And I really don’t care for the way your company left me in the middle of fucking nowhere with fucking keys to a fucking car that isn’t fucking there. And I really didn’t care to fucking walk down a fucking highway and across a fucking runway to get back here to have you smile at my fucking face. I want a fucking car Right Fucking Now!
#1-Del Griffith! How the hell are ya? #2-Well, I’m still a million bucks shy of bein’ a millionaire.
#1-I’m to drive you to Wichita to catch a train? #2-Yeah, we’d appreciate it. #1-Train don’t run out of Wichita…unlessin’ you’re a hog or a cattle. People train runs out of Stubbville.
(Del) I gotta slight problem, I don’t quite have the $42.50. (Motel assistant) Do you have 17 dollars and a good watch? (Del) …no I don’t, I have 4 dollars…and…and a casio.
(in the shower)Oh, COME OOONNNN!!!!!!!
(NIEL) Please I’m begging you, have mercy, I’ve been wearing the same underwear since Tuesday. (DEL) I can vouch for that.
***White Lincoln Town Car C-5***
(bus driver says in heavy southern accent) —-when dropping off Steve Martin in the Marathon rental car parking lot. Hilarious!!!
–Del Griffith! How the hell are you?
–Well, I’m still a million bucks shy of being a millionaire.
–Gus, I’d like you to meet an old friend of mine. This is Neal Page from Chicago. Neal, this is Gus Mooney.
–Hi.
–Glad to meet you, Nick.
–Happy Holidays.
–Same to you.
–I’m to drive you to Wichita to catch a train?
–Yeah, we’d appreciate it.
–Train don’t run out of Wichita…unlessin’ you’re a hog or a cattle…People train runs out of Stubbville.
–What do you think the temperature is?
–One.
–You the shower curtain ring fella?
–Yes.
–Catching a train to Wichita?
–Yes.
–Train don’t run outta Wichita. Train run outta Stubbville.
–You’re a thief!
–Close, I’m a lawyer.
-Welcome to Marathon, may I help you?
-Yes.
-Well, How may I help you?
-You can start by wiping that fucking dumb-ass smile off your rosy fucking cheeks. And you can give a fucking automobile. A fucking Buick, a fucking Datson, a fucking Toyota . . four fucking wheels and a seat!
-I really don’t care for the way you’re speaking to me.
-And I don’t really care for the way your company left me in the middle of fucking nowhere with fucking keys to a fucking car that isn’t fucking there. And I really don’t care to walk across a fucking highway and across a fucking runway just to get back here and have you smile at my fucking face. I want a fucking car, right, fucking, now.
-May I see your rental agreement?
-I threw it away.
-Oh boy.
-OH BOY WHAT…
-YOU’RE FUCKED!
1)Del, why did you just kiss my ear? 2)Why are you holding my hand? 1)Where’s your other hand? 2)Between two pillows. 1)THOSE AREN’T PILLOWS!
1. Cab.
2. Okay. Where are ya goin?
1. Chicago.
2. Chicago? You know you’re in St. Louis?
1. Yes, I do.
2. Why don’t you take a plane? It’s a lot faster.
1. If I wanted a joke I’d follow you into the john and watch you take a leak. Now, are you going to help me oor are you going to stand there like a slab of meat with mittens?
1. Cab.
2. Okay. Where are ya goin?
1. Chicago.
2. Chicago? You know you’re in St. Louis?
1. Yes, I do.
2. Why don’t you take a plane? It’s a lot faster.
1. If I wanted a joke I’d follow you into the john and watch you take a leak. Now, are you going to help me or are you going to stand there like a slab of meat with mittens?
1. Can I help you? 2. You can start by wiping that smile off your fucking rosey cheeks!
1. Do you feel this vehicle is safe for highway travel?
2. Yes I do. Yes I do.
1. Want a beer?
2. It’s nine o’clock in the morning.
1…..(confused look)…..Scotch?
1. Want a beer?
2. It’s nine o’clock in the morning.
3….(confused look)…..Scotch?
1: Count it! There’s 263 dollars in there. If there’s a dollar more, THEN you can call me a thief!
2: Empty.
1: What?!? We’ve been robbed!!
2: Do ya think so?!?
1: what do you think the temperature is? 2: one.
6 bucks and my right nut says we’re not landing in chicago
Why do I feel like I’m at summer camp?
I haven’t been home for years.
I like me. My wife likes me.
(Couple making out on the bus while Neil stares) {1} Why dont you take a picture? It lasts longer. Dell- HAHAAAH OoOO That was a good one.
A) What do you think the temperature is? B) About…one.
At the very least, the bare minimum, you have a woman you love to grow old with.
Attendant: Why don’t you take the airline? It’s faster and you get a free meal. Neal: If I wanted a joke, I’d follow you into the john and watch you take a leak.
Awww, My dogs are barkin’
can’t remember exactly but if you can please modify – i came here to look for it
del griffith, DON’T Remember this part, Shower Curtain Ring Sales Division …. help me!
Cop to Neil and Dell: What the hell are you driving here?
Del Griffith:I’ve never seen anybody been picked up by their testicles before.
Del: I’m sorry. I had no idea those beer cans were gonna blow up like that.
Neil: You left them on a vibrating bed. What did you think would happen?
Del: Top of the morning officer, Is there something I can help you with?
Officer: What the hell are you driving here?
Del: We had a small fire last night…hee…heee. but we caught it in the nick of time.
Officer: You have any idea how fast you were going?
Del: Fondly enough I was just talking to my friend about that….our speedometer is melted….and as a result it’s very hard to say with any degree of accuracy how fast we were going.
Officer: 78 miles per hour.
Del: Whew….78 huh? Well…yeah….I could buy that…sure I guess…you know…uhhh…you’d know better than us uuhhh….especially since we’ve got a melted speedometer.
Officer: Do you feel this vehicle is safe for highway travel?
Del: Yes I do….Yes I really do…I believe that….I know it’s not pretty to look at….but It’ll get you where you want to go.
Officer: Now you have no outside mirror.
Del: No we lost that.
Officer: You have no functioning gauges.
Del: No…not a one. However the radio still works…funny as that may seem…with all this mess the radio is the only thing really working good. Clear as a bell, don’t ask me how.
Officer: Can’t let you go ahead in this vehicle.
Del: Can’t what?
Officer: No…It’s not fit for the road. The vehicle will be impounded until such time as it can be made worthy for state highway travel.
Del: Okay officer…I admit it…I broke the law….and for that I’m really sorry….I am it’ll never happen again. You got me there and I won’t argue with you one ioda. I swear, however, if you impound our car I’ll be unable to get our friend here home for Thankgiving dinner.
Del: You call the wife?
Neal: No one was home… probably at my daughters thanksgiving pageant.
Del: Oh no… you missed it? I’m sorry, those are the prescious moments too… they don’t come back again.
Neal: I’ve been spending too much time away from home.
Del: I haven’t been home in years
Neal: what seriously?
Del: No it’s a figure of speech you know cuz I’m on the road so much
Del: You play with your balls alot.
Neal: Oh really?
Del: Yeah, you do more ballhandling in one minute than Larry Bird does in an hour.
Neal: You know what I’d really like?
Del: A couple of more hands and an extra set of balls?
Dell: We were robbed! Neil: No!
Dell:We have a better chance of playing pick up sticks with our bum cheeks than landing in chicogo
Everything is not an anecdote. You have to discriminate between things that are funny, or slightly amusing. You’re a miracle. Your stories have none of that! They’re not even amusing accidentally!
give him the god damn gloves!!!
Go to Jamacia mon, get some rum!
Gobble Gobble
had this friend once she was a cook on the plane and she was cutting carrots one night and she sliced the tup of her finger right off she looked in the pot looked in the pot and never could find it they are not sure but they think that it might have been servred on a singapore run
Have a point!
Her last kid, came out sideways. She didn’t scream or nothing.
hey brad powell go fuck yourself….. that quotes from mr. mom you dumb shit…. SUCK MY COCK
I could take any insurance seminar, for days i could sit there with a big smile on my face and listen to them go on and on,and they’d say how can you stand it, and id say cos i’ve been wih del griffith i can take anything, and do you know what they’d say, the shower curtain ring guy, wow!
I could take any insurance seminar. For days I could sit there listening to them go on and on with a big smile on my face. And they’d say, How can ya stand it? Cuz I’ve been with Del Griffith! i can take ANYTHING. ANd a aknow what they’d say, i know what ya mean, the shower curtian ring guy, woah!
I do’nt wish to breathe your foot odor!!!!!
Oh,it’s so perfect to be odor free,there are some things about you that bother me.
I hope you wake up so stiff you can’t even move!
I know you don’t I ? I’m normally very good with names, but I’ll be damned if I haven’t forgotten yours
I like me, my wife likes me, my customers like me.
I sell shower curtain rings. Best in the business.
I’ll see you on the train.
If I don’t clear my sinuses, I’ll snoar all night.
If I wanted a joke I’d follow you into the john and watch you take a leak … Now are you gonna help me or are you gonna stand there like a slab of meat with mittens?
If I wanted a joke, I’d follow you into the john and watch you take a leak.
If they told you wolverines would make good house pets, would you believe them?
is that your trunk? yeah, you should try lugging that thing around New York
Let me make it up to you somehow, eh? How ’bout a nice hot dog and a beer?
Love…is not a big enough word. It’s not a big enough word for how I feel about my wife.
Lovely Lovely
Man: Anyone who’d pay 50 would certainly pay 75.
Neal: Not Necessarily….alright…your a thief!
Man: Close…i’m an attorney!
marketing huh? super .. super.. isn’t that nice.
My dogs are really barking today.
Neal — I got a VISA and a gas card. Oh, and I’ve got a Neiman Marcus card in case we want to buy a gift. What do you have? Dell — Chalmers Big and Tall Shop. It’s a 7 store chain in the Pacific Northwest. Great stuff. Unfortunately it does us no good HERE.
Neal-You stole it! Del-I thought you put it there! Neal- Why would i put it there? Del-Kindness….
Neal: If I wanted a joke I’d follow you into the john and watch you take a leak!!
Neal: Three coins in a fountain, each one seeking happiness….no….thrown by three hopeful lovers….nobody know that one??
Del: Flintstones! We’re the Flintstones…..
Neil to bus passengers: Three coins in a fountain, each one seeking happiness…
Neil:I have a Niemun Marcus card, in case you want to get a nice gift for someone, how about you? Del:Chalmer’s Big and Tall, it’s a 7 outlet chain in the pacific north west. Great stuff, unfortunately it does us no good here.
Now’s as probably as good a time as any, but I need to tell you our tickets are only good through St. Louis.
odds are we’ll be having our turkey roll right here
Potato chips…They’re Everywhere!!
She’s short and skinny, but she’s strong. Her first baby come out sideways – she didn’t scream or nuttin.
She’s strong. Baby came out sideways, she didn’t scream or nothin’!
Simple. There’s no way on earth we’re gonna get outta here tonight. We’d have more luck playing pick-up-sticks with our butt cheeks than we will getiin’ a flight outta here before daybreak.
St.Loius yes.
State Trooper: What the hell you driving here?
Those aren’t pillows!
Three coins in a fountain…Flinstones meet the Flinstones…
Tied up tighter than tom thumbs ass
Train don’t run out of Witchita. Lessen’ you’re a cattle or a hog.
Train don’t run through Wichita unless you’re a pig or cattle. People train runs through Stubbville.
trains dont run out of whichita. trains run out of stubbville
Trooper: Sir, Do you believe this vehicle is safe for highway travel?
Del: Yes, I do. Yes, I really do. I believe that. I know its not pretty to look at, but it’ll get you where you want to go…
Uh….these aren’t credit cards.
Umm….Would you like a room?
we can laugh about it now cuz we’re OK
We’d have better luck playing Pick-up Sticks with our butt cheeks.
We’d have more luck playing pick-up sticks with our butt-cheeks than we will getting a flight out of here before daybreak.
We’re going the wrong way? How does he know where were going?
Well I really don’t appriciate the way your company left me in the middle of fucking nowhere, with fucking keys to a fucking car that’s not even fucking there. I want a fucking car, right fucking now.
What’re you doing? I almost crushed your head like a melon!
When you’re telling a story, here’s an idea – have a point. It makes it so much more interesting for the listener.
Whew! My dogs are barkin’ tonight!
Why Do’nt you try the airlines ? ,alot faster and you get a free meal.
If I were in the mood for a joke,I’d follow you into the john and watch you take a leak,now are you going to help me or stand there like a slab of meat with mittens.
Why don`t you take a picture it lasts longer
Wow, isn’t that something, your a real trooper.
You are going the wrong way!!!
How does that drunk know where we are going??
You can start by wiping that fucking dumb ass smile off of you’re rosey fucking cheeks. Then you can give me a fucking automobile, a fucking donza, a fucking toyota a fuck buick, four fucking wheels and a seat. I really don’t care for the way you’re fucking company left me in the middle of fucking nowhere with fucking keys to a fucking car that isn’t fucking there. And I really don’t care to fucking walk down a fucking highway, and across a fucking runway. To get back here and have you smile at my fucking face. I want a fucking car, right fucking now.
YOu guys don’t know the movie!!!!!! Many errors. In the one about the vehicle that was not present= you missed Mustang. In the one about the playing with the balls you missed the : I do not… play with my balls. Candy: Larry Byrd doesn’t do as much ball handling in a night as you do in an hour. Martin: You know what would make me happy? Candy: A couple more balls and an extra set of fingers? HAHA Martin: Funny that’s real funny… no what I’d like is for you to give your mouth a rest.
THERE IT IS HOMOS. YOU GUYS WANNA QUOTE A MOVIE? QUOTE ONE YOU KNOW!!!! WE KNOW THIS MOVIE BETTER THAN ANY OF YOU JACKASSES. EMAIL ME IF YOU WANT MORE: manlyman34@hotmail.com
You know… you know when you’re telling these little stories? Here’s a good idea: have a point. It makes it so much more interesting for the listener!
You the Shower Curtain Fellow YES do you need me to take you to wichita yes that would be great but train don’t go out of wichita unless your a hog or a cattle nose sounds- You have to go to studvillve if you people
You want to hurt me? Go right ahead if it makes you feel any better, I’m an easy target. You’re right, I talk to much but I listen to much. I could be a cold hearted cynic like you but I don’t like to hurt people’s feelings. Oh you say what you want about me but I not changing. I like me, my wife likes me, my customers like me because I’m the real thing, what you see is what you get.
You’d have better luck playing pick-up sticks with your butt cheeks than getting out of this airport brfore daybreak!
you’ll never make the 6
You’re a real trooper.
You’re Going the Wrong Way, How do they know where we’re going. Signals a Bottle of booze…… I use that one all the time
you’re going the wrong way… you’re going to kill somebody… thank you… thanks alot!
You’re like a chatty Cathy doll. You probably have a little string on your chest that I have to pull and snap back. Only I won’t pull it, YOU will! Ack! Ack! Ack! Ack!
You’re no saint, you get a free cab you get a free room, and someone who’ll listen to you’re boring stories. Didnt you get on plane, when you started talking, eventually i started reading the vomit bag. Didnt that give you some sort of clue, like this guys not enjoying it.You say things which are funny or mildly amousing or interesting, you’re a miricle. Your stories have none of that, there not even amousing accidentally. Hey honey i like you to meet Dale Griffith shower curtain ring guy hes got got some amousing anicdotes for you, oh here is a gun so you’ll blow you’re brains out you thank me for it. its like going on a date with a chaddy cathhy doll, i’d expect youd have a string so ill pull out and snap back except i would’nt pull it out and snap it back you would,BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.You know next time you tell one of you’re stories, here’s a good idea have a point it makes it so much more interesting for the listener.
Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Planes, Trains and Automobiles’: Quotes from the movie ‘Planes, Trains and Automobiles’
