Movie Quotes from Men in Black: Quotes from the movie Men in Black

Why the big secret? People are smart, they can handle it. A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky, dangerous animals and you know it.

#1)All right, I’m in, because there’s some next-level shit going on here, and I’m with that. But before y’all beam me up, there’s a few things to understand. First off, you chose me, so you recognize the skills. I don’t want nobody calling me ‘son’ or ‘kid’ or ‘sport’. Cool? #2)Whatever you say, slick. But I need to tell you something about all your skills. As of right now… they mean precisely… dick.

#1)Why is it that no other officers saw either of these events? #2)Some other officers are soggy around the midsection. I guess that’s why they couldn’t keep up. #3)If you were half the man I am– #2)What the hell? I am HALF the man you are.

#1- Edgar what in the world was that? #2- Sugar. #1- I never seen sugar do that before.

#1- What’s so funny Edwards? #2- Your boy Captain America over here, best of the best of the best Sir!… with honors.

#1.When was the last time you had a CAT scan?
#2.About six months ago, it’s company policy.
#1.Right, you should make another appointment.

(1)How many times have you flashy-thinged that poor woman?
(2)Couple.
(1)So, what you not worried about no long-term damage?
(2)Little.
(1)Hey, Kay, have you ever flashy-thinged me?
(2)No.
(1)I ain’t playing with you Kay. Have you ever flashy-thinged me?
(2)No.

(1)Is this some kind of joke?
(2)No Ma’am, we at the FBI do not have a sense of humor that we are aware of.

(1)Let’s put it on.
(2)Put what on?
(1)The last suit you’ll ever wear.

(1)So, you just flash that thing, it erases her memory, and you just make up a new one?
(2)Standard issue neuralyzer.
(1)And, that weak-ass story is the best you can come-up with?

(1)The way I hear it, Jeebsy, you’re into something a little hotter than some stolen Rolexes.
(2)Well, I’m a huge crack dealer now, but I still work here because I love the hours.

(1)The way I hear it, Jeebsy, you’re into something a little hotter than some stolen Rolexes. (2)Well, I’m a huge crack dealer now, but I still work here because I love the hours.

(1)Well you know what they say, Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
(2)Try it.

(1)What is it, A?
(2)You get your big butt back in the house!

(1)When do I get my own flashy-little-memory-messier-upper-thing?
(2)When you grow up.

(1)Who are you, really?
(2)Really? I am just a figment of your imagination.

(Woman) What the heck was it, Edgar? (Edgar) Sugar. (Woman) I’ve never seen sugar do that.

1) Have you ever flashy-thinged me? 2) No 1) I ain’t playin’ have you ever flashy thinged me? 2) No

1) I don’t suppose you know what kind of alien lifeform craves sugar water and leaves a green spectral trail. 2) Man that was on Final Jeopardy last night.

1) If you were half the man I was 2) What you talkin’ about? I AM half the man that you are

1) Notice anything strange? Stomach, liver, lungs….. 2) Nope, all fine. 1) Doctor, they’re all missing.

1) The high consulate from Solaxiant Nine wants floor seats for the Nicks-Bulls game. 2) All right lets put in a call to Dennis Rodman, he’s from that planet. 1) Rodman you’re kidding? 2) Nope 1) Not much of a disguise.

1) You know what they say, it’s better to have loved and to have lost than to have never loved at all.
2) Try it.

1)Oh, well, you know what they say, ‘It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
2)Try it.

1)Who are you? 2)Right now, I am just a figment of your imagination

1. All right, Beatrice, there was no alien. The flash of light you saw in the sky was not a UFO. Swamp gas from a weather balloon was trapped in a thermal pocket and reflected the light from Venus. 2. Wait a minute. You just flash that thing, it erases her memory, and you just make up a new one? 1. A standard issue neuralyzer. 2. And that weak-ass story’s the best you can come up with?

1. Arquillian battle rules: first we get an ultimatum, then a warning shot, then a galactic standard week to respond. 2. A galactic standard week? How long is that? 1. One hour.

1. Did you ever flashy thing me? 2. No. 1. I ain’t playing, K. Did you ever flashy thing me? 2. No.

1. Place projectile weapon on the ground. 2. You can have my gun when you pry it from my cold dead fingers. 1. Your proposal is accepted.

1. Put your projectile weapon on the ground. 2. You can have my gun when you pry it from my cold dead hands. 3. Your proposition is acceptable.

1. Roaches check in (click) 2. But they don’t check out

1. See ya around, Jay. 2. No, you won’t.

1. Set for pulsar level five, subsonic implosion factor two. 2. What? 1. Just shoot the damn thing!

1. So, you tired of being a llama? 2. Yes-s-s-s.

1. There are approximately 1500 aliens in Manhattan. 2. Cab drivers? 1. Not as many as you think.

1. We should contact Dennis Rodman, he’s from that planet. 2. Rodman? You’re kidding! …Not a very good disguise.

1. What’s with the cat? 2. Well, there’s a problem with the cat. Sign here. 1. [signing] What’s the problem with the cat? 2. It’s your problem.

1. Why the big secret? People are smart, they can handle it. 2. A *person* is smart. People are dumb, panicky, dangerous animals and you know it.

1. You here to make fun of me too? 2. No, ma’am. We at the FBI do not have a sense of humor we’re aware of. May we come in? 1. Sure.

1. You sold a reverberating carbonizer with mutate capacity to an unlicensed cephalopoid, Jeebs! 2. He looked alright to me.

1. Zed, don’t you guys ever get any sleep around here? 2. The twins keep us on Centaurian time, standard thirty-seven hour day. Give it a few months. You’ll get used to it, or you’ll have a psychotic episode.

10 minutes ago, you knew people were alone on this planet

1000 years ago everyone knew the earth was the centre of the universe. 500 years ago everyone knew the earth was flat, and 15 minutes ago you knew that humans were alone on this planet. Imagine what we’ll know tomorrow.

1:You do know elvis is dead right? 2:No… Elvis is NOT dead he just went home!

1: Whats so funny?
2: Captain America over here…best of the best of the best…SIR!…With honours…Hes all excited and he doesnt have a clue why we’re here. I just find that funny…but you’re not laughing…

Jeebs: Do you have any idea how much that stings?!

(after getting his head blown off) Jack Jeebs: You insensitive prick! Do you have any idea how much that hurts?

-after a woman gives birth to a squid-
K: Did any of that seem unusual to you?

-crunch-
J: Well well. Big Bad Bug got a bit of a soft spot. Oh I’m sorry, was that your auntie? Then that means this should be your uncle over here.
-crunch-
J: They all look alike to me.

[Bug in Edgar Suit is in the City Morgue and is ringing the bell for service several times.]
Man at Morgue: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for makin’ sure the bell works.
[He takes bell away from Edgar.]

[Bug in Edgar Suit in the City Morgue and has hit the bell for service several times.]
Man at Morgue: Thank you, thank you. Thank you for makin’ sure the bell works.

A person is smart; people are dumb panicky dangerous animals and you know it.

Agent K: Don’t Sir me, young man, you have no idea who you’re dealing with.

Alien: HEEEY, this is my truck!!
Man: Yeh, an’ make sure ya tell ’em that down at the impound!

Anonymity is your name. Silence your native tongue. You’re no longer part of the system. You are above the system. Over it. Beyond it. You’re them. You’re they. We are the men in black!

aren’t they beautiful? what? the stars I never stop to look at them anymore.

As of right now those skills mean precisely dick

Beatrice: Ed, your skin his hanging off your bones Edgar: Oh yeah, (pulls skin back to show the outline of his skull) Is that better? (Beatrice faints)

Beatrice: Edgar, what on Earth was that? Edgar: Sugar. Beatrice: I’ve never seen Sugar do that.

better get out my face ‘fore somethin bad happens to ya…..too late

cghgc

Congratulations, Reg’, it’s a . . . squid.

Cuz we’re the best of the best of the best Sir! With honors! Captain America over here, with NO idea why we’re here. He’s all excited. Sorry I found that rather funny, but y’all ain’t laughin.

damn that was on final jeopardy last night

did any of that sem unusual to you

did he say anything? yeah he said that the world was gonna end. did he say when?

did he say anything? yeah he said the world was gonna end. did he say when?

don’t suppose you know what kind of alien lifeform craves sugar water and leaves a green spectral trail

Don’t touch the red button.

Dont yes sir me cause you have no idea who your messing with!

Dr. . . . uh, whatever, come here.

Edgar, your skin is hanging off your bones.

Edgar,your skin is hangin’off your bones

Edgar: I go out, I work my butt off to make a living, all I wan’t is to come home to a nice clean house, with a nice fat steak on the table, but instead I get this. It looks like poison. Don’t you take that away! I’m eating that damn it! It is poison, isn’t it?! I swear to God, I would not be suprised if it was, the way you sculk around here like a dog who has been hit too much or hasn’t been hit enough, I can’t make up my mind. Your useless, Beatrice. The only thing that pulls it’s weight around here is my god-damn truck! (truck explodes)

edwards if you were half the man I am…what are you talking about I AM half the man you are

Ever pull the wing off a fly? Care to see the fly get even?

Fifteen hundred years ago everyone knew the world was the center of the universe. Five hundred years ago, eveyone knew the earth was flat, adn fifteen mintues ago you KNEW we were alone on this planet. Imagine what you’ll know tomorrow.

freeze means stop

freeze means stop!

Freeze!! Freeze!! Freeze means stop!!

FREEZE!!! Freeze means stop!

fuck me running

Gentlemen, congratulations. You’re everything we’ve come to expect from years of government training.

Gills. They were gills. He was out of breath.

give me ten minutes and I’ll take you outside, give you ten minutes on the stairmaster you pudgy bastard

Give you ten minutes on a stair master, you tubby bastard.

have you ever flashy thinged me? no. I ain’t playing k, have you ever flashy thinged me? no.

He chased down a cephalopoid,that GOT to be tough enough.

He said the world was gonna end.
Did he say when?

He’ll do it, Jeebs. I’m telling you. That man does not look stable.

Human thought is so primitive, it’s looked upon as an infectious disease in some of the better galaxies.

Human thought is so primitive, it’s looked upon as an infectious disease in some of the better galaxies. That kind of makes you proud, doesn’t it?

I don’t suppose you know what kind of alien lifeform craves sugar water and leaves a green spectral trail

I feel like I’m gonna break this damn thing

i feel like im gonna break this damn thing!

I go out, I work my butt off to make a living, all I want is to come home to a nice clean house with a nice fat steak on the table, but instead I get this. It looks like poison. Don’t you take that away, I’m eating that, damn it! It is poison, isn’t it? I swear to God I would not be surprised if it was, the way you skulk around here like a dog that’s been hit too much or ain’t been hit enough, I can’t make up my mind. You’re useless, Beatrice! The only thing that pulls its weight around here is my goddamn truck!

I hate the living

I hate the living.

I need to tell you something about your skills…as of right now they mean precisely dick!

I need to tell you something about your skills: as of right now, they mean precisely dick.

I sure will miss the chase. No Dee you wont

I want you off this rock on the next transport or I’m gonna shoot you where it doesn’t grow back

I want you off this rock on the next transport or I’m gonna shoot you where it don’t grow back.

I was just down the gullet of an interstellar cockroach, that is just one of a million memories that I don’t want.

I’ll see you around kid. No you wont

I’m like a princess, you don’t want to eat me there will be war. good war, I can feed my children, all ten million of them

I’ve just been down the gut of an interstellar cockroach. That’s one of a million memories I don’t want.

I.N.S., division 6.

Imagine a giant cockroach, with unlimited strength, a massive inferiority complex, and a real short temper, is tear-assing around Manhattan in a brand-new Edgar suit. That sound like fun to you?

IRS Officer: Oh Me, I would have thrown them back.

It just be rainin’ black people in New York

It just be raining black men in New York!

It just be raining black people in New York.

it just be raining black people in NY

It’s a long trip, I am going to need a snack

Its just raining black people in Manhattan tonight

j: Aww look you brought that tall guy some flowers!

J: It’s okay Laurel. Laurel: How is it okay?! J: I’m sayin’, it’s gonna be okay. Edgar: Don’t count on it, meat sack!

J: You know the difference between you and me?
K: What?
J: I make this look good.

James Edwards: Come on down, we’ll get those eyes fixed. Don’t even worry about it.

James Edwards: You see this? N.Y.P.D. Means I will knock your busted ass down!

James: Freeze! NYPD!
[criminal keeps running]
James: FREEZE MEANS STOP!

Jay: N.Y.P.D. means I will Nock Yo Punk-ass Down!

Jay: You know what the difference is between you and me. (puts sunglasses on) I make this look good.

Jay: You know what the difference is between you and me. (Puts sunglasses on)I mak this look good.

K: i don’t suppose you know what kind of life form leaves a green spectral trail and craves sugar water, do you?
J: oh, man, that was on final jepoardy last night; damn, alex said………

K: I love this gun.

K: Put the gun down shit-eater. Edgar: Listen monkey-Boy, compared to you humans, I’m on the top rung of the evolutionary ladder, so can it alright!

Laurel Weaver: Look, if you guys are gonna be in here, i need to see some I.D.
K: Oh, yes, would you have a look at this…

J: Would you stop that!?
K: What?!
J: That thing is gonna give her brain cancer or some shit!
K: Never heard of it before, look we need to get a containment crew in here right away.
J: Never heard it before, how many times you flashy-thinged that poor woman?
K: Couple
J: You ever flashy-thinged me before?
K: No.
J: I ain’t playing with you K, you ever flashy-thinged me?
K: No

May I ask, why you felt little Tiffany deserved to die?

Maybe the of them would have seen it if they could keep up. You know they are a little soggy around the mid section. (Will Smith) Oh if you were half the man as i am. (cop) What the hell are you talking about I am half the man you are. (Will Smith)

N.Y.P.D, means I will Nock Your Punk-Ass Down!

N.Y.P.D. Means I will kNock Your Punk-ass Down

no ma’am we here at the FBI do not have a sense of humor that we are aware of

No mam’, we at the FBI do not have a sense of humor we are aware of.

NYPD means I will ‘K’nock Your Punk-Ass Down!

NYPD wich means I will NOCK YOUR PUNK ASS DOWN

Oh and you need to get a decorator in here because…Damn!

oh and you need to get a decorator in here quick, cause…damn

oh there’s a problem with the cat, sign here. What the problem? now it’s your problem. I hate the living

oh, I’m sorry … was that your auntie?

Oh, I’m sorry…was that your Auntie?

Police Inspector: And, ah, why is it that none of the other officers saw aither of these two events? James Edwards: Well, Sir, some of the other officers are a little soggy around the midsection, I guess that’s why they weren’t able to keep up. Police Officer: Edwards, if you were half the man I am- James Edwards: What are you talking about, I am half the man you are.

Raise your hands – and all of your flippers.

roaches check in, but they don’t check out

Set for pulsar level five, subsonic implosion factor two. What? Just shoot the damn thing!

Show me your face and I’ll cure all your ills.

so what you just flash that thingy and it erases fer memory?

Sorry ya’ll. It was an accident.

sugar…give me sugar…..in water….more….more….

That is about a 9.0 on my weird-shit-o-meter!!!

that woman is a doctor she don’t need you flashing away half her med school classes

The dog owes my friend money

The main difference between me and you… I make this look good

The Only difference between you and me is that I make this look good

the only difference between you and me is that I make this look good.

The only thing that pulls it weight around here is my g..damm truck
(CRASH) HMMM figures

the only thing that pulls it’s weight around here is my goddamn truck…(crash) figures

The only thing that pulls its weight around here is my God damn truck. *pause* Figures…

The twins keep us on Centarian time. It’s a 37-hour day. Give it a few months, you’ll get used to it, or you’ll have a psychotic episode.

there is no ins divison 6. this is bullshit.

There’s only one way off this planet and that’s through me!

These are our two Centaurian communictions board operators, Woiebgck and Bob.

This has GOT to be a nine-point-oh on my weird-shit-o-meter.

This is called a neuralyzer. It’s a gift from some friends from out of town. This red eye, here, will isolate the electronic impulses in your brain, more specifically the ones for memory.

to prevent war the galaxy is on orions belt.

unlimited resources in the whole universe and we cruisin around in this, a ford P.O.S

Unlimited technology from the whole universe, and we cruise around in a Ford P.O.S.!

Unlimited technology from the whole universe, and we travel around in a Ford POS!?!

We ain’t got time for this cover up bullshit.

we’re not hosting an intergalactic kegger down here

We’re not hosting an intergalactic kegger down here.

We’ve got all the technology of the world and we are driving an old Ford P.O.S.

well this guy right here, he’s just workin out. and this guy, he’s.. he’s sneezing, got a kleenex in his hadn. and u see little Stephanie here, middle of a ghetto night. carrying a nuclear physics book around. man this girl is doing some weird shit!

Well, well, Big Bad Bug got a bit of a soft spot, huh?

Whatever you do, don’t press the red button!

Why don’t ya go down to Bloomingdales and get some make-up, clothes, manicure, and a facial. Oh and you better hire a decorator to come in here cause, damn.

yall wanna get down on this?

You called down the thunder, well now you’ve got it!

you can have my gun when you pry it from my cold dead fingers

you do know that elvis is dead right? No elvis is not dead he just went home

You don’t like it you can kiss my furry butt!

You going to go into town buy yourself some new dresses, get yourself a facial and hirer a decorator quick ’cause…DAMN!

you know the difference between you and me? I make this look good

You know what the difference is between you and me? I make this look good.

you mean he blinked both eyes? no I mean he blinked one set then he blinked a completely different set

You sold a reverberating carbonizer with mutate capacities to an unlicensed Cephalapoid…Jeeves!! You piece of…

You sold a reverberating carbonizer with mutate capacity to an unlicenced cephalapoid! Jeebs you piece of…….

You’ll dress only in attire specially sanctioned by (name) special services. You’ll conform to the identity we give you, eat where we tell you, live where we tell you. From now on you’ll have no identifying marks of any kind. You’ll not stand out in any way. Your entire image is crafted to leave no lasting memory with anyone you encounter. You’re a rumor, recognizable only as deja vu and dismissed just as quickly. You don’t exist; you were never even born. Anonymity is your name. Silence your native tongue. You’re no longer part of the System. You’re above the System. Over it. Beyond it. We’re them. We’re they. We are the……

You’ll get used to it. Or you’ll have a psychotic episode.

your a great dad, but I am not going with you

Zed, we got a bug

[Alien rings bell a number of times.]
(2)Okay, okay thank you for letting me know the bell works. What can I do for you Farmer John?
(1)Ugghh, a man came in here earlier – a dead man.
(2)That means wot to me.
(1)I believe he had an animal with him – it was a gift I gave him – a pet cat; means worlds to me. I’d like to have it back…
(2)Okay, we’re gonna need identification of the cat, proof of ownership of the cat, notification of the deceased…
[Man swats insect on table]
(1)Don’t do that.
(2)Do – what…
(1)DON’T DO IT!
(2)Aww, man!
[Takes out an insect repellent spray.]
[Alien growls.]

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