1)You’ll be mine? You’ll give yourself to me every night, and sometimes right after lunch? 2) yes but only my body. You can never have my heart, my brain or my sole. 1) Oh yes of course, I respect that.
‘This never would have happened if your father was alive.’ ‘He’s dead?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘And my mother?’ ‘She died of pneumonia while…oh you were away.’ ‘My brothers?’ ‘They were all killed by the plague.’ ‘My dog, Pogo?’ ‘Run over by a carriage.’ ‘My goldfish, Goldie?’ ‘Eaten by the cat.’ ‘My cat?’ ‘Choked on the goldfish…But it’s good to be home, ain’t it?’
(1)This never would have happened if your father was alive (2)My father’s dead? (1)yes (2)And my mother? (1)She died of pnemonia while…oh, you were away.(2)My three brothers? (1)Died of the plague. (2)My dog Pogo? (1)Run over by a carriage. (2)My goldfish Goldie? (1) Eaten by the cat. (2)My cat? (1)Chocked on the goldfish, Oh, ain’t it great to be home?
(don giovanni pets his lizard)Sherriff:don, your lizard…it seems limp.Don:well you kno at my age…OH!oh u mean my PET lizard,charlie,he’s sleeping
(In the style of Malcolm X) Look at yourselves. Go on, look at you. People of Sherwood Forest, you’ve been had. Hoodwinked! Bamboozled! Run amuck. We didn’t land on Sherwood Forest, Sherwood Forest landed on us!
(Robin)Watch my back(Achoo) your back just got punched twice.
*croud throw veggies at Robin and Co* Blinkin: Oh, they’ve opened a salad bar!
1) Blinkin I’d like you to meet Achoo. 2) A Jew!? Here!? 1)No no no, not A JEW, ACHOO 3)Putter there man. 2)How do you do? 3)I’ve been better
1) Blinkin what are you doing up there? 2)I’m guessing… I’m guessing there’s no one comming. 1)Blinkin get down from there.. twit…2)*knocks over the ladder and falls to the ground* I can see! *runs into a tree* nope.. I guess I was wrong…
1) If you promise not to hurt this man , I shall do te most disgusting thing that I can think of . 2) Oh really ? And what’s that ?! 1) ..I shall marry you !
1) My goldfish, Goldie? 2) Eaten by the cat. 1) My cat? 2) Chocked on the goldfish.
1) Now all we need is a feat of strength. 2) That’s it! Now that you are hear, we have strength of feet! 1) Um… not following. 2) Follow my lead..
1) Now I am really pissed off.
2) Pissed off? If I was that close to a horses penis I’d be worried about getting pissed ON.
1) Oh , but my darling , your freezing . What are you wearing under that cape ? 2) Practically nothing . 1) Ohhh. 2) Oh . Except that . I forgot to tell you abou my chastity belt . It’s an everlast . 2) I’ll bet !
1) Oh thank you sir , I shall telol everyone I see , that there is one man in all of Rottingham , who is not afraid to stand up to the sherriff and his men . 2) yes tell them that . ANd tell the I vow to bring justice to this land ! Right the wrongs ! Introduce folk dancing . Demand a four day work week and affordable healthcare for saxons…
1) Promise me you won’t go! 2) Alright. I promise you won’t go.
1) Punishable by death. Where *have* you been?
2) Fighting with King Richard in the Crusades. *My* father couldn’t get me into the National Guard.
1) So are you with me yea or nay! 2) Uhh…which one means yes?? 1) ::sigh:: yea. 2) YEA!!!!!!
1) So what do you say, are you with me yay or nay? 2) Uh…which one means yes? 1) ::sigh:: yay 2) YAY!!!!!!!!!
1) They’ve taken the castle! 2) I thought it felt a bit drafty.
1)…all the way from Jersey. 2)Well, it is quite a drive.
1).There’s a foul plot afoot. 2).It’s not my feet, I just washed them!!!
1)and if theres anything you acquire please don’t hesitate to scream 2)ahhhhh!! 1)coming!! we’re so busy here!
1)And why should the people listen to you? 2)Because, I can speak with an english accent.
1)Do you believe in love at first site? 2)Well, it depends on what you’re looking at.
1)Do you know Praying Mantis? 2)You’re looking at him.
1)He’s decided to save his own life by betraying his king 2)Oh yeah..thats it…oh…damn my eyes!!
1)Hello Mrs. Of Loxely. 2)Mrs. Of Loxely. Oh I’m SO happy!
1)Hey Blinkin! 2) Did you just call me ‘Abe Lincoln?’
1)How do you feel? 2)I’m DYING, you idiot!
1)I always wanted to marry a cop! 2)Wait! I’ve changed my mind!
1)I heard that coming a mile away 2)Well done, Blinkin’ 1) What?? Who said that??
1)I hope she’s still wearing her iron underwear. 2)Yeah.
1)Maid Marion! Do you believe in love at first sight? 2)Depends on what you’re looking at. 1)Well?
1)Man, maybe we should send the dummies into battle. 2)Ha…hmm.
1)Nice shot, Achoo. 2)To tell the truth I was aiming for the hangman.
1)Shall I turn the key. 2)Yes, but be gentle. 1)Uh, darling? 2)What? 1)You’re not going to believe this. 2)What? 1)It won’t open. 2)WHAT!! 1)Wait…I have an idea. Call a locksmith! 3)Call a locksmith! 4)Call a locksmith! 5)Call a locksmith! 6)Call a locksmith!
1)such an unusual name…Latrine…how did your family come across it?? 2)we changed it in the 9th century 1)you mean you changed it to Latrine?? 2)yeah…used to be shithouse
1)Tell all and one and one and all- That’s a little redundant isn’t it ? 2) What ? 1) Shut up . Go tell every one that before the day is out : We shall have a wedding . Or a hanging . Either way we’re gonna have some fun !
1)There’s a foul plot afoot. 2)It’s not mine feet, I just vashed zem!
1)We have a wide assortment of fruits. Melons, coconuts, and dates. Would you care for a date? 2)Why, yes, thank you– 1)How bout next Thursday? HA ha ha!
1)What we need is a great feat of strength. 2)Au contrar. Now that you are here with me, what we have is a great strength of feet! 1)…don’t follow.
1)Wowee!! 2)I couldn’t have said it any better myself.
1)You haven’t seen the last of us! 2)(shoot arrows) 1)You’ve seen the last of us.
1)You’re alive! How do you feel? 2)Good, good. Surprisingly good yet, terribly depressed!
1-Blinkin!2-Uh be right out!! I could have swore there was a door there..1-Blinkin!2-Master Robin is that you?1-Yes2-Back from the cruisades?1-Yes2-And Alive?1-Yes.. 2-Oh happy day!.. Master Robin! You lost your arms in battle.. Oh how terrible. But you grew some nice boobs!1-Blinkin I’m over here.2-Oh uh.. later.1-Blinkin, they’ve taken the castle!2-I thought it felt a bit drafty..::sigh:: this never would have happened if your father was alive.1-He’s dead?2-Yes1-And my mother?2-She died of Pneumonia while.. oh you were away.1-My brothers?2-Taken by the plaque.1-My dog Pongo?2-Run over by a carriage.1-My goldfish goldie?2-Eaten by the cat.1-My cat?2-Choaked on the goldfish.. oh it’s good to be home ain’t it Master Robin?!
1. It IS the key to the greatest treasure in all the land. 2. Oh Robin, this means you’ve always been my one true love because it’s just the right size. 3. It’s not the size that counts. It’s how you use it!
1. Let’s go move it! Keep it going! Keep it going! 2.Stop the castle stop the castle! 1. (whistles) 2.I demand to know what is going on here. 1. Read it and weep.
1. Oh Robin, promise me you won’t go. 2. Alright, I promise you won’t go. 2. Oh, I’m so happy! 3. Hey Robin, you said… 2. Cool it! 3. Chilled.
1.) Now I’m really pissed off! 2.) If I was that close to a horse’s weiner, I’d be worried about getting pissed on! (laughs)
1.)Hey Abbot!! 2.) I hate that guy!!
1.)Hey Abbott! 2.) I hate that guy.
1.)What we need is a good feet of strength.
2.)…we have a good strength of feet.
1.Sire, I have news. 2.And what kind of news do you have? Not bad news is it? You know i can’t take bad news. the day started out so good; I had a good nights sleep, a good BM, I don’t want to hear any bad news. NOW what type of news is it? 1. Well to be perfectly frank, it’s bad. 2. I knew it! I knew it was bad news. Wait a minute, i have an idea. Maybe if you tell me the bad news in a good way, it won’t sound so bad….
1: I was mad at you before Loxlely, but now I’m furious! 2: pissed off? If I was that close to a horse’s weiner, I’d be worried about getting pissed on. I’ll pay for this….I mean you’ll pay for this
1: I was mad at you before Loxlely, but now I’m really pissed off! 2: pissed off? If I was that close to a horse’s weiner, I’d be worried about getting pissed on.
1:Bye Bye boys! 2:have fun storming the castle 1: think theyll make it? 2: itll take a miracle.
And(Shwing)nip the tip!
Rectum? damn near killed em
A chastity belt! Ugh, that’s really going to chafe my willy!
A horse, a horse. My kingdom for a horse!
A Patriot Arrow?
A Scene From Mel Brook’s Robin Hood: Men in Tights
Rabbi Tuckman: Moúle he’s a very important guy. He makes circumcisions.
Will: What prey tell, sir is a circumcision?
Rabbi Tuckman: Oh it’s the latest rage the ladies love it.
Will: Oh I want one
Little John: I’ll take two
Achoo: Put me down too man I’ll get one
Robin Hood: I’m game. How’s it done?
Rabbi Tuckman: It’s a snap. [Demonstrating with a carrot and a devise for cutting] I take my little machine. I take your little thing. See? I put it into this little hole here and… [the knife cuts the top of the carrot] nip the tip.
[Groans and moans can be heard from Robin Hood and his men]
Who’s first?
Little John: (in a panicked voice) I changed me mind!
Achoo: (obviously lying) I forgot man I already got mine.
Rabbi Tuckman: I got to work with a younger crowd.
A toll is a toll and a roll is a roll and if we don’t get no tolls then we don’t eat no rolls…made that up.
A toll is a toll. And a roll is a roll. And if we don’t get no tolls, we don’t eat no rolls. I made that up
A) A PRESENT TO YOU AND YOUR GUESTS. B) THATS A WILD BOAR!!!! A) NO NO THATS A WILD PIG (POINTS AT PRINCE JOHN) THATS A WILD BOAR. (SLAPS THE CHAIR) C) FUNNY, VERRY AMUSING.
Achoo is my son. He’s in England, your country. He’s an exchange student.
Achoo: Blinkin, what’s the fastest way to message the villagers?
Blinkin: Why don’t we fox em?!
Achoo: Fox em!
Little John: Fox em?
Will: Fox em.
(they release Mickey a twelfth century fox)
AcHoo: Hay Blinkin
Blinkin: Did you just say Abe Lincoln?
AcHoo: No I did not say Abe Lincoln, I said Hey Blinkin! Hold the reins man!
Achoo: This ain’t exactly the Mississippi. I’m on one side I’m on the other side. I’m on the east bank I’m on the west bank. It really isn’t that critical.
Robin: That’s not the point! It’s the principle of the thing!
Achoo:(After Robin fails to jump on the horse) Man, White men can’t jump!
Achooo…A jew, here?
Ahh…right rope!
AHHHHH, Master Robin…you’ve lost your arms in battle….but you’ve grown some nice boobs!
AMEN-AY!
And if there is anything that you need just scream, (loud scream from other room)coming, we are so busy.
And which King might that be?? King Richard, King Louie, Larry King???
Ay, Bilnkin! Did you just say Abe Lincoln? No, I sad AY BLINKIN!!
Because, unlike some other Robin Hoods, I can speak with an English accent. (crowd) OOOOHHH!!
before you do it
you must go through it
Before you do it, you must go through it. Or else I blew it.
Before you do it, you must go through it. or else i blew it (puff puff)
Blinkin! Fix your boobs! You look like a bloody Picasso!
Blinkin, fix your boobs you look like a bloody picasso!
Blinkin, fix your boobs! You look like a bleeding Picasso!
Blinkin: Robin is that you?
Robin: Yes Blinkin.
Blinkin: Back from the Crusades?
Robin: Yes Blinkin.
Blinkin: And Alive!?!?
Robin: Yes…Blinkin…
Blinkin: Robin, this river ain’t exactly the Mississippi. I’m on one side, I’m on the other! I’m on the east bank, I’m on the west bank. Its not that critical! Robin: Its not the point, its the principal ofthe thing
Bye! Au revoir! Adios! Ciao! Ting tao tay!
Crowd: A black sherrif? #2. Why not? It worked in Blazing Saddles.
Crowd: A BLACK SHERIFF! Black man: Haben’t you ever seen Blazing Saddles
Crowd: A black sheriff? Blinkin:(hits little John in the chest) He’s Black?!
Do you know Praying Mantis?
You’re looking at him.
Don Giovanni: Robin will be no more! Sheriff of Rottingham:By that you mean…? Don Giovanni: Let me put it simply…Robin, will be dead. D-E-D, Dead!
Don: He’s a mute, A few years ago, some guy cut out his tongue. Sheriff: Good Grief! Why?! Don: Well because he did this (sticks out tongue and puts his fingers in his ears) YAH-LAH-LAH!!!! And the guy didn’t like it so he cut out his tongue. (To the mute) Hey, do this. (Clucks his tongue) Heh heh heh, he can’t do it! But I love to tease him!
Don: We will make him…no more.
Rottingham: I’m afraid I don’t follow you.
Don: OK, you want plain English? Robin is gonna be DEAD. D-E-D..dead.
(evil laughter)
Fahrfenugen! If I vere you, I vould never do zat again!
Fegalas?
fix your boobs blinkin you look like a bleedy picasso
Fix your boobs, Blinken. You look like a bleeding Picasso.
fredric krugil!
Gentlemen of Sherwood Forest, lend me yours ears! (Ears are popped off and thrown.) That’s disgusting!
Good bye my dearest. Tootle-loo, auvoir, au feelsei, ciao,… ting tao tay.
Good people of England, lend me your ears (the crowd throws ears at Robin) That’s disgusting…
He deered to kill a king’s dare in the king’s forest.
He split Robin’s arrow in ‘tween!
He’s taking her to the tower. He’s gonna deflower her in the tower. Eww!
Hello Abbott…Hello…Welcome Abbott…Good Moro, Abbott…HEY ABBOTT…I hate that guy
hey Abat I hate that guy!
Hey Blinkin, fix your boobs man!!
Hey, what part of Georgia you from? South Central?
I always wanted to marry a cop!
I am Asneeze, father of Achoo
I can’t swim!
I challenge you to a duel. Mano e mano. Just you and me and my GUARDS!
I don’t like the way You’re Walking, You’ve been in the sacremental Wine again. You’re Ferschniket! You drunken mule, you.
I hope it’s worth all THE NOISE!!!!!!!!
I hope its worth the noise!!!
i hope she’s still wearing her iron underwear
I hope she’s still wearing her iron underwear.
i hope this is worth the noise!
I just told the boss the good news and i….and i…….IM IN DEEP SHIT!
I lost? Wait a minute, I’m not suppost to lose. Let me check my script.
I say, not until you pay da toll
I shall conduct the service in the New Latin. Ahem. *Chants* Oh Ordlay, iveusgay ouryay essingsblay. Amenay.
I should’ve never worn these shoes…they just don’t match my purse.
I tell you that tonight we shall have a wedding. Or a hanging. Either way we ought to have a lot of fun, huh?
I was angry at you before Loxely , but now i’m really PISSED OFF !!!…… Pissed off ? If I was that close to a horses weiner I’d be worried about getting Pissed ON
I’m not supposed to lose. Let me see the script.
I’ve got the hots for him (sticks out tounge) le-u-le-u-le-u
Is there anything i can do for u? Yeah you can get off me. Little john I panicked
It holds the key to the greatest treasure in the world, may I keep it?
It is the key to the greatest treasure in all the land!
It really is the key to the greatest treasure in all the land!
It’s what we call a Stealth catapult . We’ve been working on it secretly for months .
KIng , illegal , forest , pig , wild , kill , to , in ,it , a , is ?!?!?!?!?!!?!? …..WHat ? ……I mean : Don’t you know it is illegal to kill a wild pig in the king’s forest ?
king illegal forest to pig wild in it a is -I mean- don’t you know it is illegal to kill a wild pig in the kings forest??!!
King illegal forest to pig wild kill in it a is
King illegal forrest! To pig wild, kill in it a is!
LEAVE US ALONE MEL BROOKS!
Leave us alone Mel Brooks!!
Let’s get out of these ladies clothing, and get into our tights.
Little John: Let me introduce you to my best friend, Will Scarlett.
Will: Uh, Scarlett’s my middle name. My full name is Will Scarlett O’Hara. (Long pause) We’re from Georgia.
Maid Marian(singing in the bath): ‘Where is the man who carries the key, when will i hear him say Marian, marian, I cannot wait til he sets my heart free, o when will i no him, when will i see him, wen will i hear him say Marian my LOVE.’ Brumhilda: ‘Hurry up mind lady, you better get out of that tub before that thing begins to RUST!’ Marian stands up and you see an iron Chastity belt!!!!
Maid Marion: oh Rrrrrrrrrobin, i’m sooo hepppayy!
Maid Marrion: Oh, Robin! I’m so Happy!
Man, we didn’t land on Sherwood forrest. Sherwood Forrest landed on us!
Man…White man can’t jump!
Man: Oh, if only it were me. Woman: Oh, but if it were you, it would be, twerrific.
Maybe if you tell me the bad news in a good way, it won’t sound as bad!
Mervin, your name is Mervin? Oh get on with it! Alright, Mervin.
Mervin? Your name is Mervin?
Mind the big rocks!
Mine lady, get out of zere before zat thing rusts!
Mono a mono, man to man. Just you and me, and …. my GUARDS!!!
My enemies cut out his tongue! Because he did like this…NA NA NA NA NA!
My full name is Will Scarlett OHara
My name is Little John, but don’t let my name fool you. In real life, I’m very big.
My name’s Will Scarlett O’hara. . . .we’re from Georgia. (What part of Georgia you from? South Central?)
No ding ding before the wedding ring
No that’s a wild pig. THAT’S a wild boar!
oh dear lord if you see fit to send me my one true love (crash) THANK YOU! here let me work my magic on you..he leaves..OOOHH bugger..I was that close..i touched IT
Oh if you twere, twould be twererific
Oh Master! You’ve lost your arms in battle…..but you grew some nice boobs!
Oh shit…! (Blinkin falling off the damn ladder)
Oh, but this is sacramental wine. It’s only used to bless things…wait a minute. There’s things here, there’s trees, there’s rocks, theirs squirrels, lets bless them all untill we get fershnicken!
Oh, dear God, if you see it fit to bring me my true love… Thank You!
ok blow, not blow…BLOW!!
Opp ! That happy little Bluebird : has left a happy little doo-doo on your hand !
over that boy hand
Over that boy hand !…..god . HAND over THAT boy
Over that boy hand!
Parry, Parry, Thrust, Thrust, REVERSE!
pissed off? if i was that close to a horses wiener i’d be worried about getting pissed on!
Prince John: And why should the people listen to you?
Robin Hood: Because, unlike some other Robin Hoods, I can speak with an English accent.
Prince John: I hope it’s worth the NOISE
Princess: *Sitting in bathtub naked singning* I wish i had a lad… a fine young lad one who wou- *Camera Crashes through window* *Voice Of Reporter* YEH! WE GOT IT!
Rabbi Tuckman:im afraid this is sacramental wine,used for blessing.(pauses)BUT!there are things here…there are trees,and birds,and rocks,and squirrels, so lets bless things til we get forschnickered!
Rabi Tuckman:…and just nip the tip! (Chorus of groans from men)
Blinkin: Question!?
Robin Hood: Oh, it only it twer me! Maid Marian: Oh! If it twer you, it would be…tweriffic!
Robin: Allow me to introduce my friends. Over there is Blinkin’, and this is Achoo.
Little John: Bless you!
Achoo: That’s my name, man, Achoo.
Robin: Blinkin this is Achoo.
Blinkin: A jew, here?
robin: hey achoo watch my back. (starts getting hit)
achoo: yep your backs getting beet up.
raobin: why thank you i noticed!
Robin: Jump when i say ready
wait for it………
JUMP!
RUN FLOREST! RUN!
Sheriff-I Challenge you to a duel (Smack) Robin-I accept (Clang!)
Sheriff: That’s a wild boar. Robin: No, No that’s a wild pig…(jestering to Prince John)THAT’S a wild bore
Soldiers: singing ‘Da na, da na danananananana’ Sheriff: Shut up you bloody fools!!!
Struckly has Loxed again!
That happy little bird, left a happy little do do on your hand.
that little happy little blue bird, left a happy little doo doo on your hand!
The night is young and you’re so beautiful, lady! Open your heart to me!
The rest of you gentlemen can bugger off!
There’s a foul plot afoot!
This is Achoo
A jew here?
No not a jew, Achoo.
this is sacramental whine……wait we’ll bless the trees the rocks and the squirrles till we get fershnicken
Time out- im running out of air
Time out…excuse me bad guys but I am running out of air…gotta get pumped (pumping)…alright honkies…time in!!
Toodle-ooh!… Au revoir!… Auf verdisen!… Ciao!… Cheng dahn dai!…
Ve’ll have to remodel ze castle, to make room for all ze babies!
Villagers, lend me your ears. (throw ears at him) That’s disgusting!
Wasn’t your mole on the other side ?…….. I have A MOLE ?!?!?!?
We may look like pansies! but don’t get us wrong, or else we’ll put out your lights
We may ook like pansies! but don’t get us wrong, or else we’ll put out your lights
We’ll drink `till we’re firshnickin!
We’re me, We’re men in tights! We roam around the forst looking for fights
We’re men we’re men in tights. We rome around the forest looking for fights. we’re men we’re me in TIGHTS. we rob from the rich and give to the poor that’s right! we may look like sissys. but watch what you say or else we’ll put out your lights. we’re men we’re men in tights. always on guard defnding the peoples rights! La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la. we’re men, manly men, were men in tights, yea! we rome arond the forest looking for fights. we’re men we’re men in TIGHTS. we rob from the rich and give to the poor, that’s right! we may look like pansies. but don’t get us wrong or else we’ll put out your lights. we’re men we’re men in TIGHTS! tight tights! always on guard defending the people’s rights. When your in a fix just call for the men in tights. WE’RE BUTCH!
we’re men, we’re men in tights (tight tights!)
We’re men… we’re men in tights
We roam around the forest looking for fights.
We’re men… we’re men in tights.
We rob from the rich and give to the poor, that’s right.
We may look like sissys,
but watch what you say or else we’ll put out your lights. (bang)
We’re men… we’re men in tights
always on guard defending the peoples rights.
(Can can music)
la la la la la la la la la, la la la la la la la la la…
lalalalalalala (repeat).
We’re men..manly men
We’re men in tights, yes (with lisp)
We roam around the forest looking for fights.
We’re men, we’re men in tights
We rob from the rich and give to the poor that’s right.
We may look like pansies,
but don’t get us wrong or else we’ll put out your lights. (bang)
We’re men… we’re men in tights (tight tights)
Always on guard defending the peoples rights
When your in a fix just call for the men in tights.
We’re men…we’re men in tights….we go around the forest looking for fights….we’re men….we’re men in tights…..TIGHT TIGHTS! Always on guard defending the peoples’ rights….. LALALALALALALALALALALALA LALALALALALALA……..We’re men….manly men….we’re men in tights…..
We’ve been friends for a long time, England and Jersey.
What a smoothie… This guy’s definitly a smoothie…
What are you in for? Jaywalking.
What part of Georgia you from? South Central?
You bettergo, or you’ll miss the tide!
You have surrounded your name with a foul stench! From now on, all the toilets in the land will be known as…JOHNS!
You know , this wasn’t a very smart thing to do . I’LL PAY FOR THIS ……..YOU’LL PAY FOR THIS
you know what they say… no noose is good noose, a huck yuck
you mean you change your name to Latrine? Yeah it used to be shit house! It’s a good change it’s a good change!
YOU SWEAR WE MOVE!!!
You’ll give yourself to me every night? And sometimes right after lunch?
Your father wanted me to give you this. He said it holds the key to the greatest treasure in all the land. May I keep it?
Ze’s castles are so drafty…Ah, toasty varm!
Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Robin Hood: Men in Tights’: Quotes from the movie ‘Robin Hood: Men in Tights’
