..social security, legal fees..
..you push the button on the bomb, and you and the lion die like one.
Alright, these are Ich Luge bullets. My grandfather snared a shitload of them back in WW II. They’re like tranquillisers, only they break the surface of the skin, enough to cause a little blood, but no real damage.
Did you have a brain tumour for breakfast? First you ask if you can
be red, knowing that I’m always red.
Listen, my Bonnie and Clyde days are over.
(1) Don’t worry, Ram’s been so sweet lately, consoling me and stuff. It’ll
be really very. Promise.
(2) Okay, just as long as it’s not one of those nights when they get shit-
faced and take us to a pasture to tip cows.
(1) Hey, Martha! My date for the prom kind of flaked out on me… I was
wondering, if you aren’t doing anything that night, maybe we could rent
some new releases? Pop some popcorn?
(2) I’d like that.
(3) Yeah, so would I.
(1) I’m telling you man, it would be so righteous to be in a Veronica Sawyer/
Heather Chandler sandwich.
(2) Oh, hell yes. I wanna get a Heather, and put her on my johnson, and just
start spinnin her around like a goddamn pinwheel… Punch it in!
(1) What the fuck?
(2) OK, I rarely listen to neanderthals like Kurt Kelly, but he said that
he and Ram had a nice little sword fight in your mouth last night.
You know what I mean?
(3) Eeeew! That son-of-a-bitch!
(1) You might think what
I’ve done is shocking –
(2) Umm.. to me, though, suicide is the logical answer to the myriad of
problems life has given me.
(3) That’s good, but Heather would never use the word ‘myriad’.
(4) This is the last thing she’ll ever write – she’ll want to cash in on as
many fifty cent words as possible.
(5) Yeah, but she missed ‘myriad’ on the vocab test two weeks ago.
(1)Hello everybody, the door was open. Veronica, have you heard? We
were doing chinese at the food fair when it comes over the phone that
Martha Dumptruck tried to buy the farm. She belly flopped in front
of a car, wearing a suicide note.
(2) Is…she dead?
(3) No, that’s the punchline. She’s alive, and in stabile condition.
Just another example of a geek trying to imitate the popular people at
school and failing miserably. Is that pate?
(1)Hey, son, I didn’t hear you come in.
(2) Hey, dad, how was work today?
(H)What’s your damage? Brad says you’re being a real coose. (V) Heather I don’t feel so good, like I’m gonna throw up so can we please jam now? (H) NO! Hell NO!
(V)Is just people I work with and our job is being popular and shit.. (JD) Maybe it’s time for a vacation..
…and I sold her out for a bunch of swatchdogs and dietcoke heads!
1) Mmm.. Thank you, that was my.. first game of strip croquet.
2) Well, you’re welcome. It’s a lot more interesting than just flinging off your clothes and boning away on a neighbor’s swing set.
1) Dear Diary, Heather says life sucks losers dry. If you want to fuck with the eagles you
have to learn to fly. I said, so you teach people how to spread their wings and fly? She said yes. I said, you’re beautiful.
1) Hey, I’m really sorry I couldn’t make it to your birthday party last month. 2) It’s ok. Your mom said you had a big date. I think I’d probably miss my own birthday for a date.
1) I just killed my best friend! 2) And your worst enemy.
1) I’m telling you man, it would be so richteous to be in a Veronica Sawyer / Heather Chandler sandwich. 2) Oh, hell yes. I want to get a Heather adn put her on my johnson and just like spin her around like a goddamn pinwheel. Punch it in.
1) I’m telling you man, it would be so richteous to be in a Veronica Sawyer / Heather Chandler sandwich. 2) oh, hell yes. I want to get a Heather and put her on my johnson and just like spin her around like a goddamn pinwheel. punch it in.
1) Shit, you guys. I don’t have anything against Martha Dunnstock.
2) You don’t have anything for her either. Come on, the note will give her shower nozzle masterbation
material for weeks.
1) That knife’s filthy! 2) What do you think I’m doing, taking out her tonsils?!
1) What did you do, put a phlegm globber in it or something? I’m not gonna
drink that piss.
2) I knew this stuff’d be too intense for her.
3) Intense. Grow up! You think I’ll drink it just because you call me
chicken? …. Just give me the cup, jerk.
1)’Cause you’re an idiot. 2)Oh, yeah, that’s it!
1)bq or plain?
2)bq!
1)Let’s take a look at some of the homosexual artifacts I dug
up to plant at the scene. Alright. An issue of Stud Puppie.
2)Great.
1)Candy dish. Joan Crawford postcard. Let’s see… Some mascara. Alright.Here’s the one perfecto thing I picked up. Mineral water.
2)Oh, come on, a lot of people drink mineral water. It’s come a long way.
1)No my life’s not perfect. I don’t really like my friends.
2)Yeah I uh, I don’t really like your friends either.
1)That knife is filthy! 2)What do you think I’m gonna do with it, take out her tonsels?!
1)That knife is filthy! 2)What do you think I’m gonna do with it, take out her tonsils?!
1)You look like hell! 2)Yeah? I just got back.
1-Suicide is a private thing 2-You’re throwing your life away to become a statistic in U. S. fucking-A Today. There’s nothing private about that.
1. All we want is to be treated like human beings, not to be experimented on like guinea pigs or patronized like bunny rabbits. 2. I don’t patronize bunny rabbits!
1. Aren’t they fed yet? Do they even have Thanksgiving in Africa? 2. Sure. Pilgrims, Indians, tater tots. It’s a real party continent. 3. Sawyer, guess what today is? 2. Ouch. Lunch time poll. So what’s the question? 4. Yeah, so what’s the question, Heather?
3. God damn Heather. You were with me in study hall when I thought of it. 4. I forgot. 3. You’re such a pillowcase.
1. Damn. It’s your turn, Heather. 2. No Heather. It’s Heather’s turn. Heather? 3. Sorry, Heather.
1. Did you completely miss him? 2. yeah but don’t worry. It was worth it just to see the look-
1. Does it not bother you that everyone at this school thinks you’re a piranah? 2. Like I give a shit. They all want me as a friend or a fuck. I’m worshipped at Westerburg, and I’m only a junior.
1. Good morning Heather. 2.Veronica- and Jesee James.Did you hear about Veronica’s affection for regurgetation? 1.Listen Heather, I think we both said a lot of things we didn’t mean last night.
2. Did we? How the hell’d you get in here anyway? 3. Veronica knew you’d have a hangover so i whipped this up for you. It’s a family recipe.
2. What’d you do put a phlegmglobber in it? I’m not gonna drink that piss. 3. I knew the stuff’d be too intense for her. 2.Intense. Grow up! You think you can make me drink it because you call me chicken? Just give me the cup jerk!
1. Heather, why can’t you just be a friend? Why do you have to be such a mega- bitch!? 2. Because I can be. Veronica, why are you pullin’ my dick. Do you think, I mean do you really think, that if Betty Finn’s fairy godmother suddenly made her cool, she would still hang out with her dweebet friends? No way Veronica. Uh-uh.
1. Heather, why can’t you just be a friend? Why do you have to be such a mega-bitch? 2. Because I can be.
1. Hello Heather. 2. Veronica. Finally. I need you forge a hot and horny, but realistically low key note in Kurt Kelley’s handwriting and slip it onto Martha Dumptruck’s lunch tray.
1. Shit, you guys. I don’t have anything against Martha Dunnstock. 2. You don’t have anything for her either. Come on, the note’ll give her shower nozzle masturbation material for weeks.
1. I’ll think about it. 2. Don’t think.
1. i heard it was totally gnarly. She sucked down a bottle of multi purpose deodorizing dissenfectant and SMASH!
2. Uh Tracey, let’s not rehash the coroner’s report. Let’s talk feelings. 3. Me and Heather used to go out, but she said I was boring. Now
I realize I wasn’t really boring. It’s just she was dissatisfied with her life. 2.That’s very good Peter.
1. I just killed my best friend! 2. And your worst enemy. 1. Same difference.
1. I just killed my best friend. 2. Or your worst enemy.
1. Same Difference.
1. I said I was sorry! 2. You were out of control! I mean Heather and Kurt were a shock, but Martha Dumptruck?! Get real! She was dialing suicide hotline in her diapers!
1. You’re not funny. Anyway shutup, Hot Probs is on. 2. Oh shit yeah.
1. I’ve gotten everyone to sign this petition. Even the ones who think Big Fun are tuneless Euro fags. People love me. 2. People may love you, but I know you. Jennifer Forbes said the pertiotion she signed was to put a hot tub in the cafeteria. And Doug Hilton- 1. Some people need different kinds of convincing than others.
1. If I got that money, I’d give it all to the homeless. Every cent. 2. You’re beautiful.
1. It’s your turn Heather. 2. No, Heather, it’s Heather’s turn. Heather? 3. Sorry Heather.
1. No way! They won’t expell him! They’ll just suspend him for a week or something. 2. He used a real gun. They should throw his ass in jail! 3. All J.D. really did was ruin two pairs of pants. Maybe not even that! Can you bleach out urine stains?! 2. You seem pretty amused. I thought you had given up on high school guys. 3. Never say never.
1. No, my life’s not perfect… I don’t really like my friends. 2. Yeah… I don’t really like your friends either.
1. Now put the bomb down on the ground. 2. You didn’t say Simon says.
1. See, now that knife is filthy! 2. What do you think I’m gonna do with it? Take out our tonsils? 1. Excuse me, but I think I know Heather a little bit better than you. If she was going to slit her wrists, the knife would be spotless.
2. Fine. There, can you see your fucking reflection?
1. So check this out. We were doing Chinese down at the food fair when it comes over the radio that Martha Dumptruck tried to buy the farm. She belly flopped in front of traffic wearing a suicide note.
2. Oh my God! Is she hurt? 2. That’s the punchline. She’s alive and in stable condition. Just another example of the geeks trying to imitate the popular people and failing miserably. Is that pate?
1. So what are you going to do Heather? Take the two shots or send me out? 2. Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast? First you ask if you can be red. Knowing that I’m always red. (shoots the ball)
1. Shit. 2. It’s your turn Heather.
1. Somebody tell me why I read these damn spy novels. 2. Because you’re an idiot. 1. Oh yeah, that’s right.
1. Suicide is a private thing. 2. You’re throwing your life away to become a statistic on U. S. fucking A. Today; that’s about the least private thing I can think of.
1. This may seem like a really stupid question… 2. There *are* no stupid questions. 1. You inherit 5 million dollars the same day aliens land on the earth and say they’re going to blow it up in 2 days. What do you do? 2. That’s the stupidest question I’ve ever heard.
1. Veronica, you look like hell. 2. Thanks, I just got back.
1. Wanna go out tonight? Catch a movie? Miniature golf? 2. I was thinking more along the lines of slitting Heather Duke’s wrists open, making it look like suicide. 1. Ah, now you’re talking. I can be up for that. I’ve already started underlining meaningful passages in her copy of Moby Dick, if you know what I mean?
1. Watch it Heather, you might be digesting food there. 2. Yeah, were’s your urge to purge? 3. Fuck it!
1. Who does that guy think he is anyway? Bo Diddley? 2. Veronica’s into his act, no doubt.
1. Let’s kick his ass! 2. Shit Ram! We’re seniors! We’re too old for that kind of crap. Let’s give him a good scare though.
1. You gonna eat this? 2. Hey, what did your boyfriend say when you told him you were moving to Sherwood, Ohio? 1. Answer him, dick. 2. Hey Ram, doesn’t this cafeteria have a no- fags allowed rule?
3. Well, they seem to have an open- door policy for assholes don’t they? 2. What did you say dick head? 3. I’ll repeat myself. (bang bang)
1. Will someone tell me why I smoke these damn things? 2. Because you’re an idiot. 1. Oh yeah, that’s it.
1. You stupid fuck! 2. You goddamn bitch! 1. I brought you to a Remington party and what’s my thanks? It’s on a hallway carpet. I got paid in puke. 1. Lick it up baby, lick it up.
1. You take German? 2. French. 1.Allright, these are Ich Luge bullets.
1.)I’d probably row out into the middle of a lake somewhere with a bottle of tequile, my sax. Some Bach. 2.)How very.
1.Teenage suicide, Dont do it! Teenage suicide, She blew it! 2. Look Veronica, theyre playing our song.
1.You were a bluebird. You were a Brownie. You were a girlscout cookie.
I got you into a Remington party and what’s my thanks!? It’s on the hallway carpet!
I got paid in puke! 2.Lick it up baby. Lick it up!
Veronica: Why are you being such a mega-bitch?
Heather: Because I can be!
Alright, this is important. Tax is only the beginning..
And I love him. I love my dead gay son!
And to think there was a time when I actually thought you were cool!
Man, if you can’t deal with me now, then just stay home and shoot your
TV. Blow up a couple of toasters or something. Just don’t come to
school, and don’t mess with me!
are we going to prom or to hell?
a] I brought you to a Remington party and what’s my thanks? It’s on the hallway carpet. I got paid in puke!!
b] Lick it up, baby! Lick it up!
Betty Fin was a true friend and I sold her out for a bunch of Swatch dogs and Diet Coke heads.
Betty Finn was a true friend and I sold her out for a bunch of swatchdogs and diet cokeheads. Killing Heather would be like offing the Wicked Witch of the West..wait east..west, God I sound like a fucking physco.
Chaos killed the dinosaurs!
Come on Heather. Let’s take another look at today’s lunch.
Cool it man. We’re seniors- we’re too old for that kind of crap.
corn nuts
Cornuts!
Dear Diary, my teen angst bullshit has a bodycount.
Dear diary, my teenage angst bullshit has a body count…
Dear Diary, no one can stop JD, not the FBI, the CIA or the PTA
Dear Diary. I want to kill, and you have to believe it’s for more than
just selfish reasons, more than just a spoke in my menstrual cycle. You
have to believe me.
Dear God, Please don’t let this ever happen to me because i dont think i could handle suicide.
Dear God, this is a tragedy and stuff. Please send heather to heaven. Amen.
dear god, why’d you have to kill such hot snatch? A joke man. Gosh people here are so serious. Hail Mary who art in Heaven. Pray for the sinners, so we don’t get caught. Another Joke man.
deciding whether or not to kill yourself is one of the most important decisions a teen can make!
Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast or something?
Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast?
Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast? First you ask if you can be red, knowing that I’m always red.
Eskimo! Heather Duke underlined a lot of things in this copy
of Moby Dick, but I believe the word Eskimo underlined all by
itself, is the key to understanding Heather’s pain. On the surface,
Heather Duke was the vivacious young lady we all knew her to be,
but her soul was in Antartica! Freezing with the knowledge of the
way fellow teenagers can be cruel, the way that parents can
be unresponsive. And as she writes so elequently in her suicide
note, the way that life can suck! We’ll all miss Sherwood’s
little eskimo. Let’s just hope she’s rubbing noses with Jesus!
first you ask if you can be red, knowing i’m always red.
Five different schools in five years, and the only thing different is my locker combination.
Fuck me gentely with a chainsaw
fuck me gently with a chainsaw
Esquimo
Fuck me gently with a chainsaw
Fuck me gently with a chainsaw! Do I look like Mother Teresa to you! If I did I probably wouldn’t mind chatting it ip with the geek squad!
fuck me gently with a chainsaw. do i look like mother teresa? if i did, i would probably be sitting with the geek squad!
Fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Theresa to you?
God, Veronica, drool much? His name’s Jason Dean. He’s in my American
History.
god, veronica, my afterlife is so boring. if i have to sing kum-bay-yah one more time …
Great pate!
Great pate, but I gotta motor if I want to be ready for that party
tonight.
great pate, but i’ve got to motor if i want to be ready for that funeral.
great pate, mom. but i gotta motor if i want to make it to this funeral.
Great patte but I gotta motor if I wanna make it to that party.
Greetings and salutations. Are you a Heather?
Grow up Heather. Bulimia is so ’87.
Grow up, Heather, bulemia is so ’87.
Grow up. You think I’m going to drink that piss just because you call me chicken? Just hand me the cup, jerk.
H: You see, Ram asked me out tonight, but he wants to double date with Kurt….. V: I don’t know, *******, I kinda have this thing with **. H: Oh come on ********, put Billy the Kid on hold for one night?
He said we should keep you away from sharp objects, closed garage
doors, chemicals, prescription drugs….
Heather Chandler – I got you into a Remington party and what’s my payback? It’s in the hallway carpet! I got paid in puke!
Veronica — Lick it up, baby! Lick – it – up!
Heather says if you want to soar with the eagles you’ve got to learn how to fly, I said, so, you teach people how to fly?, she said, Yes, I said You’re beautiful.
Heather told me she teaches people life. She said, ‘Real life sucks
losers dry. If you want to fuck with the eagles, you have to learn
to fly.’ I said, ‘So you teach people how to spread their wings and fly?’
She said, ‘Yes’ I said, ‘You’re beautiful!’
Heather told me she teaches people real life. She said: Real life sucks losers dry. If you want to fuck with the eagles, you have to learn to fly.
Heather, my love, there’s a new sheriff in town.
heather: I brought you to a remington party and whats my thanks, it’s on the floor in the hall i got paid in puke. veronica: Lick it up baby lick it up
Hey Mom, why so tense?
Hey, they’re playing our song!
Hi it’s me. So technically I did nnot kill Heather Chandler. But who am I trying to kid right? I just want my high school to be a nice place. Amen.
I better motor, if I’m gonna make the funeral.
I can’t believe this. We’re going to a party at Remington University
tonight, and we’re brushing up on our conversational skills with the
scum of the school.
I don’t patronize bunny rabbits!
i just killed my best friend-and my worst enemy
I like it. It’s got that it’s-a-cruel-world-let’s-throw-ourselves-in-the-abyss type ambience.
i love my dead gay son
i love my dead gay son!
I love my dead gay son.
I love my dead, gay son!
I prayed and prayed every night, wondering if you would listen, but now that Heather is dead, I see that you understood. Praise the Lord! Hallellujah!
I prayed for the death of Heather Chandler many times, and I felt bad
every time I did it, but I kept doing it anyway. Now I know you
understood everything. Praise Jesus, Hallelujah.
I say we just grow up, be adults and die.
i was kinda hoping you could rip my clothes of me sport.
I’m a no buildup man myself
I’m a no-rust-build-up man, myself.
I’m giving Veronica her shot, her first Remington party. You blow it
tonight girl, and it’s ‘keggers with kids’ all next year.
I’m giving Veronica her shot. Her first Remington party. You blow it tonight girl, it’s keggers with kids all next year.
I’m gonna have to send my SAT scores to San Quentin instead of Stanford!
I’ve seen a lot of bullshit. Angeldust, Switchblades, sexually perverse photography exhibits involving tennis rackets, but this suicide thing…
I’ve seen a lot of sexually perverse photographs involving tennis rackets.
Ich Luge bullets! I’m such an idiot!
If you wanna fuck with the eagles you gotta learn how to fly.
If you were happy all the time, you wouldn’t be a human being.You’d be a game show host.
If you were happy every day of your life you wouldn’t be a human being. You’d be a game-show host.
If you were happy everyday of your life, you wouldn’t be a human being, you’d be a game show host!
it is one thing to want someone out of your life. It is quite another to serve them a morning cup of liquid drainer!
It is one thing to want someone out of your life. It is quite another to serve them a wake-up cup of liquid drano.
J: Alright, say I did pull it off. I did blow up the school. You’re dead now….what do you do? (V pulls out a cigarette and puts it in her mouth)
J: I didn’t think you’d actually do it. I was kidding. Of course, I was coming here to kill you. But first, I was gonna try to win you back with my amazing petition.
Let’s see how JD reacts to a murder he didn’t commit!
Listen, you wanted to be a member of the most powerful click in school. If I wasn’t already the head of it, I’d want the same thing. Come on Veronica, you used to have a sense of humor.
my date for the prom kinda flaked out on me. i thought maybe, if you weren’t doing anything that night, we could rent some movies, pop some popcorn?
My parents wanted to move me into high school out of the sixth grade, but we decided to chuck the idea because I’d have trouble making friends, blah, blah, blah. Now blah, blah, blah is all I ever do. I use my great IQ to decide what color lip gloss to wear and how to hit three keggers before curfew.
My son’s gay and I love him. I love my dead gay son!
my teen agnst bullshit has a body count.
My teen angst bullshit has a body count.
My teenage angst bullshit now has a body count.
Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?
no body’s gonna let you play their reindeer games
Now that you’re dead, what’re you gonna do with your life?
Now, I’ve seen some pretty weird things in my day. Crack, Cocain, Switchblades, sexually perverse photographs involving tennis rackets…
Oh my God, I can’t believe it, I just killed my best friend.
Our love is God, let’s go get a Slushie.
our love is god. let’s go get a slushie.
Our way is the way, we scare people into not being assholes.
people will look at the ashes of westerburg and say, now there’s a school that self destructed not because society didn’t care, but becuase school was society. now that’s deep.
Ram and I died the day we realised we could never reveal our forbidden love to an uncaring and un-understanding world. The joy we shared in each other’s arms was greater tham any touchdown. Yet we were forced to live the lie of sexist, beer-guzzling, jock assholes!
real life sucks losers dry. if you wanna fuck with the eagles you got to learn to fly.
Save the speeches for Malcolm X! I just want to get laid!
Say you like to suck big dick – Okay you like to suck big Dick – (he grabs his Arm) Okay I like to suck big dick- mmmmm, mmmm it’s so good
Seven cities in seven states and the only thing that’s changed is my locker combination
Seven schools in seven states and the only thing different is my locker combination.
She said if you want to fuck with the eagles you have to spread you wings and fly. I said you teach people how to spread your wings and fly. She said yes. I said your beautiful!
She’s my best friend. God, I hate her.
Suicide gave Heather depth, Kurt a soul, Ram a brain. I don’t know what it’s given me, but I’ve got no control over myself when I’m with JD. Are we going to Prom or to Hell?
T: ********, ** told me that you committed suicide last night! V: Where is he? Where’s **? T: We need to talk. The decision to kill yourself is a very important matter, and we need to discuss it. V: Get a job!
Thank you Miss Flemming. You’ll call me when the shuttle’s landed.
That’s it! We’re breaking up!
The extreme always seems to make an impression.
The only place different social types can genuinely get along with each other is in heaven.
They all want me as a friend or a fuck. I’m worshiped at Westerburg and I’m only a junior.
They’re all Swatch dogs and Diet Coke heads.
This is Ohio, if you don’t have a brewsky in your hand you might as well be wearing a dress.
This isn’t just a spoke in my menstrual cycle.
Tomorrow, I’ll be kissing her aerobicised ass, but tonight, let me dream
of a world without Heather, a world where I am free.
transfer to Washington, transfer to Jefferson, ‘cuz no one at Westerburg’s gonna play your reighndeer games!!!
Transfer to Washington. Transfer to Jefferson. No one at Westerberg is going to let you play their reindeer games.
True friends work is never done
Trust me, she skips the Saturday morning trips to Grandma even when she’s not hungover.
Veronica – Get off of my bed, you fucking psycho! Do you think you’re a rebel? Do you actually think you’re a rebel? You’re not a rebel, you’re a fucking psychotic!
JD – You say tomato, I say tomato…
Veronica needs something to write on. Heather, bend over.
Veronica, why are you pulling my dick?
veronica- and jesse james.
Veronica…dinner!
We must pray the other teenagers of Sherwood, Ohio, know the name of that righteous dude who can solve their problems: it’s Jesus Christ, and he’s in the Book!
We’ll all miss Sherwood’s little eskimo. Lets just hope she’s rubbing noses with Jesus.
Well fuck me gently with a chain saw!
What does she want, a written invitation? Veronica, Dinner!
What is your damage Veronica?!?
What’s your damage Heather?
What’s your damage?
–no anwer
3rd party- her’s is all over the living room floor
Whether or not a teenager decides to kill themselves is the biggest decision of their life.
You blow it tonight girl, and its keggers with kids all next year!
You go to the zoo and get a lion, then you put a remote-control bomb up
its butt..
You say tomato, I say tomato… Hold it! Eskimo! It’s one word…
I love it! I usually go for the whole sentence myself, but this is
perfecto! Eskimo, you know… It’s so mysterious. Es-ki-mo.
You stupid fuck! You god damn bitch!
You wanted to be a member of the most powerful clique
in school. If I wasn’t already the head of it, I’d want the same thing.
Come on Veronica, you used to have a sense of humour.
You wanted to be a member of the most powerful clique in school. If I wasn’t already the head of it, I’d want the same thing.
You were nothing before you met me. You were a bluebird. You were a brownie. You were a girlscout cookie.
[after she shoots J.D.] You know what I want? Cool guys like you out of my life.
Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Heathers’: Quotes from the movie ‘Heathers’
