(BECKA SEES KATIE IN THE CHAIR BUT DOESN’T SEE HER FACE)BECKA:KATIE,R U OK,KATIE R U OK.(BECKA TURNS THE CHAIR AROUND AND KATIE’S HEAD FALLS OFF ONTO THE FLOOR).BECKA:R U OK,KATIE
(blackout, u hear a little girls scream) tom: *to the little girl* dont be afraid!!! girl: that was uncle george
(Crayons hitting the wall)
Now who the fuck did dat?!
(Father driving in his car. Stops in front of what appears to be an accident. Gets out of the car to talk with the police officer).
Officer: It’s your wife, Father
Father: Annie? I don’t understand.
Officer: She’s pinned against a tree.
Father: I still don’t understand.
Officer: As long as the truck is there, she’ll stay alive.
Father: I still don’t get it.
Officer (exasperated, grabs a hot dog): Look what happens to the hotdog (breaks it in half)
Father: She broke her wiener?
Officer (even more exasperated, grabs a taco): Look what happens to the taco (breaks it in half)
Father: I don’t understand all this fancy medical lingo. I want to talk to Annie.
Officer: Try not to worry her. She doesn’t have much time.
Father: So, this is the last time I’ll be able to talk to the top half?
Officer: Yes.
Father (holding a doughnut): Say this is her bottom half. Can I squeeze in a few minutes with that?
Officer (confused): I don’t understand.
Father (about to put hot dog through doughnut): Let me explain-
Officer: Father! Go to her.
Father: Right (passes guy who hit his wife)
Guy: Tom, I’ll need a ride home.
(phone rings)its a big house and only one phone
hello
my precciouss
oh hi mom
*crayons hit wall* now, who the fuck threw that?
-Ah! I got you with the fake hand!
…Where are we? -No, not that tape.
1:) Get me the President! 2:) You are the President. 3:) Good. Then I already know about this. Let’s order lunch.
What happened? Where’s Cody? I don’t know, we were playing a fun game, then I looked down and *sees 5 of a kind dice* YAHTZEE! *jumps up, hits head, get’s knocked out*
A 3 letter word, the sound a cow makes… DUDE!!!
Alien : Our Satelite picked up a signal what we thought was pooty thang.
Alright now who the fuck did that
and for the native americans ,HI how are you ,hi how are you ,hi how are you
atleast they died serving for there country…send flowers to all there bitches and hoes.
Aww my poor little Brenda. Sge looks so peaceful… **Brenda looks like she’s just been scared to death…**
Becca:) Have you heard about this video tape? Kate :) The one where they do it on the boat? And then in the car? And then in the bathtub? and he’s like *Hey baby. I love you…* and she’s like *Where are we?* and did you see the size of his… Becca :) No. Not that tape.
brenda : Cindy this bitch is messing up my floor
Brenda: Cindy this white bitch is messin’ up my floor!
But its not to late to make an old man happy.
calm it down man
CINDY THE TV’s LEAKING!
CINDY THIS BITCH IS MESSIN UP MY FLOOR
Cindy your period starts in 3…..2…….1……..
Cindy: look it’s a- La’Quesha: Ginat ciggaret? Cindy: I was going to say Light House.
Cindy: So can you tell me about…
Aunt Shaneequa: The tape?
Cindy: Yes. I watched it and…
Aunt Shaneequa: The phone rang.
Cindy: Right. Then this voice said…
Aunt Shaneequa: That you would die in seven days.
Cindy: Okay, that’s getting…
Aunt Shaneequa: Extremely annoying.
Cindy: Yeah.
Orpheus: Try being married to her. I catch shit about women I ain’t slept with yet.
Cindy: So can you tell me about…
Aunt Shaneequa: The tape?
Cindy: Yes. I watched it and…
Aunt Shaneequa: The phone rang.
Cindy: Right. Then this voice said…
Aunt Shaneequa: That you would die in seven days.
Cindy: Okay, that’s getting…
Aunt Shaneequa: Extremely annoying.
Cindy: Yeah.
Orpheus: Try being married to her. I catch shit about women I ain’t slept with yet.
Cindy: your mother even cut your own abilical cord…well the second time, the first time she snipped your penis in half
Cody: My Penis?!?!
Cindy:yea
Cody: so thats why i pee up?
Cindy:yea they sewed it on upside down dont worry hunny we’ll get it fixed its on my list of things to do
Cindy: your mother even cut your own abilical cord…well the second time, the first time she snipped your penis in half Cody: My Penis?!?! Cindy:yea Cody: so thats why i pee up? Cindy:yea they sewed it on upside down dont worry hunny we’ll get it fixed its on my list of things to do
Cindy: your mother even cut your own abilical cord…well the second time, the first time she snipped your penis in half Cody: My Penis?!?! Cindy:yea Cody: so thats why i pee up? Cindy:yea they sewed it on upside down dont worry hunny we’ll get it fixed its on my list of things to do, right after we get Tevo
Cindy:) I’m looking for something more than just good sex. Brenda:) I know. You want commitment. Cindy:) No, I want great sex.
Cindy:) Something weird is going on at your farm. I know it.
George :) I don’t know what you’re talking about. Sometimes a sheep just needs to be pushed through the fence.
Cindy:we can be a real family together!! *samara lets go of Cody, then she turns into a cute little girl* samara: thank you, you have freed me from the curse. Cindy: really? samara: naa…im just screwin with ya!!
Cody to guy: some ones going to get lucky tonight.
to woman: he dosent now your a man.
Cody: Smoke all you want, you’re going to get hit by a bus.
crowd yells (JOE JOE JOE JOE!!)…little black guy says to rapper (now they are sayin GO GO GO!)
did you see this movie.
oh you mean the one where they do it in the boat then the car then the bathroom and the guys like hey baby i love you…
NO!
Don’t call me father, i’m not a priest anymore
Father (going to his wife, who’s pinned against a tree): Hey, Baby, how’s it going?
Wife: Oh, Tom, I’m dying.
Father: Shh, don’t talk like that.
Wife: Kiss me.
(They kiss)
Wife: Promise me you’ll never remarry.
Father: Yes, of course (hugging his wife with his eyes closed)
Wife: And no sex.
(Father’s eyes open)
Father: I’m sorry; I didn’t get that. What did you say.
Wife (saying repeatedly): No sex.
Father: Oh, Annie, you rambling, oh poor Annie.
Wife: NO SEX!
(Father closes her eyes)
Father: Oh, Annie, we hardly knew you.
Wife: Jesus Christ!
Father: That’s it, Honey, go into the light.
Wife: Look! Just tell George to swing away.
Father: Swing away, right.
Wife: Oh sure, THAT you understand!
FUCK YOU, NIGGER!!
George: How do you say goodbye? (alien kicks him in the balls)
Aliens: You think thats weird, you should see us pee!
George: I’ll be rappin I’ll be tappin I’ll be happen…ing Bing wing. Brenda: eugh. George: could, wood, hood. Brenda: if we say yes will u shut ur ass up.
George: Now everybody in the 202, throw your hands in the air ’cause Fat Joe is through / Now everybody in the 202, throw ’em up! Check it out / I’m a white boy, but my neck is red / I put miracle whip on my wonder bread / My face is pale, and I ain’t ever been in jail / Me and buddies spend every winter in Vale / How many bitches have I slapped? Zero. Uh! / And Martha Stewart happens to be my hero / I grew up on a farm and I was born with no rhythm / Dr. Phil’s my uncle and I like to hang with him / I can’t dance / I wear khaki pants / My middle name’s Lance / My Grandma’s from France / So maybe I’m whack / ‘Cause my skin ain’t black / But you can’t talk smack / ‘Cause whitey just struck back
George: You know your teacher, Miss Meeks?… SHE’S DEAD!!!!! Girl: AAAAH!!! George: DIED A HORRIBLE PAINFUL DEATH!! JUST LIKE YOUR DOG!!! Girl: MY DOG’S DEAD?!?!?! George: I JUST RAN HIM OVER WITH MY CAR!!!! EVERYONE YOU LOVE IS DYING!!!! Girl: AAAAH!!! George: AAAAH!!!
Both: AAAAH!!!
George: You should come watch me. I’ll be rapin ill be tapin, i’ll be happen…. ing, bling ching ding, Cindy: We should! George: Should would could hood mood. George leaves and kids throws crayolas at the door. Now who the fuck did that
GEORGE:I HAVE A DREAM! TOM:WHAT IS YOUR DREAM? GEORGE:TO HAVE A DREAM
Girl #1: Have you heard about this video tape-
Girl #2 (interrupting)- Where they do it in the car? And on the boat? And he’s all like Hey, Baby, I love you and she’s all like Like, where are we?
Girl #1: No, not that one.
Girl:AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Guy sits up in bed and hits his head on lamp knocking him out SAme thing happens 2 more times
Guy #1: I’m sorry, Dude
Guy #2: Don’t call me dude. I’m not a stoner anymore.
Hey All you bitches and hoes,the aliens talkout their ass and fart out their mouth
Hey who the fuck threw that!?
Hid the remote some crazy shit.
how do you spell that???
I can’t shut the tv off….that’s because the remote is backwards…..What should I do?!!…….I don’t know!!!!
i didn’t touch her i swear
I mean, are these things really that interesting? *pulls open shirt*
*reporters come and start taking pictures of Cindy’s boobs*
Cindy sighs
I’m a white boy but my neck is red I put Miracle Whip on my Wonder Bread…
It’s a boy, he’s going to be an asshole…
It’s on my list of things. Right after we get TiVo.
Lets block the door…..Oh My balls……Jesus…..
Listen lady i’m giving you seven fucking days, i could come over there and kill your ass right now!
Look, watch what happens to the taco.
mahalik : How the hell u gonna wake up dead?
Mahalik : i thought she had rats.
little guy : no man rats are outside mice are inside,
Mahalik : But what if a rat goes inside, does it become a mouse, and if a mouse goed outside it becomes a rat.
little guy : I’ve never seen a mouse outside
Mahalik : That’s because it’s a rat fool!
Mahlik: yo i hard jamal from 90th street wacthed that tape last week, this mornin he woke up dead…Shorty: man how the hell you wake up dead?Mahlik:Cause ur alive when u go to sleep.Shorty: so u tellin me u can go to bed dead and wake up alive?Mahlik:you cant go to bed dead man that shit would be redundant!!Shorty:no it wouldnt cause u can go to bed and not be dead, and u can die but not be in bed.Mahlik:but u are in the bed man thats how u wake up dead in the first place!:Shorty:Damn! thats some quantum shit right there man, you should be teachin classes.Mahlik:yea i kno man
Mahlik: Yo I heard Jamal from 90th street watched that tape last week, this mornin he woke up dead…
Shorty: Man how the hell you wake up dead?
Mahlik: Cause you’re alive when you go to sleep.
Shorty: So you tellin me you can go to bed dead and wake up alive?
Mahlik: You cant go to bed dead man that shit would be redundant!!
Shorty: No it wouldnt cause you can go to bed and not be dead, and you can die but not be in bed.
Mahlik: But you are in the bed man thats how you wake up dead in the first place!
Shorty: Damn! Thats some quantum shit right there man, you should be teachin classes!
Mahlik: Yea I know man
Newscaster: When you sleep with one person, you sleep with everyone they’ve ever slept with. Does that make you gay? Yes, yes it does.
Now how the fuck threw that?
Now who the fuck did that!
o come on! cindy the news is on. another little white girl fell down the well! 50 black ppl get their ass beat 2day, but the whole world gotta stop for one little whitey down the hole.
O come on!Cindy the news is on,another little white fell down a well!
50 black people get there ass beat by police 2day, but the whole world gotta stop for one more whitty down a hole.
o hell no this bitch is ruining my floor
oh my, well it was a long winter
Oh yes, fuck me harder, oh, I feel an orgasm going through my body, I am going to cum!
Oh your only saying that because im BLACK
Orpheus: [To Cindy] I believe this night, we will find…
La’Quesha: What are you still doing here?
Orpheus: Please La’Quesha, I’m prophesizing.
La’Quesha: Oh, I’m prophesizing my foot half way up your ass!
Phone dude: I’m a spokes person from readers digest with and exelent offer for CODY!
Cindy: pheww
Phone Dude: *snorts with laughter*
Cindy: No your not your that evil girl that wants to kill us!
President : Look the small ones have metal teeth, Lovely little kid’s MY ASS
President: These men died for their country. Send flowers to their bitches and hoes.
President:) Ah, good. The Air Force is here with those new round planes. SS man:)We don’t have round planes, sir.
Sayaman: I’m sorry, dude. Tom: Don’t call me dude. I haven’t been a stoner since-… (Mexican Hat Dance music plays faintly in the background)
She broke her weiner?
there’s plenty of room on linda for the both of us, and look, she vibrates.
they can master space flyine but they can’t open a wooden door?
TOM,Ill need a ride home!
Tom: Get the ram
(George rams it right into his nuts)
Tom: Oh, my balls!
(George hands him two bowling balls)
Tom: No! Jesus!
(George hands him a Jesus doll)
Tom: No, no, take it away!
Trooper:) Your faith will return. Just as sure as the sun will rise. Tom:) Sounds like a long shot.
U watch out for u and I’ll watch out for m-*bus door closes*
We loved our daughter very much, but she was evil. Made the horses crazy. Killed our puppies. Hid the remote. Really sick shit. My wife took her to the old family farm and drowned her in the well. I felt a simple time-out would have been sufficient.
We loved our daughter, but she was evil. Made the horses crazy, killed our puppies, hid the remote…really sick shit. My wife took her to the old family farm and drowned her in a well. I felt a simple time-out would have been saficent.
What have u done with my daughter-r u crazy, i am ur daughter-no ur not
Yeah, I’m in the hoooooooood!
Yo I’m a white rapper but my neck is red
I put Miracle Whip on my Wonder bread
You just hate me cause iam black
you just hate me cause im black!!!!
You just hate me cuz i’m black!
you stepped on my shoe bitch
You think that’s weird? Look at how we pee
your momma
Your period starts in 3—2—1.
Your Period starts in 3-2-1 cindy-OW!
[flying saucers appear in the sky]
President Harris: Oh, good, here comes those new round planes we ordered.
John Wilson: Uh, we don’t have round planes, sir.
Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Scary Movie 3’: Quotes from the movie ‘Scary Movie 3’
