#1 Are you going alone? #2 Yes #1 Good. Can you do me a HUGE favour while your there? Go out and get LAID!! #2 Jill. #1 And call me the second you get back. Better yet call me right after, call me during. I want all the details.
#1 Did you vomit recently. #2 I was just about to brush my teeth.
#1 I had a hamburger for lunch. #2 They put mayonaisse on it? #1 Yes #2 Can you tell me why they do that? Every red blooded American knows that the only condiment you are ever supposed to put on a hamburger IS ketchup or maybe some of that special sauce you like so much here in Canada, which I think has a little bit of mayonaisse in it to. But I swear to god when they start slapping some mayonaisse on there I could kill somebody.
#1 Are you married? #2 Yes #1 Does you wife have any…..#2 Feminine Products? #1 Yes.
#1 Don’t tell me, lets go to Yanni. #2 Do you mind if I go and piss a little blood first? #1 Please, by all means.
(Oz is leaving for Chicago and his wife starts kissing him passionately.) SOPHIE: Goodbye, my darling. And hurry home. OZ (to the airport security): Do they have vomit bags on the flight?
*Jimmy’s phone rings and Oz spills his martini all over himself.* OZ: Phone, scared me. *Phone rings again and Oz jumps again.* There it is again!
*phone rings* Ansfer dat!
1) aaaaaAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaahh!! 2)It’s your beeper. 1) I know!
1) Have you vomited recently? 2)Yeah, a minute ago. I was just gonna brush my teeth. 1) I’ll wait.
1) I haven’t made love in five years. 2) Neither have I. I’ve been married.
1) Jimmy, why did you have to move in next door to me? 2) Oz, have you seen the soil? I’ve only been here two days and I’ve already got these little toma- 2) OH MY GOD!
1) She’s just charming isn’t she? 2)Well she can’t help it………..her mother…….well……what’s a nice
way of putting this?………she’s……..she’s the anti-crist.
1) She’s not a good person. 2) You’ve killed 18 people and you don’t think my wife’s a good person? 1) It doesn’t matter how many people I’ve killed.
1) Whats the matter, didn’t have the guts to collect the contract yourself….or is the problem a little lower *steps closer* Did you vomit recently?
2) Yes, I was just about to brush my teeth
1) I’ll wait
1) You stud you. 2) Gonna be a dead stud.
1)Dammit JIMMY! Why the hell did you have to go and move next door to me? 2) Oz, do you know what kind of soil I have in this backyard? I’ve been here two days and I’ve alredy got little…. 1) OH MY GOD!
1)I’d really hate to kill you. I hate it……I hate…….I hate it more than mayonaise. And you know how much I hate mayonaise. 2)Yes I do.
1)Your wife is not a good person 2)Your expecting an argument?
1. Don’t blong. 2. what?! 1. DON’T BE LONG!
1: You’re the reason I’m trying to get into the business. 2: What business would that be? 1: Contract killing.
Janni Gogolack: You know I have this same car?
Janni Gogolack: No.
JIMMY: I take it you’re not Canadian.
OZ: Only by marriage.
OZ: I don’t generally go around risking my life for people who just like me.
OZ: I just want you to know that everything I did, I did for love.
Jimmy: Yeah, whatever.
Actually Mr Tudeski, I’m still a virgin. I havne’t killed anybody yet. You know proffessionally.
By the way, how’s your urination?
By the way, I’d be happy to do your wife for you.
Do you mind if I say something? Leave the bitch!
Do you mind if I say something? Leave the bitch.
Everybody dies. Sooner or later.
Everybody dies…sooner or later.
He’s a little upset. I’ve managed to upset a mass murderer.
He’s upset. I’ve managed to upset a mass murderer.
Her mother – what’s a nice way of…well, uh…it’s – well, she’s the antichrist.
I can’t think of nothing finer than a fine naked woman holding a gun
I didn’t really like Stanely after that.
I don’t worry about a thing.
I miss you on Sundays.
I remember when I first started out, I hadn’t really done that much, you know I had done a couple things, saw some money, was having some fun, I was doing something that I liked.
I’ll tell you what, I’m gonna keep the soda and the fries, but I’m gonna send back this burger… You put mayonnaise on it I’m gonna come over to your house, chop your legs off, set your house on fire and watch as you drag your bloody stumps out of your house.
I’m gonna keep the coke and the fries…but I’m gonna send the burger back. If you put any mayonnaise on it, I’ll come over to your house, chop your legs off, set your house on fire, and watch as you drag your bloody stumps out of your house..okay, Pierre?
I’m gonna send this buger back. But if you put any mayonaise on it I’ll come over to your house, chop your legs off, set fire to your house and watch you drag your stumps out of it.
I’m…I’m gonna…I’m gonna go!
I’ve managed to upset a mass murderer.
If you put any majones on, i will come over to your house, chop your legs of, set your house one fire and watch as you drag your bloody stumps out of there, ok?
It doesn’t matter how many people I’ve killed. What matters is how I get along with the people who are still alive.
JIMMY (talking to Oz on the phone): What are you talking about, you love her? You just met her! (to Frankie and Jill) He says he’s in love with Cynthia.
FRANKIE: No shit.
JILL: So she’s the one.
JIMMY: The one what?
JILL: The one he shtupped in Chicago.
JIMMY: The one he– (into phone) My wife? You shtupped my wife, Oz?
OZ: Well, I wouldn’t exactly put it quite like that, I mean…
JIMMY: No no no! Let me get this straight. You went down to Chicago and you engaged in (yelling) SEXUAL CONGRESS WITH MY WIFE? Is that it?
JIMMY: I’m from Jersey.
OZ: New Jersey?
JIMMY: Yeah, new Jersey.
Jimmy: The great and powerful Oz!
My brother, belive me, you don’t want to dance with me all night.
oz’s wife gives him a huge kiss then :
OZ: excuse me? are there vomit bags on the flight
Oz, c’mon relax. Just come on over here, sit down in your favorite chair, have another martini…
Oz: Listen, Jimmy, I may hate my life, but I certainly don’t wanna die!
Jimmy (menacing voice): You’d better get used to it, because you’re going to… (normal voice) sooner or later! Tulip?
Roomservice. Before I vomited I ordered scotch.
Sit down in your favorite chair, have a martini.
So, do you like living in CAnada? No, I live here with my wife.
Someone- SCREW THAT- something, doesn’t deserve to be breathing…..the air.
Statistics don’t lie.
The great and powerful OZ.
The meat’s fine, the lettuce is fine, but if you bring me another hamburger with mayonnaise on it, I’ll cut off your legs, set fire to your house and then watch you try to crawl out of your burning house with bloody stumps
The meat’s fine, the lettuce is fine, but if you bring me another hamburger with mayonnaise on it, I’ll cut off your legs, set fire to your house and then watch you try to crawl out of your burning house with bloody stumps.
There’s nothing finer than a fine naked woman holding a gun. Now you just all kinds of fine ain’t ya.
They didn’t put mayonaisse on it did they? OZ: Yeah. JIMMY: I hate when they do that. Every red-blooded American knows that the only condiment that goes on a hamburger is ketchup! Well… maybe that special sauce that you Canadians here love so much, which think has mayonaisse in it anyway. But when they start slappin’ that mayonaisse on, I could just kill someone. OZ: Well I didn’t mean to upset you. JIMMY: Who’s upset? I’m just having a conversation here.
YANNI: Sveet dreams, Yimmy.
You know, I can’t think of nothin’ finer than a fine naked woman holding a gun.
You know, I can’t think of nothing finer than a fine naked woman holding a gun.
You like living in Canada?
You were right Jimmy, this is one exceedingly sweet man.
Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Whole Nine Yards, The’: Quotes from the movie ‘Whole Nine Yards, The’