out of earth )

Hansel he’s so hot right now

hansel hes so hot right now hansel

hansel hes so hot right now hansel.

Hansel to matilda: How about a thank you for the freak-fest last night?

Hansel! So Hot Right Now! Hansel!

Hansel, he’s so hot right now! you know Todd.

Hansel, he’s so hot right now!!!

Hansel, he’s so hot right now, Hansel

hansel, so hot right now, hansel

Hansel,so hot right now, Hansel.

hansel- Hey u guys derek and matilda are gonna be crashing here for a while cuz he was brainwashed to kill the president of micronesia- matilda- malaysia- hansel- right

Hansel- Where’d all the files go?

Hansel. He’s so hot right now. Hansel.

Hansel….so hot right now

hansel..hes so hot right now

hansel..hes so hott right now he could take a dump, rap it in tin foil, put a couple of fish hooks on it and sell it to queen elizabeth as earings.

Hansel..SO HOT right now

hansel: hello…hello
derek: snap!

Hansel: All right. Who is going to call this sucker? David Bowie: If nobody has any objections, I believe I might be of service. Now this be a straight walk off, old school rules. First model walks, the second model duplicates and then elaborates. Ok boys, lets go to work.

Hansel: Are you challenging me to a walk-off, Boo-lander?

Hansel: But seriously, Matil- Can I call you Matil? … What the dilio, yo.

Hansel: Derek and Matilda are in hiding cause some dudes brainwashed Derek to ‘off’ the prime minister of Micronesia..

Hansel: Derelick ma balls
Derick: Well Hansel, as in Hansel and Gretel, I can derelick ma own balls

Hansel: Do I no what product im modeling – no? Do i know what I’m doing today? No! But i give it my all!

Hansel: earth to matil!
Matilda: stop with all the earth to’s, okay?
Derek: We’re not saying as if the earth is actually calling you, as if space aliens are in contact with us!
Hansel: HELLO! HELLO!

Hansel: Excuse me bra Zoolander: you excused, im not you BRA

hansel: excuse me bra. zoolander: your excused….. and another thing,hansel, im not your bra.

Hansel: Excuse me brah
Dere: You’re excused, and im not you brah!

Hansel: Excuse me brah
Derek: You’re excused, and im not you brah!

Hansel: Excuse me brah…….
Derek: You’re excused, and im not you brah!

Hansel: Excuse me, bra
Derek: Your excused. And I’m not your bra

hansel: excuse my bra. zoolander: your excused….. and another thing,hansel, im not your bra.

Hansel: Growing up I wasn’t like every other kid, you know, who dreams about being an astronaut. I was always more ineterested in what bark was made out of on a tree.

Hansel: He tried to brainwash Derek to kill the Claymation dude!

Hansel: I can’t see a thing out there…you gotta cut me.

Hansel: I felt like, this guy’s really hurting me. And it hurt.

Hansel: I guess you can dere-lick my balls cap-E-tan.
Derek: I can Dere-lick my own balls, thank you very much.

Hansel: i was on top of Mount Vizuvious. And i tripped and i was falling dude. I’ll never forget the terror. Hot bread Zeke! But then i thought, Hansel, haven’t u been smoking peyote for seven straight days, and couldn’t some of this be in ur head?
Derek: And?
Hansel: It was. I was totally fine. I’ve never even been to Mount Vizuvious.
Olaf: Cool story Hansel.
Hansel: Thanks Olaf.

Hansel: It’s in … the computer?

Hansel: Listen to your boy Billy Zane, he’s a cool dude.

Hansel: Me and my friends have been to busy bathing off of the soutern coast of St. Bard’s with spider monkeys for the past two weeks. Trippin’ on acid changed our whole perspective on shit.

Hansel: Poppin’ & lockin’ foo!

Hansel: So I was repelling down Mt. Versuvius, when sudenly, I slipped, and I started to fall, I mean I’m about to die. Arrghhh argghh, (waving hands) I’ll never forget the terror, but suddendly I said to myself, holh sh*t, Hansel, haven’t you been smoking Paote for six straight days, and couldn’t some of this maybe be in your mind?
Derek: And?
Hansel: It was! I was totally fine, I’ve never even been to Mt. Versuvius!
Finnish Dwarf: Cool story Hansel!
Hansel: Thanks Olaf.

Hansel: Sting would be another person who’s a hero. The music he’s created over the years, I don’t really listen to it, but the fact that he’s making it, I respect that. I care desperately about what I do.

Hansel: Sting…Sting would be another person who’s a hero. The music that he’s made over the years, I don’t really listen to, but I respect the fact that he’s making it.

Hansel: That’s Bullshit. Listen up everyone… Mugatu’s a dick!

Hansel: Thats just the way I live my life. I grip it and I rip it.

Hansel: The results are in Amigo! What’s left to ponder? Derek: uh- Hansel: Nice comeback!

Hansel: There results are in amigo! whats left to ponder!? (derek thinks) Nice comeback!

Hansel: well u can dere lick my balls! Zoolander: I can derelick my own balls thankyou very much!

Hansel: Well, you can dere-lick my balls
Derek: I can dere-lick my own balls thank you very much

Hansel: Listen to your friend Billy Zane. He’s a cool dude

Hansel: Why don’t you dere-lict my balls?!
Derek: No thanks, I can dere-lict my own balls!

Hansel: Yo! Mugatu’s a dick!

Hansel: You can DERELICTE my balls.
Derek: I can DERELICTE my own balls.

Hansel:I always wondered what bark was made out of on a tree.

Hansel; I was falling off this mountain and said , wait a minute Hansel, didn’t you just smoke payote?

happy happy hahaha

HAPPY… HAPPY… Ah hahahaha…

Happy… Happy… Ha Ha Haha Ha

HAPPY…happy….HAPPY

He ain’t heavy…he’s my brother.

hello derek, im little cletis, im here to tell you the truth about child labor laws, they’re silly and out-dated, back in the good ‘ol days kids as young as 5 could work as they pleased from textile factories to steel mills, but nowadays, the age-old right of kids to work is under attack, from india to the phillipines, and south america too. But you can help these children derek…BY KILLING THE MALAYSIAN PRIME MINISTER!!!!!!!! Malaysian Prime Minister- bad, Karate- good, Malaysian Prime Minister-Bad!!!!!!!

Hello Derrick! Welcome to your relaxation time! Let this classic 80’s hit sooooth you just like nice warm happy time…Happy!, happy, Happy! hahahaha Nothing to worry about at all, just relax! (turns to a little girl) Hey there Derrick! I’m little Clenis! I’m just here to teach you the truth about child labor laws ok? They’re silly and outdated! In the good old days, kids as young as 5 could work anywhere from textile factories to iron spills! yippee HOoray! But now the age for children being able to work is under attack…from China, Bangledash, India, to South American too! Boo hoo! but you can help these children Derrick…by KILLING THE PRIME MINISTER OF MALAYSIA! You will learn martial arts! Kapow! Prime minister…bad Matial Arts…good! Kill the prime man, kill the prime man..OBEY MY DOG! You have one other objective Derrick. Do not be distracted by the BEAUTIFUL celebrites in the crowd, just do as you’ve been told and KILL THE MALAYSIAN PRIME MINISTER! KAPOW! In your little blue suit and your spikey black hair, your a super hot ninja!

Hello loser its so funny emphisis on the word funny hw he only has one facial its the whole point and its like THEEE funniest movie in the world

Hey Derek, you rule.
Thanks Paris, I appreciate that

Hey Maurice…!!

HEY MUGATU! SCREW YOU AND YOUR LITTLE DOG TOO!!!

Hey there boys and girls im little cletis. im here to tell you about child labor laws and how they are silly and outdated. along time ago children use to be able to go to work yipeee fun :) but the mean old prime minister of malasyia put a stop to that ..boohoo wahhh. youll learn marshall arts ..prime minister baadd, marshall arts good. obey my dog.

Hey there Derek! My name’s Lil Kleatus! I’m here to tell you about Child Labor Laws. They’re silly and OUTDATED!

Hey!Listen up everybody, Mugatu’s a dick!!

Hey, guys this is derek and matilda. They are gonna be hiding out here for a rew days coz someone is trying to make derek kill the prime minister of micronesia

hi derek i’m little clitis and i’m here to tell you about child labor laws. They’re silly and outdated!

Hi Derek! I’m Little Cletus ! I’m here to tell you all about child labour laws…they’re silly and out dated!

Hi Derek, my name’s Little Cleetus, and I’m here to tell you the truth about child labor laws. They’re silly and outdated. In the good old days, kids as young as five could work as they please,YIPEE! HURRAY!

Hi Derek. My name is little Cletus and I’m just a regular kid here to tell you the truth about child labor laws. They’re SILLY and OUTDATED! In the olden days children could work as they pleased in textile factories and even iron smelts. YIPPIE! HOORAY!

hi im zoolander!! aint that just googly!!!

Hi! I’m lil Kleatus! I’m just a regular kid…

Hi! My name is little Cleatus!!

holy fuck, everyone in here needs to see Zoolander a few more times
every line in here is wrong

Hot bread Zeek!

How are they supposed to learn anything if they can’t even get in the building? It needs to be at least three times this size!

How can the children learn how to read if they can’t even fit inside the building?!

How can the children learn to read, when they can’t even fit inside the building! *smack*

how the fuck are ya

I am hot.
I am sexy.
I am super-sexy.
I am plain…. testing!

i am really really dirty…. i am… DERELICTÈ

I can Derelick my own balls, thank you!

I can derelict my own balls thank you very much.

I can’t yet, you have to tame the tiger before you can let it out of it’s cage

i cant sleep with you my head is killing me

I care desperately about what I do. Do I know what product I am selling? No. Do I know what I am doing today? No. But I am here and I am going to give it my best shot.

i didn’t mean we are actually trying to contact aliens from outta space,mat: yeah i got that DZ:i don’t think you do matilda

I dig the bungie

I dig the bungy. For me its just the way I live my life, I grip it and rip it.

I do not like snoopy reporter with lack of fashion sense!

I do not like snoopy reporter with lack of fashion sense.

I do not like snoopy reporter with lack of fashion sense. Not one little bit.

i do not like snoopy reporter with lack of fashion sense. not one bit.

I don’t know, he’s talking about teaching underprivileged retards or some shit like that!

I even sent him some pet oxen, they love that kind of crap in Malaysia.

I farted and I can Derlieck my own balls!

I feel like I have taken CRAZY PILLS!

I feel like I’m on crazy pills!

I feel like I’m taking CRAZY PILLS!!!

I FEEL LIKE IM TAKING CRAZY PILLS

I FEEL LIKE IM TAKING CRAZY PILLS!

I feel like it really hurt my feelings when you told me to deralick my balls.

I give you, The Derek Zoolander Center for children who can’t read good, and who wanna do other stuff good too. Derek: What is this? A center for ants? HOw can we expect the children to learn how to read, if they can’t even fit inside the building? It has to be atleast :::thinking:::3times bigger! Mugatu: He’s right!

I gotta tame the tiger before I let it out of the cage

i guess you can derelick my ball capitan

I have thirty years of files here to bring you down…..Where’d all the files go?

I have to go pee right now but I would really like to finish talking about our conversation when I get back.

I have to pee but i hope we can continue talking about this conversation when i get back

I haven’t had sex in 8 years….Zoolander: HOW DO U LIVE???

I invented the piano key neck tie!

I invented the piano key neck tie! I INVENTED IT! What have you done Derek? Nothing! NOTHING!

I invented the piano key neck tie, what did u invent?! NOTHING!!!!!!!!

I invented the piano key neck-tie!

I invented the Piano Key necktie! I invented it! What did you do Derek? Nothing! You did NOTHING!!!! NOTHING!!!!

I invented the Piano key necktie!!!

I invented the piano key necktie!!!!

I invented the piano key necktie, WHAT have YOU DONE? Nothing……NOTHING!!!

i invented the piano key necktie.. what have you done? youve got nothing!!!…. NOTHING!!!

I invented the piano-key necktie! What have you done? Nothing…NOTHING

I just spent a week in St.Bart’s..playing with spider monkeys, trippin’ off acid. Changed my whole perspective on shit.

I know what you need. ORANGE MOCHA FRAPPACINO!

I love aaliyah, don’t you, derek zoolander?

I love penis

I mean the way hansel styles his hair…or like doesn’t im like exsqueez me but have you ever heard of styling gel…im sure he’s heard of styling gel he’s a male model…uh earth to brent i was making a joke…uh earth to mincus duh ok i knew that…uh earth to brent im not so sure you did cause you were all well im sure he’s heard of styling gel like you didnt know it was a joke hahaha ha…i knew it was a joke mincus i just didn’t get it right away…earth to brent-… would you two stop it already i mean maybe theres somthing more meaningful to life than being realy really rediculiously good looking like helping people..uhh derek what people…I dont know people who need help…yeah models help people they make them feel good about themselves…they also show them how to dress cool and wear their hair in interesting ways…derek you know what would help you sort through these really important issues..what?…ORANGE MOCHA FRAPACHINOS!!!

I mean, she’s at least two feet shorter and 35 pounds heavier than any woman I’ve ever been with but… there’s something about her that just, it gives me an erect…

i present u with……. the derek zoolander center for kids who cannt read good and want to learn to do other stuff good to!-wat is this a center for ants, how r kids supposed to learn to read if they cannt even fit inside the building

I Suggest you and your kmart Jacket stay away for derek Zoolander!

i thin i have the black lung pop (cough) (cough)

I think I got the black lung pop

i think i got the black lung, pop.
who’s winning the match?

I think I have the black lung, pop!

I think I’m coming down with the black lung pop.

I think I’m getting the black lung pop, those mines aren’t very well ventilated.

I think I’ve got the black lung, Pop

I think I’ve got the black-lung, Pop.

I think that i’m getting the black lung Pop, It’s not very well ventilated down there.

I think the calendar really shows my versatility

I thought someone would be reading our eugoogly.

I turned left!

I want to build a school for kids who can’t read good.

I was always the type of kid that would wonder what bark was made out of on a tree.

I was at the Day spa. D-A-I-Y-E.

I wasn’t like every other kid that dreams about being an astronaut, I was always more interested in, uh, in what bark was made out of on a tree.

I wasn’t like every other kid, ya know, who dreams about being an astronaut. I was always more interested in, uh, what bark was made of on a tree.

I wasn’t like every other kid, you know, who dreams about being an astronaut, I was always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree. Richard Gere’s a real hero of mine. Sting. Sting would be another person who’s a hero. The music he’s created over the years, I don’t really listen to it, but the fact that he’s making it, I respect that. I care desperately about what I do. Do I know what I’m doing today? No. Do I know what I’m doing tomorrow? No. But I’m here, and I’m gonna give it my best shot.

I wasn’t like every other kid, you know, who dreams about being an astronaut, I was always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree. Richard Gere’s a real hero of mine. Sting. Sting would be another person who’s a hero. The music he’s created over the years, I don’t really listen to it, but the fact that he’s making it, I respect that. I care desperately about what I do. Do I know what product I’m selling? No. Do I know what I’m doing today? No. But I’m here, and I’m gonna give it my best shot.

I wasn’t like every other kid, you know, who dreams about being an astronaut, I was always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree. Richard Gere’s a real hero of mine. Sting. Sting would be another person who’s a hero. The music he’s created over the years, I don’t really listen to it, but the fact that he’s making it, I respect that. I care desperately about what I do. Do I know what product I’m selling? No. Do I know what I’m doing today? No. But I’m here, and I’m gonna give it my best shot.

I wasn’t like most other kids, you know, who dream about being an austronaut. I was always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree. Richard Gere’s a real hero of mine. Sting. Sting would be another person who’s a hero. The music he’s created over the years, I don’t really listen to it, but the fact that he’s making it- i respect that. I care desperately about what I do. Do I know what product I’m selling? No. Do I know what I’m doind today? No. But I’m here, and I’m gonna give it my best shot.

i wish a popcicle for every time i had a penny brad m.

I’d like you to meet Katinka, Ingabogovininana.

I’m a hot little potato right now!

I’m a MerMan!!!!!

I’m an actor/model…but not the other way around

I’m fiery hot with….ANGER!!!!-Mugatu

I’m just a regular kid! hahahahahahaha

I’m just glad to see she didn’t live to see her son as a mermaid! ZOOLANDER: merman! Merman!

I’m not an ambiturner!

I’m not your Bra!

i’m sorry my hair looks better done up with gel and mousse than it does stuck under some stupid hat with a light on it!!!

i’m sorry, did my pin get in the way of your ass?

I’m sorry, I was whack.

I’m sorry. Did my pin get in the way of your ass?

I’m sorry. Did my pen get in the way of your ass! Do me a favor and lose five pounds immediately or get out of my building now!

i’m sure there are lots of people who cant…..turn left

I’m sure there’s more to life than being really, really good looking. And I plan to find out what that is…

i’ve got some cantelope halves

I’ve got the black lung pop. AHEM AHEM

I’m hot, I’m sexy, I’m naughty, I’m coy, I’m scared, I’m an asteroid hurtling to the center of the earth about to blow you up Rikkeminator! hvornår?
12-01-2004 17:05:10 I’m hot, I’m sexy, I’m naughty, I’m coy, I’m scared, I’m an asteroid hurtling to the center of the earth about to blow you up (DVD ekstra material)

I’m pretty sure there’s more to life than just being really, really good looking, and I plan on finding out what that is.

I’m thinking, I’m hot, I’m sexy, I’m naughty, I’m coy, I’m scared, I’m an asteroid hurtling to the center of the earth about to blow up, big time!!!

If I have a day off I’ll spend four to nine hours in front of the mirror, trying just a tilt of the head or a furrow of my eyelash. I mean my body, my face are my tools.

If there’s anything that this horrible tragedy can teach us, it’s that a male model’s life is a precious, precious commodity. Just because we have chiselled abs and stunning features, it doesn’t mean that we, too, can’t not die in a freak gasoline fight accident.

Im a hand model mama, a finger jockey. we’re different from the face and body boys. we’re a different breed.

Im a hot little potato right now

im not an ambi-turner, i can’t turn left

Im schvitzen like a shmedrik!!

im sorry that i was born with this perfect bone structure that my hair looks better done up with gel than hidden under a stewpid hat with a light on it… all i ever wanted was to make you proud pop

Inka Katinka Bagovanananaaa

Isn’t there more to life than being really really really really really really good looking?

it has to be at least 30 TIMES bigger

it has to be at least three times bigger than this

it has to be atleast three times bigger than this

it was for the first time in the second grade, when i looked into my silver spoon and realised….im really, really, really ridiculiously good looking

It’s a casserole sheila, it’ll stay!

It’s a casserole, SHEILA!

It’s a walk off everyone! . . . It’s a walk off.

It’s a walk-off! It’s a walk-off.

It’s a walk-off!!

It’s called a DAY SPA! D-A-I-Y-E. day!

It’s in the computer.

It’s mer-man, father! MerMAN!

It’s that damn Hansel! He’s so hot right now! They’re break dance fighting.

It’s that damn Hansel! He’s SO hott right now!

It’s the Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can’t Read Good and For Other Good Things Too.

its a casrole shiela itll stay

ITS A CASSEROLE SHEILA!!!!!!

Its a merMAN father, a merMAn!!!

its a walk off

Its not like were actually up in a control tower trying to contact outer space aliens or anything. Hello!! Hellloo!!

its that damn hansel…hes so hot right now

J.P. Prewitt: I’m a hand model, mama. A finger jockey. We think differently than the face and body boys… we’re a different breed.

Snops

J.P. Prewitt: The truth is male models have been assassinating world leaders for over 200 years. Abe Lincoln wanted to abolish slavery, right? Well, who do you think made the silk stockings and powdered wigs worn by our early leaders?
Derek Zoolander: Mugatu!
J.P. Prewitt: Slaves Derek.

Just because we have chiseled abs and stunning features doesn’t mean we to can’t not die and a horrible gasoline fight accident!

just because we have chiseled abs and stunning features doesn’t mean we too can’t not die in a freak gas-fight accident.

Just because we have chizzled abs and stunning features doesnt mean we too cant not die in a freak gasoline fight accident!

Just because we’re really really really really good looking doesn’t mean we can’t die in some freak gas fight accident.

Just because youre really really ridiculously goodlooking doesnt mean that you cant not die in a freak gasoline fight accident.

katinka

Katinka Ingabogovianaanaa

Katinka, I just thought you’d like to know – your boy Zoolander’s rollin – it’s a walk off.

katinka.inka.bigovina.naanaa
becca this is for u from jules

Katinka: Glad you could join us, K-Mart. Lucky for you there is no dress code.

Katinka: I do not like nosy reporter with lack of fashion sense.. not one little bit.

Katinka: I do not like snoopy reporter with lack of fashion sense. Not one little bit.

Katinka: I suggest you and your K-Mart-Jacqueline Smith Collection outfit stay the hell away from Derek Zoolander!

Katinka: You don’t have the guts, K-Mart! Matilda: Wanna bet? You were wrong about my outfit. It’s the Cheryl Ladd collection and I got it at J.C Penny, on sale.

KatinkadaNAAANAA

keep pulling the sweater, eventually the whole thing will unravel

kill the claymation dude?

Lee Harvey Oswald was not a male model… God damn right he wasn’t, but those two lookers who capped Kennedy from the grassy knoll sure as shit were.

Lee Harvey Oswald wasn’t a male model.

Lets go get some ORANGE MOCHA FRAPUCHINOS

Lifes a bungee, i grip it and i rip it

listen i gotta go pee, but when i get back i’d really like to continue talking about this conversation.

Listen to your friend Billy Zane

listen..this has been an emotional day for all of us…lets get naked

Look at me, I’m Sandra Dee. Hee Hee Hee. La Dee Da Dee Dee. Don’t you see? I’m not a tree.

Look I have to go pee, but I’d really like if we could continue talking about this conversation when I get back.

LOOK OUT – SHE’S GOT AN EGG!

Look out! She’s got an egg!

LOOK OUT, HE’S GOT AN EGG!!

Look, I gotta go pee but I’d really like to continue talking about this conversation when i come back.

Look, I gotta go pee but, I’d really like to continue talking about this conversation when I come back.

look, i gotta go pee, but i’d really like to continue talking abouthis conversation when i get back.

look, i gotta go pee, but id really like to continue talking about this conversation when i get back.

Lose ten pounds now!

Love to love you, baby.

Lucky for me no one I know reads your little TIME magazine or whatever its called.

Lucky for you there is no dress code

lucky for you, not to many people i know read your little TIME magizene

M: Todd! Are you not aware that I get farty and bloated with a foamy latte? Todd: My mistake Jacobin! M: Your mistake indeed!

Magnum!
It’s Beautiful!

magnum’s a lot softer i use it more for catalogue shoots

Man1: What about Fabio? Hmmm? Woman: Too smart. This is a rush job. He’s got to be EXTREMELY dim-witted.. A beautiful self-absorbed simpleton who can be manipulated and molded, like jello. Man1: Or cookie-dough. Man2: Play-dough. Woman: ANY kind of dough.

matil: i thought i told you to turn off your phone!… zoolander: turn off my phone????????

Matilda- I think Katinka wants to kill you Derek- Good! I deserve to die if I cant even beat ha-suck-ass in a walk off Matilda- Come on Derek the guy had to miraculousy pull underware out off his butt just to beat you. Derek- But all he had to do was turn left.
Matilda- What? Derek- Im not an Ambi-turner. I cant turn left.

Matilda-so i became….Hansel-…what?..Matilda-..well….bulimic…Zoolander- YOU CAN READ MINDS?

matilda: and then… i became bulimic
derek: you could read minds?

Matilda: Arr..Derek, I don’t know if your familiar with the belief that some Aboriginal tribes hold, it’s the concept that a photo might steal part of soul. What are your thoughts on that as someone who get’s his picture taken for a living? Derek: Well, I guess I would have to answer your question with another question. How many abordigenals do you see modelling?

Matilda: Derek that was unbelievable!
Derek: I know! I turned left!
Matilda: No, you saved the Prime Minister!
Derek: Oh, well that’s cool too.

matilda: Derek! I thought I told you to turn off your phone!
derek: turn off my phone? turn off my phone?
matilda: yah
derek: earth to matilda, this phone is as much a part of me as-
matilda:you know what? can we just cut it out with all the earth to’s please
Hansel: we’re not actully saying this is the earth calling you matilda
matilda: yah, no I got that. I understand you dont literally mean-
derek: uhh no, i don’t think you do, listen its not like we think that were actually in a control tower trying to reach outerspace aliens or something..
hansel: (in weird alien voice) hellllo, hellllo
derek: oooooh SNAP!

Matilda: Derek..when did u first relize you wanted to be a male model? Derek:well, it’d have to be when i was in the first grade and i saw my reflection in my spoon and i relizes wow..im rediculesly good looking

Matilda: I became bulimic.
Hansel: YOU CAN READ MINDS?!?!?!?!

Matilda: I became… bolemic.
Derek: You can read minds?!!
Matilda: (sighs) It’s when you throw up after every meal.
Derek: (sniggering) Matilda… SO WHAT! I through up after lots of meals!
Hansel: Me too, It’s a great way to lose pounds before a show.

Matilda: I was belmic
Zoolander: you could read minds?!?

Matilda: That She-Male Katinka is not messing around

Matilda: When did you first realize that you were good looking?
Derek: Well, when I was in the second grade for the first time, i saw my reflection in a spoon and said, gee Derek, you’re ridiculously good looking, i wonder if i can do that for a career?
Matilda: Do what for a career?
Derek: Be professionaly good looking

Matilda: When did you realize that you wnated to be a male supermodel? Derek: I geuss it would have to be the first time i went through the first grade. I was eating my cereal one day when I saw my reflection in the sppon and I thought to myself, wow, you are really, really good-looking. And then I wondered if i could do that for a living. Matilda: Do what? Derek: Be professionally good-looking.

Matilda: When I was in 7th grade I was the fat kid in my class.

Zoolander: Ewwwwwwwwwwwww!

Matilda: When I was in seventh grade, I was the fat kid in my class.. I was the one that all the pretty girls used to make fun of. It was an awkward phase. Anyway, everyday after school, I would come home and, you know, I’d flip through the pages of my mum’s Vogue and Glamour and I’d, I’d just look at these women. Perfect, beautiful, and just unbeleivable skinny women, and I couldn’t-oh I couldn’t understand why I didn’t look like them.

Matilda:Derek, how much are you worried about Hansel?
Derek: Not as much as I’m worried about Gretel!

Matilda:When did you find out you would start a career in modelling?Zoolander:Well in grade 2 in the cafeteria i caught my reflection on a spoon and thought,geese, im ridiciously good looking.

Mauri:what do we do when we fall off a horse?
Derek Gives Blank stare
Mauri: we get back on
Derek: sorry Mauri, I’m not a gymnast!

Maury Ballstein, Balls Models

Maury Ballstein: Right now this guy is so hot, he could take a crap, wrap it in tin foil and put a coupld of fish hooks on it, and sell it to Queen Elizabeth as Earrings.

Maury- What do we do when we fall off the horse
(Derek looks around pondering)
Maury- we get back on…
Derek- Sorry Maury. Im not a gymnist

Maury-what do you do when you fall off the horse? Derek- whisperin to himself fall off the horse. Maury-you get back on. Derek-sorry maury, im not a gymnist…

Maury: Derek, what do you do when you fall off the horse? You get back on! That’s what this business is all about!
Derek: Sorry, Maury. But I’m not a gymnast.

Maury: Want to hear an opponion? Wtih the right bra you could actually have a nice rack of lamb!

Maury: What do we do when we fall off the horse?…………We get back on. Derek:I’m sorry Maury, I’m not a gymnast.

Maury: what happens when you fall off a horse Derek? Derek: i dunno. Maury: you get back up! Derek: sorry maury, i’m not a gymnist

Me and my friends have been too busy sunbathing off the southern coast of St. Barts with spider monkeys for the past two weeks. Tripping on acid changed our whole perspective on shit.

Mecus, Brint and Trent were like brothers to me, but i don’t mean like actual brothers, but i mean it the way black people use it, which is more meaningful I think.

Meet my assistance… katinkainkabagovanahah

meet my assistant, Katinka Inga Bigovinanana

Meet my assistant, Katinka Ingabagova Na Na

mekus: its like ex-squeeeze me but have you ever heard of styling gel?
brint: he’s a male model. i’m sure he’s heard of styling gel.
mekus: uh, earth to brint. it was a joke, okay?
brint: earth to mekus, duh, okay, i knew that
mekus: earth to brint, i’m not so sure you did cuz you were all ‘well.. i’m sure he’s heard of styling gel’ liek you DIDN’T know! hahahaaa
brint: earth to —
derek: GUYS! do you ever think there might be more to life than being really really really ridiculously good looking?

Melinda: I used to be the fat girl back in high school–
Zoolander: EEEWWWW

Mer-man…ugh ugh..mer-man!

Merman *cough cough* MERMAN!

Merman father…merman.

Merman pop. Merman!

merman!

MerMAN! *cough cough* MerMAN!

merman, merman!

Merman…cough cough cough cough…merMAN

Moisture is the essence of wetness

Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty!

Moisture is the essence of wetness. And wetness is the essence of beauty.

Moisture is the essence of wetness. Wetness is the essence of beauty.

Morey: now if i could only ka-piss,, my prostate is flarin up like a fickin ticky tooch,, come on give me alittle pee pee, a little drop(splat) THATS WHAT I’M TALKIN ABOUT!!!!

Morrie: Were goin to do what we do when we fall off a horse
Derek: ?????
Morrie: Get back on it
Derek: thanks a lot Morrie, but im a male model, not a gymnist

Morrie:What do you do when you fall off a horse Derek?
*Derek thinks and is dumbfounded.*
Morrie: You get back on.
Derek: Sorry Morrie, I’m not a gymnast.

Mory: Derek what do you do when you fall off the horse?
Derek: ……………….
Mory: You get back on
Derek: Im sorry Mory, Im not a gymnist

Mugato: I invented the piano key necktie. And what have you done? Nothing! NOTHING!!

Mugatu : Hansel, He’s so hot right now, Hansel.

Mugatu : I invented the piano key neck tie.. what have you ever done? NOTHING….. YOU’RE NOTHING !!!!!

Mugatu to some random model: Oh I’m sorry…did my pin get in the way of your ass??? Do me a favor and loose 5 pounds immediatly!!!

Mugatu’s so hot right now, he could take a crap, wrap it in tin foil, add some fish hooks and sell it to queen elizebeth as earrings.

Mugatu- Derek, i give you the Derek Zoolander center for kids who can’t read good (and who wanna learn to do other stuff good too). {Derek studies model} Derek- What is this???!?!? A center for ants?!?!? (throws model on floor) How are the children expected to learn if they can’t even fit inside the building??? Mugatu- Derek it’s just a small scale mod…. Derek- I DON’T WANT TO HEAR YOUR EXCUSES! The center has to be at least….3 times bigger than this. Mugatu (confused, but trying to negotiate. looks over to Todd)- he’s absolutely right… Derek- thank you, i have a vision. Mugatu- and so do i…let me show you mine….(presents him with Derelicte)

Mugatu-but who? I mean where in all of gods green goodness am I going to find someone that beast headed!!

Mugatu-Todd, are you not aware that I get farty and bloated with a foamy latte
Todd-My mistake Jacobim
Jacobim-Your mistake indeed

mugatu: Damnit, it’s Hansel! he is SO hot right now…

Mugatu: Shut up! Enough already Ballstein! Who cares about Derek Zoolander anyway?! The man has only one look for Christ’s sake. Blue Steel? Ferrari? Le Tigre? They’re the same face. Doesn’t anyone notice this? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills. I invented the piano key necktie. I invented it. What have you done, Derek? Nothing! You’ve done nothing! Nothing! And I will be a monkey’s uncle if I have you ruin this for me. Because if you can’t get the job done, then I will. Die you wage-hiking scum.

Mugatu: derek, i would like you to meet my new assistant, Katinka-Inca-Begovana-na-na-na

mugatu: hanstupid destroyed them all

Mugatu: Hello Derek. Welcome to your relaxation time. Let this wonderful 80’s classic soooth you. Just some nice warm happy time. HAPPYYAHHHHHHH.

Mugatu: Hi kids! my name’s Lil Cledus and im here to tell you about child labor laws. They’re silly and outdated! Back in the good old days children as young as 5 could work. From textile factories, to iron smelts. Yipee, Hurray!

Mugatu: I present to you the Derek Zoolander Center for
Kids Who Can’t Read Good and Would Like To Do Other Things Good
Zoolander: Is this a center for ants?
Mugatu: What?
Zoolander: How can the children read when they cant even fit inside the building?

Mugatu: I Present to you, The Derek Zoolander House for Children Who Can’t Read Good.
Zoolander: WHAT IS THIS A CENTER FOR ANTS???!!! *throws on ground*
Zoolander: How are the children supposed to read if they can’t even fit in the building?? It has to be at least… 3 times bigger than this.
Mugatu: …. Your right!

Mugatu: I’d like you to meet Katinka Inga Bogovin Ana Na

Mugatu: I’m sorry! did my pin get in the way of your ass?!?! Lose five pounds immediately or get out of my building like now!

Mugatu: I’ve negotiated my butt off, Georgio! I’ve tried talking to them, I’ve tried bribes, I even sent them some pet oxen! I mean they love that kind of crap over there!

Mugatu: Im one hot little potato right now!

Mugatu: Its the same look! Am I the only one that notices that! I feel like im taking crazy pills!!

Mugatu: Oh, I’m sorry, did my PIN GET IN THE WAY OF YOUR ASS?! Do me a favour and lose five pounds immediately or get out of my BUILDING, LIKE, NOW! GET OUT!!!

Mugatu: Oh, im sorry, did my PIN GET IN THE WAY OF YOUR ASS?! lose five pounds like now or get the hell out of my office!

MUGATU: Ohhh!!! There it is…Theres Magnum…..Its beautiful!

mugatu: shut up!enough already ballstein! who cares about derek zoolander anyway? the mans got only one look for christ sake.blue steel?ferrari?le tigre? they’re the same face! doesnt anyone notice this? i feel like im taking crazy pills! i invented the piano key necktie.i invented it. what have you done derek? nothing! you;ve done nothing!nothing! and i will be a monkeys uncle if i have you ruin this for me. because if you cant get the job done,then i will. die you wage hiking scum!

derek: One look? one look?? i dont think so!

mugatu: the forbidden fruit must be tasted

Mugatu: Todd! Are you aware that I get Farty and Bloated with a foamy latte?

Mugatu: Todd! Are you not aware that I get farty and bloated with a foamy latte!

Mugatu: Well Good, Cause im fiery hot with ANGER!

Mugatu: Well good, I have no time for shenanigans…..NO TIME!

Mugatu: You have no evidence. Han-stupid destroyed everything.

MUGATU:Don’t you know i get farty and bloaty with a foamy latte!!

Mugatu:the guy’s got one look.doesn’t anyone notice that i feel like i’m taking crazy pills.Derek:one look, one look, i don’t think so.

Mugatu:you know i get farty and bloaty with a foamy latte!
Todd: My mistake jacobeam
Mugatu: Your mistake indeed!

MY MISTAKE JAQUOBEEME!

My mistake sir
YOURE MISTAKE INDEED

NO TODD! NOT NOW!

No Todd, not now!

No, not now todd, i’m tired.

not now matilda. han-sellout is about to have his han-sell ass handed to him on a platter . . with french fried potatoes

Not now Matilda. Hansela is about to have his hansel-ass handed to him on a plate. with french fried potatoes.

NOT NOW TODD, I’m SO TIRED!

Now if I can only get a piss. My prostate’s flaring up like a freakin’ tiki-torch. Give me a little pee pee. C’mon, just a couple of drops. (Drip) Yes! That’s what I’m talking about!

O SNAP!

Obey my dog

Obey my dog!

OBEY MY DOG!!

Oh Snap!

Oh yeah, I’ve never heard of it. Me and my friends have been too busy bathing off the southern coast of St. Bart’s with spider monkies for the past two weeks, tripping on acid. Changed our whole perspective on shit.

Oh yeah? Me and my friends have been too busy bathing off the Southern coast of St. Bargs with spider monkeys for the past two weeks. Tripping on acid, changed our whole perspective on shit.

Oh, I thought you were going to tell me what a bad eugoogalizor I am…A eugoogalizor, one who speaks at funerals. Or did you think I’d be too stupid to know what a eugoogoly was?

Oh, I’m sorry! Did my pin get in the way of your ASS!

Oh, I’m sorry, did my pin get in the way of your ASS!? Do me a favor and lose five pounds immediately or get out of my building! Now!…I’m so tired…No Todd, not now!

Oh, I’m sorry, did my pin get in the way of YOUR ASS? Do me a favor and lose five pounds immediately or get out of my building like NOW!

ohi!, Taste my pain bitch!

OK DEREK ZOOLANDER ONLY HAS 1 LOOk
THE MOVIE is A PIECE OF SHIT STOP POSTING YOU FAGS

one day i woke up and said to myself, if i’m going to be incredibly beautiful, i might as well get paid for it.

One look!?!

One Look?!?

One man, five syllables.

Oooh, Snap!

Or cookie dough. Any kind of dough!

Or did you think I was too stupid too know what a yagoogaly was?

Or did you think I’d be too stupid to know what a eugogolizer was?

Orange mocha frapachino!

Orange Mocha Frappaccino!

Orange Mocha Frappachino!

orange mocha frappachinos

Orange Mocha Frappachinos!

Orange Mocha Frappechino

orange mocha frappichinos!!!!!!!!!

Orange Mocha Frapuccino!

Owww…. O I’m sorry did my pin get in the way of your ass? Do me a favor and lose 5 pounds immediatley or get out of my building like now. GET OUT!!!

Paps (Cough cough)I think I got the Black Lung

Perhaps you’d rather go back to churning out novelty neck ties in Hackin-sack.

poop my pants

Poor me a steaming hot cup of Hansel!

Pop ’em and lock ’em, fool!

Prancing around up there with your weiner hanging out!!!!

Prime Minister of malaysia bad…martial arts good!

Put a cork in it Zane!

Put a cork in it, Zane!

Reporter: Derek, Derek, are you worried about Hansel?
Derek: Ah, not as much as I am worried about Gretel.

Richard Gere is a real hero of mine. Sting…Sting would be another person who’s a hero. The music he’s created over the years, I don’t really listen to it…but the fact that he’s making it…I respect that.

Richard Gere’s a real hero of mine. Sting. Sting would be another person who’s a hero. The music he’s created over the years, I don’t really listen to it. But that fact that he’s making it, I respect that.

Rico: Derek, Kick Hansel’s ass! Derek: Thanks Rico, I’ll try.

Right now Mugato’s is so hot. He could take a crap, wrap it in tin foil, put some fish hooks on it and sell them to Queen Elizabeth as earrings.

Rufus, Brint, and Meecus were like brothers to me. And I don’t mean like they were my real brothers, I mean like the way black people say.

rufus, brint, and meekus were like brothers to me. and when i say brother, i don’t mean it like an actual brother. i mean it in the way black people use it. which is more meaningful i think. if there is anything this horrible tradgety can teach us, it’s that a male model’s life is a precious precious commodity. just because we have chiseled abs, and stunning features, it doesn’t mean that we too can’t not die in a freak gasoline fight accident.

Rufus, Brint, and Meekus were like brothers to me. And when I say brother, I don’t mean, like, an actual brother, but I mean it like the way black people use it. Which is more meaningful I think.

Sarah PAIN!!! hey what’s up I LOVE THE MOVIE ZOOLANDER

Screw you and your little dog too!

Screw you and your little dog too!!!!

Serve me up some piping hot hansel (outtakes)

SNAP

SNAP!

SNAP! How do you live??

SNAP!!!!

So I was freeclimbing Mt Vesuvius, when I suddenly lost my grip, so I’m falling and falling, and then I start to think. Hey, havent you been smoking peote for the last six days, and isnt it a possibility that this is all in your head? And it turned out I was right. I’ve never even been to Mt Vesuvius.

So I’m rapelling down Mount Vesuvius, when suddenly I slip. And I start to fall. I mean I’m about to die. Just falling. AHHH. AHHH. I’ll never forget the terror. When suddenly I remember, ‘Holy shit. Hansel, haven’t you been smoking peyote for six straight days? And couldn’t some of this maybe be in your mind?’
And?
It was. I was totally fine. I’ve never even been to Mount Vesuvius.

So i’m repelling down Mount Vesuvius when suddenly I slip and I start to fall. And I mean I’m about to die – just falling. aahhh! ahhhh! I’ll never forget the terror. When suddenly I remember – Holy Shit! Hansel, haven’t you been smoking peyote for six straight days, and couldn’t some of this maybe be in your mind? … It was! I was totally fine. I’ve never even been to Mount Vesuvius . . .

So I’m repelling down Mt Vesuvius, and my rope breaks and I begin to fall and im falling , falling. ahhhh, I’ll never forget the terror! Then i thought to myself, hey hansel. haven’t you been smoking peyote for 6 straight days and couldn’t some of this maybe in your head? [and???] it was….i’ve never even been to mt vesuvius…..

So I’m repelling down Mt. Mazufious when suddenly I slip and I start to fall, I mean, I’m about to die. Just falling, ahhh ahhh I’ll never forget the terror. When suddenly I remember, ‘Holy shit, Hansel, Haven’t you been smoking paoti for six straight days…and couldn’t some of this may be in your mind?’
and…?
It was. I was totally fine. I’ve never even been to Mt. Mazufious.

So I’m repelling down Mt. Vesuvius when suddenly I slip and I start to fall, I mean, I’m about to die. Just falling, ahhh ahhh I’ll never forget the terror. When suddenly I remember, ‘Holy shit, Hansel, Haven’t you been smoking peyote for six straight days…and couldn’t some of this may be in your mind?’ and…? It was. I was totally fine. I’ve never even been to Mt. Vesuvius

So there I was, repelling down Mt.Vesuvius, when suddenly, i start to fall. I mean I’m about to die. But then I realized, Hey Hansel, haven’t you been smoking peyote for the last six days, and couldn’t some of this maybe in your head?…and it was. I’ve never even been to Mt.Vesuvius!

so what is a while……like 8 days?

So what? Do you understand that the world does not revovle around you and your do whatever it takes, ruin as many people’s lives, so long as you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose, or people you leave dead and bloodied along the way just so long as you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose, or people you leave dead and bloodied and dying along the way.

Something you hate to see at an event like this, ugly protestors bothering beautful people.

Sorry lady. Not Interested. Now if you will excuse me, I have an after funeral party to attend.

Sting is another hero of mine, the music he’s made throughout the years….I don’t really listen to it…but the fact that he’s making it…..I respect that

Sting is another person who’s a hero. The music that he’s made over the years, I don’t really listen to it. But the fact that he’s making it, I respect that.

sting’s another one of my heros.i dont really listen to his music, but the fact that hes making it…i respect that.

Sting…Sting would be another hero of mine. The music he makes, I dont really listen to it, but the fact that he’s making it, I respect that.

Sting…Sting would be another person who’s a hero of mine. The music that he’s made over the years, I don’t really listen to it, but I the fact that he’s making it, I respect that.

surprize…. what the hell is the mata with you

taste my pain bitch!

Thanks Zolaf I’ll try

Thar’s Mer-MAN!

That Hansel guy walks around like he’s so kool.
I know right. And the way he combs his hair!
Or like doesnt!
It’s like X-squeeze-me but, has he ever heard of styling gel?
Yea, I thinks hes heard of styling gel, he’s a male model.
I was makin’ a joke.
Duh, ok. I knew that.
No you were all like i think hes heard of styling gel like you DIDNT know it was a joke.
I knew it was a joke! I just didnt get it right away
Would you guys stop it! have you guys ever thought to do something more meanigful with our lives?
Like what?
Like helping ppl.
UHHH. Derek, WHat ppl.
I dunno ppl who need help
Models help ppl
Yea they show them how to dress cool and wear there hair in interesting ways.
I guess so.
You know what can really help you sort through these difficult times?
ORANGE MOCHA FRAPPICCIONO!

Do What?
Be profesionally good looking.

that hansel is so hot right now!

That Hansel is soo hot right now!

That Hansel….so hot right now!!

that hansel…he’s so hot right now.

that hasel, he’s so hot right now, hansel

That Mugatu is so hot he could take a crap, wrap it in tinfoil, and sell them as earrings!

That Mugatu is so hot rite now.

That one moment when she was sandwhiched between the two Finnish dwarves and the maori tribesman I said to myslef, WOW this is someone i could really spend the rest of my life with.

That one moment when she was sandwhiched between the two Finnish dwarves and the maori tribesman…

That’s not enough time. It takes months to train an operative. What about Fabio? Too smart. This is a rush job. He’s got to be extremely dim-witted. You know the profile,Jacobim. A beautiful, self-absorbed…simpleton who can be manipulated and molded like Jell-O. Or cookie dough. Or Play-Doh. Any kind of dough

The calendar was great because it gave people a chance to see a side of my versatility. The original Greek word for model means miss-shapen ball of clay, and I try to think about that every time I get in front of the camera.

The files are IN the computer!

The files are IN the computer?

THE MAN HAS ONE LOOK! BLUE STEAL?! FERRARI? LA TIGRE?! ITS ALL THE SAME FACE! DOESNT ANYBODY NOTICE THIS I FEEL LIKE IM TAKING CRAZY PILLS! I INVENTED THE PIANO KEY NECK TIE! I INVENTED IT! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE DEREK?! NOTHING!!!! YOUVE DONE NOTHING!!!! NOTHING!!!

The original greek word model means mishapen ball of clay. I try to think about that whenever i get in front of the camera

The other day, I was thinking of volunteering to help underprivileged children learn how to read… and just thinking about it was the most rewarding experience of my life.

The results are in amigo. What’s left to ponder? Nice comeback.

The zoolander house for kids who carnt read good. how r they sposed to read when
they carnt fit in the building

Their break dance fighting

There all the same look! Le Tigre, Ferrari, Blue Steel! I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!

there break dance fighting

There has got to be more to life than being really, really, really, ridiculously good-looking.

There has got to be more to life than just being really, really, really, ridiculously good-looking.

There must be more to life than being really, really, really, really, really, ridiculously good looking.

There was a moment last night, when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwarves and the Mayori tribesman, when I was just like, WOW! I could really spend the rest of my life with this woman!

They were like brothers to me, not like real brothers, but brothers in the way black people say it.

They were like brothers to me. Not really brothers, but the way that black people use it which is more meaningful I think.

They were like brothers to me…and when I say brother I mean it in the way that black people mean it. I think it has more meaning that way.

they were like my brothers, and when i say brothers i dont literally mean brothers, i mean it the way black people say it cause i think it means more

They’ll be expecting us, but they won’t be expecting NOT US.

they’ll be looking for us at maurys but they wont be looking for…. not us MATILDA: derek what r u talkin about?DEREK: hansel do you have a cosmetics kit? Hansel: ya just for touch ups but..DEREK: when i was just starting out i used to do my own make up and hair styling if i can create a basic disguise using this we may be able to get into maurys undetected

They’ll be looking for us, but they wont be looking for..NOT US!

They’re break dance fighting.

They’re in the computer? It’s so simple….

Think about it! No, ‘you’ think about it!

To me it’s all about working hard, having fun, and…then like, working really hard some more… but then having some more fun…(From DVD ekstra material)

To me it’s all about working hard, having fun, and…then like, working really hard some more… but then having some more fun…”

To me its all about working hard, having fun, and…then like, working really hard some more…but then having some more fun

Tod are you unaware that I get farty and bloated from a foamy lat’e
My mistake
Your mistake indeed

tod, are you not aware that i get farty and bloated with a froathy latte?Allowed HTML:

Todd

todd! dont you know that foamy lottes make me all farty and baloted?? todd:my mistake sirr Mugatu: yes, your mistake indeed! (awkward scilence) **the two just stare at each other whimpering for a few seconds** Mugatu:Deric, id like to show you something……..The Derik Zoolander Center For Kids who CAnt read Good And Who Wanna Learn How too do Other stuff good Too!

TODD! ARE YOU NOT AWARE THAT I GET BLOATED AND FART WITH A FOAMY LATAI!?!!

TODD!! Are you not aware that a foamy latte makes me farty and bolated!?!?!?

Todd!! Are you not aware that I get farty and bloated with a foamy latte??

Todd!, don’t you know i get farty and bloated with a foamy latté.

Todd, are you not aware that i get farty and bloated from a foamy latte!?!

Todd, Are you not aware that I get farty and bloaty with a foamy latte?

Todd: Let’s go people, let’s go! Vagrants and Whores, your wanted in make-up. Runaways and Street Hustlers, your next!

TOOD! Dont you know I get farty and blowty with a foamy latae?!?!

TWO WEEKS???!!…..How can you live??

uh I can’t stand that hansel. I know right. Riding in on that scotter like he’s so cool.

uh, earth to matilda, we weren’t really trying to signal you from space

uhuh! uhuh! I think I got the black lung pops.

Um, hello! Earth to Matilda! I was at a DAY spa! D-A-I-Y-E!

ur vaginal cream …! u cream is allover my shirt

Voice on the phone- Keep pulling the sweater. Matilda- What? Voice- eventually the whole thing will unravel. Matilda- Don’t you mean, keep pulling the thread? Voice- Now your getting it baby

Wake me up before you go-go.

wanna hav sex mathilda?

Wasadealio yo?

water is the essence of moisture

we need someone so dimwhitted he can be modeled like clay…or cookiedough

We’re not actually saying that the earth is calling you. Matilda: No i get that. Derek:No, I dont think you do

We’ve got ourselves a walk off

Well I guess I’d have to answer your question with another question…How many Abodiginals do you see modeling?

Well, I guess I would have to answer your question with another question. How many ebidiginals do you see modeling?

Well, there a couple of little butterflies in my basket but I think I am doing ok.

What do you do when you fall of the hoarse? (derek thinks…) you get back on! Sorry Moury I’m not a gymnast

What do you say we settle this on the run-way… HAN-SOLO.

What is this ? A center for Ants ? How are you suposed to teach children how to read , if they cant even fit inside the building ?

what is this todd? ARN’T YOU AWARE I GET FARTY AND BLOTY WITH A FOAMY LATAI?

what is this, a center for ants…… it has to be at least three times that size

What is this, a centre for ants? It needs to be at least…3 times this size!

What is this… A CENTER FOR ANTS!?!

What is this….a center for ants?!?! how are children supposed to read when they cant even fit inside the building…????

What is this? A center for ants!! How can we be expected to teach the children to read if they can’t even fit into the building? It needs to be at least…3 TIMES this size!

What IS this? A CENTER FOR ANTS???

what is this? *throws model to ground and breaks*…a center for ants?how r we expected to teach the children to read if they cant even fit inside the building..(Magatu:it just a m..)i dont want to hear ur excuses…it needs to be at least..3 times bigger!(magatu:*sarcasticly* your right!)

WHAT IS THIS? A CENTER FOR ANTS!?

what is this? a center for ants!? i dont want your excuses! how can children learn to read if they cant even fit in the building? it needs to be at least…3 times bigger

What is this? A center for ants?

What is this? A school for ants? It has to be atleast…three times bigger!

What IS this? How are children expected to learn to read if they can’t even fit inside the building? It has to be at least…three times that big!

WHAT IS THIS?!? A CENTER FOR ANTS!?! HOW DO YOU EXPECT THEM TO LEARN HOW TO READ IF THEY CAN’T EVEN FIT IN THE BUILDING!?!?!

What is this?!?! A center for ants!!

What Is This?!?! A center for ANTS?? The center has to be atleast . . . THREE times this size

WHAT IS THIS?1? A CENTER FOR ANTS!?!

What! Fourteen days, that’s fashion week it’s impossible I have a show.

Whats The Deal YoYo

When did you know that you wanted to become a male model? Well, it must have been the first time i went through the second grade, I caught my reflection in a spoon when i was eating my cereal and i remember thinking. Wow you’re ridiculously good looking. Y dont you
do that for a living?
Do What?
Be profesionally good looking.

when i was going through 2nd grade for the first time,i saw my reflection in the back of a spoon and i thought, wow, i’m ridiculously good looking.

When I was in second grade for the third time, I saw my reflection in a spoon and said, you are really, really, really, ridicoulusy good looking, you could do this for a living!

Who am i, (puddle) I dont know. Hmmm I guess i have a lot to ponder, Hansel-The results are in amigo whats left to ponder?, Derek-uhhhh, Hansel- NICE Comeback

who am i?…GOD?

Who cares about Derek Zoolander anyway! The man has only one look for Christs Sake!!. Blue Steel….Ferrari la tigra…they’re the same face. Doesn’t anyone realise this I feel like I,m taking crazy pills. I Invented the piano key nexk tie. I Invented it!!

Whoaa… you can read minds

WHOOOOO, you must like service yourself twenty times a day.

Whose winning the match?

Why are you acting so messed up towards me?

why dont we settle this on the runway..?

Why you actin so messed up towards me? z-why u actin so messed up towards me? Hansel- you first. Zoolander- maybe I felt threatened by you

why you acting so messed up towards me?
I don’t know, why you acting so meesed up towards me?

why you been acting so messed up towards me?

With what your male modelling? Prancing around in your underwear with your wiener hanging out for everyone to see? Your dead to me boy. You’re more dead to me, than your dead mother. I just thank the lord that she didn’t ever live to see her son as a mermaid.

With your spiky black hair, and your little blue suit!

Ya Kapish, now if only i could kapiss

Yea I capice now if I could only ca-piss….

Yo Derek! When ya gonna drop Magnum on us buddy?
No can do, Billy. You gotta tame the beast before you let it outta the cage.

Yo! Taste my pain, bitch!

You better step aside hansel, before i hit you in the jugular, thank you very much!

You can read minds?

You cannot just barge into people’s lofts, wanting sex and then changing your mind. Telling people that they were in a day spa for a week.

You cant just come into someone’s loft, wanting sex and then changing your mind, and telling them they’ve been at a day spa for a week.

You cant just walk into someone’s flat wanting sex then changing your mind and telling them they’ve been at a day spa for a week.

you do what ever it takes…no matter how many people you leave bloody and dying….no matter how many friends you lose….just so long as you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist…no matter how many people you kill…or how many friends you lose….just as long as you make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist

You don’t care about how many people you leave dead and bloodied along the way just as long as you can make it as an investigative journalist no matter how many people you lave dead and bloodied along the way?

You don’t have the guts, KMART!

You guys cannot make the quotes right, you all can derelick my balls, capitaine! Don’t you know I’m loco. What is this a center for idiots? How can we expect people to quote the movie properly, if they can’t even get the quotes right?! I want none of you reading my eugougely, it’ll be all wrong! SNAP!

You have 1200 messages. Derek-That is a little bit above average.

You have twelve…hundred messages. That is a bit above average.

you know i get bloated on a foamy latte

You know i get farty and bloated from a foamy latte!

you know i get farty and bloaty with a foamy latte!

You know, Matilda, last night when you were sandwiched between those dwarves, i realized how much i love you.

You read minds?

You talking Loco I like that

You think you’re too cool for school, but ive got news for you, Walter Kronkite…..you arent.

You think you’re too cool for school. Well I’ve got a news flash for ya Walter Cronkite…you aren’t

You think you’re too cool for school…well you arent!

You think your too cool for school, but I got a newsflash for you Walter Kronkite…you aren’t! Whatever dude, peace God bless. Hey Hansel sorry about Mugatu’s derelict campaign. Huh, I’ve never even heard of it. Me and my friends were too busy bathing off the southern coast of St. Barnes. Tripin on acid, changed my whole perspective on the sh**. So I guess you can derelick my balls capitan. I can derelick my own balls thank you very much.

You think your too cool for school, but I gota news flash for you Walter Choncite, you aren’t.

you want the truth, you want the truth, you cant handle the truth!!!!

you’re dead to me boy. more dead than your dead mother.

You’re exused…and I’m NOT your bra!

Your work, in the winter’95 catalogue, is what made me wanna be a model.

Your wrong….its..*The Derek Zoolander Center for Kids who can’t read good and want to learn to do other stuff good too.*

zip it Zane!

Zoolandeer; a Model…Idiot

Zoolander – (after spending ne day in the coal mine) [fake girly cough] Dad i think im getting the black lung disease…

Zoolander on Globalization:Half the population is covered in water….The other 96% is wheat…Think about it…no..YOU think about it

Zoolander Promo: Can you believe that some people are affraid to open a male modeling catalog, for fear of seeing big words that look like spooky animals? Don’t be affraid! Words can only hurt you if you try to read them, don’t play their game!

Zoolander to Matilda:Who Cares! Don’t you see that the worlds doesn’t revolve around you and your do whatever it takes, ruin as many lives, just so long as you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist, no matter how many friends you loose or people you leave dead and bloody along the way just so long as you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist, no matter how many friends you loose or people you leave dead and bloody and dying along the way?

Zoolander: But why male models? Hand model: What are you serious, I just told you that

Zoolander: Hansel-out is going to get his Hansel-ass handed to him on a platter… with french fried potatoes.

zoolander: ill come back for you hand model guy: hurry go go! (zoolander stept on the guys glas cover) hand model guy: YOU FREAKIN IDIOT!!!

Zoolander: Just because we have chiseled abs and stunning features doesn’t mean that we too can’t not die in a freak, gasoline fight accident.

Zoolander: Oh. I thought you were going to tell me what a bad eugugalizer I am.
Matilda: A what?
Zoolander: A eugugalizer-one who speaks at funerals, or did you think I’d be too stupid to know what a eugugoly is?

Zoolander:helo? Ballstein:hey derek Zoolander:God? Ballstein: what the shit are you talking about its me Muary

zoolanders dad: for christ sake derek, you’re a mermaid.
derek: MAN, MERMAN.

Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Zoolander’: Quotes from the movie ‘Zoolander’